Act 20:32 KJV And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.
Everything you do in life is like a load and for every load, you need strength. The success you have in life is as a result of the load you can carry. The business you are doing for a living is as a result of the financial load you can handle. Your intellectual prowess and the parameters of your cognitive abilities are defined by the load your brain can accommodate. Going to school is a load. Starting a relationship is a load. Getting married is a load.
Even, being blessed is a load in itself because it comes with responsibilities.
If you leave your precious expensive phone with a three-day-old baby, the phone will be safe. It is not a load the baby can carry. However, you don’t want to leave that same phone with a one-year-old baby, because you could find the phone in a bowl of water. However, your big laptop is not what your one-year-old baby can carry.
It is about the strength and stamina that one possesses that determine what you can eventually do and what you dare not do.
A small 1.5KVA generator cannot carry much load. You don’t plug in your freezer on that! Your freezer can render the destiny of that generator useless. However, a 500KVA will accommodate five freezers without ‘shaking’ because it has the strength to carry such load. In life, your spirit man or inner man is like a generator, supplying power to your mind and body.
So, we see that it is important that you be built up. When you are built up, little afflictions will not render you incapacitated. Little skirmishes will not stop you from attending church service. You will not backslide because you had a breakthrough of a Million bucks. You will not fall for fornication because you sighted a hot leg!
If you begin a relationship with not enough strength and stamina, you will mess up and then break up! If you are wise, you will slow down to find out what went wrong. But you know what most of us do? We jump into another relationship because of self-esteem issues and in order to get back at our ex! You are not able to keep one person; you dabble into double dating? It won’t work out! There is no available strength from God to carry that kind of strange load in a double dating scenario.
The next question then is how can I increase stamina and strength?
You see it right there in the scriptures…
The word of God which is able to build you up…
This is what gives you strength and stamina in life. This is what determines the loads you can carry. Just like you eat food to develop your physical outlook, you have to eat God’s word regularly to develop your inner man. The mentors and fathers you admire in life are where they are because of the loads they are carrying. Your own load is there to carry. Nobody will carry it for you. Some white garment prophet or prophetess is not meant to carry the responsibility of fasting to help you discover God’s direction for your life. That is a load you must carry by yourself. That prophet has loads he would carry himself, and he is deceiving you when he tells you he will help you fast and pray.
You must be built up. You must eat God’s word regularly. Study it. Meditate on it. Read it. Memorize the verses. Listen to it on your phone. Set it before you daily. Say it. Think it. Soliloquize on it. That is how you build up the muscles of faith to deal with situations of life. When you sin, you are weakening your spirit man and his capacity to do exploits. Make up your mind today. Decide to do it God’s way. You are not built or configured to carry these loads in your own strength. You will always need God. You will always have God if you make up your mind.
It is not by power, nor by might…but His Spirit!
That way, there will be stamina to pull a relationship through courtship into marriage without compromise or breakdown along the way. It is like a vehicle. You keep on refilling with Holy Ghost fuel. You keep on maintaining it with God’s word. This applies to whatever load you are carrying, be it career, business, or ministry.
I see God’s help made available for you this month! I see God’s Spirit opening up your understanding for His revelation in your inner man. I see God coming to your rescue this month! I see God organizing helpers of destiny for you in the coming month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the strength of God in my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to carry the load I must carry and give me the strength to fulfill destiny in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Act 20:32 MSG”Now I’m turning you over to God, our marvelous God whose gracious Word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need in this community of holy friends.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be built up by His word today
One of the purposes of making love with your spouse is to establish bonding at the highest level. However, when this is done with someone you are not married to, a bonding also takes place, but it is an unhealthy bonding because it is spiritually illegal, a direct violation of God’s injunction, a sin unto God, and unto one’s body. Rather than soul harmony that happens with married couples, what happens is a soul tie that tends to suck one more into the compromise.
What if I make just one mistake; is a soul tie formed? The answer is yes because the devil doesn’t need many mistakes, he only needed one to get you into trouble. You give the devil an inch, he takes a mile!
That is why the Bible says:
Eph 4:27 AMP Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].
Just one mistake of David with Bathsheba, an intrigue and tragedy of murder, lies, deception and death of a baby were what ensued.
So what do I need to do to break a soul tie?
1. The first thing you have to do is to genuinely repent of the mistake and decide to stop the act.
When you say you have repented of a particular sin, and the next day, you visit the same person and announce that you only came to say hello, knowing fully well that one thing will still lead to another, then you have not really repented. When you say you have repented and then he comes visiting the following week, and then you start cooking Rice and Beans for him when it is already late in the night, then you are just playing games with your destiny, because you sure know what will happen afterward.
And you know, God cannot be mocked. You can fool your pastor or parents, but don’t even think you can fool God. Don’t even nurse that idea because it is not possible. You need to understand that God does not only listen to the words of your mouth as you cry and say that you will never do it again, He looks into your heart and knows whether you are just acting or you are truly and genuinely repentant. This then determines the release of His mercy that can suspend judgment and overrule damning consequences. His mercy endureth forever.
What does it mean to repent?
It means a change of mind and a turn around. You don’t go back there again!
You want to break soul ties? The first thing is to repent genuinely.
2. The second thing to do is to forgive yourself and forgive the person that has wronged you.
When you are genuinely repentant, God forgives and forgets!
Heb 8:12 KJV For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
Take a look at the Message translation:
Heb 8:12 MSG They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.
That is God for you! He is a merciful God. He is your father. He will forgive….well that is understandable…but forget? How is that possible?
I am not talking about amnesia here, that is a disease of forgetfulness. I am talking about when you genuinely repent, the blood of Jesus cleanses you and gives you right standing with God as if you have never committed that sin! It is not as if the sin is still lurking somewhere in some hibernated corners of God’s brain (if there is anything like that) where it can be retrieved later, like restoring a file from recycle bin, it is that the sin is permanently and divinely shredded and does not exist again. There would be no records again and you become like you were before God before you ever committed that sin!
You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! Your slate is wiped clean, your life becomes anew, and you become new specie!
Well, of course you know that genuine repentance is not when you are habitually hooked to a particular sin…and you keep asking for forgiveness everyday. That is not true repentance, you are just trying to pacify your conscience and it is a dangerous state to be in.
So upon genuine repentance, God forgives and forgets! But do you know where the problem is? You have to forgive as well. Forgive the person that wronged you if that is the case, and then forgive yourself! That is very important. This stage is necessary in order to break soul ties and move on with your life! After asking God for forgiveness, stop going back to ask again because there is no record again. You have been cleansed, so rise up as the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus that you are!
I pray for you this morning that you will indeed come to the knowledge of that which Christ has done for you in Jesus name. Every where there has been illegal soul ties, God will deliver you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that wherever there have been wrong soul ties, God will deliver you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘Righteousness’ in the New Testament
Who do you fall in love with? I will address that by telling you who not to fall in love with. You see, everybody has a purpose in your life, and when you fail to discern that purpose, it will lead to abuse or you end up being abused.
1. Don’t fall in love with the same sex
Now, forget about all the propaganda and agitation going on around the world, this lifestyle is clearly forbidden in the scripture. It was specifically mentioned in the scriptures as unnatural. How can you fall in love with same-sex and then devise means of sleeping together?
Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn’t know how to be human either––women didn’t know how to be women, men didn’t know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men––all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it––emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches (Romans 1:26-27 Message)
It is a practice you must not dabble into as a child of God and if you are already into it, you must seek help immediately. I minister around in churches and when I make altar calls for people with these issues, I am amazed at how such lies and perversion have crept into churches. I once had to do training for certain denominations on how to handle this kind of scenario when a committed member is suddenly discovered as living the gay lifestyle.
Now listen to me, when you start finding yourself attracted to the same sex and with sexual feelings, don’t ever accept the lie of the devil that you were created that way. God is not an author of confusion. Male and female created he them. There is nothing like Adam and Steve or Eve and Eva!
2. Don’t fall in love with your pastor
A lot of ladies like their pastors. It is understandable because he is anointed and you hear him all the time while he is covered with God’s glory. In fact, the scripture says anointing attracts!
Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. (Song of Songs 1:3 KJV)
But you need to understand that your pastor is another woman’s husband! You can like him, but when that likeness is bothering on obsession, and you are falling in love, it is time you caution yourself.
You also need to understand that your pastor is first of all a man before he is a man of God. He has all the strengths and weaknesses as well. He does not live in heaven. When you have been going for counsels every day, and you are falling in love, and your pastor is enjoying your presence daily, it is better to withdraw because there are counsels that can cancel a man’s destiny.
When you know you have developed feelings for your pastor, what are you still doing with him every day in a counseling session that has not finished? You need to help yourself and help your pastor as well. In fellowships on campuses, care must be taken particularly not to use your position to defile people you are meant to lead.
3. Don’t fall in love with your lecturer
In your bid to pass an examination, don’t end up in the bed of your lecturer. There are no ways you want to explain it, it is a dangerous trend to take.
4. Don’t fall in love with your sibling
You won’t be able to get married to your sibling, so why indulge in unnecessary games and tell yourselves you are in love? If you have been sexually involved with a sibling or you still involved, that is what the Bible describes as incest. Even society frowns at it. You can go to God and ask Him to forgive you and He will forgive once you are genuinely repentant.
5. Don’t fall in love with a minor.
Those feelings you have for a three-year-old or a five-year-old child are demonic and you need to seek help so that you don’t end up becoming an abuser and end up messing up that child’s life. Leave that little cousin alone! Leave that innocent niece alone and stop kissing her all the time! Stop putting her on your laps! You need to confront yourself.
Be real with your feelings because it doesn’t happen in one day, it is progressive. That is why the Bible says judge yourself that you not be judged.
6. Don’t fall in love with your parents’ age mate
Don’t fall in love with a married man who is as old as your father or a woman who is as old as your mum because of the mammon spirit. Promises of going to Dubai, shopping in London, allowance of hundreds of thousands every month are not worth the agony and regrets that will later follow a person that gives his or her body out as a commodity! Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost; it is not something to trade for money. How would you be another woman’s headache, sleeping with her husband, and then think you will have God’s support?
If everything is about seed and harvest, what then will happen to your own home? The next time he comes telling you that you are the one he loves, tell him he is not only lying, but he is lying in state. Tell him to go keep his money and go back to his wife. That is how to live right and trust God as your provider and stop looking at a mere man as your Jehovah Jireh!
7. Don’t fall in love with an unbeliever
Don’t fall in love with a man or a lady that does not know God. Don’t even pray about it, because it won’t work out and God will not answer that prayer. Don’t bother to say you will convert him or her because you are not the Holy Spirit that converts. You have not even converted yourself!
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 Message)
8. Don’t fall in love with an abuser
Finally, but not exhaustively, don’t fall in love with an abuser! Why would you stick with the one that is constantly abusing you physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally? Why stick with the one that you know is in it for the money? Why stick with a person that slaps you today and begs you after only to come the next day to donate more slaps? Why degrade yourself to be trampled upon and slept with at will? Why fall in love with a person who is not in love with you but using you? Why cope with the one that tells you you are ugly and stupid?
Why are you so generous with your body that you sleep with the one that hates your guts? Who called you into such philanthropy? Child of God, you are more than that! You need to raise your shoulder and walk out of that relationship. If you cannot walk out, then run or even fly away but by all means, free yourself like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, and go into the newness that God has for you!
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. (Psalms 124:7 KJV)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I fall in love with the right person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to fall in love with the right person.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee (Proverbs 4:5-6 KJV)
And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber fast, while the bridegroom is with them? as long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days. No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
In the scriptures, there are different kinds of fast. There is the regular fast where you don’t eat anything but can drink water or juice. Then there is the partial fast. This is omitting specific meals or refraining from specific types of food. Daniel had this type of fast at a time.
Then there is the full fast or dry fast wherein you completely refrain from both food and water for short periods of time. Paul had this type of fast. Esther called for this type of fast as well.
And then there could be a sexual fast as described in 1Cor 7. A fast could be as a result of personal instruction from God or proclaimed by the local assembly.
Fasting is powerful and Jesus mentioned it as one of the three things that can turn a life around in Matthew Chapter 6. Praying, Fasting, and Giving! No demonic power anywhere can withstand those three!
In Matthew 6:3, Jesus said ‘But when thou doest alms…,’ (or when you give)
In Matthew 6:6, Jesus said ‘But thou, when thou prayest…’
In Matthew 6:16, Jesus said ‘Moreover when ye fast…’
But the question I really want to address this morning is, apart from a generally proclaimed fast, when do I fast personally? When do I know that there is a need for me to fast?
The disciples of Jesus were reported to him, that they have not been fasting. And Jesus replied with a powerful and insightful statement in verse 20.
But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days.
Jesus Christ is saying when you come to some seasons in your life, and it as though the bridegroom has been taken away from you, then shall you fast!
In those times in your life, when things seem not to be working again, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when you pray, and your prayer seems to bounce back, and it looks as though the bridegroom has gone on honeymoon, then shall you fast.
In those seasons of your life, when it looks like the bridegroom has been taken away, and in reality, it actually is like there is no groom for you while you are growing older, then shall you fast.
In those times of life, when you know you ought to pray and yet your mouth will not open in prayer, and Jesus Christ seems far away, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when every relationship breaks, and none is ever looking good, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when three or four weddings that looked promising were cancelled, and the groom cannot be found, then shall you fast.
Jesus went further to say in verses 21 and 22
No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
That is, a new season requires a new approach. You cannot glide into your destiny on the wings of old strength. You need to make power available in the place of fasting and prayer. A new piece of cloth must not go on an old garment, or else there will be complications. You cannot import an old unbelieving boyfriend into your new life. New wine must go into a new bottle!
The grace of God over your life must not be spilled on the platform of sentiments. You cannot continue with sexual promiscuity in your newfound life with Christ.
Fasting will not give you more power to overcome the issues, it will open your eyes to see, know and understand the counsel of God for that particular season.
Fasting will not bribe God in any way, it will only get your soul humbled and in the right frame to understand and follow God’s counsel. It will break yokes and rejuvenate you!
Are you in a season of your life, when it looks like Jesus Christ has been taken away from you and nothing seems to be working? Then shall you fast….and pray…with God’s word!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to discipline my flesh.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to pay the price now
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Cor 9:27 (CEV) I keep my body under control and make it my slave, so I won’t lose out after telling the good news to others.
If as singles not yet married, you are not cool at all!
You are more like carrying fire in your bosom!
Okay pastor, show me in the scripture where kissing is wrong!
Well, you will never find anywhere in the scripture where the Bible says ‘thou shall not kiss! In fact, if the Bible says anything about it, it is the fact that we can kiss one another with a holy kiss! Why then do we make so much issue and big deal on what the scripture says we are advised or commanded to do?
So, let’s take a look at the scriptures.
Greet one another with an holy kiss. (2 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)
Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss. (1 Thessalonians 5:26 KJV)
Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. (Romans 16:16 KJV)
It is true that the Bible says, we should kiss one another with a holy kiss, but you need to understand the cultural context under which that is said!
The Jews normally kiss one another with a kiss.
If you remember, Jesus was even saying at a time nobody offered him a kiss. That is because a kiss at the side of the mouth is a form of greeting in Jewish culture.
Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. (Luke 7:45 KJV)
If you also see the scriptures above, they use the word “greet” and “salute” with a kiss. This Jewish cultural practice dates back to the Old Testament days.
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. (Genesis 27:26 KJV)
Having established that this is a Jewish cultural practice, we can understand that this is not our culture in this side of the world. The western world is also a little bit disposed to greeting with a kiss without lust attached. But in a place like Nigeria, we don’t greet with a kiss!
In our culture, (even though this is fast disappearing) when a boy wants to greet his father, in some part of Nigerian culture, he prostrates. A girl kneels down! As the lady grows older, she is taught to genuflect when she wants to give something to an older person.
My point? There are holy kisses and there are unholy kisses! The Jewish kiss is holy because it is a form of greeting! The Nigerian kiss is unholy because it is not a form of greeting! Period!
If I walk into a meeting to preach with my wife beside me, and one of the ushers grabs my wife and plants a kiss saying “welcome ma,” I am going to remove my suit and fight real good!
Somebody will say, “but you are a pastor,” and I will say “Yes, and that is why I am fighting!” Why is that example funny? Because we don’t greet with kissing in this part of the world!
That is why we often do it behind doors!
If I am kissing my wife behind the church and you bump into us, you will have to apologize. If I bump into you kissing a girl you are not married to, you are still the one that will apologize!
The problem with kissing as we see it in this part of the world and why we say you should avoid it as much as possible, is that it will lead you into some other sexual sins! Before you know it, you are involved in Jericho trap!
Whatever you did the last time you met, will not satisfy you the next time you meet because intimacy will increase when two people are in love, which will keep calling for more physical expression. That is what the law of progression says. Sincerely, there is nothing wrong with a peck, but the question is will you stay on that alone? Your body will call for more!
I usually tell ladies, you cannot submit your lips to a guy for kissing like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall. If the guy is hungry, let him go to the market and buy Kpomo (a type of meat from cowhide). Must it be your mouth he turns into food?
As Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times!
Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity!
A lady came into my office years ago with her mouth doubled up like she’s been hit. I said, “what’s wrong with you, who hit you?” She hesitated and she knew she couldn’t lie. So she said, “it is one rough kisser!” Can you imagine?
That one is not a Jewish kiss, nor Nigerian kiss, that is a German kiss! Just kidding!
When you are married, if you like, you can decide to kiss from morning till evening. God will say, “Well done!” But not before marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, keep it well. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect it!
Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times! Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity and God will help you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I discipline myself. I put my body under.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for grace to stay chaste in thoughts, words, and deeds.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV) But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
A lot of people are at a loss when it comes to this issue of knowing who to marry. A large number are bothered that God has not ‘shown’ them anybody particularly or ‘spoken’ to them in clear terms, yet they have fallen in love with someone and they feel the peace of God about it. Can that be God? No dream, vision, voice, or any spectacular direction, yet it looks like it is God. Is that possible?
A lot more have believed the lie of the devil that God is not really with them in their relationship because they did not hear God tell them who to marry or see anything.
Well, God did not promise to show all of us a dream or vision. He did not promise that He would speak to all of us in an audible voice or in some spectacular way.
However God did promise that He would LEAD all of us!
My dear, that is all you need. Stop bothering yourself. You don’t need to hear a voice. You don’t need to see a dream. You don’t need to fall into a trance before knowing who to marry. The person that sees five dreams in a day is not more spiritual than you that sees nothing. In fact, for all I care, you that don’t dream at all may be more alert to hear God, because the one that hears God through dreams only will be knocked to sleep each time he needs to hear God. Imagine a brother that needs to make a decision, and then he tells you, give me some time, let me go and sleep!
Deliver yourself; stop being intimidated by some overly excited dreamer, allow God to lead you to who to marry the way He wants to. If you are given to dreams, that is great, but don’t feel superior to others around you.
So how do I know I am a child of God when I don’t dream, and I don’t have any spectacular encounter?
Here is the answer.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. (Romans 8:14 KJV)
There can be leading without some audible voice. All you need to do is to follow. The Lord is my shepherd!
Thank God for who He is that can abandon ninety-nine other sheep to look for me!
The real deal then is to be led.
God can lead you into a relationship without hearing a single voice or seeing any vision!
But you know you are led.
So, how do I know if I am being led?
How do you know you are really born again? How do you know Jesus really exists? Have you see him before? How do you know there is a God in heaven? Did you hear His audible voice or did you see Him in your vision seated on His throne with Cherubims and all that? Why then do you believe in Him?
Because you simply know within yourself that God is. You may not be able to prove it, but you just know in your ‘knower’ that God exists. You know in your ‘knower’ that Jesus died for your sin. You were not there in Golgotha with him physically, but you just know it happened deep within you.
That is what is referred to as ‘Inner witness.’
Inner witness! That is the primary way God speaks to His children. No voice, no vision, no trance, nothing, but just this knowing that comes with an unexplainable peace, too deep and assuring that you cannot put it into words!
Don’t let the devil come to you and tell you that the reason you have a troubled marriage is because you didn’t have any dreams or hear a voice about who to marry!
Do you know that when you have had twenty-five dreams about a particular lady and yet this inner witness is not there, you are not supposed to proceed? This inner witness, the peace of God, is most important!
See it described in the scripture
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
I like it particularly in Amplified version
And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Did you see that? That peace of God, that transcends every understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds. Garrison! Mount guard! Those are military terms. That is exactly what happens when you allow the peace of God and you are led by Him. His leading is a like a soldier protecting you. You know why? God will never lead you wrong! Glory to God! He will not lead you into misery! Thank God for His leading.
God is the one that can re-order our steps when we have made mistakes; He is the one that will lead us into our wealthy place. Stay with God and you will never regret. Don’t be led by your feelings which can be fickle, be led by the Holy Spirit, and you will be protected!
This morning, as God’s servant, I speak God’s leading into your life. I speak His peace into your life! May you experience His leading in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a child of God. I am led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God lead you by His peace
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (Romans 8:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read Kenneth Hagin’s book – ‘Following God’s plan for you life’
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
I remember many years ago, as a young Christian, I was praying and trusting God for some things. God answered me very clearly and told me to forgive so and so. Now, these people really hurt me, and I felt justified walking in an unforgiving spirit. But then God gave me two scriptures and said if I want to move forward in life, I have to forgive.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 ESV)
The second scripture God gave me was:
To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices (2 Corinthians 2:10-11 KJV)
I had to listen to God and it was only then I was able to move forward.
2. From the above scriptures, a few things are clear.
3. People will hurt you, as long as you are human and you are in the days of your flesh.
4. You will like to get even, born again or not.
5. Don’t get even; don’t avenge yourself.
6. God will avenge you, He will fight for you and that is when it is sweetest.
7. If you stay in unforgiving mode, Satan will use it as loophole to cause havoc.
You are not to be ignorant of how the devil operates.
A third scripture I will like you to see is here:
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14-15 KJV)
Now, you don’t want to find yourself here. You don’t want to find yourself in a place where God will not forgive you. And yet, the only way not to get there is to forgive people easily! Now as you read this, I really want you to check yourself out. Are you holding a few people in your heart without forgiving them? Well, it could slow you down, literarily!
It could cause delays in marriages, it could cause relationships not to work out, and other havocs can be wrecked. That’s why I tell people; don’t start another relationship immediately after one has just ended. Give yourself a break, at least, six months. Why? When you rush into another relationship with hurts, wounds, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit, you will end up frustrating that other person, and the relationship will still not work out. You cannot establish a relationship on a foundation of hurts, wounds, and bitterness!
When you stay in unforgiving mode, it’s like moving away from God’s protective arm into the terrain of the devil. A lot of us fast and pray fervently, but hear me and hear me well, if you don’t forgive, you will never be able to enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings. I come to you this morning, by the Spirit of God and by His grace which He has endowed me with and I speak into your life and destiny, ‘Forgive!’
Yes, I know you are hurt! Yes, I know you were jilted. Yes, I know you were raped. Yes, I know you were defrauded. Yes, I know you were abandoned when it is just a few days before the wedding. Yes, I know there has been a divorce. Yes, I know you were cheated. Yes, I know you were wrongfully accused. Yes, I know your spouse cheated on you and manipulated you…and the list goes on.
But you cannot afford some bitterness. It is too expensive for you! You need God now, don’t you? You yourself are not perfect, are you? The only way God can overlook, forgive and forget your own imperfections and cause His mercy to avail for you is when you forgive that person.
There are some of us that hold our parents in derision. You are wrong to do that. But my parents are not born-again! You see the scripture never says you should honour your born-again parents! He said you should honour your parents! That is how to last on the planet earth! So that your days will be long! In fact, a particular translation says, honour your parents so that God can say well done to you!
Some of you are having delays in marriage because you are walking in disobedience. If your parents have ever said wrong words to you because you were at loggerheads with them, go back to them and apologize. Humble yourself, so that you won’t slow yourself down. Dishonoring your parents and refusing to forgive them can cost you your life! Read your Bible very well.
Go back to them, buy a gift, prostrate or kneel down and ask them to bless you! That act alone will be better off than ninety days of fasting and prayers, which might not yield results because of an unforgiving spirit.
Forgive your spouse. You will do yourself a lot of good if you do that. If you don’t forgive him or her, your prayers will be hindered. Don’t block God’s blessings over you at this time. Why waste your time praying? Isn’t that a religious spirit at work? Married couples, be quick to forgive each other! Don’t allow strife in your family. If you have been in prolonged hurt and strife, it is dangerous. End it today and allow God’s blessing to flow in your family. Leave your ego behind and obey God. Take your wife out, buy her a gift and apologize! Go to your husband and kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It is not old-fashioned; it is scripture!
Let go and let God! Let it be a beginning of a new day for you and yours! Let go of everybody you are holding in your mind. Burn your little black book of offenses and stop recording hurts. Delete them not only from your memory but from recycle bin as well. Guard your heart with all diligence for out of them are the issues of life.
May God help you and give you strength to forgive all you need to forgive in Jesus name!
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CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have a forgiving attitude. I am quick to forgive.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the grace to let go of all who have hurt me
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (Matthew 6:14 KJV)
Yesterday, we began this discussion, pointing out tell-tale signs to look out for, so that your lover who is on fire today, may not backslide after marriage. If you missed it, see it here.
Our anchor scripture remains:
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
What are other things to note in the area of relationships?
7. When you meet a new person in a church setting, beyond falling in love with some height or some hot legs, find out how involved he is in church. Is he or she a worker in that church? How long has he or she been in the church? Does the pastor know him or her personally?
Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? All these do not guarantee a successful or stress-free marriage, however, they go a long way to establish some credibility and spirituality of the person involved.
This is a better approach than meeting someone in church and on the same day, you are in his house! You must learn how to protect yourself!
8. You need to know that being born again can be genuine and yet the guy or lady is still involved in some sharp practices. When you are born again, your spirit is regenerated, but your mind is in the process of being renewed as you listen to God’s word.
This often takes time and is determined by how studious you are in the word and how much time you give to the study of God’s word. In the process of the mind being renewed, a lot of ‘sinful’ mistakes can happen.
As long as they are not habitual, God will forgive and you will be okay. But when you do something habitually and unrepentantly, the conscience becomes seared and a religious spirit takes over.
9. When you see obvious character defects, don’t close your eyes to them especially when he or she says he will change later. Marriage changes nobody.
Anybody that tells you he or she will change later is deceiving you. What do you do when you see character defects? Seek help! Don’t keep quiet.
10. If during courtship or after marriage, you suddenly discover you never knew who you were in the same boat with, here is what to do. In courtship, take a pause on everything until you find a solution. For example, if the issues has to do with physical violence or physical abuse, don’t just keep quiet thinking that marriage will soften him.
Don’t walk down the aisle into that kind of marriage, or you might need to soon run up the aisle and out! If you are getting slaps in courtship, guess what will happen in marriage? In marriage, divorce is not the first option. Look for a Christian marriage counselor or marriage therapist for help.
11. If you are in a distant relationship or some online dating, you need to know that you will not have a distant marriage and you will not live online.
The reality must dawn on you never to make life-involving decisions without knowing the person very well. It is wrong for you to fall in love with a stranger. Something is not quite right with falling in love with an online profile or some voice over the phone! Marriage is not a game! It is a covenant!
12. Finally, we are all projects in the making in the hands of God. Nobody is perfect, but there are things that are unbecoming for a child of God. When you see some of these things, it is time to seek help, or if intense, run for your life!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
The issue above is one of the commonest statements of regret from several people that I counsel every other month. Avoiding in marriage a lover on fire today but cold later is possible.
“Pastor, he has changed…”
“Pastor, I never knew he was like this…”
“Pastor, before we got married, he was a leader in the fellowship, but now, he doesn’t go to church…”
“Pastor, during our courtship, he was so sweet, but now, he beats me up!
“Pastor, I never knew him because our courtship was a distant one…”
…And so on and so forth…
Well, what went wrong along the way?
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
Here are a few things to note.
There are pretenders out there. There are people who will feign being in the faith just to get a ‘good’ girl that will not give them ‘problems’ in marriage. This is where Christian pre-marriage counseling comes in.
2. That you met somebody in church does not guarantee that he or she is a true child of God or that you are avoiding in marriage all troubles. Anybody and everybody can attend church services for different purposes. Always seek counsel before you get involved with anybody.
3. Not everybody in the church setting is looking for God. That is why phones and personal effects get missing in church. An angel didn’t steal them. They were stolen by people with whom you worship but with ulterior motives.
4. Let the leadership of the church be involved in your relationship and marriage. There are some churches that have marriage guidance councils, these are not instituted to control you or spy into your private life but to guide you appropriately. Let your pastor be in the know. This is important because the pastor usually knows the committed ones and those who are insincere to an extent.
5. Learn all you can learn. Get marriage tips and free Christian advice online for avoiding chaos in marriage. On Kisses and Huggs Club, for example, we offer free Christian advice for singles and married couples and you can get advice on marriage issues on our daily devotionals, daily discussions and several other materials online. Don’t walk into a marriage ignorantly and so naïve that you fall for anything.
6. As a marriage counselor for some years, I can rightly say that it is true some people really love the Lord, but along the way, there is a turn around. Avoiding in marriage such people is what this post is about. This can be due to negative influence, change of environment, pressure that comes with marriage, choice of career and so on. Whatever it is, when you find yourself in this kind of scenario, you need to quickly find a marriage counselor to talk to.
I will stop here today and conclude on this topic tomorrow.
Be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
There is no doubt that God speaks to His people. For me, God spoke to me clearly while I was a student on the Campus as relating to relationships and marriage. Knowing the right lover is key!
God still speaks today. He is a speaking God. “saith the Lord’ is found over eight hundred times in the scriptures.
Jesus constantly speaks to us.
Isa 30:21 AMP And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
The Holy Spirit is a speaking Spirit.
Joh 12:50 KJV And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.
He desires to lead us. Here a few things to note in Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
God will not speak to you outside of His word.
2. To hear God more, read His word the more. His word in your Spirit prepares your Spirit like a receptacle to hear God.
3. When you seek His face, you will hear Him speak to you. God still speaks.
4. Fasting and prayer often helps to hear God more clearly.
Act 13:2 KJV As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them.
5. Relationship and marriage should not be the first issues that arise when you are trying to hear God. Try developing hearing Him in other areas as well. Intricacies of Knowing the right lover is in hearing Him.
6. God is particular even with the minutest details of your life, and when you learn to relate with the Holy Spirit like you will relate with a friend, He will always speak to you, like a friend will speak to you.
7. When God shows you a guy, calm down, don’t get suggestive, let him discover too. The lady is not the aggressor; she is the responder.
8. When God shows you a lady, it is just information because you are His child and fathers speak to their children. You are His friend. So He tells you of what is to come. Jesus said when the Holy Spirit comes, He will tell us of things to come.
9. That he showed you does not mean you should go ahead and propose. You also need to ask Him when to go ahead and propose. There is a difference between preparation and performance. This is Intricacies of Knowing the right lover
10. In the things of God, He often shows you things ahead. Because the information is coming from God, it would look like you should act immediately. But most of the time, it is never an immediate action. He showed Joseph some things that only came to pass several years later. David was anointed but never mounted the throne immediately. Some of these promises have to be patiently obtained.
11. It is possible to get a big ‘NO’ from a lady and yet God has spoken to you. You jumped ahead and did not follow His leading completely. The lady is not ready at the time. Just like God spoke to you, God has to speak to her too!
12. The primary way God will lead you is through inner witness. You just know within you. Do not seek dreams and visions because the devil can give them. Stay consistently in God’s word and pray in the Spirit a lot. That way, God will ensure that you don’t miss it in life. God still speaks.
13. It is one thing for God to speak to you about a person. That does not mean it will work out or lead into marriage especially if you unrepentantly compromise regularly, or you did not work at your relationship in terms of character development. For example, God might have spoken to you and yet anger problems can ruin it all.
14. Until you have heard from God, do not take that step. Be still and know that He is God! Calm Down!
Psa 46:10 (CEV) Our God says, “Calm down, and learn that I am God! All nations on earth will honor me.”
I pray for you this morning, your life will not become an experiment. You will enjoy God’s leading in every area of your life in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I hear God’s voice daily.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my ears to hear your voice every day of my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 30:21 ERV and thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it; when ye turn to the right hand and when e turn to the left.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take time to pray in the spirit
Falling in love is a special experience, or so it is intended to be. But there are ways to fall in love. The foundation to falling in love the right way is to fall in love with God first. God Himself is love and when you fall in love with Him, He will teach you and help you to understand what real love is.
So when somebody comes toasting and cajoling you, you will know right away whether it is love or lust! God is the lover of your soul and He is your first true lover! Any attempt to ignore Him is at your own peril to your eventual love life. Without Him, you will never be able to know how to love and how to be loved. Here are a few ways not to fall in love.
1. Don’t fall in love secretly. I have said it many times; a godly relationship is not a secret cult. It is not a fraternity between two people. If you like yourself and you will like to protect yourself, heed my advice this day by the Spirit of God, don’t fall in love with a closed-up person. Let your friends know about it. Let your Pastor know about it. The moment he or she insists that nobody should know, that should be a red light for you. Why hide something that is meant to be good news?
When I asked my wife out while we were students at Ogun State University (now Olabisi Onabanjo University) and she said ‘Yes,’ I announced to all that cared to listen! It was a joyful experience for me as a twenty-four-year-old chap! I later got married at twenty-seven years of age some three years later in 1999. (Some of you are calculating my age right now; it’s okay!)
Are you in a relationship where nobody knows except the two of you? Why would that be? The risks are high! The first sign of commitment in a relationship that is intended to lead to marriage is that the authority figures in your lives will be involved. While this may not totally ensure the success of the relationship, it goes a long way to validate the relationship.
2. Don’t fall in love hopelessly. When you are falling in love, fall in love with some life! Don’t fall in love with a profile on social media. You may be disappointed. Don’t fall in love with a picture! You never know who you are dealing with! Before you give your heart out, be sure you see the person you are dealing with, or else your heart can be wrenched apart! “Pastor, it is not just a profile, I heard his voice!” It is still the same hopelessness, falling in love with a voice. Who owns the voice?
The rule of thumb is simple, never give any commitment to someone you have not seen. If he is not committed to travel down to where you are, or he doesn’t have enough money to come or he doesn’t have the time, then he is not ready for marriage. I know there can be situations when the persons are far away, probably in another country, then get family members who are around involved.
You cannot just fix a wedding date with somebody in Brazil and then travel there. I cannot recount how many have called me to talk about the greatest disappointment of their lives upon emptying their accounts and resigning from work to go and meet a guy somewhere who eventually turns out to be mentally imbalanced. A word is enough for the wise.
3. Don’t fall in love carelessly. Don’t fall in love carelessly. You met two hours ago. Now you are in bed! That is not love! That is lust and you are going to be dropped soonest like hot potatoes! The principles of God are being violated like that and you are not going to have His support. The purpose of falling in love is not to take somebody to bed; it is to take somebody down the aisle. Sex outside marriage with someone will never be able to prove your love. They are just not the same, otherwise, the prostitute will fall in love with all her clients, but it never happens that way. Fall in love with care and caution!
4. Don’t fall in love foolishly. Fall in love with your common sense! Don’t fall in love with a married man or woman! He tells you that you are the one he loves. That is a lie! He loves his wife at home; they might just have issues. Why fall in love and play the second fiddle? Why fall in love with a man that visits twice a week in a house he rented for you? What kind of life is that?
God has got your own spouse for you, but you will keep on delaying what God wants to do when you are busy carrying out your own agenda. Be wise!
A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. (Proverbs 9:13 KJV)
5. Don’t fall in love with a stranger Don’t fall in love with somebody you don’t know. In fact, it never happens, it will never be love when it is a stranger. There is nothing like love at first sight, only with foresight. There may be a ‘knowing’ at first sight, but it is never love at first sight. Why? You cannot fall in love with somebody you don’t know!
The rush of adrenaline in your body does not translate into love! Body chemistry is not love! Infatuation is not love. Lust is not love. Love is a deeper ‘sensing’ and knowing, more than a feeling, it is an assurance, and it is deep-seated in the heart.
It is not something that happens with a stranger. Fall in love with a friend, not with a stranger, so that strange things will not happen to you! You don’t’ even know her name, and you are saying you are in love!
For married people, never get tired of your spouse. You have to keep falling in love over and over again. Wives, learn to dress for your hubby at home, he is moved by sight, so stop tying wrappers all the time unless that is what your husband wants. Go get some lingerie and learn to fire up his blood. It is a holy thing to do, for your husband!
I pray that God will grant more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am led by God towards my rightful partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 9:13 (AMP) The foolish woman is restless and noisy; She is naive and easily misled and thoughtless, and knows nothing at all [of eternal value].
Somebody was once asked what are the three most important ingredients of a relationship or marriage that would be successful. He simply gave them:
Communication
Communication
Communication I believe he was right!
Communication is powerful and is so essential. Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound! As a matter of fact, communication, in an unexplainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb. When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately. In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.
1. Communication with your maker No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile. You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in a relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation. Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know him or her. For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love! When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body! The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!
Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God. This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into the hands of the wrong spouse? You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you from the evil man and from the strange woman!
To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV) To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)
2. Communication with yourself The next stage is communication with yourself. Who are you? This answers the question of identity. Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose. This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.
The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person. True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person. A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave. The gloriousness of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise. When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings. When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks! When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money. When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a gut or girl in bed who you just met a few hours ago.
I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place? You are a seed of God and every seed doesn’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple questions that will solve complex equations in your lives! May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will communicate right with my maker
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do it right.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 2:11-12 (NIV) Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word “communication”
There shouldn’t be issues of somebody giving you a “nail” when you propose if you follow simple traffic rules.
The guy is like the one driving a car and the lady is the parking space.
So the guy is driving and he wants to ‘branch’ into a place, traffic rule says you should trafficate.
According to Wikipedia, Trafficators are semaphore signals which, when operated, protrude from the bodywork of a motor vehicle to indicate its intention to turn in the direction indicated by the pointing signal.
So a guy is interested in a lady, you want to turn in her direction, the next thing to do is to use your trafficator! How do you do that?
You indicate your intention in little but healthy ways. You must have been friends of course! You send her an SMS (not to propose, but just saying hi), buy her a card, or keep a bar of chocolate for her. Those are some little healthy gestures that tell her, I want to “turn here.” That way, you are using the trafficator.
Now, the girl with her attitudes, reactions, and body language will either welcome you or rebuff you completely. It is either she brings up a signpost that tells you that you can turn in here or she brings up a warning sign, ‘No Parking!’
Once you see ‘No parking’ repeatedly, you simply drive on and say, ‘who wants to park before, my hands just mistakenly hit the trafficator!
You see that way, you stop wasting your time and energy and you avoid unnecessary rejection and you are still friends at the end of the day.
But you see, there are guys who are not really interested in commitment who just want to have a place to park illegally and have some jeru trip. Be wary of such.
Then, there are guys that will not trafficate at all and will just turn in. That is a traffic offence tantamount to justified rejection. You don’t operate like that in the kingdom.
There are also guys, who will trafficate right and then they abruptly turn to the left. That is nothing but wickedness. It is a traffic offence! Those kinds of guys should not be given an inch of parking space at all. They are not being sincere about what they really want.
Then there are also guys who will leave their double blinker on. You are not sure where they are going because the trafficators show they are turning both left and right at the same time. Don’t give your attention to such guys!
Traffic offences will always attract traffic officers and they will either arrest you or waste your time. Learn to do it God’s way so you don’t end up wasting a few years in your attempts at marriage.
And then for guys, look at the signs very well before you turn in. There are some places that are just dead ends. When you get entangled and fall in love with someone who has no relationship with God in any form but because she has hot legs, you are simply looking for trouble.
There are also places where the parking space is full, there is no reason getting involved with a married person. But you and your car may not survive it!
For married people, appreciate your spouse and stop using your trafficators on forbidden zones. There are some places you are not permitted to drive to again. You can admire those parking spaces but don’t desire them and don’t go there. Go back and use your space that God has given you and God will bless you on that.
As a married man, there are several parking places that look so alluring but God says don’t try it. They look beautiful with soft grass where your car can easily be parked but underneath are sharp pricks that will ground your vehicle. You will be immobilized, your destiny will be truncated and you will be grounded.
If you are illegally parked somewhere, it is time to move before you are grounded. If you are already grounded, get a towing vehicle and move out fast. That will cost you a little but it is the best thing to do. Run to God and decide to do it right. That is when you can run your race with grace and you will be sure you will get to your destination.
I pray for you this morning that every hindrance in your way is removed in Jesus name. You will surely get to your destination.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not miss it in marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to trafficate rightly.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 1:17-18 NLT asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Trafficate before you park
The marriage bed – There are things that are popular and prevalent but not necessarily of God. That something is nearly ubiquitous does not validate it.
The voice of the people is sometimes reverberations and echoes of the devil! The voice of God is what stands any day, any time. The voice of man and the principles of man are often fraught with errors and casualties.
There are things that have been defined by the media and societal inclination; but as long as they are not founded on the word, they are as fickle as a flower that blossoms today and withers tomorrow.
You cannot build your life on such, or else when the storm rages; the wind blows and the rain falls, great will be the ruin of such a building.
For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 3:11 KJV)
So, what are some of those popular things?
1. She has to get pregnant before marriage
Some families will insist on this before they agree on any marriage. They want to be sure that the daughter they are bringing into the family is fertile or the guy that wants to marry their daughter is not impotent.
No matter how logical this looks, it contradicts the principle of God in terms of making the marriage bed undefiled.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4 KJV)
However you want to see it, even though it is popular, what is wrong is wrong. When your marriage is therefore founded on disobedience, it cut short the blessings of God.
It is not the ‘fertility’ of the lady or the potency of the man that will guarantee the next pregnancy after marriage. The same way it sounds logical to say one has to be sure with pregnancy also contradicts itself.
The same logic says what if he gets pregnant and one gets married and then loses the pregnancy, what happens? Then one will know how to cry unto God.
2. He has to be ‘mobile’ (He‘s got to have a car!)
Well, this is good! Who doesn’t want the best of things and who wants to ‘suffer’ first? If your fiancée has a good car before marriage, great!
You are blessed! But to make this a criterion will be a great error. The important thing is to find out God’s plan for your life. His thoughts towards you are thoughts of peace and not of evil!
Are you marrying the car or the guy? What if something happens to the car? There are seemingly rich guys today who are on their way to being massively broke. But there are also guys who are seemingly broke today but are on their way to being unrepentantly rich! As a lady, you need to follow your heart and you have to be able to “perceive!”
3. We have to be compatible in bed
You just want to satisfy your lust, simple! How do you measure this compatibility in bed? What would he or she do that will give a pass mark? And if he or she is not compatible according to your judgment, what happens?
Look for the next available person and jump in bed to measure compatibility? Compatibility in bed is a figment of the imagination, and that is why you keep measuring after the first “measurement” It is high time we stop that deception.
It is high times ladies woke up and stop being easily deceived. wait for the marriage bed!
If the lady was good in bed, you’ll say she is too exposed; she has slept with too many people. If she is naïve in bed, you’ll say she is Mummy’s girl! So, exactly what are you up to?
4. We have to seek Prophet’s consent
This is another nonsensical pursuit. It is a waste of time. What you need to know is that there are prophets for profit. They are hungry and they need to eat, so they will always see something. Even when you give them three non-existent names, they will still see something! That spirit in them will not be able to identify that those are non-existent names.
In the Old Testament, the people will consult the prophet for direction because the Holy Spirit is only upon these prophets. But in the New Testament, the primary function of the prophet has moved from foretelling to forth-telling.
The Holy Spirit is now upon all believers, and you are supposed to be led by the Spirit of God individually. If your prophet or pastor confirms what is already in your heart; that is okay. I have done that for a lot of people, but pastors or prophets are not to be sought for direction on who to marry! You are to decide, they can confirm! If a pastor insists you must marry somebody you dislike and you are not in love with, that is nothing more than emotionalism and manipulation!
5. I don’t really love him or her, but I need the citizenship
This is another wrong reason to get married. Getting married to an older person to get some papers? Don’t be that desperate; allow God to do what He wants to do in your life.
What if you are not supposed to be in that place, according to God’s direction for your life? You would have sentenced yourself to a life of non-fulfillment and dissatisfaction.
You might end up having some dollars, but you will never have the peace of mind that way, and there is all likelihood that such marriages will not last! You don’t have God’s support when you venture into such deals.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I do not go by what’s popular. I will follow God’s plan for my life. Popular opinion does not move me, only the word of God does.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, lead me to the right person for me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7 NKJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Don’t look for what is popular. Pray in the spirit instead.
Over the years, from counseling experiences, and even from the scriptures, one guaranteed reason a relationship or marriage will crash is when there is no form of mentoring or tutelage, or better put, when there is no accountability!
The kingdom of God is so orchestrated in such a way that you are not supposed to stay in isolation. Isolation will usually dovetail to desolation.
Here is God’s word:
God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (Psalms 68:6 KJV)
God in His wisdom has surrounded us with not only physical families but also spiritual families. You have to be able to identify your spiritual family and stay there. There is a man or woman that God has placed over you from whom you can access wisdom and who will be able to speak into your life in the times of storms.
There are times that you face some issues, and yet the solution to that storm is just a sentence or two away in the mouth of an anointed servant of God.
This is why I am often scared of couples that have nobody they are accountable to. I am often scared of couples that have no mentors over them. Somebody has rightly said that you need mentors to avoid tormentors of life!
Singles, beware of getting into a relationship with a person who is accountable to no one! The moment he or she begins to tell you that God is his mentor, something is wrong somewhere.
Now, I will tell you why it is so important that you get married to somebody who is accountable.
There are some times that couples call in for counseling and upon listening to them, there would only be one way to move forward.
So, I would ask the question,
“Who is your husband’s mentor?”
It is always sad when the answer is “Nobody sir!”
So, I would usually reframe the question, “Who does your husband respect? Who can talk to him?”
And then, a sadder answer comes “Nobody sir!”
Then I would make one more attempt, “What about his parents?”
“He does not listen to his parents! Nobody can talk to him!”
At this point, the situation actually looks bleak… because you can hardly help an isolated and disenfranchised person!
One of the pertinent things to be sure of in considering marriage is the issue of accountability!
Don’t get involved with someone who says you don’t need a mentor. That would be risky!
Let me conclude with this scripture:
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22 KJV)
Purposes can be genuine, but when they are without counsel, they can be frustrated and disappointed.
See it in Message translation:
Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 Message)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am not isolated. My relationship will not crash.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me who you have appointed to speak into my life so that my relationship will not crash.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The empty–headed treat life as a plaything; the perceptive grasp its meaning and make a go of it. (Proverbs 15:21 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss and decide on who will be your mentor
There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men (Proverbs 30:11-14 KJV)
I am still a small boy. I will be forty-nine in October. I have several older friends, some in their fifties and some in their sixties, so you agree with me that I am still a very young man, plus I really look young.
As a pastor for some time, there are things I have heard that made my ears tingle. There are experiences people have gone through that seemed unbelievable. Some of them came through it and lived to tell the story. Some were not so strong enough; they were swept off their feet.
I will like to reminiscence and bring you some of those scenarios. The intent is not to mock, but to teach and for you to be cautioned. The devil has no new strategies; it is the same old, dump traps that he sets. Here we go. Names are fictional.
Case 1
Sandy was being asked out by George. She refused. Sandy was a church girl; George was a street guy. She just wanted friendship. She visited him one day so that he wouldn’t feel bad again because he was refused, because George kept acting up. Sandy was served Juice.
She suspected, and then she thought, ‘he couldn’t have poisoned her drink. She took the drink since it was freshly opened, but what she didn’t know was that you don’t need to open a juice before you add some drugs. A syringe and needle were used. After taking the drink, she wanted to leave, but she was delayed. That was the last she knew.
Fast forward to seven hours later. She woke up drowsily. The room smelt of Indian hemp and alcohol. She saw George and three other guys, eyes red and faces changed. She knew she was in trouble. They were going to rape her. The music blared out loud from the deck. Shouting was useless.
Her mistakes
1. She visited them in their territory. That was calling for trouble.
2. She trusted them. That was a great mistake.
3. She made friends with wrong set of people
Lessons
1. You don’t trust an unbeliever. Even a young believer whose mind is not renewed yet is capable of doing anything.
2. People can be sweet-talking and yet have bile within. Be alert, being naïve can be tragic.
Case 2
She just got admission into the university in her teenage years. She was from a Christian home. Her parents were deacons. She had friends who were not Christians. She had a self-esteem issue. She believed her breasts were too small, and that was why she was not beautiful. Her friends said it was because he had no boyfriends to help press them.
They promised to get her a boyfriend. They did. She started sleeping around.
Fast forward, three months. She was a pregnant eighteen-year-old. Her friends said she was stupid, what happened to all the pills? She said she could not murder a soul.
They laughed at her. Her parents were devastated. They said they could not abort for her as well. Back in school, her tummy was protruding. She could not live with the shame. Her friends eventually persuaded her that it was not too late to abort.
She obliged, damning the consequences. It was removed by a person who said he was a doctor. It was a twin pregnancy. One was removed; the other was left there. Complications arose. A few days later, she died!
Her mistakes
1. Wrong set of friends. You don’t surround yourself with enemies.
2. She drew strength for her esteem from a wrong source.
Lessons
1. Jeru trip whether it leads to pregnancy or not, is not the way to go.
2. You don’t take mentoring lessons from friends, they don’t know more than you do.
Case 3
Two friends driving on the road hit an old man’s car. The old man was furious, came down, because these two guys were in a brand new car. These guys came out of their car arrogantly with no apology.
They asked the man how much his car was worth. These further infuriated the man, who said he was not interested in their money but they should fix his car. One of the guys went into his boot and brought out a big bag full of money! The little crowd around was shocked.
Unknown to them, nemesis was going to catch up on them. They soon attracted more crowd of people because the man refused to take the money and kept asking them where they got so much money from.
Policemen were soon attracted; they simply arrested them and went to their house for a search. Right there where they lived were two girls on their knees with stuff on their heads…it was a ritual case! The girls have been turned into money-spinning demonic zombies, their lives snuffed out!
Lessons
1. Not everybody that wants to sleep with you and offer you money; really loves you. Some just want to ‘use’ you!
2. Don’t follow strangers home and don’t take strangers into your house because of some quick money.
3. Learn how to live by faith and trust God for your provision rather than live by deception and a life of iniquity. The consequences are right there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The Holy Spirit will guide me into all truth.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my eyes of understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits. (1 Cor 15:33 NKJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Carefully pick your friends with open eyes.
Marriage is instituted by God. The devil hates marriages. That is why the devil attacks marriages with a passion. A lot of people have terribly wrong notions of what marriage is.
In looking at the scriptures, we see a picture of what marriage is supposed to be. This morning, we’ll look at some of those underlining principles. Here are some wrong notions.
1. Marriage is a necessary evil
God does not create evil. In Genesis, everything He created, He said, “It is good.” However, the devil has succeeded in most people at misrepresenting the original intentions of God as concerning marriage. Marriage is not a necessary evil. If it were, then God will be unjust to set us up in that way. If I may put things in perspective, I will say Marriage is a blessing. It is a beautiful, thoughtful idea of God on humanity.
God’s idea is that one will chase a thousand, but two shall put ten thousand to a flight! God’s idea is that in marriage, your strength is multiplied. Marriage is not a nemesis, it is not a mistake, it is a divine arrangement of God to fulfill His purpose on earth.
2. Marriage is not necessary; I can just have one or two children
I have heard several ladies say this. I don’t want to get married to any man, but I want to have children. In the arrangement of God, children are supposed to come from a couple, a husband and wife, a man and a woman. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, not Eve and Eva! God’s idea is that children are raised in the atmosphere of love, with a man and a woman, a father and a mother. Every time, that man has flouted this, it has landed him into trouble.
Our prisons are filled today with people in a large percentage that were raised without a father or mother figure. Every time, a father or a mother was not there, it had produced dysfunctional children and ultimately dysfunctional families. By the time you have a dysfunctional generation, what you have in the end is a dysfunctional society.
3. There are no good men; all the good men have died
This is a wrong conclusion. Usually, ladies who have gone through harrowing and unpleasant experiences and disappointments in the hands of several men usually sing this song. Well, experiences, no matter how intense, cannot replace the truth of God’s word.
The reality is that there are still faithful men and good men! The danger here is that what you believe is what you attract. That is the law of life.
You see, it is always good to do things God’s way and not try to put things into your hands. When you try to follow your own limited wisdom, things can really get awful. You are not designed to do it by yourself or in your own strength!
4. You cannot be a ‘celebrity’ and have a good marriage
This is another lie of the devil. First of all, who does God see as a celebrity? I am not sure it is the same way our society views that. But that topic is for another day. Let’s follow the secular definition of who a ‘celebrity’ is.
Here are few things that usually land them in many unsuccessful attempts at marriage.
a. They have a lot of fame. With that comes a massive ego and a lot of pride. Usually, the selflessness that makes a marriage work does not come with all that.
b. They have a lot of money, so submitting to a husband or loving a woman is a great challenge. Without the constant renewal of mind which comes as a result of God’s word, this is usually a challenge.
c. There is something called deceitfulness of riches. It makes one feel you can do all you want to do and you don’t really need God. But then, this kind of attitude to life usually comes with its consequences as seen in today’s world.
d. They usually stay away from marriage because they feel that would tie them down and not allow them to live the kind of life they wanted.
e. A few of those who were married ended in divorce ad separation because they were not able to give time and attention to their spouses.
f. Their lifestyle and nature of work usually attract adulterous relationships. This further complicates the whole equation.
g. They are not able to submit to any authority figure for spiritual accountability purposes.
5. Marriage succeeds as long as there is money.
It does not work that way. Marriage requires both parties to work at it, loving themselves genuinely, understanding and speaking their love languages, spending quality time, and giving attention to the marriage.
I pray that God will give us more wisdom on this topic as we all work towards a successful marriage.
I pray for all going through one challenge or more in their relationships or marriages, I ask for peace on every storm and pray specially for God’s intervention in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am delivered from the wrong relationship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to discard every wrong notion about marriage in my mind.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female (Mark 10:6 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to live by God’s principles.
Deborah is a twenty-six-year-old lady who is not in any relationship. She visits her much older friend, Aunty Nike who has been married for fifteen years and the following conversation ensued.
Pick the words carefully, see the wisdom embedded in between the lines and learn a few principles in the conversation…yes, just a conversation. Somebody said the wisdom of a person can be found in his words.
Aunty Nike: So, my dear, how has it been?
Deborah: Well, it’s been great o…
Aunty Nike: So, when are we walking down the aisle?
Deborah: Aunty, I will walk alone?
Aunty Nike: God forbid
Deborah: I never find person o… (I have not found anybody)
Aunty Nike: You are not to find a man; you are to be found.
Deborah: And if I’m not found?
Aunty Nike: You will be found?
Deborah: But time is going, Aunty, and the pressures are much!
Aunty Nike: Are you sure you are findable?
Deborah: Findable? I go write am for head? (do I have to write that on my forehead?)
Aunty Nike: Not like that.
Deborah: So how?
Aunty Nike: You know what the scripture says, right?
Deborah: Tell me, Aunty
Aunty Nike: He that findeth a wife…
Deborah: Oh that one. I know it.
Aunty Nike: Do you notice what it says? He that finds a wife…
Deborah: Yes, what does that mean?
Aunty Nike: He that finds a wife…not a woman, not a girl.
Deborah: I see
Aunty Nike: There is a difference
Deborah: But I don’t understand. How do I become a wife before being found?
Aunty Nike: That’s the core message in there. If you don’t become a wife, you are not findable!
Deborah: But it is you people that will preach now that one should not have pre-marital sex, you should not go and spend weekends in a guy’s house, you should not cook or wash boxers, and so on. So how do you become a wife before being found?
Aunty Nike: Good question. I will give you a good answer.
Deborah: I dey hear o… (I am listening)
Aunty Nike: It is not becoming a wife in terms of physical actions; it is more of preparation of the heart.
Deborah: So, I will become a wife in my heart? You these spiritual people! How?
Aunty Nike: Yes, because according to that scripture, what must be found is a ‘wife’
Deborah: So how do I become a wife in my heart, Aunty?
Aunty Nike: You become a wife in your heart through your preparations and dispositions.
Deborah: Aunty, no confuse me with grammar o. (don’t get me confused with bogus words’)
Aunty Nike: It is very simple. The question is ‘are you a wife material?’ Are you prepared? Every man is looking for a wife material, not a girl.
Deborah: Aunty, I am not a girl. I am twenty-six
Aunty Nike: It is not about age. You can be thirty-five and yet not be a wife material…still a girl in your dispositions.
Deborah: Dispositions?
Aunty Nike: The way you think, which informs the way you act.
Deborah: Aunty, I need to get married fast, I am getting miserable
Aunty Nike: And after marriage, the misery will fly away? To far-far-away kingdom?
Deborah: Yes now, with a husband by my side.
Aunty Nike: You are not yet a wife material.
Deborah: Aunty, which one now, you wan curse me? (You want to curse me?)
Aunty Nike: I am not cursing you, I am telling you who you are, you are still a girl and you are not yet ready to be found.
Deborah: How?
Aunty Nike: What is the definition of a wife?
Deborah: A woman who is married.
Aunty Nike: That is dictionary definition; give me biblical definition.
Deborah: I no be pastor, Aunty (I am not a Pastor)
Aunty Nike: ok. A wife is not just a married woman, but a married woman who is a help-meet. A wife is to complete her husband. She is coming with something on the table, not just coming to get! When you say you need a husband because you are feeling miserable, what you need to know is that marriage will not remove the misery; it will only make you a married miserable woman and probably drag the man into misery as well.
Deborah: Aunty, I don hear! (I have heard)
Aunty Nike: You better hear!
Deborah: At least, I won’t be lonely again…all those nights I spend alone hugging my poor pillow…
Aunty Nike: There you go again. You are still a girl.
Deborah: Something is wrong with that statement again?
Aunty Nike: Everything is wrong with it.
Deborah: Tell me, Aunty.
Aunty Nike: Marriage does not solve the problem of loneliness. It solves the problems of aloneness. God told Adam, it is good for man to be alone, not lonely…
Deborah: I don’t get…
Aunty Nike: There are many married people who are very lonely. Due to selfishness, ignorance, pride, and unforgiving spirit…
Deborah: Na wa o…make person no kuku marry now… make I just find one man wey go giv me pikin na… (This is serious. Maybe I should not get married then. Will just have a kid from a man)
Aunty Nike: There you go again; you are a girl. I know why you have not been found.
Deborah: See, Aunty, I have been praying and fasting…
Aunty Nike: That is not the first thing you need. What you need to do first, is to renew your mind with God’s word daily and read a lot of good books to prepare for marriage. Get on KHC and devour those devotionals!
Deborah: Aunty, fasting, and praying is important. I even go to the mountains to do dry fasting.
Aunty Nike: After you fast and pray, the man shows up, and then you drive him away with your ‘girlish’ attitudes and dispositions!
Deborah: Aunty!
Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife first. You need knowledge. A man of knowledge increases strength! You need to be informed and be prepared. You need to understand what marriage is. You need to know that marriage is not just a contract but a covenant.
Deborah: How do I do all that?
Aunty Nike: Renew your mind by reading God’s word daily. Follow KHC devotionals daily and learn all you can learn. Be prepared. Become a wife in your heart, not by offering sex to keep a man.
Deborah: No sex, Aunty?
Aunty Nike: None of that until after marriage!
Deborah: So how do I test what I am going for?
Aunty Nike: Another reason you have not been found. If anybody finds you like this, he is a boy, not a man, and he is looking for fun, not commitment!
Deborah: So how do I test if we are compatible?
Aunty Nike: Oh, since you have been testing, where has it gotten you? And what is your standard for compatibility? And after testing, how do you know if he is compatible or not? And if he is not, you look for the next man to sleep with? How many people will you keep on testing for compatibility? You will just discover one day you are fifty and you are still testing!
Deborah: Aunty, don’t be harsh.
Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife, dear. The scripture cannot be broken. It is ‘he that findeth a wife… It is better to trust God for direction rather than turn yourself to a testing ground.
Deborah: It is well
Aunty Nike: Go get books to read. Get a mentor to take you through. Read your Bible daily. Then pray for direction. God will surely help you. You will be found. The man will not only be handsome, but he will also be so anointed to the teeth! When he smiles, you will fall under the anointing!
Deborah: Aunty!!!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be found by the right man
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, make me a wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22 NLT)
A lot of singles and married couples are often caught up in the hustles and bustles of life and become distracted. Here is a reminder list of what you should do regularly to each other and how to go about it.
1. Pray for him.Pray for her.
Let it be genuine. This helps you to harness the help of God to come to bear for you. Genuine prayers for each other will go a long way to keep you together. Minimize the quarrels and maximize the times for prayers.
2. Call each other daily.
Whether you will see each other later in the day is not the issue, the issue is that communication is the live wire of any relationship or marriage that will survive. Keep in touch. Send SMS. Use chats.
3. Exchange gifts regularly.
It doesn’t have to be expensive! But let it be touching. Notice what I wrote, exchange gifts; not collect gifts! Those little gestures help to keep the fire of your relationship and marriage aflame.
4. Share with him or her what God is dealing with you in His word.
Whatever God tells you in your devotion or in your personal walk with God, will also bless him or her as long as it blesses you. You don’t have to make it look like you are in another service when you want to do that, but you make it as natural as possible.
5. Encourage one another.
You are his number one fan. You are her number one fan. Don’t discourage each other. Don’t dissipate your energy on criticism. Be aware that your input goes a long way because you are the closest person.
6. Forgive each other so that your heavenly father will forgive you also.
You are not perfect, are you? So don’t become a judge, rather lovingly overlook and forget any mistakes that are meant to show up.
7. Let corrections be done in love.
Do you know it takes up to nine affirming statements to be able to accommodate and see one criticism as it should be seen? But you know what people do is give nine brutally critical statements and one or none of affirming statements. It will not yield any positive result like that.
8. Seek to help each other in obeying God’s instructions.
You are the greatest influence. Don’t encourage him or her to sin. Stand on the path of truth and help him or her to resist temptations.
9. Don’t feed each other’s weaknesses.
Rather, you should balance him or her out, because you will always have the strength and in areas where he or she is weak. Be available to help him stand. Be there to help her say No to iniquity. Don’t be seen as a partner in crime, or partner in iniquity. Let him or her be able to say, I trust my fiancé/fiancée/spouse; he will never compromise. Trust one another and protect your trust.
10. Make sure you have a mentor you talk to from time to time.
Sometimes, the very intense issues and disagreements are dissolved with a few statements. Well, that is the grace of God upon our lives and upon this ministry; to provide positive intervention in crisis-laden marriages and to provide godly counsels for those in courtship.
Accountability to those who have done what you are trying to do is a lot of wisdom. Stay close with these devotionals that have been a succor to a lot of marriages and relationships across the world, discuss it from time to time and keep on making adjustments! So help us God!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will apply discretion in every area of my relationship and marriage as God helps me. I seek help regularly.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask that you give me wisdom and understanding in my relationship and in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Colossians 3:15 MSG Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Learn to discuss regularly with your fiance/fiancee
