There is a state of heart that makes every spouse stick to each other. It is having an understanding that your relationship is a covenant relationship.
A covenant relationship is based on the principle of ’till death do us part’. A relationship that should only be severed by death. Through thick and thin we stick together.
A lot of couples give up on their marriage and on their spouses too soon. Yes, I am not saying it will be easy and Yes, there are some cases, where it becomes practically impossible to stick together.
As couples, when you get married you are saying, “Your God shall be my God, your people shall be my people”
Ruth understands this covenant relationship.
Every covenant relationship will be tested, just as the relationship between Ruth and Naomi was tested.
The benefit of the covenant of marriage is only enjoyed by those who stick to each other till the end.
For the Singles, you need to ask yourselves can this lady or guy stick with me through the tough times? Can I stick with her for life? Am I that committed to him/ her? Can I cover him/her?
Sticking To Your Spouse
Let’s see Ruth’s understanding of the covenant as recorded in the bible.
Ruth 1:16 KJV And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
Ruth 1:16 – 17 MSG But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!”
The Covenant of Marriage is not supposed to be endured but enjoyed.
In other to enjoy the marriage covenant there must be agreement.
Can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3
Sticking To Your Spouse
This agreement must be well spelled out. It is like the Vision and Mission statement of an organization. Everybody knows why the organization exists and how to reach its goals.
Without an agreement, there is no sticking together, and definitely, no covenant relationship will exist.
All couples should work on their “agreement”. There has to be the involvement of both husband and wife in all matters. There must be mutual consent or assent.
Let’s see the definition of agreement:
An agreement is a manifestation of mutual assent by two or more persons to one another. It is a meeting of the minds with a common intention and is made through offer and acceptance. An agreement can be shown from words, conduct, and in some cases, even silence.
The agreement involves discussion, rubbing together of minds. It requires patience and understanding for both parties to be on the same page.
There can only be speed when there is agreement.
“All parties must agree about an offer made by one party and accepted by the other.
Something of value must be exchanged for something else of value”
Let us all work towards agreement in our relationship and marriage.
May we fulfill God’s mandate for our marriage in Jesus’ mighty name
You are a vital part of that marriage. Discover yourself. Who are you? What are your desires, what makes you come alive, what makes you enjoy living? Love yourself. Be a happy you.
As singles, discover yourself and your purpose in life. Find out why you are here before venturing into marriage.
2. Focus on your lover or spouse
As a married person, the most crucial human being on earth is your spouse. Begin to treat him /her as such. Let nothing absolutely come in between that. Let the whole world know, your spouse is so important to you.
Some people treat their wives like ‘one kobo’ and expect her to treat them like ‘ a million dollar’, it ain’t gonna work that way.
Seize every opportunity to let everyone know this one human being is number one on your list.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
3. Focus on God
This is the most important of all. Now, it will be very foolish to want to focus on yourself and your spouse and leave God out. It can not work. God is the center that holds the pieces all together. God is the vital force that crowns all our efforts with success.
4. Focus on your strength
You have strengths. Whether it’s your beauty, your home-making skills, your intellect, your being jovial, whatever it is, focus on it. It’s your selling point in your marriage. Don’t let go of your strong points.it is what will make your spouse keep coming back to you.
5. Focus on minimizing your weaknesses
Don’t ever make the mistake of pretending your weaknesses don’t exist. Please don’t ignore them. Your weaknesses have the potential of destroying the marriage you are building, so destroy your weaknesses before they ever destroy your marriage.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
6. Focus on satisfying yourselves
Why should you spend your energy, time, and money on trying to please or satisfy another man’s wife? That’s called wastage.
Don’t go into an unprofitable venture. Ask yourself, if I satisfy her, how does it add to me or make my own marriage better?
Tend your own garden. When it’s harvest time, you won’t go and harvest on another man’s farm. It is not your own, so focus and build your own marriage.
Pro 12:11 He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.
This three-word sentence is very profound because there is an element of decision and acceptance.
These two elements are very important to the survival of any marriage. The element of the decision will help every couple realize that their choice to marry who they are married to, is a decision that cannot be changed.
I usually tell engaged people, on your wedding day, your guests will enjoy the food and leave afterward but you will have to live with your choice till death do your part. That’s why it is advisable not to fall in love blindly. In marriage, love is not blind at all.
Once you are married to your spouse, your decision is signed and sealed. There is no point in trying to change things. What should be aimed at is working at enjoying your decision.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
The second element is acceptance. When you say, ‘I married You’, you are being specific with no option of comparing your spouse with another. You married your spouse, with their strength, weaknesses, struggles, past, present, and future together.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant journey. Once you are in it, you have to keep at it. Make every effort to make your journey together worthwhile and fun. There is no point in enduring hurts and offenses. Make up your mind to enjoy your marriage all the way. Your enjoying your marriage is not dependent on your situation, it’s dependent on your decision.
Here are five things that will help you in your ‘decision and acceptance’ of the person you married.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
1. Never compare your spouse
Your spouse is unique in his/her own special way. Your spouse can never be like the other person. Your spouse is manufacturer specific. You can not change her, you can only influence them positively.
2. Never secretly prefer another person to your spouse
This is a secret sin. It is dangerous so try it. Whatever happens in mind will happen in time.
3. Never believe the lie that your spouse is nothing to desire or admire
What you appreciate will get better. Shower accolade and appreciation on your wife or husband. Your spouse is your own, why do you leave yours to focus on what is another man’s?
4. Never leave God out of your marriage
Marriage comes with its challenges, it’s only the God factor that makes a great difference. When God is made the center of your marriage, He teaches you how to be merciful to your spouse’s weaknesses and live peaceably with each other in love.
5. Never stop loving your spouse
In marriage, love is both an action word and a noun. The more you love your spouse, the more you see and experience love.
Love is an unending circle, it’s meant to keep going round and round. When you sow love, you reap love and it keeps on.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter. Truth be told, pressure is one of the things that take away joy, gladness, and of course laughter from our marriages.
When we allow the pressures of life, it has a toll on our marriages. Couples become mere house or roommates.
Only important conversation ensues between them and there seems to be no time for extra curricula activities, not to talk of laughter. There is tension and everyone is uptight.
The marriage becomes very boring and reduced to a motion of routines. Remember our minds are vital parts in making our marriages blissful. However, the devil’s aim is to get our minds preoccupied and downcast with different kinds of pressures.
The danger in allowing pressures without finding ways to handle them is that, they lead to other issues.
Un-handled pressures can lead to unnecessary anger, harsh words or reactions, keeping late nights, trying to ease off tension with ungodly friends, risk of emotional attachment with the opposite sex, inconsistent fellowship with God, lukewarmness in things of God e.g., not attending church services, overreacting to kids or house helps, mental and physical tiredness, emotional vulnerability etc, the list goes on and on.
But, in the midst of life’s pressure as a couple, you must learn to hold on to each other for spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial support.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter
This is the best time to be a pillar of support for each other.
Here is when your kindest words of appreciation and encouragement are needed.
At this time, love making becomes needed and not just wanted, as a means of ministering to each other. Music, especially worship becomes also very useful at such times.
This is the best time to be strong for each other. It is time to show your allegiance in very obvious and practical ways.
This is not the time to make unreasonable demands and demand for your right. This is the time to manage with the best of your skills, especially as a wife, and carry the children along to bear with the situation.
This is the time to have regular confessions together as a family.
God’s word is spoken to the atmosphere as a way of calming the storm and releasing angelic activities and assistance.
In being creative with bearing with the situation, you have to know how to spice up your home with laughter.
Laughter becomes both therapeutic and healing. It does not cost money but its value at such times is invaluable.
You try with the help of the Holy Spirit to remain joyful because the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Laugh at yourself, laugh at the situation, because you know it will soon come to pass.
Remember,
Ps 2:4 ‘ He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh, the Lord shall have them in derision.
When you learn to laugh, you bring God’s power into your situation.
You release God’s grace on your behalf.
Your focus shifts from the present situation to the ability of God to change and turn things around.
You begin to trust in God’s Mercy and draw strength from the throne of Grace.
Your fellowship with God is restored as you begin to see Him as your only source of Help and hope.
Then you will begin to truly know Him as your Shepherd, which leads you beside still waters and restores your soul.
May you find such refreshing in your marriage in times of pressure in Jesus’ name.
Living with imperfection in your marriage requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to embrace the reality that both you and your partner are flawed human beings. Here are some strategies to help you navigate imperfections in your marriage and foster a healthy, loving relationship:
1. Accept the Humanity of your spouse
Understand that no one is perfect, including yourself and your spouse. Embrace imperfections as part of being human and learn to accept each other’s flaws without judgment.
2. Be Grateful for little things
You can learn intentionally to focus on the little things your spouse does. Never take them for granted. They will not always do the right things, but for the good things don’t let ‘thank you’ escape your mouth
Turning Marriage Flaws into Fabulous Moments
3. Communicate with Compassion:
Don’t be known for being always harsh with your tongue. Pass your message across loving and in a meek tune. Choose your words carefully, knowing your spouse is your partner and not your maid
4. Share Responsibilities:
Imperfections may sometimes affect certain aspects of your marriage. Be willing to share responsibilities and work as a team to manage challenges together.
5. Set Realistic Expectations:
Part of your realistic expectations is giving allowance for your spouse’s mistake. He/she will not be perfect in timing, thinking, talking etc. Manage your expectations of your spouse well
Turning Marriage Flaws into Fabulous Moments
6. Invest in Emotional Intimacy:
Building emotional intimacy can strengthen your connection and understanding of each other. Share your feelings, dreams, and vulnerabilities with your partner to deepen your bond.
7. Forgive and let go
Holding onto grudges or dwelling on past mistakes can create resentment. Practice forgiveness, not only for your partner but also for yourself, and learn to let go of the past.
Practice these and the Lord will help you and give you more Grace in Jesus mighty name
