In a successful marriage, communication and understanding each other’s needs are paramount. Here, we explore key reasons that might cause a wife to close up emotionally and ways to avoid such situations.
1. Neglecting Her Essential Needs
The Importance of Addressing Her Needs
One significant factor that can lead a wife to close up emotionally is the consistent neglect of her essential needs. When a husband overlooks these needs repeatedly, it can result in emotional hurt and a sense of not being truly loved.
Meeting Her Needs on Her Terms
To love your wife effectively, it’s crucial to understand and address her needs on her terms, not yours. Men and women often have distinct needs, and misinterpreting them based on personal perspectives can lead to misunderstandings.
A key aspect of meeting a wife’s needs involves prioritizing attention and quality time. Even though these might seem insignificant to the husband, they are important to her. Selflessness in understanding and fulfilling these needs can strengthen the emotional bond in a marriage.
2. Undermining Her Intelligence
The Impact of Belittling Behavior
Another reason that can prompt a wife to close up emotionally is making her feel stupid or dumb. This can manifest not only through explicit words but also in body language and dismissive attitudes toward her suggestions.
Embracing Her Role as a Helper
Acknowledging and appreciating the role of a wife as a helper is vital in maintaining a healthy marital relationship. Dismissing her ideas as “dumb” or “stupid” overlooks the potential value of her intuitive insights.
Recognizing the Power of Intuition
While a wife’s suggestions might not always align with logic, they often stem from intuition. Ignoring this intuition can lead to missed opportunities or unforeseen challenges. Understanding and valuing her intuitive insights can contribute positively to decision-making processes.
In conclusion, a successful marriage requires constant effort to understand and meet each other’s needs. Couples can foster a stronger emotional connection by avoiding neglect and degrading behavior, promoting a lasting and fulfilling partnership.
In a world filled with complexities, the tug-of-war between succumbing to sexual pressures and resisting its allure is an age-old struggle. Understanding the underlying reasons can empower you to make informed decisions. Let’s delve into the dual facets of desire and means that often fuel these pressures.
1. Desire: Embracing the Temptation
The first catalyst behind yielding to sexual pressures is desire. It emanates from an intense attraction, where the visual allure of the forbidden promises to satiate profound longings. The sin whispers promises of satisfaction, and the heart, captivated by what it sees, is enticed to take a plunge.
The second motivator is the perception of sex as a means to an end. It becomes a tool to resolve immediate need, be it financial, a pathway to promotion, a sought-after gift, or a form of retaliation. In this context, the pressure is not just a desire but a calculated move to fulfill a specific need.
Navigating the Dilemma: A Choice to Make
Whether driven by desire, means, or a blend of both, it’s crucial to recognize the pressure for what it is, an external force vying for your surrender. Remember, you are the arbiter of your decisions.
1 Corinthians 10:13 provides solace, affirming that no temptation is insurmountable. God, a steadfast ally, ensures you won’t be pushed beyond your limits. Despite being hard-pressed, you are not destroyed, for the divine within you surpasses worldly pressures.
Overcoming Pressure: A Decision Solely Yours
Drawing inspiration from the lives of Joseph and Samson, individuals with great destinies, we see divergent paths chosen when faced with sexual pressures.
Samson’s Regrettable Choice
Despite divine favor and a prophesied birth, Samson succumbed to the momentary delights of sin, forfeiting his destined greatness. His inability to master his desires led to a tragic detour.
Joseph’s Resolute Stand
In contrast, Joseph, lacking supernatural announcements, faced organized sexual pressures with determination. He chose to flee, recognizing the value of his destiny over momentary pleasures. His decisiveness and refusal to compromise became the pillars of his victory.
Mastering Sexual Pressures: A Proactive Approach
Joseph’s method is instructive, dealing with sexual pressures headlong. Make decisions that prioritize the future over fleeting pleasures. Mastering these pressures involves valuing your destiny, and preserving it at all costs.
A Prayer for Strength and Wisdom
In closing, let us seek divine grace, strength, wisdom, and courage to navigate the complex landscape of sexual pressures. May our choices not disappoint heaven, and may God establish and honor us as we stand firm against these pressures.
You will not miss your path, and in Jesus’ name, may you be established and honored by the divine.
As the couple faced the counseling table, every uttered word echoed frustration. The strain in their expressions laid bare their unhappiness, amplified by the financial chaos surrounding them, a depth of debts seemingly impervious to resolution.
Navigating Career Crossroads
Their finances were in a mess. They were neck-deep in debt and refused to move.
Their career choices seemed out of place, and their bank accounts were in a coma.
Struggling on the Health Front
Simultaneously, health issues compounded their challenges, casting a shadow over what should have been the best times of their lives. The hurdles seemed insurmountable, looming in every direction.
The Key to Overcoming Challenges in Marriage
In the labyrinth of marriage, What is that one thing that can bail you out irrespective of what you are facing?
Unveiling the Solution
In the face of adversities, regardless of their magnitude, there exists a way out. The scripture provides solace:
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1Co 10:13)
There is reassurance that no trial is insurmountable, and a way of escape always presents itself.
The perpetual existence of an escape route is rooted in the faithfulness of God. As a child of God, every challenge encountered is not a plot to destroy but a design to bring out the best within; an opportunity to strengthen one’s faith.
Harnessing the Power of God’s Word
The ultimate key to unlocking solutions in marriage is found in God’s Word. In the darkest moments, a single word can illuminate the path; a way of escape. It’s not about the multitude of words; it’s about the potency of that singular word.
The Power of a Single Word
Similar to the concept of conception, where amidst 300 million sperm, only one is needed to fertilize and bring forth life, a single word can birth transformation. Sit, study, meditate, and seek that word from the Lord; the true way of escape.
In conclusion, regardless of the challenges, be it mortgages, housing, health, fertility, relational dynamics, or financial burdens, remember, there is A WAY OF ESCAPE. That escape route is encapsulated in the profound and transformative power of God’s Word.
Begin your day by immersing yourself in the study of His Word, and do it regularly, daily! Good morning!
A priest at a wedding ceremony captured this piece of advice to the groom. He gave it as the condition to which the groom must fulfill as a husband.
All men in the house, if you want to enjoy your marriage and enjoy maximally the ministry of your wife as your help mate follow these advice.
1. Be the spiritual leader
Your wife needs you to be a spiritual leader in the marriage. Be someone she can look up to in times of challenges, and crisis and someone who gives spiritual guidance.
2. Affirmation and Appreciation
Your wife continually needs rich doses of affirmations and appreciation. Affirm her. Let your words strengthen her. Don’t discourage her. Give her wings to fly. Let your wife become better being married to you. Appreciate her efforts. To appreciate, you must first of all acknowledge her contributions. Don’t be stingy with your affirmations and appreciation. Let your wife be able to say, I married a good man who truly celebrates me.
The first lady in your life needs lots of romance. She will never outgrow little romantic gestures like buying her little meaningful gifts. Being courteous to her. Treating her with respect like listening to her when she speaks. It simply means treating her every way you can as your queen. If you will not talk harshly or rudely to a queen, then don’t do that to her.
3. Intimate Communication
The woman God has given to you needs intimate communication. Let her know how human you are. Don’t paint the picture of a superhuman to her. Let her know she is needed and valuable. Open up your fears to her. Ask her sincerely for her prayers. Let her communicate freely and honestly without the fear of being judged or criticized.
4. She needs you to betransparent
Some husbands keep important information from their wives. They feel their wives won’t be able to handle such information. On the contrary, your wife is made to handle the truth and do something about it. She may be emotional about it, but once she’s done she looks for ways to handle it.
So be open and very transparent with your wife. When you need her comfort, her attention let her know, don’t throw tantrums. Talk, don’t sulk.
5. She Needs Home Support
Make sure she and her children are well catered for. Don’t let her feel her demands are too much. It is your responsibility to fix every need in the house. She assists when she can. Please don’t see it as a right to demand, but be grateful for every support she renders. Her comfort is your responsibility. Ask her how you can make her more comfortable. Don’t be unconcerned about her struggles.
7. She Needs Someone Who IsCommitted to the Family
Family commitment is a very important need for your wife. She must know that after God she comes next. Put the needs of the children and hers as top priority. Let every other person come only after your wife and children. Make sure you verbalize your commitment to your wife and your children.
Make sure your wife and children flourish and thrive under your watch. Build up courage and strength in your wife, who will be your support system. Invest in whatever may be her shortcoming. Build strength consciously into your children, they are the ones that matter most because they bear your name and are like arrows shot into the future. Take time to explain things to them. Let them be free to ask you questions and set up conversations with them. Be transparent with them, let them know where you stand.
Do all these and you will have built a strong support system for yourself spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially, and otherwise.
Yesterday I spoke about transitioning from a Girl to a lady, to a wife, and a mother. We see how it’s of necessity we grow and develop at each stage so we can mature at each level and do as it is required of us.
Today we will be looking at the male version and how we are to develop at every stage of our lives.
You are a male by birth but we become a man by choice. You become a man by taking some deliberate steps or actions
John 9:21 NKJV but by what means he now sees we do not know, or who opened his eyes we do not know. He is of age; ask him. He will speak for himself.
Being a man describes one who can speak for himself. Most guys have identity crises. They can’t speak up for what they believe. Your ‘manhood’ starts when you can stand up for a godly course.
You grow from being a boy to becoming a man, mature emotionally, mentally, financially spiritually.
Until you are a mature man you are not qualified to be a husband or to be married.
There are so many married boys. It’s not your age that makes you a man.
Being a husband is a responsibility. Husband is from the word ‘husbandry’ which means ‘the care, cultivation, and breeding of crops and animals’.
It also means ‘management and conservation of resources’. A husband must be equipped to bind his home together. He should be able to manage the human resources of his wife and children. He cultivates and brings out the best in his wife and children.
When we have immature men becoming husbands, we have all sorts of marital problems. We have unfaithful men. Men who can’t be committed to their wives or their children.
They have not learned how to be committed to God. They can be selfish, don’t know how to manage their emotions, and don’t know. how to be vulnerable, sincere, and transparent with their wives.
A good. husband is an effective father, the source of life. Many boys are becoming fathers. What a tragedy of destiny. It is only boys that allow their erection to determine their direction.
Let every man and the ladies that love them and love the next generation, take up the responsibility of getting matured. Enough of half-baked men causing crisis in marriages.
Let them become the proper servant leaders, God ordained them to be. Men who truly love their wives like Christ love the church and gave Himself for her.
Every female gender starts as a girl. As a girl you are all pretty, flawless, innocent, saintly, naive, and all shades of sweetness. You see a young girl and you want to cuddle her.
I can bet you, girls are made for cuddles and kisses.
Every girl born is like a clean slate. To become a lady, you need to be informed. As your body transforms, other aspects of your life also need to be transformed. You are not just all ‘body’. You are a container with content.
The problem however is that failure to fully and properly transform from one stage of development to another affects the proper growth in the other stage.
A girl that doesn’t fully develop cannot become a lady in the right sense of the word.
A lady is one equipped with all the right knowledge and has developed mental capacity in all necessary areas. Financial, emotional (she is mature and has emotional intelligence), psychological, spiritual, mental, etc.
She has matured from being just a girl. She is not just concerned about her body and her looks.
From being a lady, the proper order is to move from being a lady to being a wife.
Marriage is not what makes a lady a wife. You become a wife before you are married
Proverbs 18:22 NKJV He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
The man obtains favor from the Lord because the Lord has taken time to work on the lady turning her into a wife
A wife is emotionally mature, selfless, and ready to submit to the right order of things as constituted by God. She is submitted to her husband. She has learned that to win the heart of your husband takes more than your looks or your body, it takes wisdom.
When you are fully developed as a wife, you are qualified to be a mother indeed. You don’t become a mother by just giving birth to a baby. You are a mother because you can pass the same godly principles to the next generation and nurture godly seeds.
There is so much crisis in society because girls are not becoming ladies and ladies are not maturing to become wives and mothers.
What we have are ladies becoming or performing wifely roles and being mothers. Little wonder about the chaos in marriages.
May we reverse the order and be on course to be godly women in Jesus’ name!
This piece of advice will work for all relationships at whatever level. This is not to condone character flaws but it is an effective way of managing our differences.
For Singles, after we are sure this is the person God wants us to marry, a period of courtship begins. We are in love, yes, but we begin to see a lot of things we don’t like in our fiance.
If we focus on these differences we will spend most of our time quarreling and trying to sort out these differences.
We will think by much talk, which I call sermonizing, change will be effected. Nagging or sermonizing is us trying to sort out our differences by insisting on our terms.
I am not suggesting that we should keep quiet on major differences but I show us a better way.
When you see things your partner does that hurt you, rather than nag, you take it to God in prayer.
That sounds strange, but it is the way to go. By doing this, you are solving some other major issues in the future.
For us couples, not complaining is even a much better option. Knowing and accepting your spouse as a gift to you from God is fundamental.
God has brought you and your spouse together to fulfill a purpose. God expects you to take matters to Him in prayers. You are meant to pray all the time for your spouse. God knows that he/she is not perfect. God does give us raw materials to work on and the extend we work at them, the better we will enjoy them.
He/ she should be your project.
Your spouse’s weaknesses should be your prayer point. Your wife talks harshly, don’t tell her she will go to hell if she continues like that. Your husband drinks, win him over, not by your many talks, complaining, or sermonizing but by your prayers. Let’s learn to take them to the foot of the cross.
Does that mean I should close my eyes to misconduct? I didn’t say that. I only said to change our tactics and pray rather than complain.
With us developing this habit, God will have a better place in our lives. We will become better by getting closer to God and then the power of God will transform our spouse.
The choice is ours. Go the way of complaining and have the devil get an inroad into your marriage and relationship thereby causing more havoc or do it God’s way.
Remember, when you notice a weakness in your spouse, don’t complain turn it to prayer points before God and the result will amaze you. This is what God told me.
Do you know God hates complaining?
Check this out.
I Corinthians 10:8 – 10 NKJV [8] Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell; [9] nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents; [10] nor complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer.
In relationships, there will be instances where your significant other inadvertently inflicts hurt upon you. It’s not a deliberate act, but rather a consequence of human nature – we are, after all, only human.
As spiritual beings residing on this side, the sting of these hurts often cuts deep due to the profound trust, love, and emotional bonds involved.
The root of these hurts may often be traced back to temperamental differences, as individuals naturally attract those with opposing temperaments. Picture the calm and easy-going drawn to the vivacious Sanguine, or the goal-oriented Choleric captivated by the carefree Sanguine or the relaxed Phlegmatic.
While these differences are complementary, they can also become sources of conflict, generating deep hurts, offenses, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit.
Unchecked hurts evolve into lasting offenses, fostering bitterness and an unforgiving spirit. It’s essential to recognize that harboring unforgiveness obstructs the flow of blessings into one’s life.
The Christian journey expressly forbids harboring an unforgiving attitude. Jesus, our ultimate example, demonstrated the divine nature of forgiveness even amid brutal treatment during his crucifixion.
Jesus forgave, and through His forgiveness, resurrection power was unleashed, bringing Him back from the dead. Now, the glorified Jesus sits in majesty at the right hand of God.
In line with Christian teachings, holding onto offense or unforgiveness contradicts the principles of faith. As emphasized in Mark 11:25 (KJV), forgiveness is an integral part of a successful life.
Mar 11:25 (KJV) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Offense, hurts, and bitterness serve as impediments to blessings; therefore, it is paramount to sidestep them in your relationships.
Release the grip of unforgiveness; forgive your ex-partner and release them from the depths of your heart. The subsequent choices your ex makes, including their marital decisions, are inconsequential. Letting go is the key, to allowing God to orchestrate His plan in your life.
May God grant you heightened understanding as you navigate the complex terrain of relationships.
Embarking on the journey of destiny often reveals itself in unexpected ways. This narrative unfolded during my time at Olabisi Onabanjo University, formerly known as Ogun State University. The story revolves around a new student, a “fresher” or “jambite” in our campus lingo, who found accommodation in the same hall I resided in.
Divine Incidence on Campus
In the grand script of life, orchestrated by the Almighty, there is no room for coincidence; only divine incidence. We, as mere actors and actresses, play our roles in a drama directed and produced by God Himself. Staying within the script ensures a blockbuster unfolding of our destinies. Allow God to direct the script(. Don’t attempt to manufacture your own script! The movie will not “blow” like that!
The First Encounter
My roommate and I, as self-appointed ambassadors of welcome, set out to greet these new arrivals. Little did we know that divine orchestration was at play. Upon laying eyes on her, a sense of certainty enveloped me – a whisper from the Holy Spirit, perhaps – that she would be my wife. Her physical beauty, though not the sole criterion, played a significant role in this divine revelation.
Timing is Everything
Despite this revelation, I exercised patience and restraint, allowing a year to pass without expression. Two reasons governed this apparent inaction: my inherent shyness and an intuitive understanding that the timing wasn’t ripe. Understanding the patterns through which God communicates became pivotal in deciphering the journey ahead. Going ahead of God can ruin beautiful things even when it is God’s plan.
You see, when God speaks, His voice can be so resolute and strong that you often jump out without finding out details.
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. (Song of Songs 2:8 KJV)
The Holy Spirit’s Guidance
As children of God, embracing the Holy Spirit’s guidance becomes paramount. Recognizing the patterns through which God communicates, be it in relationships or other life aspects, is crucial. Filling our hearts with faith for His leading involves immersing ourselves in scriptures about divine guidance.
The Burden of Preparation
The voice of God is resolute, often requiring preparation before performance. Recognizing the two dimensions of this burden – preparation and performance – is vital. Rushing into action without understanding the nuances can lead to missteps, as seen in the misadventure of proposing prematurely. That revelation from God, is it for preparation or [performance? A major question to answer!
The Importance of Timing
Understanding God’s timing is fundamental to avoiding missteps. In my journey, God revealed the path of teaching relationships in 1997, but it took a decade before I stepped into that calling. Attempting to initiate the journey prematurely led to failure, emphasizing the significance of divine timing.
Seeking Guidance in Decision-Making
As married couples, there are even more decisions to make. Keep asking Him before you take that decision, before you make that business decision and He will always speak to you. Don’t be hasty! Be led by God. That is how not to make a bad business decision. There is nothing wrong in asking God again and again.
God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God. (Psalms 62:11 KJV)
Conclusion and Prayer
This morning, I speak the light of God that comes from His word into your life, I declare that confusion is not your portion. I pray for married couples, God will direct you in that decision you need to make in Jesus name!
Growth and change are two things that are constant in life, relationship and marriage.
We grow just as our spouse grows and changes.
At this junction, I have to say that there are positive and negative changes that might occur. We are however focusing on the positive changes
There are a lot of things that will change about us. Our age, our taste, our perspectives on life and things generally, our opinion, our health, and whole other things
As we experience these changes and metamorphosis, usually in becoming a better version of ourselves, our values change. What we spend our time on before is not what we spend our time on now.
Sometimes these changes come with their challenges. Most of the time our spouse begins to see this as strange and begins to react.
They are not used to the new you. This is where adjusting is needed.
We are to adjust to the positive changes of our spouses especially when the changes are beneficial.
Ways to handle your spouse’s positive changes
1. We have to acknowledge and respect the differences in our paths to personal growth.
2. We need to understand and appreciate the fact that evolving as individuals may lead to diverse perspectives and be ready to adjust and cope, not quarrel.
3. See the evolution of your partner as an opportunity to learn and grow. Be ready to learn from the uniqueness of each other
4. Learn to appreciate and celebrate the victories that your spouse’s changes bring.
5. Enjoy the journey together embrace the change and find ways to personally grow as your spouse is growing.
Instead of fighting your spouse’s change and allowing it to bring a wedge between the two of you, step up your own game and embrace the change.
May we and our spouse enjoy the beauty of growth together
Pastor Sophia and I did this yesterday via YouTube. Did you miss it?
Find it below and enjoy the lessons, the laughter, and the conversation!
Every single in courtship should intently discuss this – Why do you want to marry me? A sincere in-depth discussion will bring to the fore a lot of revelation and let you be able to to discover a lot about the decision you are about to make.
Interestingly, many couples get “shocked” after the wedding because they discover many things after that!
This is what happens when the relationship gets sexual as singles and obscures the most important things that should be discussed.
Singles in courtship are distracted with outings, sex, fun, and other things that are not important.
Newlyweds and those who have been married for a while should also sit down from time to time to do this – What did you marry me?
It’s a good experience because it is a re-enactment of the core reasons you are together. And in case, distractions are coming in, which is usually the case, the needed rejuvenation can happen as powerful words are uttered to one another.
After all, the wedding day was all about words!
Thank God for the guests, the Aso-Ebi, the food, the reception, the parties, the gold hand rings, the several vendors contracted…but what joined the couple together were the words! Either in court or church, words were exchanged. Vows were made and after the vows, you became husband and wife. It was all about words!
If words bring you together, good words uttered in sincerity to one another will also sustain your relationship.
The course of a thing is also the sustainer of that thing. Sit down and talk!
Singles should ask one another, “Why do you want to marry me?”
Couples should ask from time to time, “Why did you marry me?”
Reproach comes at different times and different seasons.
I want to show you a scripture I discovered this morning and this will surely bless you a great deal.
What do you do when you are being reproached? What should be your line of action when people are laughing at you? It is one thing for people to laugh at you behind you and you are unaware, but it’s a different ball game when people reproach you to your very face and talk in a demeaning way about you and your God.
What do you do?
Let’s take a look at the scripture.
Psa 119:41-42 (KJV). Let thy mercies come also unto me, O LORD, even thy salvation, according to thy word. [42] So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me: for I trust in thy word.
How I so much love this scripture!
Let me paraphrase! Let your mercy come to me so that mercy can respond to those who reproach me!
Wow!
God is saying that the panacea to that reproach in your life is mercy!
Reproach as a single or even as a couple, you don’t even need to respond to them! What will respond is mercy!
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Psa 119:41-42 (MSG) Let your love, GOD, shape my life with salvation, exactly as you promised; [42] Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your Word.
You don’t need to respond to reproach or mockery all by yourself!
What will respond with a blessing, a miracle, an incredible result is Mercy!
Ask for God’s mercy this morning!
And keep asking every day and every time.
It’s one prayer you should not stop praying all your life!
Mercy!
God’s mercy will speak for you today and answer every point of reproach and mockery in your life in Jesus’ name!
We are in a generation where couples must be deliberate in nurturing their love and romance. Work schedules, lifestyles, and personal choices are gradually eroding the bonding that should exist between a husband and a wife at all times.
If bonding is not worked at, things will gradually degenerate! May that never be our portion!
It is the same thing for singles in courtship. Bonding especially on an intellectual level must be achieved. Communication should be top-notch as this is the bedrock of any successful marriage. The only bonding that should not happen before a wedding is sexual bonding! I believe singles already know this!
One of the ways to bond together is by playing together!
Playing together as a couple is a natural way to eliminate the unnecessary stress that comes with raising a family! Don’t take playfulness out of your marriage!
This is one thing I still do till tomorrow. I play a lot with my wife! It’s a good way to bond!
Another thing that being playful together as a couple does is that it creates shared memories which leads to deeper emotional connection!
Conversely, quarreling all the time and engaging in unending bickering will tear you apart emotionally till you are irritated at each other. It even gets more intense and hatred comes in.
How do you move from loving someone so much to hating that person so much?
Carelessness in not nurturing your marriage can result in this!
If playfulness is absent in your marriage, then start by scheduling it. An example is a playful dance session. Another one is a gentle pillow fight!
Let me warn you ahead of time that one spouse will not usually like this idea as one is always serious while the other is playful. But you must keep at it.
Genuinely invest in joy in your home. Play together. And enjoy yourself, and of course, this will lead to a better intimacy between the two of you!
Alright, we have been looking at couple combinations in the past few days!
We are looking at a peculiar combination today! We know that opposites attract, but with a few exceptions, we often have couples of the same temperament and tendencies getting married.
This is why we are looking at these combinations to know how couples can manage themselves.
A quiet husband and a quiet wife! Wow!
Their marriage will be a peaceful one, at least in a general sense, but this does not mean there won’t be underlying conflicts and tantrums.
Both of them are not vocal, so there is a high tenacity that they bottle things up, go through the motions to avoid issues and never tell themselves the truth.
They will usually be of the phlegmatic temperament and whatever they lack in utterance, they will compensate with their stubborn stances.
They are usually unyielding and their stubbornness is their coping mechanism for those who want to take advantage of them.
Their home will likely be boring because they are not outgoing and they don’t do well in making too many friends.
What must they do?
They have to learn to go against their basic temperamental tendencies to bring some balance into their home and marriage.
They also have to learn to be expressive and not just bottle everything up in a bid to avoid conflict and quarrels.
They must work on their sense of humour because phlegmatics can have a biting, dry, humorous sense.
Their pursuit of dreams and goals will need to be supercharged constantly because their temperaments are those of procrastination.
They also have to learn to encourage and motivate one another because phlegmatics generally lack inner motivation.
That said, they will generally have a peaceful but uneventful lifestyle that comes naturally!
Here is the second part of this couple combination.
A vocal husband, vocal wife combination will need a lot of wisdom and tact to survive in their marriage. If they don’t manage their personalities well, a crash is imminent.
Here are a few areas they need to work on.
Their anger.
I gave an example of Simeon and Levi yesterday! Their sister was raped in a particular city and because of that, they got angry and wiped off a whole city of all males and cattle!
Why did they go to that extent? They were two angry brothers. Their anger was referred to as instruments of cruelty. They went to that extent because both of them were angry at the same time!
Now, a vocal husband and a vocal wife cannot afford to be angry simultaneously! The house will be in flames!
No wonder the scripture even warned against getting married to a person who has uncontrollable anger issues.
Pro 22:24 (KJV) Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:
Let’s take a look at some other translations.
Pro 22:24 (GNB) Don’t make friends with people who have hot, violent tempers.
Pro 22:24 (MSG) Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads.
Pro 22:24 (GW) Do not be a friend of one who has a bad temper, and never keep company with a hothead,
You will be amazed at why the scripture advises against befriending an angry person.
Pro 22:25 (KJV) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
Wow!
Even if you were not given to anger before, moving closely with an angry person can initiate you into that anger cult!
Pro 22:25 (MSG) Bad temper is contagious— don’t get infected.
It is contagious!
In conclusion, a vocal husband, and a vocal wife must make up their minds to stay away from anger!
This morning, we are looking at an explosive combination, probably the most volcanic of couple types!
Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife!
What?
As uncommon as it could be, this coupling type exists!
Well, Pastor, you said opposites attract, so what happened in this scenario?
Well, there is every possibility they started as vocal and quiet, but as time goes on, the other quiet spouse adopted being vocal as a coping mechanism with a vocal spouse!
This person assumes the only way they can survive in that marriage is to match their spouse, word for word, trouble for trouble, and vice for vice!
Couple Types: Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife
This type of couple is very explosive, they fear one another, and the house is usually one of shouting matches.
The spouses are unwilling to give in to one another. There is no mutual submission and any form of submission is seen as a sign of weakness on their part.
In some cases, they get violent with each other and sometimes destroy things!
This type of couple is sitting on a gunpowder and it is a matter of time before it explodes on their faces.
They are both angry and volatile with their emotions.
I am sure you remember the case of Simeon and Levi .
Gen 49:5-6 (KJV) Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. [6] O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.
Two angry people in a marriage is never recommended!
In the Amplified version, it says
Gen 49:5 (AMPC) Simeon and Levi are brothers [equally headstrong, deceitful, vindictive, and cruel]; their swords are weapons of violence. [Gen 34:25-29]
Note the word, EQUALLY! No marriage can survive where the couple is equally vocal, vindictive, troublesome, and angry!
For this marriage to survive, they have to be willing to die to their flesh and sacrifice for one another.
We have been looking at couple types and we looked at vocal husband and quiet wife. We started looking at quiet husband vocal wife yesterday and we will delve into Part 2 today.
The quiet husband, though inexpressive is like a pillar of strength for the family. He is the definition of strength, without noise. He has this quiet noiseless faith that can get the job done without much noise.
However, his weaknesses also come to the fore because he can be withdrawn, and secretive and can make decisions without informing his spouse.
The quiet husband will often struggle with the need for validation because his quiet nature presents the picture of a weak husband in the light of societal expectations. He has to learn to appreciate his uniqueness while also working on his extreme reservation.
The immediate challenge is that he is married to a wife who is vocal and who enjoys talking chatting, babbling, and everything in between.
His quietude will be seen by his wife as a deliberate neglect of her needs. She is emotional, so she can hardly understand why she can talk and her husband won’t talk.
It becomes even more intense if the husband can get chatty with his friends but won’t talk chattily with his wife.
The husband must learn to talk because his wife will never understand his reservations, The vocal wife must learn to talk less because her husband won’t understand why she can’t keep her mouth shut.
Incidentally, if the husband begins to talk a lot and the wife shuts up too much, we will have even more crises. So, what is needed is actually for them to be balanced in their relationships with one another.
They must love and accept one another’s personalities and then begin to work together to improve their communication. Marriage is a place of sacrifice! So they both need to sacrifice “This-is-me” syndrome and seek to please the other person!
The goal is peace and tranquility without strife in the home and guess what,? It is very possible!
Hello, people of God. We started looking at different couple types and we have seen vocal husband and quiet wife. Today we will quickly look at the quiet husband and the vocal wife. When we have this combination, there are some peculiarities to be expected.
The quiet husband usually has a phlegmatic temperament and because opposite attracts like I always say, he is likely to attract somebody opposite his temperament, maybe a choleric or a Sanguine. So what do we have here?
At any provocation, because the wife is the vocal one she goes into a lot of babbling and rattling which of course the husband doesn’t like.
The vocal wife talks when she’s happy and when she’s unhappy, she talks when she’s friendly and she also talks when she is angry. She draws her fulfillment from talking.
We see a lot of frustration for her because the husband is not the talking type. So most of the time, she has nobody to talk to which makes her unfulfilled.
In this case, we usually see a situation where she becomes a gossip because her husband doesn’t enjoy talking.
The husband has to learn to move away from his quietude and learn to talk to his wife so that there can be some fulfillment for the vocal wife. Also, the wife has to bridle her mouth so that she doesn’t get on his nerves all the time. Of course, we also know that respect is a major issue for a man, and when a wife talks a lot, especially angrily, that comes as disrespect to the man.
The man also has to be careful not to mute his wife completely otherwise there won’t be peace in that particular home. So a lot of balance and maturity are needed in that particular family.
I am going to take a break briefly from our series on Couple Types and bring to us a word from the Lord for this month!
So dear people, members, and partners of Kisses and Huggs Club, Happy New Month!
What is God’s word for us this month?
Psa 30:11-12 (GNB) You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance; you have taken away my sorrow and surrounded me with joy. [12] So I will not be silent; I will sing praise to you. LORD, you are my God; I will give you thanks forever.
Every point of your life where you have been sad in these past twelve months, there is a divine CHANGE for you, and that sadness is being changed into a joyful dance in the name of Jesus!
1. So there is a change!
Yes, God Himself recognizes that there has been sorrow in some area of your life, but He is going to change the narrative in your life! Wow! God is changing the narrative for you!
2. There is a “taking away!”
God is taking away every sorrow from your life! You will look for sorrow and you won’t find it any longer! Why? God is taking it away, never to come your way again!
3. There is a surrounding!
The next thing in the scripture above says God is going to surround you with joy! Wow!
Everywhere you look, what you will see is joy! Every place you enter, what will meet you is joy!
4. As a result of this, you can’t be silent!
You can’t be silent this December! You are going to sing your praise unto your God this month! You will give thanks forever for what the Lord will do in your life this month!
Can you say this with me: This month, I am surrounded by joy, no more sadness around me, and sorrow is gone away from me, I will sing continually this month!
The deepest desire of your heart is being granted this month in Jesus name!
The Vocal husband is the life of the party in the family. If he dares keep quiet, the whole house shuts down. When the vocal husband goes quiet, something is really wrong that needs urgent attention. You see, his default mode is to keep talking.
The Quiet wife is the definition of peace, tranquility, and serenity in the house. If she ever starts talking in anger, there is a real problem.
In order for there to be balance in the family and for the children not to be tilted out of balance in one direction, the couple has to work on their marriage and be on the same page.
Our weaknesses are always strengths turned inward, so what this means is that a weakness is actually within the strength and it has to be managed well so that strength will win.
For example, a husband who talks a lot brings fun to the house, but will equally use strong words at the slightest provocation.
The wife who is on the quiet side seems very peaceful but will continually aggravate the husband with her shell-like withdrawal, her easy tendencies for depression and despondency, her unresponsiveness to her husband’s vibes, and so on and so forth!
The vocal husband must learn to shut up when angry and the quiet wife must learn to express herself when angry.
Interestingly, the vocal husband can easily forgive when he vents, while the quiet wife can be vindictive and unforgiving in her quietude. Note that venting with negative words and abuse is not always the best way to go.
The balance is that they must work together and understand one another while improving their communication skills.
If you are like the couple above and you seem to have done everything possible with no headway, you might want to reach me via WhatsApp for some deep therapeutic steps both of you can take! The issue must be resolved!
We will be looking at more couple combinations in the coming days!
