4. She will come after you and then bring you into her territory or space for maximum control
I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves (Proverbs 7:15-18 KJV)
She had a plan all the while. She is a planner when it comes to the strange lifestyle. She will go to any extent to get what she wanted. She knows what gifts to buy to weaken the man’s resolve. She is sometimes much older and she uses her money and influence to control her prey!
The modern day “sugar mummy” is a strange woman! Run from a strange life lest strange things begin to happen! The student involved with an “aristo” is also a strange lady!
5. She is an adulterer
For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed (Proverbs 7:19-20 KJV)
Any opportunity when her husband is not around is an opportunity for her to go wild. She does not mind bringing men into her matrimonial home!
I have seen it too many times, the husband is a business man in Japan or Italy, leaves the wife in Nigeria, and she simply has a man that comes into her matrimonial bed daily! While it is not good for a man to abandon his wife for months in the name of business, there is also something strange when a woman can lie, hide, be deceptive and sleeps with other men apart from her husband for whatever reasons.
I tell singles all the time, it starts as a single. The moment you can combine more than one relationship, one in Nigeria, the other in UK, or one in Lagos and the other Abuja, deceiving both sides and promising both a marriage union, there is something really strange about that.
Such lifestyles culminate in agony at the end. It is always good for you to live your life God’s way and you know what, God does not condemn you but simply wants your repentance.
God will strengthen you as you resolve to do what is right.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall into the trap of the strange woman.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, deliver me from the strange woman.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed (Proverbs 7:19-20 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Are you noticing strange behaviours in the life of someone around you? Take action now.
A point of frustration could be deliberate or not. But if one is faced with the reality of your spouse frustrating you, what do you do?
Well, in this kind of situation, you just have to exercise patience. Have a lot of understanding and don’t react. Reacting will mean retaliating or giving it back to your spouse in the same coin or measure it is given to you.
If the frustration is as a result of some form of sickness or disease, you just have to pray to God for healing and the strength to bear your spouse’s burden.
You may be frustrated because you are not a patient person or because of temperamental differences, background differences or simply male – female differences.
If you are newly wedded, your frustration could be out of misunderstanding of the things you don’t like. Especially if you had a long distance courtship or relationship. The tendency is to want to either retaliate or withdraw from the source of your frustration or pain. Please don’t do this.
In marriage, you and your spouse are a team. United you stand and divided you fall. Know that whatever comes, you are still married and you intend to still remain married.
Let your point of frustration drive you positively to seeking help, change of character and into seeking God. You can start to pray for your spouse every day consciously. Lift your spouse up in prayer and it will be to your account.
When you are also at the point of frustration, don’t keep silent on each other and don’t seek friendship outside of the marriage. Some have done this and regretted their actions. This will only draw a big gap between the two of you. The more you grow apart, the more the gap grows and the more things get difficult.
Just know that marriage requires constant working at it. It requires daily commitment, communication and patience. There are times when all is well and rosy like heaven. There are other times when you just have to keep the flame ablaze and fan the flames.
The bottom line is, don’t give up on your marriage. Don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. The frustration you are facing is only temporary. That phase will definitely fade away.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not frustrate my spouse. I am patient with him/her.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for grace to be patient with your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Genesis 2:24, KJV “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Don’t give up on your marriage
God hates divorce. It is not always God’s best option.
Here is the scripture:
“I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. Mal.2:16 MSG
I must however be quick to say that there are genuine instances where divorce is recommended. God intends that a man and woman should be in marriage as long as they are alive, but He has also made exceptions and this is what we want to look at from the scriptures.
When people remarry under the circumstances that we will be looking at, they should not entertain any condemnation again from the devil.
1. The Question of Marital unfaithfulness The first exception for divorce that God made has to do with unfaithfulness. This has to do with adulterous sin or any other sexual sin.
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32 KJV)
When there is marital unfaithfulness and sexual sin is involved, the marriage covenant is broken. As a result of this, the other spouse is freed. There have been cases where the spouse is willing to forgive and move on especially in instances where he or she has indirectly contributed to the spouses’ infidelity. But in cases where the spouse is unrepentant from the unfaithfulness, divorce becomes valid.
The reasons are obvious. A man or woman who is sexually and unrepentantly promiscuous can bring home a sexually transmitted disease. This cannot be God’s will. I once watched a documentary of seven women who all tested positive to HIV and the disease was already at an advanced stage. In each of the instances, the woman had been faithful, but had been unfortunately married to an unfaithful man who transmitted the disease! They faced their deaths because they were married to sexually irresponsible men!
2. The Question of Abandonment or Desertion The next scenario is when the spouse is unsaved and really wants to end the marriage. This often plays out by the uninterested spouse walking away from the marriage and abandoning his or her spouse. In such cases, the spouse is not obligated to stay.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV)
When the person abandoned gets remarried, it is not considered adultery. I have had to handle cases where some women’s husbands have abandoned them for upward of ten years! The emotional trauma and sense of isolation is tremendous and some of such women have gone on to become women of easy virtue because of the obvious vulnerability. When a spouse walks away for some five to seven years, something is definitely wrong somewhere. He keeps promising he is going to come back, but he might never! You need to answer the questions above.
3. The Question of Intense brutality which can be physical, mental, and or sexual abuse This is another valid reason for divorce. It is not easy to live with a man who you are not sure of his love for you. Having to live in the same house with a man who can strangle you and end your life before daylight can be very crushing. When either spouse has been brutalized, this is often seen as equivalent to ‘desertion.’ It is often called constructive desertion.
When your life is no longer safe, when you have been battered over and over again, it is not worth it in such marriages. Not a few women have lost their lives in the hands of abusive spouses. If your spouse attacks you physically and then apologizes and stops, please kindly embrace him back. It is not appropriate to jump to a conclusion and head for divorce because of a mistake he makes after you aggravated him.
But talking candidly to men, never raise your hand against your wife. It is not manly and it is not godly. That woman was given to you so that you can protect her, not end her life. I know some ladies can be very sharp-mouthed and extremely rude, but when you see her as one with you, you will patiently resolve all issues rather than resort to violence.
When your spouse forces you into sexual sins and into perversions, don’t keep quiet. Seek help and seek counsel. Ask him questions.
In conclusion, I will still tell you that divorce is never the best! Do all you can to fight for your marriage until it becomes absolutely impossible to continue in that marriage! This also means that such flimsy excuses as irreconcilable differences, lack of love, incompatibility, different career goals, and so on are not valid grounds for divorce.
For singles, you can prevent divorce by not rushing into a marriage with a man you don’t know. You don’t go into marriage haphazardly; you go into it deliberately, intentionally, and consciously following God’s plan and injunctions.
Happy new month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I ask the right questions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to ask the right questions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mal 2:15 (GW)Didn’t God make you one? Your flesh and spirit belong to him. And what does the same God look for but godly descendants? So be careful not to be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
I am devoting a lot of time on these love languages because it is a key element in having a fulfilling marriage. Once you understand your spouse’s love language and the God factor is involved in your marriage, at least, a large percentage of understanding yourselves and loving yourselves is guaranteed.
When you understand your wife’s love language and endeavor to speak it, half of the marital issues are solved.
When you love your wife the way she wants to be loved, you will see a new radiance on her. Then she will blossom, she will be more responsive, more cooperative and supportive. She will have more energy and her creative juice will be more alive.
She will be happy and the home will be more calm and peaceful. Your wife will be that joyful wife you have always dreamt she will be. There will be unity among you and you will be able to fulfill God’s mandate of one chasing one hundred and two of you chasing ten thousand.
The 5 love languages are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time and Attention
Acts of Service
Gifts
Physical touch
Let’s look at another love language today.
3. Acts of Service This is a beautiful way of showing that you care and love your wife. But don’t try to speak this love language if this is not your wife’s love language. A wife may get irritated at your wanting to help her do her “duties”.
A wife may frown at the idea of her husband coming to the kitchen or cooking dinner. She may even put up a fight, saying that her husband thinks she is a lazy brat that cannot cook. She may even say her husband thinks her food is not sweet.
Any woman that feels that way, definitely her love language is not acts of service or maybe she prefers the acts of service in another way. You will know it is your wife’s love language when she demands that you help her do stuffs.
She will always call on you to help her do things, unlike the wife who has all the energy and will do everything so that even if you want to help, there is nothing to help with.
You communicate love to a wife whose love language is acts of service by doing things for her. You help her with dishes, the kids, laundry, throwing the trash, cleaning the house, cooking, packing her clothes and everything that she needs help for.
Here, the husband must enjoy helping her before she can sense love. If you are too busy, you have to employ people that can help her out. In her frustration, she may cry out that she is slaving herself for you.
Some wives are satisfied when you do things for them. They don’t even want gifts as such. Once you are doing things for her, she’s okay.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am becoming a loving husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, teach me to understand my wife.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25-26 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Pay attention to loving your wife
