Marriage, they say, is the only institution where you receive a certificate even before you start. It is a lifelong journey, and the person you choose to walk with determines where and how you end up. Your spouse has a significant impact on your future, destiny, and purpose in life.
The question of whom to marry is a crucial one that requires sincere answers. Many people seem good, kind, and caring, but that does not necessarily mean they are God’s best for you as a life partner.
When I say “marry from your tribe,” I’m not referring to ethnicity, nationality, or cultural background. I’m talking about the tribe of Christ, which is the body of believers.
The Bible clearly states
[Amos 3:3] “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
A partner who does not share your faith and convictions will eventually create division, which will make walking in unity difficult.
Your tribe is not just someone who goes to church but a true believer in Christ. Someone who shares the same understanding of salvation, grace, and the Lordship of Jesus.
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Being in the same church does not mean you share the same faith. Someone can be religious without being saved. True compatibility in Christ goes beyond attending services together. It means having the same foundation in faith.
If you believe in living a life of holiness, prayer, and service to God, marrying someone who doesn’t share those values will only bring conflict.
For example:
If you are convicted about modesty, don’t marry someone who believes otherwise, hoping they will change. Or if you belong to the no ornaments tribe, don’t marry someone who loves jewelry, expecting them to abandon it after marriage.
Yes, change is possible through God, but some changes require deep personal conviction. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1)
Steps to Marry from God’s Tribe
1. Be a Part of the Tribe First
Before looking for a godly spouse, ensure that you are rooted in Christ. You cannot find the right person if you are not the right person.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
2. Pray for Divine Guidance
Marriage is not just about emotions; it’s a spiritual covenant. Seek God’s direction before making a choice.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
3. Observe Their Fruit, Not Just Their Words
Jesus said, By their fruits, you will know them. Matthew 7:16
A godly spouse should exhibit the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23.
4. Check for Doctrinal Agreement
Do you both believe in salvation by grace? Do you both understand the role of faith, prayer, and obedience to God? Differences in core beliefs can create future conflicts.
5. Seek Godly Counsel
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
Involve spiritual mentors, pastors, or mature believers in your decision-making process.
Marriage is a journey that should bring joy, not sorrow. You can either enjoy marriage or manage marriage. Let your standard go beyond the physical. Choose wisely and within the tribe of God.
These tips are applicable not only in the context of relationships and marriage but also in business, careers, and everyday life.
1. Pray First, Not Last
Many people decide who they want and then ask God for God’s blessings. They get emotionally attached first, then pray later, hoping for a divine confirmation that matches their feelings.
When your heart is deeply invested, it’s hard to hear God clearly. Instead of seeking God’s will, you start convincing yourself that what you want is what He wants. At that point, it’s easy to mistake His permissive will (what He allows because of your insistence) for His perfect will (what He truly desires for you).
That’s why discernment begins before emotions get involved. Instead of saying, “God, I really like this person; please make it work,” the prayer should be, “Lord, is this your best for me? Show me what I can’t see.”
God is not silent; He will give you an answer, but God won’t force His will on you. If you truly want His best, seek Him first, not after your heart is already entangled. A relationship led by emotions alone may feel right at the moment, but only God’s perfect will brings lasting peace and purpose.
2. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Love isn’t meant to blind you. If you notice things like dishonesty, emotional instability, lack of accountability, or controlling behavior, don’t overlook them. What seems small now will only grow bigger in marriage. God’s best will never require you to ignore important issues just to “make it work.”
“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 22:3)
3. Listen to Wise Counsel
Sometimes, the people around us can see things we’re too emotionally invested to notice. If your trusted, godly friends, mentors, or family members have serious concerns about your relationship, don’t dismiss them. God often uses wise counsel to confirm His direction.
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)
4. Give It Time
If something is truly from God, time will reveal it. You don’t have to force, chase, or manipulate anything. Patience allows you to observe a person’s true character and consistency before making a lifelong commitment. If it’s right, time will only make it clearer.
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 37:7)
One of the hardest things is waiting when you feel ready for love. But remember, God’s best is worth the wait. Instead of settling for what’s available, trust that He knows what you need and when you need it. A rushed decision may bring short-term happiness, but God’s best brings long-term fulfillment.
When people think about love, they often picture grand gestures—expensive gifts, romantic dates, or the recent ongoing proposal craze. Ehm, all these are good and to be injected into the relationship or marriage. But listen, at the end of the day, true love isn’t proven in those big, glamorous moments but in the ordinary, everyday ones.
For singles, it’s easy to get carried away by appearances and by those exciting moments in a relationship. But let me let you know that even the devil can be a tall, dark, and handsome man who knows how to spoil you with fun. So, don’t allow your emotions to make the decision for you—let your brain function well, too. Beyond the romantic dates and sweet words that juggle your emotions, ask yourself: Can this person love and respect me in the ordinary, everyday issues? Can they be patient when you’re stressed? Can they handle disagreements with maturity? Do they regard your opinions? Do they have empathy, not just towards you but also towards others?
Love that you will enjoy in marriage isn’t built on butterflies but on consistent character. It’s in the small, everyday matters. Romantic date nights won’t happen every day in marriage, right? But you will live and relate with each other every single day. Open your brains, my friend.
For married couples, well, you’re already in. So, take this and implement it in your marriage. Love isn’t just about anniversaries and pulling off surprises; it’s about the little, simple everyday choices and acts—choosing patience over anger, choosing to listen instead of dismissing, choosing kindness when tired, washing the dishes without being asked, sending a thoughtful message in the middle of the day, offering a hug after an argument, instead of banging the door and storming out of the house. These small moments may seem insignificant, but they are the building real VIPs—the real blocks of a strong marriage.
“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18).
Love is a daily decision to love in action—in the daily, little things of life, not just in the grand gestures.
Please, how do I end this now? Ehm, okay: Shalom, everyone! 😁
We spend a lot of time praying for the “right person” to come our way, but how often do we ask God to make us the right person ourselves? We have long lists of qualities we want in a life partner, but are we becoming someone who embodies those same qualities?
Finding the right person is only one part of a godly relationship; the other is becoming the kind of person who can sustain it. Instead of worrying about when you’ll meet your future spouse, see this season of singleness as an opportunity for God to shape you into the best version of yourself, spiritually, emotionally, and in every area of life.
How to become the right person:
1. Build a Strong Relationship with God
Before you pursue a relationship, your first priority should be deepening your relationship with God. The truth is, no one can complete you or fill a void that only God was meant to fill.
Have you ever had this thought that “If only I had a relationship, I would be happier”? This is a lie the world tells us. True fulfillment comes from knowing God first. A relationship should complement your life, not complete it because in Christ you are already complete.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 (ESV)
The more you invest in your relationship with God, the more you become the person He created you to be, and the more prepared you’ll be for the right relationship when the time comes.
2. Let God Shape Your Character
To be very honest, no one enters a relationship as a flawless, perfectly put-together person. We all have our struggles, habits, and past wounds that, if left unchecked, can spill over into our relationships. The problem isn’t having flaws, it’s refusing to let God work on them.
A relationship won’t fix insecurity. Marriage won’t heal emotional wounds. A godly partner won’t erase unhealthy patterns. Only God can transform you from the inside out. Instead of waiting for someone to “complete” you, allow God to refine you.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” — Romans 12:2 (ESV).
God isn’t asking for perfection, He’s asking for willingness. So, instead of just praying for the right person, pray that “Lord, make me into the person You’ve called me to be.”
3. Grow in Emotional Maturity
Love is more than just an emotion. When things are going well, it’s simple to feel in love, but true love isn’t about fleeting feelings. Love is a choice, a daily decision to be kind, patient, and dedicated even when things aren’t going well
Strong relationships need maturity, self-control, and sacrifice. Feelings alone will not get you through disagreements, or misunderstandings. That’s where commitment comes into play, the determination to stick around, the intentionality to work through problems, and keep choosing the other person.
Maturity is that you know how to apologize, take responsibility, and handle your emotions in a healthy way. It means you’re prepared for love beyond the honeymoon phase, the kind of love that mirrors Christ’s love for us which is unconditional.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
4. Build yourself
A relationship isn’t some shortcut to wholeness. If you’re not making progress now, marriage won’t magically fix it. So instead of waiting, start building.
“Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.” (Proverbs 24:27, ESV)
Before stepping into love, take time to build yourself first. Build your career, and skills, and pursue your goals. your purpose isn’t on hold until marriage. Make progress, develop your gifts, and embrace the season you’re in. In this way, you’re not just waiting for the right person, but becoming the right person.
Conclusion
This season of singleness isn’t a waiting room, it’s an opportunity. So embrace it, grow through it, and trust that when the time is right, God will align you with the right person. Until then, keep becoming the best version of yourself in Christ!
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it also brings its own unique set of experiences and lessons that singles might not fully comprehend until they embark on their own path. While being single provides freedom and opportunities for personal growth, married life introduces new dimensions of love, sacrifice, and collaboration. Here are five things couples may be aware of that singles might not yet fully grasp:
1. The Beauty (and Challenge) of Compromise In marriage, two people become one, which means learning to give and take on everything from chores to where to go on vacation. Singles can make decisions all by themselves, but in a relationship, both partners have to think about each other’s needs and wants. This can be tough sometimes, but it also makes you and your partner closer and more united. Through compromise, couples grow together and learn how to put their goals first over their own wants.
2. The Depth of Emotional Intimacy
Singles can have deep friendships or romantic connections, but there’s something special about the emotional bond between spouses. Marriage takes a lot of vulnerability, trust, and being open with each other. Over time, this intimacy grows as couples share happy times, tough times, and even the little things that happen every day. It’s a level of closeness that really makes your heart and soul feel strong, because you both promise to love and support each other.
3. The Power of Grace and Forgiveness
Even if you’re head over heels in love with your partner, disagreements are bound to happen. What makes marriages truly special is the ability to show grace and forgiveness over and over again. Singles might find it easier to let go of grudges because their relationships aren’t as deeply connected. But in marriage, patience and mercy become superpowers that keep the peace and harmony flowing. As the Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and forgiving to each other, just as Christ forgave you.””
4. The Selfless Act of Marriage Marriage is a beautiful journey that teaches couples to prioritize each other. Whether it’s staying up late to comfort a loved one or giving up a hobby to spend quality time together, selflessness becomes a natural part of their lives. For singles, life is all about personal goals, but marriage shifts the focus toward serving and supporting another person. This act of surrender is a powerful reminder of Christ’s example of sacrificial love.
5. The Joy of Building a Legacy Together Marriage is a beautiful journey of creating a legacy together. It’s not just about building a family, a home, and a community, but about creating something meaningful that stands the test of time. From raising our little ones to serving others, we find immense joy in co-creating God’s plan for our lives. And let’s not forget the dreamers out there! While they may dream of this future, married couples live it every day, knowing they’re part of something extraordinary.
Singleness has its perks, but marriage is like a treasure trove of experiences that mold your character, strengthen your faith, and show you how God meant for us to connect. Both life stages have their ups and downs, but marriage shows you the true meaning of love, the sacrifices we make, and the beauty of unity that only those who’ve been on this journey can truly appreciate.
