1. He will truly support your dreams and vision. Not a few women have had their dreams and vision suffocated and swallowed up because of unnecessary intimidation.
A man that truly loves you will truly support your dreams, vision and aspirations knowing fully well that you are one. What is the point of a lady serving God with so much zest and energy on her youthful and campus days and after marriage only to be permanently domiciled to kitchen and baby nursing affairs only? Yes, I know you have to take care of your family and you should but that doesn’t mean you should come to a place where you are not even lifting a finger in your local assembly. I also know that this situation could arise as a result of your own inability to properly transition from a single lady to a married woman and might not have anything to do with your husband.
If you find yourself in this situation, what to do is not go and put up a fight with your husband, but to lovingly discuss with him how you can strike a balance and be useful to God, even as a wife and a mother. I know there are also situations where you might have to blend with your husband, so I am not saying here that you should have a completely independent spirit wherein rather than be a helper to your husband, you eventually become a distraction.
2. He will truly be a lover boy to you only A godly man that truly loves you will be a great lover of you only. He is not going back and forth and getting involved with other ladies. He is focused on you. Being godly does not mean being unromantic.
A godly man that truly loves you does not come around to tell you that he has so many girlfriends but you are his first choice, as if he is filling a university admission form. He will not play games with you. He will not toy with your emotions and he will not manipulate you with logic. He knows how to take care of you and how to bring out the best in you. Ladies, do not stay with a man who sleeps around and even tells you to your face, that he would stop after marriage. Don’t subject yourself to that kind of affliction, even if he gives you a million bucks every month! You are not for sale!
In marriage, he will focus on you and will not be distracted. His love for you will keep him zipped up even in the face of pressure.
3. He will truly protect you. A man is supposed to be a protector of the lady. In courtship, he doesn’t want you to compromise your virtue, nay, he wants you to please God, so he is willing to wait. In marriage, his love for you will be evident in how he provides, pampers you, and prays for you. He wants the best for you. When there are issues, he tries to treat you gently, because he knows you are his wife.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God leads you to your rightful partner
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask questions about your relationship and take decisions.
Yesterday, we saw the dangers of letting your emotions lead you.
What other reasons are there to show you cannot fall in love anyhow?
2. You need to protect your heart The second reason why you cannot just fall in love anyhow or with just anybody is because of your heart. You have a responsibility to protect your heart. Your heart is a like a garden. Your heart is like a vineyard of precious fruits. It should be a secured place with the word of God mounting guard over it!
Philippians 4:7 (AMP) – And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
There is a peace that comes from following God’s word that becomes a guard to your heart.
There are generally two kinds of people trying to access your heart, which is like a garden. There are gardeners who will take care of you and there are scavengers who want to take care of themselves at your expense. It is an error to fall in love carelessly with a scavenger. A gardener wants to nurture you. A scavenger wants to puncture your heart. A gardener will pray for you. A scavenger will prey on you. It is your responsibility, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to protect your heart.
If you are already in courtship, make up your mind to protect each other. When both of you are selfless and consider the other first, you will release an unprecedented dimension of favour over your relationship. Avoid strife like a plague because it is a tool in the hands of the devil to wreak havoc. Forgive each other quickly; be committed to peace. Don’t allow hurt and bitterness to chart a course for your intended family. There is no way you won’t hurt each other sometimes but practice advance forgiveness. You need to go to your partner now and apologize even if you feel he or she is in the wrong.
It is not about winning an argument, it is about not losing your partner, so bury your ego and be matured. Let peace reign. As you obey this specific instruction of reconciling with your potential spouse, watch out for a fresh deluge of His blessings especially in your finances.
I pray for you today, may you be blessed! The heavens open over you in Jesus name! God will honour you and fill your mouth with laughter.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God teaches you how to fall in love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
Gen 3:1 KJV Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
Gen 3:1 AMP NOW THE serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You shall not eat from every tree of the garden?
The tactics the devil uses, even till today doesn’t change. It is important we get conversant with his tactics so that we can better prepare ourselves and safeguard our destinies by the help of the Holy Spirit from falling into his traps.
That is why the scripture says
2Co 2:11 KJV Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.
Amplified version says:
2Co 2:11 AMP To keep Satan from getting the advantage over us; for we are not ignorant of his wiles and intentions.
We must by the Spirit of God protect ourselves so that he does not get advantage over us in our relationships and marriage.
In verse one of the above verse, he said: “Yea, hath God said…” He still does the same today. What he does is to challenge the truth of God’s word in your heart.
He did the same thing for Jesus Christ! The temptations of Jesus Christ were crafted to challenge the word of God. That was why the moment Jesus Christ responded with “It is written…,” he won!
Why would the devil always challenge God’s word? The reason is obvious. The moment he makes you to doubt God’s word or to reject God’s word, he would have a foothold to operate.
So he comes and says things like: “Did God really say we should not have pre-marital sex?” “But everybody is compromising! Why should I be different?” “Can I really marry someone without ‘testing’ that person on bed?”
Sometimes, he even comes quoting scripture and misapplying it. He says things like:
“The scriptures says we must be wise as serpent, so I don’t think it is wrong to fight for my job at work place by sleeping with my boss” “Is it really wrong to be involved in adultery? David was adulterous, and yet God still said He is a man after His heart. Did God not approve adultery there? If God hates my adulterous life, He would have killed me!”
He comes and tells two people who are in courtship: “See, there is nothing wrong in kissing and petting. It is something we should do in order to express our love since we are sure of getting married!”
He tells another: “There is nothing wrong in masturbation. We must find a way to relive the pressure, in as much as we did not fornicate. Even one Pastor said it is okay…”
He tells a married person: “Your spouse is a mistake. You don’t need to divorce him/her, but you can just have affairs outside and God will understand that it is not easy!”
It goes on and on. The underlying thing I want you to see is that the moment God’s word is being challenged on any level; know that the devil is at work. The Holy Spirit will never come to counteract God’s word or to debunk it; He only comes to expound it.
Never yield ground to the devil. Resist him like the Jesus Christ did and he will flee. Adam and Eve yielded to the devil and lost the fullness of God’s plan. Jesus came to restore that loss, but he would have failed if he yielded to the devil when he was being tempted.
Every compromise you cooperate with alters something in the spirit realm. Make up your mind this coming month to resist the devil every day and consciously with the help of the Holy Spirit.
You cannot be yielding to your flesh and the devil every time if you want to go far! You cannot be saying some girl seduced you all the time while you sleep around recklessly. You cannot be saying a man forced you into compromise with his money.
The devil is not that powerful. He is as powerful as you allow him in your life. He needs your permission before he can trip you and trap you. Never allow him again. Don’t give him an inch!
Do it God’s way. There will no longer be delays in Jesus name. God will perfect everything in your relationship and marriage as you make up your mind to resist the devil.
Never forget this, if you can keep feeding your spirit with God’s word daily and consistently, and you believe His word, that same word of the Lord will keep you! That is why we have created this online Club for you! Visit it daily and keep learning all you can. Keep encouraging each other! Stay on your toes and be alert.
I pray that you will have a higher revelation of the person and the principles of our Lord Jesus Christ! Victory is yours!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY In all things I give thanks. I will not allow the devil, pride, pressures of life and ignorance to steal this gracious act from me.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me your wisdom to be a good spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Heb 12:28 MSG Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make up your mind to stand strong in God
There is nothing wrong with loving your wife or wife-to-be. There is nothing wrong with thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you to do that. Before you say hurray, however, there is a way you love your fiancée and there is a way you love your wife.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
This is talking to married people and not singles in courtship. It didn’t say, rejoice with the fiancée of thy youth or with your wife to be…
So verse 19 clearly establishes that God does not want you fondling and caressing each other. That is always the beginning of compromise.
When two people who are genuinely in love start petting each other, they will always do more and more each time they meet until they find themselves entangled in the web of compromise. It is called the law of progression and it happens all the time.
I know how your body feels when you are in love. I was once in love back then on the campus in the early nineties, and oh my God! Your body is mostly on fire!
You can continue to spiritualize it and deceive yourself that nothing can happen until you find yourself messing up. Or you can tell your fiancée, please, you have got to help me. I am in love with you and this is how my body feels. We must not compromise. Always caution me, if I am being inappropriate! And sometimes, it is the lady that needs to say that to the guy!
You see, when you do that, you are consciously protecting your destiny and preserving your relationship with God, which is what will make your relationship work out and lead to marriage!
How do you love a lady appropriately?
1. You are the protector of her body and her virtue A good man will say from the very first day, “I love you dearly and because of that, I have a strong physical desire each time I see you, but we will not compromise. We will obey God’s principles in order that our courtship is protected. We will put our bodies under.
I will not allow my body to take charge and give me direction, I will allow my spirit to gain ascendancy and I will not lose my testimony. You make up your mind to wait and not compromise. That way, trust will be established and your intending marriage will be founded on a good foundation.
2. Never lift your hands against her I have heard cases of singles in courtship that have been beaten severely by their fiancé. I have also had a few cases of ladies who slap the guys.
Well, you shouldn’t cope with any form of physical abuse on any level in your courtship. Don’t suffer silently thinking it will get better after marriage.
Deliver yourself like a bird and fly! If he is used to donating a few slaps here and there for you, and you still cling to him in sexual lust, something is seriously wrong. It is either he controls you with his money or there is a soul tie effected through pre-marital sex.
Whichever way, you need to deliver yourself quickly! Don’t go through all of life been treated like a doormat. You have a destiny to fulfill and don’t allow anybody to play the role of “God” in your life.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not being inappropriate. I know how to love my fiancee
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the grace to always put your body under
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide how you want to love your fiancee
The issue above is one of the commonest statements of regret from several people that I counsel every other month. Avoiding in marriage a lover on fire today but cold later is possible.
“Pastor, he has changed…”
“Pastor, I never knew he was like this…”
“Pastor, before we got married, he was a leader in the fellowship, but now, he doesn’t go to church…”
“Pastor, during our courtship, he was so sweet, but now, he beats me up!
“Pastor, I never knew him because our courtship was a distant one…”
…And so on and so forth…
Well, what went wrong along the way?
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
Here are a few things to note.
There are pretenders out there. There are people who will feign being in the faith just to get a ‘good’ girl that will not give them ‘problems’ in marriage. This is where Christian pre-marriage counseling comes in.
2. That you met somebody in church does not guarantee that he or she is a true child of God or that you are avoiding in marriage all troubles. Anybody and everybody can attend church services for different purposes. Always seek counsel before you get involved with anybody.
3. Not everybody in the church setting is looking for God. That is why phones and personal effects get missing in church. An angel didn’t steal them. They were stolen by people with whom you worship but with ulterior motives.
4. Let the leadership of the church be involved in your relationship and marriage. There are some churches that have marriage guidance councils, these are not instituted to control you or spy into your private life but to guide you appropriately. Let your pastor be in the know. This is important because the pastor usually knows the committed ones and those who are insincere to an extent.
5. Learn all you can learn. Get marriage tips and free Christian advice online for avoiding chaos in marriage. On Kisses and Huggs Club, for example, we offer free Christian advice for singles and married couples and you can get advice on marriage issues on our daily devotionals, daily discussions and several other materials online. Don’t walk into a marriage ignorantly and so naïve that you fall for anything.
6. As a marriage counselor for some years, I can rightly say that it is true some people really love the Lord, but along the way, there is a turn around. Avoiding in marriage such people is what this post is about. This can be due to negative influence, change of environment, pressure that comes with marriage, choice of career and so on. Whatever it is, when you find yourself in this kind of scenario, you need to quickly find a marriage counselor to talk to.
I will stop here today and conclude on this topic tomorrow.
Be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
