2. When you are in love with a married man or woman
If you have found yourself to have fallen in love with a married person, it will be good for you to also try and rise out of that love as soon as possible. It just would not work!
Oh, Pastor, it is just that married people are more mature in their thinking and know how to take care of someone. Is that all? What about the heartache and the agony a side chick will cause the rightful owner of the man? What about the unnecessary warfare emanating from the rightful owner that would be entered into?
When you are involved with a married person, chances are that you will soon be sexually involved, and that simply translates to adultery. It is graduation into unimaginable afflictions both for the man and the woman involved.
God will never answer those prayers when the prayer is indirectly saying that a person’s marriage should crash so that you can have your way! Adultery is a stupid sin because one loses at the end!
But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
(Proverbs 6:32 KJV)
Here is the Message translation, which I like most
Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive;
3. When you are in love with an unbeliever
When you have fallen in love with an unbeliever, it is better you run away from such a person.
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It directly violates the principles of God and it is not just going to work out. Ok, you can say you will convert him later, but you are not the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that convicts.
You can say, he is so caring, he is this and that…but when the chips are down, an unbeliever is capable of doing anything because he is under an influence.
Everybody you see on earth is under an influence, and it can either be positive or negative! The reason you find it difficult to leave such people is that you have been sexually involved.
A soul tie has been established and it should be broken in the name of Jesus.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not miss it in marriage. I receive the strength to run away from every wrong relationship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my eyes to know who to run away from
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 2:12 [KJV]To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things;
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review your thought pattern in light of the above and run away where necessary.
We must have heard someone telling us to mind our business. We have always thought it to mean focusing our attention on our own business. Well, there is more to this than just focusing on your own business.
I will like to give attention to engaging our minds in unleashing the unlimited power embedded in our minds. I once read a caption many years ago that read, ‘The mind is a terrible thing to waste’. This caption is very true and we need to find ways of putting our minds to help us in achieving our expected goals as it relates to our marriage.
Our minds seats our thoughts, and our thoughts have a lot to do with the outcome of our marriage. No matter how loving your spouse is and how much they are trying their best to make you happy, your thoughts can work against you.
The difference between what you are experiencing now and what you desire to see in your relationship is in the way you have been using your mind.
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Check out the kind of conversations you have with yourself. What is your monologue like?
If you have thoughts like ‘I will never be happy in this marriage’, ‘ My spouse does not understand me’, I will end up heart-broken”, we can never be happy together, ‘I am trying so hard to please him/her but we are so different’, and so on, such thoughts will never make you enjoy the bliss of marriage.
You have to replace these thoughts of defeat with that of winning and victory. Be intentional about living. Focus and reprogram your mind to have that marriage of your dreams. Focus on a specific vision, be committed to it, pursue it, and be resolute because it is achievable.
Purposeful living is engaging your mind to live intentionally in your marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I will give attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for Grace to ‘mind your marriage.’
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Romans 12:2 [KJV]And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review your thought pattern in light of the above.
There is ‘how to know God More.’ In one of the past devotionals, we talked about having confidence in God because, with Him, our glorious future is secured.
We should seek to know God more, pleasing Him in all ways.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
Jeremiah 29:12 ESV
If you want to know God more, you should always do the following;
Read and meditate
2. Pray
3. Confess the Word of God
4. Obey
Reading and meditating on God’s word involves you always asking the Holy Spirit to teach you and grant you understanding through the word of God.
When you do this, the light of God will fill your heart.
This is because we receive revelation and instructions when we read God’s word.
God gave each of us a brain so that He can rest. There are some things you should not pray about. There are people you should not fall in love with and in case you do, the only reasonable thing for you to do is to disconnect from them.
Don’t bother praying that God should approve your decision, which is clearly at loggerheads with His principles. God will not answer such prayers because He will not contradict His word.
Here are the scenarios that don’t need prayers or fasting. Don’t waste your time on them.
1. When you are in love with more than one person at a time
There is nothing as confusing and as unwise than to fall in love with more than one person at a time! The person involved will be disoriented, defocused, and disorganized.
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You will become deceptive in order to cover up. Then you will need to tell more lies in order to cover up the cover-ups!
God has not called you to this kind of lifestyle, and there is no way God will answer you when you start praying in such state of heart.
The first thing to do is to disconnect from both or all of them because, in reality, it could be one of the people you have fallen in love with or NONE of them!
But when you are asking God to approve what you have decided, something is wrong with that process and it doesn’t work that way! God is never mocked.
In the same way, married people are to focus on their spouse only and not direct their love to anybody aside from their spouses.
The main focus and intention of God for marriage is that the couple bond. Bonding is a strong word and we need to take note of it.
The whole essence of marriage is that the husband and wife bond together, spirit, soul and body.
That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.
Gen 2:24 CEV
Bonding is both a spiritual act and a process.
It is God that takes care of the spiritual aspect. The process aspect of bonding is our responsibility to fulfill.
Both the husband and wife have various and different role to achieving bonding – a state of becoming one flesh, as a person.
I will like to mention 3 secret that helps us in becoming one flesh continuously.
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1. Proximity 2. Jeru trip 3. Food
1. Proximity If bonding and one flesh is to be achieved, then couples will have to be close to each other. The first step to bonding is ‘leaving to cleave’. There must be a physical cleaving. Husband and wife should be close to each other.
Every opportunity to be together should be maximized. Couple need to fight against whatever might want to keep them separate.
Some jobs are anti marriage. They don’t value or respect your marriage vows.
You have to make choices and honor what God honors. Some promotions and transfer should be rejected and God will honor us for choosing God rather than wealth or riches or the worlds standard.
My mum had opportunity to travel out for a nursing job, but she refused. She said she would rather stay with her young family than leave us vulnerable and exposed.
Thank God for her sacrifice then, we are a product of her sacrifice.
As couples, we have to pay the price for proximity.
There are some transfer or staying apart that are very necessary. You must be willing to make sacrifices and go the extra mile to ensure you are close. (Just be led by God’s Spirit.)
You must be willing to spend more money on calling each other everyday, do video calls.
Some couples are near yet far from each other. Be on the same page with your husband. Don’t take each other for granted. It is a continuous working to keep both husband and wife together.
Let our aim in our marriage be ‘to become one flesh’ and the Lord will help us in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I become one flesh with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me understanding to take this up as my priority above all else.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 2:24 CEV That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to work at being close with each other.
Learning to treat people well is very important. Do you like to be shoved away, kicked, punched, pinched, teased, mocked, bullied, and lied at? These are just some terrible things that can happen to you.
Other children or even adults can do these wicked things to you just because they can or they think you deserve it. How would you feel? Really ask yourself this question.
On the other hand, you could be the one doing these same unfair acts to other children. Maybe in collaboration with other children, you could be bullying a classmate who has bushy eyebrows. You could mock them with a name like “the bush”, “bushbrows”, “bushy” or any other name you think is cool. Do you think they would like that? Really ask yourself this.
You definitely won’t like to be on the receiving part and shouldn’t do that to another person. They also won’t like it. If you won’t like it, they most likely won’t like it too.
Jesus condemned treating people wrongly and told those around him to not do so. He was teaching them to value others with respect, love, and care.
“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”
Luke 6:31
He was saying that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want to be treated well, treat people well. That’s the right thing to do.
May you receive the strength to treat people well. Amen
Prayer: Lord Jesus, I obey your command and will treat everyone well. Strengthen me for this task. Amen.
Action point: You can start by apologizing to the people you have treated badly in the past. Then begin to treat other people well.
My husband wrote the first part of this devotional yesterday. I will be concluding on the other part this morning.
And I am excited because today is my birthday! God has been faithful to me.
Let’s get into the devotional….
If you missed the first part written by my husband yesterday, you can read HERE
1. Let God be your foundation
Luk 6:48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
2. Choose with God
Psa 11:3 If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
3. It takes more than love to make a success of marriage
There are many ingredients that make a good marriage. Love is just one of them, find the other ingredients.
4. Get informed about marriage
Pro 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
5. Don’t sweep any character flaws under the carpet
6. No sex and all forms of sexual compromise before marriage.
7. Do not double date. It is a rehearsal for adultery in marriage
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered. Kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals, kindly go HERE
8. Do not plant wrong seeds because you will really reap what you plant
9. Respect each other right from courtship days
10. Be a whole person before marriage. Marriage doesn’t make you whole
11. Be open and sincere about your past with each other. Open your baggage and discuss with each other.
12. Be friends and relate with each other as friends.
God bless your relationship.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I celebrate myself today and always
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Ask that God will prepare you for marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Twenty Two Things We’ve Learnt In 22 Years – Part 2
My husband wrote the first part of this devotional yesterday. I will be concluding on the other part this morning.
And guess what? Today is my birthday! God has been faithful to me.
Let’s get into the devotional….
If you missed the first part “Twenty Two Things We’ve Learnt In 22 Years” written by my husband yesterday, you can read HERE
1. Marriage is done by the mercy of God
Rom 9:16 So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.
There is a part where you work at it from both end, but at the end of the day, it is wise to constantly surround your marriage with the mercy of God.
2. Marriage is highly spiritual. You must engage in all spiritual activities in other to stay at par. Marriage can often be warfare and you have to be prepared for it.
3. You have to be a woman of prayer You cannot afford to be prayerless. A prayerless wife is a careless wife. The devil is out to ruin marriages. Learn to wake up at night to pray as well.
4. Learn to let go of issues. Don’t enforce your right. Be flexible. This goes for husband and wife. You have to close your eyes and ears to certain things.
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5. Be quick to forgive and don’t be revengeful. Be a quick forgiver. Marriage is all about forgiving 7 X 70 times! Practice advanced forgiveness
6. Be free to express your true feelings Be ready and willing to express your true feelings, and the spouse should allow for expression of true feelings.
7. Laugh at each other and laugh with each other Laugher is like medicine, so says the Bible. Let your home be filled with laughter.
8. Be an open book. No secrets Be open about everything. Don’t keep secrets.
9. Don’t insist on your own opinions. Respect each other. Respect is mutual in marriage. Your wife has things to offer.
10. Be a helper. Be supportive, submissive and be ready and willing to make sacrifices
11. Always seek to keep your love ablaze
Have a great day!
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I celebrate my spouse today and always
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, increase my passion for my lover.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Do you know the importance of God’s Word? Now, what does a lamp do? It gives light to a dark area, right? Dark areas are beyond the physical dark places in your environment that require you to switch on the light or use a torch to see.
The unseen dark areas of your life include the times when you are unsure of what to do out of maybe confusion, fear, or pressure.
While in these dark places in your heart and mind, you need light and not a physical light but the light of God. Divine light instantly lights up everywhere, driving out shadows and making you see well. This divine light is God’s word, the bible.
The psalmist in chapter 119 and verse 105 acknowledges what God’s word does for him.
Psalm 119:105 – “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
“A lamp to my feet…”
This shows that with God’s word as your light, you won’t lose your footing.
You won’t fall into any form of sin, fear, confusion, or bow down to any form of pressure from anyone to make you commit a sin.
And even if you happen to want to fall, His word will still help you not to fall.
Look at the second part of the verse – “…and a light to my path”. His word won’t let you fall for they will lighten up your path. They will give you an understanding of any situation you are facing at school, home, or anywhere.
His word will teach you how to handle the situation. He will guide you on what to say, do, or how to act.
God’s word is very powerful. Able to guide, teach and save you from any challenges you might have. His word is also able to show you how you could have managed past problems. This way, when such situations rise up again, you already know how to handle them.
Remember this verse when you seem not to know what to do. Go into God’s word and let his light keep your feet firm and your path bright.
So basically, today is our wedding anniversary! It has been twenty-two years! God has been good. God has been good over us and our children.
It has not always been an express road with so smooth a ride, but it has been one filled with bumps and pot-holes!
However, our marital vehicle did not break down! God kept us. At some times, the engine nearly got knocked, but God did not allow it.
Below are twenty-two things we have learned in twenty-two years of marriage
1. God leads. He always does. Finding out His Will for your life is the most beautiful thing you can do.
2. God’s mercy is real. Without that mercy, nothing remains, really. That is why we are alive! That is why we have not been consumed.
It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
Lam 3:22 (KJV)
3. Communication is key. The absence of it can lead to the marital life being maimed.
4. Become friends before becoming lovers. Don’t jump. Follow the process.
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5. Prayers are important. Talk to God about everything. I mean everything.
6. Be a voracious book reader. Read like your life depended on it.
7. Start your day with His word. That day will be blessed.
8. Loose living and an indisciplined sexual life will always terminate in regrets.
9. Get ready for the conflicts that come from male-female differences. Read ahead and be prepared to handle them.
10. Stay honest. Stay on the side of truth. The truth will always set free.
11. Be open with each other. It’s naked and not ashamed.
12. Be sacrificial. Seek to please your partner. That is the simple definition of marriage. Seeking to please him or her. You see, after pleasing God, the next person to please is your spouse.
To be continued tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not miss it in marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, increase my passion for my lover.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Twenty Two Things We’ve Learnt In Twenty Two Years
Today is our wedding anniversary! It has been God o! Literarily.
And the way the years moved so fast? Like it has been twenty two years! Twenty two long years!
Even though, it kind of looked so fast, I can assure you it has been a long marital road. However, I can also tell you this of which I am sure of, the long road of our marital journey is laced with mercy!
GOD’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
Lam 3:22 (MSG)
We travelled on mercy. We had junctions of His favour! We had stops where angels ministered to us. To God be the praise!
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Here are a few things things I have learnt that may help you in your marriage
1. Pray a lot as married couples. Do everything in prayer. The battle is intense, but God has all the power.
2. Stay close to each other. Do not allow a third party to break your bond.
3. Get a marriage mentor that you can speak to from time to time. Very important.
4. Be open and honest with each other. Avoid unnecessary secrecy.
5. Be faithful to each other. Avoid emotional affairs. Do not starve your spouse emotionally.
6. Be quick forgivers. Forgive quickly and avoid strife like a plague
7. Be friends. Laugh a lot. Play with each other. You need that to live long
8. Do not allow anything to steal your joy. Keep your joy intact.
9. Do not deprive each other sexually. Satisfy each other and never refuse yourselves. Sex is never a tool of punishment or a reward system. It is simply an obligation
10. Decide to be sacrificial. Live to please each other. That is what marriage is all about.
11. Never stop communication. Do not give each other silent treatment. Crack jokes a lot and play together
12. Give a lot. Work hard and trust God for His favour upon the works of your hands.
To be continued tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I celebrate my spouse today and always
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, increase my passion for my lover.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Thou shall not judge. Beatrice scolded Mary from afar with her eyes. How could she not know that taking money from the cashier’s table was stealing? And now everyone knew what had happened.
They were good friends at school and Beatrice couldn’t bear the shame and embarrassment her friend had brought on her. She vowed not to be friends with Mary again.
Weeks before, Beatrice’s mother had followed her to school to see the principal. Beatrice had four textbooks that didn’t belong to her. She had taken them from the bags of her classmates without them noticing.
The principal had scolded her and asked her to return the books and meted out some punishment to her.
All through this, Mary never disowned her or felt embarrassed or ashamed as Beatrice felt now. How come Beatrice suddenly thinks she is better than Mary and labels her a sinner?
Here is what the bible says about sinners.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Romans 3:23
The verse tells us that we were once sinners and not fit to receive God’s love but for Jesus who died that we might experience the glory of God in our lives.
No one can say that he or she has never sinned. Only God can not sin. Once we were sinners and now God has redeemed us from the consequences of sin through Jesus.
With this verse, understand that we can only continue to ask for forgiveness for our sins and receive help to not sin consciously.
And we are not to also judge others as sinners. Do not be like Beatrice, be like God, and don’t judge.
May the Lord give you the grace to not judge anyone. Amen
Prayer: Lord, help me not to judge anyone, most especially my friends. Help me to love them.
Action point: Before you judge anyone, ask yourself if you have ever done anything like they did. Would you like to be judged?
We started on this yesterday. If you missed yesterday, read HERE
4. Two people who are sentimental
When two people who are sentimental get married, their lives will be devoid of principles that are meant to keep them focused and energetic in their marriage and home.
Two sentimental people will always judge a situation from a sentimental point of view rather than principles. In no time, they can ruin themselves because you cannot go very far living and swimming in the ocean of sentiments.
They would not be able to achieve much because they would have excuses for their mediocre lifestyles.
5. Two people who are often uncontrollably angry
Two angry people in a relationship and marriage cannot go far. See the scriptures:
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Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul (Proverbs 22:24-25 KJV)
The scripture here advises that you should not get involved with somebody that has anger problems and who refuses to work at it.
An angry man can take a knife or gun one day and end it all. An angry wife can ruin things in seconds.
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious–– don’t get infected (Proverbs 22:24-25 Message)
6. Two people who are deceptive
Another dangerous combo is ‘two people who are deceptive.’ They both operate under the delusion of grandeur. They tell themselves lies and refuse to confront each other.
They sweep things under the carpet and live under illusions. They deliberately flout God’s principles hoping that somehow things will work out.
Everybody around them wonders why they can’t see the obvious. They are unapproachable and unreachable. But the scripture is very clear:
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
(Galatians 6:7 KJV)
No matter how we pretend, we cannot mock God. You can do all of that with humans, but not with God. At the end of the day, it is not worth it to waste time on what would not work.
We started on the topic of keeping love alive in our marriages in yesterday’s devotional. Let’s delve in the remaining things we need to keep love alive.
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seem greener at the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price and make your own sacrifices.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have simply created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change over night. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not too pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus name.
My children will flourish. A well nurtured garden is always pleasant to look at or to relax in, but no one will desire to stay in an untidy garden.
A garden is not left all by itself to be well nurtured, it takes a conscious effort.
May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace;
Psalms 144:12 (ESV)
Likewise for our children, we must work towards nurturing them by teaching them the word of God, praying for them and believe in God to become what he has created them to be.
We should always pray that our children will be strong and straight and pointed toward heaven.
Not dwarfed by bad habits or foolish choices, not choked out by the weeds of the world, but they will be of visible character who stand alone, strong enough to withstand the storms of life.
Also, that God will grant them visible strength, godly character, and the beauty of full development.
Prayer: My children will flourish in Jesus name. Amen
Action point: Pray for your children
Declaration: My children are blessed to flourish at an early age so that they bring forth the good fruit of godly character.
As singles and married couples, you are to deliberately work things out in your relationship or marriage and with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Here is what the scripture says:
…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12b KJV)
In courtship, you are to work things out. Courtship does not lead to marriage automatically, you are to work things out in your disposition, attitude, and reactions.
Now there are some couple combinations that are sure to crack along the way. When you find yourself in these spots, you need to seek help prayerfully and with a lot of wisdom to address the lurking issues. Here are those combinations:
1. Two people who are unbelievers
Two people who are unbelievers may love themselves, may be committed to each other, but when the storms of life come, they will fight their battles alone and you know, some of those battles can be very fierce.
They will not have God’s support since they don’t have a relationship with God. They will not have the benefit of sonship and it can be very intense! They need to connect with God!
2. Two people who are believers but refuse to grow
The second group of couples are those who may be believers but whose minds are not renewed. The only thing is that they already have a relationship with God, but apart from that, they are still carnal.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered. Kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals, kindly go HERE
They still do their stuff like unbelievers would do. They still want to have fun in forbidden areas and they still want to explore the perverse, which would often come with dire consequences.
My advice for couples in this group is that they seek help as soon as possible.
3. Two people where one is born again and the other is not
Here is another scenario that doesn’t always play out well, except with a lot of patience, prayers, and perseverance. I always advise singles, don’t think of getting married to someone who doesn’t have a relationship with God.
It would always be filled with challenges that you might have to fight alone because you are not agreed on your choice of weapons.
It can be frustrating while one is praying, the other is clubbing.
You want to pray, but he or she thinks you are just being fanatical. That can be very disconcerting, to say the least.
To be continued tomorrow…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not greedy.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love correctly.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Joh 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes, should not perish, but have everlasting life.
It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is amazing.
There is a love wave, love current and all the love vibes around them. They set out professing their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out over night from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
1 Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault’ ‘She very disrespectful’ ‘He’s not kind and loving’ She’s lazy and overly sensitive’ ‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter and full of regret and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy is reciprocal in marriage.
There is a way God expects us to give. Joyful giving is another wonderful way of giving. It comes from your heart. Especially when you see the amount of happiness you put on the faces of others.
2 Cor 9:7(ESV) Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
The bible tells us to give with joy at all times. Not with grumbling or anger. But with intense joy. That is the way God expects us to give.
God gives us with joy. He created the earth with joy in His heart. The bible tells us that while creating the earth, He kept seeing the things he was creating as good.
He kept creating out of the joy in his heart from seeing the wonderful things He was creating.
Be like God today. Give with joy. That is the way God expects us to give.
As you bless others with joy, God will equally bless you too with joy.
First of all, there is a difference between one’s love language being “gifts” and when one is just being covetous or greedy.
If your fiancé/fiancée/spouse’s love language is gifts, what it means is that until you start appreciating him or her with gifts in a consistent manner, he or she will not feel loved.
How do you know if someone is not just being greedy?
1. Do or Die?
He will not always demand gifts in a do-or-die manner.
2. Love Gives
When you are in a relationship, and no gifts are forthcoming, there may be an issue there because love gives.
What if he or she has no money or has no job? As I said, a gift is a gift and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Writing her a poem is a gift!
Buying him one tiny little chocolate is a gift! What is important is not the gift itself, it is the gesture that brings assurance of being loved and cared for.
When you are able to give gifts in the midst of not too much provision, you will also be able to do so when you eventually have more income.
Your giving spirit is more of an attitude than spending power.
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3. Love is patient
He will not back out just because gifts are not forthcoming. She will not break the relationship because you are not financially buoyant.
4. He will not just be a receiver
He will not just be demanding while he folds his arms and never gives back. Love gives.
5. Giving Back
He will give away gifts too because that is the language he understands and that is what he craves. She would want to give back gifts as well.
6. Gift is not Payment
When a lady gives out her body for money, that is not about love language because what she gets is no longer ‘gifts’ it has become an illegal payment for services rendered and that is not God’s order.
7. Conclusion
In conclusion, and in expressing this language, let God’s word guide you and keep you within godly boundaries.
Don’t borrow to give gifts. Don’t take a loan just to impress someone. Don’t start what you cannot sustain. Don’t spend the money you don’t have to buy things that are not needed in order to impress people that are not looking.
May God grant more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not greedy.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love correctly.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Joh 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes, should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Gifts are one of the love languages as postulated by Gary Chapman.
Below are a few of my thoughts concerning this topic.
1. Don’t Manipulate Your Spouse Into Gifts Buying
As married couples, the idea is not to disconnect or quarrel with your spouse if he or she is not speaking your language.
You can lovingly discuss with your spouse what makes you happy. You can also reach out and buy him or her gifts and then your spouse does the same in return.
2. Intertwined
As married couples, acts of service and gifts are intertwined. This is because you can give your time, encouragement, empathy, show your love to her in the kitchen and give her some of your time, watch a football match with him when you will rather be having a nap.
But there are people who associate gifts as a love language to have a lot of money.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
3. Eat your cake and have it?
Some single ladies have different guys for different purposes. Some to buy them phones and tabs, some to pay their rent, some to load their phones, some to buy them air tickets, some to load them with cash… well, this is not about love language, it is more of trying to eat your cake and have it.
If this idea and way of living is brought into the marriage, there will be a lot of issues.
It is more of greed and covetousness. It is more of being caught in the web of the deceitfulness of riches. It is not consistent with God’s principles and this will rather slow you down in your journey to a good marriage.
4. Conclusion
In conclusion, and in expressing this language, let God’s word guide you and keep you within godly boundaries.
Don’t borrow to give gifts. Don’t take a loan just to impress someone.
Don’t start what you cannot sustain. Don’t spend the money you don’t have to buy things that are not needed in order to impress people that are not looking.
