In today’s couples‘ devotionals, we will be looking at commandments for all wives on KHC. These “commandments” and principles will be the game changer in your marriage.
1. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, thou shalt love Him and thou shall ensure your relationship with God is intact. Thou shall know that is it is not by power, nor by might but by His Spirit. Thou shall know that it is not about thy beauty, thy carriage, thy acumen, thy intelligence or connections, but by the Lord thy God which helpeth thee.
2. Thou shall not double date. If thou double date, thou shall not have God’s support and favor in thy marriage. Thou shall not play games with your life or destiny. Thou shall not slow thyself down by deliberate disobedience to God’s way of doing things.
3. Thou shall not love another man apart from thy husband. Thou shall not secretly fall in love with another man either in thy heart or reality. Thou shall not practice emotional affairs. Thou shall only love and defer to thy husband for that is where the Lord commandeth His blessings. Thou shall not do anything that will render thy prayers ineffective.
4. If thou art delayed in the area of childbirth, thou shall not because of that compromise or look for other ‘alternatives’ Thou shall know that God has a plan for thy life and that waiting and trusting for that plan is the best to do. Thou shall know and believe that the thoughts of God towards you are thoughts of peace and not of evil.
5. Thou shall not succumb to the pressures at work. In your environment or from those that thou callest friends, thou shall stand as a rock and refuse to be moved. In all that thou puttest thy hands to do, thou shall make up thine mind to do it God’s way.
6. Thou shall not disrespect thy husband. Thou shall defer to him in all things in the Lord, thou shall honour him, and treat him as your head and crown. Thou shall know that if thou disrespect him whom God has set as your head, thou will not be able to enter into the fullness of the blessing that God hath for you.
7. Thou shall not nag thy husband. This is the seventh commandment. Thou shall understand that thou can send thy husband away from thy home when you become contentious.
8. Thou shall not deny thy husband Jeru trip. Thou shall not pretend to have headache or fever when thy husband toucheth you. Thou shall know that thy husband will never be able to love you the way he should if you denieth him at most times. Thou shall not use Jeru trip as a punishment or reward!
9. Thou shall not offer thy body to another man. Thou shall know that that thy body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and God seeth it as sacred. Thou shall hold thy body in dignity and good self- esteem. Thou shall not offer your body in exchange for money. Thou shall not travel to see another man I the name of ‘business.
10. Thou shall learn to dress for your husband at home because he is moved by sight. Thou shall dress well for thy husband. Thou shall understand that a man is moved by sight.
I know there are still a lot more, so you may add other commandments that resonates with you with the comment form.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be or aspire to be a good woman and wife. I obey God’s commandments
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask God to mould you into the picture of the woman He has for you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:1-4 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide on steps to take to be the woman that God really wants
We will be looking at communication during love making. By communication, I mean both verbal and non-verbal communication. During love making, should there be talking? Or it should be as silent as a graveyard?
Another question is, should the room or any where you choose be dark, poorly lighted or fully lighted? That another question we will be looking at today.
All these questions are what you may be asking or is on your mind and we will together throw more light on them.
Well, your comments will be highly appreciated and welcome. Let’s know what happens in the ‘other room’. This can help another couple out there.
In my opinion what happens in ‘the other room’ is as the couples want it. However, being rigid to a particular mould is what may not be too good for the marriage. In my own marriage, we do more of non verbal communication to verbal.
Because our foreplay is usually very long (I strongly recommend this for couples except for quickies). We delight ourselves in each other during foreplay, where we get to explore our bodies. This time, we are free to talk, play and tease ourselves. But during intercourse, we don’t talk much, but a lot of moans! And then we also talk after.
My husband feels (and I agree with him because it works for us,) that talking breaks his flow and concentration. We like to savour every moment. It helps us enjoy each other more. That may be entirely different with you! Talking may just be your trigger!
Some people believe all kinds of dirty talks are allowed and that it is those dirty talks that make them reach orgasm. Let’s have your view.
For the second question, do you like it pitch dark, partially or fully lighted?
I remember when we were newly married, I used to like it when the lights are off. That was when I was shy. But I am no longer particular after I have been married for twenty-two years.
My husband has always liked it when the light are on. And his explanation was simple, “Don’t you know that men are moved by sight?”
As I said earlier, variety is the spice of marriage. We have the lights on now and sometimes, partially lighted.
Let’s hear your opinion. What is going on in your own marriage?
I am waiting for your responses.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse unconditionally
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 5:19 (ESV) As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss with your spouse based on the topic of today
Talking about gratitude or being grateful, I think every couple should be overly grateful to their spouse. Not only is it for the woman to be grateful but also for the man. We all owe ourselves a lifetime of gratitude.
If not for anything, that he/she married you. You know how difficult it could be, being married to you. The times you threw tantrums, the times you were ‘mad’ (literally), the time you did not understand yourself, the time you were under pressure, the time you were in debt, the time when you were sick and all these times your spouse stood with and by you.
I think we all should throw a gratitude party and make our spouses the special guest of honour.
But instead, what do we have? A grateful wife and a complaining husband. I think we all should repent. If only we could change roles we would see that it has not been easy.
If the woman changes roles and becomes the man for a while and the man becomes the woman, we would appreciate our spouses more. The truth is that there is a lot of work in being either of the spouses. Let no one blow his/her own trumpet.
But I want to shed more light on how the wife can use gratitude as a weapon to win the battles on the home front. Well not really battles but more of confrontations.
All women have the tendencies to nag and complain. There are so many things the wife wants to change in her husband. She’s an emotional relational being and so sees all the wrong things her husband does.
The route of complaining and nagging will never work. If anything, it will make your husband battle-ready. The role of the wife is that of influence. Before you can adequately influence, you must have accepted him.
Acceptance comes with praise, gratitude, and thanksgiving. Be grateful first for the hundred thousand before complaining that he didn’t give you a million. Be grateful for the trash he threw out even though he didn’t mow the grass.
I can give so many examples and show us many opportunities we have to be grateful for. As a wife, let gratitude be your daily weapon. Let no day pass without you being grateful. Look for something to be grateful for and do it enthusiastically.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will love for my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me more wisdom and grace in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh–flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose–– don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore (Proverbs 5:18-20 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to settle all quarrels amicably
Men’s need for respect is almost top of the list. Every man, your husband inclusive need a high dose of it.
Women who know their onions and wish to make a success of this journey called marriage, must learn how to give it.
Respect must be given on the husband terms, not on your own terms.
Some wives even try to resist offering respect to their husbands or only give it when he is well behaved on their terms. Every wife should know that the man is naturally a fighter. You put up a fight, he gives you in doses you never expect.
In the bible, we read about an exceptional, unforgettable lady by name of Abigail. She was so unforgettable that King David couldn’t keep her off her mind until her husband died and he married her. Abigail’s secret virtue was simple. She was respectful.
She knows how to use her words to encourage in a very respectful way. In her conversation with David when Nabal, Abigail’s husband acted foolishly, she called him ‘Lord’ fourteen times.
I mean that is huge. She kept calling him ‘lord’. She even prophesied about David becoming king. I believe when you are giving respectful encouragement, God will even put prophecies in your mouth like normal conversations.
The world is already full of discouraging words, which your husband has heard all day long. He needs to come home, to a haven, a resting place of peace where the wife showers him with positive words.
Let every woman on this platform make a new commitment to be the number one cheerleader and encourager of her husband. Don’t worry about the words to use, God will honor your commitment and give you utterance.
And I believe your husband will see your efforts and also appreciate it. But if he doesn’t, don’t worry, God is a rewarder and He will reward you.
You can ask your husband to tell you in what ways you need to show respect to him. What are the things you do that are disrespectful to him and what are the little gestures you can do that mean a lot of respect to him?
May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my husband’s best encourager.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for wisdom to know the right words to use that show respect to my husband.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 (MSG) The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
Gen 2:25 (AMP) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have been married for three years. Blessed with two vibrant princes, their family seems ideal, observing it from the external.
They seem to have everything going for them, good jobs, good pay, nice car, wonderful apartment, yearly vacation, and more goodies anybody would pray for…except for one thing…Mrs. Johnson is unhappy and her energy for “family” is fast ebbing out.
The only reason she is unhappy is because of her handsome husband, the man has changed! Or so it seemed. He doesn’t talk again, he internalizes, makes decisions alone, and acts like his wife has no brain!
This treatment, deliberate or not, can be debilitating for the woman in the house with attendant consequences that are as varied as they could be dangerous.
Now can I tell you in one swoop why keeping secrets within marriage can be very unwise?
It is just this: There is no secret you keep that will not be found out.
It is better for you to open up yourself rather than for your loved one to find out. When they find out themselves, it will erode trust. The devil will capitalise on that, harass their minds and tell them there are more things you are keeping away. Once this happens, it affects everything, even your prayers!
Take a look:
Mar 4:22 (KJV) For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.
So, it will be brought open eventually, you wouldn’t want him or her to be the one bringing it to open!
Why would a guy marry a lady only for her to find out later that he already had a child somewhere? I feel that is unfair, really.
Why would couples hide phone messages from each other? I cannot fathom that! Really!
You are married, for God’s sake!
There are some things we might have picked up from cultural affinities, but culture is not scripture!
There are some things we might have picked up from parents, but observation is not revelation!
Why would you build a house in town without your wife’s knowledge? You see there is a difference between marriage and bondage!
Your spouse is given unto you to help you, unless you want to say God is lying, and you know that is not possible.
When you hide stuffs from each other, you have snuffed out the life out of your helper! He or she would become a frustration, almost a hell rather than help! That will not be your portion!
She is going to definitely react to that, and there are some reactions that can be far too much that the whole family is set on edge!
It is even more terrible to now see that what you don’t discuss with your spouse at home is freely discussed with some lover out there!
Yes, I know there could be the possibility of being disappointed by your loved one when you trusted her with some information in the past, but you see marriage is about learning and growing together.
The solution is not always to move away, hide or cut off from the one you are in covenant with but to grow together.
Couples need to understand that the information you are entrusted with should not be found out there with some close friends or even your parents.
Do not allow anybody to put a wedge between you and your loved one!
Eph 4:25 (MSG) What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.
Be open to each other. Don’t hide things from each other. It will bring healing. It will bring freedom. It will erase suspicions. It will build trust.
Yes, I know there might be some difficulty in opening up, not because you want to keep secrets but because that is the way you have been brought up or probably what you observed from your parents. That can be valid.
But its validity is not an excuse in any way. What you must strive to do is to get better everyday, keep learning and keep making adjustments in other to have a good life and be able to raise a great family.
Men, God has entrusted a lot of responsibility into your hands and you cannot fail God. God has made you the head that the whole family might see through you because the eyes are located in the head. You are to give them light and lead them in God’s way.
One day, you will actually become a grand dad! And you really want to be proud of the dynasty that God will raise through you if Christ tarries.
Your role as a man or husband is an assignment from God. Lives are entrusted into your hands and I pray for you this morning that you will not fail God.
Sincerity is not stupidity. Being open does not translate to vulnerability. Being open is strength because it will strengthen your marriage!
Keeping secrets can be a strength when it is not kept from your spouse.
This is how to know if there is a big problem: You can keep secrets from your spouse, but you cannot keep it from those outside! Now, that really needs some attention and counseling!
I pray that God will open your eyes the more and help you to make necessary adjustments in Jesus’ name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am open to my loved one. I will not hide things from him/her
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
I receive grace to be sincere
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mar 4:22 (MSG) We’re not keeping secrets, we’re telling them; we’re not hiding things, we’re bringing them out into the open.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read books on how to be a good spouse
