She thought marriage meant constant date nights. He thought marriage meant saving every penny to keep the home running and to give the children a good life.
He thought “quality time” meant watching TV together. She thought it meant long walks and deep talks.
Neither was absolutely wrong—but both were disappointed.
This is how expectations clash. And if unspoken, they lead to frustration.
Singles, while dating, don’t just ask, “What’s your favourite colour?” Ask, “What does love look like to you?” You might discover one of you defines romance as gifts, while the other defines it as service. This clarity will definitely save you from some conflict later. With this understanding, you can go into marriage knowing what and what you will do that will read L.O.V.E to your spouse.
Now, to couples, let’s stop assuming that our spouses should “just know.” No one is a mind reader. If you expect help with chores, say so. If you long for more affection, voice it. James 4:2 says, “You do not have because you do not ask God.” Ehm, the same principle applies in marriage—sometimes you don’t have because you didn’t ask your spouse. Now start asking.
Expectations aren’t the enemy—silence is. Talk. Listen. Adjust. That’s how two merge into one.
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it also brings its own unique set of experiences and lessons that singles might not fully comprehend until they embark on their own path. While being single provides freedom and opportunities for personal growth, married life introduces new dimensions of love, sacrifice, and collaboration. Here are five things couples may be aware of that singles might not yet fully grasp:
1. The Beauty (and Challenge) of Compromise In marriage, two people become one, which means learning to give and take on everything from chores to where to go on vacation. Singles can make decisions all by themselves, but in a relationship, both partners have to think about each other’s needs and wants. This can be tough sometimes, but it also makes you and your partner closer and more united. Through compromise, couples grow together and learn how to put their goals first over their own wants.
2. The Depth of Emotional Intimacy
Singles can have deep friendships or romantic connections, but there’s something special about the emotional bond between spouses. Marriage takes a lot of vulnerability, trust, and being open with each other. Over time, this intimacy grows as couples share happy times, tough times, and even the little things that happen every day. It’s a level of closeness that really makes your heart and soul feel strong, because you both promise to love and support each other.
3. The Power of Grace and Forgiveness
Even if you’re head over heels in love with your partner, disagreements are bound to happen. What makes marriages truly special is the ability to show grace and forgiveness over and over again. Singles might find it easier to let go of grudges because their relationships aren’t as deeply connected. But in marriage, patience and mercy become superpowers that keep the peace and harmony flowing. As the Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and forgiving to each other, just as Christ forgave you.””
4. The Selfless Act of Marriage Marriage is a beautiful journey that teaches couples to prioritize each other. Whether it’s staying up late to comfort a loved one or giving up a hobby to spend quality time together, selflessness becomes a natural part of their lives. For singles, life is all about personal goals, but marriage shifts the focus toward serving and supporting another person. This act of surrender is a powerful reminder of Christ’s example of sacrificial love.
5. The Joy of Building a Legacy Together Marriage is a beautiful journey of creating a legacy together. It’s not just about building a family, a home, and a community, but about creating something meaningful that stands the test of time. From raising our little ones to serving others, we find immense joy in co-creating God’s plan for our lives. And let’s not forget the dreamers out there! While they may dream of this future, married couples live it every day, knowing they’re part of something extraordinary.
Singleness has its perks, but marriage is like a treasure trove of experiences that mold your character, strengthen your faith, and show you how God meant for us to connect. Both life stages have their ups and downs, but marriage shows you the true meaning of love, the sacrifices we make, and the beauty of unity that only those who’ve been on this journey can truly appreciate.
In a vibrant African village, Amina and her husband Ibrahim embark on a journey of love and resilience. Their marriage, rooted in deep devotion and shared dreams, faces numerous challenges, especially concerning expectations regarding their in-laws. This story explores their struggles, the importance of communication and compromise, and the lessons they learn along the way.
Amina’s upbringing instilled in her the belief that a wife is a helpmeet. Her mother often reminded her, “Amina, a wife is more than a partner; she is a helpmeet.” Embracing this wisdom, Amina dedicated herself to supporting Ibrahim in every way possible. Understanding the demands of agricultural life, she ensured Ibrahim was well-fed and nourished, preparing his favorite dishes with special herbs and spices to invigorate him. Her kitchen became a sanctuary of love, symbolizing her care and devotion.
Despite their strong bond, Amina and Ibrahim’s marriage was tested by their differing backgrounds and expectations regarding in-laws. Amina came from a family that prioritized respect and deference to elders, believing Ibrahim should honor her parents and involve them in major decisions. Conversely, Ibrahim valued independence, thinking marriage meant establishing a separate, autonomous household free from parental interference. This fundamental clash soon led to tension, especially with Amina’s parents frequently visiting unannounced and offering advice, which Ibrahim found suffocating. Simultaneously, Ibrahim’s parents felt neglected and disrespected due to Amina’s infrequent visits and lack of deference.
The tensions reached a boiling point during a family gathering. Both sets of parents were present, leading to a heated confrontation. Amina’s father suggested diversifying the farm’s crops, but Ibrahim, feeling undermined, refused. The situation escalated when Amina’s brother reminded Ibrahim of their financial support, leading to Ibrahim demanding they leave his house. This outburst shocked everyone, causing a deep rift in their relationships. However, Amina caught between loyalty to her family and love for her husband, sought a way to reconcile the conflicting expectations.
In the aftermath, Amina sought solace in prayer and reached out to a wise village elder. The elder emphasized the importance of balance in marriage, advising Amina to honor her parents while creating a space for her marriage to thrive independently. Inspired by this wisdom, Amina approached Ibrahim with a plan to set specific times for family visits and discussions, aiming to involve their parents without letting them control their lives. Ibrahim agreed, and together they implemented this plan.
Amina and Ibrahim decided to host a family meeting to openly discuss their feelings and establish clear expectations. They prepared a feast to create a relaxed atmosphere and invited both sets of parents and Amina’s brother. During the meeting, they expressed their desire to balance family involvement with marital independence. The parents, understanding the couple’s perspective, acknowledged their overbearing behavior and agreed to respect the new boundaries. The meeting fostered mutual understanding and paved the way for improved communication.
The couple’s plan involved setting regular visiting hours and clear boundaries for seeking advice. Over time, these measures eased the tension, and both sets of parents began to respect the couple’s autonomy. Amina and Ibrahim’s home became a place of harmony and mutual respect. The village admired their commitment to balancing family obligations with marital independence.
Lessons Learnt
Through their journey, Amina and Ibrahim learned valuable lessons that Amina shared with the women of her village:
1. Support Your Husband: Amina’s unwavering support for Ibrahim in his farming endeavors highlighted the importance of being a helpmeet.
2. Communicate Openly: Open discussions about fears, challenges, and dreams strengthened their bond and addressed misunderstandings.
3. Establish Boundaries: Clear boundaries with in-laws allowed their marriage to thrive independently.
4. Balance Respect and Independence: Amina balanced respect for her parents with the need for autonomy in her marriage.
5. Seek Guidance and Support: External advice from a village elder provided valuable insights and solutions.
6. Be a Source of Peace: Amina created a tranquil home environment, a sanctuary for both partners.
7. Fight Together: Facing challenges as a team strengthened their marital bond.
8. Demonstrate Patience and Perseverance: Amina’s patience and perseverance were key to overcoming in-law issues.
Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer
Joyce and Dave Meyer have been married for over 56 years. In their Video, Talk It Out, they share candidly about the highs and lows of their journey together. Joyce notes early on in their 5-date courtship, they didn’t truly know each other. Yet through divine intervention, they found themselves bonded for life.
Based on this conversation with celebrated life coach and bestselling author Joyce Meyer and her husband Dave, here are some invaluable insights on how to build a strong, God-honoring marriage.
1. Joyce and Dave Meyer discuss the ups and downs of their early marriage and how their thinking has changed over the years.
2. Dave knew marriage was forever so he never thought about changing Joyce or leaving if things didn’t improve.
3. They had to learn about each other through experiences and God helped Dave deal with difficult situations. Over decades, Joyce and Dave Meyer learned to accept each other fully as God designed.
4. Dave applies relevant scriptures like Ephesians 5:28 to situations rather than dwelling on problems.
5. Joyce explains she came from a difficult childhood which manifested in erratic, emotionally volatile behaviors in their first years of marriage. She recalls giving Dave the silent treatment for weeks at a time when upset.
6. Dave remained steadfast, understanding where Joyce’s hurt originated while navigating ups and downs to learn about her. He displayed remarkable strength and commitment to their vows.
Common Mistakes in Marriage.
7. Trying to change your spouse instead of letting them be who they are. Realizing their unique qualities complement one another affirms God’s plan for oneness in marriage.
8. Joyce acknowledges trying to change Dave was misguided since transformation must come from within.
9. From the start, Dave viewed marriage as permanent, avoiding the “threat” mindset some have of changing or divorcing a spouse.
10. Focusing on what’s wrong with your spouse instead of what’s right is a common mistake.
11. Thinking you have to be happy for your spouse to be happy instead of each being responsible for their own happiness.
Handling Differences of Opinion.
12. It’s normal to have different opinions and likes in a marriage.
13. Compromise by allowing each person to decorate their own space.
14. It’s okay to disagree as long as you don’t think your spouse is wrong for having a different view.
15. Joyce recommends couples make a side-by-side list of each other’s positive and negative traits. For her and Dave, the good vastly outweighed the bad. By shifting mental focus to a spouse’s virtues, small flaws seem insignificant.
Dealing with Financial Disagreements.
16. Joyce and Dave Meyer advised that you talk through finances and goals before marriage to avoid surprises.
17. Needs can change over time so revisit financial agreements.
18. Understand each other’s perspectives and fears around money.
Dave’s Experience with Saving Money as a Youth.
19. Dave shares how he learned the value of saving money from a young age. He explains how at 16 years old, he saved one thousand dollars cutting grass and selling items to buy his first car.
20. Dave emphasizes the importance of prioritizing spending money on important goals.
Accepting Each Other as God Made Us.
21. Joyce and Dave Meyer are different. Dave is more logical while Joyce processes things verbally.
22. One frequent source of disagreement between spouses is having differing communication styles.
23. Joyce mentioned how she likes to verbally process situations by talking through all the angles, while Dave prefers a more direct, logical approach. It’s not that either way is wrong, but recognizing these distinctions is important. They’ve realized God made them this way and focusing on each other’s strengths has helped.
24. When Joyce was unhappy, Dave modeled finding joy regardless through stable faith.
25. As Christians, we are not to let others dictate our moods but lead by example. Joyce was inspired to mirror Dave’s contentment.
26. Misunderstandings often arise when partners don’t understand each other’s methods of thinking and reasoning through problems.
27. Surrender fully to God’s design for oneness. Appreciate differences as completing each other.
28. Apply biblical solutions in tough times, not human reasoning. Prioritize your spouse’s well-being through humility, patience, and consistent prayer.
We will continue with Part 2 of Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer tomorrow.
There are so many things that couples know that singles don’t have a clue about. I know some singles won’t agree…until they marry!
Being in a committed relationship can be a unique and transformative experience. Here are the top ten things that couples know that singles may not have an idea of.
1. Love is a Choice.
Couples know that love is not just a feeling, but a conscious decision to prioritize and commit to each other every day. Singles think they will forever feel love towards their spouse after the wedding! Should we tell them? The reality is that you will wake up some days and won’t feel an iota of love. Love then becomes a choice, a decision you make, not because of what you feel. Feelings are fleeting and fickle, so you cannot rely on them.
2. Communication is Key.
Couples understand that effective communication is crucial for building trust, resolving conflicts, and deepening their connection. Couples know they have to keep talking whether they like it or not. Singles think they will naturally flow all the time, but sometimes a spouse wants to be alone. Effort must be made to sustain communication at such times.
3. Intimacy Goes Beyond Sex.
This is one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that intimacy encompasses emotional vulnerability, trust, and a deep sense of connection that transcends physical intimacy. Couples know that intimacy is not all about marriage; they know that beyond intimacy, there are deeper cords that bind the couple together.
4. Compromise is Essential.
Couples have learned that finding common ground and compromising is vital for navigating differences and building a strong partnership. Singles can stubbornly stay with their opinion and think that is the way it is generally. But couples know you have to find a middle ground within the context of God’s word most of the time.
5. Independence is Important.
Couples recognize that maintaining individuality and personal interests is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. This is what will prevent unnecessary meltdowns during mid-life crises.
6. Fights are Inevitable and Necessary.
Couples know that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship and can actually strengthen their bond if navigated constructively. Singles can sweep things under the carpet or even pretend to be nice. But in marriage, things happen live in 3D! Good couples have learned to disagree without being disagreeable. Some singles are under the illusion that they will never disagree because they are “in love.”
7. Supporting Each Other’s Growth.
Couples understand the importance of supporting each other’s personal growth, goals, and aspirations. Couples know they are limited when they are not together. They know the reality of one chasing a thousand and two chasing ten thousand. Couples know they have to be on the same page.
8. Vulnerability is a Strength.
Couples have learned that being vulnerable and open with each other is a sign of strength, not weakness. Couples have realized the importance of the following scripture:
Jas 5:16 (TPT) Confess and acknowledge how you have offended one another and then pray for one another to be instantly healed, for tremendous power is released through the passionate, heartfelt prayer of a godly believer!
They know that vulnerability is strength! Period! It requires courage to peel back the layers, revealing one’s true self to another.
9. Relationships Take Work.
This is another one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that relationships require effort, patience, and dedication to maintain and deepen their connection. Some singles are living on fantasy island. Couples know they have to work on their marriage. They know that marriage only works when they have decided to work at it. Like tending to a delicate garden, they nurture the seeds of love and tend to its growth, watering it with kindness, understanding, and unwavering devotion.
10. Unconditional Love is Real.
Couples have experienced the transformative power of unconditional love and acceptance, which can bring a profound sense of security and joy to their relationship. It is a love that transcends flaws, imperfections, and the changing tides of life. Couples know that a love that is not selfish but selfless is what will get the job done.
By recognizing and embracing these truths, couples can build a strong, resilient, and loving partnership that brings happiness and fulfillment to both individuals.
