Knowing The Lover Who Is Spiritual. This morning, we continue from where we left off yesterday. How do you know the lover who is spiritual and the one who is not?
3. Availability and willingness to serve
What about the brother or sister that is always there to serve? Morning, afternoon, and evening, he or she is always there serving. Well, the thing is that there is something called “eye service!”
So, this is ruled out as well.
This cannot be exclusively used as a parameter for spirituality.
4. Closeness to Pastor
Brother George is so close to Pastor, which means he is very spiritual! Well, you cannot use that alone as a yardstick as well. Some of the closest people to pastors can be worse than unbelievers in their dispositions. Remember Judas was close the Jesus. He was a trusted ally and he was the treasurer, but the guy kept stealing!
5. Insight and Revelations
What about a brother or sister that can share revelations and has a lot of insights into the scriptures? Yes, it can often determine how spiritual but not always. I have seen some deeply insightful preachers who are unrepentant adulterers! I have seen some very religious habitual sinners who will give you insight into why they can fornicate and still be anointed.
6. Gifted and Talented
What if somebody is talented and gifted? He must be spiritual, maybe that is why God gave him or her so many talents. Well, some of the most gifted people are also some of the most careless I have seen. Their gifts become a source of pride and they easily become cocky, and there is nothing spiritual in being proud.
7. Niceness
What about those who are very nice? Does it mean that they are spiritual? Well, I have seen some unbelievers that are really nice as well. And again, being nice is not a fruit of the Spirit!
We can go on and on, but then what is the way to know and recognize a spiritual person?
Here is the answer. It is only by their heart! You know a person by the kind of heart that person has!
Every good thing that a man does comes from the heart. Every bad thing that a woman does comes from her heart.
” A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. ” (Luk 6:45, KJV)
Now, the challenge is that nobody can see a man’s heart! So what do you do? That is a huge dilemma, but there is a way out.
There are only two ways to know what is in a man’s heart.
1. Through God
Man looks outward, but God sees the heart. Go to God in prayer for who to get involved with
God can see the heart of everybody and anybody. He sees the future of the person. So when He leads you, He cannot lead you wrong. All the above qualities are good to watch out for, but ultimately, God’s direction is what you should follow.
It is only God that knows the one that seems spiritual but is as carnal as anybody can be. It is also God that knows the one that is seemingly carnal but will end up becoming a man of God or woman of God. Let God lead you.
2. Through words
The other way to know what is in the heart of man is what you see in the above verse: out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Watch his or her words, those are exact pictures of what lies within. His words will betray him.
He or she might say he is joking, but the scripture warns about coarse joking.
For married couples, there are a few things you can do together that will help you grow more spiritually. Attend the same church regularly. Pray together. Share scriptures with each other. Exchange books and discuss them. Have a common mentor you see regularly.
How To Know The Spiritual Lover. This has been a pertinent and persistent question in the heart of many singles. How do you know a spiritual brother or sister?
In the multitudes of the people that attend a church, in their thousands, how do you know who is spiritual and who is right for you?
You’ll get to see different kinds of people in the church, the short, the tall, the dark-complexioned, the light-complexioned, the fat, the slim, the not too fat and not too slim, the quiet and the loud, and so on and so forth.
How do you choose?
How To Know The Spiritual Lover
1. Actions
Can you really get to know a spiritual person by his actions? He is always acting great and gentlemanly.
The problem here is that people can pretend. A lot of people can act and be dramatic to get what they want. So, actions are ruled out! You can’t really conclude about a person based on his actions alone. I have had a lot of young girls call me in regret that their husbands pretended during courtship but are now showing true colours. In effect, a lover can hide true colour with fake colour. It’s simple colour mixing!
How To Know The Spiritual Lover
2. Tongues
What about tongues? The other time, brother Zerubbabel ended his relationship with Sister Sube because Sister Sube’s tongues was always sounding like “Sandal” After waiting for Sister Sube’s tongue to improve for three months but without any noticeable change, he ended the relationship. His thought was that if she was at “Sandal, Sandal…” for months, when will she get to “Shoes!”
But the reality is that you cannot judge spirituality by how a tongue sounds. He that prays in an unknown tongue prays unto God, not unto you. He prays mysteries to God, not to please you. The tongue may sound like a monosyllable for years, but that does not make the person less spiritual than the person whose tongue sounds like a combination of German, Chinese, and Yoruba!
Many people “lose” their tongues quickly when they are faced with pressures. That is when you get to know who is really spiritual.
The one whose tongue is filled with rich vowels and doesn’t know how to cook or be courteous is carnal. Not spiritual at all.
After marriage, you will discover you are not as interested in tongues as you are in having a good spouse, a responsible husband, and a homely wife.
What is the purpose of a wife who speaks in tongues but is denying her husband sex all the time? Nothing spiritual about that!
What is the purpose of a husband who dutifully goes through morning devotion but will do afternoon chatting with different girls?
What is the purpose of being naked before God in prayer but also sending nudes to men?
How To Know The Spiritual Lover goes beyond listening to his or her tongues!
Stop listening to how tongues sound to deduce how spiritual a person is!
I will stop here this morning and continue tomorrow!
When You Hate The One You Love. It sounds like a contradiction, but in no way establishes its dubiety. It is not healthy, but it happens. Nobody wants it, but you sometimes find yourself at loggerheads and you yield to your flesh and just want to stay angry, bitter, and in strife, always to one’s detriment though.
The implications are rife. It doesn’t matter if it is between two people in courtship or between a married couple. The spiritual implications are weighty and are the same.
What could lead to times When You Hate The One You Love? Anything could have happened. Differences in temperament, upbringing, culture, environment, spiritual maturity, and exposure can often contribute to anger tantrums and quarrel spots.
However as a child of God, you cannot yield to the flesh all the time, or else a lot of things would be grounded in your life.
As a matter of fact, the scripture aptly says that your prayer can run aground with strife and bitterness.
“For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” (Jas 3:16, KJV)
A relationship or marriage that will succeed has to be devoid of strife.
When you make a decision to stay off strife as a single or married, you are actually bringing honour into your life. Take a look at the scripture:
” It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.” (Pro 20:3, KJV)
What leads to strife? When You Hate The One You Love.
Anger, quarrels, hurt, bitterness, unforgiving attitudes, and the like.
But Pastor, must I sweep things under the carpet just to avoid strife?
No!
So, what do you do?
Confront issues, but forgive quickly!
It is interesting, but really, we get hurt the most by the ones we love the most! We find ourselves momentarily hating the one we love.
Why is that?
The reason is obvious. With love comes trust. But when that trust is ruptured, the heart is punctured and the wound can be so deep because trust has been violated. The wound can be so deep that no balm can heal, but thank God there is a balm in Gilead!
Now, you need to analyze issues.
The event that led to mistrust, was it a genuine mistake or a deliberate habit being used to manipulate and toy with your emotions?
If an action is habitual, while you are the victim all the time and you are still single, the idea is not to keep forgiving and stay there until your esteem is completely plundered and your dignity is trampled. Sometimes, the way out of such strife as singles is to forgive the person and then end such relationships, because the person in view is far from repentance. The stark reality is that you can’t change anybody!
When they got in strife with Isaac over the well he dug, what did he do? He left them and moved on and eventually dug another well where there were no contentions.
“And Isaac’s servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing water. And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac’s herdmen, saying, The water is ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him. And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah. And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.” (Gen 26:19-22, KJV)
It is only in marriage that you cannot just wake up and walk out of your matrimonial home over trivial issues. You are to stay there and fight for your marriage unless your life is threatened and you are no longer safe.
As singles, we must also know that the incessant strife and quarrels would be a result of either two things:
You are out of God’s will, so things are not working
You are in God’s will, so the devil is contending your togetherness.
The best thing to do in such scenarios is to go and pray and find out from God exactly what to do. This will then help you to pray and make your decisions.
As married couples, get your mentor or pastor involved, in prolonged anger and strife, sometimes what has been a persistent source of bickering in your home is just a statement away from its solution when you ask people ahead of you. This is what to do When You Hate The One You Love.
I pray for you this morning, may every storm in your relationship, marriage, and life be stilled in Jesus’ name!
Finish The Doubts! So how will Sally avoid doubts? How will she minimize doubts? This is our subject for discourse today as we continue from where we stopped yesterday.
Finish The Doubts!
1. The first thing to note is that you should never take a step until you are sure of God’s plan! That way, you are rock solid when doubt surfaces because you already know what you are doing. Let doubts come from a thousand ends, you remain steadfast because you already heard God and His word that you heard would stabilize you and become an anchor to your soul.
2. Don’t fall in love anyhow. Fall in love with common sense and with your eyes open.
3. Do not despise the wisdom of authority figures in your life. They may not always be right, but God can often use their voice to speak to you and keep you from making costly mistakes.
4. Read God’s word regularly. That is what will stabilize your soul. Pray as well and speak in tongues a lot.
What do you do if you are already in doubt?
1. Take time to go back to God in prayers and listen to Him talk to you again.
2. Fast if necessary and spend time in God’s presence until you hear Him
3. Clean up your life from all forms of sexual compromises. Pre-marital and other sexual sins will usually bring confusion and with confusion, there will be huge kettles of doubt in your mind.
4. If you are married and doubt keeps coming, the solution is not to walk out of your marriage. Instead, stay with your spouse and refuse to entertain doubts. Go to God in prayers and renew your covenant with God. See doubt as an attempt from the devil to render your prayers ineffective, so guard against it. Finish The Doubts!
Lastly, how can one be sure that a decision is of God?
The acid test is what is called “peace”
Take a look at this scripture:
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
Amplified Version: “And God’s peace [ shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace ] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Php 4:7, AMP)
Did you see that? This peace that comes as an assurance of God’s voice concerning a decision will become like an army officer to your soul, It will mount guard and disallow any doubt from accessing your mind. Glory to God!
My prayer for you this morning is that you will indeed hear God. I speak against every confusion in your life, no more in Jesus’ name! I come against every plan of the devil, every intent of hell, every strategy of the evil one, no more in your life in Jesus’ name! Finish The Doubts!
I speak peace to every storm in marriages, and I pray for God’s divine intervention in Jesus’ name!
In Love, But In Doubt! Sally is so much in love and yet her soul is engulfed in an Island of doubt. The contradiction is a source of confusion for her. How can I be in love and yet doubt holds me in the jugular, suffocating the life out of me with unending questions and anxieties?
The Johnsons are not spared. Mr. Johnson had just lost his job in the Oil and Gas sector and their finances had plummeted. Mrs. Johnson for the first time after their wedding began to question her choice and began to think her wrong choice could be what is sponsoring their present predicament. In Love, But In Doubt!
It happens all the time. You fall in love, you make commitments, and in some cases, wedding plans begin, and then like a mighty tornado from nowhere, doubt hits you like you hit someone with a sledgehammer.
I thought I was in love! Where is this doubt coming from? O Lord, help me!
It even gets more confusing when compromise or specifically, sex is involved. You hardly know what to do. On one hand, you think you love him or her, but when you think about your future together, a lump rises in your throat and a subtle fear meanders in the inner crevices of your mind.
Even married couples are not spared sometimes. You are already married, and really everything was okay until you had this huge financial storm that refuses to abate. Then you begin to entertain the question that you thought was never there or has long been settled; are we really meant for each other? Are we financially incapacitated because I am involved with the wrong person?
What do you do at such times? This is what we want to look at this morning.
First of all, at what points do doubts occur? Here are some:
In Love, But In Doubt!
1. A relationship is outside of God’s will and God needed to get your attention.
2. A relationship is actually God’s will, but the devil wants to confuse you so that you can step out of that will.
3. You have huge and sometimes unrealistic expectations and unfortunately, the expectations are far from being realized.
4. You are in a relationship and it is God’s plan for you, but somewhere along the line, you are caught in sex. The devil would usually bring guilt trips and if you stay habitually in the compromise, confusion will enter the soul and you won’t know your left from right.
5. You are not informed and you are ignorant of your basic spiritual rights, you will easily get confused and yield to doubt.
6. You start a relationship or courtship without seeking God’s will. That conviction would not be there and doubts would have an upper hand.
7. You sought direction about your marriage from some prophet without a personal adventure in seeking God’s face.
8. You go into a relationship or marriage in order to escape from something. After your escape, then you start asking whether you really love the person.
9. All your mentors, pastor, and even parents are against the wedding except you. Doubt will surely come eventually.
10. Marriage is not all about roses and flowers, when the thorns show up, they usually come in the basket of doubt.
The next thing is “will one ever get to a place in life where doubt is completely extricated and will never occur again?” Like take a gun and shoot doubt forever and ever?
Well, the answer is a big NO. Doubt will still come, whether you like it or not. But it is now your choice to discard it or embrace it.
How do we deal with doubt and how can it be prevented?
I will continue from here tomorrow. In Love, But In Doubt!
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover. The Johnsons couldn’t forget ahead. Things had fallen apart and the center could no longer hold. The butterflies have all lost their wings and died and the goose pimples deactivated. Love had moved fast from a haven into hatred zone! They had broken all the laws and the consequences are rushing at them like an angry wind. What were their mistakes?
Today, we continue from where we left off.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
3. Don’t allow anybody to live with you without the agreement of your spouse
If your spouse is not in support, your merciful acts can quickly turn into regrets. Many marriages are under tremendous pressure because the wife is not only taking care of her husband but several siblings at a time. Issues will necessarily come out of this. I usually tell couples, do not allow anybody to live with you in your first few years after the wedding! You need to focus on each other and you don’t need any distractions!
Amo 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Singles, never pack into your partner’s house when you are not yet married. You will lose your respect and things might not turn out well because you are walking in disobedience to God. You will become a small Mummy, cooking, washing, and offering sex while you are not yet married. Nothing is more debilitating than that!
4. Don’t oppose your spouse openly Don’t build walls against yourself.
Eph 4:15 (KJV) But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
If you must correct your spouse, don’t do it in the presence of his friends and colleagues, you might end up adding more to the issue. However, you can always have a confidant with whom both of you agree you should discuss because there are times you really need to pour your heart out.
Singles, it is a dangerous signal if you are accountable to no one in courtship and nobody can speak into your life. It is a very risky game!
The moment your lover is unacceptable and can’t be reported to anybody, there is a red flag, so red you shouldn’t miss it.
What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
5. Don’t get close to others other than your spouse Be your spouse’s friend and never allow anybody to come in between you. There are Delialahs, Jezebels, Amnons, Jonadabs and so on. The moment you know, and you always know that you are getting up close and emotional to someone apart from your spouse, cut it off, or else you will soon be in serious problems.
The moment you can hide things from your spouse, it is the beginning of problems. The moment you can discuss your spouse with colleagues and they discuss theirs with you, you are going too far. The devil will set a trap. Avoid distractions. Double dating is not scriptural for singles.
As singles, never attempt to make your fiancee happy by compromising your virtues. You will never be able to secure a relationship by offering sex, you will actually jeopardize the relationship because you are violating God’s principles. Sex does not prove your love, it shows your ignorance because every time you offer your body to secure a relationship, you always lose the man or the relationship! These are What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Lover
Single Or Married, Avoid These! One man was looking intently at his wedding certificate for hours. After he was asked why did that, he said he was searching for the expiry date! Well, marriage will not expire, there is no reverse gear.
Another man was watching his wedding video, but this time in rewind! He saw himself remove the ring, majestically walked out of the church, entered his car, and drove off. He wanted to do that in real life, but no way!
Marriage is a haven, not an oven. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. The devil knows the power at your disposal as a married couple. That is why his intention is to throw a monkey wrench at your stuff. There are some precautions you can take in order to ensure that you are one with your spouse and that the power of agreement is not broken.
Singles must learn these principles as well so that their relationships and courtship can work out well. The Christian life is not hard to live, in fact, it is when you don’t follow God that things get messy. That is why Jesus Christ said his yoke is easy, learn about it, it is easier that way.
Mat 11:30 (KJV) For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 1. Don’t insult or abuse yourselves on account of someone else. Preserve your marriage by respecting your spouse. Words are so powerful that your life gravitates in the direction of your utterances.
Don’t use negative words on each other! Don’t keep saying and repeating the things you don’t want to see, rather keep saying what you want to see in your spouse and family and you will have what you say!
Mar 11:23 (AMPC) Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.
In one of the open visions that Papa Kenneth Hagin had, Jesus told him, “my people are saying what they have rather than say what they want to have!” (Para-phrase)
Keep saying your exceptions, not your experiences. It is a powerful principle of life.
Most singles in courtship also break up because of this exact reason. This is because, for men, respect is a major issue. Every man is egocentric, and you shouldn’t try to bruise that ego, single or married. Speak into your wedding day, and your marriage, and say the right words.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore obvious issues, for example, character issues. This should be confronted and counsel sought!
Single Or Married, Avoid These! 2. Don’t equip others against yourselves. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg. You are one in marriage, and that is how God sees it. Support your spouse always. Don’t keep weakening each other!
In the same way, in courtship, once you see your partner is always against you in and out, it is a sign that there is a deeper problem to confront. How can you be in courtship and all you do is fight day in, and day out? That is not good material for the foundation of your marriage. What exactly is causing the issues? They should be addressed and confronted and not used to glide or surf into marriage!
Single Or Married, Avoid These!
I will stop here today and conclude tomorrow! Have you registered for Singles Camp Meeting yet? Remember we have limited space and we will stop registration once we have space filled up. Find info below on how to register!
More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs is a continuation of yesterday’s topic. Sally was in love with George who is not in love with her. That can be debilitating. The Johnsons are dealing with an adulterous issue, made worse by the neglect of Mr. Johnson.
What are the More Ways To Recognize Emotional Affairs
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else.
As single ladies or guys, when a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you. What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up canceling their destinies.
4. When you are convinced that your supposed friend understands you better than your spouse.
You have crossed the line and you are about to desecrate your marital covenant if you do so. As singles, if any married person ever verbalize such lies to you, that he wished he had married you before meeting his wife, it is time to use your legs and run away, otherwise, you might be cooking the kind of food you don’t want to eat! Or he tells you that you are so caring and understanding unlike his spouse, don’t believe such lies. It is usually an attempt to have an inroad into your emotions and eventually get in between your legs!
Don’t sit down there sheepishly listening to such gibberish, stand up and take charge of your life and destiny by running away. You see when the Bible says “Flee,” it is not the time to say, “Let’s reason together.”
There are situations where you don’t need to speak in tongues, you just need to run, because even the angels have escaped because they don’t want to behold evil!
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs. Sally was long gone in falling in love and emotionally entangled with George, and yet George kept claiming they are just friends. Sally was like ice cubes exposed to the sun each time she is around George. She would simply melt and become fidgety at the sight of George.
George could see this and continued to exploit her emotionally by even becoming more nice and available for her, without making any commitments. Sally couldn’t help herself, her love canvas is shattered, and splattered with images of George!
In the same vein, the Johnsons were not having a great time as Mrs. Johnson found herself in a contradictory love triangle, emotionally intertwined with her boss at work. How did she get to that point without knowing as a child of God? To make it worse, her husband is constantly fighting her and being insensitive. It is as though hell scripted the plot, as she found herself sliding down the adulterous abyss, her husband in no sight to pull her out. The time she needed him so much was the time he neglected her too much!
Her voice, calling out to George from the abyss, “I need help dear!” Help me! But George was too preoccupied with his work and too insensitive to hear her drowning voice. His silent treatment is further silently increasing her vulnerability!
There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person.
This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away. Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
At what point did that single sister become your counselor? It’s the pathway to adultery!
For singles, you are always talking deeply, sharing secrets, and advising each other and you say you are just friends? Face it, it’s already emotional! When troubled, you are the first person to be called, and you seem to always bring peace to the troubled soul…Hmmm… you are both in love joor!
2. When you catch yourself fantasizing or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse, you are traveling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later. That close friend has found his way into your thoughts right in the bedroom and you are just friends? You are beginning to conjure her image so you can enjoy intimacy with your spouse and you are just friends? Nay, thou are not just friends!
As singles, you say there is nothing between you and yet he is the last person you think about, and the first person that slides into your thought’s DM? Even God no dey get space like that again! Una don dey in love, biko!
I will stop here this morning!
Tomorrow, I will conclude on How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? One of the most abused statements in this generation is “I am in love.” Two people met themselves, there was strong body chemistry, and they hit on the very moment they set eyes on each other, it was as if they have known each for a long time, in a matter of hours, they are intertwined in each other’s embrace, locked up in sex and everything looks great for them. Is that love? Unfortunately, the answer is a No-No!
Pastor, why do you say so? What about love at first sight?
Well, there is nothing like love at first sight, what really happens most times is lust at first sight. If you think well, what we call love, at first sight, is usually predicated on the intense feelings for each other when you set eyes on each other.
There may be a “knowing” at first sight, where you get to know who the right person is for you either by revelation or by intuition, but there is nothing like love at first sight.
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? To love a person, you have to know that person. You don’t really know a person at first sight, you may have feelings, but you don’t really love him or her because you don’t know him or her.
A Feeling is not love, even though, there may be a feeling in love. Feelings can be fickle, they can change, it is on the surface and if you marry because of feeling alone, you will be heavily disappointed, because there would be times in marriage, there would be no iota of feelings. Will you go and divorce?
In the scripture, Amnon had a strong feeling for Tamar. (2 Sam 13.) The feelings were so strong that he became sick and lean. He was so vexed with love, some other translation says he was fond of Tamar while some others say he was obsessed.
Pastor, you mean somebody can be very fond of me, thinking of me every time, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes. Pastor, you mean somebody can be all over me, showering me with gifts, ready to “die” for me, cannot sleep without me, cannot do without calling me ten times in a day, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes!
In the scripture, it says concerning Amnon:
“And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, KJV)
Message Translation:
“Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, MSG)
The feelings were so strong that his body began to collapse. That ought to be strong love, but sadly, it is not.
He calls me twenty times a day, it may not be love. She may be calling somebody else, thirty times a day as well. She spends weekends with me, it may not be love. She may be spending weekends with other guys as well. He gives me a lot of money. It may not be love, he may just see his money as a tool to get what he wants and when he doesn’t want it, he withdraws his money.
I can go on and on. Is It Just A Feeling or Love?
You would have concluded Amnon was so so much in love.
But then he lied to his father and to Tamar. True love is sincere.
He ended up raping Tamar. True love protects, it does not violate!
He forces and uses scripture to manipulate you into sleeping with him and he says he is in love? He is not only lying, he is lying in state!
But Pastor, he is truthful. He told me that I am not the only one he is sleeping with and that I am the only one he would marry! Then what are you doing in that kind of relationship where you are being told with audacity and effrontery such sexual atrocities? How did you get yourself into that place?
Amon, after raping Tamar and getting what he wanted, sent her out of his door and the scripture says something very powerful:
“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” (2 Samuel 13:15, KJV)
In verse 2, he loved her to the point of obsession. In verse 15, he hated her exceedingly, after getting what he wanted. That is not love. It is spelled L-U-S-T!
There is a huge difference between love and feelings!
For married couples, one of the prayers you should keep praying is that God’s love is shed abroad in your hearts. You may wake up some of those days and feelings seem to have travelled, at such times, your love must still remain firm because you are in a covenant with your spouse. You should not feel before you love in marriage, you should love, feelings or no feelings! In marriage, love moves away from feeling completely to commitments!
Dealing With Devices in Marriage. George, a married man, traveled from work and lodged in a hotel, and then a beautiful lady, Sally lodged beside his room. In no time, they became friends and in a matter of minutes, she is already in his room chatting away. It looked like they’d known each other for ages. It is not because George or Sally is friendly, it is simply a DEVICE to draw them into a compromise, even though it all looked innocent.
Over the years, phone designs and models have evolved and what we have now are beyond phones, they are more rightly called DEVICES. These are multi-functional gadgets that can play multiple roles at the same time.
So we can begin to understand what the Bible means when it says:
“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his DEVICES.” 2 Corinthians 2:11, KJV
We should not be ignorant of the DEVICES of the devil. What can we learn about the devices of the devil?
1. A device goes through a process before its release.
A device doesn’t just come out, it is something that is conceptualized as an idea, then documented, and then goes through plans and processes before it eventually comes out.
In the same way, we need to understand that the devil sits down to plan its attacks. He makes plans and finds ways to execute plans. That is why the scripture calls it a device. It is something that is packaged from hell to destabilize you. You should not be ignorant about it. You should not be oblivious to it.
2. A device has a target market
A device is not just released haphazardly. It is always targeted. In the same way, the devices of the devil are targeted at you. They are deliberately designed with you in mind. You must never let down your guard. Otherwise, before you know it, you may be compromising heavily despite the fact that you are born again, Spirit-filled and tongue-talking.
3. A device is designed to taste
Do you know you have a device weakness? It may be Samsung, Techno, or Apple device. There is always a device specification that resonates with you. In the same way, there is a device that the devil sits down to design to feed your weakness. That is why the Bible says:
“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14, KJV)
For some, they must not see a light-complexioned lady, for some, it is the other way around. For some, their knees weaken when they see a busty lady. Some ladies, get melted when they see a tall, hunky gentleman who is easygoing. The list goes on, but you know within yourself what your weakness can be.
So what do you do? You guard yourself against your weakness. You don’t feed your weakness. You know you must not behold the green bottle, yet you followed your friend to the club? You just shot yourself in the leg. You know your temperature rises when you see a light-complexioned lady and yet they brought a tall, light-complexioned lady to you from the village as house help, you said it is okay? You are setting up yourself for a downfall that way!
You know as a lady if you spend time with a man who “toasts” you for hours, showers you with gifts, and so on, you cannot say No, and yet you followed that man on a shopping spree when you know he is already married? That’s like carrying fire in your bosom!
4. A device is never forced on you
Finally, a device cannot be forced on you. You have to decide to buy it. In the same way, the devil cannot impose anything on you, you have to patronize him to buy into his traps. What do you do?
Guard yourself. Pray a lot. Be vigilant, be sober, be alert, and be alive in Christ. Don’t go and spend the night with the one you are not married to. Don’t fly to Dubai with a person who is not your spouse. That is not God’s favor working for you, that is a device trying to trap you.
Do you know the scripture says favour can be deceitful? Before you jump and conclude it is God’s favor, the question is if a compromise is involved. Is your conscience violated? If that is the case, it is not favor, it is set up against your destiny.
A person who doesn’t want to be ignorant stays informed. Stay informed by reading and studying God’s word regularly!
I pray for you this morning that God will indeed send help your way in Jesus’ name and help you to confront and overcome that device of the evil one.
Those Who Do You Wrong. Sally has been deeply hurt! Thinking she would soon be the enviable bride, she was dropped like hot potatoes! She landed badly and bitter! Her expectations were crushed, and she felt like life should just end. Life became boring, she became depressed and despondent and in her bitterness, she began to plot how to deal with her offenders. In this state of mind, she wondered why things even got worse for her. What was she supposed to do?
Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: (2 Timothy 4:14 KJV)
Those Who Do You Wrong. Paul had a real opportunity to be bitter judging from the tone of his words. He was genuinely hurt. Whatever Alexander did must have really got to him. Like you and I, Paul was human, and he was seriously hurt here.
The Amplified Version puts it this way:
“Alexander the coppersmith did me great wrongs. The Lord will pay him back for his actions.” (2 Timothy 4:14, AMP)
In life, you will meet the Alexanders! You will meet Those Who Do You Wrong. There will be trusted people that will disappoint you in big ways.
In fact, it is possible you have already met several Alexanders. From jilting experiences that got you jolted, from betrayals that got you crucified, from the disappointment of promises that got you depressed, from lies and intrigues that got you livid, the list goes on and on. Everybody has a share of being let down one way or the other, and it can really be painful when it has to do with relationships or marriage.
Pastors are not left out when their trusted allies back out from them when they couldn’t have their way. Several people, you have trusted when in the real sense, they have vagabond spirits, moving from one church to another, searching for clout and control, and never settled in a place. Such men will leave you in the cold thinking their leaving will deal a lethal blow to the system. As Pastors, resist the temptation to hit back on the pulpit!
Those kinds of hurts and bitterness are deep-seated, almost breathing within and giving direction to all your actions if you are not careful.
What do you do to Those Who Do You Wrong? What do we do when we are in this state of mind? It is not a good place to be at all. If you were given a gun, you could shoot the person involved if you go by the flesh.
We must learn from Apostle Paul. No doubt he was hurt, but he made a powerful statement:
“…the Lord reward him according to his work!”
This is what we must do. Don’t bother to try and fight back in your own way, because you might end up fighting dirty. Learn to commit the situation into God’s hands as Apostle Paul did.
Do you know why you need to do this?
You need to let go so that the wicked and careless actions of those who betray and disappoint you will not end up immobilizing you! What do I mean? You see, when you hold people in an unforgiving spirit, it will slow you down. It will hinder your prayers. It will turn you into a bitter person and it will affect your productivity, even at workplace.
You need to let go. It could be childhood abuse, it could be rape, it could be lies and betrayals, it could be unfaithfulness, whatever it is, give it back to God and let God compensate you for every trouble and heartache you went through. God who knows the intent of men, who knows the motives will appropriately reward those who deal wrongly with you! Let them scheme against you, let them plot ways to bring you down, let them devise how to slow down your work, let them do all they know to do, but don’t fight back!
Forgive and forget and get healed. Don’t let that past event tamper with your present. Get healed from the past so that you can move on. It might even be that you are the one that hurt somebody else. Go to God and make your way right. Desist from such actions and God will give you a new beginning. God knows how to reward Those Who Do You Wrong
I pray for you this morning, may God compensate you for every trouble you went through. I pray for healing in your soul and I ask that God will indeed lift up your head in Jesus’ name!
These Three Are Needed! Hear this, the people you admire and you often envy are not really favoured more than you, they simply know what you don’t know.
As a single or married couple, there are three things you should pray into your life daily. They are not exhaustive, but these three things will almost take care of every aspect of your life.
What a man knows can be very powerful. That is why the scripture says that: “A wise man is strong; yea, a man of KNOWLEDGE increaseth strength.” (Pro 24:5, KJV)
There is something about God’s help in your endeavours. It will just simplify everything. Much of what I have enjoyed in my marriage is what I call God’s help.
I want to release that which we have upon this ministry to come to bear upon your life. I read from my Bible that grace and enablement can be transferred. I want to do that this morning. I have always told you, that my wife was the first and the last person I asked out. I was twenty-seven when we married and she was twenty-four. We’ve had our share of challenges, but God has always helped us all the way. The grace that works upon our lives and upon this ministry, I want to pray it over you today.
There are three things you should always pray into your life daily. Mention them and pray in the Spirit about them. Here they are:
These Three Are Needed!
1. Ask for Direction
There is nothing as valuable as knowing where to go. That is why men have created maps and compasses. That is why we have GPS. That is why there is Google Earth. Very powerful.
There is nothing as frustrating as traveling in the wrong direction! There is nothing as heartbreaking as loving the person that will never marry you. There is nothing as nauseating as walking down the aisle and walking up and out of the same aisle a few months after!
After praying this into your life, what do you need to do?
“In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will DIRECT and make straight and plain your paths.” (Proverbs 3:6, AMP)
These Three Are Needed! The second thing is to
2. Ask for Wisdom
No wonder Paul said:
“That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory may give unto you the spirit of WISDOM and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,” (Ephesians 1:17-18, KJV)
After knowing the direction and the way to go, then you need wisdom in your journey. It is not enough to fall in love with the right person, you need the wisdom to handle yourself and your loved one especially when it comes to behavioural tendencies and temperaments.
That a relationship is God’s will doesn’t mean it can not crash. If you don’t walk in wisdom, it will collapse like a pack of cards and yet it is God’s will. Always ask for wisdom before beginning a relationship, during courtship, and in marriage.
These Three Are Needed! Finally, you need to always
3. Ask for Strength
That is why Paul prayed like this here:
“That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be STRENGTHENED with might by his Spirit in the inner man;” (Ephesians 3:16, KJV)
You have direction, you have wisdom and now you need the strength to pull through in the face of challenges. You need strength to obey God. You need strength to be able to say “NO” to man and say “YES” only to God. You need strength to refuse compromise like Joseph. These Three Are Needed!
Now I pray for you this morning, from the depths of my heart, with the strength of my call, that from today:
Confusion will not be your portion.
If indeed God has called me and anointed me in this area of ministry, I enter the fullness of my calling this morning, I terminate every operation of diabolical spirits in your life in Jesus’ name.
I have seen impossible cases dissolved by God’s power, this morning, I release God’s power to dissolve that impossible puzzle in your life in Jesus’ name.
I speak with unction into the lives of those caught in the bond of iniquity, I curse the spirit behind pornography, masturbation, adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, and every other form of sexual perversion, I bind that strong man of infirmity in your life right now in Jesus name.
I speak forth abundance into your lives today. I release God’s help into the very areas where you need it in Jesus’ name. You will not struggle to settle down! God will help you!
I put a stop to every infirmity, I speak healing unto your bodies. The grace that rests upon me and upon this ministry, I release unto you this day in Jesus’ name! I declare that the light shines over you in relationship and marriage, and every darkness flees. Thank you, Lord Jesus! I await your beautiful testimonies! Amen!
You can’t fix yourself in your own way with your own methods.
You’ve been offered a divine invitation! Respond to it!
Mat 11:28 (KJV) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Sleeping around and giving yourself to men will not help your self-esteem, it will actually erode it more. Drinking and smoking will not fix your inner struggle, only Jesus would!
Partying, wild living, and careless friendships, will not lead you into a godly marriage. Waiting on God and trusting Him as your shepherd is what will.
Three More Things You Shouldn’t Do 2. Never compare yourself to others
You are uniquely crafted with exclusive gifts that are branded on your destiny. There is something you can do better than anyone, find it and concentrate on that, rather than wear yourself out trying to do something that others are doing. Comparison trap is referred to as foolishness.
“For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2Co 10:12, KJV)
Three More Things You Shouldn’t Do 3. Never give up on yourself
You will still have a beautiful marriage. You still have your own children. You will see the travail of your heart. I curse that spirit of fatigue and tiredness hovering over your destiny. I infuse God’s strength into your inner man by the Spirit of God right now. I command the light of God to shine into dark areas of your mind right now, I terminate the activities of the spirits of confusion over your life right now.
I curse the spirits of depression and despair in your life. That spirit that has caused you to hibernate into passiveness and dulled life is cursed in Jesus’ name. Fresh energy and divine strength are bursting from within you now, grace to receive the best of God and to wait for His salvation is released unto you right now in Jesus’ name. Creativity is bursting forth from within you now!
The spirit that wants you to give up, wrap up and quit, we stop its activities in Jesus’ name. I proclaim over your life and destiny right now, God’s word will no longer be prolonged over you. There is a speedy accomplishment over you right now because the hand of the Lord is coming upon you right now. Believe it. Say it. You will see it and people will rejoice with you! These are Three More Things You Shouldn’t Do
Two Things You Shouldn’t Allow. There is a man called Dr. Nick. I am sure you have seen his video. He was born without limbs. No legs. It was a pathetic case, enough for any man to commit suicide. But he didn’t see himself as disabled, rather he sees himself as a complete man, as a servant of God, and thousands of people, gather to see him inspire them, they forget he has no legs and they listen with rapt attention. He is married to a dashingly beautiful lady who didn’t care about his disability because Dr. Nick himself never sees himself as inferior to any other man!
How do you see yourself? What do you call yourself?
“And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.” (Num 13:33, KJV)
People tend to see you through you! They were not grasshoppers, God did not create them as grasshoppers, but the moment they saw themselves as grasshoppers, the same image was replicated in others who saw them.
If you see yourself as stupid, you will act stupid and people will call you stupid, even though you are smart.
If you see yourself as a nuisance, you will last like that, and definitely when you show up, people will know that the nuisance has arrived.
If you see yourself as rejected and disfavoured, you will do everything to follow the script, and people will surely reject you, even though God’s favour rests upon you!
If you see yourself as blessed and fortunate, people will keep blessing you, even though there is some generational curse, but the curse will simply fail to work over your life
Here are a few things to note.
Two Things You Shouldn’t Allow
1. Never look down on yourself.
You are created in God’s image. Believe it. You are not a mistake. You are not an error. You are not a disaster. You are not a regretful creature. Don’t look down on yourself, for if you do, people will look down on you and they will trample on you.
This is why the scripture advises:
“Let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example (pattern) for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.” (1Ti 4:12, AMP)
Nobody can despise you until you permit them by the way you have despised yourself. Celebrate yourself.
2. Never speak ill of yourself
Words are powerful. Words are so much powerful that whatever you speak about yourself will eventually overwhelm your life and give direction to your life. Your words are like a map and a compass, much more powerful than Google maps.
Mephibosheth looked at himself and called himself a dead dog. No wonder he lived in a deserted place crawling like a dog, yet royal blood flowed in his vein.
When you say, you are not sure you will marry, you are embracing delay in your marital journey. There may be pressures around you, but the ultimate things are what you believe and say with your mouth.
If you say you are under a curse and that is why you are not married, things that happen to people who are under influence of curses will happen even though you are not cursed! That is how your words can be powerful. What a man utters carelessly can lead him into the gutter. These are the Two Things You Shouldn’t Allow
Decide to believe the best of God for your life and you will indeed see His best in Jesus’ name!
If I were a Single or Married Lady. This morning, I want to write to all ladies in the house and to all the men in their lives. From the wealth of experiences gathered during counselling times, there are things I would do and things I would never do if I were a lady.
Come to think of it, the lady seems to always be the one on the receiving end and the one that ‘suffers” and bares the consequences of unwise actions.
Think about it:
When a relationship breaks or doesn’t work out, who gets hurt the most? The guy or the lady?
When there is disappointment concerning the wedding, who cries endlessly for days? The guy or the lady?
When there is pre-marital sex, who is afraid of getting pregnant? The guy or the lady?
When pregnancy is anticipated, who starts drowning in pills like a fowl? The guy or the lady?
Who goes for all kinds of tests in the hospital? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the pain of abortion in the event of that? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the psychological trauma of murdering a life the most? The guy or the lady?
Who combines psychological trauma with emotional pain and then with physical discomfort? The guy or the lady?
If there were complications in the abortion process, whose body is affected? The guy or the lady?
If a complication arises and life is threatened, who loses her life? The guy or the lady?
If the womb is affected, who won’t be able to conceive eventually? The guy or the lady?
If the decision is to have the baby, whose tummy protrudes? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through the seeming stigma of carrying an unwanted pregnancy? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through all the morning sickness? The guy or the lady?
Whose body adjusts to the different trimesters with accompanying inconveniences? The guy or the lady?
Who goes through labour pain, at that moment when a lady goes through enough pain that would drown any man and make a grown-up man cry like a baby? The guy or the lady?
Hours or days before childbirth, who goes through the cramping, the tightening, the pounding, the stabbing, the back pain, the waves, the pressure, the pushing, and the exhaustion? The guy or the lady?
Who becomes a “single mother?” The guy or the lady?
Who does the breastfeeding afterward? The guy or the lady?
I can go on and on….but wait a moment…
Who ought to be wiser? The guy or the lady?
But really, who seems to be unwise? The guy or the lady? The answer to all of these seems to be The lady!
If I were a Single or Married Lady.
If I were a single lady,
1. I will not indulge in sex. If you can not wait for me, then you can be on your way.
2. I will not use my body to prove any love, because sex does not prove any love. If it does, then every prostitute ought to fall in love with their clients
3. I will not be used as a toy. I am not created to satisfy a man’s lust
4. Any man that cannot wait till marriage is not worth it. If any guy wants to go, I will let him go, maybe his name is Abedne-go!
5. I will be secure in God. It might look like it is taking long, but God will surely do it.
6. I will serve God in my generation. I will pay the price for greatness.
7. I will stay out of every compromise. If I am doing anything wrong now, I will make all things right. I will move out of his house if I am not yet married. I will not go and spend any weekend again. I am not a dry cleaner or house help.
8. I will not run after any man. I am to be wooed, pursued, and valued. Not the other way around.
9. I will focus on God as my Jehovah Jireh, not on some money bag who wants to destroy my life.
10. I will wait for the salvation of God. I will not be ahead of God.
If I were a married lady
1. I will respect my husband and be humble in my home
2. I will seek to please my husband
3. I will pray and find ways to help my husband.
4. I will stay away from any unfaithfulness, knowing it could open doors for the devil
5. I will be open to my husband and I will keep no secrets
6. I will deliberately choose to be joyful, and shut the door of depression and the negative atmosphere at home
7. I will not close up my spirit against my husband knowing it will bring lack into the family
8. I will get healed of any hurts and bitterness and always trust God to make all things well.
I pray that God will send help to you in specific areas where it is needed.
An Excursion Into The Mind Of A Lady Part 2. What does a lady want? That is our subject for today. Here is a typical conversation:
Bro.Zeru – Husband
Sis.Sube – Wife
Bro.Zeru: Hey dear, why are you looking so unhappy? What is wrong again?
Sis.Sube: Nothing
Bro.Zeru: Common, I know you now, there is something.
Sis.Sube: I said there is nothing.
Bro.Zeru: Ok, please, let’s talk
Sis.Sube: Is there really any need? It won’t change anything.
Bro.Zeru: Ok, I promise, let’s talk
Sis.Sube: You’ve not been there for me. You are not available. I can’t reach you.
Bro.Zeru: (Surprised) But I spend the whole office leave with you last week. We were together for one week.
Sis.Sube: Did we talk?
Bro.Zeru: But you didn’t say anything either. Will I be talking to myself?
Sis.Sube: You don’t have time for me. I am lonely.
Bro.Zeru: How can you say that? I don’t agree with that. How can you be lonely when I am here for you?
Sis.Sube: That is it. You will never agree.
Bro.Zeru: I am confused
Sis.Sube: When you are not watching movies, you are replying emails. When you are not replying emails, you are chatting away.
Bro.Zeru: I have to work now?
Sis.Sube: Yes, you are married to your work. Your work is more important than me.
Bro.Zeru: How can you say that? You know that is not true
Sis.Sube: That work is your first wife. I am just the neglected second wife
Bro.Zeru: I have to make money now? How would we have eaten?
Sis.Sube: You still don’t get it.
Bro.Zeru: I can’t get it. Very soon now, you will ask me to write you a check for shoes, jewelry, and others. I thought providing money makes you happy.
Sis.Sube: It makes me happy, but not as much as your availability.
Bro.Zeru: I am available, dear.
Sis.Sube: You are available, but I cannot reach you. You are there and you are not there. You are so near, but in your nearness, you are so distant.
Bro.Zeru: Ah! I am confused. Lord, help me. I want to make heaven.
Bro.Zeru is obviously frustrated. What he doesn’t know is that the greatest need of a lady is time and attention.
An Excursion Into The Mind Of A Lady Part 2.
Now I know there are ladies who don’t care a hoot about time and attention and all they want is money from some money bag who may be already married. These types of women are referred to as strange women in the scriptures.
I am talking about an average lady out there who loves God. Her greatest need is time and attention. Men need to understand this so they wouldn’t lose their wives! There are many marriages where the couple is no different from co-tenants or roommates because this great need has been neglected. It is a legitimate need, and every lady needs quality time and attention to function properly in her capacity as a helper.
When you give a lady what she wants, you will enjoy the best of her in marriage. I wish men could understand this and stop being unnecessarily bossy or egotistical.
A lady who cannot get this legitimate need met would be vulnerable to meeting this legitimate need in illegitimate ways. When this need is not met, you open your wife up to temptation from colleagues at work, men she encounters who care less about destroying your marriage.
Due to this serious issue, a lot of wives have closed up their spirits against their husbands, and it would affect a lot of things! It would affect finances, it would affect productivity and even children.
As singles in courtship, the same goes for you. You can easily lose her if you can’t give her time and attention. Yes, you may not be in the same location, but thank God for technology. When you have not called her in a week, she finds it difficult to believe that you really love her. And sincerely, as a man, when you really love a lady, you will want to reach her as often as possible.
Even when you are posted to a place that has no network, you will raise your phone high in the air, climb mountains or trees, and stand by the roof of the house, all in a bid to hear her sweet voice. That is what love is to her!
When you have not spoken to her in weeks, and she does not bother, you can as well know that she is getting emotional fulfillment elsewhere. It may be from other friends, from parties, from church, from children if she is married, but she will definitely find a way to meet her emotional needs.
And that is when it can really get dangerous. If one Casanova walks up to her at such times, she becomes vulnerable!
So what have we learned from our excursion into the mind of the lady today? Never ever neglect her. Give her time and attention! Men, be humble and go ahead and repent! Take her out today and spend time with her. Let her talk to you! Leave your iPad and Newspapers at home! This is An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind Part 2
An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind. Most men are frustrated today when it comes to understanding their spouse or spouse-to-be. Most people even believe that marriage is a necessary evil. But it is not like that in God’s word and since the scripture says no evil will befall us, God will not bring an evil institution upon us through marriage.
The devil has perverted the institution and has almost succeeded in selling the lie to the generation. You will thus find many people saying, it is better to stay unmarried. The problem with that is that such people often end up in a life of promiscuity.
A wife is not supposed to be a knife, she is supposed to be a helper. But most times, she is not fulfilled and does not have an enabling environment to be who she ought to be.
With over two decades of speaking, teaching, and writing on relationships and marriages, I have some ideas that can help you when it comes to how women think. Hundreds of young ladies, middle-aged ladies, and older ladies have spoken to me in counselling scenarios. Most of them would weep profusely as they narrate their ordeals. When guys call me, they are usually trying to find out how to choose a good lady, but when ladies call me, they are trying to get healed and get broken hearts mended. This however does not mean that men are incapable of experiencing broken hearts.
So, this morning, I want to take you by the hand, and let’s go on an excursion into the mind of a lady.
What do they think? What do they want? Why is she always moody? Why is she happy at this moment and then the next she is depressed? Why is she disinterested in sex sometimes? Why does she like to buy things? I can go on and on and there are so many questions. Let’s Take An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind.
She is deeply emotional
Now, that is just plain difficult for guys to understand because again, you are trying to process emotionalism with logic. A lady is emotional, but a man is logical.
That are two different worlds.
Let me give you an example.
A couple is driving home after church service in their beautiful car when they suddenly sighted a young girl who appears homeless. This is a likely conversation that might ensue.
Wife: Oh Jesus, look at that little cutie. What is she doing on the road?
Husband: What is she doing? Obviously, she is homeless.
Wife: Can we take her home?
Husband: Take her home? Just like that?
Wife: But she is homeless and she needs help
Husband: So I should just park like that and ask her to hop into the car?
Wife: At least, let’s park and help her first
Husband: I am not parking. I don’t know her.
Wife: You are heartless
Husband: But I am not stupid
Wife: You are heartless. That is how you deal with me as well.
Husband: Why do you always like to pick up fights with me? What is your business with that child?
Wife: And you are coming from church. Is that what you are being taught?
Husband: What has church got to do with this for God’s sake? Why are you just difficult?
Wife: It is you that is wicked
Husband: (tunes in to car radio)
Wife: (Sobbing) That is how you always ignore me.
That is how a simple event can escalate and get the couple on edge because she is an emotional being.
What this means is that a guy and a lady will never think the same way, will never see things the same way, and will never say them the same way. They are thinking from different sides of the brain.
In courtship scenarios, the following type of conversation can ensue:
Guy: (Calls his fiancée who lives in another state) Hey, Baby, how are you doing?
Lady: (Answers unhappily) I am fine
Guy: What’s wrong? You don’t sound good
Lady: Are you just noticing?
Guy: But I just called now! There you go again. What is wrong this time?
Lady: Nothing
Guy: How can you say “nothing?”
Lady: Nothing
Guy: Ok, I will call you later
Lady: So, you want to hang up the phone?
Guy: But you said there is nothing?
Lady: I have always known you don’t love me!
Guy: Baby, I love you
Lady: If you love me, you would have called me yesterday
Guy: But I told you that I would be in class throughout yesterday
Lady: Whatever happened to SMS and chats?
Guy: I told you my phone would be with a repairer
Lady” Why can’t you borrow a phone? Am I not important to you?
Guy: Oh God. You just feel like picking a quarrel. So that’s the issue?
Lady: Yes
Guy: Ok, I am sorry
Lady: You are always sorry. Every time, you are sorry.
Guy: What do you want from me? So what do you want now?
Lady: Nothing
And they can go and on without any meaningful conclusion.
This is An Excursion Into A Lady’s Mind
The first thing I will like you to know this morning is that guys and ladies think differently. So, in a relationship or marriage, you don’t set out to win an argument, you simply try to understand each other.
Something that is insignificant to you can be a passionate issue for her and you need to deal with her with a lot of understanding. She is not logical, which sometimes makes her use too many words, but you need to know that she is intuitive.
CONFESSION I will live with understanding
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me by your Holy Spirit in my areas of ignorance
How To Build Up Your Self-Esteem. Low self-esteem has driven many into sexual promiscuity. They really want somebody to affirm them. Such people must be in a relationship overtime because they feel incomplete without a boyfriend or girlfriend. But you see, you cannot get from a man what is designed to come from God and His word.
Let’s find out How To Build Up Your Self-Esteem. It is a “self” thing.
In building up your self-esteem, the first thing I will like you to note is that it is a “self-issue!” That is why it is called “self-esteem!” It is not lecturer esteem or father esteem or boyfriend esteem. It is self-esteem. In having good self-esteem, you are not to seek it from anybody, you can only build it by yourself by giving yourself to study of God’s word which will then strengthen you from within.
“For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” (Psa 139:13-14, KJV)
When you go into a relationship or get married for the sole purpose of building your esteem, it usually would not work out because you would eventually be disappointed. Why is that? It is not a job for man, it is a job for your God.
So it is called self-esteem because nobody can study God’s word for you. You have to do it yourself. It is called self-esteem because you are supposed to build up your personal prayer life instead of looking around for some prophets who will end up deceiving you.
It is not siblings’ esteem, not uncle esteem and definitely, it is not pastor esteem. Self-discovery and purpose discovery are personal journeys you must embark on. When you discover God’s purpose for your life, it will stabilize your emotions and you will not be driven to and fro by the storms and winds of life. When you know God’s plan for your marriage, you will not even consider it when a married man comes around telling you all kinds of lies.
When you have good self-esteem, you will not be persuaded intoner marital sex by guys who are only looking for fun. Now listen to this, you will never be able to build up your self-esteem through sex. That is not what your body is designed to do. Your body is not meant to be used as a weapon to get what you want. Don’t reduce what God calls His temple to what is cheaply available to all and sundry. Raise your shoulder and embrace the dignity with which you are created.
On the contrary, sex offers you a quick temporary feeling of being loved, but the feeling quickly disappears because feelings are fickle. After you are done, you find yourself back in the deep gully of low self-esteem. You then need to offer your body more to get some love and affirmation, but it will always end in frustration because that is not what God designed you for.
For married people, a lot of other issues can spring up from a spouse dealing with low self-esteem. It can be constant irritability when corrected. It can be communication issues. It can be unnecessary inhibitions in the bedroom, and so on and so forth.
Decide to deliberately build your esteem through God’s word, serving Him, purpose discovery, and living that purpose.
In 1996, I proposed and my wife said Yes. We were campus sweethearts. She would always tell me that she said ‘Yes’ in faith! Can you imagine? Is it that I am not fine ni? Today we both laugh over that statement and of course, trust me, I would say, I also proposed in hope since faith and hope work together! Lobatan!
Exercising faith in your relationship and marriage is very important. Faith in God, His word, in the man you are saying Yes to, and in yourself that all will be well.
Doubt and worry are the devil’s attempts and attacks on our minds to steal God’s will and God’s best from us.
What are the 5 Ways Doubt Can Cause Havoc?
1. It can lead to confusion.
Marriage is a faith institution. Its foundation cannot be anything apart from faith. When you doubt, you become unsure of what exactly you are to do. God never configured us to function outside of His leading. An attempt to do so will only lead to confusion. I pray for you this morning, confusion will not be your portion in Jesus’ name 2. It can lead to considerations of alternatives and other options
There will always be alternatives. But the question should be, where will the other alternatives lead you to? That’s when other ladies and guys will look more attractive than God’s best for you. It’s all about your purpose. This singular knowledge will keep you contented. I pray for you this morning, you will not be sidetracked from God’s purpose.
In marriage, there are no more options for you. Simply concentrate on the one you have chosen, and get blessed there.
3. It can make you be double-minded
When you are in doubt, you are double-minded and like the Bible says, a double-minded man cannot receive anything from the Lord. It becomes difficult for God to bless your relationship when you are still in doubt. Today, you are convinced, tomorrow you are no longer sure. Every doubt in your heart is terminated in Jesus’ name.
In marriage, that assurance is needed to keep you standing when the marital wind and storms show up.
4. It can tamper with your focus
Focus is very essential in building a successful relationship and marriage. God really blessed us with a lot of focus while in courtship. We were focused on making things right and doing things God’s way. We laugh now, but more of being grateful to God when we look back and see that we spent most of our courtship time praying and preparing for what God will have us do in the future.
You will not be distracted in Jesus’ name
5. It can take genuine love from your relationship.
Pure, genuine love will have no room to entertain doubt and worry. Love needs to grow in an atmosphere of certainty, clarity of purpose, oneness, and single-mindedness. Fear has torment but perfect love cast out fear. Once you are in doubt and unbelief, you cannot even attract God’s help because you don’t trust him enough to be sure He will take care of you. You will be reluctant to give your full commitment. For a successful relationship, a hundred percent of your heart and commitment are needed. These are the 5 Ways Doubt Can Cause Havoc
May God help us in Jesus’ Name. May His word take root in our hearts to build strong faith in our God.
CONFESSION I will not succumb to worry and doubt in my life
PRAYER Lord, teach me to rely on you and put my trust in you in Jesus name
