I will be addressing the issue of how husbands and wives can handle stress in marriage thereby creating a more cordial and intimate atmosphere together.
I will be writing about this topic “Stress in marriage” for some days so let enjoy the ride together.
Yesterday I wrote on
1. Financial pressure
2. Handling in-laws
And today
3. Comparison trap
Bible tells us they that compare themselves with themselves are not wise.
In the NLT we have another translation:
Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with reaching other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! 2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT
It is clear from the scripture that end result of comparison is usually not palatable. Why is this? Because it is a futile effort. It is wasting precious resources of time and energy. There are no basis for comparison.
Some people compare their spouses, children, jobs, possessions, cars etc When you form the bad habit of comparing you compare everything and anything.
Everybody is uniquely different, on a uniquely different journey, on a different time table in life and destiny.
We are all from different background with different circumstances.
When you compare, you introduce stress into your marriage. It produces a strain in your relationship. So stop comparing.
4. Doing beyond our selves.
This is like stretching ourselves beyond what we could do naturally. We need to be true to ourselves. Being truthful and sincere to ourselves is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Where you know and accept your limits and you know your boundaries. You know the stage you are in, enjoy the stage not allowing anybody to push you beyond where you are.
Knowing what stage you are makes you aspire higher knowing that men are in sizes.
As couples, don’t forget we will all go through 3 stages on our married life. Seasons of not enough, Just enough and more than enough.
When you are in your season of ‘just enough’, don’t let people push you to doing like you are in more than enough season
I will stop here for today
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Who do you fall in love with? I will address that by telling you who not to fall in love with. You see, everybody has a purpose in your life, and when you fail to discern that purpose, it will lead to abuse or you end up being abused.
1. Don’t fall in love with the same sex
Now, forget about all the propaganda and agitation going on around the world, this lifestyle is clearly forbidden in the scripture. It was specifically mentioned in the scriptures as unnatural. How can you fall in love with same-sex and then devise means of sleeping together?
Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn’t know how to be human either––women didn’t know how to be women, men didn’t know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men––all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it––emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches (Romans 1:26-27 Message)
It is a practice you must not dabble into as a child of God and if you are already into it, you must seek help immediately. I minister around in churches and when I make altar calls for people with these issues, I am amazed at how such lies and perversion have crept into churches. I once had to do training for certain denominations on how to handle this kind of scenario when a committed member is suddenly discovered as living the gay lifestyle.
Now listen to me, when you start finding yourself attracted to the same sex and with sexual feelings, don’t ever accept the lie of the devil that you were created that way. God is not an author of confusion. Male and female created he them. There is nothing like Adam and Steve or Eve and Eva!
2. Don’t fall in love with your pastor
A lot of ladies like their pastors. It is understandable because he is anointed and you hear him all the time while he is covered with God’s glory. In fact, the scripture says anointing attracts!
Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. (Song of Songs 1:3 KJV)
But you need to understand that your pastor is another woman’s husband! You can like him, but when that likeness is bothering on obsession, and you are falling in love, it is time you caution yourself.
You also need to understand that your pastor is first of all a man before he is a man of God. He has all the strengths and weaknesses as well. He does not live in heaven. When you have been going for counsels every day, and you are falling in love, and your pastor is enjoying your presence daily, it is better to withdraw because there are counsels that can cancel a man’s destiny.
When you know you have developed feelings for your pastor, what are you still doing with him every day in a counseling session that has not finished? You need to help yourself and help your pastor as well. In fellowships on campuses, care must be taken particularly not to use your position to defile people you are meant to lead.
3. Don’t fall in love with your lecturer
In your bid to pass an examination, don’t end up in the bed of your lecturer. There are no ways you want to explain it, it is a dangerous trend to take.
4. Don’t fall in love with your sibling
You won’t be able to get married to your sibling, so why indulge in unnecessary games and tell yourselves you are in love? If you have been sexually involved with a sibling or you still involved, that is what the Bible describes as incest. Even society frowns at it. You can go to God and ask Him to forgive you and He will forgive once you are genuinely repentant.
5. Don’t fall in love with a minor.
Those feelings you have for a three-year-old or a five-year-old child are demonic and you need to seek help so that you don’t end up becoming an abuser and end up messing up that child’s life. Leave that little cousin alone! Leave that innocent niece alone and stop kissing her all the time! Stop putting her on your laps! You need to confront yourself.
Be real with your feelings because it doesn’t happen in one day, it is progressive. That is why the Bible says judge yourself that you not be judged.
6. Don’t fall in love with your parents’ age mate
Don’t fall in love with a married man who is as old as your father or a woman who is as old as your mum because of the mammon spirit. Promises of going to Dubai, shopping in London, allowance of hundreds of thousands every month are not worth the agony and regrets that will later follow a person that gives his or her body out as a commodity! Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost; it is not something to trade for money. How would you be another woman’s headache, sleeping with her husband, and then think you will have God’s support?
If everything is about seed and harvest, what then will happen to your own home? The next time he comes telling you that you are the one he loves, tell him he is not only lying, but he is lying in state. Tell him to go keep his money and go back to his wife. That is how to live right and trust God as your provider and stop looking at a mere man as your Jehovah Jireh!
7. Don’t fall in love with an unbeliever
Don’t fall in love with a man or a lady that does not know God. Don’t even pray about it, because it won’t work out and God will not answer that prayer. Don’t bother to say you will convert him or her because you are not the Holy Spirit that converts. You have not even converted yourself!
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 Message)
8. Don’t fall in love with an abuser
Finally, but not exhaustively, don’t fall in love with an abuser! Why would you stick with the one that is constantly abusing you physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally? Why stick with the one that you know is in it for the money? Why stick with a person that slaps you today and begs you after only to come the next day to donate more slaps? Why degrade yourself to be trampled upon and slept with at will? Why fall in love with a person who is not in love with you but using you? Why cope with the one that tells you you are ugly and stupid?
Why are you so generous with your body that you sleep with the one that hates your guts? Who called you into such philanthropy? Child of God, you are more than that! You need to raise your shoulder and walk out of that relationship. If you cannot walk out, then run or even fly away but by all means, free yourself like a bird out of the snare of the fowler, and go into the newness that God has for you!
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. (Psalms 124:7 KJV)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I fall in love with the right person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to fall in love with the right person.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee (Proverbs 4:5-6 KJV)
Oh, clap your hands, all you peoples! Shout to God with the voice of triumph! Psalm 47:1
Nation/Church
Intercede for your nation and church.
But you shall be named the priests of the LORD, They shall call you the servants of our God. You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, And in their glory you shall boast. Isaiah 61:6
Pastors/Parents/Mentors
Father, raise up our pastors, parents and mentors in the name of Jesus.
After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Hosea 6:2
Finances
All my needs are supernaturally supplied in the name of Jesus.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
Family
(SINGLES) – Relationship and settling down.
(MARRIED) – Spouse and Children
“For the Lord GOD will help Me; Therefore I will not be disgraced; Therefore I have set My face like a flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed. Isaiah 50:7
Warfare
Open up your mouth and cry to the Lord.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ “If you take away the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, Isaiah 58:9
Desire this Month
Mention your specific request for the month of May to God in prayers.
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, Ephesians 3:16
Psalm 91 Declaration
Recite the whole of Psalm 91 prayerfully and believe every word in your heart.
Psalm 91
Blood Declaration
By the blood of Jesus, I have life in the name of Jesus.
He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. John 6:56
And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber fast, while the bridegroom is with them? as long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days. No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
In the scriptures, there are different kinds of fast. There is the regular fast where you don’t eat anything but can drink water or juice. Then there is the partial fast. This is omitting specific meals or refraining from specific types of food. Daniel had this type of fast at a time.
Then there is the full fast or dry fast wherein you completely refrain from both food and water for short periods of time. Paul had this type of fast. Esther called for this type of fast as well.
And then there could be a sexual fast as described in 1Cor 7. A fast could be as a result of personal instruction from God or proclaimed by the local assembly.
Fasting is powerful and Jesus mentioned it as one of the three things that can turn a life around in Matthew Chapter 6. Praying, Fasting, and Giving! No demonic power anywhere can withstand those three!
In Matthew 6:3, Jesus said ‘But when thou doest alms…,’ (or when you give)
In Matthew 6:6, Jesus said ‘But thou, when thou prayest…’
In Matthew 6:16, Jesus said ‘Moreover when ye fast…’
But the question I really want to address this morning is, apart from a generally proclaimed fast, when do I fast personally? When do I know that there is a need for me to fast?
The disciples of Jesus were reported to him, that they have not been fasting. And Jesus replied with a powerful and insightful statement in verse 20.
But the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken away from them, and then shall they fast in those days.
Jesus Christ is saying when you come to some seasons in your life, and it as though the bridegroom has been taken away from you, then shall you fast!
In those times in your life, when things seem not to be working again, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when you pray, and your prayer seems to bounce back, and it looks as though the bridegroom has gone on honeymoon, then shall you fast.
In those seasons of your life, when it looks like the bridegroom has been taken away, and in reality, it actually is like there is no groom for you while you are growing older, then shall you fast.
In those times of life, when you know you ought to pray and yet your mouth will not open in prayer, and Jesus Christ seems far away, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when every relationship breaks, and none is ever looking good, then shall you fast.
In those times of your life, when three or four weddings that looked promising were cancelled, and the groom cannot be found, then shall you fast.
Jesus went further to say in verses 21 and 22
No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment: else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles (Mark 2:19-22 KJV)
That is, a new season requires a new approach. You cannot glide into your destiny on the wings of old strength. You need to make power available in the place of fasting and prayer. A new piece of cloth must not go on an old garment, or else there will be complications. You cannot import an old unbelieving boyfriend into your new life. New wine must go into a new bottle!
The grace of God over your life must not be spilled on the platform of sentiments. You cannot continue with sexual promiscuity in your newfound life with Christ.
Fasting will not give you more power to overcome the issues, it will open your eyes to see, know and understand the counsel of God for that particular season.
Fasting will not bribe God in any way, it will only get your soul humbled and in the right frame to understand and follow God’s counsel. It will break yokes and rejuvenate you!
Are you in a season of your life, when it looks like Jesus Christ has been taken away from you and nothing seems to be working? Then shall you fast….and pray…with God’s word!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to discipline my flesh.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to pay the price now
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Cor 9:27 (CEV) I keep my body under control and make it my slave, so I won’t lose out after telling the good news to others.
Temiloluwa ensured that everyone around her felt her sadness and displeasure. She sighed sadly, squeezed her face, hissed many times, kept a low profile and didn’t give much attention when spoken to. God had not answered her prayers. This was like the hundredth time she had asked for Tina, her friend, who was failing miserably at school. Her last test score was poor and the rest of the class made fun of her when the teacher announced the scores.
Wasn’t God supposed to answer prayers? Wasn’t He the All-Powerful and Great God? The All-Knowing, All-Seeing and All-Doing God? She couldn’t help but wonder why God didn’t want Tina to do well at school.
‘You have been sighing and frowning since you came back from school and all morning too,’ her mother said to her later that day. ‘What’s going on with you? Care to share?’
‘It’s God,’ Temiloluwa replied.
‘What about God?’
‘He doesn’t want to answer my prayers.’
‘What have you been praying for?’
‘I have been asking Him to help Tina pass her exams and tests at school.’
‘And how do you know so?’ her mother asked again.
‘She failed the test again yesterday. Doesn’t God answer prayers anymore?’
‘Of course, He still answers prayers and will always do so.’ Her mother wondered why she would ask such a question.
Then why hasn’t He answered my prayers? Why is Tina still failing her tests?’
‘Is she studying as she should? Does she listen in class and understand her lessons?’
‘She does, mum. She sits beside me in class.’
‘Have you tried asking her what the problem is and maybe help her study after school?’
Temiloluwa paused and thought about this. She had never asked Tina that. ‘No, mommy. I have never asked her what the problem was.’
‘There goes your answered prayer.’
Have you ever felt like Temiloluwa?
Apart from praying for someone, you can always ask them what the problem is and see if you can help. That can be your answered prayers sometimes.
Temiloluwa asked Tina what the problem was and discovered that Tina felt timid in asking questions when she didn’t understand the lessons. With this knowledge, Temiloluwa was able to explain and teach her friend, and in no time, Tina’s grades improved at school.
