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Confronting a Secretive Spouse: 9 Strategies. The story of King Henry VIII of England and his second wife, Anne Boleyn is a historical example of a secretive spouse that ended in a bad way Henry VIII was known for his secrecy and his tendency to keep things from his wives. He kept secret his desire to divorce his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, and his infatuation with Anne Boleyn. He also kept secret the fact that he was having an affair with Anne’s lady-in-waiting, Jane Seymour, even as Anne was pregnant with his child. Eventually, Anne was falsely accused of adultery and treason, and she was executed. Henry VIII’s secrecy and infidelity ultimately led to the downfall of his marriage to Anne and the upheaval of the entire English monarchy. A few secrets here and there resulted in many woes and agonies that are generational shifting! But this morning, let’s consider some biblical strategies!

Confronting a Secretive Spouse: 9 Strategies 

What do you do with a secretive spouse? This will apply to both singles who are in relationships and those married.

  1. Pray for your spouse

    Pray for your spouse’s heart to be open and for their willingness, to be honest with you. Pray for the strength and guidance to handle the situation in a godly manner.

In Genesis 18:16-33, Abraham intercedes for his wife Sarah, asking God to bless her and make her fertile, despite her old age. Through his prayer, God fulfilled his promise and Sarah gave birth to Isaac. God answers prayers! 

  1. Communicate openly

    Talk to your spouse about your concerns and feelings in a respectful and loving way. Ask them to be open and honest with you and to share their struggles.

In the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:6-13, we see the consequences of not communicating openly and honestly with one another.

  1. Seek accountability

    Encourage your spouse to seek accountability from a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor.

The story of David and Nathan in 2 Samuel 12:1-14 illustrates the importance of accountability. God sent Nathan all the way so David can have the opportunity to repent! 

  1. Practice forgiveness

    Forgive your spouse for their secrecy and be willing to extend grace to them. Without forgiveness, you won’t be able to help.

The story of the prodigal son shows that forgiveness is powerful.

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

  1. Read the Bible together

    This may sound simplistic, but it is life-giving! Spend time reading the Bible and praying together. This will help to strengthen your relationship and build trust between you.

Confronting a Secretive Spouse: 9 Strategies 

  1. Attend church together

    Make it a priority to attend church services together and to grow in your faith together. That will afford you a common ground for open discussions. 

Hebrews 10:25 “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

  1. Seek help

    Consider seeking the help of a counselor or therapist to work through any issues that may be affecting your relationship if you are unable to move forward. Do not keep quiet!

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

  1. Practice humility

    Humble yourself and be willing to admit your own faults and mistakes. It is possible the secrecy of your spouse is fueled by your own attitudes and approach. It takes humility to admit.

James 4:6 “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

  1. Be patient

    Be patient and understand that change takes time. Pray for your spouse and be willing to wait for them to change.

James 5:7-8 “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”

Confronting a Secretive Spouse: 9 Strategies

In conclusion, these nine biblical strategies can help couples confront and overcome secrets in their marriage. By following these principles, couples can work towards building a strong and lasting relationship based on trust, honesty, and transparency. It’s important to remember that marriage is a sacred bond, and by following these biblical strategies, couples can protect their relationship from the devil’s deception.


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