It is understandable when enemies wound you. It is somehow discernible when you have wounds and bandages arising from a battlefront with an opposing side!
But the most significant wounds in our hearts are incidentally sustained by friends and lovers.
We have ex-friends, ex-besties, ex-lovers and sometimes ex-spouses. Sometimes the resulting effect is single motherhood, but how come we don’t hear of single fathers?
This leaves the women folk hurt most of the time because they deal more with hurts, bitterness, and agony of heart arising from disappointments in their quest for love.
Some married couples are not exempt from hurts and bitterness, because marriage can become that place where you are constantly hurt, especially when you want your spouse in a certain way and yet you are not achieving that.
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Zechariah 13:6 (KJV) And one shall say unto him, What are these wounds in thine hands? Then he shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.
Wounds can be sustained by friends, lovers, and spouses.
That is the reality!
However, you cannot stay hurt and wounded all your life! You have to learn to forgive and let go!
Do you realize that it is easier for the offender to let go? Of course, God’s justice system will deal with such a person. However, the offended find it challenging to move on as they struggle in the mud and mire of bitterness!
This is why it often looks like you are hurt and yet things have really gone slow and complicated. It’s because of bitterness of heart!
Dealing With Love’s Wounds and Hurts
Proverbs 14:30 (AMPC+) A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.
Envy, jealousy, and wrath are the cousins of bitterness. The scriptures say they can cause rottenness in the bones.
It can literally cause sicknesses and diseases!
You don’t want to stay on that page!
The good news is that God heals!
Psalms 147:3 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
That is soothing! He will not only heal your broken heart, He will bind up your wounds!
Why don’t you go to Him this morning? He is waiting to hear and attend to you!
Psalms 147:3 (MSG) He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage. As children of God, God speaks to us like a father will speak to his children. When we listen to His voice, we will not get into problems. When we disregard His voice, we start listening to another voice. The moment we don’t flee or run away from that voice, we get into a serious mess.
God is good God. God speaks to us. The devil is a bad devil. He also attempts to speak to us. That is why the scripture declares:
And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers (John 10:4-5 KJV)
When we make up our minds to listen to God and fill our hearts with His word daily and consistently, we will not listen or take heed to the voice of the evil one. That is why the way Jesus refuted and refused to listen to the voice of the devil during the temptation was to speak out God’s word. Three times he was tempted, three times he said, ‘It is written…’ What if he doesn’t know what is written?
This morning, by the Spirit of God, I want to identify ten areas where we might have been listening to the wrong voice. It comes in subtle ways mostly.
The devil often uses people and situations to speak to us. We must be careful. Here are the people and voices the devil often uses.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
1. The user’s voice
I can marry her, but I don’t have to be committed to her
2. The deceiver’s voice
I don’t have to let my spouse know everything, or else the marriage can be jeopardized.
3. The religious voice
Everybody has a lover somewhere, God must accommodate that or we will all go to hell.
4. The foolish voice
As long as I have a prophet somewhere that I consult and pray for me, I can continue with my lifestyle.
5. The sensual voice
I am not sure of my spouse’s commitment. I can as well explore and also live my life.
Harmful Voices in Relationships and Marriage
6. The greedy voice
I can collect money from him to help my spouse. After all, it’s for the family. It’s for us and that can be a secret. If I don’t do it, we will be hungry.
7. The unbelievers’ voice
My family does not need Jesus. I have enough money. It is poor and hungry people that go around praying.
8. The self-righteous voice
I don’t want my family to be fanatical. We don’t have to go to church. The church is full of hypocrites.
9. The carnal voice
I serve God passionately and I give. But God knows that addictions cannot really go like that. I will keep on working on it and one day God might even give me a sign to stop.
10. The confused voice
The only way to keep this man married to me is to allow him to have his way with other ladies out there. As long as he doesn’t bring them home, he can do whatever he wants. Life is give and take, I can’t be policing him around, since he doesn’t disturb me from doing what I am doing.
Well, all the above statements are defective. If you or the person you are engaged with makes these types of statements, you might want to really seek help because they are defective statements indicative and symptomatic of deeper spiritual problems. They are belief systems that are sure to crack and leave you cracked. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
If you are married, and one or more of the above seems to be the scenario, you will need to pray a lot for God’s help and intervention and then seek counseling as well.
In life, God has laid out His principles and when we deviate from them, things will not work out however we try because the scripture cannot be broken! In any way where you seem lacking, God will forgive, forget, redeem, and restore as necessary when you genuinely repent.
This may not really sound as important to menfolk, but I can tell you as a marriage counselor that it is a big deal for ladies.
One woman bitterly complained that the only problem she had with her husband was that he never says “I love you!”
The man went to a recording studio and recorded a seventy-minute audio of his voice repeatedly saying “I love you!”
He took this CD and presented it to his wife.
“Hey dear, my pepperento potatoe, anytime you want to hear me say that, just play this CD!
The wife took it from him, broke it into two, and threw it out of the window.
The man was furious.
The wife said calmly, “I didn’t marry the CD, I married you and I want to hear it from you.”
And that is the way it is.
Dear husbands, your wife needs to hear that every time.
Don’t allow the compliments she gets outside to outweigh your own expressions for her at home.
After childbirth and as they approach midlife, women go through a mix of emotions and they struggle with their appearance, their tummy, and body shape.
That is why mirrors are never far from them.
They need a lot of affirmations from their husbands at this time.
Your affirmations will go a long way in stabilizing their emotions and ultimately make them feel loved.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
2. Attend Church Together
Very importantly, the husband as the head should ensure he raises a godly family.
Part of doing that is not forsaking the assembly of God’s people.
It is important you keep hearing the same thing.
I do not always subscribe that couples attend church services differently.
Attend the same church and build up yourselves spiritually.
Grow together.
Study together.
Pray together.
It goes a long way to strengthen the marriage.
As the husband, it is your responsibility to give spiritual leadership and direction.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
3. Resist the Urge To Lift Your Hands Against Her
Finally, as a husband, you should do all in your care to never lift your hands against your wife, for any reason, whatsoever.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
“Oh Pastor, you don’t know my wife. She is stubborn, rude, annoying, and disrespectful. Before I say “A,” she is by the “Z.”
Well, physically abusing her will not be the way out.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Make a covenant that you will never hit her!
As you make up your mind to do this, to honour her, protect her, and take care of her, God will also honour His Word in your life.
I pray that God will honour you indeed, send help to you in your marriage and fulfill all His desires for your life!
The greatest consummation of love yet remains that which you do with the lover of your soul. Did the Holy Writ not rightly say that He is our husband?
Isaiah 54:5 (KJV) For thy Maker is thine husband…
Until this consummation happens, you don’t really know Him yet. It is beyond a romantic adventure, it is a covenant marked by circumcision of the heart!
I presume God wants his love consummated with you so that you can conceive of Him and you can bring forth that which He desires.
There is a place where the intercourse must take place, it is the place of worship, a place of diving into Him, a place of getting lost in His glory!
In that place, you are taken beyond the third heavens, you actually go into the very throne of God to obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need for your relationship or marriage!
Let’s Consummate Our Love
The intercourse with divinity is always a mountainous experience where you are taken into high levels of the revelation of Jesus, and the very life of God, Zoe begins to flow in your veins.
It is a place where your ears will be laid to the gate of heavens and angels would whisper into your ears and that which lies with the divine become available to the humane.
God Himself takes you to a crescendo as you worship and like Peter, you would want a tabernacle to be established there so that you can live there forever.
Oh, that place is a place of victory! Have you been there yet? Even if it’s for only once? It is a place you don’t want to leave, for in His presence is fullness of joy.
Let’s Consummate Our Love
It is a place where you taste the power of the ages to come and you simply become a sign and a wonder to your generation.
Can you hear God calling you? Can you hear His voice? He is beckoning to you and calling you to come and experience His fullness, and from that fullness, there will be an overflow into your business, career, relationship, and marriage!
Song of Solomon 1:2-3 (KJV) Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. [3] Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
