The interesting thing about the building is that whatever you are building, you must have your materials on the ground before you start building. Another important fact is that even before the materials, you must have a drawing of what you want to develop. The architect must have interpreted the building on paper. Usually, this contains the measurements, length, breadth, height, and many other things.
This is what God has in mind in the book of Proverbs 14:1, He told us that
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Let’s see other translations.
CEV says, A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness. (Pro 14:1)
ERV says, A wise woman makes her home what it should be, but the home of a foolish woman is destroyed by her own actions.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
Here, we see the wise woman in action building her home. We also see the foolish woman in action pulling her home down or destroying it through her actions, inactions, and decisions.
God is also seen behind the scenes as the architect, who gives the design of what is to be built.
Every woman is doing something. Every woman is either wise or foolish in what they are doing. Whether you are a professor, a banker, an entrepreneur, a doctor, or a lawyer, you are either a wise woman or a foolish woman.
The question is “Are you building or destroying your home with your hands?” It is easier to say No, how can I with my hands destroy my home? But in reality, you could be destroying your home and the lives of family members if you are foolish.
If you’re not building according to pattern, you are not wise.
Ex 25:40 GW translation, ‘Be sure to make them according to the plans you were shown on the mountain.”
MSG translation, ‘Study the design you were given on the mountain and make everything accordingly.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
There is a pattern God expects us to build with as wise women. The only thing that will make you build wisely is if you build according to the pattern shown to you. Some of us women are building with a different pattern. By the pattern and standard of the world. We are building our homes and family by the pattern of social media, and our schedules, these will not work.
We have to go back to the pattern shown to us by God. That is the only way to guarantee we are building and not tearing down our homes. Women and wives are so powerful that God commits to their hands the building of the home.
Let’s stop here today. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace talking about what pattern we should build with.
I pray that we will indeed be wise by building our homes and family according to God’s pattern.
Oh, Pastor, you have no idea what I have been through!
My problem is unique, out of this world, an impossibility!
You can go on and on…but I have only one thing to say;
You are still alive!
Troubled, Perplexed, Persecuted, And Cast Down But Alive!
And if you are still alive, victory is sure!
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (KJV) We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; [9] Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
To be troubled means to be afflicted, narrowed, thronged, and to suffer tribulation.
Ever been there before?
What does it mean to be perplexed?
It means to have no way out, that is, be at a loss mentally!
Ever got to a place where it seems all reasons fail you and all way seems blocked?
Where you are at your wit’s end and suicidal thoughts sift through your mind and you device means of ending it all?
But it didn’t end!
The amplified Bible explains it this way;
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (AMPC) We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; [9] We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed;
You Have No Idea!
You have gone through a lot.
Broken relationships
Sexual harassment
Abortions
Depression
Manipulated by people you trusted and looked up to
Deceived and sexually abused by the one you call a Pastor
And you feel God hates you. God doesn’t like you. Why do you have to go through all that?
The first thing you need to know is that God has not abandoned you.
There are things that are self-inflicted, there are those that came as a result of disobedience, and even more because of mistakes of parents.
The second thing is that you need to pour out your heart and forgive all who hurt you and took advantage of you.
The third thing is to forget the past and move into the new that God has for you.
Then and then only, will you find yourself, in the experience of verse 15;
2 Corinthians 4:15 (MKJV) For all things are for your sake, so that the superabounding grace might be made to abound through the thanksgiving of the greater number, to the glory of God.
You Have No Idea!
You will look back and give thanks for everything!
Why?
2 Corinthians 4:17 (MKJV) For the lightness of our present affliction works out for us a far more excellent eternal weight of glory,
Everything you went through is referred to as light…because Jesus went through more and more for you to the point of shedding blood.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MKJV) For consider Him who endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest you be weary and faint in your minds. [4] You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MSG) When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! [4] In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed!
And then, in verse 17, it drops the bomb. All you ever went through, which the devil meant to use to destroy you will be used by God as raw materials to work out His glory in your life.
How?
You don’t need the details. You only need to hold on to Him and then see His incredible, unbelievable divine purpose as it unfolds in your life.
2 Corinthians 4:17 (AMPC) For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],
She sat before the counselor with tears in her eyes. ‘But, why did you do it’?
The counselor asked. With her heart filled with regret, grief, and pain, she answered.
‘I never intended to cheat on my husband. I have always loved and desired to have a happy, loving marriage and home. Infidelity, adultery, and unfaithfulness are like taboo to me.’
The counselor wanted her to check into the inner recesses of her heart and try to see how she got to that point. Sincerity and soul search are also a part of the healing process and therapy.
It is also important to know that, until certain steps and boundaries are set in marriage, we may find ourselves on unsafe grounds.
Eventually, Mrs Ojo was able to come up with something.
‘I think it happened because deep down in my heart, I was looking for how my deepest needs as a woman will be met. I met Bode and in a short while, he was meeting my needs and quenching my longings. He was a friend. He listened, cared, and was sensitive. I fell for it only to realize, it’s always better to stick to my marriage, make things work, and stop looking outside my marriage for a quick fix.
The counselor tried to balance things for Mrs Ojo.
Can You Quench My Longings?
Here are his submissions.
1. Just as you have deep needs, so does your husband. It will be selfish of you to focus on only your own needs. Marriage is for mutual benefit.
2. Never assume or conclude your husband cannot meet your needs. He definitely can learn.
3. Communication is very essential in marriage. Talk about your needs, and be sincere. Let your husband know. Marriage is for bliss, not for blisters or an endurance journey
4. Never look outside your marriage for fulfillment, satisfaction, affection, affirmation, compliments, appreciation, or happiness.
Can You Quench My Longings?
5. You, as much as your husband need to learn how to meet each other’s needs. Marriage is an unending school where learning is continuously necessary.
6. The temptation to cheat on your spouse must be fought with all your might. Cheating is senseless and in the end full of regrets.
7. Repentance and restoration are very important after infidelity so as to put an end to it.
Wendy is frustrated. She has been involved in several relationships that never worked and she is beginning to think she is cursed. All her friends are married and she seemed to be the only one left. The more desperate she became, the more relationships and marriage were evading her. She has prayed, fasted, and cried, and she doesn’t know what to do again.
On the other hand, George had so many girls he sleeps with regularly, and he feels that is being a man. Sadly he is misinformed and confused. He fails to realize that he has been sucked into a cycle of sexual perversion with damning consequences and only God can save him if he is genuinely repentant. The more he did that, the more he frustrates and truncates the plan of God for him in this area.
John and Comfort are married but are not enjoying their marriage one bit. They got married without knowing the purpose of marriage, hence abuse set it. They are both well-read and educated, but unfortunately, you are not taught how to run a marriage in school. You are left with deliberate tutoring through self-development or through mentors.
So now, the question is “How do you know the purpose of a relationship/marriage is being abused?
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
1. When you start a relationship experimentally
You see, a relationship or marriage as the case may be is not supposed to be an experiment. It is something you initiate deliberately and purposefully. It is an institution created by God, and as such it should be held sacred.
When God began the marriage institution, He had something in mind. He was not performing an experiment but he was deliberately packaging a purposeful institution. So, the moment you do anything experimentally, you have moved away from the original intention, hence the consequences.
In experimental relationships, you say “Let‘s see whether this will work out.” Before it begins, you already perfected the exit strategy. I really don‘t think this is what God wants from us.
2. When you are involved in sexual sins
During friendship or courtship, it is the mind that should be aligned, not the body.
When the body comes together in a sexual relationship before marriage, the light of God’s word is tampered with because of violation and confusion enters the soul!
One common statement you will hear from people who are compromised is “I am confused!”
They know it is wrong, and yet they are held in the embrace of sin because an illegal bonding has been formed. It takes God and guts to break such.
On the other hand, when married couples make love, it strengthens them more. It is for this reason that the scripture says a couple should not deny each other!
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
3. When you objectify your lover
Objectification of people is relationship abuse. The purpose of that lady in your life is not to satisfy your rush of adrenaline. Reducing a lady that God created in His image to a mere sexual object for pleasure is gross abuse.
When the lady sees the husband as her ATM, it is also abuse. He is not in your life to buy weekly recharge cards while you are giving sex. This is an abuse of what God intended.
4. When you start a relationship while still bitter and hurting
I have said it over and over again, you don’t begin a relationship immediately after getting off one because you want to prove a point or you want to get back at your ex. At that point, your reasoning is impaired and your definition of love has been warped by the recent experience.
It is always good to take a break for about six months and allow yourself to heal. Wisdom says you should find out what went wrong with the first one before you dabble into another. If you have had several relationships broken over and over again, it is not about a curse anywhere, it is just that you lack wisdom and you are abusing the purpose of a relationship.
You don’t enter a relationship because you want the person to fill some emptiness in your soul. Only Jesus Christ can fill your emptiness with His Spirit! If you haul a job meant for God on a guy or a lady, you will end up frustrating that person! After a broken relationship, take your time. Ask questions. Why did it go wrong?
Don’t jump into the next available arms just to deal with hurts and wounds. When you do that, you will get hurt the more, because you have not followed the right process. Never ever try to give sex in order to get attention or love. It will never work that way. Young ladies, drum that into your head and carry yourselves with some dignity!
In today’s devotional, I delve into the captivating yet dark territory of toxic relationships. I will shed light on a destructive pattern often disguised as affection. By understanding the signs and consequences, we empower ourselves and others to break free from such harmful bonds.
For married couples who think they are in such, nobody is asking you to leave as a first resort, but to do all in your strength to seek counsel and intervention, so that you will not continue to suffer unnecessarily.
A lot of people are in toxic relationships or even marriages without knowing.
As a result of low self-esteem, they keep coping with it, thinking that if they let go, nobody else will find them.
What is one major pattern of a toxic relationship? Let’s look at it.
Pattern Of A Toxic Relationship
Emotional Manipulation:
A common sign of a toxic relationship is emotional manipulation.
Your partner is always right while you are always wrong! Through logical explanations, anger, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, stonewalling, your partner maintains control and holds you by the jugular!
This is not only toxic but abusive as well.
As singles contemplating marriage and already in this kind of situation, your best bet is to run!
Run, run, run! There is fire on the mountain.
This is where self-esteem comes in because most singles will not run because of what they think they are getting in terms of monetary tips!
To subject yourself to such horror because of some paltry sums is not only a sign of profound low self-esteem, but also a sign that you don’t love yourself and don’t know exactly what you are looking for.
The reason you need to run is that God is doing everything possible to show you who you are dealing with.
Don’t ever delude yourself saying the person will change later. Marriage changes nobody! And what you are even seeing now is just a rehearsal of what eventually awaits.
Pattern Of A Toxic Relationship
As I said, married couples should seek intervention through therapy, separation or divorce is not usually the first resort because that is another clime that comes with its puzzles and contradictions with lasting negative consequences for the parties and especially the children!
Meditation:Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark?2 Corinthians 6:14 (MSG)
God literarily wrote our love story while we were on campus! U can tell you truthfully I never prayed concerning who to get married to! Not once! In fact, I would say God interrupted me with marital vibes while I was just serving Him! That love story is not concluded yet, we are just in Chapter 23 now!
Nobody can tell me otherwise! God writes love stories! The whole scripture is the story of God’s love towards humanity!
How can you become one of the main characters in the many love stories that God spins and weaves every day? Follow me and let me take you on a journey to the land of divine romance orchestrated by God Himself!
When God Writes Your Love Story
1. The Factor of Mercy
Turn my way, look kindly on me, as you always do to those who personally love you.
God must have mercy on you! That is the beginning of the love story! God will usually have mercy on those who love Him, pursue Him and serve Him! I told you I was busy serving God when He came to me and pointed out my wife to me! God can have mercy on your relationship or marriage!
2. The Factor of His Word
Steady my steps with your Word of promise so nothing malign gets the better of me.
You must journey in His word daily to understand His plan for your life. Know this and know peace! Encourage your fiancee or spouse to be a student of the word!
When God Writes Your Love Story
3. The Factor of Rescue
Rescue me from the grip of bad men and women so I can live life your way.
God is interested in frustrating the intentions of bad lovers who are pretending to access your life and live your heart broken! God will deliver you from those who are froward and are not ready for any commitments!
4. The Factor of Favour
Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live.
When God smiles on you, things become easy! Single or married, always pray that God should smile on you! Never do things that will cut you off from His favour as singles or married!
5. The Factor of Obedience
I cry rivers of tears because nobody’s living by your book!
Tears came because nobody is living by the book! Relationships will break, and hearts will be shattered when God’s word is despised and when His injunctions are disregarded! An example is cohabiting, evidenced by premarital sex! It all ends in tears! Another example is infidelity! Rivers of tears await!
May that not be your portion in Jesus’ name! Good Morning!
Foolishness is not something you want to court in any way.
Being married to a foolish person is a decision to afflict oneself for a long time.
It is therefore in order to prayerfully approach marriage. How do you even know a person is foolish?
We have all made some foolish decisions in the past, or some foolish mistakes, but to habitually live foolishly is no virtue at all.
The Foolish Lover
Let’s look at a few ways you can know a foolish lover
Resistance to wisdom and discipline
Pro 1:7 (AMPC) The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline. [Psa 111:10]
A foolish lover will have no regard for the pursuit of wisdom.
A foolish lover takes no instruction from anyone.
A foolish lover thinks they know it all.
A foolish lover feels insulted when their spouse in advising or correcting them
A foolish lover has nobody correcting them. Not even their parents.
A foolish lover hates discipline with a passion. They are submitted to know one, and they take instructions from know one.
Marrying a fool is like entering one chance!
Your only resort would be to continue to pray!
The Foolish Lover
How do you recognize a fool?
Pro 15:2 KJV The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
A fool has mouth diarrhea. When they open their mouth, foolishness will emerge.
Take a look at The Message Translation:
Pro 15:2 (MSG) Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense.
Wow!
Fools are leaky faucets, annoyingly dripping nonsense.
Imagine living, surrounded by nonsense?
It is the reason you want to “shine” your eyes before making a marital decision, and not just because of some hot legs or some bum!
What if you are already married and you feel…
Rule No 1; Never call your spouse foolish!
Rather prayerfully approach how you can turn things around. Read a book together, discuss sermons after church, lovingly bring up the issue of mentorship…and so on.
There is a place lovers or couples should not get to! This place is terrible, defeating, frustrating and despicable to say the least!
It is a place where God does not want you. It is a place where the devil and the “people from your village” want you!
It is a place where God doesn’t want you because in that milieu, favour s lost, prayers are wasted, efforts are futile and life is unrewarding.
It is a place where the devil wants you because it creates a loophole for him and gives him straight access into your life!
Lovers’ Danger Zone Exposed
Where is this place?
It is a place where all the butterflies that used to flap their wings at the sight of your loved ones have all lost their wings and can’t fly again!
It is a place where the sound of joy is gone and only lamentations can be heard.
It is a place where rejoicing has withered and only sounds of apathy are left
It is a place where there is no more agreement between the couple, and all they do is quarrel, throw tantrums, and suspect each other.
It is a place where couples live as singles and singles live as couples!
Lovers’ Danger Zone Exposed
Singles in courtship or married couples, never get to where you no longer love each other, where you are irritated at each other at the slightest interaction, and where the love has moved from exotic to toxic!
Refuse to cooperate with the devil to cause havoc in your life, rather cooperate with God to bring favour and increase into your life
Gladly follow the path of forgiveness and stop stifling the faith process, which is the avenue through which God will reach you.
Embrace His mercy by being merciful to one another and overlooking offences, rather than brooding on them!
Stay together, love one another, and refuse to yield to those lustful and adulterous thoughts that are designed to ruin your love story!
May your story remain glorious and not become a story that touches the heart!
The greatest thing that can happen to a person is to genuinely have someone that really cares for you! If you have someone like that, who loves you unabashedly, unashamedly, and unrepentantly, then you are blessed!
You can literally rest in that tender love and care knowing that your back is covered.
But when you have been betrayed over and over again, it becomes difficult to trust again. Sometimes, we have allowed the betrayals we have experienced to obfuscate the tender love and care of God toward us.
His Tender Love And Care
The below story illustrates how far God can go to show His love for us!
Numbers 11:18-23 (MSG) “Tell the people, Consecrate yourselves. Get ready for tomorrow when you’re going to eat meat. You’ve been whining to GOD, ‘We want meat; give us meat. We had a better life in Egypt.’ GOD has heard your whining and he’s going to give you meat. You’re going to eat meat.
[19] And it’s not just for a day that you’ll eat meat, and not two days, or five or ten or twenty,
[20] but for a whole month. You’re going to eat meat until its coming out your nostrils. You’re going to be so sick of meat that you’ll throw up at the mere mention of it. And here’s why: Because you have rejected GOD who is right here among you, whining to his face, ‘Oh, why did we ever have to leave Egypt?'”
[21] Moses said, “I’m standing here surrounded by 600,000 men on foot and you say, ‘I’ll give them meat, meat every day for a month.’
[22] So where’s it coming from? Even if all the flocks and herds were butchered, would that be enough? Even if all the fish in the sea were caught, would that be enough?”
[23] GOD answered Moses, “SO, DO YOU THINK I CAN’T TAKE CARE OF YOU? You’ll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not.”
His Tender Love And Care
Moses doubted God if he could take care of them in the wilderness. 600k men besides women and children needed meat!
And God asked, “So you think I can’t take care of you?” Of course, He did, and they took meet till it came of their noses!
God is asking the same question today!
Your relationship, marriage, or whatever the situation is, do you think God can’t take care of it?
Well, I have good news for you today!
God will take care of you! Rest in His care! Stop worrying and learn to trust in Him! Trusting in Him will unleash the reality of His love and care over you!
Whatever anguish, agony, or pain you are going through, have a conversation with God this morning and express your trust in His care, and then you will see the reality of that care!
I pray for you, God will take care of you in Jesus’ name!
Happy New Month! This month will be a glorious month for us all. God has been good. We just have six months to go this year! May God honour you and yours this month in Jesus’ name!
We all grow up with certain habits.
If they are healthy habits, praise God.
If they are unhealthy habits, you have a lot of stuff to confront and deal with.
Your habits eventually form you.
Your habits determine your attitude temperature.
For example, a person who grows up in a polygamous setting would have certain habits and outlook on life.
Such a person will be suspicious of everybody. Everybody is a suspect. The fighter in such a person is always on alert. The person lives with his attack and defense on overdrive all the time.
Now, those kinds of habits seem right because the person has had those habits for a long time.
But the reality is that the fact that you’ve had those habits for long does not make them right.
Let’s just pick one deadly habit that would ruin any relationship.
What exactly is it?
When you have a Whisperer as a friend!
Why Lovers Break Up
Proverbs 16:28 (KJV) A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
Wow! Read that again and again!
Let’s break this down.
I think the scriptures are just too loaded. And very practical.
God sure knows His children!!!
A froward man or troublemaker sows strife. We all know that strife is dangerous.
How does he do this?
He does this by “whispering”
A troublemaker sows strife as seed through words, whispering.
Beware of a whisperer.
The Yorubas have a not-too-nice name for it – “Gbeborun!”
A whisperer is ineffective until he or she has a fellow whisperer.
Never allow a whisperer to make you his dumping ground. You are not a refuse ground!
If you are in a relationship and you have a whisperer friend, that relationship may not last because the goal of the whisperer is to separate chief of friends.
His unwritten goal is to break that relationship.
Why Lovers Break Up
Who is a whisperer?
He or she is the gossip!
That is how the Message Translation describes it.
Proverbs 16:28 (MSG) Troublemakers start fights; gossips break up friendships.
Do you have a friend who is a gossip? Or are you the gossip?
You will unconsciously mess up your own relationship and others’ relationships if you are not careful.
A whisperer or gossip will end relationships.
The whisperer gossips about everybody, gossips about parents, pastors, friends, and just anybody.
One whisperer can throw a church apart because he or she doesn’t just talk, he SOWS strife and whatever is sown grows!
I will stop here this morning.
Once again, Happy New month… and well, say bye-bye to all whisperers as the new month begins.
Gen 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The words “Leave” and “Cleave” stick out inside the above verse.
An understanding of these words will substantially help us in our marriage!
The word “Leave” means to loosen, relinquish, permit, and forsake
It is a complete departure. But it is in no way a disconnection.
The man has to do the leaving.
Without leaving, there’ll by no means be a successful marriage.
NB: Singles and Couples’ Hubs Whatsapp Meeting is Weekly. Use the links below to join and participate
All undue interference and manipulation from the dad and mom or in-laws ought to be minimized.
The word “Cleave” means cling or adhere; to catch by pursuit: – abide, follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), and pursue hard
Allegiance has to shift from parents to your spouse.
This is what marriage is.
Leaving To Cleave In Love
Your spouse comes first from the wedding day.
Your spouse takes precedence.
Your mum is another man’s wife, not your wife.
Your own spouse needs to be your priority.
Cleaving means to catch by pursuit, so you never stop pursuing your wife.
You keep at it, even after the wedding.
In the pursuit lies the cleaving.
The guy is to cleave unto HIS OWN wife!
Trying to cleave to some other guy’s spouse will bring in marital disaster.
It also means to follow close. Leaving To Cleave In Love
Be joined and connected to her emotionally and otherwise. When things appear not to be going right, you don’t give up. This is what it means to cleave.
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You don’t pack your stuff and start singing songs of divorce when there is a little provocation.
This is what cleaving is.
It is much like your relationship with God.
You are to cleave unto Him and not try to depart when matters seem not to be going your very own way.
Leaving God and refusing to cleave will complicate issues, and that is the same thing in marriage.
You are to cleave for life!
Any attempt to leave is a tearing part that would be painful.
Stay with each other no matter what.
Cleaving means that you are dedicated to each other.
It means sharing with each other on the deepest level.
It means enjoying each other and supplying warmth for yourselves.
Ecc 4:11 (KJV) Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
I pray that God will grant understanding.
Your marriage will not suffer a crisis.
Your marriage will not lose that godly steam.
I pray that God will pour new wine into your marriage and cause the love between you to come alive!
When You’re Ready for Marriage. Let’s take a look at some hints that show you are really ready for marriage.
1. You are not lonely.
This is because marriage is never the solution for loneliness. You can be married and be lonely! Ask some married folk. You are not ready for marriage if you are lonely. Adam was not lonely; he was alone. Loneliness and being alone are not the same thing.
Marriage is never meant to alleviate loneliness; rather, it is meant to supplement and provide companionship.
If you look up the word “helper,” you’ll see what I mean.
Genesis 2:18 (KJV) And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
The Amplified Bible calls it a helper and then expands on that word.
Genesis 2:18 (AMPC) Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
When You’re Ready for Marriage
2. You are not looking for house help.
A woman is to be a helper rather than a house help The definitions have been established. They are not the same thing.
Depending on the circumstances, she can do the laundry, but she is not a dry cleaner or washing machine.
She hasn’t come to work her hands to the bone while her husband watches the news and football.
This is especially crucial now since there are so many career women.
If the young couple does not have housekeepers or anyone else to assist them, they must both face the labor and not delegate it to one side. This is what real love is!
This does not diminish the wife’s hard work and industriousness, as demonstrated by the virtuous woman, but it also does not render the husband superfluous in the home.
There should be “labor division” in love!
hen You’re Ready for Marriage
And this is why single should not spend weekends with boyfriends in order to secure a wedding.
That is not how it works.
You’ll have more sex (which is sinful) )and less meaningful conversations to develop your marital aspirations.
The time that should be spent getting to know each other and examining character flaws is instead spent wrapped up in each other’s embrace, in passionate sex, which is why difficulties arise after the wedding.
You never got to know that person with you on the bed.
Today we look at an important aspect for the wife. Why you should not close your spirit.
There might be reason to, you may be justified, you may think that is the only option, but I beg in you in the name of Jesus or let me just put it in Kings James Version, I Beseech you, Do not close your spirit!
In the event you have done so, pursue the path of healing and let God bring restoration!
Why should you? Here are a few reasons!
Why You Should Not Close Your Spirit
1. Hell, instead of Help
When you close your spirit against your husband, you simply welcome hell instead of providing the help that you are meant to be to your husband! This will not be your story in Jesus’ name!
NB: Singles and Couples’ Hubs Whatsapp Meeting is Weekly. Use the links below to join and participate
Joy will gradually wither, love will be feigned, life will become boring and a once excited and vivacious couple will become mere human caricatures, just going through the motions!
These will affect the entire family on a level you won’t appreciate! Do not close your spirit, rather resolve the issues!
Why You Should Not Close Your Spirit
2. Leaving, instead of Cleaving
Listen to me, dear wives, when you are joined together in holy matrimony, you actually become one flesh! Not one spirit. One flesh! The question is, how do you close yourself up to yourself? It’s literally impossible.
When you are “cleaved” already in marriage, it’s tearing apart when you try to “leave” and that comes with a lot of pain and anguish.
It will affect his finances and ultimately your finances. What you are meting out to him in the form of reactions will ultimately come back to you and the children. It’s not worth it!
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Why You Should Not Close Your Spirit
3. Vulnerable, instead of Enviable
You are meant to be an enviable couple, a model to others, and who others should look up to.
Closing up your spirit will impact you sexually, and that will even make you more vulnerable. Yielding to these vulnerabilities is like opening the door for the devil to cause even more havoc!
It is not worth it!
Go for counseling, therapy, or whatever you need to do so that you can heal and welcome peace back to your home! If you need some form of therapy, reach out to my wife and I and we might be able to help. By all means, do not keep quiet and continue t get bitter! You can’t afford bitterness!
Hebrews 12:15 (KJV) Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
See it amplified version
Hebrews 12:15 (AMPC) Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it–
Why Your Lover Can Close Her Spirit Part 2. We started on this series two days ago and we have looked at two other devotionals in the series. If you missed them, find them below.
This morning, we are looking at the second part of Why Your Lover Can Close Her Spirit. Let’s dive into it.
2. When you make her feel foolish and stupid.
When you constantly imply that your wife is ignorant and dumb, she will be hurt.
You don’t always say it, but it’s clear from your body language and the way you discard whatever she suggests.
Sometimes a husband will not even listen to her opinion.
She is to be seen rather than heard? That is never God’s intention for marriage.
In reality, she is your helper!
Only if you had listened to her “dumb” or “stupid” ideas would you have saved a lot of money sometimes!
She may not be logical, but she is instinctive.
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You know the man you want to partner with in business, but she will tell you based on an intuition that the man will mess things up. Yes, she won’t have facts but you will find out she is often right. It’s intuition.
She has no proof, no precedent, but she has intuition!
Don’t dismiss your her gut instinct!
Why Your Lover Can Close Her Spirit Part 2.
3. When you make her a laughingstock
If you make your wife the target of crude jokes in front of your friends and family, she will be hurt.
Only a foolish husband would do such a thing! You’re supposed to protect her and project her, not embarrass her at every turn!
Make it clear to everyone, especially your parents, that you are proud of your wife.
Biting words and mocking her about her weight and appearance will easily wound her.
Constantly harping on her flabby tummy will not result in a tummy tuck operation!
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Why Your Lover Can Close Her Spirit Part 2.
Take her to the gym or do a home workout with her!
She had that flabby tummy because she carried your baby in it for months, so treat her well!
And, dear lady, do all in your power to please your husband when he starts bugging you about your weight.
He is moved by what he sees! It is important to look your best not only for him but also for your health!
Why She Can Close Her Spirit. Yesterday, we looked at signs showing a wife has closed up her spirit against her husband.
We identified and explained the following five signs:
1. She begins to criticize you
2. You disagree on everything.
3. When she goes silent for several days
4. She pretends to be fatigued.
5. Her expression is always downcast.
These are surely not good places to be for the couple. Some of these tell-tale signs are also relevant even as singles in courtship, and you must seek counsel urgently when you notice any of them. It will be detrimental to ignore them and proceed to the wedding.
One of the most unpleasant points in a marriage is when a wife closes down her spirit.
Women are often more profound than men.
What a man may dismiss as a harmless jest may cause a lady to suffer for days.
What you believe is a joke could become a source of contention in your marriage if you are not careful.
Amo 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
How will they move forward, how will they grow, and how will progress be made until they agree?
Is Your Wife’s Spirit Closed?
When a wife closes her spirit, prayers become ineffective, fasting becomes ineffective, and God’s favor is not assured.
What are they?
What are the telltale symptoms that a wife’s spirit has closed?
If you can locate two or three of the following, you should pay attention to your marriage and your wife.
1. She begins to criticize you
She used to be a fan of yours. She used to approach problems objectively. She used to give advice in her own unique style. But, over time, if you see she is simply criticizing, without really considering what you are saying, she is undoubtedly upset.
2. You disagree on everything.
When nothing you say makes sense, she rejects anything you say, and she appears unwilling to agree with you on anything, she has most likely closed down her spirit.
NB: Singles and Couples’ Hubs Whatsapp Meeting is Weekly. Use the links below to join and participate
Is Your Wife’s Spirit Closed?
3. When she goes silent for several days
Something is wrong if your wife abruptly withdraws and says nothing, contributes nothing and appears withdrawn.
She becomes quiet and withdraws inside her shell to express her dissatisfaction.
4. She pretends to be fatigued.
When it comes to the time to make love, she gives one of two reasons.
She tries to avoid it, and when she can’t, she lies down and lets you do what you want, but she’s bored, sad, and disconnected.
While you’re doing this, she could nearly be reading a novel. It indicates that she is in pain.
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5. Her expression is always downcast.
Her facial expressions, countenance, and mien have changed from what they were.
Her formerly vibrant smile and excitement have all faded into apparent rage and pain on her face.
She lets you know she is uncomfortable and distant when you are with friends or people you respect.
These are symptoms that she is unhappy, in pain, injured, nursing emotional wounds, and that her spirit is quickly closing down.
This is not a good place for a husband to be because your spiritual efficacy will suffer, your oil will be depleted, and your productivity will suffer.
This is not a healthy situation for the wife since her susceptibility, as well as her husband’s vulnerability, will develop and they will be easily caught
It is not where God wants you to be as a wife.
After discussing the warning signals, what are the fundamental causes and how may they be avoided?
I pray that God would bring relief to every troubled marriage and that God will intervene and bring healing in Jesus’ name.
When To Think About Breaking Up. Should we call it quits or not?
I’ll give you some useful advice today. A little heartbreak is preferable to a lifetime of heartbreak. You might wish to thoroughly consider your choices while praying before making a choice. Keeping this in mind, decisions are what ultimately define us.
1. Keep your future and destiny in mind
When falling in love, it is crucial to keep the future in mind. Can you envision him or her in your future? Is faith in harmony? Are there tasks that must be completed jointly in destiny?
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2. Think about your genotype
As an illustration, AS and AS are off-limits. Avoid deep commitments before learning about your genetics.
A few days of suffering and heartbreak are preferable to a lifetime of suffering and regret.
When To Think About Breaking Up
3. If they have not repented of their sins
If he or she is an atheist or a believer who still engages in frequent sin and shows no sign of repentance. The things of God are treated lightly, and no attempts are being made to get closer to God. He or she is not a churchgoer. You might avoid having a regretful future if you break up.
4. If a person has numerous character defects
Although nobody is flawless, some character defects cannot be overlooked. A break would be preferable if the person abuses alcohol, tobacco, womanizing, fraud, or violence in any way.
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5. If the love isn’t genuine
A breakup is a better alternative if the love is imbalanced and he or she loves you for what he or she can obtain from you. The partnership has no genuine foundation.
When To Think About Breaking Up
6. If there is widespread parental and family opposition
If after prayers, attempts, and exhausting all feasible possibilities, there is still a strong parental disapproval despite prayers, you may wish to contemplate a breakup. In the long run, it may turn out to be direction.
Remember that as God’s child, He desires the best for us and our future.
Blunt truths about Intimacy are snippets culled from Kisses and Huggs Club Devotionals over the years. Today we continue from where we left off yesterday.
19. Ladies put up some electric fence around your bodies – a no-go zone to everybody except your husband
20. Ladies, you are not philanthropists. Stop donating your body to lustful escapades that will culminate in regret
21. There is a subtle dual operation of mammon spirit and perversion spirit you must violently resist in your life
22.. God created you in His image, not as an NGO. Stop all charitable acts of sex. Live with dignity and stay with your spouse
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23. You just met two hours ago. Now you are locked up in a sexual encounter. What a generation! Something is not quite right.
24. Intimacy is not for “settling” quarrels as singles. Verbal communication should not be replaced with sexual intimacy.
25. When you mess up, God wants you to own up and repent. Don’t be like Adam who offered God an excuse. Being truthful to God about your mistake engenders His mercy!
26. Now this is strange, when you ask God for forgiveness genuinely, He forgives and forgets! Total amnesia!
27. When you go back to ask for forgiveness again, He is wondering when that happened, because He already forgot!
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28. To all women that the crowd wants to stone, Jesus tells them, I don’t condemn you! Go and sin no more!
29. Can these bones live? Too far gone into a myriad of sexual perversion & yet God brings you back into His righteousness! The driest of bones can live again!
30. Her price is far above rubies… she would not sell her body or give in to sexual compromise because of some amount of money
31. A virtuous woman protects her husband by satisfying him always sexually. She does not defraud him.
32. A lady pays the price for sexual sanctity by saying No to pre-marital or adulterous sex
33. When you respect your body, others would have no choice but also to respect your body.
We are going to be looking at a lot things about Intimacy
These punchy truths are collected from KHC Devotional over time from different days. Enjoy!
1. Sex is created by God. God in His Holiness invented it and wanted man to enjoy this height of pleasure
2. God invented a protrusion in man and a receptacle in woman, beyond the incredible bonding, God had pleasure in mind
3. “And Adam knew his wife…” (Gen. 4:1) not his girlfriend. That was how God wanted it from the beginning. In Marriage! Stop playing boyfriend – girlfriend games and tantrums. It’s not scriptural.
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4. Any form of compromise points to some selfishness, there is no love in perversion
5. Intimacy remains a balm to married couples, but a killer to singles who lack self control.
6. Intimacy is a marital glue and bonding to couples. Sex before wedding is an illegal bonding with unhealthy soul ties.
7. A true child of God whose mind is renewed will not ask for pre marital sex. He recognises that God is not pleased with such
8. If he makes a mistake, he feels dirty & repents, never to go there again. This is different from a habitual sinner, who continually lives on the iniquity lane.
9. But if he doesn’t feel remorseful, then it wasn’t a mistake. It was deliberate. Something is wrong somewhere
10. A child of God will not be comfortable with repeated sexual mistakes, he will seek to stop and run like Joseph did.
11. Running is the smartest thing to do in an atmosphere of sexual pressure and temptation. Not speaking in tongues!
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12. You cannot be more holy or spiritual than God. If God says “Flee,” don’t say “Let’s reason together!
13. So, learn to run away! Use your legs. 5 minutes before there would be sex, both parties would unusually know
14. Iniquity is perpetuated in an atmosphere of secrecy. It takes a closed door to close up your destiny! Open that door!
15. Sex is different from love, or else every prostitute will fall in love with her client
16. Singles who have pre marital sex constantly end up confused and the relationship breaks, because of violating God’s principles.
17. Adultery makes you an adulterated specimen
18. Your body is good enough, you don’t need someone fondling it to accept this fact. No man or woman can affirm you
The second question is how Delilah eventually got Samson despite Samson knowing she planned to deliver him to his foes. You can see it straight now!
Jdg 16:16 KJV And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;
She pressed him with words!
Hullo There, My Name Is Delilah
The lesson is straightforward. If you notice that a person is not the kind to relate to, disconnect immediately. If you make some room, you will be inundated with ‘words!’
Words are like spirits!
You’ll be strained with words the moment you start going on harmless dates with that improper individual. Your spirit will be so troubled that before you know it, you’ll be cooperating with things that can harm you and jeopardize your relationship with God.
Run if he or she is not a child of God! Run if he or she is not your spouse! You will compromise if you allow yourself to be pressured with words! Before you know it, with words, you will let down your guards. How did Satan get Eve? With words. He didn’t need to put a gun to her head.
Married Couples! Do not go silent on each other. Use good words to constantly oil the engine of your marriage!
Hullo There, My Name Is Delilah
Delilah’s second card is seen below:
Jdg 16:15 MSG She said, “How can you say ‘I love you’ when you won’t even trust me? Three times now you’ve toyed with me, like a cat with a mouse, refusing to tell me the secret of your great strength.”
How many times have you done this?
How many times have you heard that from guys or ladies in a courtship requesting pre-marital sex?
“If you truly love me, bla…bla…bla.”
I’ve given you two techniques utilized to ‘complete’ Samson’s fate!
Learn from their experience. For the wise, a single word suffices. God grant you the wisdom and strength to flee every ‘Delilah’ in your life!
