I will continue from where I stopped yesterday. We have been looking at different types of stressors and how we can avoid them. How these stressors cause stress and strain in our relationship with our spouse.
We looked yesterday at how unforgiveness can be a sources of unhappiness in marriage. It can cause a lot of tension between couples.
Today, we are moving on to
8. Not being open and transparent.
Marriage is translated H.O.T, honest, open and transparent. Husband and wife should be naked and not ashamed.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:25 KJV There should be no shame whatsoever between husband and wife. If both understand their position in covenant and how God sees them.
There should be zero inhibitions. We should be 100%/vulnerable to each other
It is very stressful when as husband and wife you censor what you have to say, walk as though on an egg shelf, hide, be secretive, tell packaged truth, sometimes tell little lies, structured lies, and all manner and shades of lies.
It is frustrating to have a spouse who is always suspecting you.
I want us to know that the devil is at the root of every kind of suspicion. If this is happening in our marriage, God will grant us victory and every storm will cease in Jesus name.
The devil hates marriage and unity between husbands and wives. This kind of stress can cause strain on the marital union. It could be handled by both husband and wife working together correcting their wrongs and trusting God for the covenant of oneness to be appropriated in their lives and marriage.
9. Unrealistic expectations.
These are the things we expect from our spouse which cut across as being over the board or giving the present situation may be difficult to meet.
Our spouse should try and they are under obligations to meet our needs. But there are some needs that are not humanly possible.
This usually happens when either of the spouses is selfish and inconsiderate. If for example the husband or the wife already has a particular mould he/she wants for his spouse and then try to force the spouse into that mould. That will be an unrealistic expectation.
This is capable of causing frustration. I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on these stressors by God’s grace.
May God grant us the spirit of forgiveness to all that has offended us in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Act 20:32 KJV And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.
Everything you do in life is like a load and for every load, you need strength. The success you have in life is as a result of the load you can carry. The business you are doing for a living is as a result of the financial load you can handle. Your intellectual prowess and the parameters of your cognitive abilities are defined by the load your brain can accommodate. Going to school is a load. Starting a relationship is a load. Getting married is a load.
Even, being blessed is a load in itself because it comes with responsibilities.
If you leave your precious expensive phone with a three-day-old baby, the phone will be safe. It is not a load the baby can carry. However, you don’t want to leave that same phone with a one-year-old baby, because you could find the phone in a bowl of water. However, your big laptop is not what your one-year-old baby can carry.
It is about the strength and stamina that one possesses that determine what you can eventually do and what you dare not do.
A small 1.5KVA generator cannot carry much load. You don’t plug in your freezer on that! Your freezer can render the destiny of that generator useless. However, a 500KVA will accommodate five freezers without ‘shaking’ because it has the strength to carry such load. In life, your spirit man or inner man is like a generator, supplying power to your mind and body.
So, we see that it is important that you be built up. When you are built up, little afflictions will not render you incapacitated. Little skirmishes will not stop you from attending church service. You will not backslide because you had a breakthrough of a Million bucks. You will not fall for fornication because you sighted a hot leg!
If you begin a relationship with not enough strength and stamina, you will mess up and then break up! If you are wise, you will slow down to find out what went wrong. But you know what most of us do? We jump into another relationship because of self-esteem issues and in order to get back at our ex! You are not able to keep one person; you dabble into double dating? It won’t work out! There is no available strength from God to carry that kind of strange load in a double dating scenario.
The next question then is how can I increase stamina and strength?
You see it right there in the scriptures…
The word of God which is able to build you up…
This is what gives you strength and stamina in life. This is what determines the loads you can carry. Just like you eat food to develop your physical outlook, you have to eat God’s word regularly to develop your inner man. The mentors and fathers you admire in life are where they are because of the loads they are carrying. Your own load is there to carry. Nobody will carry it for you. Some white garment prophet or prophetess is not meant to carry the responsibility of fasting to help you discover God’s direction for your life. That is a load you must carry by yourself. That prophet has loads he would carry himself, and he is deceiving you when he tells you he will help you fast and pray.
You must be built up. You must eat God’s word regularly. Study it. Meditate on it. Read it. Memorize the verses. Listen to it on your phone. Set it before you daily. Say it. Think it. Soliloquize on it. That is how you build up the muscles of faith to deal with situations of life. When you sin, you are weakening your spirit man and his capacity to do exploits. Make up your mind today. Decide to do it God’s way. You are not built or configured to carry these loads in your own strength. You will always need God. You will always have God if you make up your mind.
It is not by power, nor by might…but His Spirit!
That way, there will be stamina to pull a relationship through courtship into marriage without compromise or breakdown along the way. It is like a vehicle. You keep on refilling with Holy Ghost fuel. You keep on maintaining it with God’s word. This applies to whatever load you are carrying, be it career, business, or ministry.
I see God’s help made available for you this month! I see God’s Spirit opening up your understanding for His revelation in your inner man. I see God coming to your rescue this month! I see God organizing helpers of destiny for you in the coming month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the strength of God in my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to carry the load I must carry and give me the strength to fulfill destiny in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Act 20:32 MSG”Now I’m turning you over to God, our marvelous God whose gracious Word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need in this community of holy friends.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be built up by His word today
I will be addressing the issue of how husbands and wives can handle stress in marriage thereby creating a more cordial and intimate atmosphere together.
I will be writing about this topic “Stress in marriage” for some days so let enjoy the ride together.
Yesterday I wrote on
1. Financial pressure
2. Handling in-laws
And today
3. Comparison trap
Bible tells us they that compare themselves with themselves are not wise.
In the NLT we have another translation:
Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with reaching other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! 2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT
It is clear from the scripture that end result of comparison is usually not palatable. Why is this? Because it is a futile effort. It is wasting precious resources of time and energy. There are no basis for comparison.
Some people compare their spouses, children, jobs, possessions, cars etc When you form the bad habit of comparing you compare everything and anything.
Everybody is uniquely different, on a uniquely different journey, on a different time table in life and destiny.
We are all from different background with different circumstances.
When you compare, you introduce stress into your marriage. It produces a strain in your relationship. So stop comparing.
4. Doing beyond our selves.
This is like stretching ourselves beyond what we could do naturally. We need to be true to ourselves. Being truthful and sincere to ourselves is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Where you know and accept your limits and you know your boundaries. You know the stage you are in, enjoy the stage not allowing anybody to push you beyond where you are.
Knowing what stage you are makes you aspire higher knowing that men are in sizes.
As couples, don’t forget we will all go through 3 stages on our married life. Seasons of not enough, Just enough and more than enough.
When you are in your season of ‘just enough’, don’t let people push you to doing like you are in more than enough season
I will stop here for today
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Stress can simply be defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
This definition helps us to understand that stress is a tension or strain and it could be mental or emotional. It could also be physical or spiritual.
Jesus talked about those who are weary and heavy laden
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NLT
Usually, since we are spirit beings, any strain on our spiritual life will have a way of impacting our whole being. Whatever affects our relationship with God affect the whole of our being.
Chief among the things that causes stress or strain on our relationship with God is sin.
So it’s possible, to have an unconfessed sin in your life and be doing through stress as a result.
Or maybe we fail to put our trust in God, or maybe we are walking in the flesh or not following the leading or guidance of the Holy spirit. All this causes us stress which will eventually cause a strain in our marriage.
A good example of this is when Abram and Sarah decided to get pregnant by Hagar and gave birth to Ishamel. There was so much strain and tension in the marriage.
Anger, strife, malice, not walking in love and all other works of the flesh also causes stress in marriage
There are some other stressors in marriage that are not as a result of sin but are the once we put on ourselves.
I will mention a few of them.
1. Financial pressure 2. Dealing with in-laws 3. Comparison 4. Doing beyond ourselves 5. Not minding our business 6. Not being able to say No 7. Being Unforgiving to our spouse 8. Not being open and transparent. 9. Unrealistic expectations 10. Ungratefulness
Now let’s handle these stressors one by name. To open our eyes to how these simple issues can bring about and cause a lot of stress to our marriage thereby causing a strain in our relationship with our loved one.
1. Financial pressures and not being able to manage our finances.
We know that money answereth all things
A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things. Ecclesiastes 10:19 KJV.
Our ability to cut our coat according to our cloth will go a long way to determine whether we will be putting a lot of stress on our marriage or not.
Delaying gratification, being able to save a little portion for the rainy day no matter his small, being prudent, living on a budget and not being sentimental are all very good virtues.
2. Dealing with in-laws.
This requires a lot of wisdom, tact, patience and working together with your spouse to make sure you are always together on the same page. The most important person in this equation is your spouse. The covenant of marriage places your spouse above your parents.
You honor your parents, bible is very clear about that but you also don’t dishonor your spouse for the sake of your parents or in-laws. There is no one answer fits all but whichever way, follow the bible and follow the Holy spirit guidelines.
There may be times you have to sacrifice beyond what you normally would have, if you are sure God is leading you, obey. God usually rewards such acts tremendously.
Let me stop here today. I will continue tomorrow by God grace.
May God grant us more understanding beyond this teaching.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
We are constantly on a journey of improving ourselves better and our skills as husbands and wives. I said skills because it takes mastering the skills of living successfully with each other.
There’s an art of talking, listening, being tolerant, handling in-laws, handling finances, being romantic, being kind and generous, being submissive to one another, praying together. They are all arts that have to be mastered in marriage.
Always remember that the marriage is made up of individuals with different ideas, opinions, viewpoints, and different ways of reasoning. Give each other space to express their individuality in the context of marriage.
Challenging each other to be better is first of all recognizing each other’s uniqueness. It is not about making your spouse your puppet, where all initiatives are dead, but about recognizing your differences and appreciating them.
You should draw each other closer to God. A closer walk with God will make the couple better, they will make one another better spouse. Encourage each other on their daily study of the word, meditation in the word, obedience to the word which is very important.
Obeying the word you read or doing what God ask you to do is more important than reading the word. Encouraging each other to have quality time alone with God is very essential not just in becoming a better christian but in becoming a better spouse.
‘And we beholding him are being transformed from one level of glory to another as by one spirit’. That is God’s word. The transformation occurs in our spirit and it is evident in our outward lives.
Rom 12:1 (Amp) “I appeal to you therefore, brethren and beg of you in view of (all) the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies (presenting all your members and faculties) as a living sacrifice holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God which is your reasonable ( rational intelligent) s ice and spiritual worship.
As you obey God, your marriage will begin to take a new toll. Marriage in the eyes of God cannot and is not meant to be lived by an non-spiritual person. It takes being spiritual and dead to the flesh to have a successful marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be exalted because God exalts the humble.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, surround me with people that will aid my destiny in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. (Proverbs 13:20 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss who you will be accountable to.
