This piece of advice will work for all relationships at whatever level. This is not to condone character flaws but it is an effective way of managing our differences.
For Singles, after we are sure this is the person God wants us to marry, a period of courtship begins. We are in love, yes, but we begin to see a lot of things we don’t like in our fiance.
If we focus on these differences we will spend most of our time quarreling and trying to sort out these differences.
We will think by much talk, which I call sermonizing, change will be effected. Nagging or sermonizing is us trying to sort out our differences by insisting on our terms.
I am not suggesting that we should keep quiet on major differences but I show us a better way.
When you see things your partner does that hurt you, rather than nag, you take it to God in prayer.
That sounds strange, but it is the way to go. By doing this, you are solving some other major issues in the future.
For us couples, not complaining is even a much better option. Knowing and accepting your spouse as a gift to you from God is fundamental.
God has brought you and your spouse together to fulfill a purpose. God expects you to take matters to Him in prayers. You are meant to pray all the time for your spouse. God knows that he/she is not perfect. God does give us raw materials to work on and the extend we work at them, the better we will enjoy them.
He/ she should be your project.
Your spouse’s weaknesses should be your prayer point. Your wife talks harshly, don’t tell her she will go to hell if she continues like that. Your husband drinks, win him over, not by your many talks, complaining, or sermonizing but by your prayers. Let’s learn to take them to the foot of the cross.
Does that mean I should close my eyes to misconduct? I didn’t say that. I only said to change our tactics and pray rather than complain.
With us developing this habit, God will have a better place in our lives. We will become better by getting closer to God and then the power of God will transform our spouse.
The choice is ours. Go the way of complaining and have the devil get an inroad into your marriage and relationship thereby causing more havoc or do it God’s way.
Remember, when you notice a weakness in your spouse, don’t complain turn it to prayer points before God and the result will amaze you. This is what God told me.
Do you know God hates complaining?
Check this out.
I Corinthians 10:8 – 10 NKJV [8] Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell; [9] nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents; [10] nor complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer.
In relationships, there will be instances where your significant other inadvertently inflicts hurt upon you. It’s not a deliberate act, but rather a consequence of human nature – we are, after all, only human.
As spiritual beings residing on this side, the sting of these hurts often cuts deep due to the profound trust, love, and emotional bonds involved.
The root of these hurts may often be traced back to temperamental differences, as individuals naturally attract those with opposing temperaments. Picture the calm and easy-going drawn to the vivacious Sanguine, or the goal-oriented Choleric captivated by the carefree Sanguine or the relaxed Phlegmatic.
While these differences are complementary, they can also become sources of conflict, generating deep hurts, offenses, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit.
Unchecked hurts evolve into lasting offenses, fostering bitterness and an unforgiving spirit. It’s essential to recognize that harboring unforgiveness obstructs the flow of blessings into one’s life.
The Christian journey expressly forbids harboring an unforgiving attitude. Jesus, our ultimate example, demonstrated the divine nature of forgiveness even amid brutal treatment during his crucifixion.
Jesus forgave, and through His forgiveness, resurrection power was unleashed, bringing Him back from the dead. Now, the glorified Jesus sits in majesty at the right hand of God.
In line with Christian teachings, holding onto offense or unforgiveness contradicts the principles of faith. As emphasized in Mark 11:25 (KJV), forgiveness is an integral part of a successful life.
Mar 11:25 (KJV) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Offense, hurts, and bitterness serve as impediments to blessings; therefore, it is paramount to sidestep them in your relationships.
Release the grip of unforgiveness; forgive your ex-partner and release them from the depths of your heart. The subsequent choices your ex makes, including their marital decisions, are inconsequential. Letting go is the key, to allowing God to orchestrate His plan in your life.
May God grant you heightened understanding as you navigate the complex terrain of relationships.
Embarking on the journey of destiny often reveals itself in unexpected ways. This narrative unfolded during my time at Olabisi Onabanjo University, formerly known as Ogun State University. The story revolves around a new student, a “fresher” or “jambite” in our campus lingo, who found accommodation in the same hall I resided in.
Divine Incidence on Campus
In the grand script of life, orchestrated by the Almighty, there is no room for coincidence; only divine incidence. We, as mere actors and actresses, play our roles in a drama directed and produced by God Himself. Staying within the script ensures a blockbuster unfolding of our destinies. Allow God to direct the script(. Don’t attempt to manufacture your own script! The movie will not “blow” like that!
The First Encounter
My roommate and I, as self-appointed ambassadors of welcome, set out to greet these new arrivals. Little did we know that divine orchestration was at play. Upon laying eyes on her, a sense of certainty enveloped me – a whisper from the Holy Spirit, perhaps – that she would be my wife. Her physical beauty, though not the sole criterion, played a significant role in this divine revelation.
Timing is Everything
Despite this revelation, I exercised patience and restraint, allowing a year to pass without expression. Two reasons governed this apparent inaction: my inherent shyness and an intuitive understanding that the timing wasn’t ripe. Understanding the patterns through which God communicates became pivotal in deciphering the journey ahead. Going ahead of God can ruin beautiful things even when it is God’s plan.
You see, when God speaks, His voice can be so resolute and strong that you often jump out without finding out details.
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. (Song of Songs 2:8 KJV)
The Holy Spirit’s Guidance
As children of God, embracing the Holy Spirit’s guidance becomes paramount. Recognizing the patterns through which God communicates, be it in relationships or other life aspects, is crucial. Filling our hearts with faith for His leading involves immersing ourselves in scriptures about divine guidance.
The Burden of Preparation
The voice of God is resolute, often requiring preparation before performance. Recognizing the two dimensions of this burden – preparation and performance – is vital. Rushing into action without understanding the nuances can lead to missteps, as seen in the misadventure of proposing prematurely. That revelation from God, is it for preparation or [performance? A major question to answer!
The Importance of Timing
Understanding God’s timing is fundamental to avoiding missteps. In my journey, God revealed the path of teaching relationships in 1997, but it took a decade before I stepped into that calling. Attempting to initiate the journey prematurely led to failure, emphasizing the significance of divine timing.
Seeking Guidance in Decision-Making
As married couples, there are even more decisions to make. Keep asking Him before you take that decision, before you make that business decision and He will always speak to you. Don’t be hasty! Be led by God. That is how not to make a bad business decision. There is nothing wrong in asking God again and again.
God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God. (Psalms 62:11 KJV)
Conclusion and Prayer
This morning, I speak the light of God that comes from His word into your life, I declare that confusion is not your portion. I pray for married couples, God will direct you in that decision you need to make in Jesus name!
Pastor Sophia and I did this yesterday via YouTube. Did you miss it?
Find it below and enjoy the lessons, the laughter, and the conversation!
Every single in courtship should intently discuss this – Why do you want to marry me? A sincere in-depth discussion will bring to the fore a lot of revelation and let you be able to to discover a lot about the decision you are about to make.
Interestingly, many couples get “shocked” after the wedding because they discover many things after that!
This is what happens when the relationship gets sexual as singles and obscures the most important things that should be discussed.
Singles in courtship are distracted with outings, sex, fun, and other things that are not important.
Newlyweds and those who have been married for a while should also sit down from time to time to do this – What did you marry me?
It’s a good experience because it is a re-enactment of the core reasons you are together. And in case, distractions are coming in, which is usually the case, the needed rejuvenation can happen as powerful words are uttered to one another.
After all, the wedding day was all about words!
Thank God for the guests, the Aso-Ebi, the food, the reception, the parties, the gold hand rings, the several vendors contracted…but what joined the couple together were the words! Either in court or church, words were exchanged. Vows were made and after the vows, you became husband and wife. It was all about words!
If words bring you together, good words uttered in sincerity to one another will also sustain your relationship.
The course of a thing is also the sustainer of that thing. Sit down and talk!
Singles should ask one another, “Why do you want to marry me?”
Couples should ask from time to time, “Why did you marry me?”
This morning, we are looking at an explosive combination, probably the most volcanic of couple types!
Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife!
What?
As uncommon as it could be, this coupling type exists!
Well, Pastor, you said opposites attract, so what happened in this scenario?
Well, there is every possibility they started as vocal and quiet, but as time goes on, the other quiet spouse adopted being vocal as a coping mechanism with a vocal spouse!
This person assumes the only way they can survive in that marriage is to match their spouse, word for word, trouble for trouble, and vice for vice!
Couple Types: Vocal Husband, Vocal Wife
This type of couple is very explosive, they fear one another, and the house is usually one of shouting matches.
The spouses are unwilling to give in to one another. There is no mutual submission and any form of submission is seen as a sign of weakness on their part.
In some cases, they get violent with each other and sometimes destroy things!
This type of couple is sitting on a gunpowder and it is a matter of time before it explodes on their faces.
They are both angry and volatile with their emotions.
I am sure you remember the case of Simeon and Levi .
Gen 49:5-6 (KJV) Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. [6] O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.
Two angry people in a marriage is never recommended!
In the Amplified version, it says
Gen 49:5 (AMPC) Simeon and Levi are brothers [equally headstrong, deceitful, vindictive, and cruel]; their swords are weapons of violence. [Gen 34:25-29]
Note the word, EQUALLY! No marriage can survive where the couple is equally vocal, vindictive, troublesome, and angry!
For this marriage to survive, they have to be willing to die to their flesh and sacrifice for one another.
