Conflict Resolution In Relationship And Marriage. George and Sally fell in love with each other. They were so happy, they knew God was in it. They had prayed, fasted, and involved their pastors along. They were so sure it is going to be a time of heaven on earth.
Sally had a lot of childhood expectations for herself and the love of her life. She had plans and had her imagination filled with how they would live together in courtship. To her greatest surprise, not too long into their courtship, they started having clashes.
George was insensitive with his words and often passed unpleasant jokes and comments about Sally. Sally on the other hand was being overly sensitive. This continued for a long time until they both began to contemplate going their separate ways.
It was a rude shock to Sally that despite being in the center of God’s will they still have issues. The problem is that she is not even sure what she is doing wrong. If she must save her courtship she must know how to handle issues between them.
She decided to write out the things they were doing wrong in their courtship. She came up with the following.
Conflict Resolution In Relationship And Marriage
They were shouting at each other.
They were accusing each other.
They were full of retaliation.
Rather than listen to one another, they would defend themselves.
They both wanted to win the argument.
They were fond of reporting one another.
They will keep malice for days and they both found it difficult to forgive and let go. After writing about all the problems they were facing in their relationship, She had a light bulb moment. Those were the things they should never do to each other. They must find a way to eliminate and handle the issues correctly.
On the other hand, the Johnsons have been married for three years and their marriage seems to go through high waters. They seem to argue over everything. It didn’t look like they went through courtship. Their differences seem so much and they don’t know how to manage them. Mrs. Johnson could not take any of these again, it was already affecting her health. They tried a few times to stop the incessant quarrels but soon they were back to square one.
There were times it got so bad, and other times they tried managing themselves. What could be wrong with us? She started to ask some questions. As she sat before me, I proffered some solutions to their issues. Here are some things she learned.
Conflict Resolution In Relationship And Marriage
Be positive. Think good of each other. Don’t assume.
Identify the problem. Do not muddle things up
Never attack your spouse. You’re a team.
Express your feelings in love. Be considerate
See any mistake as our mistake.
Never be too big to apologize.
Be prayerful and learn to talk to God
Seek a professional counselor, not a family member to help resolve the conflict.
With these tips, she and her husband are on their way to recovering their marriage. Mrs. Johnson was determined more than ever before to do everything in her path to enjoy bliss in her marriage.
In the same way, we must be determined to seek help and do all we can to ensure our marriage is great! Conflict Resolution In Relationship And Marriage
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Building Intimacy By Meeting Needs. There cannot be intimacy where needs are not met. We are drawn to ourselves more when we meet each other’s need. Women have needs that are so different from the needs of men. These needs are very genuine and you grow intimately when you focus on meeting these specific needs.
Basically, we meet our spouse’s needs by speaking their love language. What is the language your spouse is speaking right now? We have different needs per time. Are you meeting those needs by speaking his/her love language? Be committed to Building Intimacy By Meeting Needs.
For example, a husband feels he’s working hard to provide for the wife while the wife may need him to just be around her at the time because she’s going through a lot of emotions or maybe she needs him to be a friend.
You may have been working hard in the wrong direction.
The husband may get angry, frustrated, and disappointed that she’s not being grateful. It is not that she’s ungrateful, it’s just that you have not spoken her love language and have not met her needs.
This can lead to arguments and quarrels. If it is not handled well, the couple can begin to drift apart. Especially if good communication is not encouraged. This can be resolved by finding out and trying to understand why he/she is not happy when you feel they should be excited.
Note that you cannot meet the needs you don’t know anything about. Both husband and wife must be committed to communication. There is nothing like, “I am the quiet type!” You are to strive and commit to talking all the time to keep communication alive. This is what Building Intimacy By Meeting Needs entails.
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am intentional about being intimate with my spouse. I am careful to notice what their needs are and I meet those needs.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Help me Lord to grow in my intimacy with my spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. Gen 2:23-24 NKJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be intentional about being intimate with your spouse. Seek to know what love language your spouse is speaking par time and meet their needs.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Gen 2
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How To Build Intimacy Intentionally. This is a very interesting topic and I hope we all are ready to learn one or two things. For our marriage to work and be blissful, we have to invest in knowledge. Knowledge is very important in the issue of marriage.
Men and women are so different. We have to humble ourselves to learn and keep on learning.
The whole concept of marriage is for intimacy. Intimacy simply means “into me see, into my needs, or a deep connection between spouses”. It is when two people become one flesh.
Gen 2:23 -25 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Many people build their marriage on different things e.g. kids, career, fame, ministry, and so on, whereas we should build our marriages on our relationships with one another.
The kids will grow and go, what happens to our relationship with each other?
Marriage is meant to survive anything where there is intimacy. It can survive infertility, infidelity, lack, poverty, health challenges, or interference. Interference of in-laws or third parties thrives in a marriage without intimacy.
The bond and covenant of marriage are strong enough to withstand any of these pressures.
When we build intimacy in our marriage that’s when we begin to enjoy the rewards of unity. Where we begin to have great rewards, we begin to chase 10,000 more as a couple.
How do we build intimacy in our relationship? Let’s look at the acronym ‘INTIMACY’.
How To Build Intimacy Intentionally
1. INTENTIONAL
We cannot build intimacy in our marriage without being intentional. We don’t become one at the altar on the wedding day. We are pronounced ‘one’ and then go through the process of becoming one which involves the two spouses.
No marriage suddenly breaks; couples gradually drift apart.
Love can die. If love can grow then it can also die. We have to be intentional about keeping love ablaze.
As powerful as fire is, something has to keep it burning. Such is the passion of love. We start a marriage with emotional love where we love almost unconsciously.
As the marriage grows, we need to be intentional and conscious about loving our spouses, knowing them, meeting their deepest needs, and being there for them.
Good couples become intimate by chance but great couples become intimate by choice. This is How To Build Intimacy Intentionally
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am intentional about being intimate with my spouse. I am careful to notice what their needs are and I meet those needs.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Help me Lord to grow in my intimacy with my spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. Gen 2:23-24 NKJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be intentional about being intimate with your spouse. Seek to know what love language your spouse is speaking par time and meet their needs.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Gen 2
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The Commitment Of Marriage. God is our creator, He made us and we are the sheep of His pasture. He also created the marriage institution and knows how best it is to be worked. He didn’t just leave us clueless but gave us His guidelines.
The Bible is our manufacturer’s manual. It becomes our road map to doing marriage well. God has promised the days of heaven on earth in our marriages. We can only achieve this when we live according to the dictates of the Bible.
Any diversion from the commands of God’s injunctions leads to a negative experience. God may lead us around but He definitely will not lead us wrong.
There are instructions for living individually because it is two whole individuals that make a good marriage.
We are to study the Word of God for living. The Word is to transform us.
Let’s look at one of the core instructions to married couples in Ephesians. It speaks specifically to husbands and wives. This is The Commitment Of Marriage
Husbands and wives are to pursue these instructions with the whole of their hearts. They are to study it in different translations of the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit for Grace to do it no matter what.
That is how to follow God. The rewards are for the Word practitioners. Talk is cheap, quoting the scriptures is cheap but being a doer of the Word is where the real work is.
Ephesians 5:21-33 TPT And out of your reverence for Christ be supportive of each other in love.
For wives, this means being devoted to your husbands like you are tenderly devoted to our Lord, for the husband provides leadership for the wife, just as Christ provides leadership for his church, as the Savior and Reviver of the body.
In the same way, the church is devoted to Christ, let the wives be devoted to their husbands in everything.
And to the husbands, you are to demonstrate love for your wives with the same tender devotion that Christ demonstrated to us, his bride. For he died for us, sacrificing himself to make us holy and pure, cleansing us through the showering of the pure water of the Word of God. All that He does in us is designed to make us a mature church for his pleasure, until we become a source of praise to him—glorious and radiant, beautiful and holy, without fault or flaw.
Husbands, have the obligation of loving and caring for their wives the same way they love and care for their own bodies, for to love your wife is to love your own self.
No one abuses his own body but pampers it—serving and satisfying its needs.
That’s exactly what Christ does for his church! He serves and satisfies us as members of his body.
For this reason, a man is to leave his father and his mother and lovingly hold to his wife, since the two have become joined as one flesh.
Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great mystery of Christ and his church.
So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself.
And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband. This is The Commitment Of Marriage.
This remains the core of the marriage relationship. Couples having issues in their marriage should come to a point where the Word becomes the final authority they both submit to.
Each couple should embark on a personal journey of doing everything possible to unravel this instruction. Study, meditate and confess this scripture.
Any teaching that is outside these instructions is not the Word.
Let me leave us all to study this scripture. May the Lord grant us understanding
Our marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I live by the word. I honor the Word. I humble myself under the mighty hand of the Word. As I obey the Word, my life and marriage is transformed.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom to honor my spouse in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself. And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband. Ephesians 5:33 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study this scripture until you have understanding and revelation on it.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Eph 5
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The Five Magic Words For Couples. If you attended a good nursery and primary school, you will probably have learnt that there are five magic words
When growing up, it must have been the training passed down to you by your parents. The use of these magic words is the normal etiquette of any relationship
As couples, these five magic words should not be far from our lips. We should be courteous to each other.
The Five Magic Words For Couples
1. Thank you The first magic word is thank you. As couples, we should be quick to thank our spouses. For little things and big things. You may not know the sacrifices they are going through. Being married to you is a lot of sacrifice, that we should thank our spouse for.
Take nothing for granted.
2. Please This shows courtesy and respect for the person you are talking to. Please close the door, please make rice for me, please take the bin out etc. Don’t talk to your spouse as if they were your servant.
3. Sorry Apology can never be wrong. Some spouse feel too big to say sorry. You should learn to say sorry. Humble yourself and tell your spouse “I am sorry”. Let your sorry be from a genuine heart
4. Excuse me Another word that shows you respect your spouse
5. Pardon me You cannot just bump on your spouse all in the name of superiority complex.
These are The Five Magic Words For Couples. All these magic words should be used by couples when interacting with each other
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am courteous when talking to my spouse. My words are gracious seasoned with salt
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom to honor my spouse in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make the five magic words a part of your words
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Pro 18
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