COUPLES – There are certain challenging situations that may arise in marriage. One of this is handling an affair. There are two sides to this situation; there is the part of the erring spouse and that of the other spouse.
In an affair or adultery, the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair, the responsibility is on him/her. The responsibility of the other spouse is just to be supportive and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers to God for healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary; this is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s see some practical steps in handling an affair.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront, you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy you.
You should call it a sin and not just a mistake; it is not confrontation when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask For Forgiveness
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek Help And Support
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know, or there are principles you are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed.
This is the time to search for books that talks about how to handle lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse, etc.
What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened; when light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pit-fall will help you avoid such next time.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to honor my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to Bea faithful spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. –Psalms 34:1 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the above steps of you are guilty.
Our part in the marriage covenant is to obey every instruction in the word of God. This should be your resolve, that your marriage before God is obeying Ephesians 5: 22-26, whether you feel like obeying or not, is not the issue. See what it says;
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. –Ephesians 5:22-26 (NLT)
We also despise whatever we feel or think, which keeps us from obeying the scripture above, just as Jesus despised the shame of the cross. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Necessity is laid on us to carry our cross of fulfilling our marriage covenant.
The Bible says;
If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. –Matthew 10:38 (NLT)
We become worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus when we carry our cross daily and follow Jesus. We carry our cross by obeying Him despite how or what we feel like or don’t feel like doing to and for our spouse.
Our marriage is a responsibility that we must not fail to fulfill, it is spelled out in Ephesians 5: 22-26. What husbands should focus on doing as well as what wives should focus on doing, each party must focus on his/her part of the deal.
We owe our spouse to appropriately respond to our part in our covenant with them. To make sure we provide a conducive environment that will not leave our spouse vulnerable to the attacks and lies of the devil.
We owe our spouses to conduct ourselves in such a way that makes them comfortable in our presence; we do this by being submissive, loving, caring, forgiving, available, etc.
We owe our spouses to be covenant partners in all ways and all aspects of our lives and existence, whether spiritual, in the soul realm, or physically.
We owe our spouses to surround them so that we shut the door against the senseless and foolish sin of adultery and every form of emotional affairs.
I pray God grants us understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY: I will not fail God and my Spouse, I keep the covenant of marriage, and I am a good wife/ husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY: Father in the name Jesus, I declare that I have the help of the Holy Spirit concerning my life and marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. –Ephesians 5:22-26 (NLT)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY: Make a list of the things you need to make amends on and start working on them.
Apart from the fact that marriage is a wonderful relationship with the one you love, there is also the responsibility part. There is something always there to remind us of this truth. Yet for some of us, our flesh, stubborn self, ego, revenge, tit for tat, strife, and unforgiving spirit keep us constantly on loggerheads with our spouse.
When you view your marriage from another perspective, from the perspective of Covenant, it will change the way you approach your marriage.
My husband, during one of our midweek services, taught along this line. It was such a blessing and it changed my perspective about my marriage forever.
God is cutting a new covenant with His people. To God, our marriage is about the covenant and not just about our spouse.
And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. –Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 (NLT)
More so, God was in Christ when He cut a new covenant with us by His blood. Jesus became both the offering and the offerer when He had to fulfill the demands of the law to set us free from death and its consequences. Jesus took the cross, suffered great agony, and endured such shame and pain that He might see us free.
When you begin to see your marriage as a vital part of you, and that Jesus paid the price for you, you will have no choice but to sit up.
Just like the Israelites, Pharaoh wanted to negotiate them out of taking their children, livestock, and all that belonged to them. They were wise enough to know that God was giving them a total and complete deliverance that include all they had.
Your marriage to God is all about the covenant. There is a higher purpose; there is a more important agenda in the father’s heart, which is total deliverance.
Jesus didn’t just die for our spirits not to be lost in hell. He died for everything about our lives; our health, children, marriage, finances, mental health, emotional life, everything.
We owe God to respond back in gratitude, faithfulness, and obedience to our part of the covenant.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY: I will not fail God and my Spouse, I keep the covenant of marriage, and I am a good wife/ husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY: Father in the name Jesus, I declare that I have the help of the Holy Spirit concerning my life and marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. –Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 (NLT)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY: Make a list of the things you need to make amends on and start working on them.
As couples, we are not meant to do marriage without God. He instituted marriage and there’s a picture in His heart, there is a purpose in His heart that needs to be accomplished.
The day you start neglecting God and treating His word with contempt is the day you begin to experience hardship in your marriage.
God’s word is His covenant with us ratified in the blood of Jesus. The word contains all the covenant terms and conditions.
All the requirements of the covenant must be satisfied. When we fulfill our part of the covenant, we automatically enjoy the blessing of the covenant.
That is why the scriptures say I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.
Behold, the days come, saith the Lord , that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the Lord : But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord , I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. –Jeremiah 31:31 – 33 (KJV)
To enjoy the covenant blessings of marriage, you have to have respect for the word of God. Not only respect it but follow it to the letter.
Your obedience becomes your proof of respect. So Bible says;
Husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands. –Ephesians 5: 23 – 29 (KJV)
That’s the covenant requirement, whether it is convenient or not you have to obey and do just that.
That’s having respect unto the covenant. Jesus had to do the covenant requirement even though it wasn’t easy.
You now see why God will not shift grounds. He is a God of covenant, not a sentimental God.
If He could turn His back on Jesus when He was on the cross because He cannot behold sin and because He was carrying the sin of the whole world, God will turn His back on anyone who treats His covenant with contempt.
Let’s begin to respect the covenant God has with us. Let’s begin to do what the word says despite what our body wants or what our flesh is saying.
God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I honour God’s word and covenant in my life, and marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father in Jesus name, strengthen me to honour your covenant all the days of my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Husbands love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands. –Ephesians 5: 23 – 29 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take time to search out what God says about marriage
In the early days of our marriage, I get angry very easily. It was a kind of subdued anger, not enough for me to raise my hands against my wife!
I have never done that and will never do that, no matter what! That is not a manly thing to do! It is unscriptural, and your prayers will be hindered when you raise your hands against a lady.
But, I used to be impatient. I am a quick person but my wife takes her time. I wanted to change her. When I am angry, I start lecturing my wife. After a while, I just had to change because the lecturing thing was not working. I had to learn early in marriage, to calm down when I am angry and then discuss it.
Over the years, I have come to learn to smile at some of the things that get me bothered and aggravated and looking back at those years, I wondered why I had to be angry in the first place! We were not meant to be the same way! A book on temperament I read was what delivered me!
If you are married to someone with an anger problem, here is some advice for you.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. –Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. –Proverbs 15:1 (MSG)
Don’t get angry together and at the same time! Learn to calm down for each other! Get books and read and deal with that anger so that you don’t end up raising angry children who will take the anger to another level.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. –Proverbs 16:32 (KJV)
A few things to do if you have problems with anger
1. Pray about it and ask God to help you by His Spirit
2. Seek help from your pastor or mentors
3. Stay in God’s word. Your soul can be restored when you meditate regularly on God’s word
4. Get good books that address the weakness and study
5. Discuss with your spouse and look at how you can deal with the weakness
6. Learn to keep quiet when you are angry. You often say things you will regret later, but the words, like swords could have done harm.
7. Do not make quick decisions while you are angry. Your sense of judgment is warped at such times.
8. Forgive easily. Don’t be revengeful and stubborn. Let God handle the situation for you.
9. Don’t allow anger and hurts to push you into sexual sins because you want to get back at your spouse. That will complicate issues for you.
10. Don’t listen to someone who appears ‘nice’ and wants you to sin when you are hurting badly. It is usually a trap of the devil to complicate issues when a ‘nice’ person suddenly shows up when you are at loggerheads with your spouse. Be careful!
I rebuke every spirit behind anger and wrath in your life, marriage in Jesus name. I pray for God’s help over you in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am calm. I am not an angry person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give the grace to resist unnecessary anger
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go –Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read a book on dealing with anger
