In Love, But In Doubt! Sally is so much in love and yet her soul is engulfed in an Island of doubt. The contradiction is a source of confusion for her. How can I be in love and yet doubt holds me in the jugular, suffocating the life out of me with unending questions and anxieties?
The Johnsons are not spared. Mr. Johnson had just lost his job in the Oil and Gas sector and their finances had plummeted. Mrs. Johnson for the first time after their wedding began to question her choice and began to think her wrong choice could be what is sponsoring their present predicament. In Love, But In Doubt!
It happens all the time. You fall in love, you make commitments, and in some cases, wedding plans begin, and then like a mighty tornado from nowhere, doubt hits you like you hit someone with a sledgehammer.
I thought I was in love! Where is this doubt coming from? O Lord, help me!
It even gets more confusing when compromise or specifically, sex is involved. You hardly know what to do. On one hand, you think you love him or her, but when you think about your future together, a lump rises in your throat and a subtle fear meanders in the inner crevices of your mind.
Even married couples are not spared sometimes. You are already married, and really everything was okay until you had this huge financial storm that refuses to abate. Then you begin to entertain the question that you thought was never there or has long been settled; are we really meant for each other? Are we financially incapacitated because I am involved with the wrong person?
What do you do at such times? This is what we want to look at this morning.
First of all, at what points do doubts occur? Here are some:
In Love, But In Doubt!
1. A relationship is outside of God’s will and God needed to get your attention.
2. A relationship is actually God’s will, but the devil wants to confuse you so that you can step out of that will.
3. You have huge and sometimes unrealistic expectations and unfortunately, the expectations are far from being realized.
4. You are in a relationship and it is God’s plan for you, but somewhere along the line, you are caught in sex. The devil would usually bring guilt trips and if you stay habitually in the compromise, confusion will enter the soul and you won’t know your left from right.
5. You are not informed and you are ignorant of your basic spiritual rights, you will easily get confused and yield to doubt.
6. You start a relationship or courtship without seeking God’s will. That conviction would not be there and doubts would have an upper hand.
7. You sought direction about your marriage from some prophet without a personal adventure in seeking God’s face.
8. You go into a relationship or marriage in order to escape from something. After your escape, then you start asking whether you really love the person.
9. All your mentors, pastor, and even parents are against the wedding except you. Doubt will surely come eventually.
10. Marriage is not all about roses and flowers, when the thorns show up, they usually come in the basket of doubt.
The next thing is “will one ever get to a place in life where doubt is completely extricated and will never occur again?” Like take a gun and shoot doubt forever and ever?
Well, the answer is a big NO. Doubt will still come, whether you like it or not. But it is now your choice to discard it or embrace it.
How do we deal with doubt and how can it be prevented?
I will continue from here tomorrow. In Love, But In Doubt!
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover. The Johnsons couldn’t forget ahead. Things had fallen apart and the center could no longer hold. The butterflies have all lost their wings and died and the goose pimples deactivated. Love had moved fast from a haven into hatred zone! They had broken all the laws and the consequences are rushing at them like an angry wind. What were their mistakes?
Today, we continue from where we left off.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
3. Don’t allow anybody to live with you without the agreement of your spouse
If your spouse is not in support, your merciful acts can quickly turn into regrets. Many marriages are under tremendous pressure because the wife is not only taking care of her husband but several siblings at a time. Issues will necessarily come out of this. I usually tell couples, do not allow anybody to live with you in your first few years after the wedding! You need to focus on each other and you don’t need any distractions!
Amo 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Singles, never pack into your partner’s house when you are not yet married. You will lose your respect and things might not turn out well because you are walking in disobedience to God. You will become a small Mummy, cooking, washing, and offering sex while you are not yet married. Nothing is more debilitating than that!
4. Don’t oppose your spouse openly Don’t build walls against yourself.
Eph 4:15 (KJV) But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
If you must correct your spouse, don’t do it in the presence of his friends and colleagues, you might end up adding more to the issue. However, you can always have a confidant with whom both of you agree you should discuss because there are times you really need to pour your heart out.
Singles, it is a dangerous signal if you are accountable to no one in courtship and nobody can speak into your life. It is a very risky game!
The moment your lover is unacceptable and can’t be reported to anybody, there is a red flag, so red you shouldn’t miss it.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
5. Don’t get close to others other than your spouse Be your spouse’s friend and never allow anybody to come in between you. There are Delialahs, Jezebels, Amnons, Jonadabs and so on. The moment you know, and you always know that you are getting up close and emotional to someone apart from your spouse, cut it off, or else you will soon be in serious problems.
The moment you can hide things from your spouse, it is the beginning of problems. The moment you can discuss your spouse with colleagues and they discuss theirs with you, you are going too far. The devil will set a trap. Avoid distractions. Double dating is not scriptural for singles.
As singles, never attempt to make your fiancee happy by compromising your virtues. You will never be able to secure a relationship by offering sex, you will actually jeopardize the relationship because you are violating God’s principles. Sex does not prove your love, it shows your ignorance because every time you offer your body to secure a relationship, you always lose the man or the relationship! These are What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
Single Or Married, Avoid These! One man was looking intently at his wedding certificate for hours. After he was asked why did that, he said he was searching for the expiry date! Well, marriage will not expire, there is no reverse gear.
Another man was watching his wedding video, but this time in rewind! He saw himself remove the ring, majestically walked out of the church, entered his car, and drove off. He wanted to do that in real life, but no way!
Marriage is a haven, not an oven. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. The devil knows the power at your disposal as a married couple. That is why his intention is to throw a monkey wrench at your stuff. There are some precautions you can take in order to ensure that you are one with your spouse and that the power of agreement is not broken.
Singles must learn these principles as well so that their relationships and courtship can work out well. The Christian life is not hard to live, in fact, it is when you don’t follow God that things get messy. That is why Jesus Christ said his yoke is easy, learn about it, it is easier that way.
Mat 11:30 (KJV) For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 1. Don’t insult or abuse yourselves on account of someone else. Preserve your marriage by respecting your spouse. Words are so powerful that your life gravitates in the direction of your utterances.
Don’t use negative words on each other! Don’t keep saying and repeating the things you don’t want to see, rather keep saying what you want to see in your spouse and family and you will have what you say!
Mar 11:23 (AMPC) Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.
In one of the open visions that Papa Kenneth Hagin had, Jesus told him, “my people are saying what they have rather than say what they want to have!” (Para-phrase)
Keep saying your exceptions, not your experiences. It is a powerful principle of life.
Most singles in courtship also break up because of this exact reason. This is because, for men, respect is a major issue. Every man is egocentric, and you shouldn’t try to bruise that ego, single or married. Speak into your wedding day, and your marriage, and say the right words.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore obvious issues, for example, character issues. This should be confronted and counsel sought!
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 2. Don’t equip others against yourselves. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg. You are one in marriage, and that is how God sees it. Support your spouse always. Don’t keep weakening each other!
In the same way, in courtship, once you see your partner is always against you in and out, it is a sign that there is a deeper problem to confront. How can you be in courtship and all you do is fight day in, and day out? That is not good material for the foundation of your marriage. What exactly is causing the issues? They should be addressed and confronted and not used to glide or surf into marriage!
Single Or Married, Avoid These!
I will stop here today and conclude tomorrow! Have you registered for Singles Camp Meeting yet? Remember we have limited space and we will stop registration once we have space filled up. Find info below on how to register!
More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs is a continuation of yesterday’s topic. Sally was in love with George who is not in love with her. That can be debilitating. The Johnsons are dealing with an adulterous issue, made worse by the neglect of Mr. Johnson.
What are the More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else.
As single ladies or guys, when a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you. What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up canceling their destinies.
4. When you are convinced that your supposed friend understands you better than your spouse.
You have crossed the line and you are about to desecrate your marital covenant if you do so. As singles, if any married person ever verbalize such lies to you, that he wished he had married you before meeting his wife, it is time to use your legs and run away, otherwise, you might be cooking the kind of food you don’t want to eat! Or he tells you that you are so caring and understanding unlike his spouse, don’t believe such lies. It is usually an attempt to have an inroad into your emotions and eventually get in between your legs!
Don’t sit down there sheepishly listening to such gibberish, stand up and take charge of your life and destiny by running away. You see when the Bible says “Flee,” it is not the time to say, “Let’s reason together.”
There are situations where you don’t need to speak in tongues, you just need to run, because even the angels have escaped because they don’t want to behold evil!
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs. Sally was long gone in falling in love and emotionally entangled with George, and yet George kept claiming they are just friends. Sally was like ice cubes exposed to the sun each time she is around George. She would simply melt and become fidgety at the sight of George.
George could see this and continued to exploit her emotionally by even becoming more nice and available for her, without making any commitments. Sally couldn’t help herself, her love canvas is shattered, and splattered with images of George!
In the same vein, the Johnsons were not having a great time as Mrs. Johnson found herself in a contradictory love triangle, emotionally intertwined with her boss at work. How did she get to that point without knowing as a child of God? To make it worse, her husband is constantly fighting her and being insensitive. It is as though hell scripted the plot, as she found herself sliding down the adulterous abyss, her husband in no sight to pull her out. The time she needed him so much was the time he neglected her too much!
Her voice, calling out to George from the abyss, “I need help dear!” Help me! But George was too preoccupied with his work and too insensitive to hear her drowning voice. His silent treatment is further silently increasing her vulnerability!
There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person.
This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away. Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
At what point did that single sister become your counselor? It’s the pathway to adultery!
For singles, you are always talking deeply, sharing secrets, and advising each other and you say you are just friends? Face it, it’s already emotional! When troubled, you are the first person to be called, and you seem to always bring peace to the troubled soul…Hmmm… you are both in love joor!
2. When you catch yourself fantasizing or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse, you are traveling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later. That close friend has found his way into your thoughts right in the bedroom and you are just friends? You are beginning to conjure her image so you can enjoy intimacy with your spouse and you are just friends? Nay, thou are not just friends!
As singles, you say there is nothing between you and yet he is the last person you think about, and the first person that slides into your thought’s DM? Even God no dey get space like that again! Una don dey in love, biko!
I will stop here this morning!
Tomorrow, I will conclude on How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
