How we communicate is very vital. What is being said is important, but how it’s been said is equally important. A brother once had a dream, in the dream, he saw that each time we speak to our spouse harshly, it is like using a stick with many thorns to beat them.
How true this is. Harsh words will only breed hatred, bitterness, suspicion, rejection and more bitterness.
In the beginning, God gave man His presence, work, His Word, to cultivate (the woman), and to provide for her.
A man not in the presence of God, cannot have His word, and of course, cannot nurture his wife with the words God gave him.
You have to be able to pass across divine instructions in such a way that it is followed and obeyed by the wife. I think with each instruction, the man should also consciously ask for the wisdom and Holy Spirit’s help in passing it across and communicate it with his wife
There is always a way or method or wisdom given by the Holy spirit that will best suit your wife of husband as the case maybe.
In 1 Sam 16:1-3, we saw Samuel asked by God to go and anoint a king in the house of Jesse. He said, how can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me. He didn’t jump off with the word of the Lord. He waited and asked God for a way to present it.
Husbands, wives, let us not always run off with the word of the Lord or a word from God. Ask how to communicate it to your wife or husband.
1Sam 16:2 KJV And the Lord said, Take an heifer with thee, and say, I am come to sacrifice to the Lord.’
God taught him how to present the matter.
We will continue on this same topic tomorrow. We will look at saying it in love.
God bless your marriage. CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be distracted in the race of life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused and consistent
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. “God’s Decree. “I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you “–– God’ s Decree––” bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. (Jeremiah 29:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Thank God for where you are now in the race of life
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 28-31; Psalm 18
I have had people tell me that their husbands are too jealous, too jealous for their liking. The wives complain that this action is irritating. Well, I have come to know that if husbands are made to feel insecure, they become suspicious and may become overly jealous.
A husband is jealous because he loves and is not sure of the wife’s commitment into the relationship. When a husband is jealous or feels threatened, he begins to ask suspicious questions, snoops around, acts like a detective, scroll around the wife’s phone and does all sorts.
A husband and wife that has been away all day and hardly talk when they come home at night, gives room for such. The husband begins to feel, he is just there. No meaningful communication.
When there is no communication adequately, there is room for all kinds of unhealthy thoughts. Husbands and wives as a matter of fact must talk about everything. That is why whatever may prevent adequate communication should be avoided. The wife and husband should avoid bitterness of any sort, by talking about hurts immediately.
The issue of submission is also important. When a wife is not submissive to her husband, it gives him the opportunity to be jealous. If a wife does not adequately defer to her husband, it makes him insecure and threatened. He is insecure of his role as the husband.
A husband can take anything but if anything threatens his position as the rightful husband, he can’t take it.
The role of the wife is to always make her husband feel secured as the husband and the head of the home. She should defer to him in everything. She should feed his ego and give him his place as the head of the union between them.
She should defer to her in terms of finances, her job, her friends, her dressing, her looks, her family member, and everything in general. If your husband is not comfortable with something or someone, then let it be over with that thing, until he says it is okay.
This is a simple way to avoid problems at home and make your husband feel secure. As the wife, you have to protect him. Protect his interest and his ideals. I know of a woman who has a multinational company. By that, it means she would be in control of money, power and people. Normally, any husband married to her should feel threatened.
It is the place of the wife to make her husband feel secured. That is exactly what this woman did. The husband is so secured and contended. She placed her husband first before anyone and anything. That’s the way it should be.
I know there are some very difficult husbands and very overly jealous. How do you handle such? Well, I believe the same thing goes for every kind of husband. You make them feel secured until they feel over secured.
You cannot make your husband feel secured if you don’t talk to him. You must make communication a matter of priority. Your talking to him, means you defer to him by default. You tell him everything and ask him everything.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I defer to my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY God help me to do the right things
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 31:28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her.
The Bible says husbands should enjoy the wife of their youth. This means you should enjoy yourself while you have strength as young couples. Don’t be too serious at home and learn to live together as best friends.
The force of joy is very vital in the home front. Joy, celebration, thanksgiving, rejoicing, the sound of melody, praises, and worship to God all go hand in hand.
Psa 67:5-6, KJV Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.
We are encouraged in this scripture to praise the Lord, then our earth; whatever it is that represents the earth to us will yield her increase. Whether barrenness, lack, joblessness, debt, et cetera
The logical thing to do is get moody when things are not working. But we operate from a higher level. We rejoice to get the increase.
Your boss, spouse, or colleague may be treating you badly. Rather than fight back, you switch into praise.
Receive Grace and strength to enter into praise. God inhabits your praise. Your praise invites God to fight on your behalf.
Php 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let nothing steal your joy. Let your rejoicing be in the Lord
Don’t allow the pressure of finances, raising children, in-laws and others destabilize your togetherness and joy.
Nothing must come in between your joy. Between the two of you, one person will be more playful and tend towards being joyful all the time.
Let the playful one take the initiative and the other follows suit.
The Holy Spirit knows what He’s saying when He says enjoy the wife of your youth.
Be deliberate in making each other happy. Do not make others outside your home or marriage happy at the expense of your spouse.
Read books together and discuss them. Invest in each other.
I pray your marriage will be beautiful and filled with new wine.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FORTHE DAY I love my spouse and we enjoy life together
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help us to be joyful always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ecc 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Rejoice and enjoy yourself
The issue of honor in marriage is critical. A marriage where there is no honor is no order. The wife does what she likes and the husband does what he likes. The marriage is not governed by any rules. Christ is not at the center of the home.
We must understand that God instituted marriage. He is the one who said it is not good that man be alone.
He has an original plan and purpose for all marriages. Each marriage is unique. Each home has its own unique pattern. Each marriage has its own unique place in the heart of the Father.
Honor is thus a way to invite the Lordship of Jesus Christ into our lives.
Couples must learn the honor code at all cost. Without honor, nothing will work in the home.
Here are three major areas you honor your spouse
1. Honour your spouse by giving preference to Jesus in your marriage
Giving preference to Jesus is giving Him the leadership in your home. Let Him take the lead. It is seeking to find out what Jesus would do in every situation.
2. Making sure that the marriage works.
It includes doing everything possible to see that you forgive yourselves.
3. Making sure that you are patient with each other.
Everything in marriage has two sides to it.
In anger, calm down.
May God bless our marriages!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will honor my spouse daily
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused on you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 2:2 (MSG) I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery.
In today’s devotional we’ll be looking at pleasing your spouse without dishonoring God, let’s take note of the following, they are not exhaustive.
Do whatever your spouse loves Learning about love languages is not just for learning sake. It is so that you begin to do those things you discovered they love and enjoy. You must seek to become an intentional spouse and lover.
Loving your spouse by speaking their love language may not come naturally to you. You have to make efforts in pleasing your spouse. That’s when love comes with it being a choice, a decision, and a sacrifice.
Seek wisdom Marriage is an institution where wisdom is required to be successful in it. Don’t ever assume you are a guru in understanding your spouse.
Some have made this mistake only to be awaken to the rude shock that their spouse have not really being happy for decades. That’s when the spouse seeks divorce after so many years and people are wondering what happened.
Seeking wisdom on various issues in your marriage is very vital. Read books about marriage. Hear veterans in the marriage institution talk and counsel you.
Learn male / female differences God is a God of variety and multiplicity. As different as there are people, cultures, languages, food, nations, so wide are the differences between male and female.
Until you learn about these differences, you cannot fully understand or enjoy the uniqueness in the differences between you and your spouse.
Get a mentor
The place of a mentor in your marriage is very crucial. There are some things you should learn not by experience but by the wisdom of those who have gone ahead of you.
You don’t have to learn through mistakes. Sometimes the mistake might be too costly. Avoid that route of heart ache and head ache.
Get good mentors, seek their wisdom, listen to them, learn from them and obey their advice, their wisdom will help you in pleasing your spouse.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have understanding
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, bless my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 44:7 (KJV) But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.
In today’s couples‘ devotionals, we will be looking at commandments for all wives on KHC. These “commandments” and principles will be the game changer in your marriage.
1. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, thou shalt love Him and thou shall ensure your relationship with God is intact. Thou shall know that is it is not by power, nor by might but by His Spirit. Thou shall know that it is not about thy beauty, thy carriage, thy acumen, thy intelligence or connections, but by the Lord thy God which helpeth thee.
2. Thou shall not double date. If thou double date, thou shall not have God’s support and favor in thy marriage. Thou shall not play games with your life or destiny. Thou shall not slow thyself down by deliberate disobedience to God’s way of doing things.
3. Thou shall not love another man apart from thy husband. Thou shall not secretly fall in love with another man either in thy heart or reality. Thou shall not practice emotional affairs. Thou shall only love and defer to thy husband for that is where the Lord commandeth His blessings. Thou shall not do anything that will render thy prayers ineffective.
4. If thou art delayed in the area of childbirth, thou shall not because of that compromise or look for other ‘alternatives’ Thou shall know that God has a plan for thy life and that waiting and trusting for that plan is the best to do. Thou shall know and believe that the thoughts of God towards you are thoughts of peace and not of evil.
5. Thou shall not succumb to the pressures at work. In your environment or from those that thou callest friends, thou shall stand as a rock and refuse to be moved. In all that thou puttest thy hands to do, thou shall make up thine mind to do it God’s way.
6. Thou shall not disrespect thy husband. Thou shall defer to him in all things in the Lord, thou shall honour him, and treat him as your head and crown. Thou shall know that if thou disrespect him whom God has set as your head, thou will not be able to enter into the fullness of the blessing that God hath for you.
7. Thou shall not nag thy husband. This is the seventh commandment. Thou shall understand that thou can send thy husband away from thy home when you become contentious.
8. Thou shall not deny thy husband Jeru trip. Thou shall not pretend to have headache or fever when thy husband toucheth you. Thou shall know that thy husband will never be able to love you the way he should if you denieth him at most times. Thou shall not use Jeru trip as a punishment or reward!
9. Thou shall not offer thy body to another man. Thou shall know that that thy body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and God seeth it as sacred. Thou shall hold thy body in dignity and good self- esteem. Thou shall not offer your body in exchange for money. Thou shall not travel to see another man I the name of ‘business.
10. Thou shall learn to dress for your husband at home because he is moved by sight. Thou shall dress well for thy husband. Thou shall understand that a man is moved by sight.
I know there are still a lot more, so you may add other commandments that resonates with you with the comment form.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be or aspire to be a good woman and wife. I obey God’s commandments
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask God to mould you into the picture of the woman He has for you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:1-4 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide on steps to take to be the woman that God really wants
Good morning, married folk out there. God bless your marriage. God is committed until your marriage becomes all it has the potential to become.
Your marriage can work out beautifully well. You can enjoy and have that dream marriage you always desire. Don’t for once ever feel it can never happen.
If you believe it can never happen, gosh, you just announced it won’t happen. Don’t give up, but be willing and obedient to do and give your marriage all it takes to make it work.
You know married couples should begin to have this attitude of ‘my marriage is personal and I got to make it work’.
You know while growing up, my dad will always say this proverb, ‘ as you lay your bed, so you will lie on it’. Then, I would wonder, why is he worried about how I lay my bed?
I don’t care about how my bed is, once I hit the bed, I don’t have enough time to notice how it is, I just sleep.
Later, I realized it’s not just about my physical bed, but it’s about life generally. Talking about our physical bed, it’s very good to learn to make our beds well and train our kids to do so too.
Someone said, laying your bed before leaving the house every morning gives you a sense of achievement. It may look small, but somewhere in your sub-conscious you feel good, you have at least a good, well laid bed…lol
For us married, the bed is also very important.
Heb 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
My husband will jokingly say, the bed is the most important furniture to the couple. I want to agree with that.
The bed is the legalized furniture for love making. Of course not the only furniture, several others have joined in the quest for ‘orgasmic’ love making.
Now, talking about focusing on your marriage, you have to decide what you want your marriage to look like. No doubt there are a lot of factors that may want to stand against this but you have to stand your ground. Stand your ground to live a worthy legacy for your children and generation yet unborn.
Focus on your marriage to make it work at all cost and against all odds. Lay the bed on your marriage well, so you can enjoy all the beauty in your own marriage. Lean all the principles you need to learn, drop all bad habits you need to drop. Break all pride, cockiness, selfishness, deception and let your own marriage work.
If you are separated, decide what you want, walk with God and let him show you what next to do. Whichever way, God loves you and still wants the very best for you.
How to focus on your own marriage
1. Focus on yourself You are a vital part of that marriage. Discover yourself. Who are you? What are your desires, what makes you come alive, what makes you enjoy living? Love yourself. Be a happy you.
2. Focus on your spouse As a married person, the most important human being on earth is your spouse. Begin to treat him /her as such. Let nothing absolutely come in between that. Let the whole world know, your spouse is so important to you.
Some people treat their wives like ‘one kobo’ and expect her to treat them like ‘ a million dollar’, it ain’t gonna work that way.
Seize every opportunity to let everyone know this one human being is number one on your list.
3. Focus on God Now, it will be very foolish to want to focus on yourself and spouse and leave God out. It can not work. God is the center that holds the pieces all together. God is the vital force that crowns all our efforts with success.
4. Focus on your strength You have strengths. Whether it’s your beauty, your home making skills, your intellect, your being jovial, whatever it is, focus on it. It’s your selling point in your marriage. Don’t let go of your strong points.it is what will make your spouse keep coming back to you.
5. Focus on minimizing your weaknesses Don’t ever make the mistake of pretending your weaknesses don’t exit. Don’t ignore them. Your weaknesses have the potential of destroying the marriage you are building, so destroy your weaknesses before they ever destroy your marriage.
6. Focus on satisfying yourselves Why should you spend your energy, time, money on trying to please or satisfy another man’s wife? That’s called wastage.
Don’t go into an unprofitable venture. Ask yourself, if I satisfy her, how does it add to me or make my own marriage better?
Tend your own garden. When it’s harvest time, you won’t go and harvest on another man’s farm. It is not your own, so focus and build your own marriage.
Pro 12:11 He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.
God bless you and bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to embrace your love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isa 49:16 (GW) I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls are always in my presence.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Focus on your marriage BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Matthew 4; Luke 4 – 5
We will be looking at communication during love making. By communication, I mean both verbal and non-verbal communication. During love making, should there be talking? Or it should be as silent as a graveyard?
Another question is, should the room or any where you choose be dark, poorly lighted or fully lighted? That another question we will be looking at today.
All these questions are what you may be asking or is on your mind and we will together throw more light on them.
Well, your comments will be highly appreciated and welcome. Let’s know what happens in the ‘other room’. This can help another couple out there.
In my opinion what happens in ‘the other room’ is as the couples want it. However, being rigid to a particular mould is what may not be too good for the marriage. In my own marriage, we do more of non verbal communication to verbal.
Because our foreplay is usually very long (I strongly recommend this for couples except for quickies). We delight ourselves in each other during foreplay, where we get to explore our bodies. This time, we are free to talk, play and tease ourselves. But during intercourse, we don’t talk much, but a lot of moans! And then we also talk after.
My husband feels (and I agree with him because it works for us,) that talking breaks his flow and concentration. We like to savour every moment. It helps us enjoy each other more. That may be entirely different with you! Talking may just be your trigger!
Some people believe all kinds of dirty talks are allowed and that it is those dirty talks that make them reach orgasm. Let’s have your view.
For the second question, do you like it pitch dark, partially or fully lighted?
I remember when we were newly married, I used to like it when the lights are off. That was when I was shy. But I am no longer particular after I have been married for twenty-two years.
My husband has always liked it when the light are on. And his explanation was simple, “Don’t you know that men are moved by sight?”
As I said earlier, variety is the spice of marriage. We have the lights on now and sometimes, partially lighted.
Let’s hear your opinion. What is going on in your own marriage?
I am waiting for your responses.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse unconditionally
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 5:19 (ESV) As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss with your spouse based on the topic of today
Talking about gratitude or being grateful, I think every couple should be overly grateful to their spouse. Not only is it for the woman to be grateful but also for the man. We all owe ourselves a lifetime of gratitude.
If not for anything, that he/she married you. You know how difficult it could be, being married to you. The times you threw tantrums, the times you were ‘mad’ (literally), the time you did not understand yourself, the time you were under pressure, the time you were in debt, the time when you were sick and all these times your spouse stood with and by you.
I think we all should throw a gratitude party and make our spouses the special guest of honour.
But instead, what do we have? A grateful wife and a complaining husband. I think we all should repent. If only we could change roles we would see that it has not been easy.
If the woman changes roles and becomes the man for a while and the man becomes the woman, we would appreciate our spouses more. The truth is that there is a lot of work in being either of the spouses. Let no one blow his/her own trumpet.
But I want to shed more light on how the wife can use gratitude as a weapon to win the battles on the home front. Well not really battles but more of confrontations.
All women have the tendencies to nag and complain. There are so many things the wife wants to change in her husband. She’s an emotional relational being and so sees all the wrong things her husband does.
The route of complaining and nagging will never work. If anything, it will make your husband battle-ready. The role of the wife is that of influence. Before you can adequately influence, you must have accepted him.
Acceptance comes with praise, gratitude, and thanksgiving. Be grateful first for the hundred thousand before complaining that he didn’t give you a million. Be grateful for the trash he threw out even though he didn’t mow the grass.
I can give so many examples and show us many opportunities we have to be grateful for. As a wife, let gratitude be your daily weapon. Let no day pass without you being grateful. Look for something to be grateful for and do it enthusiastically.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will love for my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me more wisdom and grace in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh–flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose–– don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore (Proverbs 5:18-20 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to settle all quarrels amicably
Men’s need for respect is almost top of the list. Every man, your husband inclusive need a high dose of it.
Women who know their onions and wish to make a success of this journey called marriage, must learn how to give it.
Respect must be given on the husband terms, not on your own terms.
Some wives even try to resist offering respect to their husbands or only give it when he is well behaved on their terms. Every wife should know that the man is naturally a fighter. You put up a fight, he gives you in doses you never expect.
In the bible, we read about an exceptional, unforgettable lady by name of Abigail. She was so unforgettable that King David couldn’t keep her off her mind until her husband died and he married her. Abigail’s secret virtue was simple. She was respectful.
She knows how to use her words to encourage in a very respectful way. In her conversation with David when Nabal, Abigail’s husband acted foolishly, she called him ‘Lord’ fourteen times.
I mean that is huge. She kept calling him ‘lord’. She even prophesied about David becoming king. I believe when you are giving respectful encouragement, God will even put prophecies in your mouth like normal conversations.
The world is already full of discouraging words, which your husband has heard all day long. He needs to come home, to a haven, a resting place of peace where the wife showers him with positive words.
Let every woman on this platform make a new commitment to be the number one cheerleader and encourager of her husband. Don’t worry about the words to use, God will honor your commitment and give you utterance.
And I believe your husband will see your efforts and also appreciate it. But if he doesn’t, don’t worry, God is a rewarder and He will reward you.
You can ask your husband to tell you in what ways you need to show respect to him. What are the things you do that are disrespectful to him and what are the little gestures you can do that mean a lot of respect to him?
May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my husband’s best encourager.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for wisdom to know the right words to use that show respect to my husband.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 (MSG) The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
The issue of in-laws is a very important one. If you have in-laws and they live in the town where you live, proximity should be handled with care.
In laws ought to wish their children the best at least to the best of their knowledge.
I believe it is best before marriage to prepare your heart to accommodate your in-laws in a cordial relationship. It is also good to accept them for who they are.
I am so blessed, when it comes to my in laws. My father, brother and sisters in law are so warm, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Both in laws live in another town from us and it’s a blessing (although it has its own disadvantages).
So when some of our married couples begin to say their issues about in-laws I just wonder. Nonetheless, it’s an issue that affects our home and marriage and so has to be addressed.
Here are some helpful hints.
1. It is wrong to discuss your spouse with your parents and in-laws.
2. Getting in touch and staying in touch has to be done by the couple at both ends.
3. If an in-law has to stay with you, it has to be your joint consent. If your spouse is not in agreement, you have to pray about it. Until there is consent, don’t go ahead.
4. If your in-laws need financial support (brother or sister) you should decide together how much you will give.
5. It is your responsibility to send financial support to your parents and in-laws every month or otherwise as the case may be.
6. In the event that a sick parent or in-law has to stay with you, you must give your wife all the support she needs, emotional, physical and financial. Make her comfortable taking care of them.
7. Don’t let any in-law come in between you. You are married and nothing should change that.
8. In case you are parents in waiting, don’t allow the pressures of your in laws to tear you apart.
9. No one should encroach on your privacy. Don’t allow or permit it. You are married to your spouse.
10. You must put your foot down when it comes to protecting your spouse. But you also need the wisdom of God. So make sure you pray for wisdom and God’s help.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God strengthens you to make the right decisions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Hosea 14:4 I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.
Married couples, your marriage vows are very sacred and needs to be kept as such. Extramarital affairs should be avoided at all costs. Marriage should be held in high esteem and the bed must remain undefiled.
We should always make sure we fulfill our roles as married couples. Marriage is for companionship, where both parties stay and stick with each other no matter what.
The chief culprit in developing extra-marital affairs is when either of the party is not a real companion. Real companionship is not just about pictures all over social media.
Issues in marriage don’t have to be left unaddressed. These issues start like ordinary and minor issues. The devil does not attack us at full force all at once. He introduces his attacks in subtle ways.
Every married couple needs a marriage counselor or a mentor, where these issues are addressed.
Extramarital affairs start when we try to meet marital needs outside of the sanctity of marriage. You should never be close to any opposite sex other than your wife or husband.
An attempt to do that is looking for trouble. Don’t ever put yourself into a tight corner. The devil usually set up certain atmosphere for adultery.
I know there are different situations. I have heard of rape cases or situations where the lady was drugged. That’s why it’s good to pray and commit our ways into God’s hands and be led by the Holy Spirit.
The truth is that extramarital relationships are not worth it. The Bible says that stolen waters is sweet but in the end, it’s like gravel in the mouth. Work on your own marriage no matter what.
I know that there are some extreme cases where the husband or wife is so impossible and there’s just a yearning for love and companionship. Just hold on, pray, seek help and trust God will sort it out rather than seek pleasures outside. You will yet smile again.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not have extramarital affairs
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father help me to stand faithful
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 86:11 (KJV) Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Avoid all forms of extramarital affairs
READ THROUGH THE BIBLE IN ONE YEAR 2 Samuel 16 – 18
Gen 2:25 (AMP) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have been married for three years. Blessed with two vibrant princes, their family seems ideal, observing it from the external.
They seem to have everything going for them, good jobs, good pay, nice car, wonderful apartment, yearly vacation, and more goodies anybody would pray for…except for one thing…Mrs. Johnson is unhappy and her energy for “family” is fast ebbing out.
The only reason she is unhappy is because of her handsome husband, the man has changed! Or so it seemed. He doesn’t talk again, he internalizes, makes decisions alone, and acts like his wife has no brain!
This treatment, deliberate or not, can be debilitating for the woman in the house with attendant consequences that are as varied as they could be dangerous.
Now can I tell you in one swoop why keeping secrets within marriage can be very unwise?
It is just this: There is no secret you keep that will not be found out.
It is better for you to open up yourself rather than for your loved one to find out. When they find out themselves, it will erode trust. The devil will capitalise on that, harass their minds and tell them there are more things you are keeping away. Once this happens, it affects everything, even your prayers!
Take a look:
Mar 4:22 (KJV) For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.
So, it will be brought open eventually, you wouldn’t want him or her to be the one bringing it to open!
Why would a guy marry a lady only for her to find out later that he already had a child somewhere? I feel that is unfair, really.
Why would couples hide phone messages from each other? I cannot fathom that! Really!
You are married, for God’s sake!
There are some things we might have picked up from cultural affinities, but culture is not scripture!
There are some things we might have picked up from parents, but observation is not revelation!
Why would you build a house in town without your wife’s knowledge? You see there is a difference between marriage and bondage!
Your spouse is given unto you to help you, unless you want to say God is lying, and you know that is not possible.
When you hide stuffs from each other, you have snuffed out the life out of your helper! He or she would become a frustration, almost a hell rather than help! That will not be your portion!
She is going to definitely react to that, and there are some reactions that can be far too much that the whole family is set on edge!
It is even more terrible to now see that what you don’t discuss with your spouse at home is freely discussed with some lover out there!
Yes, I know there could be the possibility of being disappointed by your loved one when you trusted her with some information in the past, but you see marriage is about learning and growing together.
The solution is not always to move away, hide or cut off from the one you are in covenant with but to grow together.
Couples need to understand that the information you are entrusted with should not be found out there with some close friends or even your parents.
Do not allow anybody to put a wedge between you and your loved one!
Eph 4:25 (MSG) What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.
Be open to each other. Don’t hide things from each other. It will bring healing. It will bring freedom. It will erase suspicions. It will build trust.
Yes, I know there might be some difficulty in opening up, not because you want to keep secrets but because that is the way you have been brought up or probably what you observed from your parents. That can be valid.
But its validity is not an excuse in any way. What you must strive to do is to get better everyday, keep learning and keep making adjustments in other to have a good life and be able to raise a great family.
Men, God has entrusted a lot of responsibility into your hands and you cannot fail God. God has made you the head that the whole family might see through you because the eyes are located in the head. You are to give them light and lead them in God’s way.
One day, you will actually become a grand dad! And you really want to be proud of the dynasty that God will raise through you if Christ tarries.
Your role as a man or husband is an assignment from God. Lives are entrusted into your hands and I pray for you this morning that you will not fail God.
Sincerity is not stupidity. Being open does not translate to vulnerability. Being open is strength because it will strengthen your marriage!
Keeping secrets can be a strength when it is not kept from your spouse.
This is how to know if there is a big problem: You can keep secrets from your spouse, but you cannot keep it from those outside! Now, that really needs some attention and counseling!
I pray that God will open your eyes the more and help you to make necessary adjustments in Jesus’ name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am open to my loved one. I will not hide things from him/her
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
I receive grace to be sincere
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mar 4:22 (MSG) We’re not keeping secrets, we’re telling them; we’re not hiding things, we’re bringing them out into the open.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read books on how to be a good spouse
Yes, we need to take foreplay to another level. It is very possible to enjoy the other room in marriage
Foreplay is so relaxing, soothing, and rejuvenating. After such a tiring day, there is nothing as good as good love-making preceded by good foreplay.
I like the fact that it is therapeutic in nature. The release of hormones makes it a good medicine and it is also a good exercise.
I know some marriedcouples don’t have it as good. So I would like to address both husband and wife.
First, to those who are not really enjoying or having it regularly.
Whatever issue is causing you not to have regular love-making is demonic and an attack from the pit of hell. You cannot be married and be sleeping in different rooms. It’s simply unacceptable.
Such things as he snores, she snores, he has body odour or she has body odour are not enough reasons to abandon your spouse. What matters is that you are married, you two have become one flesh and nothing should separate you.
It is abnormal for a guy not to have it with his wife when he is not sick. For a man, it is more of releasing tension. Without regularity, he can’t really function as he should.
So see whatever is preventing you from having it in marriage as an attack. Address it ruthlessly. Don’t say you can handle it or you don’t care. Divorce and adultery are the consequences of such neglect.
If you have to plan it and do like a timetable, do it. The fire must never go down in the bedroom. When the fire goes down in the bedroom, the whole home catches fire.
It should be regular. For a very busy couple at least once or twice a week is okay.
To those of us who are enjoying it, we should try to improve. There is always room for improvement. Find creative ways to satisfy each other.
Take your foreplay to another level. Spend time with each other. Explore each other’s bodies. A healthy love life makes you more productive, more relaxed, and more focused. You will be more coordinated.
Create the right atmosphere that will make you enjoy yourself. If you can get away, plan it out. Go to a hotel or a resort center just by yourself. Just like we do sometimes. Leave the children with someone reliable and take time out to enjoy yourselves. When you come back, you will be refreshed and more relaxed than before you went.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I give myself to my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help us in this area of life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Co 6:16 (MSG) (paraphrased)There’s more to it than mere skin on skin. It is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.”
Have you ever been unresponsive to your husband’s playful advances? I have been several times. That was before I learned that part of my role as a wife is to be responsive to him and to be his playmate every time and any time.
Do I respond every time? No. I still consider my husband playful and don’t join, thankfully we have three boys who can play with him.
My husband sometimes considers me as being too serious. I never grew up with a sanguine in the house so having fun was not a regular thing. We were quiet in our family and our idea of fun was little laughter here and there.
My husband is not so much of a Sanguine but his Choleric tendencies have made him an extrovert at least to me. He seems quiet when he wants to but when he is in his rhyme, he really wants to talk and play.
Sometimes he wants to play, sing *winks*, be funny, talks, disturb me and all the rest. He is just full of energy and he wants to release some.
The one thing that men don’t leave behind from being boys is playing and having fun. They love to have fun and as their wives, you have to learn to have fun with them.
You may be pushing your husband out to look for a playmate. You must learn to be jovial. Be responsive to his jokes. Laugh with him. Laugh at him. Your role as his wife is not to stop him from playing, it is to play with him.
Don’t stop him from watching his football games or any other games, join him in. Don’t be too busy for him. I know you have a lot to do especially when you don’t have help. The idea is to let your husband occupy the first place and every other thing will find its place.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my husband’s playmate
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Help me Lord to cast my care upon you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be responsive to your husband’s play and jokes.
I will continue from where I stopped yesterday. We have been looking at different types of stressors and how we can avoid them. How these stressors cause stress and strain in our relationship with our spouse.
We looked yesterday at how unforgiveness can be a sources of unhappiness in marriage. It can cause a lot of tension between couples.
Today, we are moving on to
8. Not being open and transparent.
Marriage is translated H.O.T, honest, open and transparent. Husband and wife should be naked and not ashamed.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:25 KJV There should be no shame whatsoever between husband and wife. If both understand their position in covenant and how God sees them.
There should be zero inhibitions. We should be 100%/vulnerable to each other
It is very stressful when as husband and wife you censor what you have to say, walk as though on an egg shelf, hide, be secretive, tell packaged truth, sometimes tell little lies, structured lies, and all manner and shades of lies.
It is frustrating to have a spouse who is always suspecting you.
I want us to know that the devil is at the root of every kind of suspicion. If this is happening in our marriage, God will grant us victory and every storm will cease in Jesus name.
The devil hates marriage and unity between husbands and wives. This kind of stress can cause strain on the marital union. It could be handled by both husband and wife working together correcting their wrongs and trusting God for the covenant of oneness to be appropriated in their lives and marriage.
9. Unrealistic expectations.
These are the things we expect from our spouse which cut across as being over the board or giving the present situation may be difficult to meet.
Our spouse should try and they are under obligations to meet our needs. But there are some needs that are not humanly possible.
This usually happens when either of the spouses is selfish and inconsiderate. If for example the husband or the wife already has a particular mould he/she wants for his spouse and then try to force the spouse into that mould. That will be an unrealistic expectation.
This is capable of causing frustration. I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on these stressors by God’s grace.
May God grant us the spirit of forgiveness to all that has offended us in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
We are continuing on our series, how married couples should handle stress in their marriage. We are looking at different stressors, especially those that are self-induced, and how to handle them.
We have looked at the following:
1. Financial pressure
2. Dealing with in-laws
3. Comparison traps
4. Doing beyond ourselves
5. Not minding our own business
6. Not being able to say No.
And today,
7. Being unforgiving to our spouse.
One of the most important ingredients in having a happy marriage is when couples forgive each other quickly.
The bible is so clear on the issue of forgiveness and also tells us he dangers of unforgiveness.
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 NLT
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 NLT
When you release an offence you open the prison doors. Unforgiveness puts us in a prison that puts stress in our marriages
To err is human and to forgive is divine. When we forgive our spouse, we invite divinity and all that heaven has to offer. We invite peace, joy, and prosperity.
When we allow unforgiveness, no matter how grievous the offense, we give place to the devil and all that is associated to him.
If anyone is walking in unforgiveness, I urge us to please forgive. Let go and let God. God is not just asking us to close our eyes to the offense, he is asking us to give Him the pain and hurt of the offenses
He says vengeance belongs to Him.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19 KJV
God wants to work our vengeance for us in a most beautiful way. He want to compensate us. Most of the time when we avenge ourselves, we don’t compensate the hurt. That’s what God wants to do.
The issue of forgiveness is so big that we can either ruin our lives and lives of our children by not forgiving our spouse.
Families that were once cordial have been separated by the spirit of unforgiveness. Couples who were once loving have been set apart through unforgiveness. Children have become victims of their parent’s unforgiveness.
I understand that it is very tough when your spouse does such grievous and demeaning things. Yet we must let God be true and every man a liar.
Forgive and see the unbelievable release of God’s power towards your marriage. It is almost like magic. It is a miracle.
God comes to defend you in ways you could never have imagined. Favor works for you, you enjoy peace, health, prosperity and the likes.
I will stop here today and continue on this topic of handling stress in marriage tomorrow by God’s grace.
May God grant us the spirit of forgiveness to all that has offended us in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate to people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
We are still continuing our series, how couples can handle stress in marriage. We have looked at different stressors and if handled well will never be a source of strain on our marital union.
Today, I will be addressing the issue of:
5. Not minding our business.
As easy as this may be for some of us by virtue of our background. It’s so difficult for some of us to simply mind our business.
It is interesting to know that every way we should live our lives as Christian couples is already addressed on the bible, either directly or indirectly.
The bible didn’t mince words when it told us not to be busybodies but to mind our own business.
Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. 2 Thessalonians 3:11 – 12 NLT
For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 2 Thessalonians 3:11 KJV
And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 1 Timothy 5:13
But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. 1 Peter 4:15 KJV
From the above scriptures, we can infer that those who are busybodies are idle not being productive with their time and that there is suffering meant for whoever practices being a busy body.
As a married person, you should have enough on your plate. Bills to pay, children to look after, spouse to take care of, a home to tend, prayers for your destiny to pray, self-development, business to start or improve, etc.
As couples, you should have enough to keep you busy. Just find work for yourself. An idle hand is the devils workshop.
It’s when you are not minding your business that you begin to give unsolicited advice, visit places you are not celebrated or wanted, gossip, and eventually bring undue curses over your life.
You leave your own issue and begin to dance around other people’s issues. You dissipate your energy, strength, and your focus. You become distracted with other people’s matters that you are not graced to solve.
You even become a judge over other peoples affairs that is none of your business.
You leave your home, children and spouse exposed while you busy yourself with issues that don’t concern you.
Desist from doing this and you will be focused on the home and marriage God has given you. You will also have greatly minimize stress in marriage.
6. Not being able to say ‘No’.
‘No’ is not a weak word neither does it show a sign of weakness or cowardice. It only means you are courageous enough to face the fact about your limitations.
Some people simply cannot say No. They lack the sense of judgement to differentiate between what they can do and cannot do.
Learn to say No and don’t feel bad about it. Some people by not being able to say No have entered the trap of the enemy. Don’t be sentimental about issues.
As couples, learn to say No if what you are asked to do violates your conscience. You are not under any obligation to please anyone. You are only under obligations to please God.
Learn to place your priorities right. For example, no one comes before your spouse in words, thoughts, and actions. Put God above all else, your spouse, your children, and then any other person.
Let your Yea, be Yea and your Nay be Nay.
I will stop here for today. Tomorrow is another day to join me as we continue on this very imprortant topic for married couples.
May God grant us understanding and give us wisdom to avoid stress in marriage.
God bless our marriage
.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I will be addressing the issue of how husbands and wives can handle stress in marriage thereby creating a more cordial and intimate atmosphere together.
I will be writing about this topic “Stress in marriage” for some days so let enjoy the ride together.
Yesterday I wrote on
1. Financial pressure
2. Handling in-laws
And today
3. Comparison trap
Bible tells us they that compare themselves with themselves are not wise.
In the NLT we have another translation:
Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with reaching other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! 2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT
It is clear from the scripture that end result of comparison is usually not palatable. Why is this? Because it is a futile effort. It is wasting precious resources of time and energy. There are no basis for comparison.
Some people compare their spouses, children, jobs, possessions, cars etc When you form the bad habit of comparing you compare everything and anything.
Everybody is uniquely different, on a uniquely different journey, on a different time table in life and destiny.
We are all from different background with different circumstances.
When you compare, you introduce stress into your marriage. It produces a strain in your relationship. So stop comparing.
4. Doing beyond our selves.
This is like stretching ourselves beyond what we could do naturally. We need to be true to ourselves. Being truthful and sincere to ourselves is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Where you know and accept your limits and you know your boundaries. You know the stage you are in, enjoy the stage not allowing anybody to push you beyond where you are.
Knowing what stage you are makes you aspire higher knowing that men are in sizes.
As couples, don’t forget we will all go through 3 stages on our married life. Seasons of not enough, Just enough and more than enough.
When you are in your season of ‘just enough’, don’t let people push you to doing like you are in more than enough season
I will stop here for today
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Stress can simply be defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
This definition helps us to understand that stress is a tension or strain and it could be mental or emotional. It could also be physical or spiritual.
Jesus talked about those who are weary and heavy laden
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NLT
Usually, since we are spirit beings, any strain on our spiritual life will have a way of impacting our whole being. Whatever affects our relationship with God affect the whole of our being.
Chief among the things that causes stress or strain on our relationship with God is sin.
So it’s possible, to have an unconfessed sin in your life and be doing through stress as a result.
Or maybe we fail to put our trust in God, or maybe we are walking in the flesh or not following the leading or guidance of the Holy spirit. All this causes us stress which will eventually cause a strain in our marriage.
A good example of this is when Abram and Sarah decided to get pregnant by Hagar and gave birth to Ishamel. There was so much strain and tension in the marriage.
Anger, strife, malice, not walking in love and all other works of the flesh also causes stress in marriage
There are some other stressors in marriage that are not as a result of sin but are the once we put on ourselves.
I will mention a few of them.
1. Financial pressure 2. Dealing with in-laws 3. Comparison 4. Doing beyond ourselves 5. Not minding our business 6. Not being able to say No 7. Being Unforgiving to our spouse 8. Not being open and transparent. 9. Unrealistic expectations 10. Ungratefulness
Now let’s handle these stressors one by name. To open our eyes to how these simple issues can bring about and cause a lot of stress to our marriage thereby causing a strain in our relationship with our loved one.
1. Financial pressures and not being able to manage our finances.
We know that money answereth all things
A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things. Ecclesiastes 10:19 KJV.
Our ability to cut our coat according to our cloth will go a long way to determine whether we will be putting a lot of stress on our marriage or not.
Delaying gratification, being able to save a little portion for the rainy day no matter his small, being prudent, living on a budget and not being sentimental are all very good virtues.
2. Dealing with in-laws.
This requires a lot of wisdom, tact, patience and working together with your spouse to make sure you are always together on the same page. The most important person in this equation is your spouse. The covenant of marriage places your spouse above your parents.
You honor your parents, bible is very clear about that but you also don’t dishonor your spouse for the sake of your parents or in-laws. There is no one answer fits all but whichever way, follow the bible and follow the Holy spirit guidelines.
There may be times you have to sacrifice beyond what you normally would have, if you are sure God is leading you, obey. God usually rewards such acts tremendously.
Let me stop here today. I will continue tomorrow by God grace.
May God grant us more understanding beyond this teaching.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
