Comparing your spouse or anything you have or don’t have in marriage is actually a trap. It leaves you unsatisfied and ungrateful.
The comparison trap as defined in the dictionary is the habit of measuring your life against others and is one of the most toxic behaviors we can engage in. The idea “the grass is greener” is a wild misconception fueled by jealous evaluation, and often leads to stress and anxiety.
Marriage should be lived with the two couples fully into themselves. Whatever they are or whatever they have should be celebrated by the couples. Little can become much if both can focus on what they have.
In marriage, both couples strengths are multiplied to achieve even greater results. Rather than wasting their energies in comparing and preferring another persons spouse to their God given spouse.
Every marriage is unique and has a unique purpose. No two marriages are the same, will go through the same exact path, experience the same things and have the same seasons.
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Each marriage is to celebrate their own uniqueness. They are to find joy and happiness in being themselves and in going through their journey.
What comparison does is to stifle the joy in doing life together. Life comes with its own challenges, ups and downs. The strength that God gives, trusting in His word, relying on the Holy Spirit for help, and being on the same page with one another will make the journey sweeter.
Comparing your spouse with the other person deprive your spouse the opportunity of working together with your gifting and talents to achieve the common goal.
Most wives easily fall prey to comparison trap. It is not only in terms of finances is your spouse compared, but in very many ways. From looks, to mannerisms, to gestures, to emotional and mental attributes, to spirituality, intelligence, to material things.
No two people are the same and no two people will go through life in the same way. So give your spouse to grow and become who God says they should be.
This doesn’t mean we should be satisfied with the status quo, No. We are to push ourselves and press on to becoming better. While improving ourselves, we should go through life encouraging our spouse not comparing them.
We may not be satisfy at where our spouse are but we cannot change them, we can only encourage, pray for and trust God for them to become better.
The Lord will help us all in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I will not compare my spouse with another.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, make me satisfied with my spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2 Corinthians 10:12 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Stop comparing your spouse
God wants and desires husband and wife to naked and not ashamed. The covenant of marriage is meant to be 100% transparency.
God is honored when the husband and wife see themselves in the light of what God ordained marriage to be.
Sincerity in marriage could be defined as the absence of pretense, deceit or hypocrisy.
We do so many things in marriage that doesn’t add up to being sincere. There are lots of half-truth, outright lies, insincerity, hiding things, pretense and being hypocritical.
When there are lies, we build our marriage on falsehood. One degree away from the truth is falsehood and this can be dangerous to the wellbeing of the union.
It is the truth that sets free. The degree of openness is the degree to which there is power available for the couples to be in agreement.
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. – Joh 8:32
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It is high time couples learn to be sincere with themselves. Let truth be said in all things. Let’s have zero tolerance for insincerity.
If anything happens, we should be courageous enough to say it as it is. Let’s cast out the spirit of fear from our lives. It is fear of what your spouse will say or do or how he or she will feel disappointed that most of the time, keeps us from saying the truth.
You can ask yourself this simple question; ‘If you say the truth, will he or she kill you?’ He /she may be angry at first but I am sure he/ she will respect you more for the truth you said.
By saying the truth, you shut the door on the devil to keep you bound. You set yourself free. The problem with lies is that you will need more lies to cover up the first lie.
The most distressing thing to do is to be insincere. You belabor yourself trying to hide and cover up.
Another reason we need to be careful of lies in our marriage and home is because lies is in the domain of the devil. Jesus called the devil the liar and the father of all lies.
Let’s learn to say the truth always. It is the truth that sets free!
Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity). – 1Jn 3:18
May God help us all!
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am truthful at all times
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Reject the operations of the devil in your marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief – we’re not oblivious to his sly ways! (2Co 2:11 MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be truthful no matter what
It’s possible to be a proverbs 31 woman, join us as we unravel her qualities and what made her stand out in her generation
14. She overlooks offenses and labels them as distractions
It is wisdom to overlook offenses. She has mastered the art of knowing how to treat offenses and anything that causes bitterness.
15. She is unstoppable even with a delay
She knows how to ride upon the wind of delay to make progress in life. She realizes that delay is not denial.
16. She is generational in thinking. Not living for today
She understands that her seeds are meant to be generational. Her seeds of time, money, service and work of her hands are to go into her future to cause a change.
17. She stands with her husband in thick and thin.
She has learnt how to abase and abound. She does not leave her husband when the wind is contrary. She is faithful and committed to her husband. She is the angel sent to her husband.
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18. She is Royalty personified in looks and words.
She makes Jesus attractive to all that see and hear her. She carries herself with dignity and honor. In everything she does, royalty is part of her.
19. She sees to the welfare of her parents because she knows this can affect her own marriage negatively
She balances her love life between her parents, her children, and her husband. Everybody has a fair share of her love
20. She loves her children through her husband and not vice versa. She is first a good wife before being a good mother.
She knows the right order of things in God. She knows her calling is first to her husband before her children
21. She is a team player who knows how to keep her boundaries
She knows very well her complementary roles and functions in it well. She understands boundaries and knows how to keep them.
May God give you more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a virtuous woman
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord Jesus, help me to be an award-winning woman
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 31:11[NLT]Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
We started on this topic yesterday and when we read Proverbs 31, we should do so with the mind of; ‘it’s possible, let me glean wisdom, work and walk towards becoming a better woman
8. She depends on the Holy Spirit for strength to run her home.
She doesn’t run her home on the traditions or expectations of men. The Holy Spirit is her senior partner. She knows how to engage his help. She seeks for the help of the Holy Spirit on all things nothing is too small or too big.
9. Her husband is her best friend
She is closest to her husband. He is not just her friend, he is her best friend. She talks to him, confides in him, and cherishes their relationship together.
10. She takes care of her physical looks and her emotions
She looks good all the time for her husband. She is not too expensive she is simply pretty. She also learns to take care of her emotions. She smiles all the time and does not harbor hurt, bitterness, or anything that can kill her joy. She is always bubbling over with joy. She has made up her mind to remain joyful.
11. There is no word like divorce in her dictionary
Divorce is a NO, NO for her no matter what. Come rain or high waters, she respects her covenant before God.
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12. She is 100% focused on her home, knowing that her home is the first church.
She does not compare her home to others. She appreciates the home and her family because she knows they are gifts from God. She prioritizes her home and does all she needs to do to make sure her family is exactly what it is meant to be.
13. She respects her in-laws and treats them as souls for the kingdom of God.
She loves and respects her in-laws as her own.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a virtuous woman
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord Jesus, help me to be an award-winning woman
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 31:11[NLT]Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
The concluding part of this interesting story will be the different decisions these couples have to make.
Until you take responsibility and make decisions, whatever situation you were in remains the same or gets worse. To enjoy your marriage and live with love and understanding with your spouse is a decision every couple would have to make at one point in time or another.
The success of your marriage is in your hands and it’s a personal adventure. The success of your marriage is not dependent on past, present, or future status; it is dependent on your personal decision to make it work.
Marriage is not a 50-50 thing, it’s a 100 – 100 thing, where the wife is ready to fulfill her part 100% and the husband ready to fulfill 100%.
Husbands, don’t love your wife because she respects you. You love her because Jesus Christ commands you so. Love is an unconditional commitment that ensures the object of our love is fully satisfied.
The same thing with wives, you don’t submit and respect because he loves you, you submit because you are committed to obeying God’s word.
Having said all these, here are practical decisions these couples have to make.
1. Learn to respect your spouse no matter under whatever circumstances. Honor each other as covenant partners so that you can enjoy God’s blessing.
2. Never compare yourselves with other couples. You are unique as a couple. Walk out your own uniqueness and stick with it.
3. Never allow other people’s opinions to influence the way you treat your spouse especially if the influence is negative.
4. It is just smart to have godly mentors you can talk about your marital issues with. Your mentors give counsel, instructions, and encouragements to avoid unnecessary pitfalls in your marriage.
5. What you don’t appreciate, depreciates. Learn to appreciate each other always, appreciate your little efforts.
6. Don’t take each other’s happiness for granted. Sow into each other’s happiness tank.
7. Learn to have memorable moments together. Create fun and spice it up with laughter as often as possible.
8. Make God and His word your final authority as regards every area of your life. Let God be your common focus.
9. Celebrate things your spouse consider important. Don’t down-talk what they celebrate.
10. Be kind and generous to each other. Give yourselves money, time, attention, and affection.
11. Watch your attitudes, body language, voice tone, and actions. They all matter in building a lasting loving marriage.
12. You cannot be selfish. Love gives and puts the other first.
13. Never try to outsmart your spouse. You are a team, work together as such.
14. Learn to be quick to forgive. Marriage is for two quick forgivers.
15. Learn conflict resolution and communication skills, they are lifelines for your marriage.
God bless our homes and marriages in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will respect my partner at all times
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord Jesus, lead me to the rightful person for me
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief – we’re not oblivious to his sly ways! (2Co 2:11 MSG)
