1. A wife, not a knife There is a difference between a wife and a knife. A knife cuts and lacerates. Such is Job’s wife who looked at him in the height of his crisis and pain and told him to curse God and die!
A wife does not give up. A good wife stays there and believes the best for her husband and home.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12 KJV)
2. A companion, not a competitor A man wants a companion in his wife. There is a difference between championship and companionship. A home is not a WWE arena. No man will feel good who thinks his wife is out to compete with him.
Competitive spirit between a couple defeats the very reason for marriage.
3. A help; not a hell You tell some men to repent of their sins or else they will go to hell. They simply laugh and tell you there is no hell hotter than the ones their wives are giving them at home. Sounds humorous, but is actually sad to hear.
Every man needs genuine help. He may not own up to it if he is overly egocentric, but the truth remains he needs help.
A woman was created to help the man. But when she decides to give him hell at home, all will not be well.
Sometimes, it is the man that pushes the woman to this point, but it is not always a good place to be in.
A joke was told of the devil invading a particular club and everybody ran away including the club owner except one man.
The devil was surprised. So he asked him,
“Are you not scared? Everybody is running from me and you are just sitting there?” The man sips his drink and calmly replied, “I am not scared of you. What can you do? I have been married to your sister for seven years, what else can you do that she has not done?
4. A friend, not a fraud Every man needs a friend. A friend is always there for you. A friend loves genuinely. Friends talk and communicate. Friends cover each other’s back. Friends want to be around each other. Friends look forward to being together.
There is no point getting married to somebody whose guts you hate.
Are you still your husband’s friend? If not, do all you can to become friends again.
If there is a courtship or marriage where the couple is no longer friends, crisis is in the corner.
5. A playmate, not a co-tenant Every man loves to play. There is a recreational tendency in every man. If he doesn’t see it in his wife, he would hang around the boys in town!
Ever wondered why your husband would leave a large LCD, curved Samsung TV at home to go and watch football in a club on a smaller TV? It is the ‘play” in the watching, the comments, the laughter, the conversations that ensues while the game is going on.
It is not wise to get so busy and leave him all alone to watch his football. Get interested; learn the names…and you will be amazed!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the wisdom of God to advance my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father, help me to be a wife indeed.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Support your spouse all the way.
Who is your neighbor? Is it the familynext to your family? The families on your street? Your friend? Your classmate? Your church friend? Who exactly is your neighbor? Why should you love your neighbor?
Let’s see what Jesus did about neighbours in the bible.
And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ Matthew 22:39 ICB
Jesus was talking about what loving someone else like you love yourself. Now ask yourself this question – “how much do I love myself?”
Thinking like this will help you take notice of how good or bad you have been treating yourself. If you are good to yourself, you will most likely treat others well and if you’re not, well, you will treat them badly.
Look at the way you think of yourself. Do you have healthy self-esteem and not self-pride. If your esteem is high, you will likely esteem others well too.
What words do you use on yourself? Are they negative words that you use to keep telling you how bad you are?
The verse above talks about how you are supposed to love someone – as yourself. And your neighbor is the nearest person to you. Not people who live beside you in the same compound or on the street. Your neighbor is whoever is close to you at any place you are.
On the bus, on the road, in class – anywhere you find yourself together with someone.
Yes, your neighbour lives beside you in the same compound or on the same street, but Jesus’ teaching wants you to see your neighbour beyond that. He wants you to see anybody you meet anywhere as your neighbour and treat them kindly just like He treats you kindly.
For instance, if you are sitting beside a young person like yourself on a bus and the person’s item falls down unnoticed by them, you should help to pick and give it to them. That’s the kind of love Jesus was talking about. Not that you ignore and look the other way.
For this series we will be looking at ways you can love your neighbour as yourself. May Jesus hi you a heart of love. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, teach me how to show much love to my neighbor In Jesus’name, amen.
Action plan: Buckle up as we learn more on this topic.
Here is the concluding part of yesterday’s devotional.
We are taking masturbation as an example.
Please, note that your weakness or lust don’t have to be sexual alone, it could be gluttony, for example.
7. You have identified it as wrong, sinful and a serious weakness.
8. The next thing to do is to seek help through counsel and prayers.
Find your pastor or mentor who you can confide in and talk to that person. Let him or her counsel you and pray with you.
The moment you have taken this step, you have also become accountable in a sense. You know that there is somebody who knows what you are dealing with and who you can call anytime for quick advice. You also give that person the right and permission to check on you regularly.
9. The next thing is to spiritually guard yourself. Every weakness and lust takes place in the heart first.
Now you need to build a fence around your heart with God’s word, not once a week, but every day without fail. The moment you stop reading, studying and meditating on God’s word, you become vulnerable. This is probably the most crucial step to take in all.
Read God’s word daily without fail! This is what this ministry tries to help believers do through KHC devotionals.
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23 KJV)
10. The next thing is to destroy every trigger. There are things that aid this particular lust. That could be a friend that sends you links, some movies you have on your drives, some pornographic materials you keep and so on.
You take a practical step and destroy every trigger. You may have to disconnect from some people. Every Delilahs, Jezebels, Amnons have to go! There are people you know that once you visit them or they visit you, it will always end in feeding your weakness and land you in a sexual sin. Disconnect from such people. That is how to preserve your destiny!
Everything appearance of them, you run the other way. That is what you have to practically do on your part.
11. Learn the power of exposure. Iniquity is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. The moment you know you are about to give in to this particular lust, which is usually behind your doors, open your door, walk out and change your environment for a moment. It helps a lot that way.
That is why the Bible says ‘Flee Fornication,’ and not ‘Let’s reason together!’ Pray in the Spirit as you flee and supply some strength to your inner man. That is how to put your body under and mortify the deeds of the flesh.
12. Lastly, the scripture says walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. To walk in the Spirit means to be in step with the Holy Spirit. Ask Him everything you want to do before you do them. It is a good lifestyle that will cleanse you of all immoralities.
For example, you have made up your mind to ask Him about everything. You feel like masturbating. How do you ask, “Dear Holy Spirit, can I …..”
As those thoughts of compromising come, He raises a standard within you to crush them because you are in step with Him. That is a thought that is trying to exalt itself itself against the knowledge of God, you cast it down by the help of the Holy Spirit.
He will not lead you into a guy’s house who has intentions of forcefully sleeping with you. He will tell you, ‘Don’t go there!’ You catch the drift? He cleanses your thoughts and your words when you relate with Him on that level and gives you strength to overcome every temptation.
I pray that God will give you more strength in your inner man to confront every lust in Jesus name!
What more ways do you think can be employed to deal with weaknesses? Let me hear you in the comment section.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will fulfil purpose in Jesus name
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY As I explore more ways to deal with my weaknesses, Lord, help me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY List more ways you can confront those weaknesses.
Good students attend class regularly, pay attention during class, ask questions when they don’t understand, study after school, and repeat the process over and over till they achieve excellent grades.
Jesus has called you to be a good student of the word of God. He expects you to read and study the bible well over and over till you become excellent at it.
The bible can help you understand so many things about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Heaven, life, emotions, thoughts, actions, people, and so much more.
The bible gives you practical ways to understand your walk with Christ. It teaches you how to do so with many examples starting from the old testament to the new testament.
“Your word is like a lamp for my feet and a light for my way.” Psalm 119:105 ICB
“All scripture is inspired by God, and is useful for teaching and for showing people what is wrong in their lives. It is useful for correcting faults and teaching how to live right. Using the scriptures, the person who serves God will be ready and will have everything he needs to do every good work” 2 Timothy 3:16-17. ICB
Everything you need for your walk with Christ can be found in God’s word. Jesus wants you to use all of it to become a strong, sensible, and informed Christian. One who can understand what is not good and how to deal with bad thoughts and stay away from bad friends.
I pray that the Lord will help you to read and study the word. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, Jesus, I want to be a student of the word. Teach me as I read and study Your word. In Your mighty name I pray, amen.
Action plan: Pick your bible, a writing pad and a pen and start to study the word.
Marriage is often time associated with wine, because our union with our spouse is supposed to bring joy to us.
The marriage ceremony itself is a joyous occasion with the bride and groom looking their best. Everyone is happy, lots of food to eat and drinks, music, dancing and the exuberance of finding the love of your life.
All these sum up to give joy and excitement. Both for the new couples, the parents, families, the couples’ friends and all.
But a few years down the lane we see that joy almost vanished from the face of the once over joyed couple. Why is this?
We may have differentreason why, but I want to point to us that the devil is the real culprit here.
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10:10 AMPC
The above scripture identifies the devil as a thief who come to steal if not stopped, graduates to kill and then finally to destroy. Bringing to total ruins, both what you desire and what you have laboured for. He destroys legacy of families and what they stand for.
The devil is the one that steals joy from marriages. He does this through several means and does it in whose ever marriage he is allowed to perform his three-fold agenda and mission.
Every believers’ marriage is precious and priceless. The devil hates anything joyous, good and glorious. He is attracted to it, to steal from it, kill and destroy it.
The devil is not just a nuisance, he is an enemy. That is the fact and the truth. You must always take the offensive against his onslaught.
The scripture in John 10:10 didn’t just say that the devil cometh to steal, kill and destroy. It concluded that ‘I am come that they might have or enjoy life and it more abundantly.
For every of the attempt of the devil to steal the joy of and in your marriage whether by misunderstanding, strife, unforgiveness, infidelity, sin of different types, anger, works of the flesh et cetera, Jesus also came.
He came once and for all to deal with the three-fold agenda of devil. Jesus is not only the answer to the problem, He is much more than that.
It is not your wife or your husband that is hurting you or cheating on you. Am I saying we should not take responsibility for our actions? No, I didn’t say that.
We take responsibility and deal with the root cause of the issue. The devil hides under the works of the flesh or sin to carry out his three-fold agenda.
Begin to insist on your joy, peace in marriage, prosperity and every good thing Jesus already paid for there.
Therefore with joy will you draw water from the wells of salvation. Isaiah 12:3 AMPC
Joy in your marriage is not just having a good behaviour. You need your joy to draw from the well of salvation. No wonder the devil is after your joy.
Without joy, you cannot draw. You can speak in tongues, fast and pray but you also need joy. When devil throws different issues at you, he is after your joy. Insist on your joy. Respond in joy to any attack on your marriage. It is an overflowing joy, the joy that is full of glory.
Laugh at the face of lack. You begin to draw wealth and prosperity from the well of salvation.
Let nothing steal your joy. Be joyful with the wife of your youth.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Nothing will steal my joy. I have joy in the Holy Ghost
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for grace to reach my destiny in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:12 MSG God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
1. The first thing I want to mention is that everybody knows what his weakness or weaknesses are. You know yours; I know mine.
2. Once you know, it is good for you to acknowledge and accept that there is a weakness.
A lot of people live in denial, never accepting or owning up to what is obvious. It is self-deception, nothing more. Such people can argue with you till tomorrow on what is already too obvious.
3. After you accept that there is a weakness or a particular lust; then you are opened to help.
This is important because you cannot help a man who thinks he doesn’t need help. It is a difficult venture trying to help a man that thinks you are the one that needs help.
4. Having known this, it is important to know that your weakness is not a sin, it is the weakness that you refuse to confront that leads you into sin and becomes a lust.
5. Know in the background that God has made a way of escape for you in any kind of temptation you find yourself, so it is just simple sense that you turn to God and not trust that you can handle it yourself.
6. Tomorrow, we will pick a particular lust and see how we can practically confront it by being accountable in order to deal with it. We will be talking about masturbation.
I pray that God will help you to deal with any issues you have through these practically proven steps.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will fulfil purpose. I will fulfil destiny.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for the grace to deal with my weaknesses practically.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Practically confront those weaknesses today.
No man is an island is a commonsaying that talks about the state of staying away and alone from others. It is not a good thing. This is why fellowship is important
Paul speaking in Gal, 3 said this:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
According to this, in heaven there will be no restrictions due to race, sex or social standing. It will all be about if you had Jesus or not.
This is not only going to be like this in heaven, but here also on earth. You are not meant to relate with people because of their sex, race or social standing in the society or school. It should be because they are born-again just like you. It should be because they are Christians just like you. Not because they are popular or have the best gadgets at home. Or because their parents are rich or their shoes are fine or they smell nice. What should matter is that they are born-again Christians.
As a Christian you should join other believers to worship God and for bible study at school, in church and every other place the followers of Christ gather to hear about God.
Jesus expects you to be in the midst and in constant connection to other believers. That way you don’t lose your calling as a Christian, you learn more about God and His word, and much more.
If you are not connected regularly to other believers, it opens up the door for the devil to introduce what being a Christian is not to you. You start to learn new things that could be harmful to you.
Another reason why you should be with other believers is that when you are lost, they can help to show you the way back home to God.
May the Lord help you to remain connected to the fellowship of believers. Amen
Prayer: Lord. Help me not to neglect the fellowship of the brethren. Help me to stay connected. Amen.
Action point: What gathering of believers do you need to join now?
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of communication and become an intimate couple. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
We stopped at level 3 communication. Today, we will be looking at levels 4 and 5.
Level 4: Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you, How I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves. Because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that, thats the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. Am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse feelings.
It is difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are 2 very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’. ‘I feel, the car will break down’ ‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered. When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couple should aim at growing together into this fourth level of Communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
There is still the fifth level which is highest level of Communication.
Level 5 of Communication.
Loving, Genuine Truth Talk
‘Let’s Be Honest’.
This level allows us to speak the truth in love. It is a place of honesty without condemnation.
Most couples are finding out that such open, honest and loving communication enhances a much deeper level of intimacy. Where couples can share their feelings and thoughts without feeling unsafe. Both have a sense of safety and security. This requires an attitude of acceptance.
You know your spouse understands you even if they don’t agree with you.
We can always agree to disagree without shaming ourselves or making us look like less smart.
We can have differing opinions and still be friends. No hurts, no guilt, no condemnation and we are still good to go.
We can’t be the same. Remember, acceptance is the key.
We may start out on the first level of Communication, bit please don’t let us remain there.
As a couple we should aim at moving higher in the way we relate, understand and communicate with each other.
This will require certain level of work and being intentional about getting to understand your spouse.
The higher we grow in our Kevel of communicating with ourselves the more intimate we grow with our spouse.
I pray God will grant us wisdom and grace and help is all to communicate better in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:22 KJV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Yesterday, we began this discussion on how to confront addictions and bad habits.
We mentioned three points:
1. Be honest with God 2. Nail down a stake 3. Connect with God’s power
Here is the conclusion.
4. Renew your mind This is absolutely important. How do you renew your mind? By reading and studying God’s word regularly.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2 KJV)
Here is Message translation:
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
5. Focus your eyes You need to focus your eyes and stop all the bad habits. For example, if you view pornography on your phones or tab which leads to other Jeru trip, simply stop viewing those things. Don’t walk down to a cyber-café, knowing what will happen there.
6. Control your body Put your body under. Your body is not supposed to be giving direction or instructions. Your body is supposed to take instructions from your recreated human spirit.
7. Confide in a friend/mentor Have somebody you trust that you can talk to. Sin is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. Whatever you expose loses its power. Make sure you have somebody you can confide in.
8. Avoid tempting situations Do not go to compromising areas. Do not feed your weaknesses. While trying to fix a bad habit, it is a wrong time to attend a night party. If you have a problem with Jeru trip with a certain guy or lady, then don’t pack your bags to go and spend the weekend there! If you have issues with a married man or woman, stop picking the calls and stop going with him or her to Guesthouses!
9. Press on despite failures One mistake, while you try to stand straight, does not end it all. Press on, and never give up in your resolve to destroy what is attempting to destroy you. A just man may fall seven times, but He rises up again. He doesn’t stay down!
10. Go for total victory. Go for total victory because victory is in your DNA. You are designed to win. Jesus won on your behalf.
I pray for you this morning, you will not fail and you will not miss it. I declare your courtship/marriage blessed this day! You will not be cut off in the midst of your days. You will fulfill your destiny. I curse every distraction in your life. I come against every militating spirit against your destiny. I cancel every handwriting and ordinance against you. I break and severe you from every strange soul ties and I proclaim your freedom this day in Jesus name. Whosoever the son shall set free shall be free indeed, so I proclaim you free in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am helped by God to confront addictions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the strength to confront any known addiction in my life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Job 31:1 KJV I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to stop all forms of compromise and confront addictions slowing you down
We live in a world where negative things are so rampant that they are all over the place. We pick habits here and there largely from the environment and from friends. Some of these habits are unhealthy for us in many ways. This may include drinking, smoking, sleeping around, gambling, masturbation, pornography, and so on.
When you have an issue you are dealing with, there are steps to take to overcome them and we are going to be looking at these steps this morning in a general sense. Whatever situation you find yourself in and whatever issues you are dealing with, there are always ways to overcome them.
In the scriptures, God has not left us helpless. He has designed ways out for us in any mess or situation we find ourselves in. In fact, He has wrought victory for us in every area of our lives.
The strategy of the devil is to take advantage of our ignorance. When you are not filled with God’s word, you will not be able to walk in the fullness of the victory that God has wrought for us.
The word of God strengthens. The word of God equips. The word of God sets free. Sin is not supposed to have dominion over us again. We have been made free! For example, many believers are still under the influence of habitual sins. May still drink. Many still masturbate. These habitual sins may be prevalent, but they are not supposed to be the norm.
Why is it important to confront habitual sins? You have to work at stopping habitual sins so that you can grow in God, enjoy the fullness of His blessings, and fulfill your ministry.
Here are ten general steps you can take to deal with any habitual sin in your life.
1. Be honest with God
This is the first step. You have to be sincere with God. You have to come clean for God to help you. Never try to deceive God. He knows all things and He sees all things. But God wants accountability. That was why He asked Adam, “Where art thou?” The scriptures says, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked…” So when you go before God, be truthful. Before Jacob’s name was changed from a deceiver to a Prince, he was asked, “What is thy name?” and He had to answer truthfully.
2. Nail down a stake
A stake is used to identify an important spot or the beginning of a journey. Decide before God to put a stop to it. The scripture says sin shall not have dominion over you. Make up your mind and ask God to help you. Don’t just continue living hopelessly and helplessly.
3. Connect with God’s power
You will need God’s power. There are habits you cannot overcome in your own strength. God never designed you to overcome them in your own strength or wisdom. As a believer, you have been configured to survive with the help of the Holy Spirit. Connect with that power and walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
I will stop here for today and continue tomorrow by showing us more ways to confront addictions.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am helped by God to confront addictions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the strength to confront any known addiction in my life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Job 31:1 KJVI made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to stop all forms of compromise and confront addictions slowing you down
We started on the topic “Five levels of communication” yesterday. We learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.
It can’t be over emphasised, that intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of communication to the other levels.
There are 5 levels of Communication.
1. The Halfway talker In this type of conversation, no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on auto-drive.
You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example, ‘How are you doing?’. ‘Fine’. ‘How are the kids?’ They have gone to school.’
The essence of communicating with each other is to develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage. Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity, and transparency?
Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.
You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.
If couples are not careful or well discerning, 20 years of their married life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hallway’ method of communicating.
They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse was just coping and not really pleased with each other.
The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.
2. Reporter’s Talk This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.
Here, more information is given but stills this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level 2 communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.
If you are at this level 2 communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be endangered.
Remember, level 2 communication is summarised, ‘Just give me the facts’.
Level 3: Intellectual Talk At this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.
It is recognising the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with different perspective, view point and way of reasoning.
Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each others’ thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.
When we recognize our weaknesses and strengths and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another, we will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air our opinions.
This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
Example,
‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
I will continue on the levels of communication tomorrow by Gods grace.
May God grant us more understanding in Jesus name. God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:22 KJV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The sixthday of creation was the mother of all days.
God created animals of all kinds and again commanded them to multiply.
Gen. 1:25 ICB So God made the wild animals, the tame animals and all the small crawling animals to produce more of their own kind. And God saw that this was good.”
He went on further to create man
Gen. 1:26 ICB Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image and likeness.
He saw the need to put someone in charge of the whole earth He just created.
Gen. 1: 26 “…And let them rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky. Let them rule over the tame animals, over all the earth and over all the small crawling animals on the earth.”
He commanded man to rule the earth, name them as he deemed fit.
So, the last day was the day that birthed both man and his control over the whole creation.
Just imagine for a moment…what if God hadn’t created man? Who would have been in charge of it all? Why were animals and man created last?
God is a God of process. He follows through one step at a time.
Creation not only tells us about what God created but, how He did it, why He did, and for whom?
May the Lord continue to strengthen you. Amen.
Prayer point: Thank you Father for the whole day of creation. You made it all for me. Thank you.
Action point: Try to imagine how the earth was at creation.
I want to show you some things this morning from God’s word. By taking heed to these things, you can appropriate all necessary to make God answer your prayers and prepare yourself for an exuberantly beautiful love life.
The ways of God are not our ways! In fact, the ways we think and process things are far different from the way God thinks and processes things. The challenge is that our success in relationship, marriage, and life is the degree to which our thoughts and ways are aligned to God’s ways and thoughts!
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV)
When a man begins to think like God, it is the beginning of incredible success and astounding victories in life. No wonder the Bible says, we have the mind of Christ.
So here are few things, though not exhaustive, that you need to take heed to in your bid to maximize your relationship with God and to get aligned to the ways and thoughts of God. This will help improve your love life significantly.
1. Your relationship with God This comes top on the list. It is the first order of things. Without this, you cannot really go far in God! There has to be a relationship with God before your relationship or marriage can work the way God wants it to. It is this relationship with God that fraternizes you with the thoughts and the ways of God. Have you consciously accepted Jesus into your life? That is the beginning of success in your relationship and marriage! There are no two ways to it!
2. Your love for God Then, of course, your love for God is important. It is your love for Him that propels you and fuels you to go after Him! Your love for God should be reciprocal to His love for you because He actually loves you first!
As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. (Psalms 42:1 KJV)
3. The motive of your love You don’t develop a relationship with God because of what you want Him to do for you or what you want to get from Him, you develop a relationship with Him because you love Him! You need to get this! God does not look at actions first; He looks into the heart. He goes to the deepest intricacies of your heart and locates the motive for every action. Nobody can fool God; nobody can succeed at fooling God.
4. Your love for His word Your love for God drives you into His word. As you search His word, it fuels your love for Him the more. It is like an endless cycle of knowing God more through His word. As you know more of His word, you begin to know how He thinks and how He acts.
5. Your obedience to His word As you become a student of the word, He will begin to show you a lot of things. When you make up your mind to obey in pragmatic ways, you begin to learn His ways. It is in stepping out on His instructions that you start learning what works and what doesn’t work with God.
But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:14 KJV)
6. Your refrain from iniquity Your decision to stay away from any wrong has a long way to go in determining your answers to prayers. There is no way you can get anything from God if you are habitually stuck in something you know God does not want. The life of God that you have in you will not make you comfortable in habitual sin. It is one thing to make a mistake; it is another thing to be living habitually in sin.
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world (1 John 2:15-16 KJV)
7. Your disconnection from the old One of the reasons our prayers are not being answered is because we hold on to the old ways of doing things and old ways of thinking. But in order to move forward, we have to disconnect from mindsets and established routines as a result of our experiences in the past. You cannot use your experience to conclude on the ways of God. That one particular prayer point was not answered for eleven years does not mean you cannot get the next prayer answered in a few days!
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. (Isaiah 43:18 KJV)
8. Your acceptance of the new Your ability to think out of the box, to think beyond the norms, and to not box God will go a long way in determining your success in the things of God.
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 KJV)
God is about to make a way. It is different from the ways you know. You must be willing to believe and accept that which God wants to do in your life, and He will be able to do it. That is faith.
9. Your confessions and utterances Your words and utterances must be aligned to God’s word in your heart. Your mouth becomes your might in the things of the Spirit. You cannot be saying you believe something and yet your utterances contradict your supposed disposition. In the things of God, your confession is a profession; it is work because it is working out something!
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) (Hebrews 10:23 KJV)
10. Your associations and covering Lastly, disconnect from all ungodly associations. Do away from people that suffocate your faith and inject fear into you instead. Surround yourself with encouragers and people that lift your spirit with God’s word. Get somebody over your life to serve as a spiritual covering.
May God grant you more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I prioritize my walk with God so my love life does not suffer
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for wisdom to balance your love life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Is your love life under attack? Talk to your mentor
There are five levels of communication in marriage. Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two-way conversation that involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse to express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practice empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback, to check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation, especially in marriage, is for your partner to understand what you are saying and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the viewpoint of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop-sided.
What we see most couples practicing is a contract and not covenant marriage. This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal) when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals. The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant in which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. The wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does. It is the aim of a covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works. When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one person’s fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best-selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
Not everyone around you is saved. Some people still don’t know about Jesus Christ. They may never have heard about Him before. They could have heard but not accepted Him as their Lord and Saviour.
Some of these people may not even be around you. They could be far from you, maybe countries away. Though you can’t reach them, your prayers can.
Spend time daily in prayers for the unsaved. Pray that they will meet with Jesus Christ in one way or another. Ask that God will send His spirit to convince them or that they will meet with someone that would introduce them to Jesus. People get to meet Jesus in many different ways.
In the story of Phillip and the eunuch, the Holy Spirit took Phillip straight to meet the man in his carriage. If the disciple had not met the man, he wouldn’t have been born-again. He was reading what he couldn’t understand and needed someone to explain to him.
Some people may have heard about Jesus Christ but need to learn more about Him. Your prayers can make them get such knowledge through someone. It’s called intercession. Your interceding on their behalf, asking the Holy Spirit to convict and convince them of who Jesus is.
May the Holy Spirit give you a heart of intercession. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, I commit the unsaved into Your hands. Let them meet with Jesus. Amen,
Action Point: Say a prayer for the unsaved today and always.
“When did I see You, Jesus Christ and gave you food?”
“When you gave that hungry boy in your class food to eat at school.”
“When did I give you my clothes to wear?”
“When you gave that girl on your street your old clothes.”
The sentences above are scripted from Matthew 25:34-36.
“then the king will say to the good people on his right, ‘come. My Father has given you his blessing. Come and receive the kingdom God has prepared for you since the world was made. I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was alone and away from home, and you invited me into your house. I was without clothes, and you gave me something to wear. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’” Matt. 25: 34-36 ICB
If you read further down this chapter you will see what the people asked him and his response to them.
Jesus Christ has called you to be help for others. Give to people and not grudgingly. Give with joy because that is the best way to give.
Imagine Jesus Christ telling you this when you finally meet him? How wonderful does it sound? It sounds great to me!
Don’t look down on the poor and needy. Instead, be a help to them. Share with others who don’t have as much as you do. Give your time and effort towards helping a classmate understand a lesson at school. Comfort a friend who has lost a loved one. Follow a friend to visit a sick family member in the hospital. Pray for a friend whose family is going through a hard financial period. Ask your parents if you can take foodstuff to them.
What you can do for the poor and needy is plenty. Ask the Lord for how to help them.
May the Lord make you a helper to the poor and needy. Amen.
Prayer: My Lord, Jesus Christ, teach me to give to others. Show me ways I can be of help to the poor and needy. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
Action point: Is there a friend or neighbor who you think will need some of the clothes you don’t wear anymore? Ask your parents for approval first.
In today’s devotional we will be looking at how to make your spouse love you forever.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33 KJV)
In marriage, there is a joining of the man unto the wife, not just physically, but spiritually as well. But here, we see that the physical is even more emphasized. They two shall become ONE FLESH! Isn’t that interesting?
We can now understand the confusion and disorder that comes into play when two people who are not yet married are trying to become one flesh! That is clearly not God’s order! Jeru trip is for married people! Period!
How can two people become one flesh for God’s sake? That sounds so impossible! What is the full implication of that?
Well, in the next verse, Apostle Paul simply admitted that this is a great mystery that he himself does not understand fully. But there is one thing he said he knows, and that is the fact that the way Christ treats the church is the way husbands should treat their wives.
How did Christ love the church? Christ loves the church even as himself. That is why he now said in verse 33:
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
In order words, marriage is a mystery, I don’t fully understand it, it is kind of complex, NEVERTHELESS… Husbands, love your wife, wives, reverence your husband!
Take a look at verse 31 – 33 in Message translation:
31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
I know it is a mystery. I know women are difficult to satisfy. I know men can be egotistical. I know both parties can be so selfish…I don’t really understand how two unlikely people are to come together in marriage, but one thing is clear, and that is all you need to know. I know the way Christ treats the church! This is how to treat your spouse
That demystifies it all. That unravels that which has been a puzzle! That brings the enigma out of the complexity! That changes the equation and solves it! If I can study God’s word as man or as a lady and follow the examples thereof, marriage is easy and enjoyable! If I can follow and do the same thing Christ does in treating the church and treat my wife likewise, Lobatan! (That’s all)
Why follow the example of Christ? See it right there in verse 33 MSG
And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Christ gives us a good picture of how a husband should treat his wife, and how each wife is to honour her husband.
Christ is patiently waiting for the church as the bridegroom. So treat your spouse by following Christ’s example, I know as a man, I am supposed to wait for my bride and not demand Jeru Trips before the wedding day!
Let’s break verse 33 down a little bit more because that is the way you are supposed to treat each other in a pragmatic way. Let’s take a look at the amplified version.
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
Okay we see it clearly now:
Husband’s responsibilities
1. Love your wife 2. Love your wife as you love yourself
Wife’s responsibilities
1. Respect your husband 2. Reverence your husband 3. Notice him 4. Regard him 5. Honour him 6. Prefer him 7. Venerate him 8. Esteem him 9. Defer to him 10. Praise him 11. Love him 12. Admire him exceedingly!
I don’t know how to satisfy my husband. I just don’t understand him. Seek to do all the above, you will be amazed. The scripture cannot be broken!
I don’t know what else to do to my wife. She is difficult to satisfy!
Love her as you love yourself! Not too much story! God knows the man doesn’t like too much story, so he gave you in one simple logical explanation; lest you say they are too many, simply love her as you love yourself. What you wouldn’t do to yourself, don’t do it to her! God knows the woman like stories, so He gave it to her using many words! Both parties know what to do. No more excuse!
May God grant more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I know how to treat my spouse or spouse-to-be
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will open the eyes of your understanding the more to understand these mysteries.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (Ephesians 5:28 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to follow Christ’s example
Ade grew up in a family where he was never loved. The only love he understood was the constant criticism he got from his mother who thought the only way to make a child responsible was to use very harsh words. His father left many scars on his body from the buckles of belts that lacerated his body on different occasions. He never knew what real love was.
Angie’s case was not different. It was not so much of physical beatings, but the emotional abuses were as intense as the physical abuse that she grew up with. She grew up in self-hate never accepting herself and always believing something was wrong with her. Even though she was a beautiful girl, she never believed that because her parents never appreciated her once.
The harsh words and negative language from her parents in her growing years were like seeds that grew up into gigantic oaks, reaching out with their branches and limiting her from making any meaningful progress in life.
Ade and Angie met later in life and got married. Both had dysfunctional backgrounds, they never loved themselves and so they could not love each other. The same use of harsh words that Angie so hated became her weapon against Ade. The same beatings that Ade endured and hated became his lifestyle as he physically abused Angie several times.
They were both at each other’s throats demanding from each other what they never experienced and what they could not offer. They found themselves doing exactly what they loathed. The abused had become the abusers! Eventually, their seven months old marriage ended in divorce.
They both think something was wrong with the other, and they were right!
One of the things you need to understand about life is the fact that you have to love yourself first.
You can never find true love when you don’t love yourself truly! Nobody has a business loving you without loving yourself first! Most of the time, we try to cover this self-hate with some activities like sports or some hobbies. But the issues remain deep down, waiting to surface at any provocation.
Ladies often cover it with nice clothes and make-up, and a very good mask, but all that never solves the deep-seated need to love yourself appropriately.
If you are already married, you need to ask yourself, do I love myself the way I should? If you don’t, you will keep having issues with your spouse! You will keep demanding from your spouse what he or she can never offer you.
Most times, it is only God and you that can offer you that which you are looking for in your spouse! So, stop putting unnecessary pressure on your spouse! The scenario becomes even more intense when the couple is both entangled in the mesh of self-hate!
What does the scriptures say?
That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. (Philemon 1:6 KJV)
You see, this is powerful! Your faith in God, the result you get in God as you relate with Him becomes effectual or productive when you acknowledge or accept every good thing that is in you!
You have to love yourself before your faith becomes effective. You have to stop all the self-hate and believe that God has a plan for you! You have to learn to stop thinking and dwelling on negative thoughts that pull you down and weigh you down. You have to fill your heart with God’s word instead, which promises you a glorious present and an incredibly blessed future!
You have to stop seeking love from guys as you offer your body for one after the other, as you can never find the answer you are desperately searching for that way! That answer is only in God! You can only find rest in God!
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)
I always love this in Message translation. It says
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Jesus says I will show you real rest. I will show you how to really love yourself and be loved. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace! You will discover that loving yourself can be so easy.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the love of God. I love myself.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom in the area of loving yourself.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of your life and see areas where you haven’t been loving yourself enough.
Christ has called you to be a light in a troubled and dark world.
“You are the light that gives light to the world. A city that is built on a hill cannot be hidden. And people don’t hide a light under a bowl. They put the light on a lampstand. Then the light shines for all the people in the house. In the same way, you should be light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do. Live so that they praise your Father in heaven.” Matt. 5:14-16 ICB.
The verses above vividly tell you one of the ways Christ has called us to be – be a light to the world. Just like it’s written in the passages above, why would anyone light a lamp and put it under their bed? Why would you not want to let others know about the wonderful love God has for everyone through Christ?
Light is supposed to make what is in the dark known to those in the dark. People who are yet to know Jesus are in the dark. They are lost, hopeless, and lonely. You are supposed to offer them hope and love through your light (telling them about Jesus).
Jesus has called you to be a light and not to hide your light. Put your light on a lampstand to shine to others so they may see and follow the way to Jesus.
Doing good is another way of showing your light to others. Your actions and words must show how good you are which is also a reflection of the Spirit of God in you. So, when you do good, you are saying to the world “I have God’s spirit in me.”
May the Lord help you today to make your light shine to the world. Amen.
Prayer: Jesus, I want my light to shine to the whole world. Show me practical ways I can do this. In Your mighty name, I pray, amen.
Action point: What light are you showing today? Good or bright light? Read John 1:4.
Seeing marriage as a covenant relationship and not as a contract relationship will help you love your wife with tender, loving care just as Christ loves the Church. The way Ephesians 5; 25-32 describes.
There is nothing wrong in loving your wife. There is nothing wrong in thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you do that.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
How do you love your wife appropriately?
It is when you see her with the eyes of Christ and deal with her as such in every area and aspect of your marriage.
1. For a woman, jeru trip does not start in the night with your wife. For a lady, it is an all-day affair right from when she wakes up, the way you greet her, the words you say to her, what you do for her while she is in the kitchen, the texts you send to her at work, the calls you give her, the chat you had with her, the chocolates you bought for her on your way home, the tender, loving care (TLC) you show her all day long and so on. This is what makes her totally give herself to you!
Try some of these and you will discover that your wife is not frigid like you thought, you will discover that she actually enjoys you in bed contrary to what you have always thought.
As married couples, you protect your body by learning to be patient with her. It takes a man to be ready in less than twenty seconds, but it takes a woman, an average of twenty minutes! It is an archaic husband that gets into the bedroom and rushes his wife:
“Mama Zerubabel, Come here! Lie down!” No!!!
2. Never lift your hands against her Don’t let quarrels degenerate to physical abuse. There will be quarrels, mostly because of different opinions, outlooks, temperaments, and beliefs, but in all of that, you must realize that you are one! Don’t attack each other. Guys, be patient. She will not be exactly like you.
Your duplicate is not needed. What is needed is a helper. You may seem more logical, but you are not as intuitive. You may be able to seal a business deal, but you may not be able to sense a wrong business partner as she will. You see, the devil wants you to fight all the time. That way, he knows your prayers will not be answered. Don’t cooperate with him. Love each other always. And let God bless you!
A marriage that God delights in is always a blessing.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to love my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will teach you the skills needed in loving your wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
