Secrets To Keep Love Alive. It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is impressive.
There is a love wave, love current, and all the love vibes around them. They set out to profess their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out overnight from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive, and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We, therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
1. Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault
‘She is very disrespectful’
‘He’s not kind and loving’
She’s lazy and overly sensitive
‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter, and full of regret, and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy are reciprocal in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price, and make your own sacrifices.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings, or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse to grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change overnight. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not-too-pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength, and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus’ name.
The Marital Way Of Escape. As the couple sat before the counseling table, frustrations laced every word spoken, and the expressions of their mien betrayed their hearts, they were both unhappy.
Their finances were in a mess. They were neck-deep in debt that refused to move.
Their career choices seemed out of place, and their bank accounts were in a coma.
Health-wise, they were not having the best of times.
The problems seemed to rear up their heads in every area of their lives.
What should they do?
What is that one thing that can bail you out irrespective of what you are facing?
As you navigate through the path of marriage as husband and wife, what is the most important thing?
What is that one thing that will solve every and any issue in marriage?
What is that one thing a husband and wife should never joke with?
The Marital Way Of Escape
Here we go.
No matter what you are facing right now in your marriage or home, no matter how the problems seemed insurmountable or gargantuan, you can get out.
The scriptures declare
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
There is nothing you are going through right now that does not have a way of escape.
Why is there a way of escape always?
Because God is faithful.
He will never abandon you! Read that again! Never!
Again, if you are a child of God, everything, I mean everything you are going through right now is not designed to kill you or snuff out the life in you.
They are designed to bring out the best in you, build your faith muscle and get you to that place where you can fearlessly take mountains and cities.
Then finally, understand there is always a way of escape.
Mortgage, buying a house, health issues, fruit of the womb, nagging wife, uncooperative husband, wayward children, impossible debts, bills to pay…and the list is endless.
Whatever it is, there is A WAY OF ESCAPE!
The Marital Way Of Escape
What is that way of escape?
That is our bone of contention this morning.
The way of escape is the way of God’s word.
In the midst of darkness, you only need a word that will lighten your path.
That is your way of escape. A word from the Lord.
You don’t need too many words.
You only need a word.
The word is the seed.
300 million sperm released. But only one is needed to fertilize and bring forth a baby, your man-child.
In the same way, you only need a word to bring forth that baby!
Sit down, study, meditate, and get a word from the Lord!
Let him be tall and handsome. Deep voice. Six-packs. Muscular. Gentle giant.
I want her to be beautiful. Hot legs. Head turner. Bust and behind. The hips and the lips. Slayer.
You write down a list. Great.
As a teenager, do you remember, when you think love, that’s all you wanted?
Fast forward many years after, priorities have changed.
Handsome and Beautiful, That Is All?
Married folk will tell you that some things will not be for life.
Some are great and work at it and they look great for a long time.
But genetics and nature are not really nice to everybody.
So, married people will tell you that the “tall” may be there for life, but the “tall” is no longer straight.
Somewhere along the journey, pot belly showed up. Stubborn and recalcitrant, it refused to go.
Shebi you saw the dad before? Why surprised?
Son will resemble father now?
The deep voice remained, unchanging, but then it came with deep snores. It’s a total package. Melody unto the Lord.
The six packs. Eventually and eventfully collapses into an amusement park. A bald head showed up. Cream would not work.
The gentle giant. The giant remained. Gentle left. Only God knows where.
Oh, the lady?
Ever beautiful. The legs is still somehow hot, but they got bigger. She loves “swallow,” hot swallow, and so the hot swallow swallowed the hot in the legs and left the big legs.
She doesn’t like wearing short skirts again.
Head no longer turn.
Handsome and Beautiful, That Is All?
Bust outline is no longer clear, tummy got bigger, thanks to five bubbling children!
The hips got bigger, and the lips which you think are solely for kissing, now have the capacity to shade somebody! She is no longer a slayer, nobody is ready to die.
I have said all of these to tell you that you should not be rigid with your “list” when it comes to marriage.
Some things will not be forever.
So many factors like genetics, personal discipline, eating habits and so many others determine what a person will look like.
After you hit forty, the body slows down in breaking down food. More fat settle.
God knows the best for you.
Never ever marry someone you loathe or hate, but never ever reject someone God is leading you to because of your strict idiosyncrasies.
God has a marital map for you.
Follow it.
Trash your unrealistic list and find out the heart of God.
Psa 81:13 (MSG) “Oh, dear people, will you listen to me now? Israel, will you follow my map?
You want to marry a rich person. Will the person be rich for life? Will you divorce if he gets broke?
There are rich people on their way to being broke! And yes, there are broke people on their way to being rich!
God’s GPS is superior to the one your brain invented.
Cooperate with His leading.
Short people can be nice. And they can be nasty.
Tall people can be brutal. And they can be gentle.
Loved ones frequently abandon us. Life happens, and relationships fade.
What appears to be promising frequently falls apart.
Wedding arrangements are frequently canceled or shortened.
Jilting stories, abandonment stories, cheating escapades, and infidelity adventures are all common occurrences.
As a result, many leave.
What occurs in such situations?
People may walk away but God will never walk away.
Managing Rejection and Disappointment
Let us delve at the scriptures.
Isa 54:10 (MSG) For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, My love won’t walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.” The GOD who has compassion on you says so
Eh! That should be read several times!
My love will not abandon you.
My peace covenant will not be broken.
Whoever wishes to walk away may do so, but as long as God’s love does not walk away, everything will work out for you.
I want you to look disappointment in the eyes and exclaim, “God’s love will not leave me!”
Stop sobbing.
Allow God’s love to heal you.
Managing Rejection and Disappointment
God utilized a nearly impossible scenario to demonstrate the depth of his love.
Mountains, as we all know, do not walk.
We all know that hills don’t just break apart.
But even if the mountain goes for a walk and never returns, and the hills disperse beyond repair, God promises that His love will not go!
Be optimistic.
Take pleasure in that love.
Swim in that ocean of love.
You will discover healing, restoration, and blessings beyond your wildest dreams in that love.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.” (Son 1:2, KJV)
Love can be like wine. It can be intoxicating. It can make you lose all sense of logic. It can make you disown friends and even family members sometimes.
Before you taste the wine of love, know what you are doing and that you are of age.
Before you allow him to kiss you with the kisses of the mouth, make sure you are married. When you get intoxicated at the wrong time, it can really be counter-productive.
The Bible says it is not good for man to be alone, but it is perfect for boys to be alone. You can be thirty-five and still be a boy if you have not learned how to delay gratification.
In marriage, the wine can often go low and so the couple must do everything possible to keep the wine up and be intoxicated with each other.
2. Love is more than a feeling
Love starts as a feeling, but for it to last it must graduate into a decision and a commitment, howbeit, you must not allow the feelings to die.
Passion is very necessary, but you must decide. Yes, there are times you wake up and there is no iota of feeling. Not even one drop. What do you do at such times? Do you divorce? No, you wake up with the feeling. You get some new wine into your marriage because you have made a decision to be with that person you love.
He that hath an ear….
3. Fall in love with God first
Finally, fall in love with God first. That is the foundation of all successful love stories.
God is love. So, in other to find true love, find God first.
Before you embrace that man or woman, have you embraced mercy first? Before you spend time with that man, have you tarried in His presence?
These are fundamental principles that make relationships work. You cannot ignore God for long before everything comes down crashing!
Get into God’s word first and learn His principles, then these principles will guide you to make proper and quality decisions.
I pray for you this morning, you will not fall in love with the wrong person. I pray for you in the name of Jesus, God will give you fresh wine in your marriage in Jesus’ name. There is a Yoruba prayer, “O ni gbe eegun eleegun o, loruko Jesu! Meaning, you will not marry the wrong person in Jesus’ name!
I curse that spirit of confusion in your life in Jesus’ name! I come against every militating spirit over your destiny, I proclaim you free in Jesus’ name, and I declare it is well with you in Jesus’ name! For everyone going through a storm in marriage, I declare, Peace! Be still! In Jesus’ name!
