The issue of honor in marriage is critical. A marriage where there is no honor is no order. The wife does what she likes and the husband does what he likes. The marriage is not governed by any rules. Christ is not at the center of the home.
We must understand that God instituted marriage. He is the one who said it is not good that man be alone.
He has an original plan and purpose for all marriages. Each marriage is unique. Each home has its own unique pattern. Each marriage has its own unique place in the heart of the Father.
Honor is thus a way to invite the Lordship of Jesus Christ into our lives.
Couples must learn the honor code at all cost. Without honor, nothing will work in the home.
Here are three major areas you honor your spouse
1. Honour your spouse by giving preference to Jesus in your marriage
Giving preference to Jesus is giving Him the leadership in your home. Let Him take the lead. It is seeking to find out what Jesus would do in every situation.
2. Making sure that the marriage works.
It includes doing everything possible to see that you forgive yourselves.
3. Making sure that you are patient with each other.
Everything in marriage has two sides to it.
In anger, calm down.
May God bless our marriages!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will honor my spouse daily
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused on you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 2:2 (MSG) I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery.
In today’s devotional we’ll be looking at pleasing your spouse without dishonoring God, let’s take note of the following, they are not exhaustive.
Do whatever your spouse loves Learning about love languages is not just for learning sake. It is so that you begin to do those things you discovered they love and enjoy. You must seek to become an intentional spouse and lover.
Loving your spouse by speaking their love language may not come naturally to you. You have to make efforts in pleasing your spouse. That’s when love comes with it being a choice, a decision, and a sacrifice.
Seek wisdom Marriage is an institution where wisdom is required to be successful in it. Don’t ever assume you are a guru in understanding your spouse.
Some have made this mistake only to be awaken to the rude shock that their spouse have not really being happy for decades. That’s when the spouse seeks divorce after so many years and people are wondering what happened.
Seeking wisdom on various issues in your marriage is very vital. Read books about marriage. Hear veterans in the marriage institution talk and counsel you.
Learn male / female differences God is a God of variety and multiplicity. As different as there are people, cultures, languages, food, nations, so wide are the differences between male and female.
Until you learn about these differences, you cannot fully understand or enjoy the uniqueness in the differences between you and your spouse.
Get a mentor
The place of a mentor in your marriage is very crucial. There are some things you should learn not by experience but by the wisdom of those who have gone ahead of you.
You don’t have to learn through mistakes. Sometimes the mistake might be too costly. Avoid that route of heart ache and head ache.
Get good mentors, seek their wisdom, listen to them, learn from them and obey their advice, their wisdom will help you in pleasing your spouse.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have understanding
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, bless my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 44:7 (KJV) But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.
The issue of in-laws is a very important one. If you have in-laws and they live in the town where you live, proximity should be handled with care.
In laws ought to wish their children the best at least to the best of their knowledge.
I believe it is best before marriage to prepare your heart to accommodate your in-laws in a cordial relationship. It is also good to accept them for who they are.
I am so blessed, when it comes to my in laws. My father, brother and sisters in law are so warm, I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Both in laws live in another town from us and it’s a blessing (although it has its own disadvantages).
So when some of our married couples begin to say their issues about in-laws I just wonder. Nonetheless, it’s an issue that affects our home and marriage and so has to be addressed.
Here are some helpful hints.
1. It is wrong to discuss your spouse with your parents and in-laws.
2. Getting in touch and staying in touch has to be done by the couple at both ends.
3. If an in-law has to stay with you, it has to be your joint consent. If your spouse is not in agreement, you have to pray about it. Until there is consent, don’t go ahead.
4. If your in-laws need financial support (brother or sister) you should decide together how much you will give.
5. It is your responsibility to send financial support to your parents and in-laws every month or otherwise as the case may be.
6. In the event that a sick parent or in-law has to stay with you, you must give your wife all the support she needs, emotional, physical and financial. Make her comfortable taking care of them.
7. Don’t let any in-law come in between you. You are married and nothing should change that.
8. In case you are parents in waiting, don’t allow the pressures of your in laws to tear you apart.
9. No one should encroach on your privacy. Don’t allow or permit it. You are married to your spouse.
10. You must put your foot down when it comes to protecting your spouse. But you also need the wisdom of God. So make sure you pray for wisdom and God’s help.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God strengthens you to make the right decisions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Hosea 14:4 I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.
1. I will pursue my career, it is my life, don’t hinder me
Some married couples see their spouses as hindrances to fulfilling their careers, dreams, and desires. This is rather dysfunctional because, in God’s idea of marriage, your spouse is supposed to be an added advantage to the success of your career and dreams. No wonder the Bible says,’ One will chase a thousand, two will put ten thousand to flight’. This is a good deal, don’t you think? Your partner is supposed to push you ahead 10,000 times more. When you begin to feel otherwise, something is definitely wrong.
Maintaining balance between your career and relationship is one of the greatest achievements you can have in life.
2. My spouse cannot fully satisfy my needs, I need some other emotional affairs.
Well, in the agenda of God, your spouse is not supposed to play God and completely meet all your needs – that’s why ultimately your relationship with God is still your most vital relationship. Nonetheless, you do not need any form of an emotional affair, especially with any opposite sex. Your love relationship with your spouse should be such that you are satisfied and contented with the one God gave you needing no emotional gratification from any other.
For singles, this lie can open you up to double dating and emotional affairs, which are dangerous habits, because it is the rehearsal for extra marital affairs. You are supposed to be faithful, even emotionally.
3. Being vulnerable is not the best, you need to have some self defence mechanism
Usually, any self-defence mechanism that is not from the spirit of God will eventually lead to regret. God wants us to follow him and to do that wholly. Different people develop different defence mechanisms. Some don’t share their deepest longings; desires or aspirations, thinking if they do, this vital information will be used against them.
Some keep extended family issues away from their spouse, saying, ‘it’s my family issue, it’s none of your business.’ This is very defective because once you are married; you no longer have two families but one big family.
4. I need to have some people I get advice from without my spouse’s knowledge.
I am not saying you should not seek counsel. Remember in the midst of godly counsel, there is direction. However, the counsel is qualified – it has to be godly. That the Bible says ‘godly’ means there will be ungodly counsels too. One major characteristic of godly counsel is that it will seek to lead you more towards God and a well-balanced relationship. If this is the aim, then it should not be secretive, kept away from your spouse. Any relationship your spouse does not know of or approve of will eventually lead to negative repercussions.
5. Little lies in your relationship are inevitable.
Some people feel lies are part and parcel of any relationship. Some even say ladies are wired to believe lies, they prefer lies to truth. Well, this is an ungodly myth that is a wrong seed in your marriage or relationship. It will eventually yield unpleasant fruits. There are no little or big lies, white, grey, or black lies. A lie is nothing but a lie. One degree away from the truth is a lie. Sincerity becomes a priceless ingredient in the making of a godly marriage or relationship.
I pray that God will help us more and continue to open our eyes of understanding to know Him more and understand His ways better.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The counsel of God is my delight. I have the wisdom to stay away from dangerous habits.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will help you to stay on the path of truth and prevent you from falling into these dangerous habits.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient:all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of your life and make amends
Gen 2:25 (AMP) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have been married for three years. Blessed with two vibrant princes, their family seems ideal, observing it from the external.
They seem to have everything going for them, good jobs, good pay, nice car, wonderful apartment, yearly vacation, and more goodies anybody would pray for…except for one thing…Mrs. Johnson is unhappy and her energy for “family” is fast ebbing out.
The only reason she is unhappy is because of her handsome husband, the man has changed! Or so it seemed. He doesn’t talk again, he internalizes, makes decisions alone, and acts like his wife has no brain!
This treatment, deliberate or not, can be debilitating for the woman in the house with attendant consequences that are as varied as they could be dangerous.
Now can I tell you in one swoop why keeping secrets within marriage can be very unwise?
It is just this: There is no secret you keep that will not be found out.
It is better for you to open up yourself rather than for your loved one to find out. When they find out themselves, it will erode trust. The devil will capitalise on that, harass their minds and tell them there are more things you are keeping away. Once this happens, it affects everything, even your prayers!
Take a look:
Mar 4:22 (KJV) For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.
So, it will be brought open eventually, you wouldn’t want him or her to be the one bringing it to open!
Why would a guy marry a lady only for her to find out later that he already had a child somewhere? I feel that is unfair, really.
Why would couples hide phone messages from each other? I cannot fathom that! Really!
You are married, for God’s sake!
There are some things we might have picked up from cultural affinities, but culture is not scripture!
There are some things we might have picked up from parents, but observation is not revelation!
Why would you build a house in town without your wife’s knowledge? You see there is a difference between marriage and bondage!
Your spouse is given unto you to help you, unless you want to say God is lying, and you know that is not possible.
When you hide stuffs from each other, you have snuffed out the life out of your helper! He or she would become a frustration, almost a hell rather than help! That will not be your portion!
She is going to definitely react to that, and there are some reactions that can be far too much that the whole family is set on edge!
It is even more terrible to now see that what you don’t discuss with your spouse at home is freely discussed with some lover out there!
Yes, I know there could be the possibility of being disappointed by your loved one when you trusted her with some information in the past, but you see marriage is about learning and growing together.
The solution is not always to move away, hide or cut off from the one you are in covenant with but to grow together.
Couples need to understand that the information you are entrusted with should not be found out there with some close friends or even your parents.
Do not allow anybody to put a wedge between you and your loved one!
Eph 4:25 (MSG) What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.
Be open to each other. Don’t hide things from each other. It will bring healing. It will bring freedom. It will erase suspicions. It will build trust.
Yes, I know there might be some difficulty in opening up, not because you want to keep secrets but because that is the way you have been brought up or probably what you observed from your parents. That can be valid.
But its validity is not an excuse in any way. What you must strive to do is to get better everyday, keep learning and keep making adjustments in other to have a good life and be able to raise a great family.
Men, God has entrusted a lot of responsibility into your hands and you cannot fail God. God has made you the head that the whole family might see through you because the eyes are located in the head. You are to give them light and lead them in God’s way.
One day, you will actually become a grand dad! And you really want to be proud of the dynasty that God will raise through you if Christ tarries.
Your role as a man or husband is an assignment from God. Lives are entrusted into your hands and I pray for you this morning that you will not fail God.
Sincerity is not stupidity. Being open does not translate to vulnerability. Being open is strength because it will strengthen your marriage!
Keeping secrets can be a strength when it is not kept from your spouse.
This is how to know if there is a big problem: You can keep secrets from your spouse, but you cannot keep it from those outside! Now, that really needs some attention and counseling!
I pray that God will open your eyes the more and help you to make necessary adjustments in Jesus’ name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am open to my loved one. I will not hide things from him/her
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
I receive grace to be sincere
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mar 4:22 (MSG) We’re not keeping secrets, we’re telling them; we’re not hiding things, we’re bringing them out into the open.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read books on how to be a good spouse
