We started on this yesterday. We will continue today.
3. Differing Spiritual Beliefs
Here is another scenario that doesn’t always play out well, except with a lot of patience, prayers, and perseverance. I always advise singles not to think of getting married to someone who doesn’t have a relationship with God. It would always be filled with challenges that you might have to fight alone because you do not agree with your choice of weapons. You want to pray, but he or she thinks you are just being fanatical. That can be very disconcerting, to say the least. It is always a good combo when both agree and are going in the same direction in terms of belief systems and practices.
Love on the Brink: 7 Types Of Couples 2
4. Sentimental Couples
When two people who are sentimental get married, their lives will be devoid of principles that are meant to keep them focused and energetic in their marriage and home. Two sentimental people will always judge a situation from a sentimental point of view rather than principles. In no time, they can ruin themselves because you cannot go very far living and swimming in the ocean of sentiments. They would not be able to achieve much because they would have excuses for their mediocre lifestyles.
Love on the Brink: 7 Types Of Couples 2
5. Angry Couples
Two angry people in a relationship and marriage cannot go far. See the scriptures:
Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul (Proverbs 22:24-25 KJV)
The scripture here advises that you should not get involved with somebody who has anger problems and who refuses to work at it. An angry man can take a knife or gun one day and end it all. An angry wife can ruin things in seconds. Take a look at the Message Translation:
Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious–– don’t get infected (Proverbs 22:24-25 Message)
There are couples that are sitting on a keg of powder! As singles and married couples, you are to deliberately work things out in your relationship or marriage and with the help of the Holy Spirit.
In a relationship and or marriage, you are to work things out. A relationship or courtship does not lead to marriage automatically, you are to work things out in your disposition, attitude, and reactions. A marriage does not just succeed; you are to work things out between yourselves.
Here is what the scripture says:
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12 KJV)
Tonight, on Whats App Hubs, we continue with our topic: “Doing The Little Things That Matter in Relationships and Marriage”
Now there are some couple combinations that are sure to crack along the way. When you find yourself in these spots, you need to seek help prayerfully and with a lot of wisdom to address the lurking issues.
Here are those combinations:
1. Unbelieving Couples
Two people who are unbelievers may love themselves and may be committed to each other, but when the storms of life come, they will fight their battles alone and you know, some of those battles can be very fierce. They will not have God’s support since they don’t have a relationship with God. They will not have the benefit of sonship and it can be very intense! They need to connect with God!
Love on the Brink: 7 Types Of Couples
2. Stagnant Couples
The second group of couples are those who may be believers but whose minds are not renewed. The only thing is that they already have a relationship with God, but apart from that, they are still carnal. They still do their stuff like unbelievers would do. They still want to have fun in forbidden areas and they still want to explore the perverse, which would often come with dire consequences. My advice for couples in this group is that they seek help as soon as possible.
September is the beginning of the “Ember” months and a lot of people are even scared and believe that a lot of unpleasant things happen around that time.
I am rather excited because a lot of good things happen around the time!
September, being the ninth month, is that month in the natural when the “gestation period” is complete and the baby has no choice but to come forth!
And so, this month of September is our month of “Bringing Forth”
Isaiah 66:9 (KJV) Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.
God is literally saying here that I will not bring you to that month or season where the baby comes forth and I will not cause to bring forth!
Dear people, now is the time to bring forth that greatness, that blessing, that business, that dream, and all that God has told you!
It is the season of giving birth!
Now is the time to bring forth! Now is the time to take that step!
Your dream will not be aborted!
That greatness will not be aborted!
Don’t give up on your baby!
You will not give birth to a stillbirth!
That baby is coming out healthy and strong!
You will have cause to rejoice and share that massive testimony in Jesus’ name!
The Lord will give you an earth-shaking testimony this month! He will do something unique in your life in the name of Jesus!
You will birth new things!
Isaiah 66:9 (MSG) Do I open the womb and not deliver the baby? Do I, the One who delivers babies, shut the womb?
Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony. Thoughts or mindsets are very powerful. In fact, the mind rules the man. Where the mind goes, the man follows. Victory in life is so much as the victory in your mind.
If you can master your mind, then you can positively channel it for a victorious living. Your level of victory in life is directly proportionate to the level of victory you have in your mind or soul.
Now your mind is the seat of your will, thoughts, emotions, and your intellect.
3Jn 1:2 (KJV) Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
The soundness or health of our minds or souls is so important that we should constantly be checking on the state of our minds.
You need to constantly check your thoughts. Are your thoughts leading you to victory in your marriage and in life?
Your thoughts can come from different sources, they can come from your background, your situations, your environment, people around you, from media, your past, from the devil (demonic influence), from God’s word, through preaching, tapes, godly books, and more.
Just like there are positive thoughts there are also negative thoughts. Negative thoughts of rejection, selfish thoughts that lead to strife, malice, anger, quarrels, low self-esteem, and feelings of inferiority complex and superiority complex, will all have adverse effects on the marriage.
Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony
You must see these negative thoughts as they indeed are. They can destroy your marriage if you don’t destroy them.
The Bible teaches us how to handle our thoughts, especially the negative ones that can destroy our lives and marriages.
2Co 10:4-5 (KJV) (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) [5] Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Every negative, ungodly, selfish thought must be cast down. They must not be allowed to govern your marriage, home, and life.
You have to take up that responsibility because nobody will do it on your behalf.
How do you handle negative thoughts? You use godly thoughts to cast down those negative thoughts or mindsets.
Ten Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Marital Harmony. Here are ten wrong mindsets or thoughts that can ruin a marriage.
1. My spouse hates me and only shows he loves me when he or she wants something from me.
2. There is no ‘God’s perfect will’ in marriage. Just marry anybody, bear his name, and don’t expect too much.
3. There are no blissful marriages. It exists only as a figment of one’s imagination.
4. Husbands don’t have the ability to love their wives.
5. As a wife, I refuse to allow my husband full authority over my life. He will still end up hurting and cheating me.
6. Faithfulness in marriage is not real. Just pretend everything is okay and pray you don’t get caught or catch your spouse in adultery
7. You don’t have to be one hundred percent sincere, open, or transparent, it’s not worth it.
8. Without money in marriage, there is no love.
9. The Bible, God’s principle,s or learning about marriage is not necessary or very relevant to having a blissful marriage. For example, “wives submit” or “husband love your wife” are Old Testament advice, not compliant to today’s world.
10. Once my children are okay, that is okay. Expecting my husband to love me unconditionally is asking for too much.
If you have any of these mindsets, it is time to throw them away and discard them.
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want. What women wish men understand about them
Next to spending time with God, the next person you should spend time with is your spouse! Spending time with her is so crucial you don’t want to even experiment with what will happen if you don’t spend enough time with her. When God created man, the scripture says that God will leave His throne, and come down to the garden in the cool of the day, to fellowship with man!
Now read this very carefully, “If you are not spending enough time with her, there will be issues!
I have been counseling couples for close to twenty years now, and I can tell you this is one area that people overlook and which the devil has greatly explored as a loophole in marital enclaves.
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want
Think about this:
How did Satan get Eve? He spent time with her! Why was Eve so vulnerable? Adam was not spending time with her when the devil showed up!
Now some men are really spending time with their spouse or spouse-to-be, and yet things are not really working. What could be wrong?
You see, some men can be so skillful (pun intended) that they can spend time without paying one single attention!
That is not what we are talking about here! You can spend five hours with her and yet she can’t reach you!
When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to check Facebook. When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to reply to emails.
Somebody says, is that all we will be doing? Spend time with her and not work?
The problem is that you don’t know that part of your work is to make your marriage work!
Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want
When I was studying for a Master’s Degree in Communication and Language Arts some eighteen years ago, my lecturer told me there are different levels of listening. You can listen for fun like watching a comedy, you can listen for exactness as you do in class, and you can also listen with precision in more intense cases but the highest level of listening is what you practice with your spouse. It is called empathic listening and it is listening to her by putting yourself in her shoes to know and feel what she is feeling.
It is not the kind of listening you do, with your laptops on, your iPads on, and Television showing CNN and picking up your calls at the same time.
In every relationship or marriage, you should have time dedicated regularly to her. That way, it shows your commitment to her. Be available. Don’t let it get to a point where she wants to book an appointment with you!
Pastor, what if my job takes me away from home?
There are two things you can do.
1. Anytime you are around, make it memorable. Don’t riddle it with quarrels such that the little time you meet is full of regrets. Be mature. Let the time you meet be a time to make deliberate deposits into her emotional bank so that she has enough to withdraw from when you are not around.
2. Use your phones and social media to sustain attention. If you are not always around, and you still don’t have time to call regularly or chat, then something is wrong somewhere!
You see, when you genuinely love someone, you want to be in touch with that person!
I pray that God will grant you more wisdom on this. I come against every storm in your marriage and I declare, Peace, be still in Jesus name!
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple. Hullo dear singles and couples. This morning, I want to delve into more profiles of a great couple that will do well. Some days ago, my wife and I wrote about this. This morning, I will write more on it.
6. The Forgiving Couple
Forgive each other so that your heavenly father will forgive you also. You are not perfect, are you? So don’t become a judge, rather lovingly overlook and forget any mistakes that show up.
7. The Correcting Couple
Do you know it takes up to nine affirming statements to be able to accommodate and see one criticism as it should be seen? But you know what people do is give nine brutally critical statements and one or none of affirming statements. It will not yield any positive result like that.
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple
8. The Obedient Couple
Seek to help each other in obeying God’s instructions. You are the greatest influence. Don’t encourage him or her to sin. Stand on the path of truth and help him or her to resist temptations.
9. The Balanced couple
Don’t feed each other’s weaknesses. Rather, you should balance them out, because you will always have strength in areas where they are weak. Be available to help them stand. Be there to help them say No to iniquity. Don’t be seen as a partner in crime, or partner in iniquity. Let them be able to say, I trust my fiancé/fiancée/spouse; he will never compromise. Trust one another and protect your trust.
Portrait Of A Truly Admirable Couple
10. The Accountable Couple
Be accountable together. Make sure you have a mentor you talk to from time to time. My wife and I do this for a lot of couples. Sometimes, the very intense issues and disagreements are dissolved with a few statements. Well, that is the grace of God upon our lives and upon this ministry; to provide positive intervention in crisis-laden marriages and to provide godly counsels for those in courtship. Accountability to those who have done what you are trying to do is a lot of wisdom. Stay close to these devotionals that have been succor to a lot of marriages and relationships across the world, discuss them from time to time, and keep on making adjustments! So help us, God!
There are three instructions that I believe every married couple and all singles in courtship should take cognizance of.
1. Be kind to one another
2. Be tenderhearted.
3. Forgive one another
These three instructions will go a long way to help couples relate with one another and also help in managing a lot of issues.
These three instructions can also be found in
Eph 4:32 (KJV) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Romantic Tenderness: Caring for Love’s Flame
A kind husband living with a kind wife will minimize unnecessary quarrels.
Then it says to be tender-hearted.
That is, let your hearts be tender towards each other.
Do you know how a mother is tender towards a day-old baby?
How does she handle her, feed her, carry her, and nurture her?
What if you are tender this way to your loved one?
You won’t shout at each other.
The husband will never lift his hands against his wife.
The wife will never use abusive words on her husband.
Then it talks about forgiving one another.
And this is powerful.
Don’t be bitter towards each other. Forgive easily and quickly.
Romantic Tenderness: Caring for Love’s Flame
Take a look at the Message translation:
Eph 4:32 (MSG) Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
Be gentle.
Be sensitive.
Let forgiveness be quick and thorough.
Do not forgive halfway.
Finally, let’s take a look at the amplified Version:
Eph 4:32 (AMP) And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [ readily and freely ], as God in Christ forgave you.
Take a look at the words used.
Compassionate. Understanding. Loving.
This attitude will eliminate screaming at each other, shouting at each other, being at each other’s neck, being vindictive, being in strife, being violent at each other, and speaking wrong words at each other.
I pray that God will grant us more understanding.
I pray for your marriages, that God will abate every storm and crush every opposition in Jesus’ name!
The plans of the devil over your marriage are destroyed in Jesus’ name!
Investing in your marriage is an intentional practice that takes time, effort, attention, and patience. Here are some helpful tips.
1. Respect each other
Know that you are both adults each having something unique to contribute to the marriage. Show Mutual respect for each other’s opinions. This becomes very beneficial.
2. Appreciate each other
Show and express your gratitude for each other’s efforts, and contribute to the marriage. It is true that a tree doesn’t make a forest.
3. Spend Time together
A couple that doesn’t spend quality time together grows apart. You could be together and not be available for each other. Do activities that connect you together physically, emotionally, intellectually etc
4. Talk with each other
Regularly talk and listen to each other’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Listen as much as you talk. I guess that is why God gave us two ears and one mouth.
5. Feel for each other
Can you feel your spouse? That’s why the Bible says we should be tenderhearted to one another. Try and understand each other’s perspectives and emotions.
6. Address issues and Conflicts
Problems, issues, and conflicts are meant to be solved. Address them calmly and work together to find solutions to them.
7. Stay intimate with each other
Physical and emotional intimacy should not be compromised. Keep the marriage bond strong. Stay intimate emotionally, more importantly, as a foundation for physical intimacy.
8. Continual learning
Knowledge improves our lives both as individuals and as a couple. Invest in your growth by continual learning. Stagnant water stinks. Don’t let your marriage stink.
9. Pray together
Couples that pray together stay together. Marriage is more spiritual than physical. So spend time talking to God together about every detail of your marital lives.
10. Support Each Other
Be each other’s greatest fan. Priorities each other above any other one. Be your spouse’s greatest supporter in your own unique way. Be there for each other and don’t be too busy to show up when needed.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2. We started yesterday with this beautiful topic and I will continue from where we stopped.
Yesterday, my husband wrote on
a. The praying couple
b. The calling couple.
c. The exchanging couple
d. The sharing couple
e. The encouraging couple.
I will write on five more this morning
We need to understand that we (husbands and wives) are building a name and a legacy. What you build and how you build matters.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2
6. The Building Couples
Since our words, thoughts, and actions are like building materials, what we should ask ourselves is what type of materials am I using to build and what am I building? Apart from building a “good family”. We should also build up ourselves. Is your wife a better person, a better businesswoman? Is your husband a better man, a better leader? Better than when you first met them?
7. The Defending Couples
Couples should defend each other no matter what. Why? Because they are one. Defend yourselves spirit, soul, and body. Defend financially, socially, emotionally. Know that when you defend your spouse, you defend yourself. When you throw your spouse away as rubbish, you find yourself naked when you need a covering.
8. The Growing Couples
There is a beauty that comes when couples grow together till old age. They have held on to each other and grew over the years. They have grown mentally, and emotionally and have matured together. They have grown on wealth, experience, and wisdom. Give allowance for each other to grow.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2
9. The investing Couples
Little drops of water become a mighty ocean. Little investment of time, love, affection, understanding, right words are investments that yield great dividends later on. Let’s invest in our marriage, our children, and in ourselves.
10. The Laughing Couples
Laughter is so important in building that last. It is what makes us enjoy while we build. It gives us memories that bring about joy. Don’t let us be uptight. Let’s take time to laugh and have fun.
A lot of married couples are often caught up in the hustles and bustles of life and become distracted. Here is a reminder list of what you should do regularly to each other and how to go about it.
Love, commitment, and endurance are interwoven into stories of lasting unity. In this devotional, I delve into types of couples who will have remarkable tales of steadfast devotion, resilience, and shared growth that offer insights into the secrets of enduring relationships. Read on as I uncover the unique blueprints behind these marriages that will not just survive, but thrive, creating an inspiring lasting impact.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last
1. The Praying Couple
Pray for her. Let it be genuine. This helps you to harness the help of God to come to bear for you. Prayers will solve seemingly impossible problems. Rather than give up quickly, pray about it!
2. The Calling Couple
Whether you will see each other later in the day is not the issue, the issue is that communication is the live wire of any relationship or marriage that will survive. Keep in touch. Send SMS. Use chats.
3. The Exchanging couple
It doesn’t have to be expensive! But let it be touching. Notice what I wrote, exchange gifts; not collect gifts! Those little gestures help to keep the fire of your relationship and marriage aflame.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last
4. The Sharing couple
Share with him or her what God is dealing with you in His word.
Whatever God tells you in your devotion or in your personal walk with God, will also bless him or her as long as it blesses you.
5. The Encouraging Couple
You are his number-one fan. You are her number-one fan. Don’t discourage each other. Don’t dissipate your energy on criticism. Be aware that your input goes a long way because you are the closest person.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow! See you then! Have a great day!
It is understandable when enemies wound you. It is somehow discernible when you have wounds and bandages arising from a battlefront with an opposing side!
But the most significant wounds in our hearts are incidentally sustained by friends and lovers.
We have ex-friends, ex-besties, ex-lovers and sometimes ex-spouses. Sometimes the resulting effect is single motherhood, but how come we don’t hear of single fathers?
This leaves the women folk hurt most of the time because they deal more with hurts, bitterness, and agony of heart arising from disappointments in their quest for love.
Some married couples are not exempt from hurts and bitterness, because marriage can become that place where you are constantly hurt, especially when you want your spouse in a certain way and yet you are not achieving that.
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Zechariah 13:6 (KJV) And one shall say unto him, What are these wounds in thine hands? Then he shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.
Wounds can be sustained by friends, lovers, and spouses.
That is the reality!
However, you cannot stay hurt and wounded all your life! You have to learn to forgive and let go!
Do you realize that it is easier for the offender to let go? Of course, God’s justice system will deal with such a person. However, the offended find it challenging to move on as they struggle in the mud and mire of bitterness!
This is why it often looks like you are hurt and yet things have really gone slow and complicated. It’s because of bitterness of heart!
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Proverbs 14:30 (AMPC+) A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.
Envy, jealousy, and wrath are the cousins of bitterness. The scriptures say they can cause rottenness in the bones.
It can literally cause sicknesses and diseases!
You don’t want to stay on that page!
The good news is that God heals!
Psalms 147:3 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
That is soothing! He will not only heal your broken heart, He will bind up your wounds!
Why don’t you go to Him this morning? He is waiting to hear and attend to you!
Psalms 147:3 (MSG) He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage. As children of God, God speaks to us like a father will speak to his children. When we listen to His voice, we will not get into problems. When we disregard His voice, we start listening to another voice. The moment we don’t flee or run away from that voice, we get into a serious mess.
God is good God. God speaks to us. The devil is a bad devil. He also attempts to speak to us. That is why the scripture declares:
And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers (John 10:4-5 KJV)
When we make up our minds to listen to God and fill our hearts with His word daily and consistently, we will not listen or take heed to the voice of the evil one. That is why the way Jesus refuted and refused to listen to the voice of the devil during the temptation was to speak out God’s word. Three times he was tempted, three times he said, ‘It is written…’ What if he doesn’t know what is written?
This morning, by the Spirit of God, I want to identify ten areas where we might have been listening to the wrong voice. It comes in subtle ways mostly.
The devil often uses people and situations to speak to us. We must be careful. Here are the people and voices the devil often uses.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
1. The user’s voice
I can marry her, but I don’t have to be committed to her
2. The deceiver’s voice
I don’t have to let my spouse know everything, or else the marriage can be jeopardized.
3. The religious voice
Everybody has a lover somewhere, God must accommodate that or we will all go to hell.
4. The foolish voice
As long as I have a prophet somewhere that I consult and pray for me, I can continue with my lifestyle.
5. The sensual voice
I am not sure of my spouse’s commitment. I can as well explore and also live my life.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
6. The greedy voice
I can collect money from him to help my spouse. After all, it’s for the family. It’s for us and that can be a secret. If I don’t do it, we will be hungry.
7. The unbelievers’ voice
My family does not need Jesus. I have enough money. It is poor and hungry people that go around praying.
8. The self-righteous voice
I don’t want my family to be fanatical. We don’t have to go to church. The church is full of hypocrites.
9. The carnal voice
I serve God passionately and I give. But God knows that addictions cannot really go like that. I will keep on working on it and one day God might even give me a sign to stop.
10. The confused voice
The only way to keep this man married to me is to allow him to have his way with other ladies out there. As long as he doesn’t bring them home, he can do whatever he wants. Life is give and take, I can’t be policing him around, since he doesn’t disturb me from doing what I am doing.
Well, all the above statements are defective. If you or the person you are engaged with makes these types of statements, you might want to really seek help because they are defective statements indicative and symptomatic of deeper spiritual problems. They are belief systems that are sure to crack and leave you cracked. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
If you are married, and one or more of the above seems to be the scenario, you will need to pray a lot for God’s help and intervention and then seek counseling as well.
In life, God has laid out His principles and when we deviate from them, things will not work out however we try because the scripture cannot be broken! In any way where you seem lacking, God will forgive, forget, redeem, and restore as necessary when you genuinely repent.
There is a state of heart that makes every spouse stick to each other. It is having an understanding that your relationship is a covenant relationship.
A covenant relationship is based on the principle of ’till death do us part’. A relationship that should only be severed by death. Through thick and thin we stick together.
A lot of couples give up on their marriage and on their spouses too soon. Yes, I am not saying it will be easy and Yes, there are some cases, where it becomes practically impossible to stick together.
As couples, when you get married you are saying, “Your God shall be my God, your people shall be my people”
Ruth understands this covenant relationship.
Every covenant relationship will be tested, just as the relationship between Ruth and Naomi was tested.
The benefit of the covenant of marriage is only enjoyed by those who stick to each other till the end.
For the Singles, you need to ask yourselves can this lady or guy stick with me through the tough times? Can I stick with her for life? Am I that committed to him/ her? Can I cover him/her?
Sticking To Your Spouse
Let’s see Ruth’s understanding of the covenant as recorded in the bible.
Ruth 1:16 KJV And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
Ruth 1:16 – 17 MSG But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!”
The Covenant of Marriage is not supposed to be endured but enjoyed.
In other to enjoy the marriage covenant there must be agreement.
Can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3
Sticking To Your Spouse
This agreement must be well spelled out. It is like the Vision and Mission statement of an organization. Everybody knows why the organization exists and how to reach its goals.
Without an agreement, there is no sticking together, and definitely, no covenant relationship will exist.
All couples should work on their “agreement”. There has to be the involvement of both husband and wife in all matters. There must be mutual consent or assent.
Let’s see the definition of agreement:
An agreement is a manifestation of mutual assent by two or more persons to one another. It is a meeting of the minds with a common intention and is made through offer and acceptance. An agreement can be shown from words, conduct, and in some cases, even silence.
The agreement involves discussion, rubbing together of minds. It requires patience and understanding for both parties to be on the same page.
There can only be speed when there is agreement.
“All parties must agree about an offer made by one party and accepted by the other.
Something of value must be exchanged for something else of value”
Let us all work towards agreement in our relationship and marriage.
May we fulfill God’s mandate for our marriage in Jesus’ mighty name
There are many areas where you need to understand your wife, but there are four critical areas I want to mention this morning.
Understanding these areas will help you to understand your wife better.
Understanding your wife better will bring peace and tranquility into your home.
What are some of these areas?
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
1. Understand her love language
Her love language is her password!
Language is so powerful that when God wanted to deal with man’s wrong ambition in Genesis 11, all He did was to confound their languages.
“And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” (Gen 11:6-7, KJV
There are four love languages. These include
a. Words of Affirmation – saying the right words.
b. Quality Time – spending time with her
c. Gifts – buying her gifts regularly
d. Acts of Service – helping out at home
e. Physical Touch – touching her regularly
I will not be able to expatiate on this now, but your wife will respond mostly to one or more of these.
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
2. Understand her temperament
Her temperament is the reason she acts the way she does.
There are four basic temperaments.
These include
a. Sanguine – Appealing personality, Talkative, Storyteller, Life of the party, Good sense of humor
b. Choleric – dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant
c. Phlegmatic – easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed
d. Melancholy – thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts
Usually, she would have a blend of two of these.
Understanding these will help you better to manage weaknesses and strengths. You will be able to minimize weaknesses and harness strengths.
You are a vital part of that marriage. Discover yourself. Who are you? What are your desires, what makes you come alive, what makes you enjoy living? Love yourself. Be a happy you.
As singles, discover yourself and your purpose in life. Find out why you are here before venturing into marriage.
2. Focus on your lover or spouse
As a married person, the most crucial human being on earth is your spouse. Begin to treat him /her as such. Let nothing absolutely come in between that. Let the whole world know, your spouse is so important to you.
Some people treat their wives like ‘one kobo’ and expect her to treat them like ‘ a million dollar’, it ain’t gonna work that way.
Seize every opportunity to let everyone know this one human being is number one on your list.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
3. Focus on God
This is the most important of all. Now, it will be very foolish to want to focus on yourself and your spouse and leave God out. It can not work. God is the center that holds the pieces all together. God is the vital force that crowns all our efforts with success.
4. Focus on your strength
You have strengths. Whether it’s your beauty, your home-making skills, your intellect, your being jovial, whatever it is, focus on it. It’s your selling point in your marriage. Don’t let go of your strong points.it is what will make your spouse keep coming back to you.
5. Focus on minimizing your weaknesses
Don’t ever make the mistake of pretending your weaknesses don’t exist. Please don’t ignore them. Your weaknesses have the potential of destroying the marriage you are building, so destroy your weaknesses before they ever destroy your marriage.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
6. Focus on satisfying yourselves
Why should you spend your energy, time, and money on trying to please or satisfy another man’s wife? That’s called wastage.
Don’t go into an unprofitable venture. Ask yourself, if I satisfy her, how does it add to me or make my own marriage better?
Tend your own garden. When it’s harvest time, you won’t go and harvest on another man’s farm. It is not your own, so focus and build your own marriage.
Pro 12:11 He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.
This three-word sentence is very profound because there is an element of decision and acceptance.
These two elements are very important to the survival of any marriage. The element of the decision will help every couple realize that their choice to marry who they are married to, is a decision that cannot be changed.
I usually tell engaged people, on your wedding day, your guests will enjoy the food and leave afterward but you will have to live with your choice till death do your part. That’s why it is advisable not to fall in love blindly. In marriage, love is not blind at all.
Once you are married to your spouse, your decision is signed and sealed. There is no point in trying to change things. What should be aimed at is working at enjoying your decision.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
The second element is acceptance. When you say, ‘I married You’, you are being specific with no option of comparing your spouse with another. You married your spouse, with their strength, weaknesses, struggles, past, present, and future together.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant journey. Once you are in it, you have to keep at it. Make every effort to make your journey together worthwhile and fun. There is no point in enduring hurts and offenses. Make up your mind to enjoy your marriage all the way. Your enjoying your marriage is not dependent on your situation, it’s dependent on your decision.
Here are five things that will help you in your ‘decision and acceptance’ of the person you married.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
1. Never compare your spouse
Your spouse is unique in his/her own special way. Your spouse can never be like the other person. Your spouse is manufacturer specific. You can not change her, you can only influence them positively.
2. Never secretly prefer another person to your spouse
This is a secret sin. It is dangerous so try it. Whatever happens in mind will happen in time.
3. Never believe the lie that your spouse is nothing to desire or admire
What you appreciate will get better. Shower accolade and appreciation on your wife or husband. Your spouse is your own, why do you leave yours to focus on what is another man’s?
4. Never leave God out of your marriage
Marriage comes with its challenges, it’s only the God factor that makes a great difference. When God is made the center of your marriage, He teaches you how to be merciful to your spouse’s weaknesses and live peaceably with each other in love.
5. Never stop loving your spouse
In marriage, love is both an action word and a noun. The more you love your spouse, the more you see and experience love.
Love is an unending circle, it’s meant to keep going round and round. When you sow love, you reap love and it keeps on.
