Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2. We started yesterday with this beautiful topic and I will continue from where we stopped.
Yesterday, my husband wrote on
a. The praying couple
b. The calling couple.
c. The exchanging couple
d. The sharing couple
e. The encouraging couple.
I will write on five more this morning
We need to understand that we (husbands and wives) are building a name and a legacy. What you build and how you build matters.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2
6. The Building Couples
Since our words, thoughts, and actions are like building materials, what we should ask ourselves is what type of materials am I using to build and what am I building? Apart from building a “good family”. We should also build up ourselves. Is your wife a better person, a better businesswoman? Is your husband a better man, a better leader? Better than when you first met them?
7. The Defending Couples
Couples should defend each other no matter what. Why? Because they are one. Defend yourselves spirit, soul, and body. Defend financially, socially, emotionally. Know that when you defend your spouse, you defend yourself. When you throw your spouse away as rubbish, you find yourself naked when you need a covering.
8. The Growing Couples
There is a beauty that comes when couples grow together till old age. They have held on to each other and grew over the years. They have grown mentally, and emotionally and have matured together. They have grown on wealth, experience, and wisdom. Give allowance for each other to grow.
Ten Marriage Profiles Built To Last Part 2
9. The investing Couples
Little drops of water become a mighty ocean. Little investment of time, love, affection, understanding, right words are investments that yield great dividends later on. Let’s invest in our marriage, our children, and in ourselves.
10. The Laughing Couples
Laughter is so important in building that last. It is what makes us enjoy while we build. It gives us memories that bring about joy. Don’t let us be uptight. Let’s take time to laugh and have fun.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage. As children of God, God speaks to us like a father will speak to his children. When we listen to His voice, we will not get into problems. When we disregard His voice, we start listening to another voice. The moment we don’t flee or run away from that voice, we get into a serious mess.
God is good God. God speaks to us. The devil is a bad devil. He also attempts to speak to us. That is why the scripture declares:
And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers (John 10:4-5 KJV)
When we make up our minds to listen to God and fill our hearts with His word daily and consistently, we will not listen or take heed to the voice of the evil one. That is why the way Jesus refuted and refused to listen to the voice of the devil during the temptation was to speak out God’s word. Three times he was tempted, three times he said, ‘It is written…’ What if he doesn’t know what is written?
This morning, by the Spirit of God, I want to identify ten areas where we might have been listening to the wrong voice. It comes in subtle ways mostly.
The devil often uses people and situations to speak to us. We must be careful. Here are the people and voices the devil often uses.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
1. The user’s voice
I can marry her, but I don’t have to be committed to her
2. The deceiver’s voice
I don’t have to let my spouse know everything, or else the marriage can be jeopardized.
3. The religious voice
Everybody has a lover somewhere, God must accommodate that or we will all go to hell.
4. The foolish voice
As long as I have a prophet somewhere that I consult and pray for me, I can continue with my lifestyle.
5. The sensual voice
I am not sure of my spouse’s commitment. I can as well explore and also live my life.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
6. The greedy voice
I can collect money from him to help my spouse. After all, it’s for the family. It’s for us and that can be a secret. If I don’t do it, we will be hungry.
7. The unbelievers’ voice
My family does not need Jesus. I have enough money. It is poor and hungry people that go around praying.
8. The self-righteous voice
I don’t want my family to be fanatical. We don’t have to go to church. The church is full of hypocrites.
9. The carnal voice
I serve God passionately and I give. But God knows that addictions cannot really go like that. I will keep on working on it and one day God might even give me a sign to stop.
10. The confused voice
The only way to keep this man married to me is to allow him to have his way with other ladies out there. As long as he doesn’t bring them home, he can do whatever he wants. Life is give and take, I can’t be policing him around, since he doesn’t disturb me from doing what I am doing.
Well, all the above statements are defective. If you or the person you are engaged with makes these types of statements, you might want to really seek help because they are defective statements indicative and symptomatic of deeper spiritual problems. They are belief systems that are sure to crack and leave you cracked. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
If you are married, and one or more of the above seems to be the scenario, you will need to pray a lot for God’s help and intervention and then seek counseling as well.
In life, God has laid out His principles and when we deviate from them, things will not work out however we try because the scripture cannot be broken! In any way where you seem lacking, God will forgive, forget, redeem, and restore as necessary when you genuinely repent.
This may not really sound as important to menfolk, but I can tell you as a marriage counselor that it is a big deal for ladies.
One woman bitterly complained that the only problem she had with her husband was that he never says “I love you!”
The man went to a recording studio and recorded a seventy-minute audio of his voice repeatedly saying “I love you!”
He took this CD and presented it to his wife.
“Hey dear, my pepperento potatoe, anytime you want to hear me say that, just play this CD!
The wife took it from him, broke it into two, and threw it out of the window.
The man was furious.
The wife said calmly, “I didn’t marry the CD, I married you and I want to hear it from you.”
And that is the way it is.
Dear husbands, your wife needs to hear that every time.
Don’t allow the compliments she gets outside to outweigh your own expressions for her at home.
After childbirth and as they approach midlife, women go through a mix of emotions and they struggle with their appearance, their tummy, and body shape.
That is why mirrors are never far from them.
They need a lot of affirmations from their husbands at this time.
Your affirmations will go a long way in stabilizing their emotions and ultimately make them feel loved.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
2. Attend Church Together
Very importantly, the husband as the head should ensure he raises a godly family.
Part of doing that is not forsaking the assembly of God’s people.
It is important you keep hearing the same thing.
I do not always subscribe that couples attend church services differently.
Attend the same church and build up yourselves spiritually.
Grow together.
Study together.
Pray together.
It goes a long way to strengthen the marriage.
As the husband, it is your responsibility to give spiritual leadership and direction.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
3. Resist the Urge To Lift Your Hands Against Her
Finally, as a husband, you should do all in your care to never lift your hands against your wife, for any reason, whatsoever.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
“Oh Pastor, you don’t know my wife. She is stubborn, rude, annoying, and disrespectful. Before I say “A,” she is by the “Z.”
Well, physically abusing her will not be the way out.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Make a covenant that you will never hit her!
As you make up your mind to do this, to honour her, protect her, and take care of her, God will also honour His Word in your life.
I pray that God will honour you indeed, send help to you in your marriage and fulfill all His desires for your life!
This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
Let him be tall and handsome. Deep voice. Six-packs. Muscular. Gentle giant.
I want her to be beautiful. Hot legs. Head turner. Bust and behind. The hips and the lips. Slayer.
You write down a list. Great.
As a teenager, do you remember, when you think love, that’s all you wanted?
Fast forward many years after, priorities have changed.
Handsome and Beautiful, That Is All?
Married folk will tell you that some things will not be for life.
Some are great and work at it and they look great for a long time.
But genetics and nature are not really nice to everybody.
So, married people will tell you that the “tall” may be there for life, but the “tall” is no longer straight.
Somewhere along the journey, pot belly showed up. Stubborn and recalcitrant, it refused to go.
Shebi you saw the dad before? Why surprised?
Son will resemble father now?
The deep voice remained, unchanging, but then it came with deep snores. It’s a total package. Melody unto the Lord.
The six packs. Eventually and eventfully collapses into an amusement park. A bald head showed up. Cream would not work.
The gentle giant. The giant remained. Gentle left. Only God knows where.
Oh, the lady?
Ever beautiful. The legs is still somehow hot, but they got bigger. She loves “swallow,” hot swallow, and so the hot swallow swallowed the hot in the legs and left the big legs.
She doesn’t like wearing short skirts again.
Head no longer turn.
Handsome and Beautiful, That Is All?
Bust outline is no longer clear, tummy got bigger, thanks to five bubbling children!
The hips got bigger, and the lips which you think are solely for kissing, now have the capacity to shade somebody! She is no longer a slayer, nobody is ready to die.
I have said all of these to tell you that you should not be rigid with your “list” when it comes to marriage.
Some things will not be forever.
So many factors like genetics, personal discipline, eating habits and so many others determine what a person will look like.
After you hit forty, the body slows down in breaking down food. More fat settle.
God knows the best for you.
Never ever marry someone you loathe or hate, but never ever reject someone God is leading you to because of your strict idiosyncrasies.
God has a marital map for you.
Follow it.
Trash your unrealistic list and find out the heart of God.
Psa 81:13 (MSG) “Oh, dear people, will you listen to me now? Israel, will you follow my map?
You want to marry a rich person. Will the person be rich for life? Will you divorce if he gets broke?
There are rich people on their way to being broke! And yes, there are broke people on their way to being rich!
God’s GPS is superior to the one your brain invented.
Cooperate with His leading.
Short people can be nice. And they can be nasty.
Tall people can be brutal. And they can be gentle.
