Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married. Break ups in relationships or divorce in marriage are not the best things to look forward to or desire to experience. God hates divorce! However, it happens to a few, even though that is not God’s best for His children.
After broken relationships, separation, or divorce, there will definitely be hurt, betrayal, pain, tears, regret, and heartache. But make up your mind to receive God’s help. Who is at fault is not the issue but getting healed from every hurt. In the name of Jesus, He will give you double for your trouble. God will compensate you so much, He will make you forget.
Here are 5 ways to handle your ‘Ex’ so you don’t become a bitter person but a better person.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
1. Accept the fact that the relationship has ended Some people may be in denial, hoping and praying something will happen. That something will happen is not your prerogative. It takes two committed people to sustain a relationship.
If your ‘Ex’ is not willing, you can’t change that. Don’t try to put a comma where a full stop already existed. Until you accept this fact you are not ready to move forward. You have to let go of the past so you can enter into the new. Even God had to recognize the death of Moses before Joshua can succeed him.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
2. Reduce all forms of communication to the barest minimum All forms of communication should be reduced totally. This will help you avoid double dating and cheating on your new lover. All visits, calls, chats, and texts should be cut off. Some people don’t want to be committed to you yet want to enjoy your company. Please don’t allow this.
They will only end up wasting your time, get you emotionally vulnerable, and then hurt you more. Don’t keep checking their Facebook status to catch up on what is happening in their lives. Don’t get jealous when you see them with someone else. Let your ‘Ex’ be. Don’t beg to be loved. Some relationships just can’t work.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
3. Learn from your past relationship The best revenge you can give the devil is to make up your mind to become better. Don’t let the devil have the last laugh. You might have been cheated or outsmarted, just learn from your past.
It takes two to tangle, so there would have been one or two mistakes you made. Don’t be in a rush to enter another relationship. Don’t try to prove any point.
You are not running a rat race nor are you competing with anyone. Go at God’s pace. Ask questions, what went wrong? What were the wrong choices I made? The questions are not to make you depressed but to make you wiser. Learn human behaviors and tendencies. Learn how not to treat a lover. Learn that ultimately it is only God that keeps and sustains a relationship. Learn that above all God should be top of your priority list.
For people who have been married once, divorce is never the best option for you. God doesn’t want it. But if it has happened, well, you have to trust God to move on, once all hope of reconciliation is out or when there is violence and abuse involved. In addition to what we mentioned above, the key to moving on here is forgiveness. Bitterness will crush you more, so get healed. Don’t use the children to fight back lest you plant bitterness in the heart as well.
I pray God will give you strength in Jesus’ name. Do all you can to fight for your marriage. The consequences of separation and divorce are not what anybody should go through.
I pray that my God will restore that which is lost and fill your mouth with laughter again in Jesus’ name
When God created Adam, the first thing he saw was work. God told him to dress the garden. He bonded with work. Since all humanity was in Adam, we inherited the same disposition. That is why that man around you will always get his fulfillment from work.
When God created Eve, the first thing she saw was a man “toasting” her and staring at her beauty! That is why that woman around you loves to be “toasted,” and gets her fulfillment from home and family.
The man is work oriented and the woman is relationship oriented.
Why Are We So Different?
When a man is out of work or is not working, it affects his self-esteem. When a woman’s love life or family is in disarray, it affects her self-esteem.
When a man meets his friend after many years, the first question is “where do you work now?” When women meet each other after many years, they are showing pictures of the family from their phones!
A man is fulfilled after a good day of work. A woman is fulfilled if she has been loved up with tender loving care since morning!
Why Are We So Different?
Husbands who are workaholics need to be careful. It is a point of quarrel in your home and you may not really know! Ladies who neglect home and care for family need to be careful as well. It will always lead to issues when you fail to care for your home.
Men, leave work at work and don’t bring work home. When you are coming home, think family, think about your wife, be romantic, and your marriage will get better.
Ladies, show interest in your husbands while they work! It will work wonders! Men, go and talk to her while she is getting food ready in the kitchen. She is likely to find that romantic!
There must be balance! Don’t allow her to see your laptop as her rival. Study her love language and speak that language.
Ladies, guys are logical. Be involved in his thoughts. When you are disconnected from him, he gets jealous and he actually begins to think you are someone else!
Keep communication open. Talk about what has been bringing frustration and confront them, rather than sweep them under the carpet.
Why Are We So Different?
Be sincere with each other, and do not hide things from each other. Talk about how you feel, and don’t expect your spouse to be the Holy Spirit that knows all things.
Work like a team and don’t be grouchy over everything. Don’t get hurt by every statement. Be calm, and be patient. Lock the devil out of your home by walking in love with each other and praying for one another.
The same principles work for singles who are in courtship. Make sure there is balance. You can’t say you are busy at work and have not called her in one week! There will be issues. Also, you can’t expect her to be very happy when you are not working and yet you are planning a wedding. What if a man can’t find a job in time? Then find work to do. You may be out of a job, but never be out of work. Simply find something to do and while you are at it, heaven will kiss the earth on your behalf and help will arise for you!
1. You will be sincere with her. One of the first indications of true love is sincerity. Love is genuinely truthful. Love is truthful to a fault. The concept that God has of marriage is that of a covenant perspective. You are one. The moment you begin to hide stuff, it’s like a beehive of troubles.
As singles in courtship, if you are not sincere, it is already founded on shaky ground. It is sincerity that eventually establishes trust. Trust, however you see it, is an important ingredient in marriage. Without it, the marriage will not survive.
If you notice that your loved one is habitually insincere, it is in order that you examine that relationship all over again.
It goes without saying that what you court is what you’ll marry. If you court the truth, you’ll enjoy it in marriage, if you court lies, your guess is as good as mine.
If there is an issue of mistrust and you are already married, seek help. Seek counsel. Don’t keep quiet till it degenerates to a point you cannot manage it.
Ways That Show You Love Her
2. You will express your love to her
Where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So, I really have a problem with folk who don’t appreciate the ones they love and verbalize their commitments from time to time.
Expression of love within the context of a godly courtship should be verbal, not physical. There is a way we do things in the kingdom.
When a guy begins to get physical on the first date, then your antenna should go up and you should know who you are dealing with.
You get to know a person through interaction first. Not through touch.
As a young lady, you should not be freely available to be touched, smooched, and petted when you are not married. Expression of love should be contained within the parameters of verbal communication.
In marriage, you need to understand that praise and affirmations are like food to a woman. She has to be complimented. The tendency is that if you don’t compliment her regularly, you will lose her emotionally.
Again, you need to know that complimenting her, praising her, and affirming her is actually protecting her. When you don’t do these, you increase her vulnerability because people will keep complimenting her outside.
If you are in courtship, and communication is defective, praise and affirmation are absent, you need to know it is not likely to improve after marriage.
As a guy, if you have not been constantly verbalizing your love for her, you’ve not been praising her, you really need to repent of your “sins” and then make sure you change.
If a guy grows up In a family where they are non-expressive, praise and affirmation are non-existent, he is more likely to find it difficult to naturally do all of these.
However, it is never an excuse. As a man, you have a responsibility to make your relationship/marriage work by making the needed adjustments. That is what makes you a man.
Also to note, there could be needy ladies, who are too overbearing on the man, your fiance or husband is not the Holy Spirit, he would not be able to fully satisfy some very deep longings that only God’s word will sort out.
What More To Do For Your Man? 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually. Young wives, you need to know that sex is not a tool for punishment or reward. When he is nice and has bought something for you, you cooperate with him. When he has not been nice, you start singing ‘my head, my shoulder, my knees, my toes, they all are paining me!“
That is not fair! Well, the scripture admonishes couples, ‘defraud ye not one another!’ The scripture calls it fraud when you deny one another without genuine reasons! And really, genuine reasons should only come up once in a while!
What More To Do For Your Man?
Why is sex so important to men? It is because of their wiring, it is not their fault. However, the scripture makes it clear that sexual relationships should only be with your spouse, not with a colleague or somebody you met on a one-night stand somewhere! The consequences of adultery are debilitating. It comes with agony and regrets!
Protect your marriage by enjoying each other and never denying each other. For a lady, it is more than physical workout, it is an emotional thing for her, so when she is hurt, she may not be able to release herself. This is why it is important to forgive easily and let go…because you are still one! It is also why you should treat your wife gently and be caring!
What More To Do For Your Man?
For singles, you are not to satisfy anybody until after marriage. You can put forth all kinds of lame excuses why it should happen but that is not God’s order. If you are going to have God’s support, favour, and help in this life, then you had better do it God’s way. And I really don’t think anybody wants to live without God’s support, favour, and help in this life. Those are what would distinguish and make a difference in your life.
If as a married couple, you are already involved in adultery or with pre-marital sex as a single, it is never too late to ask God for forgiveness and turn around in your ways. That is how not to delay yourself or slow yourself down.
What More To Do For Your Man?
Conclusively, you will never be able to ‘insure’ any relationship or ‘keep’ a man through compromise. Your body is not a commodity to trade; it is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect your body and don’t trade it around because God puts a lot of value on your body and on your person!
Do These For Your Man. There are a few things you need to know about men. Men have certain needs. When a man has a relationship with God, he can better handle those needs as it relates to his fiancee or wife.
What does a man want? Let’s consider a few of them.
Do These For Your Man
1. He wants his ego massaged constantly Never try to crush a man’s ego.
Let me give you a sample. You and your husband are dining alongside another couple. The other lady goes,
“One thing I like about my husband is that he is so patient with me, always available to even help me out in the kitchen most times”
And then, you go like,
“You are so lucky! My own husband? He is so lazy! Rather than for him to help me out in the kitchen, he prefers to sit down playing cards with little kids. I wish he is like your husband…you are so lucky o.”
This is an example, but anything like this, you have just finished the man, he would look for ways to finish you as well, because you just crushed his ego publicly! A man’s ego is so important to him that even if you try crushing it in privacy when you are alone, he will react immediately, not to talk of openly. It is not the way to go.
Do These For Your Man
2. Be ready to respect him If you are a lady, and your song is ‘he never listens to me,’ I can tell you what is happening. Somewhere in his mind, he believes you are disrespectful.’ So any attempt to make contributions he flares up! Do you know why? He sees your contributions as trying to usurp his authority and he shuts you down or ignores you. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, rather than fight back or withdraw in frustration, try making adjustments in how you respect him, even in your choice of words and tone of voice, it all matters.
But Pastor, he doesn’t love me, why should I respect him? The instruction in Ephesians 5 is not a 50-50 contract. It’s 100% instruction.
You are not to respect him because he loves you, you are to submit to him because he is your husband. The same goes for men, you don’t love your wife because she respects you, you are to love her because she is your wife. When couples start seeing it this way, they will be amazed at the changes that will take place in their marriage!
Now, listen to this, if you are so independent and you are not ready to respect and submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage! It doesn’t matter whether you earn more than him or whether you are more travelled, he remains the head of the house.
There cannot be two heads in the house, any two-headed creature is a monster. This is how God instituted it, and that is how it is going to work.
For singles in courtship, here is what you need to know. Never ever try disobeying God in any way because you want to respect your fiancé. For example, he asks you to come over and spend the weekend with him while you are not yet married. You have every right to disagree on that because you and I know what that would lead to. Do These For Your Man
How To Handle Disagreements as singles and couples. Disagreements are part of courtship and marriage as much as the biscuit wrapper is a part of the package when you buy a biscuit. In the natural, we display common sense when we throw away the biscuit wrapper and enjoy the biscuit which is the most important thing.
The start of a quarrel is like a leak in a dam, so stop it before it bursts. (Pro 17:14, MSG)
In our courtship and marriage, disagreement will ensue at one point or another. It is wisdom and understanding knowing how to throw away the “wrapper” and enjoy each other’s companionship because two are better than one and one will chase one thousand but two shall put ten thousand to flight. The rewards and benefits of marriage and courtship are too great to allow trivial misunderstandings to rob us of these benefits.
Essentially, in marriage opposite will always attract. You were attracted to her in the first place because she is not like you. She is a woman, and you are a man, a whole world of difference. I and my husband are very different. He is a Choleric while I am a Phlegmatic. He is quick, fast, and decisive while I am not. I take my time, and process things first before doing things. We first had issues in courtship because we both wanted each other to be like each other. He wanted me to be fast and quick, I wanted him to take things easy. We are still very different, but now we have learned to accept, appreciate and celebrate our differences. We have decided not to major in the main.
We have learned to allow God to work in our marriage and use our unique differences to bring blessings into our home and ministry. This is one of the reasons why you cannot afford to marry an unbeliever. When you marry a believer God becomes the center of your relationship and He gives direction to your relationship.
Here are 5 practical steps that will help you in handling disagreements in your courtship and marriage.
How To Handle Disagreements.
1. Accept your partner’s difference
This is not about resorting to fate and condoling the weaknesses of your partner. It is an understanding based on the fact that you cannot change any man. You did not die for any man including your partner so allow his/her saviour to do the job of transforming them. Accept the fact that because you are from different backgrounds, your opinion and reasoning will not be the same on all issues of life.
How To Handle Disagreements.
2. Allow God’s word to be the continual judge and umpire of every disagreement
Always learn to handle disagreements by doing what the word of God says. One of the most basic fundamental principles of a successful marriage is” Husbands love your wife and wives submit and respect their own husbands”. So whatever the situation, always ask yourself, “ Am loving my wife or am I respecting my husband in this issue”. Following this golden rule will resolve any disagreement.
How To Handle Disagreements.
3. Grow in your relationship with God
The more we place emphasis on our relationship with God, the more our relationships with our fiance or fiancee, husband, or wife become better. This is because courtship and marriage require spiritual energy to make them successful. Once your priority is your walk with God and being led by God’s spirit, your relationship just enjoys the benefits of a spirit-controlled life. You know God is the greatest lover, He just teaches you how to love her better, and how to respect him more.
How To Handle Disagreements.
4. Don’t let things degenerate into strife
The ultimate aim of the devil is to get all disagreements to a point of strife, quarrels, abuse, fighting, and then what people now call irreconcilable differences. If you are a believer and you have the Holy Spirit, there are no irreconcilable differences, only differences you choose to make irreconcilable. Learn to forgive quickly and move on. Don’t allow the devil to fulfill his ministry of stealing, killing, and destroying in your relationship.
How To Handle Disagreements.
5. Be humble enough to see from your partner’s perspective
If you are not humble enough, you will be saying the same things, in different ways and yet you will not see it. It takes humility to see things from another person’s viewpoint. Don’t always insist on your own. It is pride to think your own way must always to the acceptable way. Be willing to allow your partner to have his/her way, especially if it’s not a matter of life and death. Even if it is, learn to talk to God about it, and allow Him to work things out. He always does a better job than you.
One of the most powerful things you should know is your identity in God, who you are in Christ Jesus!
“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” (Jer 1:5, KJV)
You are never a mistake. You are simply unique. Your experiences and your situations should never define you. Your uniqueness was put in place by your creator, so any situation cannot change or tamper with that.
Purpose precedes creation. God knew you before He formed you. So he packaged in you all you will need to fulfill your purpose on earth.
Your natural talents and dispositions are often a pointer to who you are created to be. Find that purpose and stay there because that is where your prosperity lies!
After the wedding, your individuality is not lost but greatly enhanced. Mutual help and support come from your spouse to even become a better person.
3 Truths Singles And Married Should Know
2. You are not condemned
“God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.” (Joh 3:17, MSG)
The second thing you need to know is that you are not condemned unless you condemn yourself.
Yes, you made a mistake, Peter made a mistake too. What you need to do is to repent and return to God, not run away from Him.
Judas made a mistake too, but he couldn’t embrace God’s forgiveness, so he hung himself to death.
Don’t hang your destiny because of a mistake. Rise from the ashes and doldrums of yesterday and move into the newness that God has for you!
Be sincere with your spouse. Be open. The truth sets free.
3 Truths Singles And Married Should Know
3. Your future is bright
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jer 29:11, MSG)
You may not know where you are going in life, but God knows, so it is wise to stay with Him. You may not have an inkling of what God is doing with you, but your maker knows what He is doing.
Everything may look confusing, but God says He had it all planned out. God says if you can stay in line if you can stay on the path He has for you, everything is already planned out!
His plan is to take care of you, not abandon you, His plan is to give you hope and a future you hope for!
I challenge you this morning, do not yield to that wrong voice because of desperation. Do not allow the devil to trap you. Stay with God. He has it all planned out. Your brain may not be able to figure out how it is going to work out, but God’s got your back.
Stay with Him. As you stay faithful, He will unveil His plans for you and your life will never be the same again! You will walk in your marital destiny and you will not miss it in Jesus’ name
Join hands together with your spouse to fulfill destiny! Be blessed!
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t. Most singles anticipate marriage so much they fail to take time to adequately prepare themselves for the challenges ahead. The wrong mindset before entering into marriage and not correcting such mindset will lead to serious issues in marriage. It’s like when you want to enter a university. That feeling of, ‘yes, at last, now I am on my own, no more school uniforms, no more plaiting of the hair, no more principal, no more caging by teachers and parents, no more …. and the list goes on and on.
Really it’s a good feeling and a good place to be but there are also challenges. Rigors of day-to-day activities, missing the pleasures of home and the comfort of parents. There are also a lot of risks.
However, those that were well prepared and guided with a good mindset and remain responsible while in the university have great testimonies despite the challenges.
This morning I would like to encourage and prepare the hearts of our singles about marriage. What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
1. Marriage is hard work A lazy person spiritually, emotionally, financially, and physically may not be able to endure the rigors of marriage. As a lady, there is hard work in keeping your home, children, in-laws, and husband. Hard work in balancing personal life, with career, ministry, home, family, and husband. You become the managing director of the home and personal adviser to your kids and family on all affairs. As a mother you become everything from the cook, to the nurse to the children’s teacher, to the driver, in short, you become super and spider woman together. As a guy, hard work in being the spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional head of your family. Providing money is hard work. Ensuring you are a good leader and worthy example is also hard work.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
TODAY IS DAY 6 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
2. Marriage is not just about feeling Marriage is about commitment and a decision to stick to a person you choose to live with till death do you part. Love includes feelings and feelings can be fickle. Situations affect our feelings. In marriage, you will not always feel loved nor will you feel like loving your spouse all the time. You will hurt and you will feel hurt.
3. Marriage is a lot of forgiveness. You need to start taking confessions now about being prompt to forgive. Jesus said we should forgive 70 multiplied by 70 times in a day. That’s such a high standard to follow, which we must meet up to.
4. Marriage is about the ability to stick it out through thick and thin. In marriage, we start from the lower rung of the ladder and keep going up. However, for some, the bottom of the ladder is really, really low. Whatever the bottom of the ladder is, we climb up. Remember, nobody climbs a ladder from the top.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
5. Marriage is first spiritual before it is physical It’s a terrible mistake to think your marriage is just physical. Remember, the source of a thing is the sustenance thereof. Marriage came from God so it takes God to sustain it. There are spiritual principles that sustain marriage if you will make a success of it. A lot of prayers, confessions, and spiritual warfare needs to be done. A lot of spiritual covering by mentors.
6. Marriage requires a lot of wisdom Wisdom is the principal thing, in all your getting, get understanding. As you are getting married, you also have to get wisdom. Wisdom is the engine of any successful marriage. Wisdom in knowing what to say, how, when, and why. Wisdom is knowing how to react. How to get what you what and not hurt your spouse.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
7. Marriage is balancing, the spiritual, physical, and emotional aspects together. All these three chambers of marriage have to be satisfied. There must be sexual satisfaction or fulfillment, emotional fulfillment, and physical and spiritual fulfillment. Maintaining this balance is not always easy but it must be achieved.
Will You Fight Or Give Up? I remember vividly. It was examination time. The news traveled all over the campus. He was a final-year student in the Law Department. He was writing one of his papers. But the examination was rudely interrupted because he lost his mind. He never wrote that examination.
We live in a wicked world. The devil has come down with wrath. His time is short and he wants to wreck as many destinies as he can.
We all have issues in our families and extended families. There is always a family or lineage issue. In some families, they simply die young. In some, they usually marry late. In some, they hardly marry at all. In some, there is not a single millionaire. The only one that attempted it lost his life at it. In some, they give birth late. In some, it is diabetes, while in others, it is cancer. In some, they travel out and they never come back. In some, they are mostly drug addicts. In some, they are prone to marital abuse. In some, they are never well-read. In some, they are well-read but never get good jobs, In some, it is a story of separation and divorce. It goes on and on.
When you find yourself in the midst of such attacks and visible trends that are negative, you don’t joke about your relationship with God, or else you will repeat the history of your lineage.
You see, there is a way to exempt yourself! Will You Fight Or Give Up?
The first thing is to make sure you are born again and you have a relationship with God. That is the starting point.
The second thing is to stay away from compromise. Do you know what compromise does? It drags you back to the devil’s turf, and it is like cooperating with the enemy of your soul. You see, you cannot go far with God if you are always getting into sinful habits and yielding to the flesh. That is what Apostle Paul is trying to say here:
“Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [ your new life spiritually ] with the [ Holy ] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [ by dependence ] on the flesh?” (Gal 3:3, AMP)
You started a life in God as His child. You cannot go back to your old way of living while still claiming you are His child. You cannot be in the choir and sleep around. You cannot be the assistant pastor and be desecrating that soul committed into your hands. You cannot be a leader in the church and yet you are defiling several lives. You cannot be canceling lives that came for you for counseling.
Paul said it was foolish and senseless. Why would he say that?
It is the same reason I started with. You looked around yourself and you see battles. You see attacks. You see haters. You see people that don’t want you to rise.
As a child of God you are simply exempted from these attacks. But when you go back into some habitual sins, you actually empower the devil and his cohorts against yourself. That is why Paul said it is simply senseless and foolish.
Yes, it simply foolishness to shoot yourself in the leg.
Your grandfather had a child out of wedlock. The same thing happened to your dad. And now, your girlfriend wants to be spending nights at your place, does anybody need to tell you that condoms would soon fail and the same household wickedness is about to be perpetuated?
Your dad and mum are divorced. Now, you and your wife are about to do the same thing and you blame it on “she is disrespectful or he doesn’t love you.” Don’t you know that forces of hell are at work?
Will You Fight Or Give Up? Listen to me, it is time to fight. Fight for your life. Fight for your destiny. Fight for your marriage. Fight for your posterity and prosperity. Fight for your dream. Fight for God’s counsel over your life!
Decide to live right. That is how to fight. Decide to stay away from all forms of sexual sins. Do not empower the enemy against your destiny.
Jesus destroyed the curse of the law. All curses have been dealt with and you have been redeemed from the curse of the law. Jesus spoilt principalities and powers and made a show of them. He lined them up and showed them to the body of Christ that they are now weak and beggarly elements.
Glory! Jesus conquered them! Will You Fight Or Give Up?
Now, you need to enforce victory over every evil by your relationship with God and by living a life devoid of sin.
Fight by looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith! You already won, you only need to enforce that victory.
Let me conclude with this well-known scripture:
“From the time of John the Baptizer until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful people have been seizing it.” (Mat 11:12, GW)
Decide to be forceful from now. Decide to rebel against what God has not given you! It is time to uproot every tree that God has not planted in your life.
May God grant you more understanding. Will You Fight Or Give Up?
How To Strengthen Your Connections. Our connection has to be strong whether we are married or single. It’s all about friendship oneness, union, togetherness, and understanding.
for you in courtship, know that your courtship is to build a solid friendship. The married folks will tell you that friendship is everything.
When you are friends with your spouse the problem is half solved. You don’t fight your friend and even when you fight you easily end it because you are friends and share a lot in common. But if you can harbour strife successfully for two weeks or more, then we should question your friendship.
One important ingredient your courtship and marriage should never lack is your ability to constantly talk. Have loving, meaningful, and thoughtful conversations.
In strengthening our connections, we will be using the illustration of tending a vineyard as an example.
We can strengthen our connection using four analogies for those that are married and intend to get married.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
1. Adjusting
Just as in tending a vineyard you make adjustments as a couple.
As couples, you need to make certain adjustments to accommodate another life in your space. You no longer live for yourself. You make your own necessary adjustment because it’s easier to change yourself than your spouse.
As a single person begin to adjust your thoughts, words, and actions
How To Strengthen Your Connections
2. Prunning
As you prune your vineyard to get a better harvest, so also you prune your life’s activities. You begin to cut off unnecessary activities that can hinder your aims as a couple. Not all activities are beneficial for your relationship. You cut off such non-essentials.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
3. Supporting
Just as you support a vineyard for maximum productivity, you have to support your relationship and marriage. The support of godly friends, mentors, family, and whatever can be of support to your relationship or marriage at whatever stage you are.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
4. Renewing
Your relationship and marriage need to be constantly renewed so that you will not lose the taste and flavor of your marriage.
Renew your relationship by having constant date nights, vacations, and fun trips together.
Reduced To A Piece Of Bread. What I want to write about this morning is a plague that is eating deep into the body of Christ. You see believers, tongue-talking, bible reading children of God falling into this sin, some very deliberately and some not so deliberately. Whether it was a deliberate sin or not, it doesn’t make it any less sinful and displeasing to God.
We shall take our text from the book of
2 Sam 11: 2-5 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”
The mere fact that it is a well-thought process means we can prevent it from happening.
The book of Proverbs calls it a senseless act. It turns those who involve in it into a crust of bread. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
Pro 6:26 (KJV) For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
TODAY IS DAY 2 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
The consequences far outweigh and outlive the momentary pleasure. What. it does is that it throws the family into perpetual sorrow and heartache. It affects finances and one’s wealth and health.
There are countless stories of men who were once rich but adultery swept their wealth away. Their families are not always together.
Why do you want to put fire in your bosom and then not expect to be burnt?
You will definitely be burnt. And you know burns always leave a scar. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are unmarried, a guy or a lady, and you are involved in this, just know that it has consequences.
You say you can’t help it. Days of ignorance God has winked at but now He is holding us accountable for our sins. God will forgive but the consequences live with us.
As in the days of David in our text, it was a well-thought-of action like it is with most of the people that engage in it.
There is always enough time to think about the consequences.
I want to encourage us this morning to stop the process and think of the heartache and pains you are putting your family through. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are getting too close for comfort to the opposite sex, cut off the relationship before you get into trouble
You really like him but it’s too late you are already married, cut off that relationship before you cut off your life and destiny
Be true to yourself and retrace your steps. Ask for God’s Mercy and turn around from your ways.
You are in another man’s arms because you want no one force you. You are in the embrace of another woman other than your wife because you love the pleasure of sin.
Let me stop here. We will not be Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
I pray for God’s Mercy to come into the heart of all those truly seeking a way out in Jesus’ name
A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away. We can either respond or react. Most times husbands and wives are seen reacting rather than responding. It takes great maturity and understanding to respond and not react. Understanding the marriage covenant that you and your spouse are a team and understanding the personality of your spouse.
This scripture in Proverbs is not just for the wives but also for the husbands. Let’s take a look at what it says:
Pro 15:1 KJV A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.
It’s talking about both our words and our response to words. In any scenario, in marriage or a relationship, we are either talking and responding or reacting to what is being said.
TODAY IS DAY 3 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away. Ask questions to seek knowledge of why your spouse did certain things. Don’t jump to conclusions about things. In order words, don’t be judgemental or accusatory, Seek to find out the reasons behind your spouse’s action.
Correction is better done when the reason behind an action is known.
Let’s look at another translation in the Amplified
Pro 15:1 AMP A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.
Don’t be careless with your words. We see that both in our relationships and marriage, what is said and how it is said matters a lot. So also how we respond. A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away
We often leave how we spoke and focus on how our spouse responded. And this could be a cycle of speaking in an offensive manner, your spouse reacting to what is said, and the spouse who initially said something now reacting back to the reaction of the spouse. And before you know it a whole lot of time and energy is dissipated
God is not about pointing accusing fingers. In marriage or a relationship, it is not about who is right or wrong. Or trying to prove a point, it’s about fixing the marriage and letting the marriage run smoothly.
Anytime there is a negative vibe, a negative reaction follows. But God is asking us not to react but to respond in a calm and loving way. That is where the work is. To speak softly even when your natural reaction should be that of anger.
Let’s look at another scripture
Eph 4:29 KJV Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Eph 4:29MSG Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
So in conclusion, in your relationship don’t speak harshly to your fiance or fiancee. Speak in a way that is thoughtful. Carefully think of what you want to say and how you say it. Ask the Holy Spirit for His help in your choice of words tone and body language when speaking. It is not just saying what you feel like saying, it is considering others. Yes, the truth hurts but even Jesus spoke the truth in parables.
In our marriage let us be mindful of our words. Be mindful of your responses too. Don’t react in anger or withdrawal or give the silent treatment. Respond by explaining and admitting when you are wrong.
God bless our marriage. A Gentle Response Turns Anger Away
God Will Show Up For You! Happy new month to you all. God’s faithfulness has kept us alive in the days, months and weeks of 2022.
It can only be God. Despite the so many evils and hardships. It is not just another month, it is the last month of 2022.
God saves the best for the last and He is still the God of the last minute miracle. Yes, He is. So in your marriage and relationship, expect God to move like never before. Why? Because He loves you and He has already given you His best. If Jesus could die for you and I, then there’s nothing God cannot do for us.
God will usually want us to corporate with Him in receiving anything from Him. Look at the gift of salvation for example, Jesus paid the ultimate price for us. He suffered, was crucified, rose again, defeated death, went to hell, gave us the victory. Guess what? With all that Jesus did, we only gain access to this beautiful privilege and transformed life if we accept His sacrifice for us. God Will Show Up For You!
If you don’t believe and accept, then you forfeit all the right and privileges of redemption. You lose all these if you fail to do your part. Why does God do
this? He is Lord. He is the unquestionable God. He says what He wants and it becomes a law. We just have to submit to His will.
Nehemiah 8:10 (KJV) Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
God Will Show Up For You! The last phrase says the Joy of the Lord is your strength.
You can only access the strength of the Lord if you are happy. You access the supernatural strength of God by being joyful.
God says I have a better way for you to have the victory on your relationship and marriage. He says my way and method is for you to be joyful.
Yes, I know your husband is cheating on you. He is been unfair. He lies. He is insensitive. He is cruel and unkind. He has accused you and it hurts bad. Your in-laws are not kind to you. Yes, your relationship is complicated. You have had so many broken relationships. You are afraid of what the future holds.
Whatever your situation is, in your own marriage or relationship, let the joy of the Lord be your strength.
Maybe you are struggling financially, things are not just working, you need God’s intervention to pay an urgent bill, you are believing God for the fruit of the womb. You have suffered loss. I know these situations are not palatable, yet God must be obeyed.
Whatever your case maybe, the way to victory is Joy. God Will Show Up For You!
That joy will not be what you feel like doing. You feel like crying, having a pity party, complaining, being sad and depressed. But God says don’t be sorrowful. Be joyful. Be joyful purposefully. Your joy has a purpose, it becomes strength to you. It becomes the strength of God. How powerful that is.
Strength for what? Strength to do God’s will. Strength to march on in victory.
Remember this last month of the year, be joyful. Say no to every form of sadness around you. Avoid the complaining, murmuring, put on the music and dance. Be thankful to God. Then God will show up for you in your relationship and marriage. He will step in. Because you have chosen to obey His word.
You will have the strength to do the impossible. The strength to take up new project. The strength to rise again. The strength to mount up like the eagles. The strength to access the abundance God has for us.
Some of us have to fight the battle against unhappiness. Learn to be happy again. Be happy with the little you have and see it multiply. Make up your mind to give this last month to joy. You have been sad enough in the last 11 months. Now is the time to change tactics. Be joyful. God Will Show Up For You!
Fasting and Prayers Begin Today! Find useful links below:
Overcoming Relationship and Marriage Problems. There are several enemies of relationships and marriage. These are also enemies of God because marriage is instituted by God.
I can tell you there are deep-seated problems and issues. There are issues that the people involved don’t even know why they are acting the way they do. There are adultery-ridden marriages on the verge of destruction. There are crying brides and frustrated grooms.
There are singles in love with the ones that do not love them. There are manipulators and users. There are singles who believe they are cursed and their very beliefs follow them all over. There are couples who are living like roommates, just existing, enduring instead of enjoying their union.
There are people who have walked down the aisle but are now strolling up the aisle alone and walking out of marriage. There are couples waiting on God. There are those battling with sexual perversions, ranging from pornography, masturbation, and even homosexuality and lesbianism.
What is happening?
Overcoming Relationship and Marriage Problems
“Say unto God, How terrible art thou in thy works! through the greatness of thy power shall thine enemies submit themselves unto thee.” (Psa 66:3, KJV)
Listen carefully, I don’t know what your challenge is, I don’t even know what the monumental problem is, but this one thing I know, and this one thing I want you to know this morning, the light of God shines and darkness will never overcome it! You need to believe and slowly absorb that.
Through the greatness of God’s power, every enemy will be subdued.
What is that enemy fighting in your relationship or marriage?
Childlessness? Sickness? Health Challenge? No suitor? Financial issues? Generational trends? Perversions? Confusion? Addictions? Serious issues you cannot even discuss with your pastor?
Listen to me, there is the power of God that no problem, issue, puzzle, or enigma can withstand!
That scripture says, through the GREATNESS of His power, it didn’t just say through His Power but through the GREATNESS….
How great is God’s power to you? What is the greatness of His power in your heart? How much of this power do you realize? How much of this power can you tap into? How do you see His power in your relationship, marriage, and life?
“The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. But with an overrunning flood he will make an utter end of the place thereof, and darkness shall pursue his enemies. What do ye imagine against the LORD? he will make an utter end: affliction shall not rise up the second time.” (Nah 1:7-9, KJV)
Overcoming Relationship and Marriage Problems
How do you see God? What is your opinion of Him? Far away God? Disenfranchised by your situation and unconcerned? Or the very present help in every trouble?
Listen to me people of God, whatever is making you cry right now is too small. Whatever is making you sad right now is nothing before His power. That depression and despondency that wants to overwhelm you cannot withstand the power of God in your life.
Discover that power you carry! Realize that which you have. You are in a covenant and relationship with God that is backed by the very throne of God.
Get back into His presence today. That is where you will activate that power that already lies in you. Get back to God and make your way right, and then His enemies in your life will be subdued. It didn’t say, they may be subdued, but they SHALL….
It is not a speculation, people of God! Get angry today! Refuse to accommodate that problem in your life. Sack that issue trying to lord it over your life. Jesus got you the victory already.
Get back into God’s word. Fill your heart with it. Meditate on it. Say it and stay with it. Confess it. Spend time in His presence. Let His presence rub on you.
I challenge you today. Go to God. You have tried some other means. You are beautiful but have no husband, you need the greatness of His power. You can speak phonetics, but no wife, you need the greatness of His power. You work hard but have nothing to show for it, there is a power to get wealth. They don’t marry in time in your family, but you can be exempted. They die early in your family but that is not your portion.
Refuse to fear any longer. Stop dining with negative talkers and start rubbing your mind with divinity!
Overcoming Relationship and Marriage Problems
The power of God will save you, it will deliver you, and will put a smile on your face! Let this truth settle in your mind. Start thinking about possibilities. Nothing is wrong with you, the devil is a liar. You are a child of God, don’t follow anybody to bathe in the river. Don’t light any red Candles. Go into God’s word and encounter the greatness of His power!
Rise up today, Arise and Shine for your light has come!
Sally struggled in her thoughts. Since she has given her life to Jesus, nothing spectacular has happened in her life, or so she thought. She wondered whether she would eventually make it.
Sometimes, her thoughts would wander away and meander into the terrain of doubt and the foggy path of faithlessness. Has she made the right decision in serving God? It looked like those that didn’t know God or are not as spiritual as her are getting things done faster, getting married, and are happier.
Really, she is confused. It is the same experience with George. He is not sure this “born-again thing” will lead him anywhere. He feared being a loser at the end of the day. It simply seems walking with God is the slowest thing that can ever happen.
The couple down the road the Johnsons are not spared either. The economic downturn of their nation is really biting into their finances. They wake up every morning, hoping to japa! All hope seems lost!
Well, I am here this morning to encourage you! This Will Not End In Shame!
“Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them. They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.” (Psa 22:4-5, KJV)
The ones that have gone ahead of you trusted in God, and God delivered them. Trusting God does not mean trouble will not show up, but when you trust Him, no trouble or issue will overcome you.
They trusted in God and they were not confounded.
Listen to me, people of God, when you trust God all the way, it will look like you are finished, but you will not be finished. It will look like you are a loser, but you will laugh at the end. It will look like you made a useless decision, but in the end, people will seek your counsel.
The wisdom of God is foolishness to this world. It cannot be naturally discerned.
Look at verse 5 in the Amplified version:
“They cried to You and were delivered; they trusted in, leaned on, and confidently relied on You, and were not ashamed or confounded or disappointed.” (Psa 22:5, AMP)
They trusted, leaned on, and confidently relied on God, and they were not ashamed or confounded, or disappointed!
This Will Not End In Shame!
I declare over you, you will not be ashamed. You will not be confounded. You will not be disappointed.
Stay with God, people of God. I say it again, stay with God.
Do you know the problem that people normally have with this?
They usually compromise while trusting God. The moment you get into some habitual stuff, the whole process is ruptured! And that is when it looks like you are defeated.
Why are compromise and sin dangerous here?
The devil is the accuser of the brethren. He is looking for every mistake and accuses to God not to bless you. Then He comes to you and accuses God to you. God does not love you! He will accuse man to God and accuse God to man.
And so, if you are not grounded in the word, you will tend to believe him and the moment you have an ill feeling towards God, your creator, and benefactor, the whole process of trusting God is tampered with.
If you don’t want to see shame as a child of God, stay away from sin. Stay away from all sexual sins.
A lifestyle of sin brings shame.
“By righteousness a nation is lifted up, but sin is a cause of shame to the peoples.” (Pro 14:34, BBE)
A lifestyle of sin makes people blaspheme the name of the Lord. They will say something like, “Oh, she is born again, why would that happen to her? Where is her God that cannot deliver her?”
But we see from the above scripture,
They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded!
But Pastor, I am not in any habitual sin, and yet nothing is happening? You need to know there are timings and seasons. When you want something done for you but it is out of God’s season for your life, it may not happen, simply because it is not time yet.
Also, you need to know that there are things you can do that will speed up God’s plan in your life, that will break the bars of delays, will make crooked places straight and that will release unprecedented favour into your life.
What are those things? Here are a few of them
1. Stay with God’s word. Read, meditate and confess regularly
2. Pray in the Spirit daily, it strengthens you to trust God more by opening your eyes
3. Be a tither and a giver. Be consistent. Support God’s work. Don’t be careless with it
4. Serve God in a local assembly. Spend your time, talent, and treasure for God
5. Forgive all. Stay out of strife.
6. Stay out of sin. Clean up your life. Let dangerous habits go.
6. Honour your biological parents and spiritual parents with your seeds. Listen to them.
7. Be full of thanksgiving
These are just a few things. In trusting God, you trust with all your heart. And I can tell you, you will not be ashamed! This Will Not End In Shame!
Accountability and Falling In Love. Ade and Sally were crazily in love. It was like love out of the novels. They were so much into each other. But they kept their love life secret. In no time, situations beyond them arose, and they are unable to handle it, so the relationship was ruined. You see, life has a way of dealing you things beyond your wisdom and often people who have gone through what you are going through are the ones that can help.
The Johnsons who are married found each other in similar scenario. The husband believes there should be no third party. In the end, the wife felt oppressed and their relationship nosedived quickly, enveloped with attitudes, withdrawals, and sexlessness too!
Accountability and Falling In Love.
I remember I was accountable as a student when I fell in love on campus in 1996. Even though our pastor was a student then, we still remained accountable. Before I asked my wife out, I informed our fellowship pastor and he encouraged me! May God not send you to a person who will talk you out of God’s plan for your life. Many people’s dreams have been killed by the people they trusted. Mephibosheth was entrusted to his nurse, but the nurse “dropped” him and he became lame!
Accountability is a spiritual exercise that protects your relationship. When you are accountable, it helps you to be cautious and to consciously stay away from pre-marital sex. It also helps you to report each other or even report yourself.
Most sexual sins are perpetuated when your relationship is shrouded in secrecy. The moment one party is saying you should not tell anybody, then something is wrong somewhere.
Accountability and Falling In Love.
After the wedding, accountability continues. It is a powerful principle you shouldn’t joke with. The couple should agree on who will mentor them. In marriage, when there are issues, it is wrong to pick up your phones and report each other to your parents or friends. When you do that, the situation will aggravate. Parents will be biased towards their children, friends will also be biased. You need somebody who has nothing to lose, is not biased, and is ready to be truthful to the two of you.
As couples, do you have somebody you can call on the phone when there are issues behind you? I do that for a lot of couples around the world, and situations that have degenerated into serious issues for days are often resolved in minutes, not so much because I know so much, but because of the grace of God upon my life.
As I conclude on Accountability and Falling In Love, I have discovered that if a couple can do these three things, all other issues are just minor.
These three things are
1. Stay away from cheating and unfaithfulness
2. Forgive each other quickly and stay accountable
3. Pray together regularly I pray that God will grant you more understanding.
