Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You. Sandy was badly hurt, that ten years after the blow meted to her by her lover, she was still hurt! Without knowing, the hurt has morphed into wounds and the wounds have crystallized into bitterness. This in turn affected everything about her life.
How do you forgive in the real practical sense of it?
Forgiveness is not talking about the issue. Forgiveness is not explaining the situation. Forgiveness is not reporting the person to your pastor. Forgiveness goes beyond that especially when the issue is very grave and hurting.
Usually, the female gender is the most hurt, they are more like at the receiving end. A lady attaches more to a relationship than a guy will. Man is a logical being, so it is easier for him to walk away from relationships and console himself so that somebody else will show up.
The lady on the other hand, has her whole life, emotions and essence woven and intertwined in a relationship because she is a relationship being, so it is usually more hurting for her especially when she is not the one initiating the break-up.
In marriage; it is the same, the wife is more hurt. When I am settling quarrels between a couple, you find the man smiling after a while, but the lady finds it more difficult to let go like that, depending on the process that led to the hurt. However, in marriage, the greatest thing you can learn to do is to forgive! In fact, it is good you practice advanced forgiveness!
Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You. The first thing to do in forgiving a person is to
1. Decide to forgive
This step is actually important because you can say “I have forgiven so and so,” when in reality, you never decided to forgive such a person. Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision you make. You have been jilted, used, abandoned, rejected, abused sexually, treated shabbily, and so on? Let go! Decide to forgive so that you can move on. The best revenge is success and good marriage. But that will only come when you forgive! Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You is a must!
2. Ask God to give you the needed strength to forgive.
If the name of the person who hurt you is mentioned, and your countenance changes, you have not forgiven yet. If you hissed at the thought of the person, you have not forgiven yet. In such instances, you need strength from God. You need to pray that God should reach within you, touch you where no man can touch you, and heal you indeed.
Your offender who you thought would rot in hell can meet Jesus along the way and go to heaven! You that were offended too should make heaven and not allow someone to occupy a space in your heart springing up into bitterness. Being bitter will never make you better! Wives, forgive your husbands, yes, you think he is naughty and sometimes wicked, but forgive him all the same, so that you can both believe God for greater things! Never curse your husband in your heart!
Embrace him tonight. Let your love be rekindled. Don’t give the enemy space in your home. Husbands, forgive you,r wives, You think she is stubborn and disrespectful but forgive her so that your prayers will not be grounded. Call her on phone and assure her you have forgiven! She might come up with uncooperative attitudes, but ignore it, and bury your ego, she probably wants to be sure you are remorseful. Ignore her attitude and be resolute in making your marriage work. This is what Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You entails.
I will probably still write more on this tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I forgive all who have hurt me
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I receive strength to forgive in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY List out names of all who hurt you and forgive them one by one
Don’t Let Anger Ruin Your Love Life. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were the quintessential couple everybody admired. But what people saw was the pulchritude. Within the family, the demon of anger reigned supreme. In no time the seemingly beautiful marriage was ruined, because of uncontrollable anger. That which could have been one of the best became a mess. Their marital life could have been a counsel to others, but they canceled each other out!
There are some things that will work and there are some things that will not work. Now, you don’t need to spend another five years trying to experiment what will work and what will not work. You only need to be willing to learn. Every time you make a mistake, it has the potential of hardening your heart against God. This is a tactic of the devil, so life is not to be permanently lived on Mistake Street by Error Avenue. You can decide to go for wisdom.
Be slow to get angry. Don’t Let Anger Ruin Your Love Life. This is what the scripture expressly advises. Not a few have lost precious relationships because of anger tantrums. Now, it is okay to be angry sometimes as a human, I do get angry myself sometimes. But when your anger becomes compulsive, uncontrollable and bothering on violence, you need to be careful.
When you get angry, you beat people around you, pick up a fight or destroy things, then you need to consciously pray to God for help. Go on the net and Google ‘anger management’ and get some materials that will help you. Go into the scriptures and study every instance where the words, “anger, angry, wrath, etc occurs.
One of such scriptures says Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9 KJV)
In order words, if you get angry too quickly, you are a…. (clearing throat) I didn’t write that, you said it!
The translation I like most is this: Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head. (Ecclesiastes 7:9 Message)
The Message translation isn’t playing at all! The next time, you get so angry, walk away and check the mirror, if you can see the lumps there, relax first before you make a decision! Unnecessary anger will ruin relationships. Anger problems will make you say things you will regret later.
See the example of these guys in the scriptures who had serious anger problems. Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their self will they digged down a wall (Genesis 49:5-6 KJV)
Here, their father began to talk about these two brothers who in fits of anger, killed and wiped out a whole community! You see, unnecessary anger will lead to death…death of things, death of relationships, death of opportunities, and even death of marriage!
Do you know how many people have called their lawyers in anger and opted out of marriage, then got married to another person angrily only to discover that the new person is worse? May you not get married to an angry person who has an instrument of cruelty in their habitations. Their father was so furious at their actions and actually placed a curse on them!
Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel. (Genesis 49:7 KJV)
Look at those words: scatter, divide…that is what fierce anger leads to! Don’t Let Anger Ruin Your Love Life
If as a single you can see that you have anger issues, don’t ignore it and don’t play the denial card. Talk to your pastor or mentor, get books and read, get into the scripture and study so that your mind can be renewed, and pray to God to help you!
Now when you pray to God to help, more people will come your way to get you angry more and provoke you the more, so that each time you lose it, you can really know you need help and then you can consciously begin to work on it.
As married couples, if both of you are angry at the same time, it can be dangerous. There are husbands that will not talk to their wives for days. That is not being a man! There are wives that get hurt at everything and will close up their spirits against their husbands. How will your prayers be answered?! You can’t run your home like that! You are trusting God to conceive, yet you are always fighting, don’t you know that is the devil?
If one is angry, the other should calm down. Here is some advice for you: A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1 KJV)
Try and see how it works. When the other is angry, don’t raise your voice too. Talk in a whisper, the demon of wrath will fly away! You see that demon works by working you up and causing you to vibrate like the fan made in Aba!
So, when you refuse to vibrate and say the wrong words, the demon loses its power! If he or she goes like, ‘You are crazy! You are mad!’ (That shouldn’t be the language of God’s children)
And then you respond with, ‘Your father is crazy, you mama don craze!”
What do you think will happen?
What about a soft answer, almost a whisper, that goes like, “dear, it is well.” Don’t Let Anger Ruin Your Love Life
God will help us all in Jesus’ name.
I rebuke the spirit of anger in your relationship and marriage, I ask the Spirit of God to intervene in your satiation and give you the wisdom to handle it in Jesus’ name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not a fool, therefore, I don’t get angry easily.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I curse every root of anger and wrath in my life in Jesus’ name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: (Proverbs 22:24 KJV)
Here’s an Invitation To True Love. Sandy is a church girl. She goes to church regularly, belongs to the choir, and serves God passionately, but she is also caught up with some habitual sins, which she has not been able to confront for a long time.
George is the fellowship head of his campus fellowship but has sexual relationships with some of the flock he is supposed to keep. He knows his lifestyle doesn’t please God, but he would find himself from time to time doing what he preaches against.
Mr. & Mrs. Johnson want to serve God and they are doing all they can. It is just that they are both compromisers, they are seeing someone else. They know it is wrong, but they continued, thinking that somehow, things will just work out. They are practicing what is known as an ”open relationship” where both know they are cheating on each other!
What is common with these people?
They are all involved with what is not going to work. They are all hoping God’s mercy will work for them, and really it will work for a while.
Let’s take a look at the scriptures and see some principles. Here’s An Invitation To True Love, The Invitation to buy:
Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. (Isaiah 55:1 KJV)
Here we see God inviting you to come and buy what you will eat and which will do you good. But these are not the kind of stuff you buy with money. These are the kinds of stuff you buy with time and with your heart.
The very first principle that will ensure success in your relationship, marriage, and life is to have a thirst for the things of God and to go to the waters.
The waters talk about the word of God. You buy revelation for your situation, not with your money but with a sincere and dedicated heart unto God.
You see, your thirst for a good life, a good marriage, a good home, and the good things in life is legitimate. Your thirst to make it, become significant in life, and be wealthy is a legitimate feeling. The hunger to quit living at the lowest rung of the ladder and move up is genuine, but you must take a step further to buy, the right way!
You buy with a good heart unto God and with spending time in God’s word regularly. You see, this is a lasting and tested principle that will quench that thirst of yours.
That thirst cannot be quenched with sex with the one you are not married to. You see, the hunger you feel in your soul, the emptiness of ideas, the feelings of loneliness that envelopes you can only be pacified and satisfied by honoring God’s invitation.
The devil has its own invitation cards as well.
It is an invitation to compromise. It is an invitation to spiritual apathy and mediocrity. It is an invitation to the road that leads to hell. The invitation card looks so alluring and beautiful, but you see, the consequence of honoring an invitation is not in the invitation card but in the person who is inviting you!
The guy who is insisting you should prove your love with sex is offering an invitation. The lady who told you to your face that you are old fashioned by staying away from sex is also offering an invitation.
Do you remember the invitation of the strange woman in Proverbs 7?
So now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face––and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month (Proverbs 7:15-20 Message)
But you see, the invitation is not always the end of the story. There is always a severe consequence when you honour the wrong invitation.
See what follows:
Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, Like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, Like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over (Proverbs 7:21-23 Message)
This is a clear invitation to adultery! Married couples, I challenge you today! Decide to refuse every wrong invitation. It is your choice! That guy or lady that seems better than your spouse is a trap! Do not get tangled in bed with the one you are not married to! The agony that follows such is intense!
God’s invitation will lead you to the good life you have always wanted.
Start the day with God’s word. Stay away from sin. Decide to live for God by refusing every compromise. Don’t play along thinking something will just happen, nothing just happens, everything is a consequence of an action, an effect after a cause!
I will conclude this morning by showing you God’s invitation through the mouth of Jesus Christ. No other invitation will beat this one!
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)
Now you won’t really understand the weight of the above invitation until you read it in another translation, and I conclude with that this morning!
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me––watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill–fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly (Matthew 11:28-30 Message)
Oh Jesus! I could preach a whole day from that. I challenge you to refuse and discard every other invitation and accept the invitation from the lover of your soul! Embracing the lover of your soul will lead you into the arms of the love of your life! Here’s An Invitation To True Love
What if you already get entangled as a single or married? Then get disentangled! It’s an issue of your decision, your God, and what God wants for your life! May God help you!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I refuse to honour every wrong invitation
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to thirst and hunger after you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30 ESV)
Don’t Do These In Public To Your Lover. Mrs. Johnson was petrified. She wished the earth would open up and swallow her. She has just been embarrassed by her husband who shouted at her in the public.
She was like a chicken stripped of all its feathers, as she stood there, completely befuddled and disconcerted. If it was someone else who did this, she would have understood, but it was her husband, who was supposed to be her protector, that exposed her as it were, to preys who looked and sighed cynically.
It was a similar thing that happened between George and Sandy who were not yet married. It was George that was embarrassed in their courtship right in the market! They had gone shopping together and because George was unable to buy what Sandy wanted, she dropped her fiance like a hot potato, not considering what others thought about the situation. She left him there in the cold, and walked away, damning the consequences.
What are those things you shouldn’t do in public? Let’s dive into this.
Don’t Do These In Public To Your Lover
1. Don’t talk down on your spouse in the public Avoid this as much as you can. Do not belittle yourselves before friends or family. Get the back of one another. Defend one another and then you can talk more later in the private.
2. Do not correct your spouse publicly. Correction can become criticism quickly depending on the scenario involved. Do not correct your spouse in the presence of friends and family. Wait till you are alone to make that correction.
3. Do not shut down or shout at your spouse privately or publicly. This is one of the things that hurt ladies most. Shouting them down. Avoid doing that to the one you love. And of course, it is more grievous when it is the wife doing that to her husband!
4. Do not make your spouse an object of a joke. Don’t try to be comical by using your spouse as the object of laughter. There is something defective about people laughing at your spouse based on something you said. It can hurt the bone. Simply avoid such. Don’t Do These In Public To Your Lover
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not embarrass my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay strong and focused on you
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase. (Job 8:7 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Keep giving, keep serving and keep rejoicing
Avoid These Mistakes In Marriage. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson are always at a loggerhead. They never agreed. Every statement is a sore point from where conflict arises and intensifies. “I don’t want peace,” “I don’t want peace,” the popular soundtrack on social media are the words that best describe their lives and marriage.
As Mr. And Mrs. Johnson sat before me in the office, I was able to find some habits that are the root causes of their constant imbroglio. It was a long therapy session, but we were able to identify the problems!
There are a few words of wisdom I offered to them. I have been married for twenty-two years and I will be fifty next month, so I have garnered a few things along the line. Below are some of the advice I gave them.
Avoid These Mistakes In Marriage 1. Do not report your spouse to your parents or in-laws. It wouldn’t always work out. Every parent is sentimental towards their children. It is just natural. The bias is as sure as your palms.
Emotions will flare, and there would be bias.
What happens mostly is that you report to them when there are issues, but you don’t call them back when you settle the issues. So they keep making up their minds over time. You keep feeding them with negative stories and you know what, words are so powerful. In no time, if they are not cautious, they will continue to regurgitate all you fed them with and that would be toxic to your marriage.
The only time you should report to parents is when it is only the parents that your spouse listens to.
As singles, you are not yet married, and you are already reporting each other to your prospective in-laws. It is not a good way to go.
It’s akin to one cooking food that he won’t be able to eat.
Avoid These Mistakes In Marriage
2. Do not report your spouse to your colleagues or boss.
If you do, the devil can take advantage of the situation and set you up for an emotional affair.
Once there is an emotional affair, you are only a few touches away from a full-blown adulterous affair.
The beak cake you don’t want to eat, don’t fry it! Reporting your spouse or your loved one continually is a breach of the covenant. Imagine someone hearing a one-sided story many times. The advice you will be offered will be imbalanced and the emotional dependency that will be created from such a relationship will be parasitic at the end of the day.
For singles, in courtship, how do you take advice about your relationship from a friend who is not in any relationship? Something is not quite right! Look for someone who has done what you are trying to do!
Avoid These Mistakes In Marriage
3. Do not manipulate your spouse emotionally
Once your spouse says something or does something that does not resonate with you, you simply shut down and withdraw to your shell.
It is more or less like breeding strife. The devil can take advantage of this type of emotional manipulation and wreak even more havoc.
This is not the right thing to do as it affects your prayer life!
Stay together!
May God bless your marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray to God to open your eyes
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 6:23 (MSG) For sound advice is a beacon, good teaching is a light, moral discipline is a life path.
When Your Lover Says These, Do Not Ignore. Mrs. Johnson became distracted and was falling in love with another man at her work place. She really loved God and yet she was sliding down the drain. She couldn’t believe it. Her mind was convoluted, and her emotions were like a roller coaster. She continually expressed her situation to her husband in very subtle statements, but her insensitive husband couldn’t decode the precarious situation.
On the other hand, George who was seeing Sandy was getting distracted by another lady. He tried getting attention of Sandy so as to fend off the new feelings, but Sandy did not have time for him, hence his vulnerability was amplified.
The reality is that statements made by singles in courtship or those married often show the depth of the trap within a relationship or marriage.
Even when you are not in any relationship as a single, your utterances can often reveal the kind of issues you have and that you need to address.
It happens all the time. Born again or not. Distractions set in. Traps come in various forms. Attacks in the mind and against the marriage are incessant.
Adulterous traps, akin to traps used to catch rats, are demonically placed all over. Snares, on almost every turn.
There are statements that your spouse or lover makes that show he or she is being distracted and needs your attention. Don’t ignore your spouse at such moments because you are needed to salvage the situation.
When Your Lover Says These, Do Not Ignore
What are those statements?
Here we go.
1. You don’t have time for me again
You are always around your spouse and yet he or she makes this statement? You need to pay attention lest somebody take your place emotionally. This statement is calling for you to make time available so your lover or spouse can have reassurance that will help deflect the new rush of feelings!
Do not ignore it!
Do not defend!
Do not argue!
Do not turn it into ridicule.
Just make time and have some deep conversations.
Let me drop a word for singles that are not in any relationship. When a single friend says this to you, he or she is trying to show interest and is weighing your reaction to know whether to pursue or retreat! Testing the waters!
So if you don’t like the person and you are not considering any commitments, you can reply with
“Which time now? I be your boyfriend / girlfriend?”
That is enough red light!
But if you really love the person, then you say something like this:
“Haba! You know that you are special to me, don’t you?:”
The person will get the green light to proceed.
When Your Lover Says These Do Not Ignore
2. You are far away from me When your spouse makes this statement, don’t take it lightly. Don’t fight or turn it into a quarrel. Listen to what is being said and what is not being said.
It is possible to be physically close to the one you love, and yet be far away emotionally. That is why couples who sleep on the same bed daily can often complain of loneliness. Sounds ridiculous? It’s the reality!
This person is telling you that the farther away you are, emotionally, the bigger the gap you leave for others to fill.
Married couples, prioritize your relationship with your spouse.
For those in a relationship, and not yet married, there is a twist to this statement. You need to find out if the statement is genuine or simply a call to give in to sex. Some tact and wisdom are needed here. Some decoding of words, and finding out of motives is required here.
When Your Lover Says These, Do Not Ignore. I will stop here and continue later.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not deceived
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, lead me in the right way!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 74:20 (MSG) Remember your promises; the city is in darkness, the countryside violent.
Killer Attitudes In Relationships And Marriage. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have not spoken to each other for one month! What? Are you whining me ni? And yet they are both praying daily! Don’t they understand?
There are the good days in marriage and those “bad” days when issues arise between married couples. There are days singles in courtship go out for ice cream, eat out, to cinemas, and all that and there are days calls are not picked up! Killer attitudes in relationships and marriage must not be allowed to seep in!
Wise couples make up their mind that nothing will come between them. Foolish couples gravitate to the times and allow situations to determine their joy.
It is wise to work together and get past “feelings!” It is a fool who fights and bickers over everything.
When the couple is financially buoyant, husband and wife are friends. When the finances are down, there is tactical withdrawal on one or both sides.
Love in marriage should not be based on what is available or what is not.
When either of the spouses starts feeling cheated, it is a fundamental and foundational issue whether they really love themselves genuinely.
If husband and wife have a mutual understanding that they are one, it becomes easier to handle these tense moments.
Selfishness has many flavours. The husband or wife is not complaining, but there is uneasy silence and withdrawal. At the end of the day, they often mess up their faith and their trust in God.
The devil loves such moments. He brings all kinds of suggestions and lies. But then, the devil has nothing to bring to the table except falsehood.
Oh, that husband and wife learn to be sensitive to these antics of the devil.
Be wise. Be prayerful. Never conclude and never think evil of your spouse.
Every time thoughts seep in that your spouse who has been good has suddenly become evil and wicked, know that the devil is at work.
You must be wise and learn to discern the antics of the devil and then reject them.
Singles, beware of sinful traps. These traps slow things down. They often hinder prayers! It is absurd to be praying and fasting for who to marry and at the same time you are giving your body out to hold down potential guys.
“If I no give am, wetin he want, he go leave me na!”
“Make in go na! Abeg!” In name be Abedne-go!
Dear singles, hear me, the one who really loves you will not insist on sex or trap you with sex! Both the guy or the lady can be guilty of this! There is a difference between sex, love, and lust!
Singles and Married, beware of self-deception. These are Killer Attitudes In Relationships And Marriage. You are in strife but you tell yourself all is well. Religious spirits collude with self-deception and there will be a shipwreck of faith. Fasting and prayer become a waste of time because the heart is not right.
Some of the things you get angry over are things that should bring out compassion in you towards your spouse of lover if you indeed love yourselves.
And in these vulnerable moments, know that the devil can easily set you in direct or indirect adultery.
Suddenly enjoying the company of the opposite sex at such moments shows that hell is strategizing over you. Going a step further into a discussion at emotional levels, laughing together, throwing banters at each other while you come home to your spouse grouchy and irritated are all orchestrations of hell to thwart God’s purpose, frustrate your prayers, and make you a loser at the end.
Be wise. Be sensitive. Be selfless. Be spiritual.
And what makes this even more intense, is that all prayers at such moments of tactical strife and buried irritations are truncated.
God looks into the heart. So, the scripture aptly says
Pro 4:23 (KJV) Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
What is going on in your heart?
Somebody who had a revelation of heaven said that our thoughts in heaven are louder than our voices on earth. If that is the case, what do you think you are saying to all of heaven in your thoughts? Would you be proud of them? Selah!
I pray that God will give you more understanding and strength to make needed changes. Let go of these killer attitudes and thank me later!
Be blessed in your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My heart is right toward my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
This Is Not Good For Any Marriage. Responsibility has been abdicated by Mr. Johnson! His wife has become the head of the house. As much as the wife thought she is helping out, an abnormality has crept into that home and it would impact all including the children. They would grow up to see an abnormality as the norm!
Sometimes, it is just the husband’s way of maintaining peace at home, but eventually, storms are gathering because God’s order is being violated. The fact that volcanic eruption has not taken place is not enough of an indication that molten magma is absent within the crust in all its fury.
What are the abnormal scenarios?
1. When the wife becomes the head of the house
Certainly, this is not good for any marriage.
A marriage in which the wife calls the shot is one that is trying to come against God’s order.
A marriage in which the wife insists on her own way of doing things all the time, disregards the leadership of her husband, and manipulates him into doing her bidding will not last.
Eph 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
It is simply not God’s order. Most of the time, husbands who allow such to pass and seem docile are involved in one compromise or the other. Their conscious abdication and docility are the price they pay for the unfaithfulness.
Sooner or later, you’ll discover that you cannot be wiser than God. This Is Not Good For Any Marriage
For singles, do not marry anybody who is lazy, laid back, unwilling to work, and unwilling to take responsibility. This is because this will continue or get even more intense after marriage! The accompanying frustration can hasten departure from this milieu.
2. When the husband abdicates responsibility
A marriage in which the husband refuses to play his role by just being irresponsible will be riddled with issues.
The role of the father cannot be over-emphasized.
Our regeneration needs men that would stand up to what God has called them to do!
The husband is to provide leadership!
Eph 5:23 (MSG) The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
The eyes are located in the head, hence, the sight faculty, the navigation system for the family, the compass, and direction all lie with the husband or father.
The moment this is not supplied, the family can actually get lost in the forest of abuses, absurdities, addictions, and more vile things! This Is Not Good For Any Marriage.
For those who are single, being responsible over you includes waiting for sex till after the wedding! When a party wants sex, by all means, something is not quite right. This will also play out in other areas of life. Being responsible is being able to delay gratification!
I will stop here this morning!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My relationship/marriage will be good
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, restore your joy back into my relationship/marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Tit 3:3-4 (KJV) For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. [4] But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be committed to your relationship / marriage
The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage. Just like a person can be diseased and wouldn’t show for a while, it is possible for a marriage to be unhealthy without immediate expression of the underlying problems. But there would be tell-tale signs. There are many of them, but we will take a look at a few of them this morning.
The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage
1. When there is no relationship with God
A marriage in which the couple has no relationship with God is sure to crack with time. You cannot build a home successfully without God.
Psa 127:1 (KJV) Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
It is only God that can turn a house into a home.
Don’t just have a relationship with God, build it, nurture it.
It’s the same for singles getting ready to meet their loved one or already in courtship. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t have a conscious relationship with God.
How do you know a person who doesn’t have a relationship with God? It’s too simple. His actions, words, choices, and priorities will reveal the kind of person he is.
You don’t just want a handsome guy, you also want a spiritual man. You don’t just want a lady with hot legs, her heart must be hot for God too!
It takes a man who really knows God not to slap or beat his wife! It takes a lady who knows God not to become a constant irritation to his husband!
2. When the couple is not accountable
An unaccountable couple is sitting on a keg of powder, waiting to explode any minute.
Life is all about wisdom, and every error and failure experienced is an expression of foolishness lurking within.
Accountability helps you to learn from older couples and those who have been where you are trying to be.
It is the most dangerous thing in this world to fall in love with someone who is not accountable! Singles that hath ears, let them hear now!
The sad part of a counseling session is always that part where this kind of conversation ensues:
“Who is his/her Pastor?”
“He doesn’t have a Pastor”
“What about his parents?”
“His parents can’t talk to him. He won’t listen”
“Does he listen to any of his friends?”
“None of his friends can talk to him.”
“Who does he listen to then?”
“He listens to nobody!”
The moment a guy or lady has disfranchised themselves from all authority figures, the moment they are isolated from any help, the moment they are disconnected from those that can speak into their lives, it is always a complicated situation! So you will do yourself a favour by considering only those who are accountable! If you are already married, ensure you sort this part of accountability lovingly, and prayerfully. May God help us all.
These are two of The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage. I will stop here this morning!
Good morning!
I will be 50 in October! Don’t forget to mention me in your prayers today…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I love you passionately.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, please set my heart on fire to love you passionately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 42:1 (KJV) As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Love your spouse passionately.
The Crazy Thing About “I Do” The day you walked down that aisle and said “Ido,” something happened. It’s almost crazy! Your body is no longer your own, it belongs to your spouse.
A fusion takes place in the realm of the spirit, which is so strong that God proclaimed, “let no man put asunder!”
God becomes the witness of this union, and any attempt to drive a wedge in between this union is coming against God Himself.
As couples who are believers, and well-grounded, the weapon of the devil against you is strategic.
If you are a weak believer with no firm resolve, he can easily bring adultery and infidelity to the table and you will be swept off your feet if you are far from God.
But with those who may be grounded, the devil still has strategies. His weapon is to keep you divided, torment you in your thoughts, and keep you perpetually in strife.
You are not in adultery, but in your mind, you are probably worse off.
This will affect the whole family because your thoughts are magnetic and will determine many things around you.
How will you pray and agree together when the mind of one of the spouses is riddled with doubt, contempt, and dislike for the other?
This is the devil. And you get to know this in little things.
Your spouse is easily excited talking to others but irritated when you are alone.
The friend you saw in your spouse as courting sweethearts has evaporated into thin air!
Sometimes, this shows up as singles in courtship too. Unexplainable and perpetual irritation from one party could be an indication of deep-seated issues.
Before you start blaming him or her, you should take responsibility first for where you find yourself, humble yourself and ask God to help you.
It is another problem entirely when you keep blaming your spouse for your own actions, neglect, and carelessness. That can be unfair and you will never change that way.
It is like a General Manager who keeps blaming his employees for losses and the employees who keep blaming the Manager for their ineffectiveness. That organization is in a quandary!
Stop the blame game! It is a trap of the devil.
See, there is no point wasting your time, there is much to do!
Why would you fast forty days and then use four days of strife to rubbish everything?
Why would you sow seeds for years and then pull them out with careless, selfish thoughts and words?
Common, get on the same page and combine your weapons against the enemy of your soul.
From the day you got married, you can no longer do it alone!
So, get over trivial issues, be it husband or wife, and be on the same page so that you can both enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings in your life.
As singles in courtship, you are simply dissipating a lot of power when you entertain strife continually!
May God bless your relationship, marriage, and home.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will cooperate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Devil, take your hands off my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 14:16 (KJV) Let not then your good be evil spoken of
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down what you love about your fiance/spouse and thank God for those things.
The Husband You Should Not Be. He is the wife-beater. He is the cheating husband. He is the Mummy’s boy. Someone once said the word husband means “He that binds the house together! House-Band! There are a lot of things to learn about how to be a good husband! Sadly enough, we were only taught animal “husbandry” in school.
Here is a list of The Husband You Should Not Be
1. The Wife beater
The wife-beater is the violent husband. He is short-fused, and so gets violent at any little provocation.
He is impatient and believes so much in using his fist. Somewhere in his mind, he believes a good slap is more effective than a conversation.
He probably grew up watching his dad beat his wife!
His wife lives in perpetual fear, not knowing when to talk or when to shut up.
If he has an equally aggressive wife, their home is always in chaos, settling one quarrel after the other. After a while, the neighbors don’t bother again. It becomes a usual ritual.
If he has a docile wife, he would feel he is being effective while in effect, he is losing it.
If he is a churchgoer, he blames his antics on the devil every time. Even the devil is amazed at how somebody can lie!
This cannot continue. God demands a change. That woman God gave you is to be cared for and cherished!
“Pastor, you don’t know my wife!”
“You are right. I don’t know her, but I do know the scripture! You are to love that woman!
Say Amen!
2. The cheating husband
The cheating husband, for whatever reason, has been enraptured in stolen waters. He is relishing in another man’s bread, and the scripture aptly says, it is indeed sweet for a while, but in a moment and without warning, it turns into the gravel in his mouth! He is bouncing on a bed that doesn’t belong to him and he would soon land where he never envisaged.
Pro 20:17 (KJV) Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.
The cheating husband will soon know that that there is a lot of shit in the cheat!
Adultery is the game of the foolish because of the obvious consequences involved.
Pro 6:32 (KJV) But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
The Message Translation says Pro 6:32-33 (MSG) Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; [33] Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.
It is simply not worth it
If you are a young lady involved with a married man, please, stop it. Such will always end in tears. Don’t slow yourself down. If you don’t know how to go about it, please call me and let me pray for you.
3. The Mummy’s boy The Mummy’s boy does nothing unless he tells his mum first. This can be very annoying to the wife.
There is nothing wrong with having a strong tie with your mum, but it is wrong when your mum comes between you and your wife.
It is absolutely wrong to discuss personal issues with your mum that your wife knows nothing about.
Mummy’s boy needs to change. Your mum is another man’s wife, and you are to focus on your own wife.
This can be a little bit challenging if the man is the only boy raised by his mum, the tie will be strong and the dependence will be massive. But lovingly, patiently and without any rash actions, there should be a gradual disconnection, not to abandon your mum, but in terms of prioritizing relationships.
Your wife comes first. And that is the Bible truth. Above is a list of The Husband You Should Not Be
I will stop here this morning.
May your marriage be blessed!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am strong in the Lord
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, take every indecison away from my life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 6:32 (GW) Whoever commits adultery with a woman has no sense. Whoever does this destroys himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Apologise to your spouse if need be
The Woman You Should Not Be. Mrs. Johnson is a high-energy, productive, choleric wife. Her husband always feel disrespected most of the time. Where is the balance between such a couple?
Wives should be sensitive and not usurp the authority in the house.
Here are the type of wives that need to exercise some caution in this area.
The Woman You Should Not Be 1. The Choleric wife
Cholerics are known to be energetic, sharp-mouthed, unemotional with words and actions, and can survive on their own.
They usually don’t need any encouragement to forge ahead.
They can be very independent and this can often lead to friction in the house.
The couple should learn to maximize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses. Usually, a choleric wife will be married to an opposite temperament, someone who is reserved, laid back, and probably an introvert.
The choleric wife should go out of her way to ensure she honours her husband at all times.
2. The Proud Career wife
A woman at the top echelon of her career can often become prideful if care is not taken.
The husband should be secure enough to let his wife go for the best and ultimate in her career.
There are husbands who can be so threatened by the progress of their wives. This is a wrong heart. Let her be, and let her go for the best. Give her wings to fly!
Much work lies with the wife in refusing to get proud of her achievements. The keyword is honour.
3. The stubborn wife
Some wives can be stubborn o! From counselling experiences, I have seen wives that would stand by their opinion even when you show them the scriptures. There are stubborn men as well o!
Stubborn wives don’t talk much, they just won’t budge. They will just be looking at you like Lucozade, but what they will do is what they will do.
This is not good as well. It is not beneficial for the prayer life of the couple. Anything that will engender strife should be flushed out of the home.
4. The manipulative wife
The manipulative wife has several weapons in her arsenal including crying, throwing tantrums, withdrawing, talking endlessly, refusing sex, and nagging, until she gets what she wants.
She always wants the man at her beck and call.
This may go on for a while especially if the husband is on the calm side, but one day, the hidden molten magma may give way to eruption. And this is not usually the best.
Every husband must strive never to get to the point of exploding.
5. The insistent wife Another type of the woman you should not be is the insistent wife who is hard, difficult, and doesn’t listen to anything apart from what she knows or wants.
Her major weapon is anger.
She always wants to be told what she wants to hear and she picks up quarrels with anybody that dares go against what she feels.
Her husband lives in perpetual fear of what could happen next.
This is a wrong attitude that could be detrimental to the marriage.
The problem is that what she knows is limited and what she wants can often be a wrong desire.
We are all a work in progress and nobody knows it all. Meekness or being teachable is a great virtue in marriage.
Husband and wife should strive to live considerably with one another.
Put yourselves in one another’s shoes.
The following verses are probably the best advice for the couple
WIVES
1Pe 3:1-2 (AMPC) IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, [2] When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
HUSBANDS 1Pe 3:7 (AMPC)
In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]
How To Get Out Of The Prison. Sally and Bode were so much in love, or so, Sally thought. She was looking forward to the wedding and settling to raise a family with Bode. Sadly, Bode had other plans. He led her on, to the edge of nowhere and led her soul hanging to nothing. All the while Sally thought it was a romantic journey, she ignored all the warning signs and now she has been lethally thrown into a dungeon of sadness and bitterness. Bode got married to another person!
On the day she saw the wedding pictures on Instagram, Sally lost it all. Her praise vaporized into thin air. Bitterness settled and she became angry at God.
The case of Mrs. Johnson wasn’t different. Ever since she discovered her sweet loving Christian husband was cheating on her, she couldn’t easily forgive. Her trust bowl was shattered, her fragile heart was ruptured, her gait was wobbled, her dancing feet were frozen, her laughter became a dirge and her praise was gone.
The devil had Sally and Mrs Johnson where he wanted them. Soul imprisoned!
David in the Bible was there too. He said in
Psa 142:7 (KJV) Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.
Every time you find it hard, difficult or impossible to praise God, the soul is in the prison. Every time your lips become heavy to praise God, the soul has been caught and shackled in the snare of the fowler. And when the soul is in that position, bountiful blessings will be impossible to receive.
Just like it’s impossible for a prisoner to have maximum benefit that life has to offer. His movement is restricted and he cannot meet great people. His choices are limited and his will are controlled and he must be under servitude. He can’t go on vacation and he can’t choose what he wants to eat. His life became regulated with force.
The Message Translation puts it this way:
Psa 142:7 (MSG) Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you in public. Your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!”
The dungeon of life is where you have ceased to give thanks to God.
How To Get Out Of The Prison
You must purge your soul of hurts, unforgiving spirits, bitterness, wounds, or just anything that hinders you from praising God continually.
You must find a place of forgiveness for those who dealt with you badly, cheated, jilted, deceived, and despitefully used you. You must find forgiveness for an erring spouse, and allow God to do His work. Hurts must not be allowed to hunt you down and wounds must not build mounds over your destiny.
Don’t allow anything to take your praise away! This is How To Get Out Of The Prison May God grant you more understanding.
Your relationship will not crash. Your marriage will not suffer a mishap!
I might look like this super amazon of a lady that has everything figured out, but there is a little girl in me that wants to be tantalized!
She wants you to be caring!
She needs you to be tender.
She doesn’t like it when you shout at her.
As singles in courtship, you must be careful that the TLC does not lead to bedroom! Keep the bed undefiled!
7. I want a lover-boy, not a lecturer or sermonizer
When she is tinkering with her moods, she needs you to lovingly find out what is happening and not lecture or sermonize!
It is not a classroom or church.
You are supposed to be a lover boy, not a lecturer or a pastor!
Sometimes, what your wife needs is just to know there is a husband who shows some understanding because she sometimes doesn’t even understand herself!
If you are still single and you have a lecturer or sermonizing lover, that is what will likely continue in the marriage. If it’s not something you like right now, it is in the order for you to go for counsel. Don’t walk down the aisle thinking all will just change overnight because you are now married.
8. I need you to whisper in my ears and taunt me lovingly
Your wife loves that a lot.
You just try it out.
Most husbands are too serious about reading Bible all the time or doing some office work at home.
Office work should be left at the office.
Have some family time and some “wife” time.
It would improve a lot of things.
Singles, no need to whisper anything, for now, you need more prayer whispers than ear whispers!
9. Concerning sex, make sure we both finish
This is strictly for married couples. Singles can just skip…lol
She doesn’t want to be abandoned along the mountaintop!
Sex for a man is a sure arrival.
For your wife, it is a gradual ascent, a mountain climbing, multi-orgasmic experience.
This requires a lot of skill and patience on the part of the husband to take it slowly and guide his wife to arrive before him!
10. I need you to find out my love language and speak it
Every lady has a love language.
Find out what it is and your wife’s peculiarity and simply stick with that language.
That way, you will be able to cultivate your love more effectively.
Singles, go ahead and do online tests to find what your love language is. It will stop all the language confusion at Babel of Tower and bring you into understanding one another as in the Pentecost experience.
May your marriage be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my wife genuinely
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, destroy every wrong spirit in our marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 5:7 (KJV) Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Plan a surprise for your spouse / lover
5 Deepest Desires Of Every Woman. The desires of ladies, women, and wives can be so amazing to men because of the male-female differences. Are you aware that men and women think and process differently?
1. Read My Body Language
Women love it when you can pick up everything about them. “How am I supposed to do that, when I am not the Holy Spirit?”
Well, it is about being sensitive and studying the one you claim you love and adore. Ladies are not sometimes good with words, but they are experts in non-verbal communication, so it can be painful when the husband in question is just insensitive!
A woman loves her husband to be able to sense her needs without having to communicate them!
So, husband, you’ve heard o!
However, ladies should communicate when it is obvious your husband is not picking up anything, it is better to talk than to suffer in silence.
5 Deepest Desires Of Every Woman
2. I need more foreplay Now, this is specifically for MARRIED women!
Husbands, learn to slow down so that your wife can always look forward to sex.
The lady requires more time for foreplay, much more than a man requires.
She may not say it, but that is the probable reason she is not enjoying the whole show as much as you would have wanted to. She needs an average of twenty minutes to be ready!
Singles ladies you don’t need foreplay for anything! You don’t need any play!
Follow this advice here:
Son 2:7 (MSG) Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.
It is clear from that scripture. Don’t stir anything up. All those making out, kissing, and smooching are nothing other than afflictions.
3. Tell me I am beautiful and mean it from your heart
By the time your wife asks you, “Am I beautiful? She had needed it so badly, she couldn’t help it.
As a good husband, part of your responsibility is to keep verbalizing and affirming your wife by telling her how beautiful she is and why you think she is beautiful.
Don’t just admire her in your heart, say it!
For singles in courtship, it is okay to use good words and proclaim what you want to see in your future wife. Words are powerful, so use them to your advantage.
4. Surprise me with gifts or outings
She loves gifts, especially shiny gifts.
A surprise from time to time will go a long way to show your love for your wife.
The gifts don’t have to be expensive, but consistent. This is applicable to both singles and married
5. Pray for me and fill me with confidence Every lady loves a praying man. A lady’s confidence and assurance that all will be well, skyrockets when her husband prays for her regularly.
There is this rest that will surround her like a shield and give her assurance for the future.
So, dear husband, pray for your wife regularly.
Singles, pray more that have fun all over the place. The cinemas, the beach visits, the outings, and the Ice creams are all good, but they should not be done at the expense of spiritual exercises like praying!
These are the 5 Deepest Desires Of Every WomanMay your relationship and marriage be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to love my lover/spouse more
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 3:7 (KJV) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I Will Always Love You, Dear. When you met that special one, butterflies were dancing Buga in your tummy. The exhilaration was palpable. Ecstatic moments jumbled into one another.
Few months after, all the butterflies were almost dead! What? What happened? The few butterflies that were barely alive, their wings were broken and alas, they could no longer fly! Their colours have turned monochromatic, the rainbow has disappeared. Cute little smiles and romantic chuckles that sent shivers down the spine have given way to frowns and snappy nasty body language and responses.
No more poems. The poet in him died and all inspiration simply expired. Flowers are no longer sold, and chocolates have been banned. Ice cream is now dangerous to health and no more time for Cinemas and romantic outings. No more candlelight dinners. The bulb was sufficient. No more car-door opening, and little kisses here and there. Chai!
Her dimples have melted and the smiles went a mile!
Singles alike in courtship were all over themselves but these days, one call per week is a luxury! What happened? Networks are misbehaving and salaries have not been paid. “I love you” became scarce and expensive, almost unavailable. What is going on here?
Well, every couple ought to have commitments to each other. These commitments should be verbalized, documented and recounted to each other from time to time. Consciously, deliberately!
What are some of these commitments?
Eph 4:2 (AMPC) Living as becomes you ] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another.
Here are a few of them
I will always love you, dear It should not just be something you say to fill in the gap of boredom, it should be a commitment that emanates from the heart.
This love should be unconditional. Love does not depend on attitudes, assumptions, or behaviors.
It is simply a commitment from a heart that is made up.
I will never cheat on you This particular commitment will advance your life and marriage in no small measure.
Adultery itself is a killer. It is a stupid sin because you are simply working against yourself in the event of an adultery.
That is why the scripture says that he that commits adultery lacks understanding
I will always be there spiritually
What a blessing it is to have a spiritual spouse! A spiritual spouse is not just a prayer machine, but a quick forever and one that does not harbour and pile up hurts and wounds.
Nothing in this world can replace a spiritually sensitive spouse who can pick signals from the frequency of heaven and who can feel the heartbeat of God.
How blessed are you if you are married to a spouse who is a God-chaser? I Will Always Love You, Dear If you above three qualities and commitments, the butterflies will keep on flying!
Have a great day
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will love my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to value and appreciate my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 4:2 (MSG) And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make the right decisions today
