It is understandable when enemies wound you. It is somehow discernible when you have wounds and bandages arising from a battlefront with an opposing side!
But the most significant wounds in our hearts are incidentally sustained by friends and lovers.
We have ex-friends, ex-besties, ex-lovers and sometimes ex-spouses. Sometimes the resulting effect is single motherhood, but how come we don’t hear of single fathers?
This leaves the women folk hurt most of the time because they deal more with hurts, bitterness, and agony of heart arising from disappointments in their quest for love.
Some married couples are not exempt from hurts and bitterness, because marriage can become that place where you are constantly hurt, especially when you want your spouse in a certain way and yet you are not achieving that.
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Zechariah 13:6 (KJV) And one shall say unto him, What are these wounds in thine hands? Then he shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.
Wounds can be sustained by friends, lovers, and spouses.
That is the reality!
However, you cannot stay hurt and wounded all your life! You have to learn to forgive and let go!
Do you realize that it is easier for the offender to let go? Of course, God’s justice system will deal with such a person. However, the offended find it challenging to move on as they struggle in the mud and mire of bitterness!
This is why it often looks like you are hurt and yet things have really gone slow and complicated. It’s because of bitterness of heart!
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Proverbs 14:30 (AMPC+) A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.
Envy, jealousy, and wrath are the cousins of bitterness. The scriptures say they can cause rottenness in the bones.
It can literally cause sicknesses and diseases!
You don’t want to stay on that page!
The good news is that God heals!
Psalms 147:3 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
That is soothing! He will not only heal your broken heart, He will bind up your wounds!
Why don’t you go to Him this morning? He is waiting to hear and attend to you!
Psalms 147:3 (MSG) He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.
This may not really sound as important to menfolk, but I can tell you as a marriage counselor that it is a big deal for ladies.
One woman bitterly complained that the only problem she had with her husband was that he never says “I love you!”
The man went to a recording studio and recorded a seventy-minute audio of his voice repeatedly saying “I love you!”
He took this CD and presented it to his wife.
“Hey dear, my pepperento potatoe, anytime you want to hear me say that, just play this CD!
The wife took it from him, broke it into two, and threw it out of the window.
The man was furious.
The wife said calmly, “I didn’t marry the CD, I married you and I want to hear it from you.”
And that is the way it is.
Dear husbands, your wife needs to hear that every time.
Don’t allow the compliments she gets outside to outweigh your own expressions for her at home.
After childbirth and as they approach midlife, women go through a mix of emotions and they struggle with their appearance, their tummy, and body shape.
That is why mirrors are never far from them.
They need a lot of affirmations from their husbands at this time.
Your affirmations will go a long way in stabilizing their emotions and ultimately make them feel loved.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
2. Attend Church Together
Very importantly, the husband as the head should ensure he raises a godly family.
Part of doing that is not forsaking the assembly of God’s people.
It is important you keep hearing the same thing.
I do not always subscribe that couples attend church services differently.
Attend the same church and build up yourselves spiritually.
Grow together.
Study together.
Pray together.
It goes a long way to strengthen the marriage.
As the husband, it is your responsibility to give spiritual leadership and direction.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
3. Resist the Urge To Lift Your Hands Against Her
Finally, as a husband, you should do all in your care to never lift your hands against your wife, for any reason, whatsoever.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
“Oh Pastor, you don’t know my wife. She is stubborn, rude, annoying, and disrespectful. Before I say “A,” she is by the “Z.”
Well, physically abusing her will not be the way out.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Make a covenant that you will never hit her!
As you make up your mind to do this, to honour her, protect her, and take care of her, God will also honour His Word in your life.
I pray that God will honour you indeed, send help to you in your marriage and fulfill all His desires for your life!
The greatest consummation of love yet remains that which you do with the lover of your soul. Did the Holy Writ not rightly say that He is our husband?
Isaiah 54:5 (KJV) For thy Maker is thine husband…
Until this consummation happens, you don’t really know Him yet. It is beyond a romantic adventure, it is a covenant marked by circumcision of the heart!
I presume God wants his love consummated with you so that you can conceive of Him and you can bring forth that which He desires.
There is a place where the intercourse must take place, it is the place of worship, a place of diving into Him, a place of getting lost in His glory!
In that place, you are taken beyond the third heavens, you actually go into the very throne of God to obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need for your relationship or marriage!
Let’s Consummate Our Love
The intercourse with divinity is always a mountainous experience where you are taken into high levels of the revelation of Jesus, and the very life of God, Zoe begins to flow in your veins.
It is a place where your ears will be laid to the gate of heavens and angels would whisper into your ears and that which lies with the divine become available to the humane.
God Himself takes you to a crescendo as you worship and like Peter, you would want a tabernacle to be established there so that you can live there forever.
Oh, that place is a place of victory! Have you been there yet? Even if it’s for only once? It is a place you don’t want to leave, for in His presence is fullness of joy.
Let’s Consummate Our Love
It is a place where you taste the power of the ages to come and you simply become a sign and a wonder to your generation.
Can you hear God calling you? Can you hear His voice? He is beckoning to you and calling you to come and experience His fullness, and from that fullness, there will be an overflow into your business, career, relationship, and marriage!
Song of Solomon 1:2-3 (KJV) Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. [3] Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive. It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is impressive.
There is a love wave, love current, and all the love vibes around them. They set out to profess their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out overnight from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive, and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We, therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
1. Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault
‘She is very disrespectful’
‘He’s not kind and loving’
She’s lazy and overly sensitive
‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter, and full of regret, and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy are reciprocal in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price, and make your own sacrifices.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings, or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse to grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change overnight. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not-too-pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength, and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus’ name.
