There are many areas where you need to understand your wife, but there are four critical areas I want to mention this morning.
Understanding these areas will help you to understand your wife better.
Understanding your wife better will bring peace and tranquility into your home.
What are some of these areas?
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
1. Understand her love language
Her love language is her password!
Language is so powerful that when God wanted to deal with man’s wrong ambition in Genesis 11, all He did was to confound their languages.
“And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” (Gen 11:6-7, KJV
There are four love languages. These include
a. Words of Affirmation – saying the right words.
b. Quality Time – spending time with her
c. Gifts – buying her gifts regularly
d. Acts of Service – helping out at home
e. Physical Touch – touching her regularly
I will not be able to expatiate on this now, but your wife will respond mostly to one or more of these.
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
2. Understand her temperament
Her temperament is the reason she acts the way she does.
There are four basic temperaments.
These include
a. Sanguine – Appealing personality, Talkative, Storyteller, Life of the party, Good sense of humor
b. Choleric – dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant
c. Phlegmatic – easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed
d. Melancholy – thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts
Usually, she would have a blend of two of these.
Understanding these will help you better to manage weaknesses and strengths. You will be able to minimize weaknesses and harness strengths.
You are a vital part of that marriage. Discover yourself. Who are you? What are your desires, what makes you come alive, what makes you enjoy living? Love yourself. Be a happy you.
As singles, discover yourself and your purpose in life. Find out why you are here before venturing into marriage.
2. Focus on your lover or spouse
As a married person, the most crucial human being on earth is your spouse. Begin to treat him /her as such. Let nothing absolutely come in between that. Let the whole world know, your spouse is so important to you.
Some people treat their wives like ‘one kobo’ and expect her to treat them like ‘ a million dollar’, it ain’t gonna work that way.
Seize every opportunity to let everyone know this one human being is number one on your list.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
3. Focus on God
This is the most important of all. Now, it will be very foolish to want to focus on yourself and your spouse and leave God out. It can not work. God is the center that holds the pieces all together. God is the vital force that crowns all our efforts with success.
4. Focus on your strength
You have strengths. Whether it’s your beauty, your home-making skills, your intellect, your being jovial, whatever it is, focus on it. It’s your selling point in your marriage. Don’t let go of your strong points.it is what will make your spouse keep coming back to you.
5. Focus on minimizing your weaknesses
Don’t ever make the mistake of pretending your weaknesses don’t exist. Please don’t ignore them. Your weaknesses have the potential of destroying the marriage you are building, so destroy your weaknesses before they ever destroy your marriage.
Focus Unleashed: Six Strategies
6. Focus on satisfying yourselves
Why should you spend your energy, time, and money on trying to please or satisfy another man’s wife? That’s called wastage.
Don’t go into an unprofitable venture. Ask yourself, if I satisfy her, how does it add to me or make my own marriage better?
Tend your own garden. When it’s harvest time, you won’t go and harvest on another man’s farm. It is not your own, so focus and build your own marriage.
Pro 12:11 He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.
This three-word sentence is very profound because there is an element of decision and acceptance.
These two elements are very important to the survival of any marriage. The element of the decision will help every couple realize that their choice to marry who they are married to, is a decision that cannot be changed.
I usually tell engaged people, on your wedding day, your guests will enjoy the food and leave afterward but you will have to live with your choice till death do your part. That’s why it is advisable not to fall in love blindly. In marriage, love is not blind at all.
Once you are married to your spouse, your decision is signed and sealed. There is no point in trying to change things. What should be aimed at is working at enjoying your decision.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
The second element is acceptance. When you say, ‘I married You’, you are being specific with no option of comparing your spouse with another. You married your spouse, with their strength, weaknesses, struggles, past, present, and future together.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant journey. Once you are in it, you have to keep at it. Make every effort to make your journey together worthwhile and fun. There is no point in enduring hurts and offenses. Make up your mind to enjoy your marriage all the way. Your enjoying your marriage is not dependent on your situation, it’s dependent on your decision.
Here are five things that will help you in your ‘decision and acceptance’ of the person you married.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
1. Never compare your spouse
Your spouse is unique in his/her own special way. Your spouse can never be like the other person. Your spouse is manufacturer specific. You can not change her, you can only influence them positively.
2. Never secretly prefer another person to your spouse
This is a secret sin. It is dangerous so try it. Whatever happens in mind will happen in time.
3. Never believe the lie that your spouse is nothing to desire or admire
What you appreciate will get better. Shower accolade and appreciation on your wife or husband. Your spouse is your own, why do you leave yours to focus on what is another man’s?
4. Never leave God out of your marriage
Marriage comes with its challenges, it’s only the God factor that makes a great difference. When God is made the center of your marriage, He teaches you how to be merciful to your spouse’s weaknesses and live peaceably with each other in love.
5. Never stop loving your spouse
In marriage, love is both an action word and a noun. The more you love your spouse, the more you see and experience love.
Love is an unending circle, it’s meant to keep going round and round. When you sow love, you reap love and it keeps on.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter. Truth be told, pressure is one of the things that take away joy, gladness, and of course laughter from our marriages.
When we allow the pressures of life, it has a toll on our marriages. Couples become mere house or roommates.
Only important conversation ensues between them and there seems to be no time for extra curricula activities, not to talk of laughter. There is tension and everyone is uptight.
The marriage becomes very boring and reduced to a motion of routines. Remember our minds are vital parts in making our marriages blissful. However, the devil’s aim is to get our minds preoccupied and downcast with different kinds of pressures.
The danger in allowing pressures without finding ways to handle them is that, they lead to other issues.
Un-handled pressures can lead to unnecessary anger, harsh words or reactions, keeping late nights, trying to ease off tension with ungodly friends, risk of emotional attachment with the opposite sex, inconsistent fellowship with God, lukewarmness in things of God e.g., not attending church services, overreacting to kids or house helps, mental and physical tiredness, emotional vulnerability etc, the list goes on and on.
But, in the midst of life’s pressure as a couple, you must learn to hold on to each other for spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial support.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter
This is the best time to be a pillar of support for each other.
Here is when your kindest words of appreciation and encouragement are needed.
At this time, love making becomes needed and not just wanted, as a means of ministering to each other. Music, especially worship becomes also very useful at such times.
This is the best time to be strong for each other. It is time to show your allegiance in very obvious and practical ways.
This is not the time to make unreasonable demands and demand for your right. This is the time to manage with the best of your skills, especially as a wife, and carry the children along to bear with the situation.
This is the time to have regular confessions together as a family.
God’s word is spoken to the atmosphere as a way of calming the storm and releasing angelic activities and assistance.
In being creative with bearing with the situation, you have to know how to spice up your home with laughter.
Laughter becomes both therapeutic and healing. It does not cost money but its value at such times is invaluable.
You try with the help of the Holy Spirit to remain joyful because the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Laugh at yourself, laugh at the situation, because you know it will soon come to pass.
Remember,
Ps 2:4 ‘ He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh, the Lord shall have them in derision.
When you learn to laugh, you bring God’s power into your situation.
You release God’s grace on your behalf.
Your focus shifts from the present situation to the ability of God to change and turn things around.
You begin to trust in God’s Mercy and draw strength from the throne of Grace.
Your fellowship with God is restored as you begin to see Him as your only source of Help and hope.
Then you will begin to truly know Him as your Shepherd, which leads you beside still waters and restores your soul.
May you find such refreshing in your marriage in times of pressure in Jesus’ name.
Exploring Her Bedroom Wishlist 2. I started on this yesterday and will continue from where I left off. What does your wife want?
2. Sweet nonsense Your wife wants you to whisper in her ears. She obviously prefers that to a silent, no-single-statement kind of thing.
She wants to hear you say a lot of good things about her and when you do so, you will see she is not really frigid as you might probably be envisaging.
Words mean a lot to ladies. And you must be skillful enough to use the words rightly. One wrong statement and you will just lose her.
One right statement and she is all yours. However, your words will mean nothing if it is only during love making you say those things.
She would feel you are speaking from your head and not from your heart.
She would feel you never meant those words, that you are just saying them because of what you want from her.
Basically, those words you whisper in her ears in bed cannot stay in space, they have to be carved upon the platform of the words you already said to her during the day, through texts, phone calls, and whatever means.
3. Essence of her beauty
Lastly, she probably wants to know why you always say she is beautiful.
Explaining that to her in one statement words would fire her up
If you don’t do some of these, you would think your wife has no libido, whereas, it is just that you have not unlocked it.
Words of admiration for your wife from your heart are like passwords! I will have to stop here!
I pray that God will grant more understanding in Jesus’ name!
