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Ade grew up in a family where he was never loved. The only love he understood was the constant criticism he got from his mother who thought the only way to make a child responsible was to use very harsh words. His father left many scars on his body from the buckles of belts that lacerated his body on different occasions. He never knew what real love was.

Angie’s case was not different. It was not so much of physical beatings, but the emotional abuses were as intense as the physical abuse that she grew up with. She grew up in self-hate never accepting herself and always believing something was wrong with her. Even though she was a beautiful girl, she never believed that because her parents never appreciated her once.

The harsh words and negative language from her parents in her growing years were like seeds that grew up into gigantic oaks, reaching out with their branches and limiting her from making any meaningful progress in life.

Ade and Angie met later in life and got married. Both had dysfunctional backgrounds, they never loved themselves and so they could not love each other. The same use of harsh words that Angie so hated became her weapon against Ade. The same beatings that Ade endured and hated became his lifestyle as he physically abused Angie several times.

They were both at each other’s throats demanding from each other what they never experienced and what they could not offer. They found themselves doing exactly what they loathed. The abused had become the abusers! Eventually, their seven months old marriage ended in divorce.

They both think something was wrong with the other, and they were right!

One of the things you need to understand about life is the fact that you have to love yourself first.

You can never find true love when you don’t love yourself truly! Nobody has a business loving you without loving yourself first! Most of the time, we try to cover this self-hate with some activities like sports or some hobbies. But the issues remain deep down, waiting to surface at any provocation.

Ladies often cover it with nice clothes and make-up, and a very good mask, but all that never solves the deep-seated need to love yourself appropriately.

If you are already married, you need to ask yourself, do I love myself the way I should? If you don’t, you will keep having issues with your spouse! You will keep demanding from your spouse what he or she can never offer you.

Most times, it is only God and you that can offer you that which you are looking for in your spouse! So, stop putting unnecessary pressure on your spouse! The scenario becomes even more intense when the couple is both entangled in the mesh of self-hate!

What does the scriptures say?

That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. (Philemon 1:6 KJV)

You see, this is powerful! Your faith in God, the result you get in God as you relate with Him becomes effectual or productive when you acknowledge or accept every good thing that is in you!

You have to love yourself before your faith becomes effective. You have to stop all the self-hate and believe that God has a plan for you! You have to learn to stop thinking and dwelling on negative thoughts that pull you down and weigh you down. You have to fill your heart with God’s word instead, which promises you a glorious present and an incredibly blessed future!

You have to stop seeking love from guys as you offer your body for one after the other, as you can never find the answer you are desperately searching for that way! That answer is only in God! You can only find rest in God!

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)

I always love this in Message translation. It says

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus says I will show you real rest. I will show you how to really love yourself and be loved. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace! You will discover that loving yourself can be so easy.

I have the love of God. I love myself.

Pray for wisdom in the area of loving yourself.

The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31 ESV)

Take an inventory of your life and see areas where you haven’t been loving yourself enough.

1 Tim 3


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