Romantic and marital relationships can be interesting!
When two people fall in love, they seem to lose the ability to reason.
You close your eyes to obvious discrepancies, you ignore visible faults and you even disregard counsel, all because you are in love.
Well, like they say, Marriage is always an eye-opener!
Your eyes will open!
But one needs not to wait till then.
I want to attempt to show you three areas where you need to make decisions in the midst of your romantic and marital adventures. These are also relevant to married couples.
Love Lifeline: 3 Crucial Choices
1. Happy, Fulfilled, and Scriptural
Both of you must agree that all decisions made should be scriptural and should leave you happy and fulfilled.
Anything that leaves you guilty, sad, and regretting is a red light!
Both of you must commit to ensuring you do all needed to have a successful relationship.
Be it prayer, fasting, learning, reading, abstaining from sex, or whatever it takes, the two of you should be on the same page.
As married couples, don’t do anything that will leave your spouse unhappy, sad and disappointed.
Love Lifeline: 3 Crucial Choices
2. Correction and Criticism.
If there is any correction or criticism, you should decide to work on it and not ignore what is being presented. Also, criticism should not be seen as an attack.
This is the only way you can both grow.
A relationship where there is not one single correction of expression of dislike is a fake one. It will not last.
Also to note as singles or married, there must be enough regular compliments and appreciation before your corrections can make sense at all.
Love Lifeline: 3 Crucial Choices
3. Long-term solution
If there is a problem to be solved, there should be a decision to go for a long-term solution and not a temporary one just to let time pass.
Every issue and problem that you apply a short-term solution to is invariably postponed, waiting to be resurrected in marriage.
For example, if there is a bad habit, chances are that you ignore it or once your spouse tells you that he will change later, you forget it, because you are in love.
Don’t make that mistake at all.
Go for counsel. Pray about it. Confront the issue. Don’t sweep it under that carpet.
From time to time, I am beleaguered with tales of abuse from the ones who once professed love to their wives.
As singles who are not yet married, you have to know what you are going for.
After the wedding, your choices are limited and restricted.
As singles, this is the time you need to borrow yourself “some brain” and stop holding to what is obviously faulty from the very foundation.
Before You Marry
If you are being abused in a relationship, male or female, hit the pause button.
Don’t think a wedding will change things. It will not.
A wedding will not transform anybody.
Any change you couldn’t make as a single would not be easier to make after the wedding.
So, be careful of a wilful abuser who keeps telling you he will change after hitting you.
Yes, there could be a mistake and flaring of temper, which is wrong anyway.
But when there is an angry partner, always fuming at little provocations, getting angry at everything, hitting you over and over, and then apologizing, you need to be careful before you sentence yourself to a lifetime of abuse.
The Bible did warn about such people.
Pro 22:24 (KJV) Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:
It is a clear warning.
Don’t be friends with such people not to talk of dating them.
Why would the Bible warn you?
Pro 22:25 (KJV) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
Pro 22:25 (MSG) Bad temper is contagious— don’t get infected.
Before You Marry
One can quickly become hurt, bitter, nasty, and even evil because of marriage with a wicked partner.
Be careful.
Do not invite afflictions that are not supposed to be part of your life.
This isn’t a good combination. But the reality is that such men and women exist in their number.
Who is the empty-headed?
Who is the empty-hearted?
Pro 7:6-7 (AMPC) For at the window of my house, I looked out through my lattice. [7] And among the simple (empty-headed and empty-hearted) ones, I perceived among the youths a young man void of good sense,
So, this man is out there. He or she can be seen through the window.
He is all over the place.
Can even be in church. Maybe he even speaks in tongues.
He is described as empty-headed and empty-hearted.
You wouldn’t want to fall in love with such a person.
Empty-Headed And Empty-Hearted Lovers
The Message translation calls him a young man without any sense.
Pro 7:6-7 (MSG) As I stood at the window of my house looking out through the shutters, [7] Watching the mindless crowd stroll by, I spotted a young man without any sense
But then what did this young man do to warrant calling him empty-headed and empty-hearted?
That is the crux of the matter.
What’s his sin?
What’s his error?
The next verse explains.
Pro 7:8 (AMPC) Sauntering through the street near the [loose woman’s] corner, and he went the way to her house
This young man is so-called empty-headed and empty-hearted because of his direction!
He went to her house.
The house of the strange woman or the harlot. To do what? To have sex!
It was a deliberate decision of the man to go look for fun.
It wasn’t the devil tempting him, he was the one tempting the devil!
Empty-Headed And Empty-Hearted Lovers
The empty-headed and empty-hearted is the spouse who is married but is very much interested in adulterous escapes and pursues such with so much vigor.
The empty-headed and empty-hearted is the guy who plans, strategies, and goes out to bed with a lady.
The empty-headed and empty-hearted is the guy who leaves his house, despite every warning and prompting to go look for sex outside marriage.
The empty-headed and empty-hearted lady leaves her campus or where she lives and goes to spend days in a guy’s house.
The empty-headed and empty-hearted patronizes harlots and anywhere he can find sex.
If you are the one always out looking out for sex, sleeping around recklessly and carelessly, and yet claiming to serve God alongside, well, God cannot be mocked.
If you are the one providing sex, aiding and abetting the empty-headed and empty-hearted, a day of reckoning will come.
Such actions are time wasters.
Destiny distraction. Often time, destiny destroyers!
I once met a lady who was lamenting that God is unfair to her, that she is not married in her late thirties, and that despite night vigils and prayers coupled with fasting, God has ignored her. But then she was living in a guy’s house and they are having sex. I really cannot fathom that.
Make up your mind to stop this cycle, because it is destructive.
It will lead nowhere.
You can dislodge the stronghold.
You can stop the cycle of sinning and asking for forgiveness every time.
You can embrace your identity in God as the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to help you live above habitual sin and compromise.
Having done all, stand.
You can stand.
You can live right.
You can please God.
Stand out.
Stand for God in your generation.
Be counted for Him.
You will fulfill your destiny.
Your story will not end like that of Samson.
You will be of the Joseph generation.
His mercy is available for you.
His mercy reaches to the very heavens.
Make up your mind today.
Call me and I will pray along with you!
Fulfill destiny!
Psa 36:5 (KJV) Thy mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.
Psa 36:5 (MSG) God’s love is meteoric, his loyalty astronomic,
The Answer is Yes! You can marry an imperfect person because nobody is perfect. Nobody!
We are all a work in progress.
But wait… let’s make some clarifications.
An imperfect person is not someone who is living in an unrepentant habitual sin, sinning willfully and enjoying the pleasures of sin.
In other words, I am saying, you cannot marry someone who is living consistently in habitual sin, with no remorse or repentance.
Such a person is going to get you into trouble and drag you into misery.
About being imperfect, the scriptures let us know we will get better as we stay in the Word, study the Word, pray in the Spirit, and pay attention to the things of the Spirit.
Is your lover doing all these?
Can I Marry An Imperfect Person?
Check the scriptures:
2Co 3:18 (KJV) But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
Again we see here:
Rom 12:2 (KJV) And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
We are promised a change as we pay attention to the Word.
This is entirely different from a habitual sinner. He is not interested in changing or getting better in God.
He may profess interest in change with his mouth, but his heart is far from that.
He or she is not interested in God’s word, he is only religious, and he goes to church.
He is a serial fornicator. He plays sports with sin.
The Bible warns against such people.
Can I Marry An Imperfect Person?
Here are some clear instructions:
1Co 5:9-11 (MSG) I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn’t make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous. [10] I didn’t mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue- or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You’d have to leave the world entirely to do that! [11] But I am saying that you shouldn’t act as if everything is just fine when one of your Christian companions is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can’t just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior.
You are not to be friends with such people and not to talk about getting married to such because of perceived benefits.
Your relationship will work out if you decide to stay with God.
It doesn’t matter where you are at right now.
Start from somewhere in God.
Take it up from there.
Focus on your relationship with God.
Let His zeal eat you up.
Be consumed with pleasing Him.
And you will end up beautifying your destiny.
God is never confused about you.
He has it all perfectly planned out.
If you follow His map, you will not get lost.
Yes, sometimes, God leads round, but He will never lead you wrong.
Committed Until It’s Completed
Take a look at this scripture we all know:
Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
So, God knows the thoughts He is thinking about you. He’s not wiping sweat off His eyebrow over it.
Perhaps, you will understand better in the Message Translation:
Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Hey, God knows what He’s doing!
Think deeply about it.
He has it all planned out!
His plans are to take care of you.
Not to abandon you!
Committed Until It’s Completed
He has plans to give you a beautiful glorious future and that includes a beautiful marriage!
I prophesy unto you, you will find His plan in Jesus’ name!
You will not miss it. You will not stumble.
You will not waste years!
God will restore all that is lost.
That God-ordained relationship will become a reality in Jesus’ name!
I prophesy stability. Wisdom from above. Grace to follow God and obey Him.
As we step into another month, it will be a glorious month for you in Jesus’ name!
One of the greatest successful transition stories in the scripture is the transition of the children of Israel out of Egypt.
Could there be one or two lessons from that story that singles can learn from as they transition from being single to being married?
How did they leave Egypt?
Let’s dive into God’s word.
Hebrews 11:29 (KJV) BY FAITH they passed through the Red sea as by dry land: which the Egyptians assaying to do were drowned.
By faith!
They transited by faith!
Ok so, from being single to being married, you will do it by faith.
The next question then is how did they do it by faith?
What were the practical things they were doing that ensured a successful transition from Egypt?
Now, let’s interpret scripture with scripture.
Psalms 66:6 (KJV) He turned the sea into dry land: they went through the flood on foot: there did we REJOICE in him.
They went through the flood on foot by rejoicing!
That’s how they did it by faith.
Rejoicing!
Indeed, you cannot be in faith without rejoicing.
Embracing the Shift: Single to Married
So, I am saying this morning, that your transition from being single into a great marriage is going to be very smooth when you understand the mystery of rejoicing.
Depression, sadness, bitterness, unforgiving spirit, and the likes are like deep potholes and death traps on the road to marital fulfillment.
However and wherever you find yourself, rejoice!
Be full of praise.
Thank Him for the gift of life.
The dead don’t plan for a wedding.
Those in the grave expect no proposal.
Rejoice every single day!
Now, there is something I am going to tell you.
Every day, dance before the Lord!
Psalms 149:3 (KJV) Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.
Rehearse your wedding day and dance in His presence every day!
The same principle applies to married couples who want to transition from being a woman to being a mother! Are you waiting on God for the fruit of the womb? Rejoice every day!
Embracing the Shift: Single to Married
Jeremiah 31:13 (GW) Then young women will rejoice and dance along with young men and old men. I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort them. I will give them joy in place of their sorrow.
I see every mourning, jilting, and disappointment turned into joy! God will comfort you with a good spouse!
God will have no choice but to facilitate your wedding!
There is something you have to work at as couples and it will save your marriage from unnecessary marital embarrassments.
I was looking at scripture in Genesis and I will like to share it with you! Just two verses!
Genesis 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Here we see, that in marriage, you become one flesh.
The word cleave has so many meanings. But two of them caught my attention.
1. To catch by pursuit.
2. To pursue hard.
Cleaving is not what is done on the wedding day alone, it is what you do all your married life!
You are to keep PURSUING each other in love, looking for ways to satisfy each other, and looking for opportunities to bless each other.
You have to keep working at loving each other more, finding creative ways to love each other more.
This is how to cleave!
How is this cleaving expressed?
It tells us in the next verse!
Genesis 2:25 (KJV) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Because they are now one flesh, there is nothing to HIDE again!
You cannot hide your flesh from your flesh!
The Bible says you become one flesh, not one spirit.
It means, in all things, things of the flesh, affairs of this world, everyday things, you are to be open to each other!
Do you get it?
Avoiding Marital Embarrassments
Every time a husband or wife hides something from his or her spouse, the devil is attempting to mess up with the one flesh principle instituted by God!
And then this is what the Holy Spirit showed me!
Because they were naked and not ashamed, they will not not see shame!
Amplified Version says:
Genesis 2:25 (AMPC) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.
Avoiding Marital Embarrassments
Their nakedness to each other eliminated every shame!
The word naked suggests nudity in all senses.
Nudity of thoughts, intents to each other!
Dear husband and wife, be open to each other.
When something is nude, there is no packaging.
Don’t repackage what happened to your spouse. Say it as it is. The truth sets free. Falsehood brings bondage and robs you of your boldness. That is how to enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings in your marriage and avoid unnecessary embarrassments!
I will continue where I stopped two days ago. Previously, I wrote about the fact that God gave every woman the ability and capacity to be a builder.
Our text in Proverbs 14:1 KJ V says,
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands’.
We also talked about how we need to build according to the pattern.
Ex 25:40 And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.
God is the architect, He gives us the blueprint of what we should build, the material to use in building, and how we should build. It is building according to the pattern that makes us wise women who build our homes.
Today, we will be looking at how we should build our homes and families.
1. We should build with prayers
Jud 1:20-But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
Our homes and families have different aspects just like any building has different sections and areas like the sitting room, the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen etc. Each of these different component of the building have different functionalities and you cannot replace them with each other. In the same way, the different aspects of our homes and families need to be built up through prayers.
You must build every aspect of your home, marriage, and family with prayers. As a woman, you are not permitted to joke with prayers. Pray for each child. In fact, praying for them starts from conception. And the best way to pray for your children is in tongues as the Holy Spirit grants you utterance. You pray for and about your spouse and every detail of his life. It is an assignment. Your husband’s success should be your prayer burden. Pray for yourself because you are also part of that building. It is full-time work. There are so many aspects of your home and marriage that you build up through prayers.
2. We should build with the Word
Luk 6:47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:
Luk 6:48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
The word of God is our only guarantee of a strong and solid foundation for our homes, marriage, and families. The infallible word of God is what ensures that what we are building stands the test of time and can weather the storms of life. So that whatever beats against our family and marriage, we will still be standing.
When we take time to build intentionally with fervent and continuous prayers and the Word of God we are wise. Don’t let us be like the foolish builder in Luke 6:49. Let’s learn to build according to the pattern God has shown us.
It is my prayer that we will be wise indeed and that the Lord will give us strength and Grace to carry on His mandate for our lives as women.
There are ways that look good and yet they are dead ends. There are marital pursuits that look like heaven on earth, yet they end up being hell on earth.
One of the greatest prayers to pray is to ask God to guide your feet and prevent you from stepping into marital errors.
And this, God has done in many ways, but we often think it is a disappointment and that something is wrong somewhere.
Yes, something is actually wrong, and God is often behind some relationships that crashed. God will not look on and allow evil to befall you. He is committed via the covenant.
Securing Your Marital Destination
Take a look at the scripture:
Psalms 119:29 (KJV) Remove from me the way of lying: and grant me thy law graciously.
This is a prayer unto God to stop you from the way that is replete with errors.
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Psalms 119:29 (MSG) Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation.
Wow!
May God barricade every evil way disguised as a romantic adventure!
May you be graced with clear revelation!
There have been barricades, right? God could be behind some of them. In order to protect you!
What’s the point of getting married only to discover surprises that throw you into perpetual despondency?
What’s the point of marrying a lover only to discover that you married an unrepentant cheat?
What is the point of getting married only to discover that it is no different from being sentenced to a marital prison?
God in His sovereignty and benevolence will prevent you from entering into a lifetime of regrets, pain, and agony if you listen to Him.
Securing Your Marital Destination
The next verses are very profound. Read them slowly.
Psalms 119:30-34 (MSG) I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. [31] I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; GOD, don’t let me down! [32] I’ll run the course you lay out for me if you’ll just show me how. [33] GOD, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. [34] Give me insight so I can do what you tell me— my whole life one long, obedient response.
May this be your story in Jesus’ name!
May your errors lead you back to God and into miracles.
I pray for you, God will teach you how to grasp and cling to what He says in Jesus’ name.
For those who are already married, and you are feeling you have made a mistake now because of things you discovered, take to the Lord in prayer. Seek help. Seek Counsel. Go for therapies if needed. Do all in your capacity to salvage your marriage, because if a person failed in marriage, it affects every other thing! May God give you the wisdom and fortitude to do the right and the needful!
The interesting thing about the building is that whatever you are building, you must have your materials on the ground before you start building. Another important fact is that even before the materials, you must have a drawing of what you want to develop. The architect must have interpreted the building on paper. Usually, this contains the measurements, length, breadth, height, and many other things.
This is what God has in mind in the book of Proverbs 14:1, He told us that
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Let’s see other translations.
CEV says, A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness. (Pro 14:1)
ERV says, A wise woman makes her home what it should be, but the home of a foolish woman is destroyed by her own actions.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
Here, we see the wise woman in action building her home. We also see the foolish woman in action pulling her home down or destroying it through her actions, inactions, and decisions.
God is also seen behind the scenes as the architect, who gives the design of what is to be built.
Every woman is doing something. Every woman is either wise or foolish in what they are doing. Whether you are a professor, a banker, an entrepreneur, a doctor, or a lawyer, you are either a wise woman or a foolish woman.
The question is “Are you building or destroying your home with your hands?” It is easier to say No, how can I with my hands destroy my home? But in reality, you could be destroying your home and the lives of family members if you are foolish.
If you’re not building according to pattern, you are not wise.
Ex 25:40 GW translation, ‘Be sure to make them according to the plans you were shown on the mountain.”
MSG translation, ‘Study the design you were given on the mountain and make everything accordingly.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
There is a pattern God expects us to build with as wise women. The only thing that will make you build wisely is if you build according to the pattern shown to you. Some of us women are building with a different pattern. By the pattern and standard of the world. We are building our homes and family by the pattern of social media, and our schedules, these will not work.
We have to go back to the pattern shown to us by God. That is the only way to guarantee we are building and not tearing down our homes. Women and wives are so powerful that God commits to their hands the building of the home.
Let’s stop here today. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace talking about what pattern we should build with.
I pray that we will indeed be wise by building our homes and family according to God’s pattern.
Oh, Pastor, you have no idea what I have been through!
My problem is unique, out of this world, an impossibility!
You can go on and on…but I have only one thing to say;
You are still alive!
Troubled, Perplexed, Persecuted, And Cast Down But Alive!
And if you are still alive, victory is sure!
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (KJV) We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; [9] Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
To be troubled means to be afflicted, narrowed, thronged, and to suffer tribulation.
Ever been there before?
What does it mean to be perplexed?
It means to have no way out, that is, be at a loss mentally!
Ever got to a place where it seems all reasons fail you and all way seems blocked?
Where you are at your wit’s end and suicidal thoughts sift through your mind and you device means of ending it all?
But it didn’t end!
The amplified Bible explains it this way;
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (AMPC) We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; [9] We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed;
You Have No Idea!
You have gone through a lot.
Broken relationships
Sexual harassment
Abortions
Depression
Manipulated by people you trusted and looked up to
Deceived and sexually abused by the one you call a Pastor
And you feel God hates you. God doesn’t like you. Why do you have to go through all that?
The first thing you need to know is that God has not abandoned you.
There are things that are self-inflicted, there are those that came as a result of disobedience, and even more because of mistakes of parents.
The second thing is that you need to pour out your heart and forgive all who hurt you and took advantage of you.
The third thing is to forget the past and move into the new that God has for you.
Then and then only, will you find yourself, in the experience of verse 15;
2 Corinthians 4:15 (MKJV) For all things are for your sake, so that the superabounding grace might be made to abound through the thanksgiving of the greater number, to the glory of God.
You Have No Idea!
You will look back and give thanks for everything!
Why?
2 Corinthians 4:17 (MKJV) For the lightness of our present affliction works out for us a far more excellent eternal weight of glory,
Everything you went through is referred to as light…because Jesus went through more and more for you to the point of shedding blood.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MKJV) For consider Him who endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest you be weary and faint in your minds. [4] You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MSG) When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! [4] In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed!
And then, in verse 17, it drops the bomb. All you ever went through, which the devil meant to use to destroy you will be used by God as raw materials to work out His glory in your life.
How?
You don’t need the details. You only need to hold on to Him and then see His incredible, unbelievable divine purpose as it unfolds in your life.
2 Corinthians 4:17 (AMPC) For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],
She sat before the counselor with tears in her eyes. ‘But, why did you do it’?
The counselor asked. With her heart filled with regret, grief, and pain, she answered.
‘I never intended to cheat on my husband. I have always loved and desired to have a happy, loving marriage and home. Infidelity, adultery, and unfaithfulness are like taboo to me.’
The counselor wanted her to check into the inner recesses of her heart and try to see how she got to that point. Sincerity and soul search are also a part of the healing process and therapy.
It is also important to know that, until certain steps and boundaries are set in marriage, we may find ourselves on unsafe grounds.
Eventually, Mrs Ojo was able to come up with something.
‘I think it happened because deep down in my heart, I was looking for how my deepest needs as a woman will be met. I met Bode and in a short while, he was meeting my needs and quenching my longings. He was a friend. He listened, cared, and was sensitive. I fell for it only to realize, it’s always better to stick to my marriage, make things work, and stop looking outside my marriage for a quick fix.
The counselor tried to balance things for Mrs Ojo.
Can You Quench My Longings?
Here are his submissions.
1. Just as you have deep needs, so does your husband. It will be selfish of you to focus on only your own needs. Marriage is for mutual benefit.
2. Never assume or conclude your husband cannot meet your needs. He definitely can learn.
3. Communication is very essential in marriage. Talk about your needs, and be sincere. Let your husband know. Marriage is for bliss, not for blisters or an endurance journey
4. Never look outside your marriage for fulfillment, satisfaction, affection, affirmation, compliments, appreciation, or happiness.
Can You Quench My Longings?
5. You, as much as your husband need to learn how to meet each other’s needs. Marriage is an unending school where learning is continuously necessary.
6. The temptation to cheat on your spouse must be fought with all your might. Cheating is senseless and in the end full of regrets.
7. Repentance and restoration are very important after infidelity so as to put an end to it.
Wendy is frustrated. She has been involved in several relationships that never worked and she is beginning to think she is cursed. All her friends are married and she seemed to be the only one left. The more desperate she became, the more relationships and marriage were evading her. She has prayed, fasted, and cried, and she doesn’t know what to do again.
On the other hand, George had so many girls he sleeps with regularly, and he feels that is being a man. Sadly he is misinformed and confused. He fails to realize that he has been sucked into a cycle of sexual perversion with damning consequences and only God can save him if he is genuinely repentant. The more he did that, the more he frustrates and truncates the plan of God for him in this area.
John and Comfort are married but are not enjoying their marriage one bit. They got married without knowing the purpose of marriage, hence abuse set it. They are both well-read and educated, but unfortunately, you are not taught how to run a marriage in school. You are left with deliberate tutoring through self-development or through mentors.
So now, the question is “How do you know the purpose of a relationship/marriage is being abused?
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
1. When you start a relationship experimentally
You see, a relationship or marriage as the case may be is not supposed to be an experiment. It is something you initiate deliberately and purposefully. It is an institution created by God, and as such it should be held sacred.
When God began the marriage institution, He had something in mind. He was not performing an experiment but he was deliberately packaging a purposeful institution. So, the moment you do anything experimentally, you have moved away from the original intention, hence the consequences.
In experimental relationships, you say “Let‘s see whether this will work out.” Before it begins, you already perfected the exit strategy. I really don‘t think this is what God wants from us.
2. When you are involved in sexual sins
During friendship or courtship, it is the mind that should be aligned, not the body.
When the body comes together in a sexual relationship before marriage, the light of God’s word is tampered with because of violation and confusion enters the soul!
One common statement you will hear from people who are compromised is “I am confused!”
They know it is wrong, and yet they are held in the embrace of sin because an illegal bonding has been formed. It takes God and guts to break such.
On the other hand, when married couples make love, it strengthens them more. It is for this reason that the scripture says a couple should not deny each other!
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
3. When you objectify your lover
Objectification of people is relationship abuse. The purpose of that lady in your life is not to satisfy your rush of adrenaline. Reducing a lady that God created in His image to a mere sexual object for pleasure is gross abuse.
When the lady sees the husband as her ATM, it is also abuse. He is not in your life to buy weekly recharge cards while you are giving sex. This is an abuse of what God intended.
4. When you start a relationship while still bitter and hurting
I have said it over and over again, you don’t begin a relationship immediately after getting off one because you want to prove a point or you want to get back at your ex. At that point, your reasoning is impaired and your definition of love has been warped by the recent experience.
It is always good to take a break for about six months and allow yourself to heal. Wisdom says you should find out what went wrong with the first one before you dabble into another. If you have had several relationships broken over and over again, it is not about a curse anywhere, it is just that you lack wisdom and you are abusing the purpose of a relationship.
You don’t enter a relationship because you want the person to fill some emptiness in your soul. Only Jesus Christ can fill your emptiness with His Spirit! If you haul a job meant for God on a guy or a lady, you will end up frustrating that person! After a broken relationship, take your time. Ask questions. Why did it go wrong?
Don’t jump into the next available arms just to deal with hurts and wounds. When you do that, you will get hurt the more, because you have not followed the right process. Never ever try to give sex in order to get attention or love. It will never work that way. Young ladies, drum that into your head and carry yourselves with some dignity!
In today’s devotional, I delve into the captivating yet dark territory of toxic relationships. I will shed light on a destructive pattern often disguised as affection. By understanding the signs and consequences, we empower ourselves and others to break free from such harmful bonds.
For married couples who think they are in such, nobody is asking you to leave as a first resort, but to do all in your strength to seek counsel and intervention, so that you will not continue to suffer unnecessarily.
A lot of people are in toxic relationships or even marriages without knowing.
As a result of low self-esteem, they keep coping with it, thinking that if they let go, nobody else will find them.
What is one major pattern of a toxic relationship? Let’s look at it.
Pattern Of A Toxic Relationship
Emotional Manipulation:
A common sign of a toxic relationship is emotional manipulation.
Your partner is always right while you are always wrong! Through logical explanations, anger, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, stonewalling, your partner maintains control and holds you by the jugular!
This is not only toxic but abusive as well.
As singles contemplating marriage and already in this kind of situation, your best bet is to run!
Run, run, run! There is fire on the mountain.
This is where self-esteem comes in because most singles will not run because of what they think they are getting in terms of monetary tips!
To subject yourself to such horror because of some paltry sums is not only a sign of profound low self-esteem, but also a sign that you don’t love yourself and don’t know exactly what you are looking for.
The reason you need to run is that God is doing everything possible to show you who you are dealing with.
Don’t ever delude yourself saying the person will change later. Marriage changes nobody! And what you are even seeing now is just a rehearsal of what eventually awaits.
Pattern Of A Toxic Relationship
As I said, married couples should seek intervention through therapy, separation or divorce is not usually the first resort because that is another clime that comes with its puzzles and contradictions with lasting negative consequences for the parties and especially the children!
Meditation:Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark?2 Corinthians 6:14 (MSG)
God literarily wrote our love story while we were on campus! U can tell you truthfully I never prayed concerning who to get married to! Not once! In fact, I would say God interrupted me with marital vibes while I was just serving Him! That love story is not concluded yet, we are just in Chapter 23 now!
Nobody can tell me otherwise! God writes love stories! The whole scripture is the story of God’s love towards humanity!
How can you become one of the main characters in the many love stories that God spins and weaves every day? Follow me and let me take you on a journey to the land of divine romance orchestrated by God Himself!
When God Writes Your Love Story
1. The Factor of Mercy
Turn my way, look kindly on me, as you always do to those who personally love you.
God must have mercy on you! That is the beginning of the love story! God will usually have mercy on those who love Him, pursue Him and serve Him! I told you I was busy serving God when He came to me and pointed out my wife to me! God can have mercy on your relationship or marriage!
2. The Factor of His Word
Steady my steps with your Word of promise so nothing malign gets the better of me.
You must journey in His word daily to understand His plan for your life. Know this and know peace! Encourage your fiancee or spouse to be a student of the word!
When God Writes Your Love Story
3. The Factor of Rescue
Rescue me from the grip of bad men and women so I can live life your way.
God is interested in frustrating the intentions of bad lovers who are pretending to access your life and live your heart broken! God will deliver you from those who are froward and are not ready for any commitments!
4. The Factor of Favour
Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live.
When God smiles on you, things become easy! Single or married, always pray that God should smile on you! Never do things that will cut you off from His favour as singles or married!
5. The Factor of Obedience
I cry rivers of tears because nobody’s living by your book!
Tears came because nobody is living by the book! Relationships will break, and hearts will be shattered when God’s word is despised and when His injunctions are disregarded! An example is cohabiting, evidenced by premarital sex! It all ends in tears! Another example is infidelity! Rivers of tears await!
May that not be your portion in Jesus’ name! Good Morning!
Foolishness is not something you want to court in any way.
Being married to a foolish person is a decision to afflict oneself for a long time.
It is therefore in order to prayerfully approach marriage. How do you even know a person is foolish?
We have all made some foolish decisions in the past, or some foolish mistakes, but to habitually live foolishly is no virtue at all.
The Foolish Lover
Let’s look at a few ways you can know a foolish lover
Resistance to wisdom and discipline
Pro 1:7 (AMPC) The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline. [Psa 111:10]
A foolish lover will have no regard for the pursuit of wisdom.
A foolish lover takes no instruction from anyone.
A foolish lover thinks they know it all.
A foolish lover feels insulted when their spouse in advising or correcting them
A foolish lover has nobody correcting them. Not even their parents.
A foolish lover hates discipline with a passion. They are submitted to know one, and they take instructions from know one.
Marrying a fool is like entering one chance!
Your only resort would be to continue to pray!
The Foolish Lover
How do you recognize a fool?
Pro 15:2 KJV The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
A fool has mouth diarrhea. When they open their mouth, foolishness will emerge.
Take a look at The Message Translation:
Pro 15:2 (MSG) Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense.
Wow!
Fools are leaky faucets, annoyingly dripping nonsense.
Imagine living, surrounded by nonsense?
It is the reason you want to “shine” your eyes before making a marital decision, and not just because of some hot legs or some bum!
What if you are already married and you feel…
Rule No 1; Never call your spouse foolish!
Rather prayerfully approach how you can turn things around. Read a book together, discuss sermons after church, lovingly bring up the issue of mentorship…and so on.
There is a place lovers or couples should not get to! This place is terrible, defeating, frustrating and despicable to say the least!
It is a place where God does not want you. It is a place where the devil and the “people from your village” want you!
It is a place where God doesn’t want you because in that milieu, favour s lost, prayers are wasted, efforts are futile and life is unrewarding.
It is a place where the devil wants you because it creates a loophole for him and gives him straight access into your life!
Lovers’ Danger Zone Exposed
Where is this place?
It is a place where all the butterflies that used to flap their wings at the sight of your loved ones have all lost their wings and can’t fly again!
It is a place where the sound of joy is gone and only lamentations can be heard.
It is a place where rejoicing has withered and only sounds of apathy are left
It is a place where there is no more agreement between the couple, and all they do is quarrel, throw tantrums, and suspect each other.
It is a place where couples live as singles and singles live as couples!
Lovers’ Danger Zone Exposed
Singles in courtship or married couples, never get to where you no longer love each other, where you are irritated at each other at the slightest interaction, and where the love has moved from exotic to toxic!
Refuse to cooperate with the devil to cause havoc in your life, rather cooperate with God to bring favour and increase into your life
Gladly follow the path of forgiveness and stop stifling the faith process, which is the avenue through which God will reach you.
Embrace His mercy by being merciful to one another and overlooking offences, rather than brooding on them!
Stay together, love one another, and refuse to yield to those lustful and adulterous thoughts that are designed to ruin your love story!
May your story remain glorious and not become a story that touches the heart!
The greatest thing that can happen to a person is to genuinely have someone that really cares for you! If you have someone like that, who loves you unabashedly, unashamedly, and unrepentantly, then you are blessed!
You can literally rest in that tender love and care knowing that your back is covered.
But when you have been betrayed over and over again, it becomes difficult to trust again. Sometimes, we have allowed the betrayals we have experienced to obfuscate the tender love and care of God toward us.
His Tender Love And Care
The below story illustrates how far God can go to show His love for us!
Numbers 11:18-23 (MSG) “Tell the people, Consecrate yourselves. Get ready for tomorrow when you’re going to eat meat. You’ve been whining to GOD, ‘We want meat; give us meat. We had a better life in Egypt.’ GOD has heard your whining and he’s going to give you meat. You’re going to eat meat.
[19] And it’s not just for a day that you’ll eat meat, and not two days, or five or ten or twenty,
[20] but for a whole month. You’re going to eat meat until its coming out your nostrils. You’re going to be so sick of meat that you’ll throw up at the mere mention of it. And here’s why: Because you have rejected GOD who is right here among you, whining to his face, ‘Oh, why did we ever have to leave Egypt?'”
[21] Moses said, “I’m standing here surrounded by 600,000 men on foot and you say, ‘I’ll give them meat, meat every day for a month.’
[22] So where’s it coming from? Even if all the flocks and herds were butchered, would that be enough? Even if all the fish in the sea were caught, would that be enough?”
[23] GOD answered Moses, “SO, DO YOU THINK I CAN’T TAKE CARE OF YOU? You’ll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not.”
His Tender Love And Care
Moses doubted God if he could take care of them in the wilderness. 600k men besides women and children needed meat!
And God asked, “So you think I can’t take care of you?” Of course, He did, and they took meet till it came of their noses!
God is asking the same question today!
Your relationship, marriage, or whatever the situation is, do you think God can’t take care of it?
Well, I have good news for you today!
God will take care of you! Rest in His care! Stop worrying and learn to trust in Him! Trusting in Him will unleash the reality of His love and care over you!
Whatever anguish, agony, or pain you are going through, have a conversation with God this morning and express your trust in His care, and then you will see the reality of that care!
I pray for you, God will take care of you in Jesus’ name!
Happy New Month! This month will be a glorious month for us all. God has been good. We just have six months to go this year! May God honour you and yours this month in Jesus’ name!
We all grow up with certain habits.
If they are healthy habits, praise God.
If they are unhealthy habits, you have a lot of stuff to confront and deal with.
Your habits eventually form you.
Your habits determine your attitude temperature.
For example, a person who grows up in a polygamous setting would have certain habits and outlook on life.
Such a person will be suspicious of everybody. Everybody is a suspect. The fighter in such a person is always on alert. The person lives with his attack and defense on overdrive all the time.
Now, those kinds of habits seem right because the person has had those habits for a long time.
But the reality is that the fact that you’ve had those habits for long does not make them right.
Let’s just pick one deadly habit that would ruin any relationship.
What exactly is it?
When you have a Whisperer as a friend!
Why Lovers Break Up
Proverbs 16:28 (KJV) A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
Wow! Read that again and again!
Let’s break this down.
I think the scriptures are just too loaded. And very practical.
God sure knows His children!!!
A froward man or troublemaker sows strife. We all know that strife is dangerous.
How does he do this?
He does this by “whispering”
A troublemaker sows strife as seed through words, whispering.
Beware of a whisperer.
The Yorubas have a not-too-nice name for it – “Gbeborun!”
A whisperer is ineffective until he or she has a fellow whisperer.
Never allow a whisperer to make you his dumping ground. You are not a refuse ground!
If you are in a relationship and you have a whisperer friend, that relationship may not last because the goal of the whisperer is to separate chief of friends.
His unwritten goal is to break that relationship.
Why Lovers Break Up
Who is a whisperer?
He or she is the gossip!
That is how the Message Translation describes it.
Proverbs 16:28 (MSG) Troublemakers start fights; gossips break up friendships.
Do you have a friend who is a gossip? Or are you the gossip?
You will unconsciously mess up your own relationship and others’ relationships if you are not careful.
A whisperer or gossip will end relationships.
The whisperer gossips about everybody, gossips about parents, pastors, friends, and just anybody.
One whisperer can throw a church apart because he or she doesn’t just talk, he SOWS strife and whatever is sown grows!
I will stop here this morning.
Once again, Happy New month… and well, say bye-bye to all whisperers as the new month begins.
Gen 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The words “Leave” and “Cleave” stick out inside the above verse.
An understanding of these words will substantially help us in our marriage!
The word “Leave” means to loosen, relinquish, permit, and forsake
It is a complete departure. But it is in no way a disconnection.
The man has to do the leaving.
Without leaving, there’ll by no means be a successful marriage.
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All undue interference and manipulation from the dad and mom or in-laws ought to be minimized.
The word “Cleave” means cling or adhere; to catch by pursuit: – abide, follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), and pursue hard
Allegiance has to shift from parents to your spouse.
This is what marriage is.
Leaving To Cleave In Love
Your spouse comes first from the wedding day.
Your spouse takes precedence.
Your mum is another man’s wife, not your wife.
Your own spouse needs to be your priority.
Cleaving means to catch by pursuit, so you never stop pursuing your wife.
You keep at it, even after the wedding.
In the pursuit lies the cleaving.
The guy is to cleave unto HIS OWN wife!
Trying to cleave to some other guy’s spouse will bring in marital disaster.
It also means to follow close. Leaving To Cleave In Love
Be joined and connected to her emotionally and otherwise. When things appear not to be going right, you don’t give up. This is what it means to cleave.
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You don’t pack your stuff and start singing songs of divorce when there is a little provocation.
This is what cleaving is.
It is much like your relationship with God.
You are to cleave unto Him and not try to depart when matters seem not to be going your very own way.
Leaving God and refusing to cleave will complicate issues, and that is the same thing in marriage.
You are to cleave for life!
Any attempt to leave is a tearing part that would be painful.
Stay with each other no matter what.
Cleaving means that you are dedicated to each other.
It means sharing with each other on the deepest level.
It means enjoying each other and supplying warmth for yourselves.
Ecc 4:11 (KJV) Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
I pray that God will grant understanding.
Your marriage will not suffer a crisis.
Your marriage will not lose that godly steam.
I pray that God will pour new wine into your marriage and cause the love between you to come alive!
