Being married is a call to selflessness. God is love and love is an action word. Love is practical. You cannot say you love your spouse while you are being selfish. Just as you love yourself, you must love your spouse too.
Couples should avoid these types of selfishness
Don’t Be Selfish To Yourself
1. Selfishness in taking care of yourself
Self-care and self-love are recommended for healthy living, good mental health, and good self-esteem. However, in marriage, we are to look out for each other. A selfish spouse is known in few ways. How do you treat your spouse when he or she is ill? Some expect their spouse to be all over them, taking care of them. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, that’s how it should be. However, everything is wrong, when you don’t reciprocate the same to your spouse.
You treat them with levity. Husband, how do you treat your wife when she is pregnant? Do you tell her to get up and do the house chores and cook because you don’t know how to cook?
Do you buy stuff for yourself and forget your spouse or buy a cheaper version for your spouse?
There’s a funny video on Instagram where the wife serves her husband food but hides more chicken in her own food. Are you like that? Learn to treat your spouse well, if not better than yourself.
Always find ways and opportunities to celebrate your spouse. Celebrate your spouse’s physical beauty, mental capacity, cooking skills, organizational skills etc
Appreciate them for them to be able to do better. Whatever you appreciate will not depreciate. Whatever you disregard, depreciates.
Always look for ways in casual conversations with friends and colleagues to celebrate your spouse. Never miss an opportunity to do this. It could be very painful when you don’t celebrate your spouse but celebrate others. Do this and your spouse will learn from you to do the same.
My husband had to correct me on this. It is not hero worship, it is being minded of your spouse, being smart, and being their number one cheerleader. If you appreciate your spouse, you are appreciating yourself. Papa E.A Adeboye does that a lot. My husband too does this.
Some spouse are always blowing their own trumpet. Without attributing some accolade to their spouse, as if they don’t have any good qualities worthy of appreciation. Be very generous with appreciating your spouse. If you find it difficult to appreciate your spouse then you are not a grateful person. A grateful soul will always find things to appreciate about their spouse. This will also reflect on how grateful you are to God.
The deliverer’s greatest struggle is the deliverance within! Perhaps, that would be the greatest lesson from the life Mobhad, the young singer who just died. He was in the music industry, bringing fun, music, and excitement to others, while he was dying inside from harassment, bullying, and attacks from those he trusted. May God comfort his family.
Perhaps he tried to talk, but I doubted whether he actually spoke to those who could really help! It was a case of bringing fun to others while dying and eventually dying in the process.
A lot of Pastors are on this table. Preaching, teaching vibrating and yet dying slowly within, often with nobody to talk to! You see your greatest mistake would be not to seek help! A lot of young couples are sitting nicely on this table, watching their homes torn apart slowly and yet refusing to do the right thing!
Yes, it is possible. A person can be so proud that the pride rides him into the grave. The devil’s method is to keep you muted till you are lifeless. That will not be your portion!
Job was once frustrated He was bringing hope to many, being the greatest man in the East, and yet when he was at his lowest ebb, his friend disappointed him so much so that he said,
Job 16:2b (KJV) miserable comforters are ye all.
Have you ever been surrounded by the wrong comforters who bring more misery? Not all your friends can help you!
When The Deliverer Needs Deliverance
I was on this table sometimes back. I was dealing with a serious issue while bringing hope to many daily!
Well, I reached out to those above me, and thank God help came!
Would there even be a time, when you would not be dealing with something in your marriage? I doubt, as long as you are in days of your flesh! Jesus promised us victory, provided you reach out and seek help.
Most times it would cost you time, finances, and your ego!
When a person is not ready to sacrifice any of that, a crash is imminent!
You won’t know it all. Those you are admiring and comparing yourself with know where they seek help from, they are smarter.
A couple can keep quiet in their pride and watch their marriage and home degenerate! Going through the motions, helping others while you ate crying within. That is not God’s plan for you. Jesus already died for you, you don’t need to die for anybody!
Jesus Christ, with having direct access to God, still begged his friends and disciples to pray with him. Sadly they failed him.
When The Deliverer Needs Deliverance
In the moment when I needed help, a dear older woman of God got us some materials that totally arrested the situation! My wife and I diligently went through these materials over and over again, and then help came!
I have gone through the pain of putting this resource together online for your marriage, alongside the journal/workbook. You are your spouse will spend seven weeks to turn things around in your marriage, whatever the issue is.
Additionally, Pastor Sophia and I will have seven sessions with you and your spouse diligently crossing all the ’T’s and dotting all the ‘I’s in your marital endeavor, prayerfully trusting God to bring help to your situation, and even after the course, we will still be available to mentor you.
It is not free, No, it is not. If you wish to invest this in your marriage, then check it out HERE while the discount is still running. Husband or wife, run to your spouse and convince them to get on this programme asap because both of you have to do this together!
Cheers to a better, newer, fresher, and blessed marriage as you make the little investment! This investment will be “coins” compared to the lawyer’s fees and all the anguish and agony that comes to the whole family as a result of a separation or divorce.
Let’s look at a few more things you shouldn’t do to your spouse!
1. Don’t be selfish in Prayers
A couple can be selfish in the place of prayer when all prayer points are about them. They forget to pray for their spouse!
In this case, it is what is in the heart that is being played out. Your greatest prayers should be directed to your spouse in love. Pray for one another’s career business, desires, aspirations, and dreams. Be wise!
Invariably, you are praying for yourself when you pray for your spouse! God answers such prayers.
Don’t Do These To Your Spouse
Seven-Week-Marriage Rejuvenation
I am interested in the “The 7-Week Ultimate Marriage Course: Reconnect and Renew” with Pastors Dunamis & Sophia. I understand this will bring my spouse and I closer, restore and renew our love, and heal us where it’s hurting. Scan Code or Continue HERE
2. Don’t be selfish in family relationships
When there is selfishness in family relationships, either spouse would only get in touch, call, text, or chat, with parents and siblings.
Relationship with spouses’ family is zero! Hey, this is selfishness raised to power hundred!
You need to understand what the Bible says about marriage. You leave your parents and cleave to your spouse!
This does not mean you will not get in touch with them, but it does mean that your relationship must not be lopsided in favor of your own parents and siblings!
Prioritize your spouse and everything that concerns him and you will have less trouble.
Don’t Do These To Your Spouse
3. Don’t be selfish in cheerfulness
Here, you are cheerful with everybody, you make the whole world laugh, and you are the office comedian but at home, you are as cold as frozen fish! Not fair!
Your spouse cracks a joke and you look at them with disdain and disgust as if they just uttered some stupidity.
Another person cracks a less funny joke and you are reeling with laughter, with tears coming out of the corner of your eyes. It is called selfishness. If you are like that, you need a change of heart and some prayers too.
If your spouse cracks a joke, whether it is funny or not, just laugh! If you call their joke dry or senseless, then you are the spouse of a dry and senseless joker! Whatever you are doing to them is what you are doing to yourself. You are joined together.
If they crack a joke, just laugh, even if the joke is boring. Laugh. Be the number one fan of one another. This is how to keep the marriage going. There are many examples, but I would like to stop here.
In marriage and even in courtship, there are pressures. Pressures of raising a family, taking care of your spouse, taking care of the children, paying bills, and many more. All these are coupled with pressures from work and career. Singles in courtship are not left out.
If one is not careful, marriage will be one strenuous, stressful, and tiring adventure.
It is deliberately then that you have to decide to live life to the fullest. You just have to make up your mind that in the midst of all the pressures, there will be pleasures.
It is a decision to remain joyful irrespective of whatever situation you might be going through.
As singles, decide to maximize that time rather than turn it into a pressured time as a result of unnecessary quarrels.
Seven-Week-Marriage Rejuvenation
I am interested in the “The 7-Week Ultimate Marriage Course: Reconnect and Renew” with Pastors Dunamis & Sophia. I understand this will bring my spouse and I closer, restore and renew our love, and heal us where it’s hurting. Scan Code or Continue HERE
You simply make up your mind to defuse pressures with laughter, for laughter doeth well like medicine
Pro 17:22 (MSG) A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.
Having a depressing disposition, unhappy tendencies, habitual despondency, and uncontrollably bad moods are enough to leave the bones tired.
Since you have to cook anyway, why not decide to cook while enjoying yourself
Since you are going to wash the car, decide to wash it while having a nice time.
Since the kids would always be around and going nowhere, enjoy yourselves and let them enjoy themselves too.
Doing things grumbling, complaining, and being unhappy in marriage is self-punishment.
Decide to enjoy yourselves as a couple.
As singles, pray together and do not be intertwined with the bind of iniquity. Iniquity comes with its own pressures! Stay out of the bedroom!
Couples, Satisfy each other right into the bedroom!
A few ways you can have fun together include: 1. Have regular date nights where you can spend quality time together like a dinner or a movie night out
2. Cook together in a collaborative way
3. Board games and puzzles. It will afford some time for laughter and togetherness.
I pray for your marriage, God will help you indeed in Jesus’ name. At every point of pressure, God will bring succor, His healing balm, and restore you in Jesus’ name.
I started this topic a while ago and I will be concluding it today.
Let me quickly summarize the 6 points.
Communication issues
Financial strain
Emotional Compatibility
Intimacy and Sexuality
Conflict Resolution
Balancing individuality
7. In-law issues
Another challenge faced by married couples in their marriage is managing in-law issues. Some in-laws can be really troublesome, others over sensitive while others could just be selfish. Whichever category your in-laws fall into, they should be treated with a lot of wisdom and tact. Always remember to treat in-laws with understanding knowing you will be an in-law someday. The bottom line is, to protect your spouse, defend them, and don’t expose them.
I am interested in the “The 7-Week Ultimate Marriage Course: Reconnect and Renew” with Pastors Dunamis & Sophia. I understand this will bring my spouse and I closer, restore and renew our love, and heal us where it’s hurting. Scan Code or Continue HERE
8. Parenting
Not knowing how to raise children is definitely a challenge. Differing parenting styles and decisions. Both couples are to discuss and agree on the parenting model they should adopt in their family.
9. Life-Work Balance
Creating a balance between work, family and personal time between couples can be a threat to the marriage. Couples who work for several hours or live apart should discuss how best to adapt. There should be a good balance between all three or it will take a toll on the marriage and the children
10. Other Stressor
Every other factor that disturbs the peace and unity of the marriage comes under this category. Things like health, societal pressure, job changes, peer pressure, and ignorance are a few of the external stressors that can impact the marriage negatively.
In conclusion, a successful marriage requires open communication, compromise, and a commitment to working through these challenges together. Challenges are meant to be overcome.
Not forgetting to seek help through books, seminars, therapy, and mentors for difficult issues.
