In Olanrewaju Village, Adeola and Folake’s love story was once the heartbeat of the village’s tales. Adeola, a robust farmer, was as steadfast as the land he tilled. Folake, celebrated for her beauty and intellect, brought radiant energy to their marriage. However, five years on, the spark that once lit up their union had dimmed, casting long, silent shadows over their lively home.
One evening, Adeola returned home from the fields with big yams and fresh vegetables. He approached Folake with a broad smile, expecting to see her face light up with joy. “Folake, look at what I’ve brought for you,” Adeola said proudly.
Folake glanced at the bounty but her face fell. She sighed, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Adeola, it’s not about the yams or the vegetables,” she began. “I don’t feel loved.”
Adeola stood there, bewildered. In his culture, love was shown through actions, not words. “Folake, what do you mean?” Adeola asked. “I work hard every day to provide for you. I built this house for us. How can you say I don’t love you?”
Folake sighed deeply. “Adeola, it’s not just about the things you do. It’s the little things. You never say anything nice to me. You never compliment me. I need to hear that you love me.”
Adeola frowned. “Folake, if I didn’t love you, would I have married you? Think about it. Every day, I work the fields so we have food to eat. Isn’t that love?”
Folake shook her head, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I appreciate everything you do, but love is more than just providing. When was the last time you told me I looked beautiful? Or that you were proud of me? I need to hear those words, Adeola.”
Adeola’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Actions speak louder than words. When I built that house, I was showing you my love. Words are just… words. They don’t mean anything if they aren’t backed up by actions.”
Folake’s voice trembled. “But to me, words mean everything. They give life to your actions. Without them, your actions feel hollow. I feel invisible, Adeola. It’s like I’m just another part of your routine, not the woman you fell in love with.”
Adeola sought advice from his friend, Chinedu, who had recently returned from the city with new perspectives on marriage and relationships.
Chinedu listened attentively. “Adeola, some people need to hear words of affirmation to feel loved. It’s not enough to show love through actions alone; you must also express it through words.”
“But how do I start?” Adeola asked.
“Start small,” Chinedu advised. “Begin with genuine compliments and expressions of gratitude. Tell her what she means to you. It might feel awkward at first, but with time, it will become natural.”
One afternoon, during one of his visits, Adeola saw Chinedu writing a love letter to his wife, Sade. “What are you writing, Chinedu?” Adeola asked.
“I’m writing a love letter to Sade,” Chinedu replied. “Words have power, Adeola. Sometimes, writing them down makes them even more special.”
Intrigued, Adeola asked, “But what do you write about?”
“I write about how much I appreciate her, the little things she does that make my day brighter. I remind her of our fond memories and our dreams. It’s not always grand declarations; sometimes, it’s the small, everyday things that matter most.”
Adeola was silent, digesting this new perspective. “Do you think Folake would appreciate something like this?”
“Absolutely. Every woman wants to feel cherished and valued. Words can touch the heart in ways that actions sometimes can’t.”
Determined to save his marriage, Adeola decided to change. The next morning, he woke up early and prepared breakfast for Folake. When she awoke, Adeola looked into her eyes and said, “You are the most beautiful woman in Olanrewaju Village, Folake. Your smile brightens my day more than the sun.”
From that day on, Adeola made a conscious effort to compliment Folake daily. Their relationship began to flourish once more.
During the annual village festival, Adeola took Folake’s hand and said, “Folake, you are my heart’s desire, the melody to my song, and the light to my path. I love you more than words can say.”
The crowd erupted in applause, and Folake, overwhelmed with emotion, embraced Adeola tightly. Their love had been rekindled, not by grand gestures, but by the simple, yet profound power of complimentary words.
In a vibrant African village, Amina and her husband Ibrahim embark on a journey of love and resilience. Their marriage, rooted in deep devotion and shared dreams, faces numerous challenges, especially concerning expectations regarding their in-laws. This story explores their struggles, the importance of communication and compromise, and the lessons they learn along the way.
Amina’s upbringing instilled in her the belief that a wife is a helpmeet. Her mother often reminded her, “Amina, a wife is more than a partner; she is a helpmeet.” Embracing this wisdom, Amina dedicated herself to supporting Ibrahim in every way possible. Understanding the demands of agricultural life, she ensured Ibrahim was well-fed and nourished, preparing his favorite dishes with special herbs and spices to invigorate him. Her kitchen became a sanctuary of love, symbolizing her care and devotion.
Despite their strong bond, Amina and Ibrahim’s marriage was tested by their differing backgrounds and expectations regarding in-laws. Amina came from a family that prioritized respect and deference to elders, believing Ibrahim should honor her parents and involve them in major decisions. Conversely, Ibrahim valued independence, thinking marriage meant establishing a separate, autonomous household free from parental interference. This fundamental clash soon led to tension, especially with Amina’s parents frequently visiting unannounced and offering advice, which Ibrahim found suffocating. Simultaneously, Ibrahim’s parents felt neglected and disrespected due to Amina’s infrequent visits and lack of deference.
The tensions reached a boiling point during a family gathering. Both sets of parents were present, leading to a heated confrontation. Amina’s father suggested diversifying the farm’s crops, but Ibrahim, feeling undermined, refused. The situation escalated when Amina’s brother reminded Ibrahim of their financial support, leading to Ibrahim demanding they leave his house. This outburst shocked everyone, causing a deep rift in their relationships. However, Amina caught between loyalty to her family and love for her husband, sought a way to reconcile the conflicting expectations.
In the aftermath, Amina sought solace in prayer and reached out to a wise village elder. The elder emphasized the importance of balance in marriage, advising Amina to honor her parents while creating a space for her marriage to thrive independently. Inspired by this wisdom, Amina approached Ibrahim with a plan to set specific times for family visits and discussions, aiming to involve their parents without letting them control their lives. Ibrahim agreed, and together they implemented this plan.
Amina and Ibrahim decided to host a family meeting to openly discuss their feelings and establish clear expectations. They prepared a feast to create a relaxed atmosphere and invited both sets of parents and Amina’s brother. During the meeting, they expressed their desire to balance family involvement with marital independence. The parents, understanding the couple’s perspective, acknowledged their overbearing behavior and agreed to respect the new boundaries. The meeting fostered mutual understanding and paved the way for improved communication.
The couple’s plan involved setting regular visiting hours and clear boundaries for seeking advice. Over time, these measures eased the tension, and both sets of parents began to respect the couple’s autonomy. Amina and Ibrahim’s home became a place of harmony and mutual respect. The village admired their commitment to balancing family obligations with marital independence.
Lessons Learnt
Through their journey, Amina and Ibrahim learned valuable lessons that Amina shared with the women of her village:
1. Support Your Husband: Amina’s unwavering support for Ibrahim in his farming endeavors highlighted the importance of being a helpmeet.
2. Communicate Openly: Open discussions about fears, challenges, and dreams strengthened their bond and addressed misunderstandings.
3. Establish Boundaries: Clear boundaries with in-laws allowed their marriage to thrive independently.
4. Balance Respect and Independence: Amina balanced respect for her parents with the need for autonomy in her marriage.
5. Seek Guidance and Support: External advice from a village elder provided valuable insights and solutions.
6. Be a Source of Peace: Amina created a tranquil home environment, a sanctuary for both partners.
7. Fight Together: Facing challenges as a team strengthened their marital bond.
8. Demonstrate Patience and Perseverance: Amina’s patience and perseverance were key to overcoming in-law issues.
There are so many things that couples know that singles don’t have a clue about. I know some singles won’t agree…until they marry!
Being in a committed relationship can be a unique and transformative experience. Here are the top ten things that couples know that singles may not have an idea of.
1. Love is a Choice.
Couples know that love is not just a feeling, but a conscious decision to prioritize and commit to each other every day. Singles think they will forever feel love towards their spouse after the wedding! Should we tell them? The reality is that you will wake up some days and won’t feel an iota of love. Love then becomes a choice, a decision you make, not because of what you feel. Feelings are fleeting and fickle, so you cannot rely on them.
2. Communication is Key.
Couples understand that effective communication is crucial for building trust, resolving conflicts, and deepening their connection. Couples know they have to keep talking whether they like it or not. Singles think they will naturally flow all the time, but sometimes a spouse wants to be alone. Effort must be made to sustain communication at such times.
3. Intimacy Goes Beyond Sex.
This is one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that intimacy encompasses emotional vulnerability, trust, and a deep sense of connection that transcends physical intimacy. Couples know that intimacy is not all about marriage; they know that beyond intimacy, there are deeper cords that bind the couple together.
4. Compromise is Essential.
Couples have learned that finding common ground and compromising is vital for navigating differences and building a strong partnership. Singles can stubbornly stay with their opinion and think that is the way it is generally. But couples know you have to find a middle ground within the context of God’s word most of the time.
5. Independence is Important.
Couples recognize that maintaining individuality and personal interests is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. This is what will prevent unnecessary meltdowns during mid-life crises.
6. Fights are Inevitable and Necessary.
Couples know that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship and can actually strengthen their bond if navigated constructively. Singles can sweep things under the carpet or even pretend to be nice. But in marriage, things happen live in 3D! Good couples have learned to disagree without being disagreeable. Some singles are under the illusion that they will never disagree because they are “in love.”
7. Supporting Each Other’s Growth.
Couples understand the importance of supporting each other’s personal growth, goals, and aspirations. Couples know they are limited when they are not together. They know the reality of one chasing a thousand and two chasing ten thousand. Couples know they have to be on the same page.
8. Vulnerability is a Strength.
Couples have learned that being vulnerable and open with each other is a sign of strength, not weakness. Couples have realized the importance of the following scripture:
Jas 5:16 (TPT) Confess and acknowledge how you have offended one another and then pray for one another to be instantly healed, for tremendous power is released through the passionate, heartfelt prayer of a godly believer!
They know that vulnerability is strength! Period! It requires courage to peel back the layers, revealing one’s true self to another.
9. Relationships Take Work.
This is another one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that relationships require effort, patience, and dedication to maintain and deepen their connection. Some singles are living on fantasy island. Couples know they have to work on their marriage. They know that marriage only works when they have decided to work at it. Like tending to a delicate garden, they nurture the seeds of love and tend to its growth, watering it with kindness, understanding, and unwavering devotion.
10. Unconditional Love is Real.
Couples have experienced the transformative power of unconditional love and acceptance, which can bring a profound sense of security and joy to their relationship. It is a love that transcends flaws, imperfections, and the changing tides of life. Couples know that a love that is not selfish but selfless is what will get the job done.
By recognizing and embracing these truths, couples can build a strong, resilient, and loving partnership that brings happiness and fulfillment to both individuals.
Hey there, ladies! Have you ever wondered what makes a man tick? What do they really want in a partner? Today, we’re going to dive into the top 10 qualities that men desire in a woman. And trust me, it’s not just about looks or physical attraction. There’s so much more to it!
1. Confidence.
Let’s face it, guys love a woman who exudes confidence. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about embracing your imperfections and owning them with poise. Confidence can be sexy!
How can a woman develop confidence? Firstly, a woman can build confidence by:
a. Focusing on what she’s good at and what she’s achieved.
b. Being kind to herself and taking care of her physical and emotional needs.
c. Surrounding herself with God, His Word, and with people who support and encourage her.
The Scripture declares in 1 Peter 3:3-4 that “What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.”
2. Intelligence.
Men are drawn to women who can hold their own in a conversation. This is one of the Qualities That Men Desire. They love a good debate, a witty remark, or a clever joke. So, don’t be afraid to show off your brainpower, ladies! A man wants a lady who he can talk to and engage in friendly banter and conversations.
Why do men leave a big and clearer television at home to go and watch a global match in a club in a less comfortable environment? It is because of those friendly conversations and banters! Ladies, develop yourself! Know one or two things about the club he loves. Learn to sustain conversations!
Men are attracted to women who are curious and interested in learning and who can hold intelligent conversations and share their own insights.
Proverbs 18:15 says “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.”
To develop your intelligence as a lady, here are a few things you can do:
a. Read widely and often, exploring different topics and interests.
b. Engage in conversations with people from different backgrounds and industries.
c. Take classes or workshops to learn new skills and expand your knowledge.
d. Ask questions and seek to understand different perspectives.
3. Empathy.
Empathy is one of the Qualities That Men Desire in a Woman. Guys appreciate a woman who can understand their struggles, validate their emotions, and offer support. Be that safe haven for your partner, and watch your relationship flourish!
Men crave emotional connection and intimacy, just like women do. Men often feel like they’re not being heard or understood, especially when it comes to their emotions.
When a woman can understand and validate a man’s emotions, it breaks traditional gender roles and stereotypes, allowing for a more equal and balanced relationship. These are some reasons why men crave such a woman who can provide these.
This is why it is good to pray to God before making marital decisions. There are some ladies who lack these qualities and yet they are on their way to developing them. In other words, they didn’t have it yet, but they inherently have all it takes to be that kind of woman.
You see people change with time. A man has to be discerning. Conversely, there can be a woman who seems to possess these qualities, and yet it would be fleeting and temporary. When pressures come, she melts like a pot of stew!
Pray and pray very well to be led by God in making your decisions! Only God knows who will love you now and would still love you in another thirty or forty years!
4 Strategies to Overcome Comparison in Relationships
Comparison can be a destructive force in relationships, often leading to dissatisfaction, insecurity, and resentment.
There is no iota of wisdom in comparing yourself on any level. In life, you should understand that you are not competing with anybody; you are only competing with yourself!
“For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12 KJV)
As singles or couples, how do you escape the comparison trap as the initiator or the victim? Here are four strategies to escape the comparison trap and nurture strong, fulfilling relationships.
1. Do not compare your new relationship with that of your ex.
This can end a promising relationship quickly or bring unnecessary friction into a marriage. Let your ex be!
Never allow your ex to become an executive in your next relationship!
Comparing your current relationship to past ones can hinder growth and intimacy. Each relationship is unique, with its own dynamics and potential. Constantly dwelling on past experiences can prevent you from fully investing in the present.
Move into the new season that God has given you and stop looking back.
Nobody drives a car by looking at the rear mirror all the time. There will be a marital accident like that.
The comparison trap can put your spouse or spouse-to-be under unnecessary pressures and try to live up to your expectations.
This way, you end up losing your identity and personality and whittle yourself away in your bid to become like another person.
You cannot live all your life trying to keep up with someone or trying to look like one person. You will sap yourself of precious energy and you can’t have focus like that! It is not a wise decision.
Acknowledge the lessons learned from past relationships and focus on building a future with your current partner.
2. Love yourself and love your partner.
At the root of the perpetual comparison trap is that you don’t love yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself as God’s gift to this generation and stop dwelling on what you don’t have and can’t do.
When a lady doesn’t love herself, it can lead to many problems and issues. The lady, if not careful, can end up sleeping with any available person trying to search for her identity, looking for love, and somebody to affirm her. Sadly, the more she searches in the wrong places, the more elusive that which she desperately wants becomes.
Also, when you are married to a spouse you don’t love, maybe you are attracted because of money, at the end of the day, you will get tired of the money because there is a need in every person to love and to be loved genuinely.
When you love money more than yourself and it influences your decisions, at the expense of God’s direction, that is what the scripture refers to as the root of all evils.
By learning to love and accept oneself, individuals can enter relationships from a place of strength rather than neediness.
3. Don’t be jealous of others’ achievements.
When you always go green with envy or jealousy at others’ achievements, it is a bad attitude you need to deal with.
Jealousy and envy are toxic emotions that poison relationships. Practice empathy and genuine happiness for their successes. Recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and another’s success does not diminish your worth or potential.
The Bible says you should rejoice with those who rejoice. When you have a spiritual understanding that one man’s testimony is another man’s prophecy, you will cease getting jealous of others.
4. Don’t look at others to see what new thing to do; rather, seek God’s face.
You ought to get direction from God, not what somebody is doing or not doing. Stop looking at others for validation or direction.
You need to learn to be secure in God.
You don’t get married because your friends are getting married.
You don’t jump into any available relationship, irrespective of the man’s spiritual standing just because all your friends are in a relationship.
Allow God to lead you in your season. There is a uniqueness of destinies and you should understand that.
I pray that this season will yield its increase unto you in Jesus’ name! Be blessed today and have a fruitful week ahead of you!
