In relationships, there will be instances where your significant other inadvertently inflicts hurt upon you. It’s not a deliberate act, but rather a consequence of human nature – we are, after all, only human.
As spiritual beings residing on this side, the sting of these hurts often cuts deep due to the profound trust, love, and emotional bonds involved.
The root of these hurts may often be traced back to temperamental differences, as individuals naturally attract those with opposing temperaments. Picture the calm and easy-going drawn to the vivacious Sanguine, or the goal-oriented Choleric captivated by the carefree Sanguine or the relaxed Phlegmatic.
While these differences are complementary, they can also become sources of conflict, generating deep hurts, offenses, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit.
Unchecked hurts evolve into lasting offenses, fostering bitterness and an unforgiving spirit. It’s essential to recognize that harboring unforgiveness obstructs the flow of blessings into one’s life.
The Christian journey expressly forbids harboring an unforgiving attitude. Jesus, our ultimate example, demonstrated the divine nature of forgiveness even amid brutal treatment during his crucifixion.
Jesus forgave, and through His forgiveness, resurrection power was unleashed, bringing Him back from the dead. Now, the glorified Jesus sits in majesty at the right hand of God.
In line with Christian teachings, holding onto offense or unforgiveness contradicts the principles of faith. As emphasized in Mark 11:25 (KJV), forgiveness is an integral part of a successful life.
Mar 11:25 (KJV) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Offense, hurts, and bitterness serve as impediments to blessings; therefore, it is paramount to sidestep them in your relationships.
Release the grip of unforgiveness; forgive your ex-partner and release them from the depths of your heart. The subsequent choices your ex makes, including their marital decisions, are inconsequential. Letting go is the key, to allowing God to orchestrate His plan in your life.
May God grant you heightened understanding as you navigate the complex terrain of relationships.
Embarking on the journey of destiny often reveals itself in unexpected ways. This narrative unfolded during my time at Olabisi Onabanjo University, formerly known as Ogun State University. The story revolves around a new student, a “fresher” or “jambite” in our campus lingo, who found accommodation in the same hall I resided in.
Divine Incidence on Campus
In the grand script of life, orchestrated by the Almighty, there is no room for coincidence; only divine incidence. We, as mere actors and actresses, play our roles in a drama directed and produced by God Himself. Staying within the script ensures a blockbuster unfolding of our destinies. Allow God to direct the script(. Don’t attempt to manufacture your own script! The movie will not “blow” like that!
The First Encounter
My roommate and I, as self-appointed ambassadors of welcome, set out to greet these new arrivals. Little did we know that divine orchestration was at play. Upon laying eyes on her, a sense of certainty enveloped me – a whisper from the Holy Spirit, perhaps – that she would be my wife. Her physical beauty, though not the sole criterion, played a significant role in this divine revelation.
Timing is Everything
Despite this revelation, I exercised patience and restraint, allowing a year to pass without expression. Two reasons governed this apparent inaction: my inherent shyness and an intuitive understanding that the timing wasn’t ripe. Understanding the patterns through which God communicates became pivotal in deciphering the journey ahead. Going ahead of God can ruin beautiful things even when it is God’s plan.
You see, when God speaks, His voice can be so resolute and strong that you often jump out without finding out details.
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. (Song of Songs 2:8 KJV)
The Holy Spirit’s Guidance
As children of God, embracing the Holy Spirit’s guidance becomes paramount. Recognizing the patterns through which God communicates, be it in relationships or other life aspects, is crucial. Filling our hearts with faith for His leading involves immersing ourselves in scriptures about divine guidance.
The Burden of Preparation
The voice of God is resolute, often requiring preparation before performance. Recognizing the two dimensions of this burden – preparation and performance – is vital. Rushing into action without understanding the nuances can lead to missteps, as seen in the misadventure of proposing prematurely. That revelation from God, is it for preparation or [performance? A major question to answer!
The Importance of Timing
Understanding God’s timing is fundamental to avoiding missteps. In my journey, God revealed the path of teaching relationships in 1997, but it took a decade before I stepped into that calling. Attempting to initiate the journey prematurely led to failure, emphasizing the significance of divine timing.
Seeking Guidance in Decision-Making
As married couples, there are even more decisions to make. Keep asking Him before you take that decision, before you make that business decision and He will always speak to you. Don’t be hasty! Be led by God. That is how not to make a bad business decision. There is nothing wrong in asking God again and again.
God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God. (Psalms 62:11 KJV)
Conclusion and Prayer
This morning, I speak the light of God that comes from His word into your life, I declare that confusion is not your portion. I pray for married couples, God will direct you in that decision you need to make in Jesus name!
Growth and change are two things that are constant in life, relationship and marriage.
We grow just as our spouse grows and changes.
At this junction, I have to say that there are positive and negative changes that might occur. We are however focusing on the positive changes
There are a lot of things that will change about us. Our age, our taste, our perspectives on life and things generally, our opinion, our health, and whole other things
As we experience these changes and metamorphosis, usually in becoming a better version of ourselves, our values change. What we spend our time on before is not what we spend our time on now.
Sometimes these changes come with their challenges. Most of the time our spouse begins to see this as strange and begins to react.
They are not used to the new you. This is where adjusting is needed.
We are to adjust to the positive changes of our spouses especially when the changes are beneficial.
Ways to handle your spouse’s positive changes
1. We have to acknowledge and respect the differences in our paths to personal growth.
2. We need to understand and appreciate the fact that evolving as individuals may lead to diverse perspectives and be ready to adjust and cope, not quarrel.
3. See the evolution of your partner as an opportunity to learn and grow. Be ready to learn from the uniqueness of each other
4. Learn to appreciate and celebrate the victories that your spouse’s changes bring.
5. Enjoy the journey together embrace the change and find ways to personally grow as your spouse is growing.
Instead of fighting your spouse’s change and allowing it to bring a wedge between the two of you, step up your own game and embrace the change.
May we and our spouse enjoy the beauty of growth together
Pastor Sophia and I did this yesterday via YouTube. Did you miss it?
Find it below and enjoy the lessons, the laughter, and the conversation!
Every single in courtship should intently discuss this – Why do you want to marry me? A sincere in-depth discussion will bring to the fore a lot of revelation and let you be able to to discover a lot about the decision you are about to make.
Interestingly, many couples get “shocked” after the wedding because they discover many things after that!
This is what happens when the relationship gets sexual as singles and obscures the most important things that should be discussed.
Singles in courtship are distracted with outings, sex, fun, and other things that are not important.
Newlyweds and those who have been married for a while should also sit down from time to time to do this – What did you marry me?
It’s a good experience because it is a re-enactment of the core reasons you are together. And in case, distractions are coming in, which is usually the case, the needed rejuvenation can happen as powerful words are uttered to one another.
After all, the wedding day was all about words!
Thank God for the guests, the Aso-Ebi, the food, the reception, the parties, the gold hand rings, the several vendors contracted…but what joined the couple together were the words! Either in court or church, words were exchanged. Vows were made and after the vows, you became husband and wife. It was all about words!
If words bring you together, good words uttered in sincerity to one another will also sustain your relationship.
The course of a thing is also the sustainer of that thing. Sit down and talk!
Singles should ask one another, “Why do you want to marry me?”
Couples should ask from time to time, “Why did you marry me?”
Reproach comes at different times and different seasons.
I want to show you a scripture I discovered this morning and this will surely bless you a great deal.
What do you do when you are being reproached? What should be your line of action when people are laughing at you? It is one thing for people to laugh at you behind you and you are unaware, but it’s a different ball game when people reproach you to your very face and talk in a demeaning way about you and your God.
What do you do?
Let’s take a look at the scripture.
Psa 119:41-42 (KJV). Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word. [42] So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word.
How I so much love this scripture!
Let me paraphrase! Let your mercy come to me so that mercy can respond to those who reproach me!
Wow!
God is saying that the panacea to that reproach in your life is mercy!
Reproach as a single or even as a couple, you don’t even need to respond to them! What will respond is mercy!
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Psa 119:41-42 (MSG) Let your love, GOD, shape my life with salvation, exactly as you promised; [42] Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your Word.
You don’t need to respond to reproach or mockery all by yourself!
What will respond with a blessing, a miracle, an incredible result is Mercy!
Ask for God’s mercy this morning!
And keep asking every day and every time.
It’s one prayer you should not stop praying all your life!
Mercy!
God’s mercy will speak for you today and answer every point of reproach and mockery in your life in Jesus’ name!
We are in a generation where couples must be deliberate in nurturing their love and romance. Work schedules, lifestyles, and personal choices are gradually eroding the bonding that should exist between a husband and a wife at all times.
If bonding is not worked at, things will gradually degenerate! May that never be our portion!
It is the same thing for singles in courtship. Bonding especially on an intellectual level must be achieved. Communication should be top-notch as this is the bedrock of any successful marriage. The only bonding that should not happen before a wedding is sexual bonding! I believe singles already know this!
One of the ways to bond together is by playing together!
Playing together as a couple is a natural way to eliminate the unnecessary stress that comes with raising a family! Don’t take playfulness out of your marriage!
This is one thing I still do till tomorrow. I play a lot with my wife! It’s a good way to bond!
Another thing that being playful together as a couple does is that it creates shared memories which leads to deeper emotional connection!
Conversely, quarreling all the time and engaging in unending bickering will tear you apart emotionally till you are irritated at each other. It even gets more intense and hatred comes in.
How do you move from loving someone so much to hating that person so much?
Carelessness in not nurturing your marriage can result in this!
If playfulness is absent in your marriage, then start by scheduling it. An example is a playful dance session. Another one is a gentle pillow fight!
Let me warn you ahead of time that one spouse will not usually like this idea as one is always serious while the other is playful. But you must keep at it.
Genuinely invest in joy in your home. Play together. And enjoy yourself, and of course, this will lead to a better intimacy between the two of you!
Alright, we have been looking at couple combinations in the past few days!
We are looking at a peculiar combination today! We know that opposites attract, but with a few exceptions, we often have couples of the same temperament and tendencies getting married.
This is why we are looking at these combinations to know how couples can manage themselves.
A quiet husband and a quiet wife! Wow!
Their marriage will be a peaceful one, at least in a general sense, but this does not mean there won’t be underlying conflicts and tantrums.
Both of them are not vocal, so there is a high tenacity that they bottle things up, go through the motions to avoid issues and never tell themselves the truth.
They will usually be of the phlegmatic temperament and whatever they lack in utterance, they will compensate with their stubborn stances.
They are usually unyielding and their stubbornness is their coping mechanism for those who want to take advantage of them.
Their home will likely be boring because they are not outgoing and they don’t do well in making too many friends.
What must they do?
They have to learn to go against their basic temperamental tendencies to bring some balance into their home and marriage.
They also have to learn to be expressive and not just bottle everything up in a bid to avoid conflict and quarrels.
They must work on their sense of humour because phlegmatics can have a biting, dry, humorous sense.
Their pursuit of dreams and goals will need to be supercharged constantly because their temperaments are those of procrastination.
They also have to learn to encourage and motivate one another because phlegmatics generally lack inner motivation.
That said, they will generally have a peaceful but uneventful lifestyle that comes naturally!
Here is the second part of this couple combination.
A vocal husband, vocal wife combination will need a lot of wisdom and tact to survive in their marriage. If they don’t manage their personalities well, a crash is imminent.
Here are a few areas they need to work on.
Their anger.
I gave an example of Simeon and Levi yesterday! Their sister was raped in a particular city and because of that, they got angry and wiped off a whole city of all males and cattle!
Why did they go to that extent? They were two angry brothers. Their anger was referred to as instruments of cruelty. They went to that extent because both of them were angry at the same time!
Now, a vocal husband and a vocal wife cannot afford to be angry simultaneously! The house will be in flames!
No wonder the scripture even warned against getting married to a person who has uncontrollable anger issues.
Pro 22:24 (KJV) Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:
Let’s take a look at some other translations.
Pro 22:24 (GNB) Don’t make friends with people who have hot, violent tempers.
Pro 22:24 (MSG) Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads.
Pro 22:24 (GW) Do not be a friend of one who has a bad temper, and never keep company with a hothead,
You will be amazed at why the scripture advises against befriending an angry person.
Pro 22:25 (KJV) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
Wow!
Even if you were not given to anger before, moving closely with an angry person can initiate you into that anger cult!
Pro 22:25 (MSG) Bad temper is contagious— don’t get infected.
It is contagious!
In conclusion, a vocal husband, and a vocal wife must make up their minds to stay away from anger!
This morning, we are looking at an explosive combination, probably the most volcanic of couple types!
Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife!
What?
As uncommon as it could be, this coupling type exists!
Well, Pastor, you said opposites attract, so what happened in this scenario?
Well, there is every possibility they started as vocal and quiet, but as time goes on, the other quiet spouse adopted being vocal as a coping mechanism with a vocal spouse!
This person assumes the only way they can survive in that marriage is to match their spouse, word for word, trouble for trouble, and vice for vice!
Couple Types: Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife
This type of couple is very explosive, they fear one another, and the house is usually one of shouting matches.
The spouses are unwilling to give in to one another. There is no mutual submission and any form of submission is seen as a sign of weakness on their part.
In some cases, they get violent with each other and sometimes destroy things!
This type of couple is sitting on a gunpowder and it is a matter of time before it explodes on their faces.
They are both angry and volatile with their emotions.
I am sure you remember the case of Simeon and Levi .
Gen 49:5-6 (KJV) Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. [6] O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.
Two angry people in a marriage is never recommended!
In the Amplified version, it says
Gen 49:5 (AMPC) Simeon and Levi are brothers [equally headstrong, deceitful, vindictive, and cruel]; their swords are weapons of violence. [Gen 34:25-29]
Note the word, EQUALLY! No marriage can survive where the couple is equally vocal, vindictive, troublesome, and angry!
For this marriage to survive, they have to be willing to die to their flesh and sacrifice for one another.
We have been looking at couple types and we looked at vocal husband and quiet wife. We started looking at quiet husband vocal wife yesterday and we will delve into Part 2 today.
The quiet husband, though inexpressive is like a pillar of strength for the family. He is the definition of strength, without noise. He has this quiet noiseless faith that can get the job done without much noise.
However, his weaknesses also come to the fore because he can be withdrawn, and secretive and can make decisions without informing his spouse.
The quiet husband will often struggle with the need for validation because his quiet nature presents the picture of a weak husband in the light of societal expectations. He has to learn to appreciate his uniqueness while also working on his extreme reservation.
The immediate challenge is that he is married to a wife who is vocal and who enjoys talking chatting, babbling, and everything in between.
His quietude will be seen by his wife as a deliberate neglect of her needs. She is emotional, so she can hardly understand why she can talk and her husband won’t talk.
It becomes even more intense if the husband can get chatty with his friends but won’t talk chattily with his wife.
The husband must learn to talk because his wife will never understand his reservations, The vocal wife must learn to talk less because her husband won’t understand why she can’t keep her mouth shut.
Incidentally, if the husband begins to talk a lot and the wife shuts up too much, we will have even more crises. So, what is needed is actually for them to be balanced in their relationships with one another.
They must love and accept one another’s personalities and then begin to work together to improve their communication. Marriage is a place of sacrifice! So they both need to sacrifice “This-is-me” syndrome and seek to please the other person!
The goal is peace and tranquility without strife in the home and guess what,? It is very possible!
Hello, people of God. We started looking at different couple types and we have seen vocal husband and quiet wife. Today we will quickly look at the quiet husband and the vocal wife. When we have this combination, there are some peculiarities to be expected.
The quiet husband usually has a phlegmatic temperament and because opposite attracts like I always say, he is likely to attract somebody opposite his temperament, maybe a choleric or a Sanguine. So what do we have here?
At any provocation, because the wife is the vocal one she goes into a lot of babbling and rattling which of course the husband doesn’t like.
The vocal wife talks when she’s happy and when she’s unhappy, she talks when she’s friendly and she also talks when she is angry. She draws her fulfillment from talking.
We see a lot of frustration for her because the husband is not the talking type. So most of the time, she has nobody to talk to which makes her unfulfilled.
In this case, we usually see a situation where she becomes a gossip because her husband doesn’t enjoy talking.
The husband has to learn to move away from his quietude and learn to talk to his wife so that there can be some fulfillment for the vocal wife. Also, the wife has to bridle her mouth so that she doesn’t get on his nerves all the time. Of course, we also know that respect is a major issue for a man, and when a wife talks a lot, especially angrily, that comes as disrespect to the man.
The man also has to be careful not to mute his wife completely otherwise there won’t be peace in that particular home. So a lot of balance and maturity are needed in that particular family.
I am going to take a break briefly from our series on Couple Types and bring to us a word from the Lord for this month!
So dear people, members, and partners of Kisses and Huggs Club, Happy New Month!
What is God’s word for us this month?
Psa 30:11-12 (GNB) You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance; you have taken away my sorrow and surrounded me with joy. [12] So I will not be silent; I will sing praise to you. LORD, you are my God; I will give you thanks forever.
Every point of your life where you have been sad in these past twelve months, there is a divine CHANGE for you, and that sadness is being changed into a joyful dance in the name of Jesus!
1. So there is a change!
Yes, God Himself recognizes that there has been sorrow in some area of your life, but He is going to change the narrative in your life! Wow! God is changing the narrative for you!
2. There is a “taking away!”
God is taking away every sorrow from your life! You will look for sorrow and you won’t find it any longer! Why? God is taking it away, never to come your way again!
3. There is a surrounding!
The next thing in the scripture above says God is going to surround you with joy! Wow!
Everywhere you look, what you will see is joy! Every place you enter, what will meet you is joy!
4. As a result of this, you can’t be silent!
You can’t be silent this December! You are going to sing your praise unto your God this month! You will give thanks forever for what the Lord will do in your life this month!
Can you say this with me: This month, I am surrounded by joy, no more sadness around me, and sorrow is gone away from me, I will sing continually this month!
The deepest desire of your heart is being granted this month in Jesus name!
The Vocal husband is the life of the party in the family. If he dares keep quiet, the whole house shuts down. When the vocal husband goes quiet, something is really wrong that needs urgent attention. You see, his default mode is to keep talking.
The Quiet wife is the definition of peace, tranquility, and serenity in the house. If she ever starts talking in anger, there is a real problem.
In order for there to be balance in the family and for the children not to be tilted out of balance in one direction, the couple has to work on their marriage and be on the same page.
Our weaknesses are always strengths turned inward, so what this means is that a weakness is actually within the strength and it has to be managed well so that strength will win.
For example, a husband who talks a lot brings fun to the house, but will equally use strong words at the slightest provocation.
The wife who is on the quiet side seems very peaceful but will continually aggravate the husband with her shell-like withdrawal, her easy tendencies for depression and despondency, her unresponsiveness to her husband’s vibes, and so on and so forth!
The vocal husband must learn to shut up when angry and the quiet wife must learn to express herself when angry.
Interestingly, the vocal husband can easily forgive when he vents, while the quiet wife can be vindictive and unforgiving in her quietude. Note that venting with negative words and abuse is not always the best way to go.
The balance is that they must work together and understand one another while improving their communication skills.
If you are like the couple above and you seem to have done everything possible with no headway, you might want to reach me via WhatsApp for some deep therapeutic steps both of you can take! The issue must be resolved!
We will be looking at more couple combinations in the coming days!
Wow, this looks like Pastor Sophia and I. Interestingly, I used to be quiet growing up. I really don’t know what happened. Any idea?
In the next few days, we are going to be looking at this series on different types of couples.
We are starting with The Vocal Husband and The Quiet Wife.
I have said it over and over again, opposites will always attract. And then after the wedding, as you begin to live together, the very opposites that attracted you will now begin to repel you.
And that is when the job really begins. I am usually amused at singles who say they know each other very well. It’s amusing. I have been married for twenty-four years and I can’t say I know my wife. You may as well go and ask couples who have been married for like forty years, they will tell you the same. This doesn’t mean your spouse is mysterious, it simply means there are different aspects that unfold every day. Several treasures are buried in your spouse that only find expression as time goes on.
Back to our topic, the vocal husband uses conversation as a personal therapy, he enjoys it and is emotionally fulfilled just by talking. The downside is that he also wants to talk when he is angry, sometimes using heavy words that can cause emotional damage to his wife. When he is angry, he vents using words in other to feel okay.
On the flip side, his wife who is on the receiving side, is likely not to enjoy such words when her husband is angry. Because she is a quiet wife, she is sensitive to words. Her therapeutic method is to be quiet and she can be fulfilled not talking.
The husband hates this because he is talking and there are no commensurate responses. When the wife is angry, she easily withdraws into her cocoon, thereby frustrating her husband the more. The drama gets more intense!
In Proverbs 20:6 (KJV), the question echoes through time, resonating with those navigating the complex landscape of relationships: “Most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?”
The Illusion of Proclamation.
Most men will ‘toast’ you and promise you heaven and earth, but a faithful man who can find? This proclamation of virtue often masks the true essence of fidelity. As we explore this timeless challenge, it’s essential to dissect the layers beneath these surface affirmations.
Decoding ‘Faithful’: Trusty or Trustworthiness. The term ‘faithful’ finds its roots in the Greek word ’emun,’ denoting trustworthiness. Essentially, the question emerges: amidst good toasters, who can be trusted?
The Dilemma Explored.
David, in Psalm 12:1 (KJV), adds another layer to the complexity: “Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men.”
A Quest for Good Husbands
Are there good husbands in this age? Will one ever find a man that will love God and love his wife as well? The quest for a partner embodying both godliness and spousal devotion raises its head.
Navigating Temptations.
Are there still men who will not compromise and cheat on their wives? The perennial challenge of fidelity in the face of tempting situations emerges. Can one find a man who remains faithful despite the availability of temptations?
Elijah’s Revelation.
Well, there are still faithful men! Elijah’s encounter with God reveals that amidst perceived scarcity, a multitude remains steadfast, refusing to bow to societal pressures. Trust God to lead you and don’t trust your brain and calculations alone!
Shifting Perspectives.
The danger lies in concluding that “all men are evil.” Such a mindset perpetuates a cycle, attracting the very negativity one fears.
Trusting in Divine Guidance.
There are still faithful men, and there is a man that God has for you! Trusting in divine guidance becomes pivotal. When decisions align with God’s plan, the journey to finding a faithful companion becomes clearer.
The Pitfall of Self-Will.
But if you decide to do it your own way, try to buy your way into a man’s heart by offering your body, it usually wouldn’t work out because that is not God’s order. May God grant you more wisdom.
Embracing the Essence of “Leave” and “Cleave” in Marriage
Genesis Chapter Two and verse twenty-four sets the foundation for a thriving marital journey: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Unpacking the Significance of “Leave.”
The terms “Leave” and “Cleave” in this verse hold profound implications for successful marriages.
“Leave” signifies more than a physical departure. It involves loosening ties, relinquishing control, permitting independence, and forsaking undue interference. It’s a departure, not a disconnection.
A man’s departure is crucial for a prosperous marriage. It minimizes undue interference and control from parents, fostering an environment where the couple can flourish.
Understanding the Depth of “Cleave.”
“Cleave” means to cling, adhere, catch by pursuit, abide, follow closely, follow hard, and pursue relentlessly. It demands a shift of allegiance from parents to one’s spouse.
In marriage, your spouse takes precedence from day one. Cleaving means making your spouse the top priority, and understanding that your partner is not just another person’s spouse; they are yours. It involves continuous pursuit, a commitment that persists beyond the wedding day.
The Perseverance of Cleaving.
Cleaving is not a one-time event but a continuous pursuit. It’s an unyielding commitment to one’s own spouse. Attempting to cleave to another’s spouse can lead to marital crises. It requires being emotionally and otherwise connected, especially during challenging times.
Cleaving versus. Quitting
Cleaving means staying dedicated, and not quitting when faced with challenges. It’s comparable to one’s relationship with God; just as you cleave unto Him in adversity, you should cleave to your spouse in marital challenges. Leaving God or your spouse can complicate matters; therefore, cleave for life.
The Essence of Cleave: Dedication, Sharing, and Enjoyment
Cleaving goes beyond dedication; it involves sharing on the deepest level, enjoying each other’s company, and providing warmth. It’s a commitment to weathering storms together.
A Prayer for Strong Marriages
In closing, let’s offer a prayer for enduring and vibrant marriages:
“May God grant you profound understanding, shielding your marriage from crises. May the divine love between you two flourish, and may God infuse new life into your union.”
God’s word remains the only authentic manual for living a fruitful married life and indeed every other aspect of our lives
Marriage is not meant to be lived without God. How do you get God involved in your marriage except by finding out of His word says in every different aspect?
The issue of forgiveness is very crucial in marriage. We must guide ourselves on how to handle hurts and offenses such that they don’t degenerate into bitterness and finally get to a point where your spirit is closed against your spouse.
Marriage is a union that is meant to multiply our strength. One is meant to chase a thousand and two of us in marriage put ten thousand to flight.
Yet marriage is the place where most offenses occur, mostly because of temperamental differences, background differences, and male/ female differences.
Pressures of different sorts occur in marriage. Unmet expectations, challenges, and changes happen in marriage and all these cause the very foundation of our marriage to be shaken. Arming ourselves with the right knowledge and getting the strength to help us navigate this aspect of our marital journey is very important.
That hurts will not come is living in a fool’s paradise. Let’s look at what God’s word says
2 Cor 6:3 Giving no offence in anything, … We are to make sure we are not easily offended. Don’t easily be offended. Grow a thick skin to being offended. Holding offenses is not even good for our health.
Learn to let go quickly. I know it is not an easy pill to swallow. I also know, that depending on the magnitude of the offense, it becomes really hard to let go. Yet God’s word must be obeyed.
Matt 18:7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Offenses MUST come. This is a reality in marriage. We are not expecting it but we are armed with how to handle offenses quickly when they show up.
I think that is a fair way to live.
Let’s look at what God’s word has to say about forgiveness
Matt 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses
If we don’t forgive from our hearts, we stand the risk of having God holding our shortcomings against us. We are always in need of the mercy of God. So one of the reasons we forgive our spouse is because we also offend God in so many ways and want Him to forgive us. God counts it sheer wickedness, if we want God to forgive us and yet we withhold mercy from our covenant partner. Forgiveness is a show of Mercy that we give to the offender. When we show mercy to others we will also receive mercy.
I will stop here this morning. It is my prayer that God will grant us the Grace to forgive each other in marriage in Jesus’ mighty name.
In life, individuals, whether single or married, grapple with challenges that test their commitment to God’s path. Let’s explore the stories of Sally, John, Mr & Mrs Balley, and decipher the common thread that binds their struggles.
Sally is a church girl. She goes to church regularly, belongs to the choir, and serves God passionately, but she is also caught up with some habitual sins, which she has not been able to confront for a long time.
John is the fellowship head of his campus fellowship but has sexual relationships with some of the flock he is supposed to keep. He knows his lifestyle doesn’t please God, but he would find himself from time to time doing what he preaches against.
Mr & Mrs Balley want to serve God and they are doing all they can. It is just that they are both compromisers, they are seeing someone else. They know it is wrong, but they continue, thinking that somehow, things will just work out.
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What is common with these people?
They are all involved with what is not going to work. They are all hoping God’s mercy will work for them, and really it will work for a while.
Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. (Isaiah 55:1 KJV)
1. Recognizing the Invitation
Isaiah 55:1 extends an invitation—one that doesn’t require money but a thirsty heart. The principle embedded here is profound: the first step to a successful life, relationship, or marriage is to crave the things of God. Like buying water, wine, and milk without money, investing time and sincerity into God’s word is the key.
2. Thirst for God’s Word
Your legitimate thirst for a fulfilling life, a thriving marriage, and the finer things is acknowledged. However, the solution lies not in temporary gratification but in seeking the waters of God’s word. Quenching your soul’s thirst requires dedication and a heart turned toward God, not indulging in fleeting pleasures.
3. The Pitfall of Compromise
Sally, John, and Mr & Mrs Balley share a common misstep—they hope for God’s mercy while compromising. The invitation isn’t to quench your thirst in worldly traps but in the pure waters of God’s wisdom. Compromise may offer temporary relief, but true satisfaction lies in aligning with God’s principles.
4. Buying Rightly: A Heart Unto God
To navigate life successfully, you must buy rightly—with a sincere heart devoted to God. Spending time in God’s word becomes the currency for acquiring the revelations needed for your journey. The hunger for significance, wealth, and thriving marriage is pacified by honoring God’s invitation, not through fleeting relationships.
5. Honoring God’s Invitation
The emptiness, loneliness, and yearning for more find fulfillment in honoring God’s invitation. Seek His wisdom, not in temporary fixes, but in the enduring principles laid out in His word. Whether single or married, the key to lasting satisfaction is found in quenching your thirst with the eternal waters of divine guidance.
Conclusion: Embracing the Everlasting Solution
In the narratives of Sally, John, and Mr & Mrs Balley, we witness the struggles of those entangled in compromises. The enduring solution lies in recognizing the divine invitation, thirsting for God’s word, and buying rightly with a heart devoted to Him.
In the journey of matrimony, your words are more than mere expressions; they are catalysts for change. God, a speaking spirit, designed us to release creative power through speech. Don’t shy away—speak with wisdom, propelling your husband to take giant strides. Ensure you use the power of words to steer your marriage in the right direction by choosing to speak respectfully and with wisdom to your husband
7. Avoid Silence, Be a Person of Influence
While being a person of few words is commendable, silence has no place in your relationship. Don’t be a piece of furniture; instead, be a strategic communicator. Your role as a helper is amplified when your words are infused with wisdom and purpose.
8. The Power of Genuine Prayer
As a helpmeet, embrace the role of an intercessor. Connect with God on behalf of your husband, bringing his burdens and dreams to the divine realm. In genuine intercession, you’ll find a source of strength that transcends the earthly realm.
9. Crafting a Haven: The Art of Homemaking
Wives are natural multipliers; utilize this creative power to enhance your husband’s life. Transform your house into a home, a place of peace and rejuvenation. Let your homemaking skills become a testament to your love and commitment.
10. In His Shoes: Understanding Every Aspect
To truly be a part of your husband’s life, delve into every aspect of it. Understand his finances, relationships, challenges, dreams, and more. Whether accompanying him physically or supporting from afar, be intimately involved in his journey. Do not be emotionally detached!
Acknowledge the unique role you play in managing your husband’s passions. In marriage, find creative ways to satisfy his needs, ensuring anticipation and excitement. This role is exclusive to you—embrace it with love and openness.
In embracing expressive communication, heartfelt prayer, and active involvement, you become the architect of a flourishing marriage. May understanding and love continue to thrive in your relationship.
Maintain a firm hierarchy in your life—God first, your husband second, followed by your children, and only then any other relationships. This order should resonate in your actions, words, and thoughts. Ensure that your communication with your spouse surpasses any other conversations; anything less might be a misalignment of priorities. Don’t talk more to anybody than you talk to your spouse. It’s a misplaced priority.
2. Innovative Approaches to Respect
Recognize that respect is not just invaluable but also alluring and seductive. Respect is not only priceless, it’s attractive and sexy. Forge creative ways to express respect to your husband, intertwining your hearts and fostering a magnetic connection that keeps him returning to you repeatedly. It makes your husband’s heart knitted to yours
3. Embrace Your Role as a Helpmeet
Understand that your role is a life-long commitment. Embrace it with dedication, finding fulfillment in fulfilling it. This partnership is integral to the harmony of your life.
4. Cultivate Friendship with Your Husband
Invest time and energy into developing a profound friendship with your husband. This investment will yield substantial returns in the future. Strive to be intimately connected, so absorbed in pleasing your husband that trivial matters hold no significance in your busy life. Be as close to your husband as much as possible.
5. Acknowledge His Leadership Role
Recognize and treat your husband as the leader in your marriage. Approach him as royalty, and you will naturally assume your place as his queen. Treat him as a king and you will automatically find your place as a queen beside him. Be the sovereign companion he seeks, eliminating any need for him to look elsewhere.
Today’s insights end here, with more to come tomorrow.
May understanding abound, and may our marriages be blessed in the mighty name of Jesus.
