Emotional availability is necessary for a good relationship or courtship to lead to marriage and also for a good marriage to work out.
However, there are a lot of ladies and young men who are emotionally unavailable and yet are praying desperately to get married. It is not going to work like that.
It is like somebody praying to graduate without going to school. That would never happen without the first.
You can be emotionally available without messing up. You can be emotionally available without being taken for granted and desecrated by sexual opportunists.
Emotional availability is necessary for a healthy relationship that will lead to marriage.
One of the greatest love mishaps is to fall in love with an emotionally unavailable person. It is an affliction of the soul and it is a waste of time.
How do you spot a person that is not available emotionally?
1. He is cooling off
His hands have just been burnt in a past relationship. His heart has just been broken in a former relationship where he or she has given all his heart but is heavily disappointed.
That person is simply emotionally unavailable.
His love or her love is ambidextrously intertwined with the old and the potential new.
It is like drinking a melange of old and new wine. The alcoholic consequence will culminate in a collateral damage.
The emotions are confused and he or she is still smarting from the love that went sour. The taste is still left in his mouth and taste buds are numb from experiencing the new.
In his or her subconscious, there is still a wish that the old should have worked out. He or she is still missing out on something or he thinks something is still missing.
It even gets worse if they had been sexually involved, and the illegal cementing of the souls complicate issues.
The way out is always never to jump into a new relationship as a way to numb his pain.
A person who just broke up and is still hurt still has his or her emotions in a confused state and such a person is simply not available to begin a new relationship.
I always advocate that a minimum of six months should be given before you move into another relationship.
This will enable a proper emotional severing and disconnection, a time of healing and cleansing of the soul and preparing the soul for the new.
God is always a good God.
When a relationship breaks up or doesn’t work out, God will always give a new direction but it is not something you should rush into!
So before you fall in love and allow unnecessary butterflies to start to flap their wings, are you emotionally available?
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be a wreck to my lover
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be emotionally stable
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 14:17(MSG) God’s kingdom isn’t a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness’ sake. It’s what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Heal from the past before moving to the next
This is one of the questions people ask in our couples’ meeting. They want to know how to handle a spouse that you seem to be doing everything possible yet they seem not to be responding to your efforts.
They often leave their spouses frustrated and sometimes some of them think of a separation or divorce.
Your spouse could be difficult in so many ways. Couples have very different personalities. We are born to different cultures, we have different ways of viewing situations and interpreting them, in short, we have different ways and methods of doing everything. Including how we eat, talk, dress,
All these could and much more could lead to one spouse frustrating the other.
I know it’s difficult when your spouse is frustrating you. You have to develop staying power and not give up on your spouse. If the tables were turned around and you are the one that has issues, you will want your spouse not to give up on you.
Here are a few hints that will help
1. Pray
When you have a spouse that is difficult you have to pray because only God can change a person. It takes God to step in and visit the heart and make it right again. Most issues we face in marriage are as a result of habits we develop a long time ago. Some of these issues also have a spiritual root. When we pray we are taking the matter to the creator who can create a permanent change. We pray what we want to see, we don’t pray about the problem. We pray scriptures as the Holy Spirit gives us utterance.
Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. – Mar 9:23
2. Patience
You have to know that the problems will not be solved in a day. There are a lot of things that will be unlearnt in the process and it takes time. God is working behind the scenes and He doesn’t do magic, He works by His principles. You have to give your spouse time to change and expect the change too soon. He or she will change eventually if you don’t give up too soon. Keep trusting God and you will see your heart’s desires.
But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. – Rom 8:25
3. Do your part
You have to keep doing your own part of the marriage while you expect your spouse to change for the better. You don’t stop your part of the covenant. The covenant has to be serviced so that God can honor the marriage.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
And now let me speak to the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing – 1Pe 3:1
4. Get a counselor
When a crisis arise, you have to seek help in the right place, from the right people, and at the right time. It is not the issue that is a deal it is who you talk to when things are not so good.
Some people will have talked to everybody except the person anointed to help them. God anoints people to help us solve problems. Don’t talk to your parents, friends, a colleague at work, people in the church, your family, your spouse’s family, lawyer, etc.
Talk to a good counselor preferably a pastor. Let him put the issues together by God’s Grace and anointing on his life. He will not always tell you what you want to hear but he will put the situations together.
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out – Pro 20:5
May God grant us Grace and give us strength in difficult times.
God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will cooperate with my spouse
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Pray for your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief – we’re not oblivious to his sly ways! (2Co 2:11 MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read the devotional meditatively
How do you face rejection, especially when it is coming from a loved one? Let’s look at the story of Tosin.
‘Don’t sit there!’ a harsh voice said behind Tosin as she was about to sit on the chair. It was Mariam, a year older than her and the leader of the popular girls at the tutorial center.
‘Why?’ Tosin asked, masking the feeling of rejection inside her with a pleasant smile, as she turned towards the approaching Mariam.
‘Because you’re not in our group’ Mariam replied, swiping Tosin from head to toes with her eyes. Her little entourage at her heels did the same to Tosin, giving cruel smiles and chuckles as they passed her and took the row of seats.
Tosin managed to find a seat somewhere but held her head high as she did so.
Rejection is hard on children because it screams out to them you are not wanted, needed, beautiful, important, or worthy of love.
Psalm 27:10 ‘Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me’. (NIV)
God doesn’t love us because of who we are, what we have, where we live, our parents, or for any other reason. He loves us just the way we are.
The bible says He first loved us. He loves us so much he made the earth for us, gave us air to breathe, the sun to shine and so much more the earth contains.
And He will never reject us. He promised to always love us. Even if others reject us, he won’t.
So children, know that God loves you. Even if the world rejects you for any reason, God will never do so.
As you go about your daily activities, thank the Lord for his unconditional love towards you.
It is good to follow the peace of God in your heart and not just your flesh.
It is good to stay in joy in the Holy Ghost; which is expressed always with your shout, dance, laughter, and singing.
This is how you get into the kingdom. This is how you get a spouse in the kingdom.
It is not just in spending unnecessary money all over the place. It is not just in making a decision because you saw the hips.
This thing goes beyond the pulchritude. It extends beyond the externals. It is not in partying all over the place, it is never in meat and drinks.
The believer that will get anywhere in God must be disciplined. Fast at least once a week. Leave the meat and the drinks alone.
How do you tell me you are a child God and you do all the alcohol, you smoke, party, and you do all that the unbeliever do? Something is not quite right there!
You may succeed in hiding the masturbation, pornography, and all the secret sins from your pastor, but those sins are so loud in heaven! And that is where your blessings come from, not from your pastor.
Do you want to please your pastor while you don’t care what God thinks? That is dangerous!
Fear God o!
Your thoughts are louder in heaven than your voice on earth! The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
The hips, the lips, and the trips are really important but never concentrate on that alone at the expense of God. When you leave God out, you are inviting crisis and storms.
You can live right with the help of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to help you!
Then, take decisions. You cannot be asking the Holy Spirit to help you from sexual sin and then on Friday, you pack your load to go and spend the weekend in his place! That is mocking God and His word! And it is not a good place to be.
Your prayers must be backed up by tough decisions. Tough decisions about your destiny!
Some numbers must be deleted. Some associations must be severed.
You keep saying she is the one seducing you and yet you keep visiting her every night. No, you are the seducer o!
You have been in several relationships. All of them were sexual. All of them broke up. The pattern is clear enough! Stop ignoring the obvious and take charge of your destiny.
It is not only sex that can lead to breakups. There are relationships that were non-sexual and yet broke up!
It could be you rushed into it, it could be your attitudes, it could be anger problem, and it could just be that is not God’s best for you.
There are good men that could be wrong men for you. There could be a good lady, and yet she is the wrong one for you.
The baseline is to get close to God. The Holy Spirit will lead you through His peace in your heart.
Leave the meat, drink, fun, and all of that for a while and concentrate on the threefold cord that runs through the kingdom of God.
May God give you more understanding in Jesus name!
We break the power of iniquity in your life in the name of Jesus. I release God’s peace, shalom, nothing missing, nothing broken, to surround you in Jesus name!
I pray that the joy of the Lord is yours today and forevermore!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I refuse to mock God in any way
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to live with your fear in mind
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 14:17(MSG) God’s kingdom isn’t a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness’ sake. It’s what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy.
Ever since the fall of man from grace and God’s Glory, man has been involved with one form of struggle or another. Especially in marriage, man has lived to deal with numerous challenges. Most of these challenges and struggles have left our marriages less than the original intention in God’s heart for marriage.
The picture in God’s heart for every marriage is for both man and woman to live like the trinity, like the Godhead, in perfect unity.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. – Gen 1:27 (KJV)
The concept of unity is the original intention of God in marriage. Where this picture or intention is not known, struggles and disunity will be experienced.
Most of us struggle in our marriage and experience heartaches. Spouse cheating, adulterous affairs, spouse not being open, hiding from each other, cold, financially unfaithful, unfriendly, egoistic, dead spiritually, not meeting each other’s needs, lack of intimacy, lack of love and respect, emotional adultery, and so on.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
Not having the original picture that God had in His heart is what brings about all these struggles in marriage.
To put an end to all struggles in marriage, we need to engage the help of the Holy Spirit in helping us see the right picture as was in God’s heart in the beginning. We have to go back to the original intent in the heart of the Father.
Yes, every other thing we try to do will make meaning only after we have a revelation of the Oneness concept.
A blissful marriage is possible. Not that you will not have your differences or different opinions, you will still have because you are different and differently made to fulfill and occupy different roles.
The only way to enjoy peace and harmony is to get back to God’s original intention and God will help us all in Jesus mighty name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will not be an adage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, restore my marriage to the original mandate.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 1:28 {MSG}God blessed them: Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Go back and study God’s plan for your marriage.
