One of the greatest challenges that a man will face is how to care of his wife. This is not because a man is reluctant to do so, but simply because the definition of care in a man’s brain is sometimes exact opposite of how a lady defines care. I am not talking about when you’ve just fallen in love. Mostly at that time, your eyes are not open to reality then. At the times when you’ve just fallen in love, everything he does is okay and everything she does is okay!
A woman sees C-A-R-E as availability, attention and some good money! A man often sees C-A-R-E as money, money and money, and that is where the problem is?
Didn’t I just send you money? How can you say I don’t care? Didn’t I just send you to Dubai? You see, a woman that truly loves you doesn’t mind going to Dubai, but she doesn’t want to go alone! She wants to go with you!
I know there are some women who see C-A-R-E as money, money and money! This isn’t a genuine love, and at the end of the day, they are still frustrated despite the money because the real need is never met!
This is the bane of ladies who are of marriageable age, but refuse to love and be loved appropriately because of some man who is giving them money or who rents an apartment for them somewhere.
You call them big girls, but they are really small inside! The big girls are not the ones spending some ill-gotten money that they accumulated from using their bodies as a commodity; the big girls are the ones who refuse to compromise in the face of provocation, who decides to stand up for God!
If you are engaged to a lady who never asks for your time and attention but only wants you to send her money, you should really be worried! She is probably getting the emotional fulfillment somewhere else and you are just a tool in her hands, to get money!
On the other hand, if a lady never stresses you for money but only asks that you call regularly and be there for her, she really loves you! Though, there could be an extreme of this as well, when the lady in question is overly needy because of past experiences and self-esteem issues.
So how do you take care of lady? Be there for her. Take care of her by spending time with her. But, I have to provide for her, so I am busy and I have to be away! Yes, but you have to create time out of no time, to be available for her. May you not get the money and then lose her!
You need to understand that it is a need of hers! Initially she might not complain because the money is always there, but after a while, she would rather let you have her than the money having her.
Why do you think some rich women get depressed? Haven’t you seen ladies living in palatial mansions who are so unhappy and depressed?
Money answereth all things…that it can answer!
Like it is often said, can money buy sleep? Nay, it may buy waterbed, not sleep!
Can money buy a good heart, nay, it may get a beautiful face, not necessarily a good heart. One of the worst things that can happen to a man is a stunningly beautiful face sitting on an evil heart! Conversely, one of the greatest tragedies that can happen to a woman is a stupendously rich man and a handsome face sitting on an abusive, egocentric and violent man!
His money buys your body, your mouth and your mind! You can’t even think for yourself, that is not marriage! Sadly this is where a lot of ladies find themselves! A lady called me sometimes ago weeping profusely; that she has all the money but she cannot spend! She was living in a prison!
It is for this reason that when you are talking of a relationship or marriage with a person, the most singular important factor is God’s choice for you!
And then some people will come up with some funny ideas like; what if God gives me somebody I don’t love? What you don’t know is that God is not man, that arithmetic or geometry will never be.
That God will lead you to somebody you hate all your life? It never happens like that! You will always love what God offers because He gives you the best! Yes, initially you may not cooperate with God’s plan because of selfishness and greed, but when you come to embrace God’s plan, you will see the wisdom of God, and you will be full of praises to God!
Only God knows the man or woman that will last the whole journey with you. Only God knows the one that will pack his or her load along the way. Only God knows the one that might pull the trigger on you five years later. Only God knows the one that wouldn’t mind using you for some ritual… because God looks into the heart…while you are looking at the bank account and the face! You see why it is important you follow God’s direction?
What if you are already married and you feel you made a mistake? Stay there and correct that mistake, with prayers, good attitudes, wisdom and a lot of maturity, God can heal your marriage and make it good!
May God help us all!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not confused. I am being led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord lead me into that place by your side.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. (Psalms 5:3 KJV)
There aremany reasons why your wife loses interest in bed with you.
This attitude is not to be ignored because it can potentially bring harm to marriage.
It can push a man without self control into the zone of adulterous escapades, and of course, that comes with its unpleasant and attendant consequences that are detrimental to the family and home.
When this happens over and over again, that marriage is in serious danger of being exploited by the devil.
What seems like occasional refusals can quickly degenerate to a point where the wife closes up her spirit and the husband starts looking elsewhere.
When you look at the scriptures, it advocates that you should not deny each other sexually.
As a counselor, I have to counsel not too few a couple on this area.
What are those reasons why a wife can suddenly lose interest, especially if she has been cooperative before?
1. When she is repeatedly hurt and disappointed
Yes, the man is the head of the house and he is supposed to have the final say.
But when the man refuses to let his wife talk all the time, shuts her up and mute her voice, it can make her withdraw emotionally. When she is withdrawn emotionally, she cannot enjoy jeru trip like she should.
She is not a prostitute. And because she is not, a sexual experience for her is a total experience that affects every part of her.
If she is unhappy while at it, she can have the feeling of being raped.
And when this happens continuously, she would associate pain to an experience that you are supposed to enjoy and which is supposed to transport you to a land of delight like never before.
I believe this is one of the reasons Apostle Peter said:
1Pe 3:7 (CEV) If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor…
Being thoughtful about her off bed will make her cooperate more on the bed. Invest in her emotionally. Stop hurting her over and over again. The moment you lose her emotionally, you will not enjoy yourself as well.
I am not justifying this attitude on the part of the wife, because this attitude is not the appropriate response to an insensitive husband.
Maybe he just does not understand how to treat a woman or how you want to be treated specifically.
That is not a sin in itself, he only needs to learn. So, talk to him. Explain, rather than withdraw, go quiet and sulk. Communicate. Express your frustrations without nagging and work together to build your home.
May God grant more understanding!
Be blessed!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will cooperate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, let your love be shed abroad in our home
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 3:7 (GW) Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.
There are myths every single should disbelief. Let me show you some.
1. The reason I am not married is because I am not beautiful
You see, beauty is in the beholder’s eyes. When you truly meet your spouse, you will be beautiful to him however you look.
Why do you think you are ugly? It is probably because some people told you that. Well, that is their opinion. However you look, somebody will soon see you and tell you you are beautiful.
I always say humourously that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You will be fearful (ugly) to some and you will be wonderful (beautiful) to others.
Psa 139:14 KJV I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
2. God is punishing me because of my past mistakes.
God never consults your past to determine your future. Let’s take a look at the scripture.
Heb 10:17 KJV And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
God will not only forgive you, He will forget about it. He would erase it out of His records. And listen to me, what God has forgiven and forgotten, don’t let the devil who is the accuser of brethren hold you on it.
Here is what Message translation says:
Heb 10:17 MSG He concludes, I’ll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins.
What God has concluded on, don’t allow the devil to add another paragraph. Where God has put a full stop, don’t allow anybody to change it to a comma.
3. A woman can never successfully submit to her husband
Submission to one’s husband is not a negotiation, it is an instruction from God. When you submit to your husband, you will bring yourself into a season of unprecedented favour, an unleashing of creativity and flowing in the fullness of God’s blessings over your life. Why? Because you are obeying God, even when it is not easy.
1Pe 3:1-2 AMP (1) IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, (2) When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
4. There is certainly a curse working against me.
Curses are real. But the liberation from curses is even more real! The devil is wicked, but God is loving.
Through the death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have been redeemed from curses of the law. We have been made free. No devil should be allowed to lord it over you again!
Gal 3:13-14 MSG Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the Cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse. And now, because of that, the air is cleared and we can see that Abraham’s blessing is present and available for non-Jews, too. We are all able to receive God’s life, his Spirit, in and with us by believing–just the way Abraham received it.
I will conclude on these myths tomorrow. Don’t miss it.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am free from myths and wrong beliefs.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will deliver you from known and unknown myths
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” (Rom 5:5, KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Challenge every myth you know about marriage.
I discussed the topic “How To Overcome Hurt In Marriage” yesterday and today, I will be concluding on the topic.
We established that the enemy often seeks to use the weapon of hurt to wrought his 3 fold agenda in marriages which is to steal, kill and destroy. No marriage is immune to the strategies and attacks of the enemy. He will often steal from our marriages, kill and snooze out life from our marriage and totally destroy all that our marriage stands for.
Hurt is a blessing blocker. When you are hurt, your heart cannot receive from God.
Getting rid of hurts and making sure your heart is guarded against any form of hurt that may arise. See the spiritual implication of hurt and what it can potentially do to your marriage.
If you don’t learn to handle your hurts the right way, it will lead to bitterness, which can lead to rage which can lead to all sorts of vices like murder.
There is a right way and a wrong way of handling hurts. Make sure you are not a victim to the deadly poison of hurt.
Some wrong and unhealthy ways to handle hurt include:
1. Vengeance or retaliation. This is when you allow the hurt to get at you so much that you act back based on the hurt. Retaliation could come in various ways, wanting to hurt your spouse back, or inflict pain.
2. Closing your heart We have a tendency to block our hearts as a way of protecting our hearts from further hurts.
3. Rehearsing or replaying the hurt We may also be in the rot of replaying the words or event that hurt us.
I know there are different levels and degree of hurt, but whichever, we have a responsibility of guarding our heart and we have a choice not to be hurt.
The best way to guard our heart against hurts is taking communion. Try it because it works so well. Take communion and plead the blood of Jesus over your heart.
Also take authority over the hurt. Exercise authority over words that cause hurts. Guard your heart against the effect of hurt using these two scriptures
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Luke 10:19 KJV
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord. Isaiah 54:17 KJV
Anytime there is a quarrel between couples and there are exchange of harsh words, you will do well to guard your heart against this hurt.
Even after you have made up and started talking, if not properly dealt with , you could still be nursing the hurt. Get rid of the hurt and don’t allow any root of bitterness defile you.
Let your heart be void of offence, bitterness or hurt against your spouse, siblings, parents, God, life, etc
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I refuse to be hurt. I refuse to be bitter.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to forgive those who hurt me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord . Isaiah 54:17 KJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to get rid of offense
Every marriage atone time or another will need the wine in the marriage to be renewed or replenish. This happens probably because we made more withdrawals than deposits in the emotional tank of each other.
Life happens and a times we get too busy or occupied with our tight schedules that we lag behind in the things that make our marriage sizzle. Maybe as a wife you have been busy with house chores, children , in laws, office work and you have been a liitle grouchy lately.
As a husband too, maybe you have been cranky lately with bills piling up and their deadline approaching or as a son to your parents you have responsibilities to fulfill or maybe your mechanic played a fast one on you and the list could be endless of different things that get us overwhelmed with life itself.
All these will eventually affect our marriage one way or the other.
In John 2:1-11 in the story of the Marriage at Cana in Galilee, we saw that at a particular point and time in the marriage the new finished. Thank God for Jesus being around at the marriage.
Jesus is the only solution for finished wine in our marriage. But Jesus alone did make it happen. Just as your being born again doesn’t guarantee the automatic renewal of the wine of your marriage.
In the marriage at Cana of Galilee, the key players are
1. Jesus Christ 2. The mother of Jesus 3. The Servants 4. The Bride and Groom 5. The chairman of the ceremony
For there to be renewal of your marriage wine you also need these people in your marriage.
1. Jesus Christ. – He is the Word. You need the word to be spoken over your marriage. You have to have an active relationship with the word and invite Jesus into your marriage.
2. The mother of Jesus. – you need people who care and are interested in you because they love you. They notice the little details of your life about your life and watch out for you. You have to give them the permission into your space.
They are like your mentor. This could also pass for the Holy spirit. Who nudges you that the wine in your marriage needs renewal.
3. The servants. –These are like your Protégées. They will do whatever you ask them to do. You must know how to manage them for the benefit of your marriage. Don’t let them become pain to you, they are gift. This could pass for your faculties you employ and yield in obedience to Jesus
4. The bride and groom. – they are the couples whose marriage the wine needs renewal. Their marriage can become beautiful again. They can be helped of God and become the envy of all people.
5. The chairman of the ceremony. – this stands for the unbelievers around who will witness and share in the joy of what the Lord has and can do in your marriage when invited.
May we always allow Jesus into our marriage. God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The wine of my marriage will not finish. I receive divine refilling.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to know when I need a refill.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY John 2:5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
