Love is usually described by burning flames. When we are really in love with that special someone, our love is burning. Like anything burning, if we don’t want the flames to go down we have to keep it rekindled or burning. We have to fan the coals of our love.
Here are some practical and helpful tips to help us achieve this.
Fanning the Embers of Love
1. Express gratitude
As simple as it may appear, failing to express gratitude can quickly undermine affection. Don’t take love for granted; be grateful for everything. Compliment each other frequently.
2. Spending Quality Time
Make time for each other outside of your busy schedules. It’s just the two of you now. Plan date nights and activities that both of you like. It restores and strengthens your bond.
3. Interaction
This is quite crucial. Discuss your feelings and worries openly with one another. Honest communication aids in understanding each other’s wants and requirements.
4. Resolve Problems
Constructively address unresolved issues or areas of contention. Make an effort to make your relationship healthier and happier.
5. Share happy memories
Laughing over and sharing happy recollections with one other is beneficial. Reminding each other of the good times brings back fond memories.
Fanning the Embers of Love
6. Physical Closeness
Physical contact can revive love. Hold hands, kiss, and hug on a frequent basis.
7. Patience and dedication
Be patient and committed to your partner and your marriage. It may take some time to fan the flame of love.
8. Avoid Monotony
Let your relationship be spiced with fun. Break free from the monotony. Avoid boredom by making your relationship more enjoyable.
Rekindling your love for each other is important. When we value our relationship we will want to keep it from going down and becoming obsolete. Commitment to each other’s needs, feelings, mutual respect, and understanding are also crucial
This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive. It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is impressive.
There is a love wave, love current, and all the love vibes around them. They set out to profess their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out overnight from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive, and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We, therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
1. Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault
‘She is very disrespectful’
‘He’s not kind and loving’
She’s lazy and overly sensitive
‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter, and full of regret, and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy are reciprocal in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price, and make your own sacrifices.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings, or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse to grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change overnight. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not-too-pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength, and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus’ name.
I will continue where I stopped two days ago. Previously, I wrote about the fact that God gave every woman the ability and capacity to be a builder.
Our text in Proverbs 14:1 KJ V says,
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands’.
We also talked about how we need to build according to the pattern.
Ex 25:40 And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.
God is the architect, He gives us the blueprint of what we should build, the material to use in building, and how we should build. It is building according to the pattern that makes us wise women who build our homes.
Today, we will be looking at how we should build our homes and families.
1. We should build with prayers
Jud 1:20-But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
Our homes and families have different aspects just like any building has different sections and areas like the sitting room, the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen etc. Each of these different component of the building have different functionalities and you cannot replace them with each other. In the same way, the different aspects of our homes and families need to be built up through prayers.
You must build every aspect of your home, marriage, and family with prayers. As a woman, you are not permitted to joke with prayers. Pray for each child. In fact, praying for them starts from conception. And the best way to pray for your children is in tongues as the Holy Spirit grants you utterance. You pray for and about your spouse and every detail of his life. It is an assignment. Your husband’s success should be your prayer burden. Pray for yourself because you are also part of that building. It is full-time work. There are so many aspects of your home and marriage that you build up through prayers.
2. We should build with the Word
Luk 6:47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:
Luk 6:48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
The word of God is our only guarantee of a strong and solid foundation for our homes, marriage, and families. The infallible word of God is what ensures that what we are building stands the test of time and can weather the storms of life. So that whatever beats against our family and marriage, we will still be standing.
When we take time to build intentionally with fervent and continuous prayers and the Word of God we are wise. Don’t let us be like the foolish builder in Luke 6:49. Let’s learn to build according to the pattern God has shown us.
It is my prayer that we will be wise indeed and that the Lord will give us strength and Grace to carry on His mandate for our lives as women.
The interesting thing about the building is that whatever you are building, you must have your materials on the ground before you start building. Another important fact is that even before the materials, you must have a drawing of what you want to develop. The architect must have interpreted the building on paper. Usually, this contains the measurements, length, breadth, height, and many other things.
This is what God has in mind in the book of Proverbs 14:1, He told us that
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Let’s see other translations.
CEV says, A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness. (Pro 14:1)
ERV says, A wise woman makes her home what it should be, but the home of a foolish woman is destroyed by her own actions.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
Here, we see the wise woman in action building her home. We also see the foolish woman in action pulling her home down or destroying it through her actions, inactions, and decisions.
God is also seen behind the scenes as the architect, who gives the design of what is to be built.
Every woman is doing something. Every woman is either wise or foolish in what they are doing. Whether you are a professor, a banker, an entrepreneur, a doctor, or a lawyer, you are either a wise woman or a foolish woman.
The question is “Are you building or destroying your home with your hands?” It is easier to say No, how can I with my hands destroy my home? But in reality, you could be destroying your home and the lives of family members if you are foolish.
If you’re not building according to pattern, you are not wise.
Ex 25:40 GW translation, ‘Be sure to make them according to the plans you were shown on the mountain.”
MSG translation, ‘Study the design you were given on the mountain and make everything accordingly.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
There is a pattern God expects us to build with as wise women. The only thing that will make you build wisely is if you build according to the pattern shown to you. Some of us women are building with a different pattern. By the pattern and standard of the world. We are building our homes and family by the pattern of social media, and our schedules, these will not work.
We have to go back to the pattern shown to us by God. That is the only way to guarantee we are building and not tearing down our homes. Women and wives are so powerful that God commits to their hands the building of the home.
Let’s stop here today. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace talking about what pattern we should build with.
I pray that we will indeed be wise by building our homes and family according to God’s pattern.
