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We started on the topic “Five levels of communication” yesterday. We learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.

It can’t be over emphasised, that intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of communication to the other levels.

There are 5 levels of Communication.

1. The Halfway talker
In this type of conversation, no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on auto-drive.

You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example,
‘How are you doing?’.
‘How are the kids?’
They have gone to school.’

The essence of communicating with each other is to develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage. Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity, and transparency?

Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.

You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.

If couples are not careful or well discerning, 20 years of their married life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hallway’ method of communicating.

They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse was just coping and not really pleased with each other.

The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.

2. Reporter’s Talk
This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.

Here, more information is given but stills this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level 2 communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.

If you are at this level 2 communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be endangered.

Remember, level 2 communication is summarised, ‘Just give me the facts’.

Level 3:  Intellectual Talk
At this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.

It is recognising the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with different perspective, view point and way of reasoning.

Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each others’ thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.

When we recognize our weaknesses and strengths and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another, we will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air our opinions.

This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.


‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’
‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.

It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband wife conversations.

Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.

I will continue on the levels of communication tomorrow by Gods grace.

May God grant us more understanding in Jesus name. God bless our marriage

I know how to communicate with my wife

Lord, give me wisdom

Eph 5:22 KJV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Talk to your spouse

1 Tim 5


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