by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Jul 31, 2026 | Singles
Reading Time: 5 minutesAt your friend’s bridal shower, someone hands the ring around the circle so everyone can “try it on and see.” When it reaches you, you slide it onto your finger, hold your hand up under the light the way she did in her engagement photos, and for one unguarded second you imagine it’s yours. Then you slip it off and pass it along, laughing at the right moment, while something in your chest quietly deflates. You go home wondering what it says about you that you still don’t have one. That question, what does my bare hand say about my worth, is exactly the question Scripture was already answering three thousand years before diamonds became a dating milestone.
God sends the prophet Samuel to the house of Jesse in Bethlehem to anoint Israel’s next king. Samuel takes one look at Eliab, Jesse’s oldest son, tall, strong, exactly what a king was supposed to look like, and assumes he’s found the one. God stops him immediately:
“But Yahweh said to Samuel, ‘Don’t look on his face, or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for I don’t see as man sees. For man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart.'” (1 Samuel 16:7, WEB)
Samuel was doing exactly what we all do, reading value off of external, visible markers. A tall frame, a commanding presence, the kind of look that makes a room go quiet. Eliab had all the outward credentials of a king. But God’s correction is blunt: those markers tell you nothing about what actually matters. Man looks at the outward appearance; Yahweh looks at the heart. David, the youngest son, the one nobody thought to call in from the fields when the prophet arrived, was the one God had already chosen.
Now translate that principle to the specific lie this article is named for: that a ring, or a wedding date, or a spouse’s name attached to yours, is the outward marker that finally proves your worth. It is a modern version of Samuel’s mistake, just aimed inward instead of outward. You look at your own bare hand the way Samuel looked at Eliab’s height, and you draw a conclusion God never authorized: no ring means not yet valuable, not yet chosen, not yet enough. But God’s verdict on human worth has never been about outward status. It has never been about marital appearance. It has always been about the heart, and specifically, about who you are in Christ, not what accessories or achievements decorate your life.
This matters because value that depends on a visible marker is always fragile. If a ring is what makes you valuable, then losing the ring, through breakup, widowhood, or simply never receiving one, would mean losing your worth. That cannot be true, because your worth was never rooted in the ring to begin with. Elsewhere Scripture teaches that in Christ you are a new creation, fully loved, fully adopted, fully valuable, with or without a spouse. The ring was never the source. At best, it’s a beautiful symbol of a covenant between two people. At worst, when we let it become a scoreboard, it becomes a lie that measures your soul by your left hand.
David, notably, wasn’t given a crown the day he was anointed. He spent years as a shepherd, then years running from Saul in caves and wilderness, before he ever sat on a throne. God’s declaration of his worth came long before the external proof arrived, and long before it looked, from the outside, like anything about his life had changed. That’s the pattern God still uses. Your worth in his eyes isn’t dated to your wedding day. It was settled before you ever walked into that bridal shower, and it will still be settled on every ordinary day between now and whatever future God has for you.
It’s worth asking honestly why a ring carries so much symbolic weight in the first place. Part of it is cultural, a visible marker other people can see and respond to, a story that resolves the way stories are supposed to resolve. Part of it, though, is that we’ve quietly let a piece of jewelry answer a question only God was ever qualified to answer. A ring can tell you someone chose you. It was never designed to tell you that you’re valuable enough to be chosen, and it certainly can’t tell you what your worth would be in its absence. Those are questions Scripture already answered before any of us were born, and 1 Samuel 16:7 is one of its clearest answers: God’s evaluation runs straight past every visible symbol to the heart underneath.
Living This Out This Week
Consider Priya, twenty-nine, who catches herself doing a mental inventory every time she’s at a gathering, silently counting how many people in the room are married, engaged, or “further along” than she is, and ranking her own worth accordingly. This week, she decides to interrupt the habit the moment she notices it starting. Instead of scanning hands for rings, she asks herself one question borrowed straight from 1 Samuel 16:7: What is God looking at right now? Not her hand. Her heart, her faithfulness, her honesty, the way she just encouraged a discouraged coworker, the quiet ways she’s been growing in patience even when a gathering like this one used to leave her irritable for the rest of the night. The habit doesn’t disappear overnight, but naming it breaks its grip a little more each time, and by the third or fourth gathering, she notices she’s counting rings less and noticing people more.
Try the same exercise this week. When you catch yourself measuring your worth against someone else’s relationship status, pause and ask what God is actually looking at in that moment, and let that be the measure you trust instead.
Your hand does not need a ring on it for your life to matter to God. He has already looked past every outward marker straight to your heart, and what he sees there is worth more to him than any symbol you could wear. Let him have the final word on your worth, not your finger.
Reflect
- What outward marker, a ring, a title, a status update, have you let stand in for your sense of worth, even subconsciously?
- If God is looking at your heart rather than your relationship status right now, what do you think he sees that a bridal shower or a dating profile would never show?
- How would the way you treat yourself on a hard, single Friday night change if you actually believed 1 Samuel 16:7 applied to you?
A Prayer for Today
Lord, you look at the heart, not the outward appearance, and yet I keep measuring my worth by whether I have what someone else has. Forgive me for letting a bare hand or an empty seat convince me I'm less valuable. Thank you that my worth was never dependent on a ring, a wedding date, or anyone else's approval. Teach me to see myself the way you see me, fully known, fully valued, fully loved right now, exactly as I am. When I'm tempted to compare, remind me that you already settled this question long before I did. Help me walk today rooted in what you see in my heart, not what the world sees on my hand. In Jesus' name, amen.
Your Action Step
This week, each time you catch yourself comparing your relationship status to someone else's, say 1 Samuel 16:7 out loud and name one heart quality, not appearance quality, that you're grateful God sees in you.
by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Jul 28, 2026 | Singles
Reading Time: 5 minutesThe best man’s toast gets a warm laugh when he says the groom “finally found his other half,” and you laugh too, because it’s sweetly meant and everyone around you is smiling. But something in you quietly flinches, because if that’s true, if marriage is what makes a person whole, then what does that make you, still sitting at the singles table with your half-eaten cake, apparently still only half a person?
An Ancient Argument With a Modern Echo
Paul wrote to the church at Colossae to counter a specific false teaching that had crept in, one that suggested Christ alone wasn’t quite enough. The false teachers were adding extra requirements: special spiritual knowledge, angel worship, rigid rule-keeping, additional rituals, all sold as the missing pieces needed to reach true spiritual completeness. Paul’s response is direct and almost blunt in its confidence.
“For in him all the fullness of the Deity dwells bodily, and in him you are made full, who is the head of all principality and power.” (Colossians 2:9-10, WEB)
Christ himself, Paul says, holds all the fullness of the Deity, nothing lacking, nothing to add. This wasn’t an abstract theological point for the Colossian believers, many of whom were being told, in various forms, that their standing before God was still incomplete, still pending some further ritual or hidden knowledge. Paul’s letter systematically dismantles that anxiety, chapter by chapter, insisting that everything necessary for a right relationship with God was already accomplished in Christ, nothing deferred, nothing still owed. And because you are united to him, you are made full in him too. Not partially full, waiting on an additional ingredient. Full. Completeness, in Paul’s argument, isn’t something you build by adding the right components to your life. It’s something you already possess the moment you’re united to Christ, because he himself is not missing anything that needs supplementing.
When “Other Half” Becomes an Accidental Heresy
The sweetly-meant wedding toast, said enough times, over enough years, in enough movies and cards and conversations, quietly imports the very error Paul was correcting into how we think about marriage. If your spouse is your other half, the math implies you were only half a person before you found them, that something essential about your personhood was unfinished until a human relationship arrived to complete it. That is simply not what Scripture teaches, and it’s worth saying clearly: Jesus himself never married, and no one, not Paul, not any writer of Scripture, ever suggested his life was somehow incomplete as a result. If the pattern of Scripture were that marriage completes a person, the Gospels would be describing the least complete human being who ever lived, and that is obviously not the picture we’re given anywhere in the New Testament, where Jesus is instead portrayed as the fullest, most whole human life that has ever been lived.
What about Genesis 2:18, it is not good that the man should be alone? That verse is often used as a counterargument, but read in context, it describes Adam’s specific situation before the Fall, without another human being anywhere on earth, tasked with a vocational mandate, tending the garden, naming the animals, that genuinely required a partner. It was never intended as a universal statement that every unmarried person today is currently incomplete or defective. Paul, writing under inspiration in 1 Corinthians 7, explicitly commends singleness as good, not merely tolerable, precisely because it doesn’t diminish anyone’s completeness before God.
None of this makes marriage a lesser gift. Marriage adds real, good things: companionship, partnership, shared life, a covenant reflection of Christ and the church. But it adds those things to a person who was already, in Christ, missing nothing essential. Marriage is addition, not completion. The completion already happened, fully, at your union with Christ.
This distinction isn’t just theological hairsplitting. It changes what you actually expect a future spouse to do for you. If you enter dating or marriage believing you’re incomplete and looking for someone to finish you, you will eventually, and unfairly, ask another human being to carry weight only Christ was ever meant to carry, a level of validation, security, and identity no spouse can consistently supply. Couples who build a marriage on that expectation tend to find it buckles under the pressure. Believing you’re already full in Christ before marriage isn’t just good news for your singleness. It’s protection for whatever marriage may come.
Naming the Truth in the Ordinary Moment
This shows up in small, specific moments more than grand ones. A form that asks you to check a box, single, married, divorced, widowed, and something in you reads “single” like a verdict rather than a fact. A seating chart at a wedding that quietly clusters unmarried guests together, as though singleness were a category of guest rather than simply a season of life. A well-meaning sermon illustration that assumes every listener either has a spouse or is actively hunting for one. A relative’s question at a holiday table that lands with more weight than it should. A quiet, persistent internal narrative that treats your unmarried status as evidence that you’re not yet finished becoming who you’re supposed to be.
This week, when that word “single” comes up, on a form, in a conversation, in your own head, practice consciously pairing it with the truth Colossians 2:10 declares over you: single, and complete in Christ. Not single, waiting to become complete. Single, and already full, lacking nothing essential, because completeness was never something a spouse was ever meant to supply. You don’t need another half. You were never handed to the world as one.
The next wedding toast you hear will probably still use the same line, and that’s alright, it’s said with love, not theology. But you can let it wash past you differently now, knowing the fuller truth underneath the sentiment: that groom wasn’t half a person before he met his bride, and neither are you, sitting at whichever table you’re sitting at, already whole in the only way that was ever going to hold.
Reflect
- Where have you absorbed the message, from a toast, a movie, a well-meaning relative, that marriage is what makes a person whole?
- What would change about how you carry yourself if you actually believed Colossians 2:10 is true of you right now, unmarried?
- Is there a specific moment, a form, a question, a holiday, where the label "single" feels like a verdict of incompleteness, and what truth do you need to speak over that moment?
A Prayer for Today
Lord, thank you that my completeness was settled in Christ, not left unfinished until a wedding day. Forgive me for absorbing the idea, even quietly, that I'm only half a person until I'm married, that lie doesn't come from you, and I don't want to keep carrying it. Remind me, especially in the moments when my singleness feels most exposed, like a form to fill out or a question at a family gathering, that I am already full in Christ, lacking nothing essential to who I am. Let me hold the good desire for marriage without letting it define whether I believe I'm whole. In Jesus' name, amen.
Your Action Step
The next time you fill out a form or answer a question about your relationship status this week, silently name one specific way you are already whole in Christ right now.
by Ogbonnaya Akpoke | Nov 21, 2025 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: < 1 minute
When Love Feels Unequal
Not every relationship feels balanced. Sometimes one person gives more, prays more, forgives more. Singles often face this tension while dating someone who seems less invested. Couples experience it when one spouse feels they’re carrying the emotional or spiritual weight alone.
But here’s the truth: love will never always be 50/50. Some days it’s 80/20, other days 40/60. What matters is whether both people are committed to closing that gap when they can. What matters is whether both are giving their 100% whilst striving to do better.
However, my dear singles, if you constantly feel like the only one giving, kindly step back and assess. Love shouldn’t drain you before it blesses you.
Married couples, here’s for you: instead of keeping score, focus on building balance. Communicate. Appreciate what your partner does, even if it’s not in your preferred way. Encourage growth rather than resentment.
God’s love toward us is always greater—and that’s our model. We keep giving, but not foolishly; we love, but not blindly.
Let’s all love like God.
When Love Feels Unequal
by Ogbonnaya Akpoke | Oct 16, 2025 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: < 1 minute
For singles, the “talking stage” can be exciting. You’re getting to know someone, conversations feel endless, and hope is high. But many hearts have been broken here—not because of love lost, but because of love assumed.
Guard your heart. Don’t start calling someone “my man” or “my woman” just because you’ve been talking for a few weeks. Clarity protects emotions. Don’t assume, seek clarity. Ask, “What are we doing?” Someone who is serious will not be afraid to define their intentions.
Couples, guarding your heart matters too. You’re married, yes—but guard it from distractions, from emotional bonds with others, from careless comparisons. Affairs don’t usually start in the bedroom; they start with unchecked conversations… they start in the mind.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Guarding your heart in the talking stage is not about suspicion; it’s about wisdom.
Whether single or married, don’t let emotions outrun clarity. Protect your heart so it remains whole for the one God has truly given you.
Guarding Your Heart in the Talking Stage
by Miracle Adedugba | Sep 10, 2025 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: < 1 minute
How To Discern Modern Dating Traps
Digital dating has introduced new behaviors with old roots. Some of these dating traps are avoidance, manipulation, selfishness, ghosting, disappearing without explanation, and breadcrumbing, dropping just enough attention to keep you around, break trust, distort identity, and waste time. Yet your value is settled: “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). You were not designed for confusion or crumbs.
When someone’s words promise connection but their actions dodge commitment, you are not “needy” for wanting clarity; you are healthy. Kingdom love tells the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6; Ephesians 4:25). Jesus modeled honest, direct communication, and even hard truths in love (Ephesians 4:15). The goal is not to win attention but to walk in integrity.
Discern the traps early:
1) Inconsistent energy; hot today, cold tomorrow (James 1:8).
2) Private affection, public distance (Song of Songs 2:7; Proverbs 27:6).
3) Perpetually “busy” with no concrete plans (Proverbs 20:4).
Protect yourself wisely:
1) Raise the standard; Request clarity on intentions and timelines (Amos 3:3).
2) Match effort, not fantasy, and respond to reality, not potential (Proverbs 13:12).
3) Bring community in; Seek counsel from mentors/pastors (Proverbs 15:22).
4) Keep your peace; If their presence creates constant anxiety, step back (Philippians 4:7; Colossians 3:15).
5) Don’t audition for love. Jesus already secured it. (Romans 8:32, 38–39).
If you’ve been ghosted, resist bitterness. Release them and bless them (Romans 12:17–21). God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Clarity is not too much to ask. It is the path of love.
Shalom!
