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Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want. What women wish men understand about them

Next to spending time with God, the next person you should spend time with is your spouse! Spending time with her is so crucial you don’t want to even experiment with what will happen if you don’t spend enough time with her. When God created man, the scripture says that God will leave His throne, and come down to the garden in the cool of the day, to fellowship with man!

Now read this very carefully, “If you are not spending enough time with her, there will be issues!

I have been counseling couples for close to twenty years now, and I can tell you this is one area that people overlook and which the devil has greatly explored as a loophole in marital enclaves.

Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want

Think about this:

How did Satan get Eve? He spent time with her! Why was Eve so vulnerable? Adam was not spending time with her when the devil showed up!

Now some men are really spending time with their spouse or spouse-to-be, and yet things are not really working. What could be wrong?

You see, some men can be so skillful (pun intended) that they can spend time without paying one single attention!

That is not what we are talking about here! You can spend five hours with her and yet she can’t reach you!

When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to check Facebook. When you want to spend time with her, it is not time to reply to emails.

Somebody says, is that all we will be doing? Spend time with her and not work?

The problem is that you don’t know that part of your work is to make your marriage work!

Cracking the Code: What Ladies Want

When I was studying for a Master’s Degree in Communication and Language Arts some eighteen years ago, my lecturer told me there are different levels of listening. You can listen for fun like watching a comedy, you can listen for exactness as you do in class, and you can also listen with precision in more intense cases but the highest level of listening is what you practice with your spouse. It is called empathic listening and it is listening to her by putting yourself in her shoes to know and feel what she is feeling.

It is not the kind of listening you do, with your laptops on, your iPads on, and Television showing CNN and picking up your calls at the same time.

In every relationship or marriage, you should have time dedicated regularly to her. That way, it shows your commitment to her. Be available. Don’t let it get to a point where she wants to book an appointment with you!

Pastor, what if my job takes me away from home?

There are two things you can do.

1. Anytime you are around, make it memorable. Don’t riddle it with quarrels such that the little time you meet is full of regrets. Be mature. Let the time you meet be a time to make deliberate deposits into her emotional bank so that she has enough to withdraw from when you are not around.

2. Use your phones and social media to sustain attention. If you are not always around, and you still don’t have time to call regularly or chat, then something is wrong somewhere!

You see, when you genuinely love someone, you want to be in touch with that person!

I pray that God will grant you more wisdom on this. I come against every storm in your marriage and I declare, Peace, be still in Jesus name!


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