Loneliness is a powerful feeling. Like desperation, it can make people settle for less—for relationships they know aren’t right. They do this just to fill the empty space in their hearts. However, if you make a decision based on loneliness, it will often lead to premium tears—your temporary fix causing you long-term pain.
Sometimes we mix it up, but get it straight now. God didn’t propose marriage to Adam because he was lonely. No! There’s a world of difference between being alone and being lonely.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 [NKJV]
A man can be alone, but not lonely. Another man can be married to a woman, yet lonely. “Being alone” means being singular—be it physically, in an assignment or project, etc. while “being lonely” is a void in the heart—a feeling of emptiness in the soul that is often caused by a lack of active participation in purpose.
Adam was too busy with what God had committed into his hands to do that he didn’t even have time to be lonely. He was alone but not lonely. God had to come to initiate marriage when he saw that Adam needed a helper.
For singles, the temptation to say “Maybe this is the best I can get” often springs from loneliness. Seeing others in relationships makes matters worse, making you feel like time is running out. That’s desperation. But don’t let the feeling of loneliness and desperation push you into something unhealthy. It’s better to wait alone than to walk into a relationship that steals your peace, your values, or your destiny. The wrong relationship will drain you much more than loneliness ever could.
For married couples, well, you can be married and still be lonely. Loneliness can still creep in—especially when communication is broken down or when life gets overwhelming. However, the solution isn’t to withdraw, seek emotional validation elsewhere, or compare your spouse to others. The solution is to fight for your marriage to thrive again—work towards reconnecting. Talk. Pray together. Block out every channel (the opposite gender) that gives you emotional satisfaction. Remember why you chose each other. And fight to reconnect.
A good marriage is not built on constant excitement; it’s built on commitment through every season. Commit to working on your marriage. Commit to fighting for the spark to return again. Sometimes, or most times, it starts with just one of the spouses. If it’s you, then don’t get discouraged. Keep your eyes on the goal, regardless of what you see on the way. Don’t allow loneliness to last. Don’t allow it to lead you into an emotional affair and, ultimately, a full-blown affair.
Ultimately, may we all always recognize that God is always present with us, so we can draw strength from Him.
“Do not fear, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10.
God is always present, even in seasons when you feel lonely. So, instead of making hasty decisions out of desperation as singles, trust that His timing is perfect. While waiting, keep active with your purpose. The right love—one that honors God—will come. And if you’re married, the love you already have can be strengthened.
We usually love “love” when it’s easy—when there’s laughter and romance, and everything feels right. And we can be tempted to think that’s all love is about. But what if I tell you that love can be inconvenient? What if I tell you love also demands patience, sacrifice, or even choosing to stay when walking away seems easier?
As singles, it’s easy to chase relationships that feel good in the now, even when you know the person is wrong for you. It’s easy to run at the slightest pressure. It’s easy to define love by “butterflies in the tummy.” But real love isn’t always convenient. It requires waiting on God’s timing, it requires walking away from the wrong person even when it hurts, and it requires choosing to love with wisdom instead of emotions. It requires staying strong even in valley moments. If someone only “loves” you when it’s easy—when you agree, when you look your best, or when you are crushing milestones—that’s not real love. Run, my dear, run for your life.
As married couples, you have to CHOOSE to love even through difficult seasons—when viewpoints differ, when tempers rise, when stress comes, when flaws are exposed. You must choose to love, forgive, communicate, and to fold your sleeves and get to work as you labour together for a better tomorrow. This is what real love is—real love can be tough. Tough love it is. The popular John 3:16 says:
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
God loved us, and He died for us! Tough love, I say—a love that gives, even when it’s costly.
Is your love just in the feel-good times? Or are you willing to love, even when it’s not convenient?
P.S.: Dear singles, this is not about you staying even when the red flags are glaring! Please don’t get it twisted. Shalom.
When people think about love, they often picture grand gestures—expensive gifts, romantic dates, or the recent ongoing proposal craze. Ehm, all these are good and to be injected into the relationship or marriage. But listen, at the end of the day, true love isn’t proven in those big, glamorous moments but in the ordinary, everyday ones.
For singles, it’s easy to get carried away by appearances and by those exciting moments in a relationship. But let me let you know that even the devil can be a tall, dark, and handsome man who knows how to spoil you with fun. So, don’t allow your emotions to make the decision for you—let your brain function well, too. Beyond the romantic dates and sweet words that juggle your emotions, ask yourself: Can this person love and respect me in the ordinary, everyday issues? Can they be patient when you’re stressed? Can they handle disagreements with maturity? Do they regard your opinions? Do they have empathy, not just towards you but also towards others?
Love that you will enjoy in marriage isn’t built on butterflies but on consistent character. It’s in the small, everyday matters. Romantic date nights won’t happen every day in marriage, right? But you will live and relate with each other every single day. Open your brains, my friend.
For married couples, well, you’re already in. So, take this and implement it in your marriage. Love isn’t just about anniversaries and pulling off surprises; it’s about the little, simple everyday choices and acts—choosing patience over anger, choosing to listen instead of dismissing, choosing kindness when tired, washing the dishes without being asked, sending a thoughtful message in the middle of the day, offering a hug after an argument, instead of banging the door and storming out of the house. These small moments may seem insignificant, but they are the building real VIPs—the real blocks of a strong marriage.
“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18).
Love is a daily decision to love in action—in the daily, little things of life, not just in the grand gestures.
Please, how do I end this now? Ehm, okay: Shalom, everyone! 😁
So what are some of the things I think you should know before you march down that altar to say ‘I DO’?
1. Marriage is a Covenant
“Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the COVENANT MADE AT YOUR MARRIAGE] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the WIFE OF YOUR COVENANT [made by your marriage vows].” Malachi 2:14 AMPC
Did you see that?
Marriage is not just something that is carnal or merely physical… marriage is deeply spiritual and a serious business, with serious implications.
So the first thing you must understand about marriage is that marriage is a covenant!
Having this understanding will give you some ‘sense’ so that you don’t just handle your marriage matter, ranging from the choice of a marriage partner to the marriage itself, with a light hand.
You understand that you’re entering into a covenant with anyone you marry, so you can’t afford to just marry any Tom, Jerry, or Jeff that comes your way! Or any Cinderella, Queenette, or Jessica that comes along your path! You choose wisely, by the Spirit.
Why?
Because you know you’re entering a covenant!
Having this understanding will even help prepare your heart way ahead of your marriage to remain faithful (in thought, word, and action) to your partner. So you start knowing that infidelity is not an option… like your heart gets locked on the matter way before you start your marriage.
Listen. You don’t prepare for battle in the midst of battle! What majorly keeps us in the face of battle are the preparations we made before that battle!
So pondering on these things right now, before you ‘I DO’, will help give you the right posture to have a successful marriage when YOU DO.
Can you talk to yourself now? Say:
“Ogbonnaya (of course you put your name there), marriage is a covenant! You have to be deliberate about it.”
Everyone is looking for where the grass is greener. And subtly, somewhere in our minds, we keep our eyes on other people’s lands. But remember the 10th commandment?
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” Exodus 20:17 [KJV]
It’s easy to look at other relationships and think they have it better. Whether single or married, the temptation to keep looking at other people’s lives, believing that something “better” is out there, can creep in. But the truth actually is:
The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.
For singles, social media can make it seem like everyone else is in a perfect relationship, while you wait. And you may start thinking, “Am I a spoon?” But don’t let comparison push you into desperation. Rushing into the wrong relationship because you feel left out can lead to heartbreak. Instead of searching desperately for the “greener grass” of a change of relationship status, focus on making yourself greener—growing yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally—so that when the right person comes, you’re ready.
For married couples, it’s easy to become dissatisfied when you start noticing flaws in your spouse. The excitement of the early days fades, and you might be tempted to think, “Maybe I married the wrong person.” Or worse still, you look at another marriage and begin to fall in love with another person’s spouse. But remember, we don’t fall in love like that, rather we fall in alignment with the angel of our destiny. (Laughs)
Every great marriage you admire was built—not found. Instead of looking outside, invest in what you already have. Communicate, forgive, appreciate, and keep nurturing your love.
Dear couples, let me even add another thought for you to ponder: the grass always looks greener on the other side until you come close. That person you’re now lusting after, whether subtly or overtly, has flaws too—maybe even greater than those of your spouse. The difference is that you’re close to your spouse but far from the person—so you see all your spouse’s flaws and not one of the other person’s. It’s easy to admire a person from afar, but when you come close, you find that there are flaws.
Listen, don’t destroy your marriage thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. Fight that distraction destroying your marriage. Stop looking at another man or woman. Focus on your spouse. Stop comparing. Focus on your marriage. Make it work.
Finally, dear singles and married, the devil thrives on making us believe that joy is always somewhere else. But true fulfillment comes from gratitude, contentment, and commitment. So, be grateful and content with where you are and what you have. And learn to water the grass in front of you—that’s where the greener grass is.
