God hates divorce. It is not always God’s best option.
Here is the scripture:
“I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. Mal.2:16 MSG
I must however be quick to say that there are genuine instances where divorce is recommended. God intends that a man and woman should be in marriage as long as they are alive, but He has also made exceptions and this is what we want to look at from the scriptures.
When people remarry under the circumstances that we will be looking at, they should not entertain any condemnation again from the devil.
1. The Question of Marital unfaithfulness The first exception for divorce that God made has to do with unfaithfulness. This has to do with adulterous sin or any other sexual sin.
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32 KJV)
When there is marital unfaithfulness and sexual sin is involved, the marriage covenant is broken. As a result of this, the other spouse is freed. There have been cases where the spouse is willing to forgive and move on especially in instances where he or she has indirectly contributed to the spouses’ infidelity. But in cases where the spouse is unrepentant from the unfaithfulness, divorce becomes valid.
The reasons are obvious. A man or woman who is sexually and unrepentantly promiscuous can bring home a sexually transmitted disease. This cannot be God’s will. I once watched a documentary of seven women who all tested positive to HIV and the disease was already at an advanced stage. In each of the instances, the woman had been faithful, but had been unfortunately married to an unfaithful man who transmitted the disease! They faced their deaths because they were married to sexually irresponsible men!
2. The Question of Abandonment or Desertion The next scenario is when the spouse is unsaved and really wants to end the marriage. This often plays out by the uninterested spouse walking away from the marriage and abandoning his or her spouse. In such cases, the spouse is not obligated to stay.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV)
When the person abandoned gets remarried, it is not considered adultery. I have had to handle cases where some women’s husbands have abandoned them for upward of ten years! The emotional trauma and sense of isolation is tremendous and some of such women have gone on to become women of easy virtue because of the obvious vulnerability. When a spouse walks away for some five to seven years, something is definitely wrong somewhere. He keeps promising he is going to come back, but he might never! You need to answer the questions above.
3. The Question of Intense brutality which can be physical, mental, and or sexual abuse This is another valid reason for divorce. It is not easy to live with a man who you are not sure of his love for you. Having to live in the same house with a man who can strangle you and end your life before daylight can be very crushing. When either spouse has been brutalized, this is often seen as equivalent to ‘desertion.’ It is often called constructive desertion.
When your life is no longer safe, when you have been battered over and over again, it is not worth it in such marriages. Not a few women have lost their lives in the hands of abusive spouses. If your spouse attacks you physically and then apologizes and stops, please kindly embrace him back. It is not appropriate to jump to a conclusion and head for divorce because of a mistake he makes after you aggravated him.
But talking candidly to men, never raise your hand against your wife. It is not manly and it is not godly. That woman was given to you so that you can protect her, not end her life. I know some ladies can be very sharp-mouthed and extremely rude, but when you see her as one with you, you will patiently resolve all issues rather than resort to violence.
When your spouse forces you into sexual sins and into perversions, don’t keep quiet. Seek help and seek counsel. Ask him questions.
In conclusion, I will still tell you that divorce is never the best! Do all you can to fight for your marriage until it becomes absolutely impossible to continue in that marriage! This also means that such flimsy excuses as irreconcilable differences, lack of love, incompatibility, different career goals, and so on are not valid grounds for divorce.
For singles, you can prevent divorce by not rushing into a marriage with a man you don’t know. You don’t go into marriage haphazardly; you go into it deliberately, intentionally, and consciously following God’s plan and injunctions.
Happy new month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I ask the right questions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to ask the right questions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mal 2:15 (GW)Didn’t God make you one? Your flesh and spirit belong to him. And what does the same God look for but godly descendants? So be careful not to be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
Yea, we aregetting close to the end of discussing love languages and I hope you are getting blessed. If you have questions you may ask and at the end of the topic we will try and answer them.
It bears repetition, that it is the husband’s responsibility to love his wife. God commanded the husband to love his wife. What God commanded the wife is to respect and honor her husband.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Maybe it is because naturally, a wife loves her husband. What is not natural is for a husband to love. Men find it more difficult to show or express love. Women find it easy to love but difficult to respect. So God says focus on what is unnatural with you to do and get better at it as I give you strength. It is not going to be easy but once you are prepared to love your wife and ask God for strength, He will give you.
Your wife will sense love when you speak any one of these love languages. There will be one or at most two of these languages that will readily resonate with your wife. Be very tactical in discovering which one it is and start speaking it.
Note, it is not that you cannot express love by using any one of these languages, but we are looking at the one that best describes your wife’s love language.
The 5 love languages are:
1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time 3. Service 4. Gifts 5. Physical touch
We will look at the next one.
4. Gifts
In this love language, you have to be a giver and enjoy it. If this is your wife’s primary love language. It is a love language for the giving husband or let’s say the thoughtful husband. Even though not all rich husband express their love in this way. It is advisable to show your wife love this way if you want her full cooperation.
Here, the gift does not have to be expensive. It just has to be a gift. A box of chocolate, a bar of candy, something for her hair, a roll-on, soap, perfume, earrings and the list goes on and on.
However, the gift needs to be thoughtful. Your wife can’t need a perfume and you buy her a knife. It is not just buying anything. There are appropriate gifts and inappropriate gifts. There are also gifts that speak volumes and the ones that are casual gifts. There are gifts that show your thoughtfulness and there are gifts that reveal your absent mindedness.
You should not buy your wife a gift and you buy a shoe three times short her size. You buy a winter jacket in summer. It has to be meaningful, useful and thoughtful.
If your wife’s love language is expressed by giving her gifts, then it has to be consistent. Buy her gifts regularly, not once in a blue moon. Don’t let her receive one gift now and have to pray in tongues for months before you buy her another. Let it be as consistent as it can be especially since it is not expensive. It is better not to be expensive but consistent than expensive but inconsistent.
Let her special days not end without you buying her a gift. Your gifts mean so much to her. Each time she uses it or sees them, she is happy to know that you bought them for her.When she thinks of how many gifts you have bought for her, let her feel grateful to God for you. Her love tank is full, knowing that you love her.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will love my wife consistently
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, empower me, to love my wife consistently.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:16 A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Buy a gift for your wife today
Why is this so important? If you don’t love yourself, it is not possible for any other person to love you the way they should. They will only be using you rather. It is important to deal with this. You have to love yourself. You have to accept yourself. Loving yourself is key!
1. Discover your potentials One of the ways to love yourself and overcome self-hate is to discover your potentials. If you have not discovered your potentials, you will keep on comparing yourself to another, who in the real sense may be envying you! Your gifting and natural talents are an indication of your potentials and a pointer to your purpose in life! You have to discover what you are created for.
Listen to me, when you discover your potential and the reason you are on this earth, you will love yourself. All the negative feelings of self-hate and self-rejection will vapourize! Nobody is created for fun. We are all created for a purpose!
Your potential or natural talents may not even be in vogue now, but just stay with it! That is part of loving yourself.
In the seventies and early eighties when we go out to play football, our parents would reprimand us and tell us to go and read our books! Today, parents are buying footballs, and telling their wards, you must know how to play this thing! Why? Footballers are heavily paid today!
Some twenty years back, comedy is not a profession as it were in Nigeria. Today, they make millions in the hour! What are your natural talents? You’ve got to discover them because that is where your prosperity is!
2. Develop your potential After you have discovered your potential, the next thing to do is to develop it. Organise your potential for productivity. Equip your potential for profit. How do you do that? Get information about your potential, gifts or talents. Read books on them. Get all you need on it and be adequately informed.
3. Deploy your potentials The next thing to do is to package your potential and deploy it. Step out on it! Start something today. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step! Stick out your neck and move on! A wet swimmer is better than a dry boat-sitter!
4. Be passionate about what you do Be passionate about your assignment. You see, when you are busy with all these, you will not have time for self-hate or self-rejection or not loving yourself appropriately. The proof of desire is always in your pursuit.
A young man that wakes up by 9.00am has woken up too late. By that time, several people have made their first million for the day! Approach life with passion. Commit to your potential. Write the vision and make it plain that he that readeth may run with it. After you have prayed and prayed, then step out so that God can bless the works of your hands.
Don’t be like the pastor who wanted to organise a crusade. He prayed like no man’s business. Morning, afternoon and night, he was praying and groaning. But he didn’t make a single flier neither was he on T.V or Radio! So on the day of the crusade, all of heaven was aware, but nobody knew except him on earth. The result? The crusade ground was jam-packed with angels, but not a singe human! Warrior angels, praise angels and so many were there, because heaven was aware. But not a single human being knew! Even though he has prayed, and made tremendous power available, his spiritual efforts were not complimented with adequate publicity.
You see, if God will help you, you must be doing something for him to help!
Don’t be like a man who wants to get married but has no job and has no intention of getting one. The wife is supposed to be a help-meet. So, what was she coming to help you with?
5. Be full of praise Finally be full of praise. Be grateful to God for the gift of life! Why would you complain about a simple headache? Don’t you know that it is only people that have heads that can have headache? So thank God for giving you a head first!
You got depressed because your result in school was not that good? Don’t you know the other child whose destiny has been retired to selling and hawking oranges is wishing that he had the kind of opportunity you have? You are sad because you are not yet married? Thank God for your time of singleness and enjoy it because some married people wish they can just be single again to correct a lasting mistake!
It is when you come to God with an attitude of praise, that the heavens open over you to satisfy the desire of your heart!
Wake up with praise and gratefulness in your heart and not with complaints and murmurings. Go to bed thanking God for the day and not with emotions of regret. Then, you are qualified for God’s hand upon you afresh and you can love yourself the way God loves you.
Shalom!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love myself. I am loving in my approach.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me how to love and appreciate myself
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psalms 90:14 O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be loving to yourself by taking yourself out
Words have power! The power of words can be readily seen in the story of creation, and in our lives too. Let’s look at a brief story of Amaka. Amaka scanned the sea of faces about her as she made her way to the assembly ground. It was her first day at the new school. She put on her best smile as the students passed her, hoping for a familiar face.
“Lord, let me find just one person that I know,” she prayed.
Suddenly someone in a hurry rushed past her and she fell to the ground. She looked at her bleeding knees and felt an ache around her ankle. How was she going to use the power of words?
“This was going to be hard,” she told herself as she got up.
“I hate this school!” she blurted out. “Why did mom even pick it for me?”
The bible makes us understand the immense power of our words. The power of words is real; see what the Scriptures say –
Prov. 13:2 “Be careful what you say and protect your life. A careless talker destroys his life.” (GNB)
This verse cautions us to watch what we say as our words are so powerful to create what we say. Our words can make or break us. What we say is what we see and become. The words you speak have an impact on your life.
The more you keep complaining about a situation, the more it worsens; that’s the power of words. Rather, choose to say positive words about it. You don’t deny that there is a problem, but you choose to look at it through positive lenses.
Use words that show you believe the situation will get better and won’t last forever. You have to keep believing that and let your actions show you believe. Learn to use the power of words to your advantage.
Amaka could have said “I am grateful that my parents are giving me an education. I will meet and make nice, God-fearing friends here. Things will work out well for me.”
This way, she’s is not focusing on what she doesn’t like about the school but rather, choosing to believe that she won’t find it rough there.
Finally, she could have just prayed about it to God. Prayer, also, is how you can exercise the power of words.
So, when next you feel like complaining about a situation or someone, remember to choose your words wisely.
Prayer: Lord God, thank you for your grace that helps me speak wisely. I will continually speak positive, pleasant, and life-giving words as from today. In Jesus name. Amen.
Action plan: What areas have you been speaking negatively about? Write as many as you can remember or know. Start to speak positively about them.
It is important that our children learn how to give. Let’s start by looking at that Scripture in Psalms that talks about how we have been wonderfully made.
Ps 139:14, KJV I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
The bible tells us that we are wonderfully and beautifully made by God. Can you imagine yourself as beautiful and wonderful? Do you see yourself as ordinary? Do you see yourself as someone with no talent or gift, with nothing to give or share with others?
God couldn’t have made you so beautiful and wonderful then leave you empty. No. You are a masterpiece from the Creator’s hands, so you must learn how to give. Even the stones He created give praise to His name when you admire them. When you look at the rainbow in the sky and smile, you are praising God
Your Creator didn’t create you without something to give. No one should complain that they have nothing to give. You have something to give. It could be a thing or an action.
You have a lot to give, children. More than you can ever imagine. You could give out your clothes if you’ve outgrown them, your toys, shoes, or books. Do you know that your smile could be a gift to someone who is down and just needs someone to notice and smile at them? You should learn how to give.
Your time is also a gift you can give to teach a friend or classmate who is struggling to understand lessons at school.
Praying for others is another thing you can give. You can pray for your parents, guardians, friends, siblings, pastor, teachers, neighbours, classmates, and so on.
Helping your parents or guardians at home is another good way to use your time; therefore learn how to give by helping your parents.
Whatever it is you plan to give to others, ensure you tell your parents or guardians.
God bless you as you give. Amen.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you for how you made me. I am glad that I have more than I give. Teach me new ways to give to others. I learn how to give. Enable me to be a giver, to the glory of your name, Amen.
Declaration: My children learn to give. They do not withhold more than necessary.
I am devoting a lot of time on these love languages because it is a key element in having a fulfilling marriage. Once you understand your spouse’s love language and the God factor is involved in your marriage, at least, a large percentage of understanding yourselves and loving yourselves is guaranteed.
When you understand your wife’s love language and endeavor to speak it, half of the marital issues are solved.
When you love your wife the way she wants to be loved, you will see a new radiance on her. Then she will blossom, she will be more responsive, more cooperative and supportive. She will have more energy and her creative juice will be more alive.
She will be happy and the home will be more calm and peaceful. Your wife will be that joyful wife you have always dreamt she will be. There will be unity among you and you will be able to fulfill God’s mandate of one chasing one hundred and two of you chasing ten thousand.
The 5 love languages are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time and Attention
Acts of Service
Gifts
Physical touch
Let’s look at another love language today.
3. Acts of Service This is a beautiful way of showing that you care and love your wife. But don’t try to speak this love language if this is not your wife’s love language. A wife may get irritated at your wanting to help her do her “duties”.
A wife may frown at the idea of her husband coming to the kitchen or cooking dinner. She may even put up a fight, saying that her husband thinks she is a lazy brat that cannot cook. She may even say her husband thinks her food is not sweet.
Any woman that feels that way, definitely her love language is not acts of service or maybe she prefers the acts of service in another way. You will know it is your wife’s love language when she demands that you help her do stuffs.
She will always call on you to help her do things, unlike the wife who has all the energy and will do everything so that even if you want to help, there is nothing to help with.
You communicate love to a wife whose love language is acts of service by doing things for her. You help her with dishes, the kids, laundry, throwing the trash, cleaning the house, cooking, packing her clothes and everything that she needs help for.
Here, the husband must enjoy helping her before she can sense love. If you are too busy, you have to employ people that can help her out. In her frustration, she may cry out that she is slaving herself for you.
Some wives are satisfied when you do things for them. They don’t even want gifts as such. Once you are doing things for her, she’s okay.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am becoming a loving husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, teach me to understand my wife.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25-26 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Pay attention to loving your wife
Apart from the points we discussed yesterday, how else will a man show his love for you?
Let’s go…
4. He will never raise his hands against you. A godly man that truly loves you will not lift his hands against you. Ladies, hear me and hear me well, if he is already donating slaps to you and you are gladly receiving them in love, it won’t stop after marriage. In fact, he will take it to the next level, and turn you into his punching bag. But he said ‘he will change!’ Why can’t he change now? Marriage doesn’t change anybody! In fact, it amplifies who you are because there is pressure of living with somebody now.
If you are courting a man that beats you regularly, that is nothing more than courting disaster. Deliver yourself like a roe out of the hands of the hunter and fly away before you become a prey. I know there are soul ties because of sexual involvement which is disobedience in itself, but the reality that you might be beaten all the days of your life should severe any soul ties and make you wake up! It is not God’s plan for you to be in a relationship where you are being physically abused consistently!
5. He will not draw you into sexual perversion. A godly man that truly loves you will not pull you into the world of sexual perversion where unimaginable things are being perpetrated. Don’t allow yourself to be treated like a jeru trip object, because you are not one.
He will not suggest to you things that you know are ungodly. He will not satisfy his lust at the expense of your relationship with God. He will not be asking you to send nude pictures. For what purpose would that be? He will not pull you further into the miry clay of sin where you keep slipping into iniquity. He will pull you up. He will be an encourager. He will be a positive motivator. Don’t settle for less.
6. A godly man that truly loves you will be accountable. He is not the alpha and omega of his life and home. He has mentors and authority figures over him that he is submissive to. Ladies, never get involved with a guy who has no authority figures over him. Anything could happen, and there would be nobody to talk to.
7. A godly man that truly loves you is a giver. He gives and he supports God’s work. He does not argue about paying tithes. He gives to God and he gives to you! What if he has not started work? Giving has nothing to do with the amount, it has a lot to do with the gesture and the heart!
May God grant you more understanding in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong man.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God leads you to the man who will love you genuinely
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask questions about your relationship and take decisions.
We startedyesterday talking about how important it is for you to speak your wife’s language. I also stated that language here means your wife’s love language.
If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, I will implore you to go ahead and read it.
There are five basic love languages which are:
1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time and Attention 3. Service 4. Gifts 5. Physical Touch
We have looked at Words of affirmation. Let’s continue from where I stopped yesterday.
2. Quality time and Attention It is good to know that basically, it is the responsibility of the husband to learn his wife’s love language. It is God’s order in a marriage that the husband loves his wife while the wife respects and honors her husband.
It is not a case of “my wife is too demanding, she always wants me to speak her love language while she doesn’t attempt to speak mine.” Husbands must concentrate on loving your wife.
Quality time as it suggests means spending quality time with her. Here, quality time could mean different things to different women. To some, it could mean spending time with her when she is in the kitchen cooking, it could mean going on vacation together, having weekend trips, going to the movies, shopping, just spend time with her.
It means you are spending time and giving her attention. You let her know your plans, your whereabouts, investments, meetings, friends, and everything. You don’t keep secrets.
Your wife may be crying for your attention and you are busy working yourself out to stupor trying to provide for the family. She will not sense your love until you slow down and spend some time with her.
If you are a busy husband, schedule time consciously to be together. We had to plan that into our marriage. Call it me and you time. Let nothing interrupt this time. You may need to switch off your phone or do a get-away for two.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or far. If the children are still young, find a friend’s place you can keep them for a few hours to just go. Your wife will appreciate you more for your effort.
Many quarrels go on in marriage because we don’t know where to focus our resources and energy. Once you discover your wife’s love language, go ahead and start speaking it and improve on speaking it.
Your wife may be throwing tantrums just because she doesn’t feel your love. She feels your love when you speak her love language. She will adore you and respect you the moment she can sense your love.
Try and pay attention to her and seek to find out her love language. What does your wife complain about all the time? It is a clue to what her love language is. You may have to try different things before you finally discover which one it is.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom for my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
Can there be stress in children? Now stress is a daily part of our lives. We can’t hide from it but can only find ways to minimize its effects on us. A little stress though is good for us.
1 Sam 3:8 (KJV ) And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went to Eli, and said, Here am I; for thou didst call me. And Eli perceived that the LORD had called the child.
Children also experience stress. There can be stress in children – it could be a bully at school, a harsh teacher, or even an uncomfortable classroom. At home, it could be rifts between siblings, parental discord, or the death of a family member or friend.
Older children often are able to identify something that is bothering them, unlike younger ones who have not acquired the capacity to do so.
Children don’t and can’t manage stress the way adults do. It shows through their words, actions, and behaviours. There you must learn how to identify stress in children so you can help them.
Little Samuel heard God calling to him but didn’t know what to do. He ran to Eli every time he heard God’s voice asking if the old priest was the one calling him. Eli identified that it was God calling little Samuel. He then told Samuel what to say when next he heard the voice.
The bible doesn’t record that Samuel experienced any stress but it was a situation that was new to him. He couldn’t process it and went to the only person he knew that could help. And Eli was able to help him. Older adults can therefore help manage stress in children.
Parents must be observant to notice any change in their children. Children won’t tell you what is disturbing them immediately, even when you ask. Only by observing can a parent find out. Parents must give total attention to children when they are speaking.
Declaration: My children are not stressed. They learn to speak out. They are surrounded daily by the right people.
Prayer (parent): Lord, help me to be truly observant about my child(ren). Help me to notice the changes in them no matter how subtle they may be. Help me to identify stress in children. Amen.
PrayerChild: I will speak out when I have an issue bothering me. I will ask for help.
1. He will truly support your dreams and vision. Not a few women have had their dreams and vision suffocated and swallowed up because of unnecessary intimidation.
A man that truly loves you will truly support your dreams, vision and aspirations knowing fully well that you are one. What is the point of a lady serving God with so much zest and energy on her youthful and campus days and after marriage only to be permanently domiciled to kitchen and baby nursing affairs only? Yes, I know you have to take care of your family and you should but that doesn’t mean you should come to a place where you are not even lifting a finger in your local assembly. I also know that this situation could arise as a result of your own inability to properly transition from a single lady to a married woman and might not have anything to do with your husband.
If you find yourself in this situation, what to do is not go and put up a fight with your husband, but to lovingly discuss with him how you can strike a balance and be useful to God, even as a wife and a mother. I know there are also situations where you might have to blend with your husband, so I am not saying here that you should have a completely independent spirit wherein rather than be a helper to your husband, you eventually become a distraction.
2. He will truly be a lover boy to you only A godly man that truly loves you will be a great lover of you only. He is not going back and forth and getting involved with other ladies. He is focused on you. Being godly does not mean being unromantic.
A godly man that truly loves you does not come around to tell you that he has so many girlfriends but you are his first choice, as if he is filling a university admission form. He will not play games with you. He will not toy with your emotions and he will not manipulate you with logic. He knows how to take care of you and how to bring out the best in you. Ladies, do not stay with a man who sleeps around and even tells you to your face, that he would stop after marriage. Don’t subject yourself to that kind of affliction, even if he gives you a million bucks every month! You are not for sale!
In marriage, he will focus on you and will not be distracted. His love for you will keep him zipped up even in the face of pressure.
3. He will truly protect you. A man is supposed to be a protector of the lady. In courtship, he doesn’t want you to compromise your virtue, nay, he wants you to please God, so he is willing to wait. In marriage, his love for you will be evident in how he provides, pampers you, and prays for you. He wants the best for you. When there are issues, he tries to treat you gently, because he knows you are his wife.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God leads you to your rightful partner
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask questions about your relationship and take decisions.
We started looking at this topic yesterday. We mentioned some things about the right woman.
1. She will truly love you. 2. She will truly and regularly intercede for you. 3. She will truly add to you and not deplete you.
What other ways can you know the right woman for you?
4. She will truly behave appropriately How do I mean? A lady that truly loves you will not aid and push you into sin. In courtship, she will not demand for jeru trip neither will she ‘supply’ it when it is being demanded. She will behave in a spiritually appropriate way. She will not trap you or manipulate you. She will not become a spiritual nuisance or distraction to you. I know guys can be forceful, manipulative and stubborn sometimes, but when a lady wants to say No, she knows how to say it.
In marriage, she will behave appropriately. She will not defraud her husband! That’s what the Bible calls it. When you deny your husband in marriage, it’s fraud!
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV)
This doesn’t mean husbands should not allow their wives to rest, right?
Don’t go and tell your wife, ‘Pastor Dunamis said even if it is five times daily, you should be good to go!” In reality, never sex-starve your husband. It is not supposed to be a tool of punishment or reward.
5. She will be truly faithful. A lady in courtship that truly loves you will not double date. She will not live in deception. She will not be caught in betwixt the triple operation of greed, money and sex. She will remain faithful. That is all about fearing God.
In marriage, she will not cheat on you or hide things from you. Do ladies who are believers cheat on their husbands? Yes. How do I know? Through counseling! It starts with emotional affairs, nursing secret desires and keeping it away from your spouse. You see, iniquity is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. The power of iniquity is broken when it is exposed. When you are capable of hiding things from your husband, well, you don’t love him like you should, and a seed of adultery can be planted, because all it takes is your ability to do things and hide them.
Well, if you find some defects in your courtship, you might want to lovingly discuss them and make adjustments. You might also want to talk to a mentor or a counselor. You might also want to pray and ask God for wisdom. I pray that God will give you wisdom on how to make it right in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the right person to marry
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God leads you in the right direction
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 18:22(KJV)Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
I purposelydid not use the word ‘Love Language’ but used your wife’s ‘Language’ so that you can see the similarities. It is easier for us to relate to ‘your wife’s Language’ than it is to relate to love language.
Just as you can never think of marrying a wife who does not speak your language, it is ridiculous for you not to speak your wife’s love language.
Every woman has a love language. That love language is what she understands, is used to, and can relate to. In this language, she understands and can sense love.
Until you speak this language, she cannot sense or understand that you love her. It is like speaking Japanese to an English woman. It does not make any sense, and you sure are not making sense to her.
A woman knows that you love her when you communicate this love in a language that she understands. The problem is that most men are communicating this love to their wives in another language.
Note that there is something in every woman that craves being loved by her husband. Yes, she can be loved by her colleagues, friends, or siblings but there is something about the love of her husband. It may be because it is the way God ordered it from the beginning.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.
If husbands want to be found fulfilling their primary and basic role in the marriage covenant, it is good for each husband to learn to speak his wife’s language.
It makes a lot of sense if you at least become conversant with your wife’s language. It helps better communication in the marriage institution. Just like in our illustration of the English woman and the Japanese language speaking to her.
There are five basic love languages. We will look at each one so you can get a good understanding of each of them.
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Service
4. Gifts
5. Physical touch
All these love languages are to be understood if you want to love your wife on her own terms (in her own language) and not yours.
1. Words of affirmation.
If this is your wife’s love language, that just means that she likes to be spoken to. She may or may not be quiet, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that your words mean a lot to her. You have to be constantly speaking words of encouragement to her.
Appreciating her by commenting on her efforts, looks, achievements, and verbalizing your love must be regular.
She senses love when she’s been constantly spoken to. Her energy to move on comes by appreciating her and saying sweet words to her. When you don’t speak kind words to her, she doesn’t sense your love towards her as a husband. Your words must be kind.
If on the contrary, you speak harshly to her, she senses harshness rather than love and sensitivity.
We will continue tomorrow.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom in your marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise, you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
As children, we must always seek to do what is right – as we relate with our family, our friends, our teachers, etc. This is a good character to have.
Romans 12:7 ‘Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone’ (NIV)
‘Look! It’s Dele’. Tunji pointed out to Seyi as they walked home from school. ‘He’s alone. Now you can do whatever you want to him” Tunji urged, his eyes gleaming with vengeance.
Dele had stumbled into Seyi on purpose earlier today at school during lunch break. Seyi’s whole lunch had spilled over his white shirt. This earned him a huge reprimand from the teacher. And his mom was still going to do so too at home. Would Seyi do what is right? If you were in Seyi’s shoes, what will you do?
Tunji was right, this was the perfect opportunity to pay Dele back. He remembered what he had learned from the devotional this morning. He remembered the verse in the Bible.
Ephesians 4:32 ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another. Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
‘No, I won’t do anything to him he shrugged his shoulders, also remembering that he had to do what is right.
‘Are you serious?’ asked a dumbfounded Tunji. ‘He bullies you all the time’.
‘My mom read today in the devotional that Jesus said I don’t have to be mean to him also’. He gave Dele a wide smile and waved as they passed him.
‘Did you just smile and wave at him?’ Tunji asked, his eyes huge as lemons. He didn’t understand this ‘do what is right’ thing.
‘Yeah, I did. Said a happy Seyi. He felt good as he walked on. ‘I am going to pray for him instead’.
People will always hurt us no matter how good we are to them or others. Being obedient to Jesus is not to hurt people back when they hurt us. Learn to do do what is right.
Declaration: I learn to forgive. I will not pay evil with evil.
Prayer: Dear Jesus, I want to obey you by not hurting anybody that has hurt me. In your mighty name, I pray. Amen.
1. She will truly love you. How do you know a woman truly loves you? She will submit to you. Submission is not being subservient or being oppressed, it is a conscious effort of allowing the man to have the final say as the scripture suggests.
One of the most effective ways to influence your husband is to submit. One of the fastest ways to aggravate a man is to remain stubborn and non-submissive. A man is not supposed to lord it over his wife, he is supposed to relate with her lovingly while she respectfully submits. Being submissive is not being muted, she should be able to offer suggestions and use her initiatives, howbeit, the man should have the final say. When you mute your wife, you have just silenced your helper!
2. She will truly and regularly intercede for you. A woman is a womb-man, and that is what differentiates her from a man. She has the capacity to conceive and then birth. All the confusion in this generation ought not to be. Male and female created he them! Not male and male or female and female. God did not create Adam and Steve. God did not create Eve and Eva. So there should be no issues. A woman is created with a womb, not one acquired through the trans-gender process.
She has a womb. She has the same capacity in the spirit realm and she wields tremendous spiritual power if she has a relationship with God. Just like she is endowed to birth in the natural, she is empowered to intercede in the spirit realm. I am not saying men should not pray, because the scripture says men ought to pray, but I am saying a woman can birth things in the spirit realm. If she truly loves you, she will not walk away because of challenges, she will take it up in the place of prayers.
Have you seen the scripture in Hebrews that says –
“Women received their dead raised to life again…?” (Hebrews 11:35a)
It means a woman can take what appears dead and gone and bring life into it again.
3. She will truly add to you and not deplete you. A woman not only births, she is also a multiplier. A woman will always multiply what you give her. Give a woman some ingredients and there goes a pot of delicious stew. Give a woman a house and she makes a home out of it. Give a woman spermatozoa, and she brings forth a baby months after. She is just a multiplier. That is why the scripture says a woman shall compass a man. That is also why the scripture says a woman is a helper to her husband. Not a distraction. A wife; not a knife. A wife helps; a knife cuts and lacerates. There is a difference!
When a lady that loves you comes into your life in marriage, she will add to you. He that findeth a wife findeth good and obtaineth favour! She will truly add favour to your life when she truly loves you. And that is why men should be careful about the kind of seed they plant in a lady. If you sow the wind, she will take it, press down shaken together and give you a whirlwind. If you sow stress into her life, she will give you frustration. Be careful because she is a multiplier!
The blood of Jesus is the foundation of the victory that God has given to us as His children. It is by the blood that we live. We must therefore learn how to appropriate the Blood over our children.
1 John1:7 ESV But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
The blood of the Lamb of God is very important in our lives. We should therefore teach our children about the efficacy of that blood – the blood of our Messiah.
What are some of the things that the Blood of the Lamb does for us? Everything! Yes, the Blood does everything. But we will just be outlining some here. The blood of Jesus cleanses from all sins. This means that the eternal blood of the Son of God makes us clean, regardless of how stained we might have been as a result of past errors. What a beautiful experience that is – to be made a totally new creature.
The blood of Jesus nullifies every finished work of the devil. This means that in areas the devil might want to play a smart one on us, we have the blood to speak for and defend us
Through the blood of our Saviour, we have been redeemed and made whole.
As Christians, you should learn to declare that “the blood of the Son of God speaks life and better things over my children.”
Prayers: Lord, let your blood speak for my children now and always. The blood of the Lamb speaks over their lives and they exercise the authority of whom they are in Christ Jesus.
Action Plan: Parents, pray and teach your children about the importance of the blood of Jesus.
Today, I wantto encourage us to keep on asking, keep on seeking and keep on knocking. Help is on the way, Help is closer than you think. Don’t give up on your spouse, don’t give up on your children. Help is on the way
Matt 7:9 says, ‘Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find, knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you’.
Keep on asking, seeking and knocking on a continual basis day in day out 365 days a year, so that we may keep receiving what we need.
How long do we stay awake all night wrestling with our issues and losing our sleep? Instead of simply casting our cares upon Him by asking Him and trusting Him.
Maybe your spouse has a weakness and you have talked to him/her about it for a long time and he doesn’t seem to listen.
Maybe your spouse even agrees to change but finds it difficult to change. Your children are wayward and they seem impossible.
You are having a difficult time maintaining a close, godly relationship with them. Just don’t give up or maintain the status quo.
You must know how to stay with what you want. Jesus already promised in His word that (Luke 11:13) …how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him”.
God wants us to trust Him with our request. He wants to see how much we trust Him and how much we can stay on what we want without shifting grounds.
You have to keep asking till your marriage becomes what you want it to be. You have to keep on knocking until your children become what they should be.
Never give up on God and this goes for everything. Never give up until you are rich, until you have your children, until you get that job.
God is committed until it is completed.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not give up
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord make right everything wrong in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 128:2 (KJV) For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Yesterday, we saw the dangers of letting your emotions lead you.
What other reasons are there to show you cannot fall in love anyhow?
2. You need to protect your heart The second reason why you cannot just fall in love anyhow or with just anybody is because of your heart. You have a responsibility to protect your heart. Your heart is a like a garden. Your heart is like a vineyard of precious fruits. It should be a secured place with the word of God mounting guard over it!
Philippians 4:7 (AMP) – And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
There is a peace that comes from following God’s word that becomes a guard to your heart.
There are generally two kinds of people trying to access your heart, which is like a garden. There are gardeners who will take care of you and there are scavengers who want to take care of themselves at your expense. It is an error to fall in love carelessly with a scavenger. A gardener wants to nurture you. A scavenger wants to puncture your heart. A gardener will pray for you. A scavenger will prey on you. It is your responsibility, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to protect your heart.
If you are already in courtship, make up your mind to protect each other. When both of you are selfless and consider the other first, you will release an unprecedented dimension of favour over your relationship. Avoid strife like a plague because it is a tool in the hands of the devil to wreak havoc. Forgive each other quickly; be committed to peace. Don’t allow hurt and bitterness to chart a course for your intended family. There is no way you won’t hurt each other sometimes but practice advance forgiveness. You need to go to your partner now and apologize even if you feel he or she is in the wrong.
It is not about winning an argument, it is about not losing your partner, so bury your ego and be matured. Let peace reign. As you obey this specific instruction of reconciling with your potential spouse, watch out for a fresh deluge of His blessings especially in your finances.
I pray for you today, may you be blessed! The heavens open over you in Jesus name! God will honour you and fill your mouth with laughter.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God teaches you how to fall in love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
Your parents are given to you by God. It’s not a mistake that you are their child. God expects you to obey your parents at all times. One of the reasons behind this is that they know and see things you don’t.
Your parents are guardians over you, and it will do you a lot of good if you can start seeing them like that. They have been entrusted with taking care of you here on earth; and understand that they will give an account of how well they did so to God. Therefore do all within your power to help them to make their work easy and to give God a great account of how they did their best. Obey your parents – that’s one of the ways to make their work easy.
The bible verse that speaks about obeying your parents is found in Colossians three and verse twenty. It reads:
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
That was not a suggestion from God; it was a command. This is what God has commanded; therefore God loves it when you are obedient to your parents in everything. Remember that pleasing God is a sign of obedience. Remember also that if you love God, you will always seek to do what pleases Him. And what better way to please God than to do whatever He says. Therefore, as a child be obedient to God even as it concerns your relationship with your parents.
May the grace to obey your parents be upon you always. Amen.
Prayer: Father, thank you for my parents. May I be an obedient child to them. Amen.
Action point: Ensure you listen to and obey your parents.
Declaration: I am an obedient child. I obey my parents in all things.
It’s a very nice thing when we receive answers to our prayers. This morning we’ll be looking at gow wives can get their prayers answered
Sometimes back, I just decided to take a day off work just to bond with my boo. It was so refreshing. We laughed, played, talked, ate, and all the rest (fill in the gap). It was very relaxing and pleasant.
We spent the whole day together. That’s our own ‘me and you’ time together. No kids. No worries and of course, no cooking. We just shut the world behind us and bonded.
It’s good if every spouse can do that regularly. Go to a resort center, go on vacation, or just check into a hotel.
My husband wrote on his timeline “How to get your prayers answered quickly – Take care of her. Please her. Be gentle with her. Honour her. Love her. Be faithful to her. Speak her love language. Keep her smiling. Be her personal comedian…and more! 1Pet. 3:7
How true this is. The way you treat your wife affects whether your prayer is answered or not. That means even God is interested in the way we treat our wives.
Take care of her. Please her. Be gentle with her. Honour her. Love her. Be faithful to her. Speak her love language. Keep her smiling. Be her personal comedian’. If all husbands can aim at doing all these, their prayers will never go unanswered.
Stop all the quarrels, the strife, stop shouting at each other. Calm down. Talk to your selves. Resolve your differences. Let your marriage work. Don’t insist on your own. A little compromise, a little tilt to accommodate her differences for the sake of working things out will not harm.
Swallow your pride. Be humble. Be accommodating. Submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. Stop any bad habits you carried over. Wives, don’t nag at your husband. Your marriage is a living entity. Grow your own marriage, don’t envy other people’s marriage.
Love your in-laws. Treat them like your own parents. Don’t overreact. Don’t get angry about every issue. Learn to control your moods. Be happy. Be responsive to your spouse.
Try and cope with your spouse during the rough and the tough times. Above all, pray to God. Ask for His help and be patient. Meditate on God’s word and things will work out beautifully well.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I treat my wife well. My prayers are answered.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to treat my wife well.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psalms 119:30 (KJV) I have chosen the way of truth: thy judgments have I laid before me.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find creative ways of treating your wife well.
The way you day turns out can be determined by how you start it. The question now is: Do you know the most appropriate way to start your day as a child?
My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
Psalms 5:3, KJV
When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? What do you do first? Do you reach first for your phone or the television’s remote? Or join your family for morning devotion?
God wants to be the first person you speak to and spend time with every morning. You do this by praying immediately you wake up. That is how to start your day. Begin with praises and thank Him for another day. Move on to committing your day to him. Thank Him for your family members, ask Him for protection and provision. Tell him anything that is on your mind.
Regularly doing this helps you develop closeness with God and He will bless you for it.
So, tomorrow morning, when you wake up, start to talk to God immediately. Start your day that way; He is waiting to hear your voice.
Prayer: Dear Father, I want to start my day with you before anything else. Guide me as to how to pray to you when we meet at the place of prayer. Thank you.
Action plan: prepare the night before for your morning time with God. Tell your parents or siblings about your new decision of how you desire to start your day. Ask for their help to wake you up early. You can also set your alarm to the time you want to start praying.
