We started on the topic “Five levels of communication” yesterday. We learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.
It can’t be over emphasised, that intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of communication to the other levels.
There are 5 levels of Communication.
1. The Halfway talker In this type of conversation, no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on auto-drive.
You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example, ‘How are you doing?’. ‘Fine’. ‘How are the kids?’ They have gone to school.’
The essence of communicating with each other is to develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage. Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity, and transparency?
Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.
You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.
If couples are not careful or well discerning, 20 years of their married life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hallway’ method of communicating.
They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse was just coping and not really pleased with each other.
The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.
2. Reporter’s Talk This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.
Here, more information is given but stills this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level 2 communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.
If you are at this level 2 communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be endangered.
Remember, level 2 communication is summarised, ‘Just give me the facts’.
Level 3: Intellectual Talk At this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.
It is recognising the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with different perspective, view point and way of reasoning.
Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each others’ thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.
When we recognize our weaknesses and strengths and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another, we will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air our opinions.
This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
Example,
‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
I will continue on the levels of communication tomorrow by Gods grace.
May God grant us more understanding in Jesus name. God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:22 KJV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The sixthday of creation was the mother of all days.
God created animals of all kinds and again commanded them to multiply.
Gen. 1:25 ICB So God made the wild animals, the tame animals and all the small crawling animals to produce more of their own kind. And God saw that this was good.”
He went on further to create man
Gen. 1:26 ICB Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image and likeness.
He saw the need to put someone in charge of the whole earth He just created.
Gen. 1: 26 “…And let them rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky. Let them rule over the tame animals, over all the earth and over all the small crawling animals on the earth.”
He commanded man to rule the earth, name them as he deemed fit.
So, the last day was the day that birthed both man and his control over the whole creation.
Just imagine for a moment…what if God hadn’t created man? Who would have been in charge of it all? Why were animals and man created last?
God is a God of process. He follows through one step at a time.
Creation not only tells us about what God created but, how He did it, why He did, and for whom?
May the Lord continue to strengthen you. Amen.
Prayer point: Thank you Father for the whole day of creation. You made it all for me. Thank you.
Action point: Try to imagine how the earth was at creation.
12 Demonic Strongmen That Must Be Overcome (Part 2) was taught by Rev. Dunamis Okunowo on the 16th of June 2021 at Shouts of Grace Center, Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija-UI Road, Ibadan. Read Part 1 of this teaching HERE
In his teaching, Rev. Dunamis made mention of the following important points:
It doesn’t take sex to defile your soul; it takes uncleanliness.
You have the responsibility to decide for God. Don’t live your life as though you own it; live it for God.
12 Demonic Strongmen (cont’d)
4. Spirit of Heaviness
To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”
Isaiah 61:3 (NKJV)
This spirit is in charge of mental illness, fatigue, hopelessness, depression, oppression, exhaustion, despair, paranoia.
It is manifested through rejection, suicidal thoughts, excessive mourning, broken heart, self-pity, insomnia, dejection, etc.
When you bind this spirit, you then loose the spirit of joy.
5. The Spirit of Antichrist
and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.
1 John 4:3 (NKJV)
This spirit controls every cult, creed, or religion that rejects Jesus as LORD and Saviour, and rejects the trinity.
It manifests in disturbance of service, causing strife among members, opposing evangelistic efforts, and driving members away with their habits and carelessness.
6.The Spirit of Whoredom/Harlot
My people ask counsel from their wooden idols, And their staff informs them. For the spirit of harlotry has caused them to stray, And they have played the harlot against their God.
Hosea 4:12 (NKJV)
This spirit controls competition with God, ambition in the workplace if used to put others down, good looks and beauty including cosmetic surgery, the love of money, material possessions and corruption.
It manifests in chronic dissatisfaction, love of money, fornication, idolatry, excessive appetite, unfaithfulness/adultery, spirit prostitution (jumping from one church to another), soul prostitution (emotional adultery), body prostitution (actual physical prostitution – fornication, adultery, etc)
You must learn to bind the operation of these demonic strongmen in your life.
To listen to messages of Rev Dunamis, go HERE or HERE
I want to show you some things this morning from God’s word. By taking heed to these things, you can appropriate all necessary to make God answer your prayers and prepare yourself for an exuberantly beautiful love life.
The ways of God are not our ways! In fact, the ways we think and process things are far different from the way God thinks and processes things. The challenge is that our success in relationship, marriage, and life is the degree to which our thoughts and ways are aligned to God’s ways and thoughts!
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV)
When a man begins to think like God, it is the beginning of incredible success and astounding victories in life. No wonder the Bible says, we have the mind of Christ.
So here are few things, though not exhaustive, that you need to take heed to in your bid to maximize your relationship with God and to get aligned to the ways and thoughts of God. This will help improve your love life significantly.
1. Your relationship with God This comes top on the list. It is the first order of things. Without this, you cannot really go far in God! There has to be a relationship with God before your relationship or marriage can work the way God wants it to. It is this relationship with God that fraternizes you with the thoughts and the ways of God. Have you consciously accepted Jesus into your life? That is the beginning of success in your relationship and marriage! There are no two ways to it!
2. Your love for God Then, of course, your love for God is important. It is your love for Him that propels you and fuels you to go after Him! Your love for God should be reciprocal to His love for you because He actually loves you first!
As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. (Psalms 42:1 KJV)
3. The motive of your love You don’t develop a relationship with God because of what you want Him to do for you or what you want to get from Him, you develop a relationship with Him because you love Him! You need to get this! God does not look at actions first; He looks into the heart. He goes to the deepest intricacies of your heart and locates the motive for every action. Nobody can fool God; nobody can succeed at fooling God.
4. Your love for His word Your love for God drives you into His word. As you search His word, it fuels your love for Him the more. It is like an endless cycle of knowing God more through His word. As you know more of His word, you begin to know how He thinks and how He acts.
5. Your obedience to His word As you become a student of the word, He will begin to show you a lot of things. When you make up your mind to obey in pragmatic ways, you begin to learn His ways. It is in stepping out on His instructions that you start learning what works and what doesn’t work with God.
But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:14 KJV)
6. Your refrain from iniquity Your decision to stay away from any wrong has a long way to go in determining your answers to prayers. There is no way you can get anything from God if you are habitually stuck in something you know God does not want. The life of God that you have in you will not make you comfortable in habitual sin. It is one thing to make a mistake; it is another thing to be living habitually in sin.
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world (1 John 2:15-16 KJV)
7. Your disconnection from the old One of the reasons our prayers are not being answered is because we hold on to the old ways of doing things and old ways of thinking. But in order to move forward, we have to disconnect from mindsets and established routines as a result of our experiences in the past. You cannot use your experience to conclude on the ways of God. That one particular prayer point was not answered for eleven years does not mean you cannot get the next prayer answered in a few days!
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. (Isaiah 43:18 KJV)
8. Your acceptance of the new Your ability to think out of the box, to think beyond the norms, and to not box God will go a long way in determining your success in the things of God.
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 KJV)
God is about to make a way. It is different from the ways you know. You must be willing to believe and accept that which God wants to do in your life, and He will be able to do it. That is faith.
9. Your confessions and utterances Your words and utterances must be aligned to God’s word in your heart. Your mouth becomes your might in the things of the Spirit. You cannot be saying you believe something and yet your utterances contradict your supposed disposition. In the things of God, your confession is a profession; it is work because it is working out something!
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) (Hebrews 10:23 KJV)
10. Your associations and covering Lastly, disconnect from all ungodly associations. Do away from people that suffocate your faith and inject fear into you instead. Surround yourself with encouragers and people that lift your spirit with God’s word. Get somebody over your life to serve as a spiritual covering.
May God grant you more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I prioritize my walk with God so my love life does not suffer
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for wisdom to balance your love life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Is your love life under attack? Talk to your mentor
There are five levels of communication in marriage. Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two-way conversation that involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse to express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practice empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback, to check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation, especially in marriage, is for your partner to understand what you are saying and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the viewpoint of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop-sided.
What we see most couples practicing is a contract and not covenant marriage. This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal) when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals. The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant in which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. The wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does. It is the aim of a covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works. When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one person’s fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best-selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
Not everyone around you is saved. Some people still don’t know about Jesus Christ. They may never have heard about Him before. They could have heard but not accepted Him as their Lord and Saviour.
Some of these people may not even be around you. They could be far from you, maybe countries away. Though you can’t reach them, your prayers can.
Spend time daily in prayers for the unsaved. Pray that they will meet with Jesus Christ in one way or another. Ask that God will send His spirit to convince them or that they will meet with someone that would introduce them to Jesus. People get to meet Jesus in many different ways.
In the story of Phillip and the eunuch, the Holy Spirit took Phillip straight to meet the man in his carriage. If the disciple had not met the man, he wouldn’t have been born-again. He was reading what he couldn’t understand and needed someone to explain to him.
Some people may have heard about Jesus Christ but need to learn more about Him. Your prayers can make them get such knowledge through someone. It’s called intercession. Your interceding on their behalf, asking the Holy Spirit to convict and convince them of who Jesus is.
May the Holy Spirit give you a heart of intercession. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, I commit the unsaved into Your hands. Let them meet with Jesus. Amen,
Action Point: Say a prayer for the unsaved today and always.
“When did I see You, Jesus Christ and gave you food?”
“When you gave that hungry boy in your class food to eat at school.”
“When did I give you my clothes to wear?”
“When you gave that girl on your street your old clothes.”
The sentences above are scripted from Matthew 25:34-36.
“then the king will say to the good people on his right, ‘come. My Father has given you his blessing. Come and receive the kingdom God has prepared for you since the world was made. I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was alone and away from home, and you invited me into your house. I was without clothes, and you gave me something to wear. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’” Matt. 25: 34-36 ICB
If you read further down this chapter you will see what the people asked him and his response to them.
Jesus Christ has called you to be help for others. Give to people and not grudgingly. Give with joy because that is the best way to give.
Imagine Jesus Christ telling you this when you finally meet him? How wonderful does it sound? It sounds great to me!
Don’t look down on the poor and needy. Instead, be a help to them. Share with others who don’t have as much as you do. Give your time and effort towards helping a classmate understand a lesson at school. Comfort a friend who has lost a loved one. Follow a friend to visit a sick family member in the hospital. Pray for a friend whose family is going through a hard financial period. Ask your parents if you can take foodstuff to them.
What you can do for the poor and needy is plenty. Ask the Lord for how to help them.
May the Lord make you a helper to the poor and needy. Amen.
Prayer: My Lord, Jesus Christ, teach me to give to others. Show me ways I can be of help to the poor and needy. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
Action point: Is there a friend or neighbor who you think will need some of the clothes you don’t wear anymore? Ask your parents for approval first.
In today’s devotional we will be looking at how to make your spouse love you forever.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33 KJV)
In marriage, there is a joining of the man unto the wife, not just physically, but spiritually as well. But here, we see that the physical is even more emphasized. They two shall become ONE FLESH! Isn’t that interesting?
We can now understand the confusion and disorder that comes into play when two people who are not yet married are trying to become one flesh! That is clearly not God’s order! Jeru trip is for married people! Period!
How can two people become one flesh for God’s sake? That sounds so impossible! What is the full implication of that?
Well, in the next verse, Apostle Paul simply admitted that this is a great mystery that he himself does not understand fully. But there is one thing he said he knows, and that is the fact that the way Christ treats the church is the way husbands should treat their wives.
How did Christ love the church? Christ loves the church even as himself. That is why he now said in verse 33:
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
In order words, marriage is a mystery, I don’t fully understand it, it is kind of complex, NEVERTHELESS… Husbands, love your wife, wives, reverence your husband!
Take a look at verse 31 – 33 in Message translation:
31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
I know it is a mystery. I know women are difficult to satisfy. I know men can be egotistical. I know both parties can be so selfish…I don’t really understand how two unlikely people are to come together in marriage, but one thing is clear, and that is all you need to know. I know the way Christ treats the church! This is how to treat your spouse
That demystifies it all. That unravels that which has been a puzzle! That brings the enigma out of the complexity! That changes the equation and solves it! If I can study God’s word as man or as a lady and follow the examples thereof, marriage is easy and enjoyable! If I can follow and do the same thing Christ does in treating the church and treat my wife likewise, Lobatan! (That’s all)
Why follow the example of Christ? See it right there in verse 33 MSG
And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Christ gives us a good picture of how a husband should treat his wife, and how each wife is to honour her husband.
Christ is patiently waiting for the church as the bridegroom. So treat your spouse by following Christ’s example, I know as a man, I am supposed to wait for my bride and not demand Jeru Trips before the wedding day!
Let’s break verse 33 down a little bit more because that is the way you are supposed to treat each other in a pragmatic way. Let’s take a look at the amplified version.
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
Okay we see it clearly now:
Husband’s responsibilities
1. Love your wife 2. Love your wife as you love yourself
Wife’s responsibilities
1. Respect your husband 2. Reverence your husband 3. Notice him 4. Regard him 5. Honour him 6. Prefer him 7. Venerate him 8. Esteem him 9. Defer to him 10. Praise him 11. Love him 12. Admire him exceedingly!
I don’t know how to satisfy my husband. I just don’t understand him. Seek to do all the above, you will be amazed. The scripture cannot be broken!
I don’t know what else to do to my wife. She is difficult to satisfy!
Love her as you love yourself! Not too much story! God knows the man doesn’t like too much story, so he gave you in one simple logical explanation; lest you say they are too many, simply love her as you love yourself. What you wouldn’t do to yourself, don’t do it to her! God knows the woman like stories, so He gave it to her using many words! Both parties know what to do. No more excuse!
May God grant more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I know how to treat my spouse or spouse-to-be
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will open the eyes of your understanding the more to understand these mysteries.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (Ephesians 5:28 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to follow Christ’s example
Ade grew up in a family where he was never loved. The only love he understood was the constant criticism he got from his mother who thought the only way to make a child responsible was to use very harsh words. His father left many scars on his body from the buckles of belts that lacerated his body on different occasions. He never knew what real love was.
Angie’s case was not different. It was not so much of physical beatings, but the emotional abuses were as intense as the physical abuse that she grew up with. She grew up in self-hate never accepting herself and always believing something was wrong with her. Even though she was a beautiful girl, she never believed that because her parents never appreciated her once.
The harsh words and negative language from her parents in her growing years were like seeds that grew up into gigantic oaks, reaching out with their branches and limiting her from making any meaningful progress in life.
Ade and Angie met later in life and got married. Both had dysfunctional backgrounds, they never loved themselves and so they could not love each other. The same use of harsh words that Angie so hated became her weapon against Ade. The same beatings that Ade endured and hated became his lifestyle as he physically abused Angie several times.
They were both at each other’s throats demanding from each other what they never experienced and what they could not offer. They found themselves doing exactly what they loathed. The abused had become the abusers! Eventually, their seven months old marriage ended in divorce.
They both think something was wrong with the other, and they were right!
One of the things you need to understand about life is the fact that you have to love yourself first.
You can never find true love when you don’t love yourself truly! Nobody has a business loving you without loving yourself first! Most of the time, we try to cover this self-hate with some activities like sports or some hobbies. But the issues remain deep down, waiting to surface at any provocation.
Ladies often cover it with nice clothes and make-up, and a very good mask, but all that never solves the deep-seated need to love yourself appropriately.
If you are already married, you need to ask yourself, do I love myself the way I should? If you don’t, you will keep having issues with your spouse! You will keep demanding from your spouse what he or she can never offer you.
Most times, it is only God and you that can offer you that which you are looking for in your spouse! So, stop putting unnecessary pressure on your spouse! The scenario becomes even more intense when the couple is both entangled in the mesh of self-hate!
What does the scriptures say?
That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. (Philemon 1:6 KJV)
You see, this is powerful! Your faith in God, the result you get in God as you relate with Him becomes effectual or productive when you acknowledge or accept every good thing that is in you!
You have to love yourself before your faith becomes effective. You have to stop all the self-hate and believe that God has a plan for you! You have to learn to stop thinking and dwelling on negative thoughts that pull you down and weigh you down. You have to fill your heart with God’s word instead, which promises you a glorious present and an incredibly blessed future!
You have to stop seeking love from guys as you offer your body for one after the other, as you can never find the answer you are desperately searching for that way! That answer is only in God! You can only find rest in God!
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)
I always love this in Message translation. It says
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Jesus says I will show you real rest. I will show you how to really love yourself and be loved. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace! You will discover that loving yourself can be so easy.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the love of God. I love myself.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom in the area of loving yourself.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of your life and see areas where you haven’t been loving yourself enough.
Christ has called you to be a light in a troubled and dark world.
“You are the light that gives light to the world. A city that is built on a hill cannot be hidden. And people don’t hide a light under a bowl. They put the light on a lampstand. Then the light shines for all the people in the house. In the same way, you should be light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do. Live so that they praise your Father in heaven.” Matt. 5:14-16 ICB.
The verses above vividly tell you one of the ways Christ has called us to be – be a light to the world. Just like it’s written in the passages above, why would anyone light a lamp and put it under their bed? Why would you not want to let others know about the wonderful love God has for everyone through Christ?
Light is supposed to make what is in the dark known to those in the dark. People who are yet to know Jesus are in the dark. They are lost, hopeless, and lonely. You are supposed to offer them hope and love through your light (telling them about Jesus).
Jesus has called you to be a light and not to hide your light. Put your light on a lampstand to shine to others so they may see and follow the way to Jesus.
Doing good is another way of showing your light to others. Your actions and words must show how good you are which is also a reflection of the Spirit of God in you. So, when you do good, you are saying to the world “I have God’s spirit in me.”
May the Lord help you today to make your light shine to the world. Amen.
Prayer: Jesus, I want my light to shine to the whole world. Show me practical ways I can do this. In Your mighty name, I pray, amen.
Action point: What light are you showing today? Good or bright light? Read John 1:4.
Seeing marriage as a covenant relationship and not as a contract relationship will help you love your wife with tender, loving care just as Christ loves the Church. The way Ephesians 5; 25-32 describes.
There is nothing wrong in loving your wife. There is nothing wrong in thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you do that.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
How do you love your wife appropriately?
It is when you see her with the eyes of Christ and deal with her as such in every area and aspect of your marriage.
1. For a woman, jeru trip does not start in the night with your wife. For a lady, it is an all-day affair right from when she wakes up, the way you greet her, the words you say to her, what you do for her while she is in the kitchen, the texts you send to her at work, the calls you give her, the chat you had with her, the chocolates you bought for her on your way home, the tender, loving care (TLC) you show her all day long and so on. This is what makes her totally give herself to you!
Try some of these and you will discover that your wife is not frigid like you thought, you will discover that she actually enjoys you in bed contrary to what you have always thought.
As married couples, you protect your body by learning to be patient with her. It takes a man to be ready in less than twenty seconds, but it takes a woman, an average of twenty minutes! It is an archaic husband that gets into the bedroom and rushes his wife:
“Mama Zerubabel, Come here! Lie down!” No!!!
2. Never lift your hands against her Don’t let quarrels degenerate to physical abuse. There will be quarrels, mostly because of different opinions, outlooks, temperaments, and beliefs, but in all of that, you must realize that you are one! Don’t attack each other. Guys, be patient. She will not be exactly like you.
Your duplicate is not needed. What is needed is a helper. You may seem more logical, but you are not as intuitive. You may be able to seal a business deal, but you may not be able to sense a wrong business partner as she will. You see, the devil wants you to fight all the time. That way, he knows your prayers will not be answered. Don’t cooperate with him. Love each other always. And let God bless you!
A marriage that God delights in is always a blessing.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to love my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will teach you the skills needed in loving your wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
There is nothing wrong with loving your wife or wife-to-be. There is nothing wrong with thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you to do that. Before you say hurray, however, there is a way you love your fiancée and there is a way you love your wife.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
This is talking to married people and not singles in courtship. It didn’t say, rejoice with the fiancée of thy youth or with your wife to be…
So verse 19 clearly establishes that God does not want you fondling and caressing each other. That is always the beginning of compromise.
When two people who are genuinely in love start petting each other, they will always do more and more each time they meet until they find themselves entangled in the web of compromise. It is called the law of progression and it happens all the time.
I know how your body feels when you are in love. I was once in love back then on the campus in the early nineties, and oh my God! Your body is mostly on fire!
You can continue to spiritualize it and deceive yourself that nothing can happen until you find yourself messing up. Or you can tell your fiancée, please, you have got to help me. I am in love with you and this is how my body feels. We must not compromise. Always caution me, if I am being inappropriate! And sometimes, it is the lady that needs to say that to the guy!
You see, when you do that, you are consciously protecting your destiny and preserving your relationship with God, which is what will make your relationship work out and lead to marriage!
How do you love a lady appropriately?
1. You are the protector of her body and her virtue A good man will say from the very first day, “I love you dearly and because of that, I have a strong physical desire each time I see you, but we will not compromise. We will obey God’s principles in order that our courtship is protected. We will put our bodies under.
I will not allow my body to take charge and give me direction, I will allow my spirit to gain ascendancy and I will not lose my testimony. You make up your mind to wait and not compromise. That way, trust will be established and your intending marriage will be founded on a good foundation.
2. Never lift your hands against her I have heard cases of singles in courtship that have been beaten severely by their fiancé. I have also had a few cases of ladies who slap the guys.
Well, you shouldn’t cope with any form of physical abuse on any level in your courtship. Don’t suffer silently thinking it will get better after marriage.
Deliver yourself like a bird and fly! If he is used to donating a few slaps here and there for you, and you still cling to him in sexual lust, something is seriously wrong. It is either he controls you with his money or there is a soul tie effected through pre-marital sex.
Whichever way, you need to deliver yourself quickly! Don’t go through all of life been treated like a doormat. You have a destiny to fulfill and don’t allow anybody to play the role of “God” in your life.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not being inappropriate. I know how to love my fiancee
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the grace to always put your body under
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide how you want to love your fiancee
12 Demonic Strongmen That Must Be Overcome was taught by Rev. Dunamis Okunowo on the 13th of June 2021 at Shouts of Grace Center, Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija-UI Road, Ibadan.
In his teaching, Rev. Dunamis made mention of the following important points:
Demons cannot operate by themselves; they embody someone who is available to use.
Demons don’t just use anybody; they use people with wrong lifestyle and amplify the evil.
Nothing just happens in the realm of the spirit; everything is an operation of a spirit – whether good or bad.
12 Demonic Strongmen
The Spirit of Jealousy
This spirit controls anger, murder, violence, cruelty, rebellion, spite, hatred, strife, contention, competition, envy, etc.
So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?
Genesis 4:6 (NKJV)
When you bind this spirit, you then loose the spirit of love
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
Ephesians 5:2 (NKJV)
2. Familiar Spirit
This is the spirit in charge of witchcraft, satanism, divination, soothsayers, juju, occult, etc.
‘Give no regard to mediums and familiar spirits; do not seek after them, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.
Leviticus 19:31 (NKJV)
When you bind this spirit, you then loose the gifts of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 12
3. Spirit of Perversion
This is the spirit in charge of every form of sexual sin – rape, lust, homosexuality, adultery, fornication, pornography, affairs, fantasy, prostitution, oral sex, anal sex, incest, masturbation, etc.
For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Ephesians 5:5 (NKJV)
To listen to messages of Rev Dunamis, go HERE or HERE
Do you know you can meet with God as a child? Let’s hear the story of Sade, a 15-year old girl who meets with God everyday. The first thing Sade does every morning is to pray to God. She has set an alarm on her phone that goes off daily at a particular time.
Once her phone starts vibrating, 15-year old Sade gets up from her bed, switches on the light in her room, and begins to pray. After praying, she picks her bible and devotional and starts to read.
This is how she begins her day.
How often do you meet with God? Do you make out time to really meet with Him or spend more time with friends and in front of the TV set or your phone?
Having a special meeting time with God is very necessary as His child. Time spent with God is time that can never be a waste because, in His presence, you will discover more than you can ever imagine.
There are several ways to meet with God. One of them is by putting aside time to spend in his presence praying, reading the bible and, listening to and, for Him to speak with you.
This time must be guarded jealously by you – ensure that nothing or no one tampers with it so that you can maintain and increase your relationship with God.
When you give God an appointment, He is never late. Instead, He will be there waiting for you to show up. So, always show up at the meeting point with God. Do everything possible within your power to keep to that time, and meet with God.
Gen 3:8a, KJV And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day:
Even in the event of things going out of your control, pray to God about it. He knows how to help you keep to the time. He can do all things. God will never allow anything or anybody rob Him of the opportunity to fellowship with you.
That’s how much He cherishes spending time with you. Learn to meet with God.
May the Lord bless you as you spend time with Him. Amen.
Prayer: Dear Lord, I want to have a regular praying time with you. And I need you to also help me keep to this time in Jesus name. Amen.
Action point: Make up your mind right now to have a regular praying time with God, to meet with God everyday.
Declaration: I will meet with God regularly. I will commune with my Father daily in prayers.
How we communicate is very vital. What is being said is important, but how it’s been said is equally important. A brother once had a dream, in the dream, he saw that each time we speak to our spouse harshly, it is like using a stick with many thorns to beat them.
How true this is. Harsh words will only breed hatred, bitterness, suspicion, rejection and more bitterness.
In the beginning, God gave man His presence, work, His Word, to cultivate (the woman), and to provide for her.
A man not in the presence of God, cannot have His word, and of course, cannot nurture his wife with the words God gave him.
You have to be able to pass across divine instructions in such a way that it is followed and obeyed by the wife. I think with each instruction, the man should also consciously ask for the wisdom and Holy Spirit’s help in passing it across and communicate it with his wife
There is always a way or method or wisdom given by the Holy spirit that will best suit your wife of husband as the case maybe.
In 1 Sam 16:1-3, we saw Samuel asked by God to go and anoint a king in the house of Jesse. He said, how can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me. He didn’t jump off with the word of the Lord. He waited and asked God for a way to present it.
Husbands, wives, let us not always run off with the word of the Lord or a word from God. Ask how to communicate it to your wife or husband.
1Sam 16:2 KJV And the Lord said, Take an heifer with thee, and say, I am come to sacrifice to the Lord.’
God taught him how to present the matter.
We will continue on this same topic tomorrow. We will look at saying it in love.
God bless your marriage. CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be distracted in the race of life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused and consistent
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. “God’s Decree. “I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you “–– God’ s Decree––” bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. (Jeremiah 29:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Thank God for where you are now in the race of life
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 28-31; Psalm 18
In itself, it is not a sin, but it will lead you into sin as there are dangers involved. All through the scriptures, you will never find where it says “thou shall not sleepover in the house of thy loved one.” But is it wise or expedient to do such a thing? No. since it is not wise, we can conclude by saying it is foolish. Therefore, it is plain foolishness to go and sleepover in his place when you are not married.
In life, some things are not necessarily sinful, but they can be dangerous. Using rat poison as a coking ingredient is not a sin, but the experimental cook may not live to tell the story!
1 Cor 6:12 (KJV) All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
See how message translation puts it;
1 Cor 6:12 (MSG) Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.
If you are planning to get married, and he does not pester you with coming over to stay in his place, and you know he doesn’t have other girlfriends he is using to “fill in the gap,” then he is a good man. You should respect that.
It is not that he doesn’t feel like having some jeru trip, it is because he is mature and he has the fear of God. Every man feels like tasting it, but if he never pesters you, you need to respect that. You don’t go and ask him if you can come over! You will be inviting the dangers that way.
As a lady, you need to understand how to allow God preserve your relationships so that it leads to marriage. It is not something you can do by yourself.
You will never be able to preserve or “insure” a relationship with jeru trip. It will never work, because that is not how God has instituted it.
Do you want to tie down a man with jeru trip? Well, he loses himself five minutes after. Then the next day, you will need to tie him again. You keep tying him and he keeps losing himself, and when he is tired of you, he will lose himself and go away forever!
You need to understand the basic difference between you both. A man is logical. When you make yourself available like that, he is wondering and thinking how many guys you are doing that for.
A lady, on the other hand, is relationship-oriented, so she thinks if she can offer her body, the deal is sealed. No, you just ruptured the deal, because, the one that really keeps a relationship is God. So when you displease God, things are not going to work.
I once spoke to a lady who called me on phone and lamented that there is a curse over her life because she cannot find a husband to marry.
Upon interviewing her, I saw where things went wrong. She is sexually involved with a married man, and somehow she still thinks that things will work out that way. She will go to church, pray, have vigils, and then go over to his place for jeru trap sessions!
She will never be found that way. The prayers and vigils are religious exercises that will amount to a waste of time and energy. That scenario is a combination of religious spirit and spirit of deception .
You see, there are things you do, and nothing will ever work out. It doesn’t matter how many deliverance sessions you have done or if you are the only person that cleans the whole church, if you keep going back to do what you are not supposed to do, you get God handicapped in doing what He wants to do in your life and you practically slow yourself down!
That is why the scripture says, “God is not mocked!”
You cannot corner God with some religious exercise!
In conclusion, God’s arms are ever open to embrace you and give you a new start when you genuinely repent and decide to regulate your life by His principles. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, “I do not condemn you, but go and sin no more!
That voice is still reverberating across generations and transcending above societal norms and technological inventions, “Go and sin no more!”
Check your life and clean up. Don’t slow yourself down.
May God grant us all more wisdom!
What other dangers do you think one might be exposed to? Let’s hear in the comment section.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not disobey God in order to please a man. I am kept from the dangers of staying over.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will deliver you from the dangers out there
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. (John 8:11 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss your weaknesses with your mentor and seek advice
