As we continue reflecting on how we can make our relationships and marriages better in this new year, I wish to show you one key principle that I believe will surely make things better in your life. It’s in the book of Ephesians:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
This is one verse that shows us that love is not just words (nor emotions), it requires effort. It can be easy to profess love verbally, but can you decide to really ACT IN LOVE this year and beyond? Don’t just SAY LOVE, ACT LOVE. Without corresponding actions of love, our profession of love can easily become like the noise of a clanging cymbal to our person. The Scripture says to be “patient, bearing with one another IN LOVE,” meaning that it is love that produces this action. Love always produces corresponding actions, so don’t just verbalize love, DO love.
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3: 16 NKJV
What is your love making you DO? You need to start asking yourself this question.
Love should make you strive to be a better partner.
Love should make you be patient, and bear with your spouse. For singles, this is not saying you should go ahead and marry someone who is already verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing you even when you are not yet married. To you, I say, “Flee o.”
Love will make you go out of your way to seek the good of your partner.
Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect. Love does not selfishly seek its own honor.
Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 TPT
Do you have the DOINGS of love, or is it just the SAYINGS?
Selah.
P.S.:
For singles, don’t just be carried away with the nice words, look beyond… look for the actions.
Ever feel like you’re saying the same thing over and over, but it’s just not landing? Welcome to the world of nagging. We’ve all been there—you’re just trying to get your husband to understand or take action, but instead, it feels like you’re talking to a wall. Here’s the thing: nagging often stems from miscommunication rather than malice. You’re trying to get your point across, but your partner feels like they’re being constantly critiqued.
Think about it: if your husband feels like they’re always falling short, they’re going to shut down emotionally. Imagine being told you’re not doing enough, even when you’re trying. That’s a fast track to resentment, right? So, how do we fix this? Switch it up with “I” statements. Instead of “You never help around the house,” try, “I feel overwhelmed managing all the chores alone.” Boom—less blame, more feelings. You’re opening the door for a real conversation rather than starting a fight.
Another pro tip: schedule time to talk. You wouldn’t pop a major question in the middle of a TikTok binge, so why bring up heavy topics out of nowhere? Setting time aside to discuss concerns means you’re both mentally prepared, and you’re more likely to find solutions rather than trading jabs. Plus, you can team up to tackle issues, not just point fingers. Teamwork = Dreamwork.
Stop Comparing Him to Others
Comparison—it’s a relationship killer. We’ve all done it, even if we don’t want to admit it. Maybe you’ve thought, Why can’t he be more like that guy on Instagram? But let’s be real—constantly comparing your husband to others, whether it’s your best friend’s husband or some celebrity, is not the move.
Here’s why: when you compare, you’re telling your partner they’re not enough. That’s a one-way ticket to insecurity town. It chips away at their self-worth, and suddenly, instead of being partners, you’re in a weird competition. So, rather than focusing on what your partner isn’t, celebrate who they are. No, they might not have Thor’s biceps, but do they make your coffee just the way you like it every morning? That’s gold.
Start giving props for the little things, like folding laundry without being asked or listening to your latest Netflix rant. These small acts of appreciation can change the vibe of your relationship. It’s not about lowering standards, it’s about recognizing that everyone’s unique. When you start appreciating your partner for who they are, not who they could be, you build a foundation of respect and love.
Stop Bringing Up the Past: Let’s Leave It Behind, Shall We?
If you’re constantly revisiting old arguments like they’re a greatest hits album, it’s time for a change. Dwelling on past mistakes can seriously stunt your relationship’s growth. Every time you bring up “that thing” from two years ago, you’re pulling your relationship back into negativity. It’s like dragging a dead weight around when you could be sprinting into the future.
Look, it’s natural to remember past hurts, but living in them? That’s where things go wrong. Instead of holding onto grudges, work on being present. Focus on what’s happening now and how you can both move forward. Also, forgiveness is key. Not the fake, “Yeah, I forgive you but I’ll bring it up in every argument” type. Real forgiveness. It’s more about freeing yourself than letting them off the hook. You’re letting go so you can heal and grow as a couple.
And hey, if the past still feels like an elephant in the room, consider couples therapy. Sometimes an unbiased third party can help you both see things more clearly and give you the tools to navigate the heavy stuff without rehashing old drama.
Stop Trying to Change Him: Spoiler—He’s Not Your Project
We all have things we’d like to “fix” about our partners, but here’s a hot take: trying to change someone is a losing game. Your husband is not a DIY project from Pinterest. Pressuring him to change his personality or habits is just going to backfire, leaving both of you feeling frustrated.
Here’s the kicker: the traits you want to change might be the very things that attracted you in the first place. Maybe he’s laid back, and that’s great when you’re stressed out, but annoying when he’s late for everything. You have to appreciate the whole package. Trying to force change can make your partner feel like they’re not enough, which tanks their confidence and strains your relationship.
Instead of fixating on what you want them to be, try appreciating who they are. If you’ve got real concerns, have a conversation about it. It’s not about demanding change—it’s about finding a balance where both of you can grow. Encourage personal growth, but let it happen naturally, without making them feel like they’re under construction.
Final Thoughts: Keep It Real
Let’s face it, relationships are work. But they’re also where we find some of life’s greatest joys. The key is in how we communicate, appreciate, and navigate the bumps along the way. So, whether you’re curbing the urge to nag, ditching comparisons, or letting go of past hurts, remember: it’s all about growing together, not apart.
Have you ever wondered what makes some couples (either singles in courtship or already married) so obviously in love and devoted to each other? You know, there’s something truly magical about being in a happy, romantic relationship. It’s like you’ve got this secret code that unlocks a whole new world of joy and wonder. And the best part? It’s all thanks to the little things you and your partner do for each other every single day.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Pastor Dunamis, what are these little things you speak of?” Well, let me tell you, dear ones. It all starts with gratitude – that sweet nectar of love that keeps the fire burning bright.
1. They express gratitude and appreciation for each other regularly.
You see, the most romantic couples out there are like a bunch of love-struck teenagers, constantly expressing their appreciation for each other. It’s like they’ve got this never-ending supply of “thank you’s” and “I love you’s” just waiting to be unleashed, like a secret stash of love letters hidden under the mattress.
And you know what? It works! Because when you feel appreciated, it’s like someone just lit a match inside of you. You want to do more, be more, and give more to your partner. It’s like this beautiful dance of love and appreciation that just keeps on spinning, like a couple of lovebirds twirling around in the moonlight.
As singles in courtship, if your loved one never appreciates or compliments you, it may not likely change after the wedding. Be careful.
2. They fight fairly and see conflict as an opportunity to learn and grow together.
What more? Happy couples also know how to fight fair. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Fighting? In a romantic relationship? We will never fight, we are so much in love. But hear me out. Conflict is inevitable; it will happen if both of you are not pretenders.
They compromise, make sacrifices, and never lose sight of the greater good of their relationship. It’s like they’ve got this secret code: “We’re in this together, babe. Let’s figure it out, one step at a time.”
3. They ask for what they need, understand each other’s differences, and make space for the other person’s needs.
They ask for what they need because let’s face it, we’re all different people with different needs, and these couples understand that. They make space for each other to be their authentic selves, never suffocating one another or allowing their individualities to be subdued. As singles in courtship, your voice should not be muted. The ability to express your needs intelligently is part of the qualities of a great relationship.
They speak their partner’s love language, which can be different for everyone.
4. They speak their partner’s love language, which can be different for everyone.
It’s like they’ve got this secret language of love, where they speak to each other in the way that resonates most. For some, it’s gifts; for others, it’s quality time, like a spontaneous weekend getaway to a cozy little bed and breakfast, where they can escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life and just bask in each other’s company.
They whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, like a secret love poem written just for two. They shower each other with compliments and affirmations, like a gentle rain nourishing the seeds of love that have been planted deep within their hearts.+
5. They do chores together, which helps build trust and closeness while keeping resentment at bay.
They do chores together, which might not sound sexy, but trust me, it’s like a secret love potion.
Cooking together, with playful banter and stolen kisses as they chop veggies and stir sauces. Cleaning together, with impromptu dance parties breaking out in the living room as they vacuum and dust. It’s all about building that trust and closeness that keeps resentment at bay, like a protective force field around their love.
6. They make time for physical affection, touching, and snuggling.
And let’s not forget about physical affection, my friends. These couples are like a bunch of new lovers, constantly touching, hugging, and kissing each other. It’s like they’ve got this secret stash of oxytocin just waiting to be released, flooding their bodies with warmth and affection. Kindly note that this is not encouraged for singles. It is clear from God’s word that sex is reserved for after the wedding with your spouse.
They hold hands as they stroll around, their fingers intertwined like vines clinging to each other for support. They steal quick pecks on the cheek as they pass each other in the hallway, like a secret handshake shared only between the two of them.
7. They share more meaningful topics and intimate details of their lives.
These couples also share the deep, meaningful parts of their lives. They talk about their dreams, their hopes, their fears – it’s like they’ve got this secret club where they can be their most authentic selves without fear of judgment. Nothing is hidden.
They bare their souls to each other, and in return, they are met with understanding, compassion, and unwavering support, like a warm embrace on a cold winter’s night.
8. A deep, spiritual connection that transcends the physical realm.
They know that true love is a gift from the divine, a sacred bond that is meant to be nurtured and cherished.
Like the beautiful words found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
These verses serve as a guiding light for these couples, reminding them that true love is not just a fleeting emotion but a conscious choice they make every single day. They choose to be patient with each other’s flaws and imperfections, just as God is patient with us. They choose to be kind, even when the world around them is harsh and unforgiving.
So, my dear friends, take heart and take inspiration from these couples who have unlocked the secret to a truly fulfilling and romantic relationship. Let their love be a beacon of hope, guiding you toward a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner. And always remember that with faith, patience, and a whole lot of love, anything is possible.
We have been looking at this topic building to last in marriage for some time now and I will be taking the concluding part of the same topic.
I pray and sincerely hope this message will bring couples to ways they can discuss this together to find their own way of implementing the points. There may be ways based on their peculiar situation, they could adapt the points discussed here.
8. Never talk bad about your spouse to anybody
Respect the covenant between you. Let no one be able to come between you. Don’t betray trust. Defend each other. Don’t fight with each other but fight for each other. Don’t fight your spouse because of any other person. Don’t give any other person the privilege of being more special than your spouse. It will backfire. What is between the two of you cannot be compared with any other relationship.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
9. Love jeru trip
Enjoy Jerusalem trips. It is pleasure to both of you. Never get tired of each other. Give yourself to one another unhindered
10. Keep the word ‘divorce’ out of your dictionary
Remember your marriage vows. It is till death do us part. There are no problems without solutions. There are issues, challenges but there are ways of handling them. We may not be patient enough or seek God’s face enough to find a lasting solution. God has promised us a way of escape.
Jesus said in John 14:6, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life
Have a bulldog approach to your marriage. Whatever happens, God can restore and make all things new. That doesn’t mean staying in an abusive relationship and environment. Seek all the help you can get for your marriage to be better.
11. Understand each other’s love language
Your love language is like your native mother language, you are most comfortable speaking it and have a free flow with it. Just like you speak the language your spouse understands, you must be willing to learn and understand your spouse’s love language. Don’t insist on your own way of expressing love.
Try to please your spouse. Do whatever he/ she likes and best expresses that you love and care for him/her.
It is either it is gifts, words, touch, actions, or quality time. If it is words, learn to speak tender and kind words to your spouse. Don’t be harsh with your words. Don’t correctly sharply.
If gifts, surprise each other with gifts, do this frequently.
If actions, help to do the dishes, throw the garbage out, wash the car, etc, just offer to do something.
12. Spice up your marriage with little gestures.
Surprise each other with gifts, kisses, and sex. That shows you are thinking of your spouse. Let your spouse know that you are still in love with them.
Kiss passionately, hold hands, cuddle and show public display of affection. Look into each other’s eyes when talking. Be deeply concerned about each other. Look out for yourselves and ask whatever may be happening to your spouse emotionally, physically, or otherwise.
May God bless our marriage as we put these things into practice.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse wholeheartedly.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me how to trust my spouse in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; 1Ti 2:1
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to show genuine love to your spouse.
First of all, there is a difference between one’s love language being “gifts” and when one is just being covetous or greedy.
If your fiancé/fiancée/spouse’s love language is gifts, what it means is that until you start appreciating him or her with gifts in a consistent manner, he or she will not feel loved.
How do you know if someone is not just being greedy?
1. Do or Die?
He will not always demand gifts in a do-or-die manner.
2. Love Gives
When you are in a relationship, and no gifts are forthcoming, there may be an issue there because love gives.
What if he or she has no money or has no job? As I said, a gift is a gift and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Writing her a poem is a gift!
Buying him one tiny little chocolate is a gift! What is important is not the gift itself, it is the gesture that brings assurance of being loved and cared for.
When you are able to give gifts in the midst of not too much provision, you will also be able to do so when you eventually have more income.
Your giving spirit is more of an attitude than spending power.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered. Kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals, kindly go HERE
3. Love is patient
He will not back out just because gifts are not forthcoming. She will not break the relationship because you are not financially buoyant.
4. He will not just be a receiver
He will not just be demanding while he folds his arms and never gives back. Love gives.
5. Giving Back
He will give away gifts too because that is the language he understands and that is what he craves. She would want to give back gifts as well.
6. Gift is not Payment
When a lady gives out her body for money, that is not about love language because what she gets is no longer ‘gifts’ it has become an illegal payment for services rendered and that is not God’s order.
7. Conclusion
In conclusion, and in expressing this language, let God’s word guide you and keep you within godly boundaries.
Don’t borrow to give gifts. Don’t take a loan just to impress someone. Don’t start what you cannot sustain. Don’t spend the money you don’t have to buy things that are not needed in order to impress people that are not looking.
May God grant more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not greedy.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love correctly.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Joh 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes, should not perish, but have everlasting life.
