Before we can talk of keeping love ablaze we have to talk of couples living true to their covenant responsibilities. First, we should know that our marriage has a certain mandate in the heart of God to fulfill.
And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. -Malachi 2:13-15 (MSG)
Let’s see how the scripture goes in the Amplified version.
Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows]. -Malachi 2:14 (AMPC)
This is an indication that God takes our marriage vows seriously.
Our marriage vows are not just some cute words spoken on our wedding day, it is a promise before God and then to our spouse.
It is this understanding that will help us to see the reason why love must be kept ablaze, it is a lifelong work. We have to keep at it, at good times and not-so-good times, if we don’t understand the covenant of marriage, we will struggle.
Finally, let me add this for women. Being your best means being a virtuous woman, protecting your husband by satisfying him always sexually, know that his vulnerability will increase and become more intense if you don’t. Refuse to cheat on him no matter what, come what may.
I pray God helps us all in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The wine in my marriage will not run dry, our love is rekindled and our hearts burn for each other.
PRAYER FIR THE DAY Lord, help me to keep my marriage covenant
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows]. -Malachi 2:14 (AMPC)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘one flesh’
It is often said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. The value of friendship is known in hard and tough times. Nothing is as soothing as when a friend speaks to you in your down moments. When his or her words are like cold water to a thirsty soul.
If the effect of a friend could be that felt, how much more is the effect of a spouse? Of course, our spouse is supposed to be our best friend; who we are vulnerable with, with who we can share the joy and the privilege of being naked and not ashamed.
I think every spouse should ask themselves this question: “Am I a friend to my spouse?” Can your spouse confidently say, he/she can find a friend in you? Does your spouse find you easy to talk to?
Every spouse should ask these soul-searching questions and try to find answers to these questions.
It’s easy to point accusing fingers at your spouse, but are you also fulfilling your end? Quit playing the blame game and face reality, walk and work together to make a formidable team.
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? -Amos 3:3 (KJV)
Come in agreement with each other. Forgive every hurt and pain. Marriage is where we hurt deeply.
Some spouses are so hurt they vow never to forgive. If you have any knotty situations, talk things over with your mentors. Sometimes, the issues in marriage require the authority of someone higher than you, just a word, a prayer or a prophetic utterance can solve the issue.
Some people have destroyed their marriage because of staying on their viewpoint of being right. In marriage, it is not always about who is right or wrong, but our willingness to allow God’s purpose to be done.
Jesus our model didn’t insist on being right. He willingly suffered for us, the righteous for the unrighteous. He loved us while we were yet sinners and died for us so we can be made sons of God.
The mandate on our marriage must be fulfilled. Let’s get over with all forms of bitterness, malice, and unforgiveness, these are toxic to our being best of friends with our spouses.
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. –Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)
This scripture is very profound. You must show yourself friendly to have your spouse as your friend.
The issue is some of us don’t even know to be friends; we must aim at being friends with our spouses. I believe the Holy Spirit, the spirit of truth and revelation will help us if we ask Him to.
Here are some ways to be friends with your spouse:
1. Maintaining the right attitude and positive disposition is important.
2. Kind words and loving words; every human being responds to love.
3. Believing the best of each other.
4. Being fun to be with.
5. Not pointing attention to the weak areas of your spouse.
6. Encouraging our spouse.
7. Avoiding criticism, accusation, and blaming.
8. Being very understanding.
These are a few tips for being there for your spouse.
God help us indeed.
May God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my spouse’s best friend, I am loving and kind towards him/her
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to keep my marriage covenant
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. –Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘one flesh’
It is in marriage that all our bad attitudes show up. They show up bad that they give an offensive odour literarily, and guess what, your spouse won’t be able to stand it for too long.
Most of the things we can get by with as a single, we won’t be able to get by with them as married couples.
Remember, your mum used to tell you, you were lazy, and it didn’t matter as long as you were single.
Your friends told you, you were a snob. Your dad told you, you were too temperamental. Your boss told you, you were rude. Your roommate told you, you were too greedy.
All the weaknesses that show up and we get people to correct us about them, is God trying to correct our wrong attitudes.
These same wrong attitudes are what we carry into our marriages. These attitudes cause a lot of trouble. We expect our wives to cope with our negative attitudes, all in the name of being submissive and respectful. The wives should be submissive, but please don’t let us over-stretch ourselves.
Also, the wives complain about the husbands not loving them, but let’s say the truth. Is it easy to love a wife with negative attitudes? Let us make it easier for our spouses to submit to us and love us, as the case may be, and begin to correct any negative attitudes you notice in your life.
God corrects us because He does not want to leave us the same way we are. We have to yield to His corrections if we must live a better life.
For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. –Proverbs 3:12 (KJV)
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? –Hebrews 12:5 -9 (KJV)
The Lord urges us to change our negative attitudes. Here are some bad attitudes that will not make our marriages work;
1. Lazy attitude
2. Unforgiving attitudes
3. Insincere attitudes
4. Selfish attitudes
5. Mean attitudes
6. Unpleasant attitudes
Work on these negative attitudes and the Lord will bless your marriage.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY I work on my negative attitudes
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, help me, I receive grace to work on my negative attitudes
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will work on my negative attitude
THOUGHT OF THE DAY For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. –Proverbs 3:12 (KJV)
All married couples should be aware of what marriage is before they venture into getting married.
Marriage is not the next step to be taken after you are twenty-four, you have finished your Youth service, you have a good-paying job, you have a good apartment, you are good looking and to crown it all, you have a car.
Marriage is not just to fulfill a social or religious obligation nor is it just to fulfill the procreation commandment in scripture. Marriage is more than all these.
It is high time we begin to view marriage with the eyes of God who created marriage. There is a truth in the heart of God about marriage. Marriage is first of all Spiritual before it is physical, natural, and then societal.
Marriage is a mystery that cannot be explained mentally. It is a representation of the Trinity here on earth. That is, how the Godhead is in heaven, marriage is that on earth.
It is really a mystery that can only be lived according to God’s instructions. It is almost impossible to adequately live a successful marital life without following God.
Two different individuals, born and brought up by two different parents, in two different locations with different experiences, different opinions and outlooks to life, different temperaments and just living their lives with differences so parallel to each other. It is a mystery to have these two people joined together to become one flesh. It is almost impossible.
It takes a revelation and a spiritual understanding of what the marriage relationship is all about. Both parties must be meek and humble enough to learn and ask from God how to go about living this mystery.
Without these revelations and understanding, the marriage relationship will be a mirage. This revelation is progressive in nature. The husband and the wife need to be everyday students in the institution of marriage.
Until a class or lesson is passed, there is no promotion to the next class. It is this promotion that marks our progress in life. Once we devote ourselves to being committed to learning from the mysterious institute of marriage, then we begin to enjoy the benefits.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. – Mat 6:33 (KJV)
As we seek God’s kingdom to be established here on earth in our marriages, only then can we begin to see every other thing added to us. We have to aim at doing it in God’s way because that is the only way.
I pray God will enlighten our understanding of the mystery of marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I understand the mystery of marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to understand the mystery of marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mat 6:33 (KJV)But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word ‘one flesh’
The original intention of God for our homes and marriages is that we are blessed by the Lord. God wants us to be abundantly blessed with the treasures of heaven and earth.
We are supposed to be blessed in the city, blessed in our going out, and coming in, blessed in the field, blessed in the fruits of our baby, blessed in the works of our hands, and blessed all around. The blessing is supposed to follow us and overtake us.
The blessing is supposed to be a gift to us as we stay in God’s purpose as His children who obey Him. These blessings don’t however come automatically. The devil will try and contend with the blessing God has already released to us.
He will want to negotiate us out of the blessing. All the devil is after is the blessing. He knows that he who has the blessing is blessed, and there is nothing he can do about it.
The contention over the blessing is real and that is where our intercession comes in.
And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; -Luke 18:1 (KJV)
Our intercession should be always at all times. We are pushing back the hands of the enemy and dislodging his arsenal, his works of wickedness to distract us from doing God’s will. We have to keep the door shut against the devil who is always tempting us with sins.
We need to keep the door shut on our flesh. The flesh ultimately is enmity against God and all that is God in our lives.
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. –Roman 8:7 (KJV)
Husbands and wives are solely responsible to take up their cross daily and follow Jesus and take the opportunity of the help of the Holy Spirit in the place of prayers.
Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. -Romans 8:26 (KJV)
As we begin to engage in the place of prayer we enforce our victory and the blessing that belongs to us rightly becomes our experience.
We don’t have to live below the blessing. It becomes an aberration if we as children of God are anything but blessed. We are the carriers of the blessing, the covenant people, God’s own blood purchase children.
I pray as we take what’s rightfully ours in the place of prayer God will grant us victory and we will experience the blessing in our homes and marriages in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am blessed, I cannot be cursed. I step into my calling as an intercessor
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, in Jesus name I ask for the grace to be fervent in prayer.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. -Romans 8:26 (KJV)
4. Attach Pain To The Experience Of Having An Affair
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, a thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
These sober reflections are necessary for certain positive conclusion to be made. Also, a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this.
A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better and bigger, ready to help those on the same predicament. That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free from.
5. Change The Environment
It might be necessary to change that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what you do within that compromising environment.
If you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. Note that an affair is not necessarily sexual, it could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair, in the sight of God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. –Matthew 5:28 (NLT)
6. Make Sure You Don’t Play The Blame Game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over spilt milk, don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil’s domain; you don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult. You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles. Don’t go to the extreme of condemning yourself.
David committed adultery and murder, yet God called him a man after his own heart. God restored him, and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt Gods love, when He says He has forgiven you, He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed and fruitful
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for the grace to be a good spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. –Psalms 34:1 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to practice
COUPLES – There are certain challenging situations that may arise in marriage. One of this is handling an affair. There are two sides to this situation; there is the part of the erring spouse and that of the other spouse.
In an affair or adultery, the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair, the responsibility is on him/her. The responsibility of the other spouse is just to be supportive and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers to God for healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary; this is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s see some practical steps in handling an affair.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront, you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy you.
You should call it a sin and not just a mistake; it is not confrontation when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask For Forgiveness
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek Help And Support
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know, or there are principles you are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed.
This is the time to search for books that talks about how to handle lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse, etc.
What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened; when light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pit-fall will help you avoid such next time.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to honor my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to Bea faithful spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. –Psalms 34:1 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the above steps of you are guilty.
Our part in the marriage covenant is to obey every instruction in the word of God. This should be your resolve, that your marriage before God is obeying Ephesians 5: 22-26, whether you feel like obeying or not, is not the issue. See what it says;
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. –Ephesians 5:22-26 (NLT)
We also despise whatever we feel or think, which keeps us from obeying the scripture above, just as Jesus despised the shame of the cross. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Necessity is laid on us to carry our cross of fulfilling our marriage covenant.
The Bible says;
If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. –Matthew 10:38 (NLT)
We become worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus when we carry our cross daily and follow Jesus. We carry our cross by obeying Him despite how or what we feel like or don’t feel like doing to and for our spouse.
Our marriage is a responsibility that we must not fail to fulfill, it is spelled out in Ephesians 5: 22-26. What husbands should focus on doing as well as what wives should focus on doing, each party must focus on his/her part of the deal.
We owe our spouse to appropriately respond to our part in our covenant with them. To make sure we provide a conducive environment that will not leave our spouse vulnerable to the attacks and lies of the devil.
We owe our spouses to conduct ourselves in such a way that makes them comfortable in our presence; we do this by being submissive, loving, caring, forgiving, available, etc.
We owe our spouses to be covenant partners in all ways and all aspects of our lives and existence, whether spiritual, in the soul realm, or physically.
We owe our spouses to surround them so that we shut the door against the senseless and foolish sin of adultery and every form of emotional affairs.
I pray God grants us understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY: I will not fail God and my Spouse, I keep the covenant of marriage, and I am a good wife/ husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY: Father in the name Jesus, I declare that I have the help of the Holy Spirit concerning my life and marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. –Ephesians 5:22-26 (NLT)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY: Make a list of the things you need to make amends on and start working on them.
Apart from the fact that marriage is a wonderful relationship with the one you love, there is also the responsibility part. There is something always there to remind us of this truth. Yet for some of us, our flesh, stubborn self, ego, revenge, tit for tat, strife, and unforgiving spirit keep us constantly on loggerheads with our spouse.
When you view your marriage from another perspective, from the perspective of Covenant, it will change the way you approach your marriage.
My husband, during one of our midweek services, taught along this line. It was such a blessing and it changed my perspective about my marriage forever.
God is cutting a new covenant with His people. To God, our marriage is about the covenant and not just about our spouse.
And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. –Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 (NLT)
More so, God was in Christ when He cut a new covenant with us by His blood. Jesus became both the offering and the offerer when He had to fulfill the demands of the law to set us free from death and its consequences. Jesus took the cross, suffered great agony, and endured such shame and pain that He might see us free.
When you begin to see your marriage as a vital part of you, and that Jesus paid the price for you, you will have no choice but to sit up.
Just like the Israelites, Pharaoh wanted to negotiate them out of taking their children, livestock, and all that belonged to them. They were wise enough to know that God was giving them a total and complete deliverance that include all they had.
Your marriage to God is all about the covenant. There is a higher purpose; there is a more important agenda in the father’s heart, which is total deliverance.
Jesus didn’t just die for our spirits not to be lost in hell. He died for everything about our lives; our health, children, marriage, finances, mental health, emotional life, everything.
We owe God to respond back in gratitude, faithfulness, and obedience to our part of the covenant.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY: I will not fail God and my Spouse, I keep the covenant of marriage, and I am a good wife/ husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY: Father in the name Jesus, I declare that I have the help of the Holy Spirit concerning my life and marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. –Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 (NLT)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY: Make a list of the things you need to make amends on and start working on them.
As couples, we are not meant to do marriage without God. He instituted marriage and there’s a picture in His heart, there is a purpose in His heart that needs to be accomplished.
The day you start neglecting God and treating His word with contempt is the day you begin to experience hardship in your marriage.
God’s word is His covenant with us ratified in the blood of Jesus. The word contains all the covenant terms and conditions.
All the requirements of the covenant must be satisfied. When we fulfill our part of the covenant, we automatically enjoy the blessing of the covenant.
That is why the scriptures say I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.
Behold, the days come, saith the Lord , that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the Lord : But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord , I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. –Jeremiah 31:31 – 33 (KJV)
To enjoy the covenant blessings of marriage, you have to have respect for the word of God. Not only respect it but follow it to the letter.
Your obedience becomes your proof of respect. So Bible says;
Husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands. –Ephesians 5: 23 – 29 (KJV)
That’s the covenant requirement, whether it is convenient or not you have to obey and do just that.
That’s having respect unto the covenant. Jesus had to do the covenant requirement even though it wasn’t easy.
You now see why God will not shift grounds. He is a God of covenant, not a sentimental God.
If He could turn His back on Jesus when He was on the cross because He cannot behold sin and because He was carrying the sin of the whole world, God will turn His back on anyone who treats His covenant with contempt.
Let’s begin to respect the covenant God has with us. Let’s begin to do what the word says despite what our body wants or what our flesh is saying.
God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I honour God’s word and covenant in my life, and marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father in Jesus name, strengthen me to honour your covenant all the days of my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands. –Ephesians 5: 23 – 29 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take time to search out what God says about marriage
I am sure Peter must have settled a lot of quarrels for many wives. Many felt invaded or, cheated, and that it’s just not fair being a woman.
They felt they had no rights and they are being trampled upon. Apostle Peter must have had compassion for them. Trying to solve their problems; which varied in dimensions, and seemly complicated.
He, by the Holy Spirit’s inspiration, gave this one all-purpose solution. If every wife follows this instruction they will solve all their marital issues and problems.
I got to a point in my life where I realized this very truth.
The instruction is in 1 Peter 3: 1-6, it is what I call the Honor code for all wives.
In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God. For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them]. It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him Lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you]. -1Peter 3: 1-6 (AMP)
The instructions here are very profound, yet simple and well spelled out.
I want to admit it won’t come naturally to obey this. You will only obey when you give heart to it, study it and spend time meditating on it, study every word and prayerful soak them onto your spirit.
I pray God grants us strength to be doers and not hearers only deceiving ourselves.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise wife, I obey the scriptures, and I honour my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, please work on my heart not to reject your word at any point in time
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. -1 Peter 3:1-3 (NIV)
In the early days of our marriage, I get angry very easily. It was a kind of subdued anger, not enough for me to raise my hands against my wife!
I have never done that and will never do that, no matter what! That is not a manly thing to do! It is unscriptural, and your prayers will be hindered when you raise your hands against a lady.
But, I used to be impatient. I am a quick person but my wife takes her time. I wanted to change her. When I am angry, I start lecturing my wife. After a while, I just had to change because the lecturing thing was not working. I had to learn early in marriage, to calm down when I am angry and then discuss it.
Over the years, I have come to learn to smile at some of the things that get me bothered and aggravated and looking back at those years, I wondered why I had to be angry in the first place! We were not meant to be the same way! A book on temperament I read was what delivered me!
If you are married to someone with an anger problem, here is some advice for you.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. –Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. –Proverbs 15:1 (MSG)
Don’t get angry together and at the same time! Learn to calm down for each other! Get books and read and deal with that anger so that you don’t end up raising angry children who will take the anger to another level.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. –Proverbs 16:32 (KJV)
A few things to do if you have problems with anger
1. Pray about it and ask God to help you by His Spirit
2. Seek help from your pastor or mentors
3. Stay in God’s word. Your soul can be restored when you meditate regularly on God’s word
4. Get good books that address the weakness and study
5. Discuss with your spouse and look at how you can deal with the weakness
6. Learn to keep quiet when you are angry. You often say things you will regret later, but the words, like swords could have done harm.
7. Do not make quick decisions while you are angry. Your sense of judgment is warped at such times.
8. Forgive easily. Don’t be revengeful and stubborn. Let God handle the situation for you.
9. Don’t allow anger and hurts to push you into sexual sins because you want to get back at your spouse. That will complicate issues for you.
10. Don’t listen to someone who appears ‘nice’ and wants you to sin when you are hurting badly. It is usually a trap of the devil to complicate issues when a ‘nice’ person suddenly shows up when you are at loggerheads with your spouse. Be careful!
I rebuke every spirit behind anger and wrath in your life, marriage in Jesus name. I pray for God’s help over you in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am calm. I am not an angry person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give the grace to resist unnecessary anger
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go –Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read a book on dealing with anger
There is nothing that kills marriages faster than what I want to write about today. Anger! In the verses below, Simeon and Levi are brothers, but their combination was a tragedy! Both of them had anger problems. What was the eventuality? They were divided and scattered!
Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel. –Genesis 49:5-7 (KJV)
That is exactly what happens to two angry unrepentant people in a marriage. That marriage cannot survive it. Look at the way the Message translation puts it:
Simeon and Levi are two of a kind, ready to fight at the drop of a hat. I don’t want anything to do with their vendettas, want no part in their bitter feuds; They kill men in fits of temper, slash oxen on a whim. A curse on their uncontrolled anger, on their indiscriminate wrath. I’ll throw them out with the trash; I’ll shred and scatter them like confetti throughout Israel. –Genesis 49:5-7 (MSG)
One angry person can curse a lot of havoc, not to talk of two angry couples!
Are you the type of person that is ready to fight at the drop of a hat? You need to consciously and deliberately start working on that anger problem because it can ruin precious opportunities.
There is a place for a level of anger because we are all human. There is also a place for righteous indignation. But the type of anger that is dangerous is the one that lingers unnecessarily and makes you do things you will later regret.
This type of anger is almost a stupid one because you know you will eventually regret your words and actions!
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. –Ecclesiastic 7:9 (KJV)
Message translation is quite interesting:
Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head. –Ecclesiastic 7:9 (MSG)
I once heard a man of God in one of his messages, where he said he used to have anger problems until he read the above scriptures.
To be continued
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am calm. I am not an angry person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give the grace to resist unnecessary anger
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go –Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read a book on dealing with anger
Let’s look at this scripture below well. We will see the faith process. Whether you are believing God for babies, contract, prosperity, or general well-being the process of faith must be completed.
For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. –Mark 11:23 (KJV)
Let me analyze the faith process here.
1. You must speak to your mountain. Don’t speak about it, speak to it. Address it because you have authority.
2. Speak and give direction to the mountain.
3. Don’t allow doubt in your heart.
4. Believe that you have what you SAY.
5. Then, You will have what you say.
6. Thank God in advance. The faith process is not complete until you thank God by faith for your answers.
The big question is, what are you saying about the situation you are trusting God to see changes?
Do you pray? Declare God’s word and then begin to worry?
Its time as believers to begin to exercise our faith against the attacks of the enemy. Any issue the enemy brings our way is an attack on our faith.
We can deal with the enemy by exercising our faith.
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. –Ephesians 6:16 (KJV)
With our shield of faith we quench every fiery darts the wicked one throws at us.
When we have issues in our marriage, issues with our spouse, or our in-laws, it is not the person that is the issue. It is the wicked one stirring up issues to steal your joy, peace, prosperity and health.
Rise up in the authority of the Lord and hold up the shield of faith against the fiery darts of the wicked one. There is victory on the other side of faith.
God bless your marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have faith in God, my words align with what I believe God for
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to give the grace to be steadfast in faith
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. –Romans 1:17 (KJV)
The message of faith is fast giving way to other popular messages, especially now. I think in my own opinion that we heard more of ‘how to live by faith’ messages than we do now.
Yet, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. As a single lady when I was in the university, we were taught how to trust and believe God for stuff. Then we listened to Papa Kenneth Hagin, the Copelands, Creflo and Taffi Dollars, Jerry Savel, Jesse Duplantis, and Bishop Oyedepo. We saw living by faith as a necessity and we had no options but to live by our faith.
It seems to me that as we got married and life began to happen to us, we allow the message of faith to slip by. At that time, we were working-class people, so we didn’t believe in God for stuff as much as we did before.
We simply waited for the next paycheck.
When we felt symptoms in our bodies, we simply notify our HMO, and we get free access to health care. We even felt it was our right to use the hospital since it’s deducted from our salaries.
The problem is that we are gradually losing our cutting edge in exercising our faith.
As believers, we need to exercise our faith daily.
For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. –Romans 1:17 (KJV)
Our righteousness in God is revealed by our faith. To live a righteous life, to live victorious over fear, a disease, attacks of the enemy, and much more requires faith.
We can never be too mature to use faith. We can never graduate from the school of faith. We have to live by faith. Our existence must be by faith.
Our prayers get answered by faith. We receive our answer to our prayers by faith. There are some issues that will happen in marriage that your way to experience victory will be only when you learn to exercise your faith.
To be continued.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have faith in God, my words align with what I believe God for
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to give the grace to be steadfast in faith
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. –Romans 1:17 (KJV)
Marriage is the place where you will have to come to terms with the practicality of forgiveness. In other relationships, forgiveness is also essential but it may not be as that of marriage.
In marriage, you will have to forgive for the relationship to be healed. You and your spouse cannot avoid each other. You live together, have children together, for the sake of peace and progress, forgiveness is very necessary.
The standard of the Word of God is so high. That’s why it is a narrow road that leads to heaven.
The Bible does not mince words when we are told to love our enemies. Hmmm. I thought we should love our friends and well wishers and stay clear and avoid our enemies.
The bible tells us to love them, and bless those who curse us. That is pretty hard. A hard pill to swallow. I believe that is why we have to live in the spirit so we do not gratify the lust of the flesh.
We need Holy Ghost power. We cannot do it in our own natural strength.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; – Matthew 5:44 KJV
Our differences will most often act as threat to our marital union and our mandate as couples. It will pose a problem to our becoming one.
The natural man tends to be selfish and only one that is submitted to Christ and His word can love genuinely.
It is easier for women to hold on to hurts and have difficulty in forgiving. Women hurt deeply essentially because they are emotional being and because they analyse more.
Whichever way, let God be true and every man a liar. The standard of God’s word must be followed. A different gospel is not for men and another for women. We are to follow and obey the same word.
We should allow the Holy spirit to rightly discern the situation and analyse it for us.
God is not saying we should not be hurt, angry or need time to heal. We should do that and then get over it and move on.
That’s where power lies. That’s where victory begins. The Word says we should be angry but we are not permitted to sin.
We sin when we over analyse. There is a spirit way to analyse things that instead of being bitter, we become better.
When we allow bitterness, we open the door for other demons to enter our lives and afflict us. Disobedience opens the door for the enemy of our souls. We open the door for sicknesses, diseases, poverty, disfavor etc.
Joseph could have wasted his life being bitter. He could have lost years by being bitter. He could have lost opportunities. But he choose to enjoy where he was on his way to being better and to where God was taking him to.
Joseph saw his brothers who sold him into slavery and he analysed the situation well by the help of the Holy spirit.
He said what they meant for evil, God used it to preserve many lives. Can you allow that situation to become a tool in the hands of God?
I’m not saying it will be easy. That’s what taking up your cross daily and following God is about.
Couples, learn to give that situation to God. You are reviled, persecuted, unjustly treated, abused, afflicted, cheated etc. Surrender it to the Lord. Give it to Him.
Allow the Holy spirit to make you see what it really is. Until Joseph saw correctly, he could not forgive and forget.
Jesus was able to pass through the cross because he saw well. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.
He could say father forgive them,for they know not what they are doing.
God is able to turn things around and make your mess a message that will liberate thousands.
Don’t fight your spouse, forgive and move on. Learn what you are to learn. Don’t be afraid of being misjudged or treated unfairly. Jesus was wrongly and falsely accused. He shut His mouth and didn’t answer back. It was tough, but at the end, He was justified and glorified
Ask the Lord to help you see well and He will come to your aid.
COUPLES – How To Show Respect To Your Spouse – Part 2
What are the practical ways to show respect to yourselves in marriage?
1. Know that your spouse is so very special before God. Your spouse is bought with the precious blood of Jesus. Jesus would have come to die for your spouse alone.
2. Do not yell at your spouse. You may be angry but never yell.
3. Allow freedom of expression. It is okay to be different. That’s why you married in the first place. Men and women are meant to be different.
4. Let your spouse feel safe, secure, and trusted by building mutual respect.
5. When you have opposing opinions which will happen most times, you listen. Your listening shows respect.
6. Respect that your spouse is worth listening to. He/ she has something vital to bring to the table.
7. Allow healthy space when it is needed, it shows respect. Let your spouse be by him/herself, have her own friends, her own things etc
8. Do not control one another. Your relationship is unhealthy when there is the slightest control. God asks us to love, not control. Jesus never controlled the church.
9. Both spouses should admit once they are wrong and sincerely seek forgiveness. Swallow your pride and admit you are wrong and apologize.
10. Never treat one another shabbily, in private or public. Show appreciation for every little thing your spouse does. Don’t take each other for granted.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY my marriage is blessed in all ramifications.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will enable you to pay the price for the fullness of His blessings in your home.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Heb 13:4 [AMP]Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.
Against contrary opinions, respect in marriage is mutual. People are of the opinion that respect for the husbands is a big deal. Yes, it is. Just as men do not want to be disrespected in private or public, so also do women need a dose of respect.
Men can readily tell what a bruised ego is and in this part of the world, an average man will not tolerate being disrespected in any form, method, shape, or size. In other to have a relationship that is healthy and mutually beneficial, respect has to be mutual.
Some of us don’t even know when we are being disrespected. The gospel of men’s dominance has been preached for so long that women feel they are not worth much, that they are just worthless, less than good, helpless, weaker vessels.
Contrary, women have tremendous strength, ability, knowledge, wisdom, and great dexterity. It takes great strength to be a mother and give birth to a child. To keep a home, multitask, submit to your husband and stay married. All these take great strength.
But if we are going to have a healthy marriage relationship, we would know that submission to one another in the fear of God is essential. A man not submitted to Christ is a difficult man and hard to submit to.
This is not teaching or telling wives not to submit to their husbands. It is addressing the fact that marriage is meant to be mutually beneficial to both the husband and the wife.
What are the practical ways to show respect to yourselves in marriage?
I will write about that tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed in all ramifications.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will enable you to pay the price for the fullness of His blessings in your home.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Heb 13:4 [AMP]Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.
3. Never allow anybody to come and live with you in the house without the full agreement of your spouse. If your spouse is not in support, your attempt to help others can be at the expense of your marriage and it can drive you apart.
Many marriages are under tremendous pressures because the wife is not only taking care of her husband but several siblings at a time. Issue will necessarily come out of this.
4. Never oppose your spouse openly. Don’t build walls against yourself. If you must correct your spouse, don’t do it in the presence of his friends and colleagues, you might end up adding more to the issue.
However, you can always have a confidant with whom both of you agree you can discuss with, because there are times you really need to pour your hearts out.
5. Never get close to others other than your spouse. Be your spouse’s friend and never allow anybody to come in between you.
There are Delialahs, Jezebels, Amnons, Jonadabs and so on. The moment you know, and you always know that you are getting up close and emotional to someone apart from your spouse, cut it off, or else you will soon be in serious problems. The moment you can hide things from your spouse, it is the beginning of problems.
The moment you can discuss your spouse with colleagues and they discuss theirs with you, you are going too far. The devil will set a trap. Avoid distractions.
May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My spouse is second to none but God.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach us to be a skillful couple in loving you and loving ourselves
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2Co 2:11 MSG After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief–we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse on how you can love each other better.
One man was avidly studying his wedding certificate for hours. Upon being asked why he said he was looking for the expiry date! Sorry marriage does not expire, there is no reverse gear.
Another man was watching his wedding tape, but this time backward! He saw himself remove the ring, walked out of the church entered his car, and zoomed off. He wished he could do that in real life, but sorry! Marriage is a haven, not an oven. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. There is tremendous power in marriage as a couple.
The devil recognizes this power at your disposal as a married couple. That is why his intention is to throw a monkey wrench at your stuff. There are some precautions you can take in order to ensure that you are one with your spouse and that the power of agreement is not broken.
The Christian life is not hard to live, in fact, it is when you don’t follow God that things get messed up and complicated. That is why Jesus Christ said his yoke is easy, learn about it, it is easier that way.
1. If you want a successful marriage, never insult or abuse your spouse on account of someone else. Preserve your marriage by respecting your spouse inside and outside. This is because, for men, respect is a major issue. Every man is egocentric, although excessive egocentricity is not good.
2. Never empower others against your spouse. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg. You are one in marriage, and that is how God sees it. Support your spouse always.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will invest in my marriage. My spouse is second to none but God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach us to be a skillful couple in loving you and loving ourselves
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2Co 2:11 MSG After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief–we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse on how you can love each other better.
