1. I will pursue my career, it is my life, don’t hinder me
Some married couples see their spouses as hindrances to fulfilling their careers, dreams, and desires. This is rather dysfunctional because, in God’s idea of marriage, your spouse is supposed to be an added advantage to the success of your career and dreams. No wonder the Bible says,’ One will chase a thousand, two will put ten thousand to flight’. This is a good deal, don’t you think? Your partner is supposed to push you ahead 10,000 times more. When you begin to feel otherwise, something is definitely wrong.
Maintaining balance between your career and relationship is one of the greatest achievements you can have in life.
2. My spouse cannot fully satisfy my needs, I need some other emotional affairs.
Well, in the agenda of God, your spouse is not supposed to play God and completely meet all your needs – that’s why ultimately your relationship with God is still your most vital relationship. Nonetheless, you do not need any form of an emotional affair, especially with any opposite sex. Your love relationship with your spouse should be such that you are satisfied and contented with the one God gave you needing no emotional gratification from any other.
For singles, this lie can open you up to double dating and emotional affairs, which are dangerous habits, because it is the rehearsal for extra marital affairs. You are supposed to be faithful, even emotionally.
3. Being vulnerable is not the best, you need to have some self defence mechanism
Usually, any self-defence mechanism that is not from the spirit of God will eventually lead to regret. God wants us to follow him and to do that wholly. Different people develop different defence mechanisms. Some don’t share their deepest longings; desires or aspirations, thinking if they do, this vital information will be used against them.
Some keep extended family issues away from their spouse, saying, ‘it’s my family issue, it’s none of your business.’ This is very defective because once you are married; you no longer have two families but one big family.
4. I need to have some people I get advice from without my spouse’s knowledge.
I am not saying you should not seek counsel. Remember in the midst of godly counsel, there is direction. However, the counsel is qualified – it has to be godly. That the Bible says ‘godly’ means there will be ungodly counsels too. One major characteristic of godly counsel is that it will seek to lead you more towards God and a well-balanced relationship. If this is the aim, then it should not be secretive, kept away from your spouse. Any relationship your spouse does not know of or approve of will eventually lead to negative repercussions.
5. Little lies in your relationship are inevitable.
Some people feel lies are part and parcel of any relationship. Some even say ladies are wired to believe lies, they prefer lies to truth. Well, this is an ungodly myth that is a wrong seed in your marriage or relationship. It will eventually yield unpleasant fruits. There are no little or big lies, white, grey, or black lies. A lie is nothing but a lie. One degree away from the truth is a lie. Sincerity becomes a priceless ingredient in the making of a godly marriage or relationship.
I pray that God will help us more and continue to open our eyes of understanding to know Him more and understand His ways better.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The counsel of God is my delight. I have the wisdom to stay away from dangerous habits.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will help you to stay on the path of truth and prevent you from falling into these dangerous habits.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of your life and make amends
There are important things to note in the area of falling in love as singles. I will share briefly five of them.
1. Relationship or marriage does not succeed just because you are a child of God
Yes, and I mean every word of that statement. Just because you are a child of God or you can speak in tongues does not mean you understand how to accommodate another human being in your life! You can be a child of God and still be ignorant of the principles to live by. It is therefore important to note that going after knowledge and self-development is important. Make it a commitment to do yourself that good. Decide to improve yourself before falling in love.
You want to get married in two years; the question is what books are you reading in that regard? What is your temperament? Someone was once asked what her temperament was and she said, do you mean all those “sardine tins?” Well, it is not “sardine,” it’s sanguine! Relationship and marriage succeed because you work at it and you work the godly principles.
2. Being in love with a person does not translate to direction from God You can fall in love with someone and yet it is not God’s plan for your life. The direction of your feelings and emotions is not necessarily a direction from God. Yes, God can use your desires to lead you and that is why I often tell people, make sure you pray before you fall in love! Once you are in love before praying, it can really be a difficult time hearing God because your emotions are involved. There is a difference between asking God for direction and asking Him to bless your decision.
3. You will fall in love with whomever you spend time
If you don’t want to become emotionally connected to that person, don’t spend time with such person. You know that his wife has travelled, and then you go and spend hours with him regularly? Doing what? You see, the flames of emotions are going to be fanned and if you are not careful, you are going to be getting involved in what you will regret later. A married person is a “No Go” area, so why waste your time, emotions and energy on relationships that God will never approve of? Why delay what God wants to do in your life with what you feel like doing?
4. Strife will stifle you and bitterness will not make you better If there is anything you should avoid like Ebola, it is strife and bitterness. It will practically cause things to be grounded. Stay away from such, so that God’s blessing can be yours at the maximum.
5. You need God’s favour in this new month
Connect yourself to God’s covenant of favour! Favour will announce you this month! That favour of God will introduce you to new circles of relationships that will advance your life. You will not struggle this month! My God and my father will surround you with His mercy. Your husband will locate you. You will find your wife. Every spirit of delay is cursed and terminated in your life. You will carry your own children. Fruitfulness is your portion. You will not be cut off in the midst of your days. God will smile on you. He will turn His countenance upon you. He will bless you financially. Things will fall in pleasant places for you in the coming year. You will get that job. That contract will be yours!
And of Naphtali he said, O Naphtali, satisfied with favour, and full with the blessing of the Lord: possess thou the west and the south. (Deuteronomy 33:23 KJV)
You will be satisfied with favour! You will be treated well. You will not be cheated. You will advance. God will fill your mouth with laughter. He will heal every hurt and wound and give you a double blessing for every trouble. Get ready for a great time ahead in God, it is your time, it is your season! It is your season of falling in love!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My relationship is blessed. I know what to do in the area of falling in love.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for divine wisdom in the area of falling in love.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Deut 33:23 (NLT) Moses said this about the tribe of Naphtali: “O Naphtali, you are rich in favor and full of the LORD’s blessings; may you possess the west and the south
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read books on relationship and marriage
Happy New Month to all KHC Partners and members. This month, the angel over this commission will avail for you in Jesus name.
The devil is a liar; you will get to God’s destination for your life
The devil only fights what he fears! Contrary to the common belief, that something is wrong with you when you have many challenges, it may actually be the opposite.
It may actually be that you have so many challenges because all is well with you!
Let’s take a look at Joseph first.
If it were to be today’s world, wouldn’t you want to recommend Joseph for a high-grade deliverance session? Wouldn’t you conclude that the man is cursed and the spirit of retrogression is fighting him? Wouldn’t you want to say that out of all his father’s son, he was the most unlucky, the black sheep of the family, the one that was rejected and hated, and so on?
How can someone be sold into slavery and be moved to a strange town by his brothers? Wouldn’t you say that the household wickedness of his father’s house has finished him? Then he became a slave in Potiphar’s house but didn’t last long! He was soon in the prison. Was that not a retrogressive and stubborn demonic attack?
What about David? Anointed as a king in his teenage years but only sat on the throne at the age of thirty. Was that not a gang up of demonic delay against his destiny? Saul fought him to his last breath. Was that not royal hatred against him? Wouldn’t he need his head washed?
What I want you to see this morning, is that nothing was wrong with those guys, it was just a path they needed to pass to get to where God is taking them. You see all they went through was a passing phase and not a parking space!
Joseph could have missed it if he got depressed along the way but he kept on helping people and interpreting their dreams and one day, his gift made a way for him. David could have lost it with a bad attitude to King Saul, but he behaved himself wisely and he would not stop praising God!
So the most important thing in your going through to getting through is your attitude and your ability to refuse to react. It is your ability to refuse to park in your passing phase.
Nothing is wrong with you this morning. That is the word of the Lord to you!
I want to assure you this morning, that if you can do the following, your victory is guaranteed.
1. Stay away from sins, especially sexual sins Joseph ran away from Mrs. Portiphar and refused to commit adultery! If he had compromised, he would have interrupted God’s counsel over his life
But Pastor, I already made mistakes. It doesn’t matter, if you can make up your mind from this point on, God will forgive and forget and He would see you as if you never made all those mistakes! That is where His grace comes in!
2. Forgive easily Joseph was a forgiver. He refused to become bitter. That was evident when he eventually met his brothers. He was hurt, but he forgave!
3. Keep helping people While he was in the prison, the last thing he should be doing was helping others, but he kept on helping people and one of the persons he helped remembered him later and became the person God used to organize him out of the prison! I say to somebody this morning, God will organize you into royalty!
4. Never retaliate or fight back David never fought back at King Saul, and because of that God was there for him even when he made mistakes that could have cost his life.
5. Learn to praise God always David was a crazy and unrepentant God-Praiser! It showed in everything he did, and God was always with him.
The list is not exhaustive, but if you can do the above, you will come out strong. That issue will not have the last say in your life. Your baby will come! I curse the spirit of barrenness in your life this morning! Your victory is sure. You will get married. God will honor His word in your life. Don’t back out on God, because you are actually close to what God wants to do in your life.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a God praiser. I praise my way to victory. I will not park in my passing phase.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh God, give me the strength to navigate through the passing phase.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 39:2 And the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man, and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.
Our generation is beleaguered with so much pressure that believers are even compromising heavily, and yet the truth is that God will not lower or change his standard because of the peculiarity of our generation or the pressures of our environment. God’s word remains forever. Love differs from lust.
Look at the following verse:
Eph 4:17 KJV This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,’
The Spirit of God writing through Paul here says, as children of God, we cannot walk as the unbelievers walk. There has to be a distinguishing. We cannot be lumped together. Our light must shine in the midst of darkness. We must stand out. The life of God in us will not allow us to live carelessly.
Message translation says we cannot move with the crowd!
Eph 4:17 MSG And so I insist–and God backs me up on this–that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd.
You as a child of God cannot flow with the tide. Having done all, you’ve got to stand, unmoved, unshaken and unyielded to the grip of iniquity.
Verse 20 says:
Eph 4:20 KJV But ye have not so learned Christ;
That is not what we learn about Christ when we gave our life to Christ. At what point did we accommodate the devil’s antics into the program of our lives? At what point did we think that as a child of God, you can be dating three people at a time? At what point did we somehow believe that God does not mind us having emotional affairs that our spouses are not aware of?
At what point did we start combining a life of fornication with a life of leading others in worship? At what point did pastors think they can go free with sleeping with naïve church members because they are anointed? That is not how we learned Christ!
Take a look more at the scriptures:
Eph 5:1 MSG Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents.
Amplified version says to be imitators of God. How do we do that when we cannot see Him? We watch what He does by watching what He has done in His word. As we read God’s word, we learn His ways and we understand how we are supposed to live here.
Let’s look at the next verse:
Eph 5:2 MSG Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
You’ve got to learn a life of love and not a life of lust. God did not love in order to get something from us! The moment you say you are in love with a person and then you want something you can get, either money or fun, you have moved from love into lust. People ask me, how can I know whether he or she loves me? That is the answer right there!
Love wants to improve the other person’s life, not deplete it. If you are in a relationship with a person, and your Christian life goes down, watch it. God will not lead you into a relationship where all you have is the anguish of the soul, a life iniquity, and a life full of lust. You cannot tell me you love a lady whom you have impregnated thrice and paid for abortions. That is not love!
Look at the next verse:
Eph 5:3 MSG Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed.
The moment you get involved in some perversion; that is no longer love. It’s lust. How can two believers who are not married be compromising habitually? That is no longer love! If the guys end up in bullying greed, always having his way, and even quoting scripture to justify a sinful lifestyle, that is no longer love.
Let’s conclude with the next verse:
Eph 5:4 MSG Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, Christians have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
As children of God, you should have better uses of your mouth than gossip. Don’t join some others to tear apart your leaders after a church service. Something is not quite right with that. Stop tearing apart your Pastor’s wife.
The scripture advises, don’t talk dirty or silly. Why? That is the same mouth you are supposed to use to confess your way into what you want to possess.
Dirty and silly talk doesn’t fit our style. You cannot be using the ‘F” word and tell me God is okay with that! That is not our style. Our style doesn’t permit punctuating every word with the ‘F” word or with words like ‘Shit!’ Why? Thanksgiving is our dialect! You see it right there. All these things matter!
Conclusively, Amplified version puts it this way:
Eph 5:4 AMP Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God].
Call God to help you and cleanse you if you have the need to, He is always there to bail you out, if you make up your mind.
Selah!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love appropriately. I am not filled with lust
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God should cleanse you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 4:17 (CSB) “Therefore, I say this and testify in the Lord: You should no longer live as the Gentiles live, in the futility of their thoughts.”
Dear singles, It’s vital we don’t compare ourselves with one another. That is why this topic is being taught. We started yesterday and we looked at reasons you cannot compare yourself with others. You can read it here.
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12 KJV)
Dear singles, these are the following things to do to become free from comparison traps?
1. Know who you are in God To overcome comparison traps, you have to know who you are in God! Declare your stand in God and keep confessing that.
2. Acknowledge the good things in you. The scriptures says
That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. (Philemon 1:6 KJV)
When you recognize and acknowledge every good thing in you, your gifting and talents, the communication of your faith or the effectiveness of your spiritual life will become a reality.
3. Fill yourself with God’s word To deal with comparison traps, you have to keep filling yourself with God’s word. The word of God is like a mirror.
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV)
When you begin to read and study God’s word, you will be changed into the picture of that which God shows you in His word. You will be free from comparing yourself with other mortals.
4. Learn to praise God for all things. Learn to praise God always and appreciate Him for what He has done and what He is doing in your life! At the root of comparison trap is an ungrateful heart. As you begin to genuinely appreciate God for His mercies and His blessings, you will be severed from unnecessary pressure to compare yourself with others.
I pray for you this morning and by the Spirit of God, I declare that all wrong spirits behind competitive jealousy lose their power over you in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be a victim of competitive jealousy
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Declare over your life your freedom from all wrong spirits
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, (Jude 1:24 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Free yourself form all comparisons from today
Well, we have finally come to the end of our series on handling stress in marriage.
In our final series, I will be talking about
Ungratefulness
The whole bible is from the old testament to the new testament has several instances where gratitude, Thanksgiving, the gratefulness of heart is encouraged and even commanded.
The human heart has the capacity to be ungrateful and to forget where we were and where we were coming from. Once we get relieved, we are quick to forget the hands that held us up.
Now, I would like to write today about gratitude to God and gratitude to those who were there for us and how it helps in handling stress in marriage.
If we don’t learn to show appreciation and train ourselves to be thoughtful enough to show gratitude, we will stress our partners.
No matter how difficult your spouse is, we can still choose to be grateful to God for them. Someone said, don’t complain you have an headache, thank God that you even have a head.
How true this is. On matter our condition, the place of praise and thanksgiving will still remain intact. We may however, choose not to see it or cease the opportunity to be grateful.
Let check out few places in the bible we were admonished to live a thankful life.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalms 100:4 NLT
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT
And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20 NLT
And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:15 NLT
We are encouraged in scriptures to show gratitude to God in everything and at all times.
If you think, you will be able to thank. If you think that you didn’t create yourself, you can’t sustain yourself, the breadth that you breadth you didn’t provide it for yourself, the hair on your head, you didn’t put it there, that you go to work and come back meeting everything intact is because God is a merciful God.
So when you think of all the goodness of the Lord you should return gratitude to Him.
If you are grateful for the many things God has done for you, it will also flow also in gratitude to others. It is the same heart it takes to be grateful to God that it takes to be grateful to others.
A spouse who is always complaining and has an entitlement mentality is a pain in the neck.
When a couple learn to appreciate each other in little things and show gratitude for efforts and every little attempt to improve, there will be bliss.
It takes a heart of understanding to give thanks. Someone said when you are thankful your tank will be full. This is the one of the best things to do when handling stress.
Everything dries up in an atmosphere of complaint.
Don’t put the strain on your marriage rather put the strain off your marriage.
I hope we have learnt one or two things from our series.
Your marriage is a living entity, and as such you don’t want to do things that will quench the fire of passion.
I pray if any marriage is being besiege by stress or its effect, God will cause peace to reign in Jesus name
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12 KJV)
Why would the Bible say that falling into comparison trap is foolish?
Here are few reasons
1. You are unique You are uniquely created. There are over seven billion people on planet earth and yet nobody else has an exact match of your fingerprints. You have been uniquely packaged for a specific assignment on earth. It is foolhardy then for one to compare himself with another.
2. You have different assignments Everybody has a unique purpose to fulfill on earth. God told Jeremiah that
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. (Jeremiah 1:5 KJV)
Your purpose precedes your creation. That is how powerful it can get! Everything you need on earth to fulfill your purpose was packaged into you while God is creating you. You are not inferior, you are gifted and you only need to discover it!
3. You have a different life span Some people would have achieved so much by thirty that you are wondering how they are able to do so many things in a few years. But then before they are fifty, they are out of this world. Some people are great achievers too, just that they are latecomers. Their limelight begins when they are over forty or fifty! Stop comparing yourself with what others are doing, focus on God to help you do what you are supposed to do!
4. You will weary yourself When you compare yourself, you will end up getting tired because you will be drawn to do what you are not gifted to do. You will want to impress others and you will soon get tired of trying to do that!
5. You will be distracted The comparison trap breaks your focus. It gets you on the wrong lane of purpose. It is a wasted and futile effort with no reward from God.
Tommorrow, I will show you practical ways to become free from comparison traps.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be a victim of competitive jealousy
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Declare over your life your freedom from all wrong spirits
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, (Jude 1:24 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Free yourself form all comparisons from today
Act 20:32 KJV And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.
Everything you do in life is like a load and for every load, you need strength. The success you have in life is as a result of the load you can carry. The business you are doing for a living is as a result of the financial load you can handle. Your intellectual prowess and the parameters of your cognitive abilities are defined by the load your brain can accommodate. Going to school is a load. Starting a relationship is a load. Getting married is a load.
Even, being blessed is a load in itself because it comes with responsibilities.
If you leave your precious expensive phone with a three-day-old baby, the phone will be safe. It is not a load the baby can carry. However, you don’t want to leave that same phone with a one-year-old baby, because you could find the phone in a bowl of water. However, your big laptop is not what your one-year-old baby can carry.
It is about the strength and stamina that one possesses that determine what you can eventually do and what you dare not do.
A small 1.5KVA generator cannot carry much load. You don’t plug in your freezer on that! Your freezer can render the destiny of that generator useless. However, a 500KVA will accommodate five freezers without ‘shaking’ because it has the strength to carry such load. In life, your spirit man or inner man is like a generator, supplying power to your mind and body.
So, we see that it is important that you be built up. When you are built up, little afflictions will not render you incapacitated. Little skirmishes will not stop you from attending church service. You will not backslide because you had a breakthrough of a Million bucks. You will not fall for fornication because you sighted a hot leg!
If you begin a relationship with not enough strength and stamina, you will mess up and then break up! If you are wise, you will slow down to find out what went wrong. But you know what most of us do? We jump into another relationship because of self-esteem issues and in order to get back at our ex! You are not able to keep one person; you dabble into double dating? It won’t work out! There is no available strength from God to carry that kind of strange load in a double dating scenario.
The next question then is how can I increase stamina and strength?
You see it right there in the scriptures…
The word of God which is able to build you up…
This is what gives you strength and stamina in life. This is what determines the loads you can carry. Just like you eat food to develop your physical outlook, you have to eat God’s word regularly to develop your inner man. The mentors and fathers you admire in life are where they are because of the loads they are carrying. Your own load is there to carry. Nobody will carry it for you. Some white garment prophet or prophetess is not meant to carry the responsibility of fasting to help you discover God’s direction for your life. That is a load you must carry by yourself. That prophet has loads he would carry himself, and he is deceiving you when he tells you he will help you fast and pray.
You must be built up. You must eat God’s word regularly. Study it. Meditate on it. Read it. Memorize the verses. Listen to it on your phone. Set it before you daily. Say it. Think it. Soliloquize on it. That is how you build up the muscles of faith to deal with situations of life. When you sin, you are weakening your spirit man and his capacity to do exploits. Make up your mind today. Decide to do it God’s way. You are not built or configured to carry these loads in your own strength. You will always need God. You will always have God if you make up your mind.
It is not by power, nor by might…but His Spirit!
That way, there will be stamina to pull a relationship through courtship into marriage without compromise or breakdown along the way. It is like a vehicle. You keep on refilling with Holy Ghost fuel. You keep on maintaining it with God’s word. This applies to whatever load you are carrying, be it career, business, or ministry.
I see God’s help made available for you this month! I see God’s Spirit opening up your understanding for His revelation in your inner man. I see God coming to your rescue this month! I see God organizing helpers of destiny for you in the coming month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the strength of God in my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to carry the load I must carry and give me the strength to fulfill destiny in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Act 20:32 MSG”Now I’m turning you over to God, our marvelous God whose gracious Word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need in this community of holy friends.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be built up by His word today
One of the purposes of making love with your spouse is to establish bonding at the highest level. However, when this is done with someone you are not married to, a bonding also takes place, but it is an unhealthy bonding because it is spiritually illegal, a direct violation of God’s injunction, a sin unto God, and unto one’s body. Rather than soul harmony that happens with married couples, what happens is a soul tie that tends to suck one more into the compromise.
What if I make just one mistake; is a soul tie formed? The answer is yes because the devil doesn’t need many mistakes, he only needed one to get you into trouble. You give the devil an inch, he takes a mile!
That is why the Bible says:
Eph 4:27 AMP Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].
Just one mistake of David with Bathsheba, an intrigue and tragedy of murder, lies, deception and death of a baby were what ensued.
So what do I need to do to break a soul tie?
1. The first thing you have to do is to genuinely repent of the mistake and decide to stop the act.
When you say you have repented of a particular sin, and the next day, you visit the same person and announce that you only came to say hello, knowing fully well that one thing will still lead to another, then you have not really repented. When you say you have repented and then he comes visiting the following week, and then you start cooking Rice and Beans for him when it is already late in the night, then you are just playing games with your destiny, because you sure know what will happen afterward.
And you know, God cannot be mocked. You can fool your pastor or parents, but don’t even think you can fool God. Don’t even nurse that idea because it is not possible. You need to understand that God does not only listen to the words of your mouth as you cry and say that you will never do it again, He looks into your heart and knows whether you are just acting or you are truly and genuinely repentant. This then determines the release of His mercy that can suspend judgment and overrule damning consequences. His mercy endureth forever.
What does it mean to repent?
It means a change of mind and a turn around. You don’t go back there again!
You want to break soul ties? The first thing is to repent genuinely.
2. The second thing to do is to forgive yourself and forgive the person that has wronged you.
When you are genuinely repentant, God forgives and forgets!
Heb 8:12 KJV For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Take a look at the Message translation:
Heb 8:12 MSG They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.
That is God for you! He is a merciful God. He is your father. He will forgive….well that is understandable…but forget? How is that possible?
I am not talking about amnesia here, that is a disease of forgetfulness. I am talking about when you genuinely repent, the blood of Jesus cleanses you and gives you right standing with God as if you have never committed that sin! It is not as if the sin is still lurking somewhere in some hibernated corners of God’s brain (if there is anything like that) where it can be retrieved later, like restoring a file from recycle bin, it is that the sin is permanently and divinely shredded and does not exist again. There would be no records again and you become like you were before God before you ever committed that sin!
You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! Your slate is wiped clean, your life becomes anew, and you become new specie!
Well, of course you know that genuine repentance is not when you are habitually hooked to a particular sin…and you keep asking for forgiveness everyday. That is not true repentance, you are just trying to pacify your conscience and it is a dangerous state to be in.
So upon genuine repentance, God forgives and forgets! But do you know where the problem is? You have to forgive as well. Forgive the person that wronged you if that is the case, and then forgive yourself! That is very important. This stage is necessary in order to break soul ties and move on with your life! After asking God for forgiveness, stop going back to ask again because there is no record again. You have been cleansed, so rise up as the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus that you are!
I pray for you this morning that you will indeed come to the knowledge of that which Christ has done for you in Jesus name. Every where there has been illegal soul ties, God will deliver you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that wherever there have been wrong soul ties, God will deliver you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘Righteousness’ in the New Testament
Who do you fall in love with? I will address that by telling you who not to fall in love with. You see, everybody has a purpose in your life, and when you fail to discern that purpose, it will lead to abuse or you end up being abused.
1. Don’t fall in love with the same sex
Now, forget about all the propaganda and agitation going on around the world, this lifestyle is clearly forbidden in the scripture. It was specifically mentioned in the scriptures as unnatural. How can you fall in love with same-sex and then devise means of sleeping together?
Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn’t know how to be human either––women didn’t know how to be women, men didn’t know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men––all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it––emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches (Romans 1:26-27 Message)
It is a practice you must not dabble into as a child of God and if you are already into it, you must seek help immediately. I minister around in churches and when I make altar calls for people with these issues, I am amazed at how such lies and perversion have crept into churches. I once had to do training for certain denominations on how to handle this kind of scenario when a committed member is suddenly discovered as living the gay lifestyle.
Now listen to me, when you start finding yourself attracted to the same sex and with sexual feelings, don’t ever accept the lie of the devil that you were created that way. God is not an author of confusion. Male and female created he them. There is nothing like Adam and Steve or Eve and Eva!
2. Don’t fall in love with your pastor
A lot of ladies like their pastors. It is understandable because he is anointed and you hear him all the time while he is covered with God’s glory. In fact, the scripture says anointing attracts!
Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. (Song of Songs 1:3 KJV)
But you need to understand that your pastor is another woman’s husband! You can like him, but when that likeness is bothering on obsession, and you are falling in love, it is time you caution yourself.
You also need to understand that your pastor is first of all a man before he is a man of God. He has all the strengths and weaknesses as well. He does not live in heaven. When you have been going for counsels every day, and you are falling in love, and your pastor is enjoying your presence daily, it is better to withdraw because there are counsels that can cancel a man’s destiny.
When you know you have developed feelings for your pastor, what are you still doing with him every day in a counseling session that has not finished? You need to help yourself and help your pastor as well. In fellowships on campuses, care must be taken particularly not to use your position to defile people you are meant to lead.
3. Don’t fall in love with your lecturer
In your bid to pass an examination, don’t end up in the bed of your lecturer. There are no ways you want to explain it, it is a dangerous trend to take.
4. Don’t fall in love with your sibling
You won’t be able to get married to your sibling, so why indulge in unnecessary games and tell yourselves you are in love? If you have been sexually involved with a sibling or you still involved, that is what the Bible describes as incest. Even society frowns at it. You can go to God and ask Him to forgive you and He will forgive once you are genuinely repentant.
5. Don’t fall in love with a minor.
Those feelings you have for a three-year-old or a five-year-old child are demonic and you need to seek help so that you don’t end up becoming an abuser and end up messing up that child’s life. Leave that little cousin alone! Leave that innocent niece alone and stop kissing her all the time! Stop putting her on your laps! You need to confront yourself.
Be real with your feelings because it doesn’t happen in one day, it is progressive. That is why the Bible says judge yourself that you not be judged.
6. Don’t fall in love with your parents’ age mate
Don’t fall in love with a married man who is as old as your father or a woman who is as old as your mum because of the mammon spirit. Promises of going to Dubai, shopping in London, allowance of hundreds of thousands every month are not worth the agony and regrets that will later follow a person that gives his or her body out as a commodity! Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost; it is not something to trade for money. How would you be another woman’s headache, sleeping with her husband, and then think you will have God’s support?
If everything is about seed and harvest, what then will happen to your own home? The next time he comes telling you that you are the one he loves, tell him he is not only lying, but he is lying in state. Tell him to go keep his money and go back to his wife. That is how to live right and trust God as your provider and stop looking at a mere man as your Jehovah Jireh!
7. Don’t fall in love with an unbeliever
Don’t fall in love with a man or a lady that does not know God. Don’t even pray about it, because it won’t work out and God will not answer that prayer. Don’t bother to say you will convert him or her because you are not the Holy Spirit that converts. You have not even converted yourself!
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 Message)
8. Don’t fall in love with an abuser
Finally, but not exhaustively, don’t fall in love with an abuser! Why would you stick with the one that is constantly abusing you physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally? Why stick with the one that you know is in it for the money? Why stick with a person that slaps you today and begs you after only to come the next day to donate more slaps? Why degrade yourself to be trampled upon and slept with at will? Why fall in love with a person who is not in love with you but using you? Why cope with the one that tells you you are ugly and stupid?
Why are you so generous with your body that you sleep with the one that hates your guts? Who called you into such philanthropy? Child of God, you are more than that! You need to raise your shoulder and walk out of that relationship. If you cannot walk out, then run or even fly away but by all means, free yourself like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, and go into the newness that God has for you!
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. (Psalms 124:7 KJV)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I fall in love with the right person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to fall in love with the right person.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee (Proverbs 4:5-6 KJV)
And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber fast, while the bridegroom is with them? as long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days. No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
In the scriptures, there are different kinds of fast. There is the regular fast where you don’t eat anything but can drink water or juice. Then there is the partial fast. This is omitting specific meals or refraining from specific types of food. Daniel had this type of fast at a time.
Then there is the full fast or dry fast wherein you completely refrain from both food and water for short periods of time. Paul had this type of fast. Esther called for this type of fast as well.
And then there could be a sexual fast as described in 1Cor 7. A fast could be as a result of personal instruction from God or proclaimed by the local assembly.
Fasting is powerful and Jesus mentioned it as one of the three things that can turn a life around in Matthew Chapter 6. Praying, Fasting, and Giving! No demonic power anywhere can withstand those three!
In Matthew 6:3, Jesus said ‘But when thou doest alms…,’ (or when you give)
In Matthew 6:6, Jesus said ‘But thou, when thou prayest…’
In Matthew 6:16, Jesus said ‘Moreover when ye fast…’
But the question I really want to address this morning is, apart from a generally proclaimed fast, when do I fast personally? When do I know that there is a need for me to fast?
The disciples of Jesus were reported to him, that they have not been fasting. And Jesus replied with a powerful and insightful statement in verse 20.
But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days.
Jesus Christ is saying when you come to some seasons in your life, and it as though the bridegroom has been taken away from you, then shall you fast!
In those times in your life, when things seem not to be working again, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when you pray, and your prayer seems to bounce back, and it looks as though the bridegroom has gone on honeymoon, then shall you fast.
In those seasons of your life, when it looks like the bridegroom has been taken away, and in reality, it actually is like there is no groom for you while you are growing older, then shall you fast.
In those times of life, when you know you ought to pray and yet your mouth will not open in prayer, and Jesus Christ seems far away, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when every relationship breaks, and none is ever looking good, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when three or four weddings that looked promising were cancelled, and the groom cannot be found, then shall you fast.
Jesus went further to say in verses 21 and 22
No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
That is, a new season requires a new approach. You cannot glide into your destiny on the wings of old strength. You need to make power available in the place of fasting and prayer. A new piece of cloth must not go on an old garment, or else there will be complications. You cannot import an old unbelieving boyfriend into your new life. New wine must go into a new bottle!
The grace of God over your life must not be spilled on the platform of sentiments. You cannot continue with sexual promiscuity in your newfound life with Christ.
Fasting will not give you more power to overcome the issues, it will open your eyes to see, know and understand the counsel of God for that particular season.
Fasting will not bribe God in any way, it will only get your soul humbled and in the right frame to understand and follow God’s counsel. It will break yokes and rejuvenate you!
Are you in a season of your life, when it looks like Jesus Christ has been taken away from you and nothing seems to be working? Then shall you fast….and pray…with God’s word!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to discipline my flesh.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to pay the price now
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Cor 9:27 (CEV) I keep my body under control and make it my slave, so I won’t lose out after telling the good news to others.
If as singles not yet married, you are not cool at all!
You are more like carrying fire in your bosom!
Okay pastor, show me in the scripture where kissing is wrong!
Well, you will never find anywhere in the scripture where the Bible says ‘thou shall not kiss! In fact, if the Bible says anything about it, it is the fact that we can kiss one another with a holy kiss! Why then do we make so much issue and big deal on what the scripture says we are advised or commanded to do?
So, let’s take a look at the scriptures.
Greet one another with an holy kiss. (2 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)
Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss. (1 Thessalonians 5:26 KJV)
Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. (Romans 16:16 KJV)
It is true that the Bible says, we should kiss one another with a holy kiss, but you need to understand the cultural context under which that is said!
The Jews normally kiss one another with a kiss.
If you remember, Jesus was even saying at a time nobody offered him a kiss. That is because a kiss at the side of the mouth is a form of greeting in Jewish culture.
Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. (Luke 7:45 KJV)
If you also see the scriptures above, they use the word “greet” and “salute” with a kiss. This Jewish cultural practice dates back to the Old Testament days.
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. (Genesis 27:26 KJV)
Having established that this is a Jewish cultural practice, we can understand that this is not our culture in this side of the world. The western world is also a little bit disposed to greeting with a kiss without lust attached. But in a place like Nigeria, we don’t greet with a kiss!
In our culture, (even though this is fast disappearing) when a boy wants to greet his father, in some part of Nigerian culture, he prostrates. A girl kneels down! As the lady grows older, she is taught to genuflect when she wants to give something to an older person.
My point? There are holy kisses and there are unholy kisses! The Jewish kiss is holy because it is a form of greeting! The Nigerian kiss is unholy because it is not a form of greeting! Period!
If I walk into a meeting to preach with my wife beside me, and one of the ushers grabs my wife and plants a kiss saying “welcome ma,” I am going to remove my suit and fight real good!
Somebody will say, “but you are a pastor,” and I will say “Yes, and that is why I am fighting!” Why is that example funny? Because we don’t greet with kissing in this part of the world!
That is why we often do it behind doors!
If I am kissing my wife behind the church and you bump into us, you will have to apologize. If I bump into you kissing a girl you are not married to, you are still the one that will apologize!
The problem with kissing as we see it in this part of the world and why we say you should avoid it as much as possible, is that it will lead you into some other sexual sins! Before you know it, you are involved in Jericho trap!
Whatever you did the last time you met, will not satisfy you the next time you meet because intimacy will increase when two people are in love, which will keep calling for more physical expression. That is what the law of progression says. Sincerely, there is nothing wrong with a peck, but the question is will you stay on that alone? Your body will call for more!
I usually tell ladies, you cannot submit your lips to a guy for kissing like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall. If the guy is hungry, let him go to the market and buy Kpomo (a type of meat from cowhide). Must it be your mouth he turns into food?
As Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times!
Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity!
A lady came into my office years ago with her mouth doubled up like she’s been hit. I said, “what’s wrong with you, who hit you?” She hesitated and she knew she couldn’t lie. So she said, “it is one rough kisser!” Can you imagine?
That one is not a Jewish kiss, nor Nigerian kiss, that is a German kiss! Just kidding!
When you are married, if you like, you can decide to kiss from morning till evening. God will say, “Well done!” But not before marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, keep it well. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect it!
Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times! Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity and God will help you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I discipline myself. I put my body under.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for grace to stay chaste in thoughts, words, and deeds.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV) But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
A lot of people are at a loss when it comes to this issue of knowing who to marry. A large number are bothered that God has not ‘shown’ them anybody particularly or ‘spoken’ to them in clear terms, yet they have fallen in love with someone and they feel the peace of God about it. Can that be God? No dream, vision, voice, or any spectacular direction, yet it looks like it is God. Is that possible?
A lot more have believed the lie of the devil that God is not really with them in their relationship because they did not hear God tell them who to marry or see anything.
Well, God did not promise to show all of us a dream or vision. He did not promise that He would speak to all of us in an audible voice or in some spectacular way.
However God did promise that He would LEAD all of us!
My dear, that is all you need. Stop bothering yourself. You don’t need to hear a voice. You don’t need to see a dream. You don’t need to fall into a trance before knowing who to marry. The person that sees five dreams in a day is not more spiritual than you that sees nothing. In fact, for all I care, you that don’t dream at all may be more alert to hear God, because the one that hears God through dreams only will be knocked to sleep each time he needs to hear God. Imagine a brother that needs to make a decision, and then he tells you, give me some time, let me go and sleep!
Deliver yourself; stop being intimidated by some overly excited dreamer, allow God to lead you to who to marry the way He wants to. If you are given to dreams, that is great, but don’t feel superior to others around you.
So how do I know I am a child of God when I don’t dream, and I don’t have any spectacular encounter?
Here is the answer.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. (Romans 8:14 KJV)
There can be leading without some audible voice. All you need to do is to follow. The Lord is my shepherd!
Thank God for who He is that can abandon ninety-nine other sheep to look for me!
The real deal then is to be led.
God can lead you into a relationship without hearing a single voice or seeing any vision!
But you know you are led.
So, how do I know if I am being led?
How do you know you are really born again? How do you know Jesus really exists? Have you see him before? How do you know there is a God in heaven? Did you hear His audible voice or did you see Him in your vision seated on His throne with Cherubims and all that? Why then do you believe in Him?
Because you simply know within yourself that God is. You may not be able to prove it, but you just know in your ‘knower’ that God exists. You know in your ‘knower’ that Jesus died for your sin. You were not there in Golgotha with him physically, but you just know it happened deep within you.
That is what is referred to as ‘Inner witness.’
Inner witness! That is the primary way God speaks to His children. No voice, no vision, no trance, nothing, but just this knowing that comes with an unexplainable peace, too deep and assuring that you cannot put it into words!
Don’t let the devil come to you and tell you that the reason you have a troubled marriage is because you didn’t have any dreams or hear a voice about who to marry!
Do you know that when you have had twenty-five dreams about a particular lady and yet this inner witness is not there, you are not supposed to proceed? This inner witness, the peace of God, is most important!
See it described in the scripture
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
I like it particularly in Amplified version
And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Did you see that? That peace of God, that transcends every understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds. Garrison! Mount guard! Those are military terms. That is exactly what happens when you allow the peace of God and you are led by Him. His leading is a like a soldier protecting you. You know why? God will never lead you wrong! Glory to God! He will not lead you into misery! Thank God for His leading.
God is the one that can re-order our steps when we have made mistakes; He is the one that will lead us into our wealthy place. Stay with God and you will never regret. Don’t be led by your feelings which can be fickle, be led by the Holy Spirit, and you will be protected!
This morning, as God’s servant, I speak God’s leading into your life. I speak His peace into your life! May you experience His leading in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a child of God. I am led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God lead you by His peace
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (Romans 8:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read Kenneth Hagin’s book – ‘Following God’s plan for you life’
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
I remember many years ago, as a young Christian, I was praying and trusting God for some things. God answered me very clearly and told me to forgive so and so. Now, these people really hurt me, and I felt justified walking in an unforgiving spirit. But then God gave me two scriptures and said if I want to move forward in life, I have to forgive.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 ESV)
The second scripture God gave me was:
To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices (2 Corinthians 2:10-11 KJV)
I had to listen to God and it was only then I was able to move forward.
2. From the above scriptures, a few things are clear.
3. People will hurt you, as long as you are human and you are in the days of your flesh.
4. You will like to get even, born again or not.
5. Don’t get even; don’t avenge yourself.
6. God will avenge you, He will fight for you and that is when it is sweetest.
7. If you stay in unforgiving mode, Satan will use it as loophole to cause havoc.
You are not to be ignorant of how the devil operates.
A third scripture I will like you to see is here:
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14-15 KJV)
Now, you don’t want to find yourself here. You don’t want to find yourself in a place where God will not forgive you. And yet, the only way not to get there is to forgive people easily! Now as you read this, I really want you to check yourself out. Are you holding a few people in your heart without forgiving them? Well, it could slow you down, literarily!
It could cause delays in marriages, it could cause relationships not to work out, and other havocs can be wrecked. That’s why I tell people; don’t start another relationship immediately after one has just ended. Give yourself a break, at least, six months. Why? When you rush into another relationship with hurts, wounds, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit, you will end up frustrating that other person, and the relationship will still not work out. You cannot establish a relationship on a foundation of hurts, wounds, and bitterness!
When you stay in unforgiving mode, it’s like moving away from God’s protective arm into the terrain of the devil. A lot of us fast and pray fervently, but hear me and hear me well, if you don’t forgive, you will never be able to enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings. I come to you this morning, by the Spirit of God and by His grace which He has endowed me with and I speak into your life and destiny, ‘Forgive!’
Yes, I know you are hurt! Yes, I know you were jilted. Yes, I know you were raped. Yes, I know you were defrauded. Yes, I know you were abandoned when it is just a few days before the wedding. Yes, I know there has been a divorce. Yes, I know you were cheated. Yes, I know you were wrongfully accused. Yes, I know your spouse cheated on you and manipulated you…and the list goes on.
But you cannot afford some bitterness. It is too expensive for you! You need God now, don’t you? You yourself are not perfect, are you? The only way God can overlook, forgive and forget your own imperfections and cause His mercy to avail for you is when you forgive that person.
There are some of us that hold our parents in derision. You are wrong to do that. But my parents are not born-again! You see the scripture never says you should honour your born-again parents! He said you should honour your parents! That is how to last on the planet earth! So that your days will be long! In fact, a particular translation says, honour your parents so that God can say well done to you!
Some of you are having delays in marriage because you are walking in disobedience. If your parents have ever said wrong words to you because you were at loggerheads with them, go back to them and apologize. Humble yourself, so that you won’t slow yourself down. Dishonoring your parents and refusing to forgive them can cost you your life! Read your Bible very well.
Go back to them, buy a gift, prostrate or kneel down and ask them to bless you! That act alone will be better off than ninety days of fasting and prayers, which might not yield results because of an unforgiving spirit.
Forgive your spouse. You will do yourself a lot of good if you do that. If you don’t forgive him or her, your prayers will be hindered. Don’t block God’s blessings over you at this time. Why waste your time praying? Isn’t that a religious spirit at work? Married couples, be quick to forgive each other! Don’t allow strife in your family. If you have been in prolonged hurt and strife, it is dangerous. End it today and allow God’s blessing to flow in your family. Leave your ego behind and obey God. Take your wife out, buy her a gift and apologize! Go to your husband and kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It is not old-fashioned; it is scripture!
Let go and let God! Let it be a beginning of a new day for you and yours! Let go of everybody you are holding in your mind. Burn your little black book of offenses and stop recording hurts. Delete them not only from your memory but from recycle bin as well. Guard your heart with all diligence for out of them are the issues of life.
May God help you and give you strength to forgive all you need to forgive in Jesus name!
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CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have a forgiving attitude. I am quick to forgive.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the grace to let go of all who have hurt me
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (Matthew 6:14 KJV)
Yesterday, we began this discussion, pointing out tell-tale signs to look out for, so that your lover who is on fire today, may not backslide after marriage. If you missed it, see it here.
Our anchor scripture remains:
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
What are other things to note in the area of relationships?
7. When you meet a new person in a church setting, beyond falling in love with some height or some hot legs, find out how involved he is in church. Is he or she a worker in that church? How long has he or she been in the church? Does the pastor know him or her personally?
Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? All these do not guarantee a successful or stress-free marriage, however, they go a long way to establish some credibility and spirituality of the person involved.
This is a better approach than meeting someone in church and on the same day, you are in his house! You must learn how to protect yourself!
8. You need to know that being born again can be genuine and yet the guy or lady is still involved in some sharp practices. When you are born again, your spirit is regenerated, but your mind is in the process of being renewed as you listen to God’s word.
This often takes time and is determined by how studious you are in the word and how much time you give to the study of God’s word. In the process of the mind being renewed, a lot of ‘sinful’ mistakes can happen.
As long as they are not habitual, God will forgive and you will be okay. But when you do something habitually and unrepentantly, the conscience becomes seared and a religious spirit takes over.
9. When you see obvious character defects, don’t close your eyes to them especially when he or she says he will change later. Marriage changes nobody.
Anybody that tells you he or she will change later is deceiving you. What do you do when you see character defects? Seek help! Don’t keep quiet.
10. If during courtship or after marriage, you suddenly discover you never knew who you were in the same boat with, here is what to do. In courtship, take a pause on everything until you find a solution. For example, if the issues has to do with physical violence or physical abuse, don’t just keep quiet thinking that marriage will soften him.
Don’t walk down the aisle into that kind of marriage, or you might need to soon run up the aisle and out! If you are getting slaps in courtship, guess what will happen in marriage? In marriage, divorce is not the first option. Look for a Christian marriage counselor or marriage therapist for help.
11. If you are in a distant relationship or some online dating, you need to know that you will not have a distant marriage and you will not live online.
The reality must dawn on you never to make life-involving decisions without knowing the person very well. It is wrong for you to fall in love with a stranger. Something is not quite right with falling in love with an online profile or some voice over the phone! Marriage is not a game! It is a covenant!
12. Finally, we are all projects in the making in the hands of God. Nobody is perfect, but there are things that are unbecoming for a child of God. When you see some of these things, it is time to seek help, or if intense, run for your life!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
The issue above is one of the commonest statements of regret from several people that I counsel every other month. Avoiding in marriage a lover on fire today but cold later is possible.
“Pastor, he has changed…”
“Pastor, I never knew he was like this…”
“Pastor, before we got married, he was a leader in the fellowship, but now, he doesn’t go to church…”
“Pastor, during our courtship, he was so sweet, but now, he beats me up!
“Pastor, I never knew him because our courtship was a distant one…”
…And so on and so forth…
Well, what went wrong along the way?
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
Here are a few things to note.
There are pretenders out there. There are people who will feign being in the faith just to get a ‘good’ girl that will not give them ‘problems’ in marriage. This is where Christian pre-marriage counseling comes in.
2. That you met somebody in church does not guarantee that he or she is a true child of God or that you are avoiding in marriage all troubles. Anybody and everybody can attend church services for different purposes. Always seek counsel before you get involved with anybody.
3. Not everybody in the church setting is looking for God. That is why phones and personal effects get missing in church. An angel didn’t steal them. They were stolen by people with whom you worship but with ulterior motives.
4. Let the leadership of the church be involved in your relationship and marriage. There are some churches that have marriage guidance councils, these are not instituted to control you or spy into your private life but to guide you appropriately. Let your pastor be in the know. This is important because the pastor usually knows the committed ones and those who are insincere to an extent.
5. Learn all you can learn. Get marriage tips and free Christian advice online for avoiding chaos in marriage. On Kisses and Huggs Club, for example, we offer free Christian advice for singles and married couples and you can get advice on marriage issues on our daily devotionals, daily discussions and several other materials online. Don’t walk into a marriage ignorantly and so naïve that you fall for anything.
6. As a marriage counselor for some years, I can rightly say that it is true some people really love the Lord, but along the way, there is a turn around. Avoiding in marriage such people is what this post is about. This can be due to negative influence, change of environment, pressure that comes with marriage, choice of career and so on. Whatever it is, when you find yourself in this kind of scenario, you need to quickly find a marriage counselor to talk to.
I will stop here today and conclude on this topic tomorrow.
Be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
There is no doubt that God speaks to His people. For me, God spoke to me clearly while I was a student on the Campus as relating to relationships and marriage. Knowing the right lover is key!
God still speaks today. He is a speaking God. “saith the Lord’ is found over eight hundred times in the scriptures.
Jesus constantly speaks to us.
Isa 30:21 AMP And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
The Holy Spirit is a speaking Spirit.
Joh 12:50 KJV And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.
He desires to lead us. Here a few things to note in Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
God will not speak to you outside of His word.
2. To hear God more, read His word the more. His word in your Spirit prepares your Spirit like a receptacle to hear God.
3. When you seek His face, you will hear Him speak to you. God still speaks.
4. Fasting and prayer often helps to hear God more clearly.
Act 13:2 KJV As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them.
5. Relationship and marriage should not be the first issues that arise when you are trying to hear God. Try developing hearing Him in other areas as well. Intricacies of Knowing the right lover is in hearing Him.
6. God is particular even with the minutest details of your life, and when you learn to relate with the Holy Spirit like you will relate with a friend, He will always speak to you, like a friend will speak to you.
7. When God shows you a guy, calm down, don’t get suggestive, let him discover too. The lady is not the aggressor; she is the responder.
8. When God shows you a lady, it is just information because you are His child and fathers speak to their children. You are His friend. So He tells you of what is to come. Jesus said when the Holy Spirit comes, He will tell us of things to come.
9. That he showed you does not mean you should go ahead and propose. You also need to ask Him when to go ahead and propose. There is a difference between preparation and performance. This is Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
10. In the things of God, He often shows you things ahead. Because the information is coming from God, it would look like you should act immediately. But most of the time, it is never an immediate action. He showed Joseph some things that only came to pass several years later. David was anointed but never mounted the throne immediately. Some of these promises have to be patiently obtained.
11. It is possible to get a big ‘NO’ from a lady and yet God has spoken to you. You jumped ahead and did not follow His leading completely. The lady is not ready at the time. Just like God spoke to you, God has to speak to her too!
12. The primary way God will lead you is through inner witness. You just know within you. Do not seek dreams and visions because the devil can give them. Stay consistently in God’s word and pray in the Spirit a lot. That way, God will ensure that you don’t miss it in life. God still speaks.
13. It is one thing for God to speak to you about a person. That does not mean it will work out or lead into marriage especially if you unrepentantly compromise regularly, or you did not work at your relationship in terms of character development. For example, God might have spoken to you and yet anger problems can ruin it all.
14. Until you have heard from God, do not take that step. Be still and know that He is God! Calm Down!
Psa 46:10 (CEV) Our God says, “Calm down, and learn that I am God! All nations on earth will honor me.”
I pray for you this morning, your life will not become an experiment. You will enjoy God’s leading in every area of your life in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I hear God’s voice daily.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my ears to hear your voice every day of my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 30:21 ERV and thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it; when ye turn to the right hand and when e turn to the left.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take time to pray in the spirit
Falling in love is a special experience, or so it is intended to be. But there are ways to fall in love. The foundation to falling in love the right way is to fall in love with God first. God Himself is love and when you fall in love with Him, He will teach you and help you to understand what real love is.
So when somebody comes toasting and cajoling you, you will know right away whether it is love or lust! God is the lover of your soul and He is your first true lover! Any attempt to ignore Him is at your own peril to your eventual love life. Without Him, you will never be able to know how to love and how to be loved. Here are a few ways not to fall in love.
1. Don’t fall in love secretly. I have said it many times; a godly relationship is not a secret cult. It is not a fraternity between two people. If you like yourself and you will like to protect yourself, heed my advice this day by the Spirit of God, don’t fall in love with a closed-up person. Let your friends know about it. Let your Pastor know about it. The moment he or she insists that nobody should know, that should be a red light for you. Why hide something that is meant to be good news?
When I asked my wife out while we were students at Ogun State University (now Olabisi Onabanjo University) and she said ‘Yes,’ I announced to all that cared to listen! It was a joyful experience for me as a twenty-four-year-old chap! I later got married at twenty-seven years of age some three years later in 1999. (Some of you are calculating my age right now; it’s okay!)
Are you in a relationship where nobody knows except the two of you? Why would that be? The risks are high! The first sign of commitment in a relationship that is intended to lead to marriage is that the authority figures in your lives will be involved. While this may not totally ensure the success of the relationship, it goes a long way to validate the relationship.
2. Don’t fall in love hopelessly. When you are falling in love, fall in love with some life! Don’t fall in love with a profile on social media. You may be disappointed. Don’t fall in love with a picture! You never know who you are dealing with! Before you give your heart out, be sure you see the person you are dealing with, or else your heart can be wrenched apart! “Pastor, it is not just a profile, I heard his voice!” It is still the same hopelessness, falling in love with a voice. Who owns the voice?
The rule of thumb is simple, never give any commitment to someone you have not seen. If he is not committed to travel down to where you are, or he doesn’t have enough money to come or he doesn’t have the time, then he is not ready for marriage. I know there can be situations when the persons are far away, probably in another country, then get family members who are around involved.
You cannot just fix a wedding date with somebody in Brazil and then travel there. I cannot recount how many have called me to talk about the greatest disappointment of their lives upon emptying their accounts and resigning from work to go and meet a guy somewhere who eventually turns out to be mentally imbalanced. A word is enough for the wise.
3. Don’t fall in love carelessly. Don’t fall in love carelessly. You met two hours ago. Now you are in bed! That is not love! That is lust and you are going to be dropped soonest like hot potatoes! The principles of God are being violated like that and you are not going to have His support. The purpose of falling in love is not to take somebody to bed; it is to take somebody down the aisle. Sex outside marriage with someone will never be able to prove your love. They are just not the same, otherwise, the prostitute will fall in love with all her clients, but it never happens that way. Fall in love with care and caution!
4. Don’t fall in love foolishly. Fall in love with your common sense! Don’t fall in love with a married man or woman! He tells you that you are the one he loves. That is a lie! He loves his wife at home; they might just have issues. Why fall in love and play the second fiddle? Why fall in love with a man that visits twice a week in a house he rented for you? What kind of life is that?
God has got your own spouse for you, but you will keep on delaying what God wants to do when you are busy carrying out your own agenda. Be wise!
A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. (Proverbs 9:13 KJV)
5. Don’t fall in love with a stranger Don’t fall in love with somebody you don’t know. In fact, it never happens, it will never be love when it is a stranger. There is nothing like love at first sight, only with foresight. There may be a ‘knowing’ at first sight, but it is never love at first sight. Why? You cannot fall in love with somebody you don’t know!
The rush of adrenaline in your body does not translate into love! Body chemistry is not love! Infatuation is not love. Lust is not love. Love is a deeper ‘sensing’ and knowing, more than a feeling, it is an assurance, and it is deep-seated in the heart.
It is not something that happens with a stranger. Fall in love with a friend, not with a stranger, so that strange things will not happen to you! You don’t’ even know her name, and you are saying you are in love!
For married people, never get tired of your spouse. You have to keep falling in love over and over again. Wives, learn to dress for your hubby at home, he is moved by sight, so stop tying wrappers all the time unless that is what your husband wants. Go get some lingerie and learn to fire up his blood. It is a holy thing to do, for your husband!
I pray that God will grant more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am led by God towards my rightful partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 9:13 (AMP) The foolish woman is restless and noisy; She is naive and easily misled and thoughtless, and knows nothing at all [of eternal value].
Somebody was once asked what are the three most important ingredients of a relationship or marriage that would be successful. He simply gave them:
Communication
Communication
Communication I believe he was right!
Communication is powerful and is so essential. Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound! As a matter of fact, communication, in an unexplainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb. When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately. In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.
1. Communication with your maker No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile. You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in a relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation. Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know him or her. For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love! When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body! The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!
Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God. This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into the hands of the wrong spouse? You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you from the evil man and from the strange woman!
To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV) To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)
2. Communication with yourself The next stage is communication with yourself. Who are you? This answers the question of identity. Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose. This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.
The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person. True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person. A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave. The gloriousness of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise. When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings. When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks! When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money. When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a gut or girl in bed who you just met a few hours ago.
I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place? You are a seed of God and every seed doesn’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple questions that will solve complex equations in your lives! May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will communicate right with my maker
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do it right.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 2:11-12 (NIV) Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word “communication”
