The Last Two Stages In Marriage. I started this topic yesterday and I pointed out that there are three stages every marriage will go through.
Knowledge or light is very powerful at whatever stage you are in. You navigate each stage seamlessly and beautifully when there is wisdom and knowledge.
The stages are
1. Opposite attract
2. Opposite frustrate
3. Opposite exchange.
I will continue where I stopped yesterday. The Last Two Stages In Marriage
2. Opposite frustrate:
It is the most critical stage in marriage. Most marriages get stuck here. Most married couples divorce at this stage. Those who don’t divorce, live like strangers or enemies. Not living up to the full potential of their marriage. Definitely, not fulfilling God’s mandate for their marriage.
At this stage, the cracks that were covered are being exposed. Wives that have been treated badly, husbands that have been enduring, at this stage “things fall apart and the center cannot hold”.
If you are presently at this stage, all hope is not lost. If you will get the relevant knowledge and apply the knowledge wisely, walking in wisdom, you will experience restoration.
This is the stage where the opposite causes friction. There is frustration because each of their needs are not been met. They are both unfulfilled. Each feels the other doesn’t love him/her. They don’t sense any good or any commensurate benefit from the marriage. At this stage, the unpleasant, cruel side of each other is experienced. It is at this stage the devil toils with their minds and the thoughts of divorce or separation are entertained.
When this stage is managed well by the wisdom of God, the couple pass to the last stage.
3. Opposite Exchange
This is the stage where the couple begins to enjoy themselves. They enjoy their obedience to God’s word where husbands love their wives as Christ did and the wives have respected their husbands.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; Ecclesiastes 4:9 AMPC
They begin to enjoy the oneness and unity God promised in His word. They enjoy the power of agreement at the highest level. Their reward or result is multiplied, and they experience ten times multiplied result.
This is the stage where the couples begin to rub on each other. Where they begin to exchange and partake of each other’s strength. The Choleric becomes more gentle and relaxed while the phlegmatic becomes more goal-oriented. The Sanguine becomes more serious and the Melancholy becomes more joyful and playful.
Here the beauty of marriage is seen. The wisdom of God is fully experienced that there is no better personality. Every personality is unique, needed, and useful to complete the pack.
Marriage is like a duet. Each person is important. Each person has a vital part to supply. Each is uniquely needed. No one of the two is superior. The two are needed for the complete success of the marriage.
If the marriage is working, then the couples are working at it. If the marriage is not working the two are contributing to its failure.
Make up your mind to make a success of your marriage. Those are The Last Two Stages In Marriage
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I give myself to the study of God’s word to know what to do. I have wisdom
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to give myself to learning and light by Gods word.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; Eccl 4:9 AMPC
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will gain the necessary knowledge for my marriage to work
The Three Stages of Marriage. Knowledge is power. The success of your marriage is in your hands. Where you invest is where you harvest.
The kingdom principle is based on seed, time, and harvest. Doctors invest 7years of attending medical lectures and reading medical books. They become changed into medical doctors.
To be good and godly husbands and wives we have to spend hours learning and reading books on marriage. Doctors won’t graduate until they adequately learned all they are supposed to learn. That’s why you can’t graduate to be a doctor until seven years, not six or five.
For some of us, our knowledge about marriage is incomplete. That’s why we have a near blissful marriage.
For this morning, I will like to let us know that there are 3 stages every marriage will go through. Every one of us will pass through these stages. So the earlier we prepare for them the better.
The Three Stages of Marriage 1. Opposite will attract In God’s wisdom, He always brings two opposite together for the purpose of complementing one another. This is to break the power of superiority. Where you need me and I need you. No matter how gifted a person, you can never become all that God destined you for. God said it is not good for man to be all one.
So by principle, God makes opposite and they will always attract. You will attract someone who has something you don’t have. A choleric will always attract a quiet, reserved, laid-back Phlegmatic.
Let no one despise your personality. No one is the best personality, because together they form the perfect image of God.
A man alone cannot nurture babies nor can a woman alone make babies, it takes a combination of the two.
So the first stage of your marriage is where you attract one another. Some people call it the honeymoon stage. Here you don’t see anything wrong with your spouse.
The Three Stages of Marriage 2. Opposite will frustrate This is the second stage in every marriage. The time of the second stage varies from couple to couple. Some couples have enough knowledge to keep them in the first stage for a long time.
Now, how you handle this second stage is based on how much you have given yourself to investing in your marriage through reading, studying, and learning.
I emphasize again that men and women are so different. We can say that the success of the second stage is based on knowledge, a test of how well you have studied your covenant.
What attracts you will begin to frustrate you. You get irritated at each other. Life changes occur and you begin to repel each other. Your wife needs to be loved more in every aspect. Not loved from men’s perspective but love as she sees love. The very thing that men find difficult to do or comprehend.
The husband on the other hand requires respect. We will continue tomorrow by God’s grace. Your marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY As a husband, I dwell with my wife based on knowledge that she is different from me. As a wife,I respect my husband
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to realize that men and women are different. Grant me wisdom in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:33.….husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will give myself to learning more about my marriage
Men Need Respect and Women Need Romance. Men and women are created differently, they function differently and they see things differently. There are three major ways they are different.
Men and women are different in their personalities, their backgrounds, and their gender.
If we understand these differences, we will be able to relate to ourselves better. Meeting each other’s needs and prioritizing pleasing our spouse should be a big deal.
The number one cause of divorce is irreconcilable differences. The opposite will usually attract initially, if not managed well, these qualities that attract us to one another repel us and become a major source of conflict.
Men and women are made from different materials, so even in creation, they are different. Men were made out of dust but women were from one of the most sophisticated materials, the rib bone.
Respect for men is not just a cultural need but a scriptural need.
Ephesians 5:33, instructs women to respect their own husband. Men do things for honor, they are warriors and fighters by nature. So wives you have to be your husband’s number one cheerleader. Let nobody respect your husband more than you.
Affairs naturally develop in a boss-subordinate relationship, like a boss and secretary relationship because there is a natural flow of respect. Men Need Respect, Women Need Romance
Wives, don’t respect your boss, MD, pastor, or any other man more than your husband. You see his weaknesses, so the temptation to not respect him is there because women like to give respect when men do good things. Don’t yield to that temptation.
Understand your husband needs his space and some quiet when he is stressed. That is respect to him. Find new ways of respecting him by asking him, how you can appreciate him more.
Men, it is a crime to marry a woman and don’t give her what she needs most. Women need and love romance. Men don’t understand romance because naturally, they are rugged.
Romance is spelled tenderness. It is doing the normal things with a special touch and effect. Being thoughtful in the little things you do. Giving the little things the extra touch. For example don’t just buy your wife a gift, find out her preference. Take time to find out how she likes the gift. Women enjoy the process, so wrap the gift with a beautiful wrapper and present it in a romantic way. Romance doesn’t have to cost you an arm nor do you have to break the bank. It is romantic to just stay with her while cooking and just be with her.
You can just listen to her, give her a reassuring hug and tell her you understand her.
A woman talks for companionship because she is emotional. She tells you things not for you to correct, judge, apportion, blame, or criticize, she tells you, to empathize with her. This is being romantic.
Invest time, energy, effort, and money to meet your wife’s need for romance and you will harvest a happy, loving wife.
Men Need Respect, and Women Need Romance. Your marriage will thrive!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I dwell with my wife based on knowledge of that she is different from me. I respect my husband
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to realize that men and women are different. Grant me wisdom in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:33.….husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Husbands be romantic to your wives. Wives respect your husband’s.
Men Need Acceptance While Women Need Attention. Nobody enters marriage with the intention of divorcing, but along the line, there is a disconnection and couples have crises.
Men and women are different species if I can use that term. That’s why it becomes absolutely necessary for them to study and learn about each other’s world.
God has put so much investment into marriage. The first institution that God created was marriage. He made Adam a husband and a father. Marriage was the first institution before any other institution
We have successful lawyers, businessmen, and doctors, who have spent years before becoming what they are while not succeeding in their marriage because they failed to learn about marriage.
Men’s number one need is Acceptance. Women, never confront your husband. Men are warriors and fighters by nature. If you confront him, he will resist you, instinctively because the warrior in him will rise up.
When you accept him, he knows you are for him. You are an ally, not an enemy.
Women, when you want to get your husband to change don’t confront him. The direct correction will not work. He is not your child which you correct. You are to love your husband and you are to correct your children.
The rule is to accept your man, don’t confront him.
For example, if your husband dresses roughly, don’t tell him he dresses roughly and he needs to change. Tell him he is a very handsome guy and that he will even look better when he wears complimentary colours and dress sharp. He gets the message or better still, find a time he is more relaxed and tell him he looks finer with colours that match.
Women like to fix things, please don’t try to fix your man. Accept and celebrate him. Men Need Acceptance While Women Need Attention
On the other hand, women need attention. Your wife needs attention. Everything she does, the hair she makes, the cloth she wears, everything is to get your attention. Notice her, verbalize the fact that you notice her. Don’t ignore your wife. Be the first to notice what she’s wearing and comment. Notice when she makes a new hairstyle and make comments.
Tell her she is beautiful and gorgeous. Be tender towards her like you will do to a baby. Shower her with attention, don’t neglect her for another lady. It’s a No, No. Don’t show another female more attention than you show your wife, under any circumstances.
Couples, learn this about each other and make necessary adjustments.
Your marriage will thrive. Men Need Acceptance While Women Need Attention
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I accept my husband. I give my undivided attention to my wife
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father help me to realize that men and women are different. Grant me wisdom in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5: 33.….husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be mindful of accepting your husband and giving attention to your wife
Understanding Timing In Marriage. I once listened to a message by Bishop T.D Jakes titled, “Timing Is Everything.”
Sometimes what makes one thing bad and the same thing good is just about timing. What makes words spoken to a loved one good, bad or hurting beyond how it is spoken, is timing.
As husbands and wives, we have to study and understand proper timing. A good and skillful wife understands and uses the concept of timing to her advantage.
Women have great power and influence because they were created by God to be needed by men. God made man in Genesis 2, after He had made animals, plants, sun, and moon, He said it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper meet for him.
Men are not good (according to God’s standards without their wives).
Women are not just gifted more than men and extremely sophisticated, they are very much needed by men. Their make determines their functionality. Every woman is made and created to nurture and carry babies. God trusted women with the next generation.
Women are so much valuable in men’s life.
They have to understand this and carry themselves with this mentality. Wives, you have to defend your value.
You have the responsibility of ensuring you are not devalued for any reason. The value you place on yourself will determine the value placed on you. Have you ever seen a buyer paying more than the value placed on the commodity? Never, the buyer pays the value placed on the commodity.
The wife’s power of influence works better when the right timing is put into consideration.
The concept of right timing when put to use by the couple makes to things work better in the marriage.
Eccl 3:1 There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death, A right time to plant and another to reap, A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct, A right time to cry and another to laugh,
Understanding Timing In Marriage is crucial for knowing the right time to doing things as couples.
It becomes the wrong timing for the wife to make her grievances known to her husband when he is already feeling down. Men are territorial beings and will like to be in charge and in control. So telling your husband, you are not happy about something automatically puts his defence up.
Husbands, it becomes wrong timing for you not to consider the fact that your wife is an emotional being and sermonize her over a mistake she is already sorry about.
As couples let us be mindful of the things we do or don’t do considering whether it’s the right timing or not.
Our marriage will thrive!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have understanding of the right time and seasons in my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me wisdom to consider the right timing before acting in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eccl 3:1 There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Consider the timing before acting. You don’t act out your feelings everytime
