It is sure too early to get hurt or to entertain bitterness, to be in strife or malice, Wale told Sade.
Those words hurt her the more. The feeling of having fell straight on her face was not a good feeling.
I thought I had overcome this ‘hurt’ issue. Where did I lose it? At what point exactly did I lose it? Why did I not nip it in the bud? Why did I not snap out of hurt? Why do I find it difficult to talk about issues, especially when I am hurt?
Why do I have to let things degenerate for weeks before trying to salvage things? Why do I even hurt so badly and deeply?
These and many more questions were what filled Sade’s mind as their two weeks old strife and not talking to each other, gradually eased off.
In those two weeks, Sade had experienced a whole lot of emotions. She had moved from anger to being hurt, to giving Wale the silent treatment, to being frustrated, to feeling sorry for herself (self pity), to a feeling of abandonment just to mention a few.
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Wale was not left out in the different shades of emotions. He was first confused, then frustrated and then he become angry. Angry because he could not understand how his wife will not be able to express herself if something bothered her. And the silent treatment was just unbearable. The truth of the matter was that Wale was already getting pissed off.
He also had learnt to ignore Sade when ever she decides to go on her withdrawal escapades. Now she had withdrawn and Wale had also decided to leave her. Those two weeks were not funny at all.
Think of what could have happened. The devil could have exploited them at this point and caused some terrible tragedy. Thank God, Mercy said ‘No’. Mercy kept bearing them up for those two weeks they were vulnerable.
In the process, Sade learnt some valuable lessons I will be sharing with us.
Let’s look at some of them, take these lessons learnt so we don’t fall as Sade fell.
1. Let out the hurt. Don’t keep it brewing.
2. Learn to find a good time and opportunity to talk about issues that hurt you or that are bothering you.
3. Separate the issue from the person.
4. You don’t solve a problem by wishing it will go or hoping your spouse will get to know. You talk about it intelligently.
5. ‘I am sorry’. It works wonders in marriage and resolves issues faster.
6. Strife, malice and bitterness is the devils domain, avoid going there by all means.
7. The silent treatment is bad. No spouse can take it.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed. I do not harbour grudges.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse at all times.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
We must accept the uniqueness of our spouse and that of our marriage. No two marriages are the same and no two spouses are the same. There are no two people who have gone through the same things, in the same way, the same measure, and come out the same way.
Apply the principle of Jesus and His word to the uniqueness of your marriage.
In counseling, glean the principles and apply it to your situation putting in mind the uniqueness of your spouse.
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Every walk with God is a personal journey, so know God for yourself. Also, note that what worked for spouse A may not work for spouse B.
Don’t compare your marriage or spouse to another spouse. Only fools compare rather than accept the uniqueness of their marriage
8. Love
Love is the conclusion of the law. The whole subject of marriage is about love. If you don’t love your spouse, then why get married to them?
1 Cor 13 sums up what love is. Check your life and daily see how much you are walking in love with your spouse.
Marriage is about those who can love as Christ loves the church, giving Himself for it.
You cannot love and cheat on your spouse. You cannot love your spouse and not take care of Him/her.
May God grant us more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse, no matter how difficult it may appear.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 13:13 (KJV) And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
We have been looking at the topic “Tips To Having A Graceful Marriage” for two days now and we will continue today.
God wants our marriages to be graceful. He wants us as husband and wife to glide on the wings of Grace.
There is an unforced rhythm of grace that belongs to every couple if we learn to watch Jesus, learn how he behaves and follow after Him.
The marital life is lived just by following the outline in His word.
The principle is ‘whatever He tells you to do, do it’ John 2:5
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matt 11:29-30 (MSG)
God wants us to walk with Him and work with Him. He wants us to keep company with Him and not be distracted in any way. As we do this, our marriages begin to enjoy the unforced rhythms of Grace.
We begin to glide and we find our relationship sweeter than ever.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
It is in marriage that we get hurt the most. We don’t get as hurt with our colleagues at work, and our friends don’t hurt us as deeply as our spouse.
Because we live together and are committed to each other, our spouse hurt us so deeply. The issue is while we are trying to understand each other and minimize the hurt, we must forgive.
It is a must in marriage. We must come to a point where we practice advance forgiveness.
Settle it in your heart that there is nothing my spouse can ever do that will be difficult for me to forgive.
Most of us hold on to the error of our spouse. We must learn to forgive quickly and move on.
When we refuse to forgive, it is like a breach in the spirit. With unforgiveness in our marriage, we open the door for the devil to afflict us.
May the devil not have access to our homes in Jesus’ name.
To be continued tomorrow.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive my spouse, no matter how difficult it may appear.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Yesterday, we looked at two of these tips, which are 1.Giving 2.Respect.
We will continue on this topic this morning.
3. ACCEPT
There is a great need for accepting your spouse. There is a difference between not accepting your spouse and loving them as they are.
Every character issue or difference our spouse’s show now have always been with them when we were courting. The difference between now and then is that we accepted those character flaws because we were in love.
Love truly is blind but in marriage, our eyes are opened, hallelujah.
Accept your spouse for who they are. We are not giving to change our spouses. Only God’s word and His Spirit can change them. So pray.
You mean I don’t have to talk? Well, yes. At least you minimize your talking and ranting.
But if I don’t talk, how will he/she change? You can talk but not angrily. Because you trust God is the enforcer and the one to change your spouse.
So you give your spouse the gift of ‘accepting’ them. That love you demonstrate can even make them want to change.
4. COMPROMISE
In marriage, we must learn to compromise. We live a successful married life when we learn to live a little to the left, a little to the right.
In marriage, you stop living for yourself and start to live for your spouse. Don’t you ever insist on your own if you want your marriage to be graceful.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
My husband, when we were courting, loved beans. He could eat beans three times a day and still eat it the next day. But I was a rice person. On campus then, we always ate together. So he will be like beans and I will be like rice. But we both compromised. Today, we don’t have any issues of whether to eat rice or beans.
Beans provide a high source of protein, so I even opt for beans atimes. My Husband also prefers rice now and hardly does he eat beans. He complains it makes him bloat.
That is a simple one, but we solved that issue by learning to compromise. We were both willing to compromise.
5. EMPATHY
In marriage, we are to show empathy towards our spouse. Where there is no empathy, love is absent. You love your spouse when you are able to empathize with whatever they are feeling.
Empathy simply put is to put yourself in your spouse’s position and feel what they feel. When you are in your spouse’s shoe, you become like they are and feel for them.
Don’t just stay in your position as a male and make decisions. Sometimes, feel what it means to a female and just understand, and vice versa.
Wives, try to be husband for a while with the burden of leading the home and see that it is not easy. So learn to empathize with one another.
There is still more to talk about in this topic. Join me on the concluding part tomorrow by God’s Grace.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be glorious.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to respect my spouse at all times.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Reach a compromise with your spouse on certain issues.
Every marriage that God instituted is a blessing. It should be viewed as such.
That it is a blessing doesn’t mean it is going to be perfect with no ups and downs. All marriages have their own challenges and we all have to make up our minds to press on and don’t give up.
If we believe it is a gift from God then we need to treat it as such. Treat it with such dignity and honor. Treat your marriage and spouse with respect.
Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.
Heb 13:4
It is a special gift from God so have respect for it and treat it with some honor. Part of the respect and honor you give to marriage is being faithful to it as a covenant.
How faithful are you to this gift God gave you? It is a privilege being married and like any gift, you will give an account of how you used it.
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How faithful are you in thoughts, words, and actions? How faithful are you in ensuring you trade with this gift and multiply it? You start out in your marriage being small in every way. By being faithful, you multiply.
Faithfulness is not just limited to being moral and avoiding adultery. It is about being accountable and prudent with it. Like a wise businessman, trade with whatever God has given to you.
Do business and make sure you profit with the spouse God gave you. Till your marriage. Focus on making the most of it. Build your marriage and spouse.
Whatever good you desire and admire in other couples is also available to you. Be ready to work hard with your marriage. God is not promising there won’t be pressure, but don’t give up.
Dave Meyer was faithful in working at staying married to Joyce Meyer. It was very tough initially. It went through a lot of difficult times.
Being faithful is sticking with your partner no matter what. Working at it no matter what it takes. It is such a dogged attitude and a bulldog approach to marriage that God rewards.
Tell yourself and your spouse, we are in this for life and for the long haul.
May God grant us the strength to do His will.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have a faithful heart. I don’t give up on my it no matter what
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord grant me the grace to keep keeping on in my marriage
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY Heb 13:4 Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Keep tilling the ground of your marriage
