We started looking at this topic yesterday. We mentioned some things about the right woman.
1. She will truly love you. 2. She will truly and regularly intercede for you. 3. She will truly add to you and not deplete you.
What other ways can you know the right woman for you?
4. She will truly behave appropriately How do I mean? A lady that truly loves you will not aid and push you into sin. In courtship, she will not demand for jeru trip neither will she ‘supply’ it when it is being demanded. She will behave in a spiritually appropriate way. She will not trap you or manipulate you. She will not become a spiritual nuisance or distraction to you. I know guys can be forceful, manipulative and stubborn sometimes, but when a lady wants to say No, she knows how to say it.
In marriage, she will behave appropriately. She will not defraud her husband! That’s what the Bible calls it. When you deny your husband in marriage, it’s fraud!
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV)
This doesn’t mean husbands should not allow their wives to rest, right?
Don’t go and tell your wife, ‘Pastor Dunamis said even if it is five times daily, you should be good to go!” In reality, never sex-starve your husband. It is not supposed to be a tool of punishment or reward.
5. She will be truly faithful. A lady in courtship that truly loves you will not double date. She will not live in deception. She will not be caught in betwixt the triple operation of greed, money and sex. She will remain faithful. That is all about fearing God.
In marriage, she will not cheat on you or hide things from you. Do ladies who are believers cheat on their husbands? Yes. How do I know? Through counseling! It starts with emotional affairs, nursing secret desires and keeping it away from your spouse. You see, iniquity is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. The power of iniquity is broken when it is exposed. When you are capable of hiding things from your husband, well, you don’t love him like you should, and a seed of adultery can be planted, because all it takes is your ability to do things and hide them.
Well, if you find some defects in your courtship, you might want to lovingly discuss them and make adjustments. You might also want to talk to a mentor or a counselor. You might also want to pray and ask God for wisdom. I pray that God will give you wisdom on how to make it right in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the right person to marry
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God leads you in the right direction
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 18:22(KJV)Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
I purposelydid not use the word ‘Love Language’ but used your wife’s ‘Language’ so that you can see the similarities. It is easier for us to relate to ‘your wife’s Language’ than it is to relate to love language.
Just as you can never think of marrying a wife who does not speak your language, it is ridiculous for you not to speak your wife’s love language.
Every woman has a love language. That love language is what she understands, is used to, and can relate to. In this language, she understands and can sense love.
Until you speak this language, she cannot sense or understand that you love her. It is like speaking Japanese to an English woman. It does not make any sense, and you sure are not making sense to her.
A woman knows that you love her when you communicate this love in a language that she understands. The problem is that most men are communicating this love to their wives in another language.
Note that there is something in every woman that craves being loved by her husband. Yes, she can be loved by her colleagues, friends, or siblings but there is something about the love of her husband. It may be because it is the way God ordered it from the beginning.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.
If husbands want to be found fulfilling their primary and basic role in the marriage covenant, it is good for each husband to learn to speak his wife’s language.
It makes a lot of sense if you at least become conversant with your wife’s language. It helps better communication in the marriage institution. Just like in our illustration of the English woman and the Japanese language speaking to her.
There are five basic love languages. We will look at each one so you can get a good understanding of each of them.
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Service
4. Gifts
5. Physical touch
All these love languages are to be understood if you want to love your wife on her own terms (in her own language) and not yours.
1. Words of affirmation.
If this is your wife’s love language, that just means that she likes to be spoken to. She may or may not be quiet, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that your words mean a lot to her. You have to be constantly speaking words of encouragement to her.
Appreciating her by commenting on her efforts, looks, achievements, and verbalizing your love must be regular.
She senses love when she’s been constantly spoken to. Her energy to move on comes by appreciating her and saying sweet words to her. When you don’t speak kind words to her, she doesn’t sense your love towards her as a husband. Your words must be kind.
If on the contrary, you speak harshly to her, she senses harshness rather than love and sensitivity.
We will continue tomorrow.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom in your marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise, you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
1. She will truly love you. How do you know a woman truly loves you? She will submit to you. Submission is not being subservient or being oppressed, it is a conscious effort of allowing the man to have the final say as the scripture suggests.
One of the most effective ways to influence your husband is to submit. One of the fastest ways to aggravate a man is to remain stubborn and non-submissive. A man is not supposed to lord it over his wife, he is supposed to relate with her lovingly while she respectfully submits. Being submissive is not being muted, she should be able to offer suggestions and use her initiatives, howbeit, the man should have the final say. When you mute your wife, you have just silenced your helper!
2. She will truly and regularly intercede for you. A woman is a womb-man, and that is what differentiates her from a man. She has the capacity to conceive and then birth. All the confusion in this generation ought not to be. Male and female created he them! Not male and male or female and female. God did not create Adam and Steve. God did not create Eve and Eva. So there should be no issues. A woman is created with a womb, not one acquired through the trans-gender process.
She has a womb. She has the same capacity in the spirit realm and she wields tremendous spiritual power if she has a relationship with God. Just like she is endowed to birth in the natural, she is empowered to intercede in the spirit realm. I am not saying men should not pray, because the scripture says men ought to pray, but I am saying a woman can birth things in the spirit realm. If she truly loves you, she will not walk away because of challenges, she will take it up in the place of prayers.
Have you seen the scripture in Hebrews that says –
“Women received their dead raised to life again…?” (Hebrews 11:35a)
It means a woman can take what appears dead and gone and bring life into it again.
3. She will truly add to you and not deplete you. A woman not only births, she is also a multiplier. A woman will always multiply what you give her. Give a woman some ingredients and there goes a pot of delicious stew. Give a woman a house and she makes a home out of it. Give a woman spermatozoa, and she brings forth a baby months after. She is just a multiplier. That is why the scripture says a woman shall compass a man. That is also why the scripture says a woman is a helper to her husband. Not a distraction. A wife; not a knife. A wife helps; a knife cuts and lacerates. There is a difference!
When a lady that loves you comes into your life in marriage, she will add to you. He that findeth a wife findeth good and obtaineth favour! She will truly add favour to your life when she truly loves you. And that is why men should be careful about the kind of seed they plant in a lady. If you sow the wind, she will take it, press down shaken together and give you a whirlwind. If you sow stress into her life, she will give you frustration. Be careful because she is a multiplier!
1. After emotional involvement, reasoning faculty becomes biased After you fall in love with a person, the truth is that your reasoning faculty becomes biased in favour of that person, because of the deep feelings and emotional connection that often accompany the process of falling in love. If this is the case, it is wise then to be cautious about the person you fall in love with. For example, you want to be careful about developing a close friendship with an unbeliever, to avoid the possibility of falling in love with such a person. When you fall in love with such a person, you are going to close your eyes to the fact that such a person is not a child of God. You are going to turn a deaf ear to people around you who are warning you because you have fallen in love. So you see, you have to define your relationships.
One of the greatest humiliations one can be subjected to is in the hands of a wrong person you have fallen in love with but who is not in love with you! You will practically become a puppet, as it were, in the hands of a puppet master, wielding enormous power over your emotions, abusing you, and yet unable to disconnect…may you never be in that spot! It even gets worse when you become sexually involved with such a person and there are emotional ties. Have you ever being in a relationship with a person and everybody is warning you?
Your pastor calls you and says you are making a mistake. Your parents call you and warn you sternly about the person. Your closest friends call you and tell you something must be wrong with you. Deep down in your heart, even your conscience tells you that you are making a huge mistake. But you are in love…at such times, you really need to hit the pause button! Go and pray and ask God to help you. One of the ways you can pray is to first disconnect or distance yourself from that person so that your mind can be clear to pray.
I will conclude tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
This morning we’ll be looking at the topic “This is what your husband wants from you”
If youthink anticipating Jeru trip with your spouse is a sin, then you are holier than God. When a man craves, longs anticipates, imagines, and sends SMS to his wife for the eventual Jeru trip later in the night, there is nothing wrong with that.
Religion may tell you that it is wrong. And then this need of the man becomes suppressed and then finds himself in some sexual sin with another.
You see, marriage does not address the lust problem. After you are married, these Jeru trip feelings will not go. You will see other ladies that are still beautiful, and you will still be barraged in your mind about exploring.
If you lack self-control; you will still find yourself messing around with other ladies. That is the quickest way to ruining yourself and your family.
So, what God does is to train you and to teach you how to put your body under. He trains you how to say “No” to compromise.
That is how to live long. That is how to preserve your family. That is how to please God. And this is why he tells you, don’t do it before marriage.
But in marriage, He says, don’t deny each other. What is unavailable to you as a single becomes always available after marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to be faithful to my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 8:37 (KJV) Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study agreement in the scripture. Use a concordance
