Reading Time: 5 minutes

Deborah is a twenty-six-year-old lady who is not in any relationship. She visits her much older friend, Aunty Nike who has been married for fifteen years and the following conversation ensued.

Pick the words carefully, see the wisdom embedded in between the lines and learn a few principles in the conversation…yes, just a conversation. Somebody said the wisdom of a person can be found in his words.

Aunty Nike: So, my dear, how has it been?

Deborah: Well, it’s been great o…

Aunty Nike: So, when are we walking down the aisle?

Deborah: Aunty, I will walk alone?

Aunty Nike: God forbid

Deborah: I never find person o… (I have not found anybody)

Aunty Nike: You are not to find a man; you are to be found.

Deborah: And if I’m not found?

Aunty Nike: You will be found?

Deborah: But time is going, Aunty, and the pressures are much!

Aunty Nike: Are you sure you are findable?

Deborah: Findable? I go write am for head? (do I have to write that on my forehead?)

Aunty Nike: Not like that.

Deborah: So how?

Aunty Nike: You know what the scripture says, right?

Deborah: Tell me, Aunty

Aunty Nike: He that findeth a wife…

Deborah: Oh that one. I know it.

Aunty Nike: Do you notice what it says? He that finds a wife…

Deborah: Yes, what does that mean?

Aunty Nike: He that finds a wife…not a woman, not a girl.

Deborah: I see

Aunty Nike: There is a difference

Deborah: But I don’t understand. How do I become a wife before being found?

Aunty Nike: That’s the core message in there. If you don’t become a wife, you are not findable!

Deborah: But it is you people that will preach now that one should not have pre-marital sex, you should not go and spend weekends in a guy’s house, you should not cook or wash boxers, and so on. So how do you become a wife before being found?

Aunty Nike: Good question. I will give you a good answer.

Deborah: I dey hear o… (I am listening)

Aunty Nike: It is not becoming a wife in terms of physical actions; it is more of preparation of the heart.

Deborah: So, I will become a wife in my heart? You these spiritual people! How?

Aunty Nike: Yes, because according to that scripture, what must be found is a ‘wife’

Deborah: So how do I become a wife in my heart, Aunty?

Aunty Nike: You become a wife in your heart through your preparations and dispositions.

Deborah: Aunty, no confuse me with grammar o. (don’t get me confused with bogus words’)

Aunty Nike: It is very simple. The question is ‘are you a wife material?’ Are you prepared? Every man is looking for a wife material, not a girl.

Deborah: Aunty, I am not a girl. I am twenty-six

Aunty Nike: It is not about age. You can be thirty-five and yet not be a wife material…still a girl in your dispositions.

Deborah: Dispositions?

Aunty Nike: The way you think, which informs the way you act.

Deborah: Aunty, I need to get married fast, I am getting miserable

Aunty Nike: And after marriage, the misery will fly away? To far-far-away kingdom?

Deborah: Yes now, with a husband by my side.

Aunty Nike: You are not yet a wife material.

Deborah: Aunty, which one now, you wan curse me? (You want to curse me?)

Aunty Nike: I am not cursing you, I am telling you who you are, you are still a girl and you are not yet ready to be found.

Deborah: How?

Aunty Nike: What is the definition of a wife?

Deborah: A woman who is married.

Aunty Nike: That is dictionary definition; give me biblical definition.

Deborah: I no be pastor, Aunty (I am not a Pastor)

Aunty Nike: ok. A wife is not just a married woman, but a married woman who is a help-meet. A wife is to complete her husband. She is coming with something on the table, not just coming to get! When you say you need a husband because you are feeling miserable, what you need to know is that marriage will not remove the misery; it will only make you a married miserable woman and probably drag the man into misery as well.

Deborah: Aunty, I don hear! (I have heard)

Aunty Nike: You better hear!

Deborah: At least, I won’t be lonely again…all those nights I spend alone hugging my poor pillow…

Aunty Nike: There you go again. You are still a girl.

Deborah: Something is wrong with that statement again?

Aunty Nike: Everything is wrong with it.

Deborah: Tell me, Aunty.

Aunty Nike: Marriage does not solve the problem of loneliness. It solves the problems of aloneness. God told Adam, it is good for man to be alone, not lonely…

Deborah: I don’t get…

Aunty Nike: There are many married people who are very lonely. Due to selfishness, ignorance, pride, and unforgiving spirit…

Deborah: Na wa o…make person no kuku marry now… make I just find one man wey go giv me pikin na… (This is serious. Maybe I should not get married then. Will just have a kid from a man)

Aunty Nike: There you go again; you are a girl. I know why you have not been found.

Deborah: See, Aunty, I have been praying and fasting…

Aunty Nike: That is not the first thing you need. What you need to do first, is to renew your mind with God’s word daily and read a lot of good books to prepare for marriage. Get on KHC and devour those devotionals!

Deborah: Aunty, fasting, and praying is important. I even go to the mountains to do dry fasting.

Aunty Nike: After you fast and pray, the man shows up, and then you drive him away with your ‘girlish’ attitudes and dispositions!

Deborah: Aunty!

Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife first. You need knowledge. A man of knowledge increases strength! You need to be informed and be prepared. You need to understand what marriage is. You need to know that marriage is not just a contract but a covenant.

Deborah: How do I do all that?

Aunty Nike: Renew your mind by reading God’s word daily. Follow KHC devotionals daily and learn all you can learn. Be prepared. Become a wife in your heart, not by offering sex to keep a man.

Deborah: No sex, Aunty?

Aunty Nike: None of that until after marriage!

Deborah: So how do I test what I am going for?

Aunty Nike: Another reason you have not been found. If anybody finds you like this, he is a boy, not a man, and he is looking for fun, not commitment!

Deborah: So how do I test if we are compatible?

Aunty Nike: Oh, since you have been testing, where has it gotten you? And what is your standard for compatibility? And after testing, how do you know if he is compatible or not? And if he is not, you look for the next man to sleep with? How many people will you keep on testing for compatibility? You will just discover one day you are fifty and you are still testing!

Deborah: Aunty, don’t be harsh.

Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife, dear. The scripture cannot be broken. It is ‘he that findeth a wife… It is better to trust God for direction rather than turn yourself to a testing ground.

Deborah: It is well

Aunty Nike: Go get books to read. Get a mentor to take you through. Read your Bible daily. Then pray for direction. God will surely help you. You will be found. The man will not only be handsome, but he will also be so anointed to the teeth! When he smiles, you will fall under the anointing!

Deborah: Aunty!!!

I will be found by the right man

Lord, make me a wife

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22 NLT)

Read books on marriage

Psalms 100-101


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